Have you ever lost your temper and instantly wished you could take back what you said or did?

Or maybe you saw the look on your partner's or child's face that made you realise your anger had just won again?

If so, or if you've ever thought, why can't I stay calm when it matters most?

This episode could be a turning point for you.

Welcome to episode 56 of the Anger Management Podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dhuis, and over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help you control your anger once and for all.

Today, I've asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, to share three lessons that have completely transformed the lives of many men and women I've worked with.

In fact, these lessons are some of the most powerful keys that will help you manage your emotions, improve your relationships and experience greater peace of mind.

No matter what situation you are in, whether you're new to anger management or someone who's been on this journey for a while, these lessons are designed to meet you where you are at and take you to the next level.

So take a breath, clear your mind, and get ready for a game changing deep dive on how to stop letting anger win.

Three lessons that change everything.

Hey, everybody, and welcome to our deep dive.

Today, we are going to be tackling something I think a lot of you struggle with, and that is anger.

If you have ever felt like anger has got you on a leash instead of the other way around, you are in the right place.

We're about to unlock some serious secrets with some help from a real pro, someone who has helped over 15,000 people just like you.

That's right.

Talking decades of experience here, helping people really understand and manage their anger.

No magic solutions, but real strategies you can start using today.

Okay, so no waving a wand and poof, anger's gone.

But what if we could give you the keys to the car so you decide where this emotion takes you?

That's what Alastair Duss is all about.

And he's broken it down to three core principles.

Our keys for this deep dive.

First, key awareness.

Now, you might be thinking, well, duh, I know I get angry.

But this is about going deeper, noticing the subtle ways anger shows up before it turns into a raging monster.

Right?

Like, picture this, you're Talking to your partner and they are totally glued to their phone.

Or you're stuck in traffic already running late, and bam, someone cuts you off.

Yeah.

What happens in your body right then?

Maybe your heart starts pounding, palms get sweaty.

You feel that heat rising in your face.

Those are your body's alarm bells, the early warning signs that anger is about to take the stage.

So it's like catching a whiff of smoke before the whole house goes up in flames, right?

What are some of your telltale signs that anger is brewing?

This is where self awareness gets super personal.

Exactly.

It's different for everyone.

Maybe you clench your jaw or your thoughts start racing a mile a minute.

The key is to spot these signals early before things escalate.

And trust me, those signals are always there.

Okay, so we are getting good at noticing those anger red flags.

But then what?

That brings us to key number two, and this one might surprise you.

Anger never actually helps you solve a problem.

I know.

It feels powerful in the moment, like this rush of energy.

Oh, tell me about it.

It's like that hulk smash feeling.

But does smashing ever really fix things?

Alistair has tons of stories about people letting anger take over at work, with their kids, in relationships.

And guess what?

They almost always regret it.

Think about it.

Can you honestly recall a time when anger truly led to a positive outcome?

More often than not, it just fuels the fire, creates more conflict, and leaves everyone feeling wor.

It's like throwing gasoline on a campfire.

You might get a big burst of flame, but then what?

You're left with a bigger mess to clean up.

And that's what we want you to really consider here.

What's the end goal?

If it's a peaceful resolution, a productive conversation, or just feeling better yourself, anger's usually taking you in the opposite direction.

Okay, so we've got awareness.

We are ditching the anger helps myth.

Now for the big reveal.

Alistair's third key to controlling anger.

You ready for this?

Yeah.

You create your own anger.

Now, hold on a second.

Before you hit that disagree button.

I know this one can be a tough pill to swallow.

Not saying you're a bad person for feeling angry.

Not at all.

But stick with me here.

It's like this.

Let's go back to that traffic jam.

Someone cuss you off?

One driver is fuming, pounding the steering wheel, ready to road rage.

Another driver might just shrug it off.

Same event, two totally different reactions.

Why?

Because it's not the event itself that creates the anger.

It's your thoughts about it.

That first driver is thinking, this jerk they have no respect.

I deserve better.

Those thoughts are like fuel to the anger fire.

Meanwhile, the chill driver might be thinking, whoa, close call.

Glad everyone's okay.

Maybe they're having a rough day.

Totally different story playing out in their head.

So are you saying we are choosing to be angry?

In a way, yes.

You are choosing how to interpret the situation.

And that choice determines your emotional response.

It's not easy, but once you realize you have this power, it's incredibly liberating.

This seriously mind blowing stuff.

So instead of being at the mercy of every little annoyance, we.

We can actually choose to see things differently.

And that changes how we feel.

That's the heart of it.

You are not a passive victim of your anger.

You are the author.

You are writing the story.

Now let's talk about how to rewrite those anger inducing narratives.

Okay, let's get practical.

How do we actually change those anger inducing thoughts?

It's like we need a mental toolbox for this.

Absolutely.

And that's where cognitive reframing comes in.

It's a fancy term for basically changing the way you look at a situation.

Instead of letting your initial this is unfair thought spiral into rage, you pause and challenge it.

So it's not about pretending everything's fine and dandy.

It's about hitting the pause button on those knee jerk reactions.

Exactly.

Remember that example with the drivers?

The one fuming about the other person's disrespect?

What if instead they thought, hey, maybe they didn't see me?

Or they're dealing with an emergency.

I've been there.

That's a total shift in perspective.

Yeah, it's like switching from black and white to full color.

Suddenly the situation doesn't feel so personal or threatening.

Exactly.

And the more you practice this, the easier it gets.

It's like training a muscle.

At first, catching those negative thoughts and reframing them takes effort, but over time, it becomes more automatic.

Okay, so for our listeners out there who are ready to start flexing their reframing muscles, what are some common anger triggering thoughts they should be on the lookout for?

Well, everyone's different, but some classics include this is unfair, they shouldn't do that, or I can't believe this happening.

These thoughts often stem from feeling like our expectations haven't been met or that we've been wronged somehow.

Oh, I know those thoughts all too well.

Especially that this is unfair.

It pops up like a weed in my mental garden anytime things don't go my way.

And that's perfectly normal.

We all have these thoughts.

The key is to recognize them, not let them run the show.

Instead of, this is unfair, try something like, okay, this is frustrating, but how can I deal with it constructively?

It's like taking back control of the narrative.

Right.

Instead, as being the victim, you become the problem solver.

Yeah.

And doesn't that feel so much better?

It absolutely does.

Remember, you are not trying to suppress your anger or pretend it doesn't exist.

You are simply choosing a more helpful way to respond to it.

So let's do a quick recap of the three keys to controlling anger that we've uncovered today.

It's like a treasure map to inner peace, right?

Absolutely.

Key number one is awareness.

Paying attention to those early warning signs that anger is bubbling up like a physical sensation or a racing mind.

Key number two is recognizing that anger is rarely helpful.

It doesn't solve problems, it just adds fuel to the fire.

And key number three, the game changer, is understanding that you create your anger through your thoughts.

And by changing your thoughts, you can change your entire experience.

You know, as we've been talking, I've realized something really important.

It's not about never feeling angry.

It's about choosing how we respond to that anger.

Exactly.

And the more we practice these three keys, the more we shift from being reactive to being responsive.

That's where true freedom lies.

It's like we're graduating From Anger Management 101 to Becoming Masters of our emotions.

So for our listeners out there who are ready to take this journey even further, we have some incredible resources to share.

We are so excited to point you to angersecrets.com it's packed with valuable information, tools and techniques to help you understand and manage your anger.

And the best part, Alistair offers a free anger management training.

On the site, you can learn about your triggers, develop coping mechanisms, and start building healthier relationships.

It's a fantastic starting point for anyone who's serious about taking control of their anger and living a calmer, more fulfilling life.

And for those who are ready to dive even deeper, Alistair also offers a comprehensive online program called the Complete Anger Management System.

This program provides you with everything you need to transform your relationship with anger and create lasting change.

It's like having Alistair as your personal anger management coach, guiding you every step of the way.

We highly recommend checking out both the free training and the full program on angersecrets.com it's an investment in yourself, your relationships, and your overall well being.

You deserve it.

And remember, as Alistair always says, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

What A powerful reminder.

Absolutely.

And with that, we'll wrap up this deep dive into the world of anger management.

We hope you've gained valuable insights and are feeling empowered to take control of your anger and create a life filled with more peace and joy.

Thank you for joining us.

We'll be back soon with another deep dive into a topic that matters.

Until then, take care and stay curious.

Okay?

I hope you found today's deep dive powerful because these three lessons really can change everything.

Lets recap each of these three keys to anger management that Jake and Sarah shared.

Key number one was awareness.

As Jake and Sarah said, you can't change what you don't notice.

But when you recognize your early warning signs of anger, the heat in your chest, the racing thoughts, the tight jaw, you take the first step towards anger control.

Key number two, anger never helps.

Now, it might feel like anger helps in the moment, but it never leads to the outcome you want.

But staying calm does, clarity does, and awareness does.

And finally, key number three, create your anger.

Remember, it isn't other people's actions that make you angry.

It's how you interpret their actions.

And that's good news because it means you have the power to control your response to other people, no matter what they are saying or doing.

Now, when you truly understand these keys, anger stops winning.

You start showing up differently.

You become calmer, clearer and more in control, no matter what's happening around you.

And if you're ready to put these lessons into action, visit angersecrets.com youm can access my free training Breaking the Anger Cycle book, a free 30 minute anger assessment.

Call with me or dive into the complete anger management system, the same program thousands of men and women have used to control their anger and transform their life.

Okay, that's it for today's episode.

Stop letting anger win.

Three lessons that change everything.

If this episode resonated with you, please follow the show and leave a quick rating and review.

It helps others find this podcast and begin their own anger management journey.

And remember, you can't control what others say or do, but you can always control how you respond.

And that's where your real power lives.

Take care and I'll talk with you soon.

The Anger management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.