1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,799 Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to 2 00:00:04,799 --> 00:00:08,160 join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,759 problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get 4 00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:15,504 started. Hey, 5 00:00:15,504 --> 00:00:19,125 beautiful soul. My name is Amanda Durocher, and welcome to Nuvia Advice. 6 00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:22,625 If you're new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where I offer guidance 7 00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:25,744 for the healing journey. I don't believe I have all the answers you seek. I 8 00:00:25,744 --> 00:00:28,740 believe you just may need a new view and a little help along the way. 9 00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:31,939 Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode. Today, we are talking about 10 00:00:31,939 --> 00:00:35,780 creativity as a trauma survivor. So in this episode, I answer a question from a 11 00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:39,620 listener who is a religious cult trauma survivor and wants to be a film writer 12 00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:43,460 slash director, but is struggling with putting too much pressure on themselves to tell 13 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:47,275 their story the quote, unquote right way. I love this question because I think 14 00:00:47,275 --> 00:00:50,955 many people who experience trauma wanna tell their stories in artistic form 15 00:00:50,955 --> 00:00:54,635 but find this challenging for many reasons, including putting too much pressure on 16 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:58,460 ourselves and also finding that they are processing really 17 00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:02,160 difficult feelings such as shame and guilt and this can impact creativity. 18 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:05,659 And I'll be talking a lot about my own experience with creativity as a trauma 19 00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:09,259 survivor and what I've learned throughout my journey of creating, especially 20 00:01:09,259 --> 00:01:12,825 creating about my trauma because I just find that not all the advice on the 21 00:01:12,825 --> 00:01:16,185 Internet such as just sit down for 15 minutes a day works for me as 22 00:01:16,185 --> 00:01:19,865 a trauma survivor. So my intention for this episode is to help you to take 23 00:01:19,865 --> 00:01:22,924 the pressure off yourself, lean into the messiness of creativity, 24 00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:27,190 begin creating, and to know that the story in your heart is the 25 00:01:27,190 --> 00:01:30,810 story you are meant to tell in whatever format and in whatever 26 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,750 way that ends up being. But if your heart is asking you to tell a 27 00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:36,870 story, then I believe you are meant to tell that story. So I'm excited to 28 00:01:36,870 --> 00:01:40,325 dive into today's episode. Before we jump in, I just wanted to mention that if 29 00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:43,284 you haven't checked out my website, I invite you to check it out after this 30 00:01:43,284 --> 00:01:46,965 episode for more free resources. I have different healing 31 00:01:46,965 --> 00:01:50,485 hubs. I have poems. I have more podcast episodes and 32 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:53,509 journal prompts and more. So I invite you to check that out at newviewadvice.com. 33 00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:57,509 And today's episode show notes will be at newviewadvice.com/109. 34 00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:01,590 So with that, let's jump on into talking about creativity. 35 00:02:07,865 --> 00:02:11,545 Dear Amanda, I'm writing in because I have a long standing struggle as an artist 36 00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:14,985 and a human, which I'm hoping you'll relate to and about which you'll be able 37 00:02:14,985 --> 00:02:18,365 to advise. I'm a survivor of religious trauma and narcissistic 38 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:22,205 abuse due to being born into a religious cult and brought up by narcissistic 39 00:02:22,425 --> 00:02:26,120 parents. I'm estranged from 1 and distant from the other. Over the 40 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,720 decades, I've been on a self help journey which has given me the tools to 41 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,400 understand what I experienced, why it's affecting me now as a 40 year 42 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,080 old despite having left both the cult and the toxic family home as a 43 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,775 teenager of 17. I work in a profession that pays the bills, 44 00:02:40,775 --> 00:02:44,075 but I have long desired to pursue filmmaking as a writer director. 45 00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:47,975 I know that I want to write the things that resonate most with my experience 46 00:02:47,975 --> 00:02:51,735 but feel completely stuck as a result. I feel steeped in shame about 47 00:02:51,735 --> 00:02:55,310 what I went through, guilt that I didn't leave sooner, that I was in some 48 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:58,930 way complicit in my own entrapment within these toxic systems. 49 00:02:59,390 --> 00:03:02,989 I'm still working my way through the grief process, so I'm aware that I'm probably 50 00:03:02,989 --> 00:03:06,430 not ready to write directly about my experience in a way that is healthy and 51 00:03:06,430 --> 00:03:10,144 collaborative for the viewer slash reader. Yet I don't feel compelled to do 52 00:03:10,144 --> 00:03:13,605 storytelling about frivolous things just to be in the business. 53 00:03:13,905 --> 00:03:17,504 I feel like I'm still so angry about what happened and still feel a certain 54 00:03:17,504 --> 00:03:21,185 lack of agency in my life, an inability to give myself permission to 55 00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:25,000 live and create meaning. I was so strongly conditioned to give my 56 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,680 agency over to a higher authority that it feels terrifying to attempt to 57 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,439 claim that right in a meaningful and intentional way. I guess I assume 58 00:03:32,439 --> 00:03:35,640 that expressing it through art is one way of doing it, but sense that I'm 59 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:39,424 perhaps making the wrong assumptions. I sense that I'm putting so much pressure 60 00:03:39,424 --> 00:03:43,185 on myself to heal and immediately become a successful filmmaker, probably 61 00:03:43,185 --> 00:03:46,944 because of my perfectionist tendencies. Yet I haven't been able to find 62 00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:50,405 someone who quite gets what it's like living in this weird place of contradiction 63 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,740 between self denial and an unquenchable desire to connect with that self 64 00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:58,340 authentically? How can I find a way to reconcile my need to express 65 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:02,100 myself artistically in a way that's authentic and collaborative rather than 66 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:05,865 about getting all preachy and angry towards my audience? Thank you so much for 67 00:04:05,865 --> 00:04:08,905 this question. This is a great question. And I want to say this was a 68 00:04:08,905 --> 00:04:12,345 really well written question, so I just want to call out here that you definitely 69 00:04:12,345 --> 00:04:16,185 are a good writer. I love this question. I can completely relate to your 70 00:04:16,185 --> 00:04:19,144 question. And the more I read your question, the more I was like, I think 71 00:04:19,144 --> 00:04:22,480 I'm actually going through this right now. And I had to be like, wow. I'm 72 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,680 gonna give myself some advice here too. So thank you so much for writing this 73 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,440 question. First, I just wanna say I am so sorry for 74 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,280 what you've experienced in your past, and I wanna honor where you're at in 75 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:36,605 your journey. You've clearly done a lot of inner work, 76 00:04:36,905 --> 00:04:40,185 and I hope you are continuing to be kind and compassionate with yourself as you 77 00:04:40,185 --> 00:04:43,945 continue to heal. Sounds like you've been through a lot, and I 78 00:04:43,945 --> 00:04:47,400 just wanna honor that. It takes time and patience to heal 79 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:51,000 from childhood wounds and it sounds like you grew up in a 80 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,760 toxic childhood environment. And that's gonna take time and I'm just 81 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,200 grateful that you're taking the time. And I wanted to call out here that you 82 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,855 were in no way complicit in your own entrapment and the abusive 83 00:05:01,855 --> 00:05:05,615 situations you found yourself in. I was struck by the guilt 84 00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:09,375 you felt for not leaving sooner and feeling complicit. I 85 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:13,215 think it's so interesting how hard it is for us to let go 86 00:05:13,215 --> 00:05:16,800 of things that happened in our childhood because I know you know this, 87 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,320 and I know that me saying this isn't going to erase your pain. 88 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,160 But 17 is a child. You were a child when you left. I 89 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,920 think it's incredibly brave that you left. I think it shows your strength that you 90 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,585 were able to leave at 17. I experienced a lot of 91 00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:35,345 abuse in my youth and a lot of trauma, and I did 92 00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:38,305 not begin looking at it until my twenties. I did not leave a lot of 93 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:42,145 these situations. I actually got involved in more toxic and abusive situations. And I 94 00:05:42,145 --> 00:05:45,509 don't know where your path has led you, but I just really want to assure 95 00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:49,050 you that it's not your fault. I am so sorry that you 96 00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:52,629 believe it's your fault. I know that's part of narcissism and that's part of that 97 00:05:52,629 --> 00:05:56,389 cult like structure is the mind games and the 98 00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,650 brainwashing is what I call it. I also experienced narcissistic abuse and I 99 00:06:00,585 --> 00:06:04,265 spent the summer healing from a lot of the beliefs I took on from 100 00:06:04,265 --> 00:06:07,945 living in a household with someone with narcissistic traits. And what 101 00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:11,625 I'm struck by is how much it's like being brainwashed and 102 00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:14,820 how coming out of that brainwashing takes time, 103 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,400 energy, compassion, a lot of tears and it's hard 104 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,840 work. So I just put that here because I just want you to 105 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,680 know that none of this was your fault. And it's so interesting because 106 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,320 I read your question and I'm so clearly like oh my god none of this 107 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,505 was your fault. Please be kind to yourself. Please be kind to your 17 year 108 00:06:31,505 --> 00:06:34,965 old self who still resides in you. Please be kind to all the younger yous. 109 00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:38,884 But it's so much harder to be kind to ourselves than it is to others. 110 00:06:39,345 --> 00:06:42,540 And I just wanted to take a moment to really say that none of this 111 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:45,680 is your fault, and I'm so sorry you grew up in such a abusive environment. 112 00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:49,660 And I also wanted to say that I think you're so brave. I think it's 113 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:52,960 incredible that you were able to leave that environment at 17. 114 00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,604 And I've been thinking a lot about the word bravery, and I just wanted to 115 00:06:56,604 --> 00:07:00,225 talk a bit about it here because people listening are trauma survivors. 116 00:07:00,764 --> 00:07:04,445 And I think trauma survivors are called brave all the time, and I think we 117 00:07:04,445 --> 00:07:08,205 are brave. But what I've really been thinking about bravery recently because 118 00:07:08,205 --> 00:07:11,460 I've been working with a trauma specialist who will call me brave all the time. 119 00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:15,220 And I'm always like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's so hard. 120 00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:18,740 I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm brave, but, like, really, like, I'm a coward. And 121 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:22,420 she's like, no. You're brave. And I'm like, no. No. No. I'm a coward. Let's 122 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:25,540 move on. But, you know, she calls me brave every week, so it's made me 123 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:29,215 think about being brave. And what I've realized about bravery 124 00:07:29,355 --> 00:07:33,115 is that we don't feel brave in the moment. We often feel a lot 125 00:07:33,115 --> 00:07:36,475 of fear, a lot of terror. And so you are 126 00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:40,090 brave, and I think it's beautiful that you've created a beautiful life for yourself and 127 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:43,930 continue to give yourself the love and attention you deserve despite what you've 128 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:47,530 been through. You know? That to me is brave. It is brave when trauma 129 00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:51,210 survivors take their power back. It is brave even though it can 130 00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:54,815 feel really terrifying. And I wanted to begin this episode by talking 131 00:07:54,815 --> 00:07:58,335 about bravery because I think it's really brave that you want to 132 00:07:58,335 --> 00:08:02,095 create and write about your experience. I think it's really 133 00:08:02,095 --> 00:08:05,850 brave that you wanna pursue writing and directing. I think it's 134 00:08:05,850 --> 00:08:09,610 really brave that you wanna write a story that's connected to your heart and to 135 00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:13,290 your authentic expression. And so I say this because 136 00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:17,130 throughout your question, it sounds like there's a lot of fear coming up, 137 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:20,765 which is leaving you stuck. But I wanna remind you here at the 138 00:08:20,765 --> 00:08:24,125 beginning that you are brave and that it's brave that you wanna do this and 139 00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:27,565 you are courageous and that you will write the story that's in your 140 00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:31,085 heart. It just may take a little bit longer than your 141 00:08:31,085 --> 00:08:34,769 mind wants it to take. So the first thing I wanna talk about, which I 142 00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:38,209 think is the most important thing, is that you need to take the 143 00:08:38,209 --> 00:08:41,510 pressure off yourself. I think you've put a lot of expectations 144 00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:45,410 on what this story means, and it is blocking you 145 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:49,025 from just writing the story that wants to be written. 146 00:08:49,565 --> 00:08:53,325 So I really feel like you need to give yourself permission to write 147 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:56,845 for you and to just write this first draft as it 148 00:08:56,845 --> 00:09:00,670 needs to be written. It's okay if it comes out angry. It's okay if 149 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:04,190 it comes out sad. It's okay if it comes out preachy. It's a first 150 00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:07,870 draft. It's okay no matter what it comes out as. But I think you 151 00:09:07,870 --> 00:09:11,550 really need to give yourself permission to just write from where you 152 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:15,155 are. Because what I find is that writing changes. It 153 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,515 evolves. Story evolves as we write it. It's why I like it. It's why I 154 00:09:18,515 --> 00:09:22,355 find it so enjoyable. And in your question, you mentioned that you 155 00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:26,195 struggle to give yourself permission to live and to create. And I think this is 156 00:09:26,195 --> 00:09:30,010 an example of that. By having so much pressure and expectations on 157 00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:33,770 this story, you're stopping yourself from creating. So I think 158 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:37,290 you need to take a deep breath and give yourself permission to write 159 00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:41,050 whatever you want. And I think perfectionism is a way we keep 160 00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:44,695 ourselves from creating. Creating is a messy process. It's never 161 00:09:44,695 --> 00:09:48,055 perfect. Every single thing I create, I think, could be better 162 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:51,515 or could have more information or 163 00:09:51,815 --> 00:09:55,415 could have been done differently. There has never been an episode of 164 00:09:55,415 --> 00:09:59,230 newbie advice that I have recorded that I haven't listened back and said, shoot. 165 00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:02,910 I should have said x as well. But I continue to just 166 00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:06,589 show up and hope that the episodes resonate and that what I say on the 167 00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:10,029 episodes is what I needed to say. But the truth is I never feel like 168 00:10:10,029 --> 00:10:13,125 any of these episodes are perfect. I never feel like any of my writing is 169 00:10:13,125 --> 00:10:16,565 perfect. I have a bunch of poems on my website. I go back and I 170 00:10:16,565 --> 00:10:20,405 fiddle with them all the time. I don't think anything's ever 171 00:10:20,405 --> 00:10:24,165 perfect, and I think that's part of creativity. And maybe that's part of my 172 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,660 own perfectionism as well that nothing's ever perfect. But part of 173 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:31,020 creativity is finding ways to move past your own 174 00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:34,860 perfectionism, you know, and allowing yourself to show up. And I think part of 175 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:38,380 perfectionism is a fear of being vulnerable and creativity is very 176 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:42,014 vulnerable. It comes from you. And we live in a world where people love to 177 00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:45,694 criticize creativity, and that's okay. It's part of the 178 00:10:45,694 --> 00:10:49,134 world we live in. But it can be really hard, especially as a trauma survivor 179 00:10:49,134 --> 00:10:52,334 who grew up with a lot of criticism in their youth. I know for me, 180 00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:56,029 being a survivor of trauma, but also growing up in a critical household, growing up 181 00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:59,490 with teachers that were critical, I still really struggle with criticism. 182 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:03,870 And it's been a practice for me to learn how to not allow 183 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:07,665 that criticism to stop me from creating. But honestly, it's more the 184 00:11:07,745 --> 00:11:11,045 fear of criticism stops me from creating than actual criticism. 185 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:15,345 Sometimes people will leave mean comments on my podcast. That's fine. Sometimes they 186 00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:19,185 knock me down. Usually though, what knocks me down first is my 187 00:11:19,185 --> 00:11:22,644 fear of what people will say, not actually what people say. 188 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:26,890 And that has been a kind of like an inner monster that I've 189 00:11:26,890 --> 00:11:30,730 had to learn how to dance with. Vulnerability can be scary especially when we grew 190 00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:34,410 up in abusive environments because oftentimes that vulnerability is what 191 00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:38,105 was punished. So I just ask you to be kind to yourself throughout 192 00:11:38,105 --> 00:11:41,945 this process and patient and notice what your triggers are. Like, 193 00:11:41,945 --> 00:11:45,545 where are you stuck? Why are you stuck? I know you mentioned the pressure and 194 00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:49,280 the perfectionism, but what are the thoughts arising? Is it that this needs to be 195 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,580 perfect? Is it that this is your ticket out of your life? Is it that 196 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,160 you fear repercussions from the 197 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,600 people who you grew up with in your youth? I know I've struggled with that. 198 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,904 I talk a lot about what happened to me in my teen years. I used 199 00:12:01,904 --> 00:12:04,865 to really be afraid that the people who raped me would, like, come after me. 200 00:12:04,865 --> 00:12:08,144 And now I'm like, they'd have to admit they raped me to come after me. 201 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,904 They're not gonna say anything. And if they do, we'll figure 202 00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:15,425 that out. But, you know, a lot of fears can arise. 203 00:12:15,425 --> 00:12:19,270 So when you feel stuck, I find writer's block for me is really 204 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:23,110 about looking at the fears that are arising, the self doubt and this negative self 205 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,870 talk more so than just pushing myself to 206 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:30,505 sit down and be disciplined. I think that is part of it. Part of being 207 00:12:30,505 --> 00:12:33,985 a creative is being disciplined with your talent. Half the 208 00:12:33,985 --> 00:12:37,505 battle is putting time aside. But I also think as a trauma survivor that that 209 00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:41,265 negative self talk and those criticisms from your youth and the pain and 210 00:12:41,265 --> 00:12:45,050 the trauma can be debilitating. And so sometimes 211 00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:49,210 for that 15 minutes you were gonna write, it's looking at why you're not writing 212 00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:53,030 and it's looking at the fear that's arising and it's doing the inner child work 213 00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:56,650 and it's being with yourself and allowing it to be okay 214 00:12:57,125 --> 00:13:00,805 that you're not productive that day. And that's what I found personally. Last 215 00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:03,764 week, I uploaded an episode that I had recorded a while ago. I had planned 216 00:13:03,764 --> 00:13:07,285 on recording a new episode, but I was knocked down last Monday. I record on 217 00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:11,110 Mondays. And I was knocked down by a few 218 00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:14,550 things that happened, and I just really was in a place of, like, life is 219 00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:18,310 unfair. I was just processing the fact that I experienced trauma, and 220 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:22,150 I was just grieving the life I could have had, which I know that's not 221 00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:25,885 how it works. I'm a believer that we're life's a journey. It's not 222 00:13:25,885 --> 00:13:29,565 about the destination. But I still had a lot of feelings 223 00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:32,865 about how unfair life felt, how it felt like at 32, 224 00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:37,325 I'm beginning a bunch of new things. I'm beginning piano 225 00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:41,050 and singing and a few different artistic hobbies. And 226 00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:43,610 I just had this moment where it was like, if I hadn't been gang raped, 227 00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:47,150 where would I be? I just had to allow myself that. 228 00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:51,545 But then I had to pick myself back up. And I had to be 229 00:13:51,545 --> 00:13:55,385 like, okay, you had all your feelings but this is where you are, Amanda. You 230 00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:59,225 have to accept where you are and what do you want with your life 231 00:13:59,225 --> 00:14:03,065 from here? You get to choose moving forward. Right? So that's that agency you're 232 00:14:03,065 --> 00:14:06,420 talking about. And I love that you brought up agency because you do get to 233 00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:10,020 choose from here on out what you get your life to be and what your 234 00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:13,460 life looks like and you get to be intentional with it. And you are 235 00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:17,175 brave because a bunch of fears are gonna be triggered. I view it as those 236 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:20,795 negative beliefs are programmed into our brain. Our brain is like a computer 237 00:14:21,175 --> 00:14:24,615 and if we took on negative beliefs as a child we have to 238 00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:28,375 unprogram them. We have to go into that supercomputer in our brain and 239 00:14:28,375 --> 00:14:30,935 we have to find the belief and we have to take it out and put 240 00:14:30,935 --> 00:14:34,710 in a new one And that takes a lot of time, energy, and feelings. 241 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:39,090 As I mentioned, stories evolve as you write them, so allow yourself to just 242 00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:42,930 write what wants to be written right now. And as a writer, 243 00:14:42,930 --> 00:14:45,490 you have to tell the story your heart wants to tell because it's gonna lead 244 00:14:45,490 --> 00:14:49,214 you either to the next story or to a healing, but our hearts have the 245 00:14:49,214 --> 00:14:52,415 story it wants us to tell. I once had a writing teacher say that we 246 00:14:52,415 --> 00:14:55,855 write because we're looking for the answer to a question. And I love that because 247 00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:59,070 that's been true for me in my life is that oftentimes the stories I write, 248 00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:02,910 I haven't always even been conscious of the question I'm asking, but it's 249 00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:06,750 like, oh, my mind was trying to figure something out. It can 250 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:10,350 be about people's indifference or about emotions and grief 251 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:13,950 or trying to figure out something about your childhood and seeing that something really 252 00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:17,704 wasn't your fault or seeing maybe where someone else was coming from. But 253 00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:21,464 what I love about creativity is that creativity is often a gift. 254 00:15:21,464 --> 00:15:24,745 Right? And it's a gift that you get to have first and then you get 255 00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:27,880 the choice if you wanna share that gift with the world. Most stories I have 256 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,480 written live in my desk drawer, so they have just been gifts for me. But 257 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,320 each story has given me a gift. And though those stories 258 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,840 live in a drawer, each of them gave me a gift and helped me come 259 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,435 to the next story. And it's one of the frustrating things about being a creative 260 00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:46,035 is I feel like the outside world would tell you, you have to produce things 261 00:15:46,035 --> 00:15:49,555 that sell. And this creative, me, and a lot of 262 00:15:49,555 --> 00:15:53,394 creatives I know, they write more than ever is sold. You know what 263 00:15:53,394 --> 00:15:56,880 I mean? It's really that you write or you 264 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,560 podcast or you draw, and maybe some of that 265 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,160 gets put out in the world. But it's really this inner process, if that makes 266 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:08,000 sense, and it's a gift for you first. Another thing I wanted to mention is 267 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,995 that creativity is an amazing tool for healing. I talk about it all the time. 268 00:16:10,995 --> 00:16:14,595 And so when you write that angry draft for whatever is authentic to you, but 269 00:16:14,595 --> 00:16:18,435 when you just start allowing yourself to write, you will begin 270 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,955 moving energy and moving feelings. And you might find that you 271 00:16:21,955 --> 00:16:25,680 write the first act of this movie and it's super angry, and 272 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,960 you get out so much of that anger that you're already ready to go back 273 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,800 and write a new draft. Or you just write an angry outline, and then you're 274 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,500 ready to reevaluate that outline. You have to just start moving this energy. 275 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,680 You know, that's what it sounds like you have. The pressure you're putting on yourself 276 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,495 and this stuckness is like this big weight you're carrying, and you just 277 00:16:43,495 --> 00:16:47,255 have to start chipping away at that weight. And then it'll be 278 00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:50,855 like a river is the visual I'm getting. Right? So there's this big 279 00:16:50,855 --> 00:16:54,695 boulder, and this river is gonna come at that boulder. And eventually, it's 280 00:16:54,695 --> 00:16:58,230 just gonna push the boulder off, and the creativity is just gonna start 281 00:16:58,230 --> 00:17:02,070 flowing. But you have to stop judging it ahead of time. You're like, 282 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:05,849 how do I not write this angry, preachy draft? It's like write that angry, preachy 283 00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:09,750 draft first and see if it's that angry and preachy. An example from my 284 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:12,775 life is that I've been working on a memoir. It feels like the bane of 285 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:16,295 my existence. I try to put this memoir on the shelf over and over 286 00:17:16,295 --> 00:17:19,815 again because part of me does not want to write this story and then my 287 00:17:19,815 --> 00:17:23,335 heart's like we are writing this story. But I wrote a draft of it in 288 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:27,089 the spring called my Villain Origin Story. So I tell this because 289 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:30,310 that was my angry draft. It was me embodying the villain 290 00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:34,050 because many trauma survivors, when they try to talk about their 291 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:37,330 trauma, end up feeling like a villain. They end up feeling like the bad guy 292 00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:40,870 because they're calling people on bad behavior. They're saying things people don't wanna hear. 293 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:45,475 And a lot of times, people will victim blame and things like that. And 294 00:17:45,475 --> 00:17:48,835 so I wrote this draft of my memoir. It wasn't even a complete draft, to 295 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:52,595 be completely honest. It was just a bunch of chapters. And I wrote them 296 00:17:52,595 --> 00:17:56,419 from this angry, villainous perspective. And then I froze. And 297 00:17:56,419 --> 00:17:59,780 I didn't do anything with it and I kept judging myself like this is what 298 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:03,620 you wanted, why aren't you doing anything with this? And what I realized was those 299 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:07,400 drafts needed to be written. I needed to move that anger. 300 00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:11,320 But once I moved that anger, I was able to see some relationships clearer, 301 00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:15,335 situations clearer, and I had some more healing to do. But after 302 00:18:15,335 --> 00:18:19,015 I came to terms with some things and some people in my life, I 303 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,735 realized I didn't want to be the villain. I don't want to be the villain. 304 00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:25,335 I don't see myself as a villain. I'm just a human. I'm a trauma 305 00:18:25,335 --> 00:18:29,090 survivor. I actually think I'm a good person on most days. I can still 306 00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:32,710 judge myself. But I needed to write that angry 307 00:18:32,770 --> 00:18:36,290 draft. I needed to embody the villain. Because 308 00:18:36,290 --> 00:18:39,995 one, not everything I wrote needs to be thrown in the trash. I'm 309 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,515 actually gonna share on Friday. I'm gonna start doing, like, story time Fridays or Friday 310 00:18:43,515 --> 00:18:47,355 shares. You will find out Friday what I'm calling it, where I share short stories 311 00:18:47,355 --> 00:18:50,795 that I've written. And one of them is from this villain 312 00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:54,475 memoir. I'm going to share it Friday as an example of angry 313 00:18:54,475 --> 00:18:57,659 writing that I don't think is preachy. 314 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,799 I was angry when I wrote it and it's about anger, but 315 00:19:01,799 --> 00:19:05,640 it's a realistic look at my life as a trauma 316 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,159 survivor. When I was reading your question, I was also reminded of the 317 00:19:09,159 --> 00:19:12,745 movie Promising Young Women. I don't know if you've seen it. It was written and 318 00:19:12,745 --> 00:19:16,505 directed by Emerald Fennel. And, I share this with you because, to 319 00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:19,725 me, that movie's an angry movie. It's a revenge 320 00:19:19,865 --> 00:19:23,645 movie. It's not a happy go lucky movie. I wouldn't call it frivolous. 321 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,620 She probably wrote it from an angry place. And that's what makes it powerful, 322 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,140 impactful, and memorable. So I invite you to give yourself 323 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:35,140 permission to write your angry draft. My guess is 324 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,095 that you probably judge your anger. I'm not sure 325 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,815 this is true, but I know for a long time I used to judge my 326 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,415 anger. Anger moves energy and 327 00:19:46,415 --> 00:19:50,095 anger shows us where our boundaries have been lacking and shows 328 00:19:50,095 --> 00:19:53,870 us where we are not loving ourselves. Anger is a communicator 329 00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:57,690 and it's so uncomfortable and then we can't ignore it. So I 330 00:19:57,690 --> 00:20:01,530 invite you to lean into your anger. Like I said, write that angry 331 00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:04,910 draft. It's okay to be angry about what you experienced. 332 00:20:05,425 --> 00:20:08,225 You know, I find a lot of times anger is trying to show us, like, 333 00:20:08,225 --> 00:20:12,065 look here. Look at this situation. This is a situation where 334 00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:15,585 you created a belief about yourself that is not true. And 335 00:20:15,585 --> 00:20:19,330 so I just invite you to lean into the anger 336 00:20:19,330 --> 00:20:22,870 and to take the pressure off and to release all expectations 337 00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:27,090 around what you think this story needs to be. I find creativity has a 338 00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:30,929 life of its own. I view creative projects like children in a way. 339 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:34,284 They come from us and they're going to have their own 340 00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:38,345 life. And we want to control it. Like so many people wanna control their children. 341 00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:42,184 But the truth is, these creations come to us. I believe 342 00:20:42,184 --> 00:20:45,304 from a higher power. You can believe from your heart, from yourself, from your brain, 343 00:20:45,304 --> 00:20:48,345 whatever you believe in. I believe it comes from the divine. And the divine gives 344 00:20:48,345 --> 00:20:52,000 us this gift. And it's got a life of its 345 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,759 own and we get to go along for the ride with it. And we create 346 00:20:55,759 --> 00:20:59,600 the boundaries for it. Right? The disciplined space for that gift to 347 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,220 come into the world. But we're birthing that gift. 348 00:21:03,385 --> 00:21:07,065 It's not about controlling that gift. Okay, so now that we've 349 00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:10,585 talked about taking the pressure off and allowing yourself to write that angry draft, allowing 350 00:21:10,585 --> 00:21:13,465 yourself to write whatever your heart wants, right? You might sit down and it might 351 00:21:13,465 --> 00:21:17,110 end up being a sad draft, too. So just allow yourself to begin 352 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,230 working on this project. I really think you just need to give yourself permission from 353 00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:23,990 what it sounds like and permission to not be perfect. As I've mentioned, creativity is 354 00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:27,350 a messy process. It's never perfect on the first 355 00:21:27,350 --> 00:21:31,134 draft. We just have to start getting words on the page and then 356 00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:34,634 the flow will start. You know what I mean? Some things you might not ever 357 00:21:34,634 --> 00:21:37,595 have to edit in your final draft and other things will be rewritten 7 times. 358 00:21:37,595 --> 00:21:41,034 It's just part of the process. It's a messy process. You know you have to 359 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:44,799 allow yourself to get your hands dirty and that's okay. Okay 360 00:21:44,799 --> 00:21:47,840 so now that we've talked about why you should take the pressure off yourself I 361 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,120 wanna talk about how it still may be hard to create and I think this 362 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:54,720 does with all the hard feelings you've talked about. You mentioned feeling 363 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,385 shame, guilt, anger and grief. You know, that's a lot of 364 00:21:58,385 --> 00:22:01,985 difficult feelings. And I think creativity can really help us process our 365 00:22:01,985 --> 00:22:05,825 hard feelings, but these hard feelings can also cause us to freeze or 366 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,585 to go into different stress responses, right, like fight or flight, especially the 367 00:22:09,585 --> 00:22:13,150 shame and guilt, And that can keep us from doing the things we wanna 368 00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:16,990 do. You know, you mentioned self denial. And that is something I have 369 00:22:16,990 --> 00:22:20,830 struggled with throughout my life as well is that I really have had 370 00:22:20,830 --> 00:22:24,270 to work on not denying myself the things I want to do 371 00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:28,035 most, if that makes sense. You know, I find that 372 00:22:28,415 --> 00:22:32,175 when I don't allow myself to be creative, sometimes it's because the 373 00:22:32,175 --> 00:22:35,935 universe is asking me to wait. But many times it's a form 374 00:22:35,935 --> 00:22:39,635 of self punishment or it's because creativity 375 00:22:39,935 --> 00:22:43,350 can be triggering so I ignore it. Right? Like writing my 376 00:22:43,350 --> 00:22:47,190 memoir. It feels so hard because it can trigger me so I often 377 00:22:47,190 --> 00:22:51,030 avoid it because I don't wanna be triggered. But the truth is when I sit 378 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:54,710 down and write it, I feel empowered and it helps me in so 379 00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:57,985 many ways and it's a story I really want to tell. It's a story only 380 00:22:57,985 --> 00:23:01,745 I can tell. Right? And this movie you wanna write is only a story you 381 00:23:01,745 --> 00:23:05,345 can tell. And with all that, it's also understanding that 382 00:23:05,345 --> 00:23:08,945 it's okay if there are days where these hard feelings you 383 00:23:08,945 --> 00:23:12,520 expressed keep you from creating. I have found that 384 00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:16,340 creativity is much harder when we are hard on ourselves, and I find 385 00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:20,100 my creativity flourishes when I'm kind to myself. And it's blocked when I beat 386 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:23,320 myself up. And shame and guilt can really create negative self talk. 387 00:23:23,804 --> 00:23:27,565 So I want you to begin noticing this. You know? What stories are you telling 388 00:23:27,565 --> 00:23:31,245 yourself about writing, directing, about telling your 389 00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:35,085 story? What beliefs are coming up? What thoughts are playing on repeat? You know? Really 390 00:23:35,085 --> 00:23:38,890 become aware. And I find when it comes to telling stories about 391 00:23:38,890 --> 00:23:42,650 our past, especially as trauma survivors, guilt so often comes up 392 00:23:42,650 --> 00:23:46,490 because we feel guilty portraying people a certain way. It sounds like you might be 393 00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:50,125 writing a fictionalized story, but I've taken memoir writing classes 394 00:23:50,184 --> 00:23:53,705 and everybody experiences the guilt of talking about 395 00:23:53,705 --> 00:23:57,465 people in their life. Part of the writing is processing the guilt 396 00:23:57,465 --> 00:24:00,664 and letting go of the guilt and knowing that you deserve to tell your story. 397 00:24:00,664 --> 00:24:04,230 You deserve to have your point of view and you do not have to be 398 00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:07,450 afraid. For me in my life, by doing this podcast 399 00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:11,750 and writing my memoir and writing short stories about my life, I am humbled 400 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,950 time and time again about how much I fear telling my story, how much I 401 00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:18,745 fear what other people think, what other people say. So many fears come 402 00:24:18,745 --> 00:24:22,505 up, but it's also been so healing because creativity triggers us, 403 00:24:22,505 --> 00:24:26,265 but it also triggers us to heal. Right? So many things that I 404 00:24:26,265 --> 00:24:29,784 have healed and looked at and processed, I never would have looked at if I 405 00:24:29,784 --> 00:24:32,409 never started this podcast. I never would have looked at it if I didn't write 406 00:24:32,409 --> 00:24:35,950 my memoir. It is almost like creativity is bringing us towards 407 00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:39,610 our greatest expansion, you know, the fullest version of ourselves, the 408 00:24:39,610 --> 00:24:43,210 version of ourselves we dream of being. And so I find with healing, 409 00:24:43,210 --> 00:24:46,235 sometimes we're triggered along the way because we have to look at certain things that 410 00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:49,435 are keeping us from being the version of ourselves we dream of or the version 411 00:24:49,435 --> 00:24:53,115 of ourselves that feels really alive. So, again, 412 00:24:53,115 --> 00:24:56,495 it's just allowing the balance of 413 00:24:56,715 --> 00:25:00,429 writing, taking the pressure off, and allowing days where 414 00:25:00,429 --> 00:25:03,309 you may just have to process some feelings because you have been through a lot 415 00:25:03,309 --> 00:25:07,070 and that is okay. I've always dreamed of being a creative who hadn't been 416 00:25:07,070 --> 00:25:10,029 through anything because then I could just create all the time. But the truth is 417 00:25:10,029 --> 00:25:13,804 I wouldn't have anything to say. All my creativity comes from my trauma. That's 418 00:25:13,804 --> 00:25:17,325 just who I am. That's where my voice comes from. That's where the messages I 419 00:25:17,325 --> 00:25:20,845 wanna share come from. They come from what I've survived. They've come from my 420 00:25:20,845 --> 00:25:24,684 healing. And the last thing I want to touch on before I wrap up this 421 00:25:24,684 --> 00:25:28,400 question is how you that it feels terrifying to claim agency over your own 422 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,920 life. 1, I wanna say that you're doing this every single day. Every day you 423 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,280 choose to heal, you choose to show up intentionally, you choose to align with your 424 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:39,025 heart, you are taking agency over your own life. You know, you 425 00:25:39,025 --> 00:25:42,785 deserve to live an intentional life which you already are. And I 426 00:25:42,785 --> 00:25:45,985 wanna shift your perspective a bit and point out that no matter what you do 427 00:25:45,985 --> 00:25:49,665 or don't do, your life already has meaning. Every second your life has 428 00:25:49,665 --> 00:25:53,500 meaning. It matters. The fact that you breathe every day is a miracle. So I 429 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:56,940 invite you to spend time acknowledging the present and being grateful for what you have 430 00:25:56,940 --> 00:25:59,900 today even if it's just the shirt on your back and the breath in your 431 00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:03,740 lungs because I am a fellow trauma survivor. And the more I heal, the more 432 00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:06,915 I'm like, holy shit. It's such a miracle that I'm still here. It's such a 433 00:26:06,915 --> 00:26:10,275 miracle that I'm not a horrible person. I'm a good person. It's such a 434 00:26:10,275 --> 00:26:14,035 miracle where I have ended up. And, again, last week, I had feelings about 435 00:26:14,035 --> 00:26:17,715 how unfair it is about where I ended up. So this is a endless cycle 436 00:26:17,715 --> 00:26:21,290 I feel like I'm in where I'm just evolving over time. So please be kind 437 00:26:21,290 --> 00:26:24,970 to me. I might contradict myself sometimes on the podcast and that's just part of 438 00:26:24,970 --> 00:26:28,490 the healing journey. So thank you for being here. But I just wanted to point 439 00:26:28,490 --> 00:26:32,030 out the miracle thing because I think you're putting so much pressure on this story 440 00:26:32,330 --> 00:26:35,505 and that's because you're putting a lot of pressure on the future. And the more 441 00:26:35,505 --> 00:26:38,945 present you become and the more you appreciate the present moment, I know it sounds 442 00:26:38,945 --> 00:26:42,065 hippie dippie, but the more you appreciate the present moment, the more you don't need 443 00:26:42,065 --> 00:26:45,825 to be anywhere else. The more that you are just grateful to be right 444 00:26:45,825 --> 00:26:49,460 here, right now. The more that you allow 445 00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:53,299 the mysteries of life to work through you. And that's what 446 00:26:53,299 --> 00:26:57,140 creativity is. It's a mystery. That's how I view it. Maybe somebody out 447 00:26:57,140 --> 00:27:00,740 there has cracked it, the code of creativity, but I think it's a mystery 448 00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:04,465 because it always brings me a gift, it always heals me in some way, 449 00:27:04,525 --> 00:27:08,205 it always evolves me, and it's always so much freaking fun when 450 00:27:08,205 --> 00:27:11,805 I just let go. So with the agency over your life, I 451 00:27:11,805 --> 00:27:15,265 mentioned that letting go piece because I think that with perfectionism 452 00:27:15,645 --> 00:27:19,400 there's a piece of control. We're trying to control the outcome. 453 00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:22,900 And as I think I've mentioned a few times throughout this episode is that with 454 00:27:22,900 --> 00:27:26,580 creativity it's really a process of letting go. It's a process of 455 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:30,020 surrendering. It's a process of not being in 456 00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:33,565 control. You can write an outline for your story, but so often 457 00:27:33,565 --> 00:27:37,325 it's still going to take on a life of its own. So I 458 00:27:37,325 --> 00:27:40,365 mentioned that letting go because I think that can be one of the fears we 459 00:27:40,365 --> 00:27:44,045 have around creativity is letting go, is sitting down for that 15 minutes. 460 00:27:44,045 --> 00:27:47,700 Because as I mentioned I avoid it because sometimes it triggers me. But in order 461 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:51,460 for me to be honest with my creativity and allow 462 00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:54,900 creativity to come through me, I have to let go. And sometimes it does trigger 463 00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:58,580 me. Sometimes it brings up hard feelings. Sometimes it feels fantastic. Not 464 00:27:58,580 --> 00:28:01,620 every day. And a lot of days, it's just the act of sitting down even 465 00:28:01,620 --> 00:28:05,355 when I don't want to. I think this fear of taking agency over your 466 00:28:05,355 --> 00:28:08,495 life is also a fear of letting go, allowing 467 00:28:08,875 --> 00:28:12,715 yourself to let go of some of this control you might be clinging 468 00:28:12,715 --> 00:28:16,475 onto. You know, as trauma survivors, it is very hard to let 469 00:28:16,475 --> 00:28:19,720 go of control. I have to do that over and over again in my life. 470 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,240 I think that that's an endless process, letting go of control, understanding life is 471 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:27,000 outside of our control, understanding that things are not what we expect. So many 472 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,600 times expectations are the thief of joy. Expectations lead to 473 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,215 disappointment. Expectations lead to depression. And so how do we 474 00:28:34,215 --> 00:28:37,815 let go of expectations? We come back to the present moment. How do we let 475 00:28:37,815 --> 00:28:41,515 go of pressure? We come back to the present moment. We let go. 476 00:28:41,815 --> 00:28:45,450 It's learning to ride the wave of life, and that happens one step 477 00:28:45,450 --> 00:28:48,970 at a time and I wonder if your first step is allowing yourself to get 478 00:28:48,970 --> 00:28:52,809 a little messy and start writing your story, any story. So I hope something 479 00:28:52,809 --> 00:28:55,230 in this answer was helpful. Thank you so much for this question. 480 00:29:01,255 --> 00:29:04,134 Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of Nuvia Advice. As always, 481 00:29:04,134 --> 00:29:07,975 I love having these conversations each week. I hope this episode was helpful for someone 482 00:29:07,975 --> 00:29:11,809 out there or at least somebody can resonate and be like, yeah, me too. If 483 00:29:11,809 --> 00:29:15,650 you haven't already, I invite you to subscribe to the podcast. I was inspired by 484 00:29:15,650 --> 00:29:19,490 this question and I have been avoiding a project I have had in the 485 00:29:19,490 --> 00:29:22,530 back of my mind for a really long time and it is minisodes on Fridays 486 00:29:22,530 --> 00:29:25,815 where I share short stories from my life on the podcast. So I'll be starting 487 00:29:25,815 --> 00:29:29,595 that this Friday in order to hold myself accountable. 488 00:29:29,735 --> 00:29:32,294 I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna throw it out there. And I hope 489 00:29:32,294 --> 00:29:35,895 that inspires somebody out there too to just take that step because this is 490 00:29:35,895 --> 00:29:39,414 something I have been talking about but haven't done. And I've 491 00:29:39,414 --> 00:29:43,250 decided, you know what? YOLO. Anybody else out there, a millennial YOLO. You 492 00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:47,010 only live once. So, anyways, I'm gonna start short 493 00:29:47,010 --> 00:29:50,130 episodes on Friday. So if you haven't already, subscribe to the podcast so you don't 494 00:29:50,130 --> 00:29:53,768 miss a thing. And I hope I was able to offer you a new view. 495 00:29:53,768 --> 00:29:56,507 Thank you so much for joining me, and I hope to see you again.