Title: How one man was given another chance at life

I remember the mental struggle, the lack of achievement, the failures, and I just felt worthless.

Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. In the UK, Dan felt like nothing in life was going his way. He'd recently lost his mother, a series of businesses he'd started hadn't worked out. And he was struggling with his mental health. When one evening he decided to go for a walk. This story contains graphic details of suicide, which some listeners might find upsetting.

It was around eight o'clock, nine o'clock at night, I'd pick that time on purpose. Because I didn't want anybody to be around, it was a big decision, I didn't want to run the risk of anybody being able to persuade me otherwise, I didn't actually take a bag or anything with me, I just took a rope. And I remember wrapping it really tightly around my arm, because I didn't want to be carrying a loose rope, which would arouse suspicion to anybody that was walking past that I kind of did on purpose to try and hide it a little bit. And I thought it would have been that people wouldn't know it's not going to catch it into my side. And I'm looking for the perfect tree. And so I walked through this dense woodland, you know, the floors kind of thick with weeds and moss and vines, and all sorts of other shit. And I keep trudging in. And I find a really dense patch and sort of patch where you can't really see what's really the trees and events, they are in the walk. And I kind of saw this perfect tree. And it had this kind of perfect branch going out, it was pretty much 90 degrees. looks strong enough to hold me it was just above head height. So I had to kind of jump a little bit to get on it. But it was perfect for what I planned on doing. And so I tossed the rope over the top of it, that tie a knot. I went and found a little lock. And I put that underneath the rope. I remember standing there looking at this news for a while. And I mean, it could have been half an hour. I was trying to prepare myself for what I was about to do. And I was thinking of everything that I'd done what I'd thought up I was thinking of the amount of relationships I've ruined or damaged. I remember the song I've been to my mum and dad, I remember the brother I've been to my brother I met remember the trouble I'd got in I remember the you know, issues with police and authority and all sorts of shit. I remember, I remembered the mental struggle, the lack of achievement, the failures, and I just felt worthless. And not only did I feel worthless, I felt like I was what I felt like a burden really, I felt like I was fucking nobody lives up, I thought I felt like I was gonna continue to fuck everybody's lives. I'd been in such pain in my head for so long that for me, it felt like this was the solution. It felt like this. This is the only way to free the people I care about from the shit that I've put them through and probably continue to put them through. It's the only way to free myself from the constant pain in my head. And it was the car must have been probably a long time. It was probably also a part of me deep down there was hoping that I wouldn't do it on the outside and not too loose. There's always gonna be a little party deep down. It's gonna be battling that but overall it was calmness. I was calm. Once I'd built up the confidence in my head to do it. I stood upon this log. I put my head through the noose. And then after maybe a couple of seconds, I kick this log. And sure enough, I dropped this feeling that came over me it was It wasn't fair. It was terror. It's like your entire body sees it because I was like rigour Mortis right it's it's that's that's how scared you are. Gasping for air and I'm probably swinging and fighting to get out of this thing, but it's really fucking difficult when it's that tight around your neck no matter how fucking strong you are. You know, I might I might go Jim, I might have been a strong lad back if you can't get your fucking fingers in because my I'd say awaits dragging me down. That's the point of a noose. I've never felt anything like it before. And the one thing that that made me feel for probably the first time in, in a good few weeks was I didn't want to die. I mean, really didn't want to die. I mean, not just, oh, maybe I don't want to die. It was I don't want to die. And I remember feeling so far. And it's almost like a kind of kind of dream like, and I hit this, this workflow. And I was completely sudden. And I remember just starting laughing hysterically.

You're at that point in the park. You're laying down on his sudden floor. What were what were your next action steps from that moment in time?

That feeling was like an emotion I've never ever gone through. I mean, I can't describe it to you. And it was so powerful to the point where even when I was going to you know, I remember having a really difficult first lockdown I remember I've and I've had a couple of failed businesses along the way. Couple in brackets a lot. And I've been to some pretty low places and whenever I got to a low place, I thought I was going really low. I'd go back to that place. I've been convinced a few times I found the same tree and I'm not sure it is. But I go back there Because I try and I'm never gonna feel that feeling again, hopefully. But I, I want to get a kind of sense of that feeling again, because I want it to remind me how that felt, because that was the most powerful thing I've ever felt. And it's completely snapped me out of it. In fact, it made me want to go alive. Right. And you know what the saddest thing that I thought was, and the thing that I think kind of really gets to me and and the thing that I haven't actually heard anybody else talk about is, I wonder how many manner and other people get to that point of just before committing suicide or killing themselves. And they get to that point, and they feel that same feeling, right. I don't know whether it's just a feeling I felt, you know, or whether it's, this is universal, what I feel like it is, and I want only people get to that point, feel that feeling and their money to go through with it. So I imagine, I'd felt that feeling. I feel like I don't want to die. Imagine everybody gets to that point, whether you've taken an overdose and you start going a bit hazy, or whether you're hanging from a rope or whatever you're done. And then that fear that terror sets in, you realise you don't want to die, and then you die. I remember thinking, imagine if you could bottle that for you. And anybody who's feeling, you know, like they wanted to do that. And he got to that stage, and there's nothing left, there was no other way out. Imagine he'd give him a little drop in that field and just just just show them how it feels. almost imagine how many lives you saved. Right? And I feel like that's why I kind of it's been a bit criminal. We're not telling the story of last 10 years because that that element alone, I don't think people realise that I honestly I'm of the belief because of that, because of my experience with I'm of the belief. I don't think anybody actually wants to die. It feels like it's the only escape. But I think deep down, you know, whether it's whether it's whether it's physically because we you know, because it's kind of in our nature, because we're an animal, we, it's we're about survival, we don't want to die, or whether it's whether it's men, or whether it's something only humans feel that kind of feeling. I don't think people know about that. I don't think I don't think anybody actually wants to.

I had this strange sort of feeling when I was listening to your story that it might sound strange to people listening to this, but I felt when you were laying there and the rope had had snapped and you're realising I don't want to die. I kind of felt this sort of inspiration wash over me like, man, there's so much to live for. Life can be fucking great if you you know, if you put the steps into place if you if you work hard. And in that moment, I was almost so happy for you because I'm thinking man, like Dan's got so much to live for that. There's so much beauty in the world. And he's realised like, I'm so glad you realised that there's tonnes for you out there. I mean, look, look at your life now. I mean, you're doing really well in life. And I'm so glad that you realised that

you know what, it's made me a hell of a lot more resilient. It forced me to go on a long journey again and keep battling to get help, or that one diagnosis and there's a there's probably a couple more coming. There's some pretty big mental health issues at play, I think which have contributed to all the fuck ups in my life and all the misery out cause which led to that moment. But one thing is also maybe it's made me fight to become a better man. It's made me fight to become a more open man, become more honest, and that has translated into both the way I do business. I go in boardrooms in Scally clothing, still with neck tattoos and Al F and Jeff, I don't give a fuck who you are, you can be the CEO of whoever you want to be CEO of, I don't care, I'll take that speech, ask somebody else because I believe in treating people the same and be myself. Nobody talks about authenticity, authenticity, but everyone's got these different massive things and I'm trying my hardest to get to the point where I don't have one.

And I think that it really ties into your brand of and for anyone who doesn't know Dan's got a business by the time this comes out, it will be will be started called the middle finger Club, which I love. I love the name and I think it really ties in with with who you are, I mean, talking about brands and personal brands, and obviously your previous business offended was a good name, but I think middle finger club tops that for me, but I'm also wanting to share what you told me off camera when you got back home after being in the park. And what happened next because when you hear about suicide attempts and tough scenarios that people have been through it's let's watch a film and eat ice cream or just eat some comfort food are wallowing sort of self self pity and cry which is obviously a great thing to cry You know, when you when you're going through tough scenarios. What did you do?

I went in Lhasa, On the couch, and I'm still damp. From the ground, am I still damp? And I had a, it's actually the buzzer goals for the it's the downstairs lobby and these flats. I lived in these flats in Blakely up to Shital. And for that, so I bought them in, comes up to the top when I open the open the front door, knock on the door, open the front door, and it's one of our best mates Jack. And he's standing there with a case of board on his shoulder. I have two best mates I have. I have two bunny and Bunny and Jack. But Jack's the more sensitive one. But yeah, it turns out with this case, a ball on his shoulder and outside with what the fuck yeah, I mean, it's like, this is half an hour since I got back. He said I have been worried about open up for a few days. And he's jacked, I've been very in tune with. He's probably the only person I've ever talked to a lot of our mental health because his own family have had their own struggles. And he understands that a lot more. I think a lot of people that need a lot more receptive to it. And when we talk about listening, this guy can listen and often is his advice is brilliant as well. He doesn't force it on one way he tries to kind of culture into it, just like a counsellor would probably be a very good counsellor. And it turns out he said I was worried about you. And I didn't tell him what to do. And I didn't tell him what happened. And we go into the flat and we crack open this case or both. I think we might even want to Tesco again, I got another one. We were absolutely battered. I was it's honestly, still to this day, probably because of how I felt probably one of my fondest memories of a night with a friend drinking. I remember being the happiest I'd been in batting years. It felt like I think years and, and Jack stayed overnight. I remember getting up in the morning, and maybe some bacon bought you something and he goes, and I didn't actually tell him about that day. And I didn't tell him what he'd done or what it meant to me. Until until years later. Regardless of what he whether he'd done it on purpose or the fact even the fact that it just came because he was worried about me. The timing was impeccable. And I I am forever in his debt.

The image that kind of went through my head is almost you've had this really tough scenario that you've been through in the park and it's almost like Santa Claus has arrived at your doorstep with a with a Budweiser. Like you shall know be rewarded for your decision to want to stay alive.

It felt like it was it was supposed to happen, even though it might not have. I'm not sure but it almost felt like he had something that I told him that I needed help. He lived he lived the bucking berry I was back when people Atelier this time. So it's like, you know, it's a good 2030 minute drive. It's odd. It's an odd decision to come up with a case of ball on a Tuesday night. We both got work the next day. I see. Think I think was it the next day I quit my job might have been. It might have been. Yeah. And then I started Hong Kong my first that's when I went into the recruitment app business. And I remember getting informed it off an angel investor about I think I got the agreement about a week later, which was marked.

It seems like a lot of great things had come immediately after, you know the situation in the park. And it made me think about the power of absolute true true friends. I know a big reason of you wanting to talk about this story and you wanted to share this one I said to you before on the show, you want to share this, because you wanted to help people who might be struggling right now who might be where you were 10 years ago in 2013. In that park with that rope? What would you say to people who are having those kinds of suicidal thoughts. I've had suicidal thoughts before and it's, you know, and thankfully come out the other end, but it's, it's required a lot of hard work, you know, counselling and whatnot. But for those people who are listening, who are feeling like, There's nothing good for me out there, maybe they feel like some relationships have broke down, they've made some mistakes. What do you say to those people?

You know, it's a really, it's a really difficult thing for me to tell them what to do, because I can't just tell you to talk because we talked about that before, you might not fucking you know, like nobody ever showing you how to write, I like get that. I can't just tell you to kind of go and get help, because I've been through the system. And if you haven't got any money, and you can't afford private health care, it was a game changer for me when I eventually got the money to be able to do it. It's a fucking game changer. That difference is massive. But if you haven't got the money to do that, you are going to go into a system that is hell, that actually makes mental health conditions worse. And I actually think a system that kills people, because it's that bad and that frustrating. Because what's worse have been feeling shit. Feeling like no one gives a shit as well. Right? And that's what it makes me feel that. So I can't say to the The advice I'd give you is, is look to if you've got one, and I hope you are and I know not everybody else is locked to your support network and the people around you. Right? I was lucky enough to have one or two people, you know, Jack and Barney particularly who were there for me, right? I mean bunnies, like six foot four, Piglet Anzac shovels doesn't necessarily share his feelings and thoughts. But he has always had this ability to make you feel like you're protected. Because he looks like a big bear. I remember my mom die, the everyone else doesn't really know what to say. So they say this to say the wrong things, or they try and talk to you too much. Or they say they probably didn't do that by by just came in, he'd already lost his mom a couple of years previous. And I think he just, he just hugged me. That was enough that I've seen him. I knew he could the biggest thing for me as a mom was I knew he was there. And I think, actually, rather than give people advice, he was struggling with it. Because I'm not sure you can give any advice. That's right. I don't, I don't think there's a right channel for anybody. Some people don't have the money. Some people don't have a support network. And it's and some people don't know how to talk, right. And so it's really difficult to guide people. What I will say is to the people listening to this, who even know someone who's going through some shit, right? Or suspect that someone's going through some shit. Actually, you've got more of a job, right? It's your job. And I'm not talking you have to go out there and force them to talk it listen, this is what we're all learning. This is fucking baby steps. But what I will say is gone, fucking be there for them, but just be there. That's the biggest thing is to be there. The worst thing I think for people going through that is for them to feel alone. And I felt very alone in that flat. And I think that contributed massively to me going finally decided to do that.

As I mentioned earlier, it's a sad fact that the biggest killer of men under 50 is suicide in the UK. And at this juncture, it's important for me to say that if you or anyone you know is experiencing thoughts to do with harming yourself, please contact Samaritans, you can call them on 116123. That's 116123 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. And not just yourself. But if you've noticed other people in your life drop off or avoid contact, check in with them. Just like Dan's friend Jack did. You never know, you might just save someone's life. This episode with Dan reminded me of another powerful episode we did with Mike McCarthy, when the podcast was called our voices. He talked about his son Ross, who took his own life. He's doing great work to help support people who are feeling suicidal, as well as helping to support families of people who've had someone take their own life. And it's called the baton of hope. Have a listen to that episode we did with Mike. And the link is in the show notes. We'll also put a link to the button of hope in there as well. I just want to take this moment to thank Dan for sharing the story that he did. As powerful as it was. Since recording this. We've done a lot of what he says is stuck with me. And it's instilled a sense of appreciation and gratitude for my life and the people around me. And hope that anyone like myself listening to this episode, who has experienced thoughts around suicide or self harm, can also take a moment to see the good in the world and decide against leaving it before their time is naturally up. Dan successful advertising business is called the middle finger club and I love the name and it puts the middle finger up to ship marketing as Dan would say, seems like quite an apt name for the kind of personality that Dan is, as he's also stuck his middle finger up to the demons and difficulties he's faced in the past. And I'm so glad he has