Speaker: 00:00:00

The power of a human being is that we can

take whatever happens to us and change

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our perception of it.

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Each time I present the

Breakthrough Experience,

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very commonly I have attendees want

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to tell stories about their

childhood, challenges that they had,

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sometimes people will say that, you

know, I was not wanted, or I was,

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they wished I was a boy or a girl, the

opposite sex or maybe some different sex.

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Sometimes they think, well,

my mom was not there for me,

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or my dad wasn't there for me, or there

was aggressive or too passive or didn't,

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they ignored me or didn't want to

put any attention to me. I mean,

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people come up with all kinds of

reasons why they thought that they were

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having an imperfect childhood.

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So today I'd like to unveil maybe

the perfection inside your imperfect

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childhood and discuss that.

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Because I see that in almost every week

when people come to the Breakthrough

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Experience, they start out that way,

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and then we go through which

I call the Demartini Method,

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and we ask a new set of questions and

make them aware of things that they hadn't

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been aware of. And at the end they have

tears of gratitude for what happened.

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So I'm going to make a statement

here that might shock some

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people initially.

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But everything that

goes on in your life is

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perceived through your filter.

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So if you have an expectation that

people are always supposed to be nice and

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never mean, when they're mean, you're

going to think that you're abused.

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Or if you have an expectation that

people are supposed to listen to you and

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you're supposed to be important, if

they're not, they're ignoring you,

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you're going to feel ignored. So, your

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expectations have a lot to do with

what you project onto your reality.

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And I'm of the opinion that

whatever's happening in your life,

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it can be perceived in the way and

you can become a victim of history,

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or on the way, and become a master

of destiny. And I've been doing,

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helping people transform their

perceptions for decades and

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I'm certain,

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I've yet to see something that people

have been through in their childhood that

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they can't turn into an

opportunity and be thankful for.

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Anything you can't say

thank you for is baggage.

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Anything you can say

thank you for is fuel.

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I had a boy who was abandoned

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in his mind from a foster family.

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And before that he was an orphan

and his parents both died.

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So he grew up thinking that he

was, you know, rejected, unwanted,

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et cetera.

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And so he had been going to various

therapists and specialists and

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foster family trainings and things,

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but most of his life until

21 was the idea that 'I was

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an unwanted child.' And that

was the story he was running.

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And people like to share their

story that way, their victim story,

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because they somehow get sympathy

and attention sometimes from it.

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So I was asked to work with this boy and

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I said, so your parents died,

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you were put into an orphanage and then

you got into a foster care and you got

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rejected by the first family and you

got into the second family. Yeah,

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I've been unwanted all my life. That's

the story he ran. And I said, okay,

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maybe, but do you know how to use the

internet? He goes, yeah. You have a phone?

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Yeah. Let's go online.

And I said, pardon me?

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I said,

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go to and look up famous

celebrities that started

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out as orphans or foster care.

And we started looking things up,

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started looking at famous

names, Sir Isaac Newton,

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his father died when he was born,

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his mother then left him for

a while trying to find a man,

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left him with a guy that had an

apothecary kind of place. And

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I made a list and I showed him a list

of famous people that did extraordinary

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things on the planet. And there

were hundreds of these names.

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It wasn't just a couple, it was hundreds,

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famous people that started out as

orphans or abandoned or, you know,

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fostered or whatever. And

when he saw that list,

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I said, these are all the most impactful

and powerful people on the planet.

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They made a difference in the world.

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You come from the same

source as these people.

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And he looked at that and his, he framed

his mind differently. And he says,

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so what you're saying is that I

have a special background? I said,

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you have the background of these

individuals that went on to do something

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extraordinary. Are you

sure this isn't a gift?

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Instead of a blaming setback?

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And so we can take,

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the power of a human being is that we can

take whatever happens to us and change

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our perception of it. William James,

the father of modern psychology,

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says that the greatest discovery of

his generation is that human beings can

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alter their lives by altering their

perceptions and attitudes and mind.

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Now I've been doing in the Breakthrough

Experience for decades now,

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taking people who've been through whatever

they imagine is terrible and finding

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out how it served them. They

never asked that question.

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They just assumed with the moral

hypocrisies that that event

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was terrible.

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And they never stopped to look at what

might have been the blessing that came

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out of it, or how they could

initiate incredible things.

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So when I, all of a sudden I ask them to

go and look for the benefits, they go,

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well, I don't see any. I said, look,

again. I can't think of any. Look again,

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because you stopped looking, because

there's always two sides to it.

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And people will argue and say, well,

what about this? And I go, yep, that too.

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What's the benefit of that?

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And all of a sudden people discover some

upsides to it, creativity's out of it,

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they develop skills out of it,

new angles, new perceptions,

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new drives. I mean,

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I'm amazed at what some people will

uncover if they ask the question,

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how is whatever's happening

on the way, not in the way?

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How's it helping you do what's

most important to you in your life?

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How's it helping you do something

extraordinary? And if we ask,

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see the quality of our life's based

on the quality of the questions,

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if we ask questions that way, we will see

that what we thought was imperfection,

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will have a hidden order to it and

a magnificence to it if we look.

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The difference between disorder and

order is missing information is called

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disorder. And when you discover

that information, it's order.

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So by taking the time to find out

the other side of the equation

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and to balance the equation,

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liberates us from the

story of the imperfection.

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I had a lady who was in Florida,

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and she had again been

abandoned in her mind

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and she felt rejected and

she went to a foster parent.

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When they did, the foster parents

were busy, but they cared about her.

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But she perceived that she

missed out on a mother.

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That her mother abandoned her.

And that's the story she ran.

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She felt that she was

unworthy and rejected. Okay.

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So I asked her a simple question.

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Let's make a list of all of the particular

traits you think your mother didn't

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give you because she was

gone and she rejected you.

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Let's write all the things down.

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And she wrote down about a dozen things

that she thought she missed out on,

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the nurturing, the caring, the

guidance and this kind of stuff.

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And then I took each one of those things

she thought she missed. And I said,

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so who provided that particular behavior?

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It's not missing. Nothing's

missing. Where is it? And she goes,

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huh, my mom's sister, my aunt,

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I guess took on some of that. And

my grandmother took some of it.

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And my best friend's mother took

some of it as I got a little older.

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And then one of my teachers

took on of it. And I said,

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so is the quantity that you would've,

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you thought you would've

gotten from your mother,

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that you thought you missed out on,

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can you see these other people

took on that trait? Yes, I do.

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I said, can you see that you didn't

lose it, you didn't miss out on it,

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it was just in a diversified form,

it was not one, it was many people,

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but you had all the things you

wanted from your mom? She goes, yes,

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I never saw that.

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So if you take the thing you think you

missed out on and find out who provided

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it and hold yourself accountable to look,

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and I've been doing that for decades

now, I assure you nothing's missing.

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It's in a form that you just didn't honor

because you had a fantasy about how it

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was supposed to be, and you're

not honoring the way it is.

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And whenever you compare your

current reality to a fantasy,

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you won't appreciate your reality.

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So I went through all of those 12 items

that she thought she missed out on,

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and we accounted for every one of them

until it was a hundred percent accounted

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until she believed that the quantity

was equal to what she expected from her

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mom. And that was eyeopening

because she realized,

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so what you're saying is that I didn't

really miss out on that. I said, no,

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nothing was missing. Missing

information is called disorder.

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And when you see the information, you

realize there was a hidden order to it.

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And then I said, so you are assuming

that if your mom had given it to you,

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it would've been better. But if

your mom had given it to you,

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what would've been the drawback?

And she just froze. She said, well,

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there wouldn't be any drawback if my mom

had given it to me. I said, no, no, no.

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Everybody thinks it's a greener

pasture on the other side.

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I have people that come to

the Breakthrough Experience

and they say, well,

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my mother smothered me. And

then other people that think,

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my mother was never there for me.

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And each one thought the other one

had a better deal. And they don't,

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because each of them have

both positives and negatives,

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things you like and dislike.

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But if you have a fantasy that the

other would've been all positive,

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then you will not appreciate your current

reality because you're comparing it to

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a fantasy. So what would be the

downside if your mom had been there?

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And when she did that,

she froze and she froze,

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and she all of a sudden got teary eyed.

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And she goes and shook a

bit. And I said, what is it?

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And she said something my aunt

said to me when I was really young,

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I just remembered it. I

said, what is it? She goes,

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my aunt said that the reason

why my mom wasn't there,

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I didn't believe it and didn't make sense

and didn't want to believe it at the

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time, but she said,

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the reason why your mom wasn't there

is because she left you in a tub

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with really hot water and got,

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she had bipolar condition,

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and she left me in a tub and I almost

drowned to death and burned to death in

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the boiling water, the hot water.

And the mother said to her sister,

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I am not capable of raising

this beautiful child.

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It's not fair to her to have me.

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And all of a sudden her anger towards

her mother shifted and she realized

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her mother cared and loved her

and made sure she got what she was

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wanting for her through other people

who were more competent because she felt

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that she's unreliable and could

leave her child unprotected.

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So she didn't leave because of

rejection. She left because she cared.

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And when she got that she

cried and she goes, oh my God,

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I can't believe that I just completely

ignored that and ran the scenario

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and story so I could be the victim

and then get sympathy from people.

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But when I stop and think about it, my

mom really cared and was there for me

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and she gave me an opportunity. I said,

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what's the benefit of these other

women taking these roles? And she said,

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I learned a different language.

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I got opportunities in education

I wouldn't have gotten.

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And the foster parents did

extraordinary things for me,

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even though I punished them,

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they gave me opportunities I would

never have gotten by my mother,

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there's no way, she was not,

she didn't have the income,

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she didn't have the lifestyle.

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I can't believe that I fabricated

this fantasy about my mom.

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The real truth is she would not have been

able to provide some of these things.

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And she made sure that she gave me

a better deal. And in that moment,

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the perception of her childhood shifted.

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From unwanted to I'm special.

From, I'm not worthy,

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to I have something special to do,

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and I want to make sure my mom's

effort wasn't gone in waste.

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And she shifted that day and started

to put focus on doing something

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extraordinary. Now, during the time

she felt unwanted and not worthy,

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she didn't believe that

she deserved a great guy.

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So she was hanging out with guys

that would take advantage of her.

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And she was in low

socioeconomic positions.

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Her perception of herself was compared

to a fantasy she was holding onto.

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And she created partly a fabricated story.

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And here's something that she made and

then she realized that if you ask a

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different set of questions

and become cognizant,

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you'll see things from

a different perspective.

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I saw that same thing in a boy in

Australia who was supposedly abandoned.

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But it turned out that his mother came

from Mumbai and lived in a slum and

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she believed that he deserved a better

life than what they could offer.

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And his life changed at age 21,

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changed his life also just like this

lady. So it's not what happens to you,

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it's your perception,

decisions and actions from it.

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And you can take anything that's ever

happened to you and you can find the

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upsides to it. I do it every

week working with people.

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And every time I do the Breakthrough

Experience, every single time I do it,

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I'm helping people transform the

story that they've run in their life,

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the childhood victim

story, into a victor story.

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And to find out how whatever's

happened is on the way, not in the way.

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And a lot of people will run that story

because it's been convenient. They,

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they, they've leveraged it

with unconscious motives

to hold onto the story,

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instead of actually going and transforming

it into an opportunity and doing

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something extraordinary with their

life. We all want to make a difference.

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And some people think they're going to

make a difference by getting sympathy and

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play small and use that as their excuse.

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But I assure you that's not where the

most empowered self-worth comes from.

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It's from doing something that makes

a difference in people's lives.

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If you ask people, when have you had

the most fulfilling moments in life,

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it's usually when you're doing something

that's a service that contributes to

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somebody else's life that's meaningful

to someone. And they say thank you.

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And there's been a

sustainable fair exchange.

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So I've seen people who have been beaten.

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I had a gentleman who was in Los Angeles,

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really shut down guy.

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And he was basically not really

wanting to interact with people,

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but he attended the program.

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Somebody told him to come to my

Breakthrough Experience program.

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And what was interesting is he was just

very quiet and he really didn't want to

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participate, he just sat

and wanted to spectate.

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And so I kind of got in his face

in a bit and I said, all right,

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so who are you having a big resentment to?

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Because we had one of the exercise was

to identify who you resent the most and

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show you how to dissolve that so you're

living beyond so-called forgiveness,

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but to actually be

thankful. He says, well,

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my father was absolutely violent.

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He used to hit me with baseball bats

and I used to have to hide under the bed

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and surround myself with

pillows because he beat me.

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Because when my mom died, he expected

me to do everything that the mother did,

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cook and clean and chop

and everything else.

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And I had to cook for him and clean

the house and everything else.

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And I started that when I was four.

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And if I didn't do everything I was told

I was beaten with a baseball bat or hit

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and slugged. And I said, great,

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okay so let's say that's

happened, I'm not negating that,

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but let's find out how it served you.

Well, there's no service to that.

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How can you say that, he's

cruel, he's mean, he's this.

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And he wanted to label this guy. And I

said, and I spent quite a bit of time,

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well some of my facilitators who had been

trained in my work also tried to help

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this guy, but he really

wanted to hold onto his story.

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And then I asked him something that

was, I can't say it was, you know,

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well thought out, genius idea, it

just happened to come to me. I said,

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so what do you do for

a living? And he said,

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I am an animator for Disney,

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I make all of the children's

animations for all the movies.

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And I just got this intuitive

chill in my spine and I said, Hmm.

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So just outta curiosity,

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when you were sitting under your bunk

bed in order to dissociate from the

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so-called trauma and the challenge

that your father gave you,

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did you use a creative imagination

and did you create another world?

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And he looked at me and he stared and he

said, it's exactly where it came from.

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And I said, did you thank

your father? And he goes,

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no. I said,

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is that one of the most meaningful

things you do to make a difference in

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children's lives? He said,

that's what I live for. I said,

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did you ever thank your father because

you would not have had the creative

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talent and skill if it hadn't have been

for being under the bed and used your

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creative mind as a survival

strategy? He saw that and he said,

285

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I never saw the connection. Wow. I said,

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you sure that this wasn't on the way

for your mission in life? I mean,

287

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why not see it that way? And

he closed his eyes and I said,

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what do you want to tell your

father? And he says, I had no idea.

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I said,

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I had no idea you were preparing me

for what I absolutely love to do today.

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I'm one of the most successful

animators in the world because of you.

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And he opened his heart and saw the

perfection. Then I asked him a question.

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At the moment your father was beating

you, who was overprotecting you?

294

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And he said, nobody. I said, they

don't have to be in the room,

295

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but who's trying to protect

you? And he goes, oh wow.

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There's a lady next door who knew

what was happening in our house,

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and she was frightened of my dad.

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But she would always come

when dad would leave,

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she'd come over and help us clean up

the house or clean up the place and help

300

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cook and stuff. And she didn't

want me to ever tell him that.

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But she helped out. She was the over

protector and trying to keep me safe.

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I said,

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whenever you have an over protector and

trying to keep you safe and keep you an

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innocent little child,

305

00:18:54,945 --> 00:18:58,125

you usually get somebody that kicks

your butt to make you grow up,

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because you must have,

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and maximum growth and development

occurs at the border of support and

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challenge. And if you get overprotection,

you get aggression, you get over,

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you know, support, you get challenge,

you get over ease, you get difficulty.

310

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Whatever you seek that makes

you juveniley dependent,

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that become dependent on you attract

the opposite to make sure you grow.

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So your father did everything he could

to make you an entrepreneur and to grow

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and to do something

independent. And he says, well,

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I did become independent young and

I did go on my own. I said, exactly.

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He said, I've never perceived my father

in the light that I have just seen now.

316

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I've always seen him as a monster.

I've always wanted to just, you know,

317

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spit on him almost.

318

00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:43,905

But right now I just want to give him a

hug and tell him thank you, I love you.

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Now, this is my observation,

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deep inside almost every

child is a part that

321

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wants to love the parents.

322

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And deep inside of the parents is a

part that wants to love the child.

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But sometimes we don't know the skills

or we don't know how to communicate and

324

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we get self-righteous with our amygdala,

325

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and expect others to live in our values,

326

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and we have unrealistic expectations

and we don't know how to communicate

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effectively, so we go to gesture. And

if we don't get gesture of doing it,

328

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we eventually get to aggression and

we end up doing outrageous things with

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people, because we

haven't governed ourself.

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And that's primarily because we haven't

asked the questions to see the hidden

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order in the apparent

chaos. And once we do,

332

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we realize that the

childhood we had was not an

333

00:20:27,676 --> 00:20:28,509

imperfection,

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but it was actually giving us the exact

ingredients needed to do something

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extraordinary with our life.

336

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I had a girl that was having sex

with her father for many, many years.

337

00:20:39,575 --> 00:20:41,915

And I said, well, what was the

benefits of that? And she goes, well,

338

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there's no benefits of that. And I said,

well, what were the benefits of that?

339

00:20:45,225 --> 00:20:49,005

And she said, well, I realized

I had control over men. I said,

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how have you used that? Well, I have

gotten places as a result of that. Great.

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And what do you do for a living today?

And she says, well, I'm a nurse. I said,

342

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you have control over men? And she said,

that's most of my patients, <laugh>.

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I said, we started to look at

some of the other sides. Now,

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am I saying that these behaviors are

good? No. I'm just saying they're events.

345

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And sometimes people get trapped in

these moral boxes about this is good and

346

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bad. And then anything they label

good, they fear the loss of,

347

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anything they label bad, they fear

the gain of, and they're trapped.

348

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And it's almost like a survival mentality.

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Instead of seeing that there's two sides

to every event in life and everything

350

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has a place. If it didn't have a place

on the evolution of human beings,

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it would've gone extinct. So it must

serve a purpose. The question is is,

352

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what's the purpose?

353

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Just because the average psychologist

or philosopher or thinker hasn't figured

354

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it out, doesn't mean it

doesn't have an upside to it,

355

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because I've helped people find the

upside. And when they find the upside,

356

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they all of a sudden liberated from

that experience and they realize that

357

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there's two sides to every event in their

life and they can transform their life

358

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the moment they have that realization.

359

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So all I can say is that if we take

the time to equilibrate our mind and

360

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ask the questions to

help us see both sides,

361

00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:07,685

we don't have to be victims of

history, we can be masters of destiny.

362

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So right this minute,

363

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if you stop and look at the things you

thought were terrible in your life,

364

00:22:13,585 --> 00:22:16,405

if you look carefully enough, you

can find out how it served you.

365

00:22:16,705 --> 00:22:21,205

It either developed a skill or it helped

you strengthen something or helped you

366

00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:23,925

in some way. If you don't see it, well,

367

00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:28,244

you'll run the story and stay in a victim

of your history and store it in your

368

00:22:28,245 --> 00:22:31,805

subconscious mind and you'll be frightened

of things that associate with it and

369

00:22:31,955 --> 00:22:33,285

looking for its opposite.

370

00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:37,285

You'll be extrinsically run by events

that you've chosen to see only one side

371

00:22:37,445 --> 00:22:41,205

to. But if you take the time to see

both sides and balance the equation,

372

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you set yourself free. And then

you're not run from external stimuli,

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you're run from within.

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And then the voice and the vision on the

inside is louder than the perceptions

375

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on the outside. So I just want

to say on the message today,

376

00:22:56,115 --> 00:23:00,045

unveiling the perfection of the

so-called imperfect childhood,

377

00:23:00,994 --> 00:23:04,925

that there is maybe more of an order in

your childhood than you ever give credit

378

00:23:04,945 --> 00:23:08,685

to. If you have had difficulty finding it,

379

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please consider coming to

the Breakthrough Experience.

380

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I love helping people find it.

381

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I love helping people unveil what that is.

382

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Liberate themselves from the

illusion that they may keep storing,

383

00:23:22,994 --> 00:23:27,925

unnecessarily. And if you want to run

the story and stay the victim, well okay,

384

00:23:27,926 --> 00:23:31,525

that's fine. You have a choice to

do that in life. But deep inside,

385

00:23:32,395 --> 00:23:36,605

deep inside, you want out. And

deep inside there's a way out.

386

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And that is the questions you ask.

387

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And I've been working for

years at accumulating the

questions on how to do that.

388

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So if you'd love to come and join

me at the Breakthrough Experience,

389

00:23:46,265 --> 00:23:50,765

I'm certain that it can make a

difference. I've taken thousands,

390

00:23:50,845 --> 00:23:55,805

I mean literally 120,000 people through

who've had those type of stories and

391

00:23:56,085 --> 00:23:58,244

had them come out on the other

side looking at it differently.

392

00:23:58,665 --> 00:24:02,285

People that they've never been able to

hug and appreciate and finally able to do

393

00:24:02,286 --> 00:24:07,125

it, including themselves. Because

Sometimes the story that you make up,

394

00:24:07,545 --> 00:24:11,045

you feel guilty about because you know

it's not the whole picture intuitively.

395

00:24:11,744 --> 00:24:15,565

And you would like to set yourself

free. Come join me. I assure you,

396

00:24:16,005 --> 00:24:16,965

the Demartini Method,

397

00:24:16,966 --> 00:24:21,244

the method I've developed over the years

to ask questions to help you see things

398

00:24:21,305 --> 00:24:24,085

you don't see, become conscious

of what you're not conscious of,

399

00:24:24,086 --> 00:24:28,244

to make you fully conscious,

which is intuitively empowering,

400

00:24:29,205 --> 00:24:32,725

I know works. I've seen it. I

have too many people who use it.

401

00:24:32,726 --> 00:24:35,805

And there's thousands of people that

I've trained are using it in thousands of

402

00:24:35,806 --> 00:24:36,639

other people's cases.

403

00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:41,405

So if you would love to go and

liberate yourself and change the story

404

00:24:42,234 --> 00:24:45,244

from an unwanted child,

or a rejected child,

405

00:24:45,305 --> 00:24:49,244

or a beaten child or abused child,

or whatever it is, the wounded child,

406

00:24:50,025 --> 00:24:53,525

if you want to go and dissolve that,

come to the Breakthrough Experience.

407

00:24:53,815 --> 00:24:58,005

Years and years ago I

was doing a show with a

408

00:24:58,526 --> 00:25:02,405

gentleman that had started

the wounded child, the,

409

00:25:04,595 --> 00:25:09,005

what do you call it? The

dysfunctional family, John Bradshaw.

410

00:25:09,545 --> 00:25:13,205

And he was promoting that while he

was still playing the victim of his

411

00:25:13,206 --> 00:25:13,865

childhood.

412

00:25:13,865 --> 00:25:17,845

He later turned out doing some of

the same things his father had done,

413

00:25:18,055 --> 00:25:21,725

which humbled him. And then he started

to realize why his father did that.

414

00:25:21,726 --> 00:25:23,525

And he finally made

peace with his parents.

415

00:25:24,505 --> 00:25:27,565

And I remember we did a

show together and he says,

416

00:25:27,645 --> 00:25:31,205

I can't believe what I used to teach

years ago that everybody's holding onto

417

00:25:31,255 --> 00:25:35,045

about the wounded child, It was my own

wounds, and now I don't have that wound,

418

00:25:35,055 --> 00:25:39,445

and now I see the magnificence of what

happened and I'm trying to help people

419

00:25:39,465 --> 00:25:42,085

see the other side now. I said,

well, that's what I'm doing.

420

00:25:42,145 --> 00:25:45,244

I'm trying to help people see the other

side of the equation and balance the

421

00:25:45,445 --> 00:25:47,925

equation. He said, yeah, I

couldn't see it. I wanted to play.

422

00:25:48,025 --> 00:25:52,285

And then I got a bunch of attention and

I got notoriety for playing the victim,

423

00:25:52,525 --> 00:25:53,525

because everybody wanted to play a victim.

424

00:25:53,984 --> 00:25:57,005

But I realized I didn't really

help people staying stuck.

425

00:25:57,165 --> 00:25:58,725

I help people by liberating them.

426

00:25:59,385 --> 00:26:03,285

And I was inspired to hear that because

he had promoted people into the victim

427

00:26:03,286 --> 00:26:07,845

world and then turned around later in his

life, he realized it wasn't the power.

428

00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:09,005

It's not where the power is.

429

00:26:09,585 --> 00:26:14,365

So if you'd like to unveil the

perfection of the so-called imperfect

430

00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:16,765

childhood, please consider coming

to the Breakthrough Experience.

431

00:26:18,005 --> 00:26:22,205

I know the questions that you will

be asking yourself and answering with

432

00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:24,005

accountability, because

I'll help you do that,

433

00:26:24,595 --> 00:26:29,484

will be liberating and tear-jerking,

but not tears of sorrow,

434

00:26:30,484 --> 00:26:33,565

will turn them into tears of gratitude

for the order that's there in your life.

435

00:26:33,865 --> 00:26:37,085

And then you'll realize that it's

all on the way, not in the way.