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So last week, Kyle had his eye thing

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that was like over two weeks. My kid got a bug bite on her face

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that got infected. And it was like half of her face and she looked like

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half a chipmunk. My mom came home from her trip and basically

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almost immediately went to the emergency room. Cause she was sick as a dog.

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And then I left the emergency room after they transferred her to another

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hospital and was back less than 12 hours later

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with Nessie. That was another experience altogether.

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And then my mom's been in the hospital the whole time. Ness was out of

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work for five days for

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just basically being a woman. Bullshit like that. She came back to

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work yesterday. Last night her grandmother fell. She lives with her

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grandmother, broke her leg, which is the other leg from the one

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she broke a year or two ago. Oh, and my kids are in camp this

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week. My kids who do not leave my house, they leave my house. But like,

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only with us, who have never been away from us, literally ever

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unsupervised. Unless it's by like Kyle's mom or

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Vanessa. That's it. They're in camp this week. So not only am I like running

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back and forth to the hospital, which is 30 minutes away, I also

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have to have my kids to camp by 8am, which is not a problem.

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And then somebody has to pick them up at 3:30 every day. So this is

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three. Three things I have to do every

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day. Three things that I have to like, keep in my brain that

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I have to find time to do every day. And if I have one thing,

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I'm useless the whole day. So poor Vanessa last

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night texted me and was like, my grandmother fell. And I did the appropriate thing.

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I did the right thing. And I was like, oh, no, that's not good. What

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does she need? And she told me. And then after that I was like,

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but she's at the hospital. And she's like, yeah, the ambulance is coming to get

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her. And I was like, cool. Your family's there? Yeah, everybody's here. You guys have

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everything you need? Yeah. Cool. Turn off. Brain is full.

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No space. We have no space. And then this morning, Kyle was like, have you

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heard from Vanessa? And I was like, maybe. She probably texted me. He was

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like, did you want to check? And I was like, maybe. And then he took

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over from there because he was like, you're not going to process any of this

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information, are you? And I was like, nope, nope, Nothing. Nope.

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So both fortunately and unfortunately, I say fortunately, not that I want my

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mother to be in the hospital, but fortunately, in that this is where she needs

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to. To be right now. She's sick. I'm glad that we were able to get

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her into the right place to get well.

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Obviously, nobody wants to be in the hospital, but it's definitely where she needs to

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be right now. So, unfortunately, she is sick.

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Fortunately, she has access to good medical care and is in a hospital

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where they are taking great care of her. Whenever she gets sick, she gets

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admitted to the transplant unit at

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the hospital where she had her transplant

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done. Not that she is currently having any trouble with

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that organ. It's actually Knockwood doing really

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well. But once you've had a transplant, they treat everything

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as secondary to the transplant. So she got

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admitted to transplant unit, and she's been there,

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I don't know, a couple days now, maybe four. Four days. You're supposed

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to lose track of time and space when you're in the hospital.

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I, however, am not in the hospital and have no sense

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of time and space. She's been there sometime between, like, three days and a

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year, let's put it that way. It's somewhere in there. I'm not entirely sure where.

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I went up to see her the other day, and she has this nasty cough.

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And so, like, I feel bad making her talk.

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And so I, like, find things to do while I'm there. I

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just, like, scroll my phone or, I don't know, tidy up things around her

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room. Because it really is just very difficult for her to talk.

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She got a little frustrated with me the other day. Cause she's like, you come

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up here and you don't even talk to me. And I'm like, talk. And she

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started coughing, and I was like,

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you see what. You see that? Do you see that? Sometimes I know what I'm

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doing also. I don't want to talk to anybody anyway.

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Especially when you're on a transplant unit, they have nurses that come in all the

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time. They have all sorts of people who come in and check a bunch of

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things. They check your weight constantly because they're worried about fluid retention,

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whatever. And so the nurse comes in and

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she needed more labs done. And my mom

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has just horrifically bad veins, horrible

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veins. And she only has one arm that you can pull labs out of, because

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the other arm has, I think, has her dialysis port

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in it. And she doesn't use it anymore. But you can't pull

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labs from it anymore. Or you can't pull labs from that arm because there's no

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access. It's just like a whole thing. Every time she has to get blood drawn

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It's a whole ass thing. So this nurse comes in, though,

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and she's doing all of the things that she has to do, which is so

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many things. And she says to my mom,

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somebody told me that you were a phlebotomist. And my mom's like,

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well, yeah. And to be clear, she was a phlebotomist

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50 years ago. Approximately. Pretty close to 50 years

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ago. She has not worked as a phlebotomist, at least during my

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entire life and probably for 10 years before

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that. 50 years. That's terrifying. But 50 fucking

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years. She looks at her and says, somebody told me that you were a

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phlebotomist. And my mom says, yeah. And she goes,

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I'm really bad with tricky veins. Can you show

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me? She's like, can you talk me through? Because I also know you pretty bad

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veins. And she's. It's just. I'm just not very good at it. Can

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you show me? And my mom was like, yeah, I can show you. She's like,

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do you want me to draw it on myself? And she goes, no, I want

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to do it, but just, like, talk me through it. So my mom

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goes, okay, I can do that. And so she walks over to my mom,

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doesn't give her any of the materials, but she's like, I'm just going to pretend

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like I don't know what I'm doing, and I want you to tell me exactly

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where to start and, like, how to find the vein, how to identify it before

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sticking, and then what I do after. My mom walked her through the whole thing

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took probably 15 minutes of just, like, talking. My mom was, like,

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super engaged the whole time. My mom is sharp, but very

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clearly feels sick, and so she's foggier than she normally is. I just want to

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be clear about something. This woman probably takes labs 20

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times a day. She does not need help from my mother.

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She did not need help from my mother at all. She

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knows how to take labs. She knows how to draw them. She is

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fine with tricky veins. When you have trouble finding the vein,

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you call the rn, because the RN knows how to do it. The

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RN is good at it. I think my mom was, like, just sick

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enough that she didn't realize what was happening, which

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is that this woman was just trying to get her

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engaged and make sure that her brain was still working and that she was able

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to show her how to do something. And I just sat there the

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whole time, just, like, marveling. Who thinks of that? Who

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thinks of. I'm gonna have this woman teach Me

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how to do something that is so far ingrained in her

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brain wrinkles just to get her brain working, just so that she

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has some sort of stimulation so she's not staring at the TV

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for 23 hours a day between naps so that

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she's engaged and feels just a tiny bit better

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about this whole shit ass situation. After

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she was done, she, like, made eye contact with me. And she didn't really

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wink, but she, like, might as well have winked. And I was like, I see

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you. I see you. All that to say we do not

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deserve nurses. We do not deserve nurses. Who

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thinks of that? Who is like, I'm gonna

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have this woman teach me how to do something I've done

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27 times today because it will make her day the

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tiniest bit better because it will make her feel competent and

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capable. And like, there is something on the other side of

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this very long hospitalization. Who thinks of that? Who

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thinks of that? We do not deserve nurses. We need

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7,000 people who are more like nurses

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and more. Probably more like 7 million people. Not 7,000, maybe even

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7 billion. A lot of people. A lot of people who are that cool. We

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need more people who are that cool. I can't do dates. I can't do numbers.

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I can't do time. Can't do any of it right now. But I know we

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need more do that. But, yeah, we do not deserve

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nurses. Do you ever, like, forget what it's like to be around normal people

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and then say something that either makes sense to you or that you

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think is objectively funny? And forget that

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this person does not probably understand your sense of

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humor at baseline, and then it comes out of your mouth and you're like,

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oops, probably shouldn't have let that one out into the world

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without qualification. That's a blast.

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And like, you guys know I don't like the term normal

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because I don't think normal exists, but there is kind of like a

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baseline for things that are socially acceptable to say, and this is

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probably not any of them. I had a moment yesterday where

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my mom's nephrologist called me,

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and it's not her normal nephrologist. It's her hospitalist nephrologist, because she's in the

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hospital right now. So he called me to talk about her kidney things, because anytime

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she's hospitalized, the first thing we have to worry about is the kidney, because she

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went and got this extra kidney a couple years ago, and it's like a big

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thing that we have to worry about anyway. So it's like a whole ass thing.

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And so he called me to basically give me the update. Cuz it's just, it's

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impossible to be at the hospital enough to catch all of the doctors. She, she

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has so many doctors right now. She has a

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nephrologist, she has a pulmonologist, she has an infectious disease doctor,

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she has an endocrinologist, she has a cardiologist.

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She's like just a hospitalist, which is internal medicine. There's just so many freaking doctors

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and it's impossible to catch all of them. I said to the nurse, like when

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doctors come through, they need to call me because she's not a

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reliable historian and I want to

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make sure they're doing shit correctly. And I also need to threaten them

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personally. And by threaten them I mean if you don't figure

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out what's going on, I'm not bringing her home, which is a personal threat.

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They take it as a threat, let's put it that way. I don't actually threaten

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them. I would never actually threaten a doctor, but however, I would threaten them

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with having to take my mother home with them. And they would be like, oh

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God, no. So he calls me and he's like, hey, hey,

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just wanna let you know, her kidney studies are fine.

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Creatinine looks good. Everything seems to be working right. We're working a

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little bit on her anti rejection meds. Cause I think from being sick they

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got a little wonky. But he's like, everything looks fine. And me

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being me replied to him, oh, so kidney Poitier

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is fine. The pause, it was the pregnantest

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of pauses as he processed what I just

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said, said to him. And he goes, did you just call her

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transplanted kidney? And I said, yep, yeah, I did.

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I did that. Yeah. I'm just gonna, I'll be over, I'll be over here

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if you need. I'm just gonna. That came out of my mouth. Yeah. And to

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be fair, when she got called, then they said they had a

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kidney for her and she was rushing into the hospital, it was like mid Covid.

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So I didn't go with her and I was just like, okay, tell kidney

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Poitier that he better get his shit together. And since then, that has been the

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kidney's name. It is what we call it. She got an

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extra kidney and we named it because of course, you name it. I

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forgot that this is like a professional person who

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probably does his best to keep a straight face most of the

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time when he's working and talking about very serious

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things and I just flew out of my mouth,

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as if he knew the context. I guess he technically

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does know the context because he

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knows that she got herself a new kidney. So after he

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processed what I said and my response to it, he did start laughing, and

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I felt better. I was just like, man, the pipe between my brain

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and my mouth seems to be closed. Maybe it's

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not closed. Maybe it's open. There's a filter that's supposed to be there that has

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gotten knocked off or something because it just flew right out.

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No context. Didn't tell him that's what we call it.

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Just addressed her extra kidney

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as Kidney Poitier to a complete stranger who took

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it like a champ. So anyway, have you ever done that?

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Have you ever just, like, said something in front of somebody who had

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no context, forgetting that it was gonna sound

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unhinged, and then realized how unhinged it

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sounded? And if so, welcome to the club, and

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we've been waiting for you. So we have a small talk question

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from Opal in Georgia. Opal asks. My oldest

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friend and I have been close since we were nine years old.

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26 years. And lately, when I hang up after our calls, I

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feel tired instead of full. Like I gave something, but

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nothing came back. She's not a bad person. There's no

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big falling out, no betrayal. We've just become very

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different people. And I think I've been maintaining the friendship out of

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loyalty to who we used to be rather than who we

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actually are. Now I feel an enormous amount of guilt even

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admitting this, like acknowledging it means I'm ungrateful for the history

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or disloyal to a girl who was my whole world at 9 years

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old. How do you let something good fade gracefully? Or

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do you. Is there a way to say something honest without blowing it all up?

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So people evolve beyond each other. And it also doesn't

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mean that not being in the same place now means you're never gonna be in

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the same place again. So I think that's really important to keep in mind,

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is that you're talking past each other now. You're in two different

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places, and you need different things out of a friendship, and that's okay. That's

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the evolution. That's growth. That's all of it. And this person's been in your life

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forever, and that doesn't mean they're not going to be in your life tomorrow, even

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if today is not the right time, or you need them in a different capacity

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that you needed them before. I don't think it needs to be A

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big thing. I think you can just make different choices.

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I think if you're going to cut off contact, which it doesn't sound like you're

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going to, that should be a conversation, because ghosting people is really

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hard. I had that happen to me in a friendship, and it really wrecked me

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for a long time. This was somebody I was, like, inseparably close with. And just

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one day, I think realistically we had grown apart,

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and one day we just were miles apart, and I realized we hadn't

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talked in a long time. And I thought it was just accidental. And then

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it turned out to not at all be accidental. And so don't do that to

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somebody, especially somebody who is

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invested in you and your success and your life and has been a huge part

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of your life. But it's okay to just take some time and space

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and pause and reassess and give yourself an opportunity to

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miss somebody. That's a hard conversation to have because they may not

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understand. Telling somebody that you need space, an

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indefinite or an imprecise amount of space,

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is a weird conversation to have, but you can take it for yourself. If

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they ask, just say, like, things are really busy right now, and I just. I

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don't have a lot to give. And so the level

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that I'm engaging at is where I am right now. And it doesn't mean I

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don't love you. It just means this is where my life is right now. If

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you have the type of relationship where you can have that kind of conversation

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with them and just say, like, it feels like we're in different places and I

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need a little bit of time and space, that's fine, too.

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But I don't think it has to be a production. I also think it's probably

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shorter lived than you realize. And then there's also the part, like, it sounds like

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your friend might be going through something that is making them focused

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on one thing that maybe is not something that you feel attached to

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or feel like you want to be engaged with. And that might be a conversation,

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too. Hey, we're talking about this one thing all the time. I'm

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concerned that it's affecting you in a way that is not the way

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it typically affects you. Is there something going on? Do we. Do you need help?

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Do you need something? But it's also okay to just, like,

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pause and answer less and

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protect your peace. You don't owe anybody an explanation for why you're

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taking space. You can give it to them. They will often

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misunderstand and take it very personally when it Sounds like it's not personal at all.

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It's just what it is. And so protect your

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peace, take your space, give it a short timeline for

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two weeks. I'm really not going to engage too much. Maybe it can coincide with

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something that you have going on that would realistically keep you busy for two weeks.

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That's totally fine. And maybe you find out after those

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two weeks, there's not anything you miss and it was a good

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break and you continue it. I don't know. But you don't owe

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anybody an explanation for why you're choosing to protect your piece, why

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you are choosing to prioritize yourself. And as long as you have done everything

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to make sure that this person is okay, that they have what they need, that

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you're not throwing them to the wolves in a time that they

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clearly have a need and there is a way to meet, it doesn't

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mean that you have to throw yourself to the wolves to fix whatever their problem

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is. But don't leave somebody suffering without

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pointing out or without doing whatever you can reasonably

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to try to help. But beyond that,

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your peace is your own. And if something doesn't feel right, it's not right. And

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you can come back to it in a month or a year

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or 10 years and get right back where you

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started or where you left off. Because that's how a lot of

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friendships work. And that's just okay. That's just the reality of it. You're

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allowed to evolve past people, but you also just need to need a break.

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Oh, I think one week we should have a small talk where the question is,

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like, really super long, and my answer is just no,

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that's it. I think it'd be really funny. I think that'd

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be really funny. You could just be like, should I trust

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RFK Jr. With my medical records? No. Next question.

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You give me so much credit for having any fucking idea what I've

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said previously. Like, I listen to my episodes

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not because I like listening to myself, but because otherwise

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I have no idea what's on them. And people will

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text me and be like, oh, my God, this resource was so

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helpful. And I'm like, did we talk? Was there? I

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don't. What? Your podcast. I have a

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podcast. Oh, is it Wednesday? Oh, that's new and

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different.