Hello, and welcome to another episode of the genius podcast.

My name is Karen Doyle, your host and founder of the genius project and

initiative for Catholic women designed to support Catholic women towards

growth in all areas of their life, spiritual, personal, and professional.

We seek to do these throughout online courses.

The Catholic women's MasterCard.

A live virtual events and the genius podcast.

This week's genius podcast guests is the very beautiful Monique

may from Melbourne Australia.

She is the founder of confident womanhood, and she is going to share a

really powerful story about her journey through some trauma and how the Lord

has bought her to a place of healing and restoration and how this is an ongoing.

In her story, you will find hope and encouragement and you

will also find the permission to be who God created you to be.

And to share your story as a gift to the women that you do life with

before you listened to this podcast, I'd like to mention the Monique issue.

The story of PTSD, that's come from sexual abuse background while

she doesn't focus on this for very long, it is a big part of her story.

And I just want to be aware that this may be a trigger for some women.

So I just wanted to let you know ahead of time.

I really hope and pray that you enjoy this episode.

As I said, it's a very powerful story of the redemption and the

restoration of Jesus Christ.

Sit back, relax and enjoy this week's episode with Monique Monique.

Welcome to the genius podcast.

It's so wonderful to have you with us today.

You're coming to us all the way from Melbourne in Australia.

Yes.

Thank

you for

having me and you just coming out of lockdown down there.

Aren't you a little bit lighter than the rest of Australia.

And you were saying before that it hasn't really affected you

as much as some other people.

Yeah.

Um, I've been quite blessed in that.

Um, because we homeschool, um, my kids haven't really been affected as

much and neither have I, and I'm a homebody, so I like to be at home anyway.

So I haven't really felt like I needed to go out or anything.

So it hasn't been so hard for yeah.

Yeah on stay young, sending like all of the love to everyone come out and

be like, yes, finally, I yet, yeah.

We're looking at such a, such a gift to have you I've been

following you on Instagram.

I think I came across your page last year, started the genius project and

I just love some of the content and your vulnerability and your realness.

The story and just your courage in sharing your story with others.

And so today we're going to share a little bit about your story and go

deeper into, I guess, this experience of trauma that you experienced and then the

diagnosis of PTSD and just that struggle.

In your early twenties to, I guess, incorporate that into your life and

integrate it into who you are and what you're doing today, because

that's really now become a part of your mission to serve women.

And so I'd love to that's where we're going to go in this conversation.

But before we jump into that, we just share a little bit about who

you are and where you're from, what

you do down in Melvin.

Yes.

Sure.

So I am in sunny, Melbourne.

It's a joke about, um, I have two kids, an eight year old and a five-year-old

and I am currently pregnant with our third who's due in a few weeks.

I'm married to my husband, child who is a aged care, um, while he's in aged care.

Um, And yeah, basically homeschooling our kids, our two

kids and originally from Sydney.

So I've had, um, quite an experience in Sydney as well, and, um, decided to move

to Melbourne for different lifestyle.

Um, but yeah, that's basically who I am and where I'm from South

Africa were born in South Africa.

I like to say born because when people say that they're from there, it sort of

implies that that's, you know, uh, the chunk of where I grew up in Australia,

I'm very Australian and, um, yeah, that's sort of, my heritage is South Africa.

Um, you've got that lovely accent.

How old were you when you came to Australia?

I was 13.

Okay.

Was that a big transition for you?

Uh, it was a very hard transition for me to be honest, to come from a completely

different culture and change and sort of, you know, looking like I do and coming

into a predominantly white culture was very difficult or you could really.

I think a challenge me, and it helped me understand the difference in

the world that there are different cultures and different people that look

different and all that sort of stuff.

So it was very interesting to come at 13 when you're sort of

at that stage of critical, critical time of your life.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

Well, and so when did, how old were you when you moved down to Melbourne?

Was that after you got out?

So this is the, this is the.

Um, second time that we've lived, that we've moved to mouth and we

made the decision to move back to Sydney after a few years.

And then we moved back about like just over two years ago.

Um, so yeah, I've been here for just over two years now.

Um, just in terms of the look down.

Yeah.

We came and then, you know, a couple of months.

Yeah.

A couple of months later, we were in locked down and I was like,

oh my gosh, what is like, what?

Come to Melbourne?

The world just went upside down as soon as you can.

Yeah.

But yeah.

You know, the world, everybody was in the same situation.

We didn't really feel too bad.

How

long have you been married to your husband?

We're going on?

We're nine years.

Yeah, nine years married.

So it'll be, yeah, I'll be 10 years next.

Fantastic.

These very exciting.

We had our 20th wedding anniversary.

It's crazy because I remember our 10th and I'm like, where did 10 to 20 go?

It's like, holy moly.

That's just gone in a moment.

I think the first 10 years of.

Slow.

It's like a slow ban

and you're really trying to fit,

trying to figure everything out still in the first 10 years.

And I still feel like we're in that honeymoon phase.

Like we're not quite.

I mean, we've been through a lot of stuff to sort of cram into the first nine years.

I feel like a lot of people don't even touch on the stuff that we've had to

deal with a lot of time, years, but, um, yeah, I think that's why it's

probably gone slower than expected.

Cause we've had to deal with so many obstacles.

Yes.

Yes.

And look, one of those obstacles was, I guess, your diagnosis, wasn't it with

PTSD post-traumatic stress disorder.

And it's interesting because a lot of people think PTSD is

something that the Vietnam veterans got or people that went to war.

And I, I know in my life and my experience working with women, that this is actually

a very common experience for women and men as well, who have been through trauma.

And so you don't actually have to have been through war to have

a diagnosis or experienced PTSD.

And that was your experience.

What age were you, how long ago were you diagnosed?

So, um, I was diagnosed in 2017, I believe.

Um, and it's funny, like I say, I believe because my memory of so much in my past.

Has basically evaporated into thin air.

And I mean, it's not, it hasn't really evaporated.

It's basically my, my mind and myself trying to protect myself, myself from

all of these, mean a lot of stuff out.

But 2017 was the year that I was diagnosed with PTSD.

And the first time I'd ever really heard, you know, Acronym.

Okay.

I was like, okay,

please explain.

I said to my GP and I'm like, explain this to me.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

Um, I even remember when I went into my, um, my GP and I had to fill out

the questionnaire that they give you and all that stuff, her face sort of,

she went pale and she was like, you know, I just need to make a phone call.

And I thought, what is so terrible that I've just, you know, told you

that you need to look that way.

I freaked out.

I thought, oh my gosh, am I dying?

What is going on?

And she immediately said like, you know, you need.

Basically like the most intense, um, therapy that we can give

you thought, what do you mean?

Like I'm

functioning.

I'm not, you know, there's a lot of people out there in the waiting room

that are probably worse off than me.

What do you want, what do you mean?

And I, I think that therapy therapy before, but not, I mean, Sort of,

because mum told me I needed to go.

Um, it wasn't really because I was struggling or that, um, so yeah,

if that was the first time I heard it and needed an explanation.

So what, what took you to the GP office that day?

Was it for something else or were you starting to that.

Well, a friend of mine that I had connected with had told me that

she was seeing a therapist and that it was really helping her.

And she was talking to me about some experiences in her

life and things like that.

And I'm in my head going, that's the same thing that I'm going through

or that's what I feel or whatever.

And she said, oh, you should go to your GP and just like, ask.

For resources or see if there's like, you know, a therapist that you can

go and see, but you need a referral.

I was like, okay.

So I headed on to my GP and that's pretty much why, like

nothing had, I mean, I had just.

And going, like looking back, obviously I'd a lot of aggression

issues, a lot of anger issues.

Um, a lot of emotional, um, detachment, all of that sort of stuff, but

I just thought that was normal.

I'm like how I am until she started saying, you know, no, it's not actually,

you know, when you need to see your GP about it, um, So, yeah, that's what I did.

I went to my GP and that's got that.

Got the ball rolling,

basically.

Yes.

And so was it hard to take that step then to going to get help or seek therapy?

Or were you quite open to that?

Yeah,

it was, it was hard.

Um, only because I felt like I was now.

I was doing this therapy again.

Um, and I thought, but it's, is it really going to be, is it really necessary?

Like, am I going to get anything out of it?

Um, I've been before, like, what's the point of doing this all over again?

So

you didn't really feel like there was any big issues in your life

that yeah, the surface level.

Yeah, on the surface, I felt like I, um, W, you know, I was just dealing with my

emotions in a way that I knew how, you know, knowing is at walls are normal for

people, you know, making, like making dents in my walls or, you know, yelling

at my husband or yelling at my kids.

Isn't that normal behavior.

I just figured, well, a lot of women do that because

we're under a lot of pressure.

Um, I never ever connected it with.

Anything that was in my past, I had experienced in my past, I just,

this is I'm under a lot of pressure.

I've got two kids and driving the mentor.

That's what,

which they do

like, well, this is

what happens.

Yeah.

And I think you're right.

And I do think it's often.

Excuse me in those years where we were in that pressure cooker, it

often happens whether it's marriage or work or kids or grief and loss,

or sometimes it just brings, it has a way of bringing stuff to the surface.

I know my background was in nursing and on gross everybody

out, but I love pass somewhere.

It's like one of my stick things, but, um, they own you to send the patients

to me with the grossest wounds, but we'd often if they had like something

that was under the skin, there's an oil you could put on it and it would

bring it to the surface because they couldn't actually heal and get better

until that had come to the surface.

And so I think for many of us, whether it's PTSD or whether it's

just dealing with our own baggage or our family of origin, like

there comes a point in our life.

It generally happens like 30 schools.

It just depends on situations and seasons, but where things

start to come to the surface.

And sometimes we're living as women and particularly in this survival

mode where we're the perpetual givers, we're constantly in the hustle we're

constantly doing and slowly these things are coming up, but when we don't have

the time and space to process or to understand what's happening and then

sometimes either it's an explosion or.

Yeah, something happens.

And for you going to the GP that day, where it just, it comes to the surface

and you have to deal with it because once you see it, you can't unsee it.

And I think this is the way the holy spirit works.

And for many of us, we couldn't cope with seeing the full picture of

everything at a particular age or season.

But when we're Christian, when we're following the Lord, he has

a very gentle way of just leading.

Painful as it may be in difficult as it may be, but.

And he's in his timing.

He will bring them, bring that to the surface, to be dealt with.

And I guess there are some people who choose not to deal with it and

they numb and they block and they continue in their dysfunction.

And there are other people who are prepared to do the hard work, which is

what you've done yourself over the years.

So it's quite a journey it's not easy.

Um, and I don't think anyone actually ever arrives at the point of whoa,

abracadabra, I'm done, I've overcome this.

It's really this journey.

It's an up and down journey of learning to integrate that into who you are.

And to walk towards wholeness in Christ, that doesn't necessarily mean everything

is going to be great, but it means he will heal and restore those areas.

And so I'd love you to share with us if you're, if you're open just about,

I guess often we have a moment that, or we have an accumulation of things

that have happened to us, which lead to that for you, that was around abuse.

And that happened at a young age for you to

do.

Yes.

Um, so between the age of seven and 10, I was sexually abused by a

close family member of mine, who we trusted and I trusted, and I loved

very much and thought, you know, that was the person that's going

to protect me and keep me safe.

Um, so for, for a lot of my childhood, Um, a lot of my childhood has been

blocked out because of the trauma that I experienced from seven to 10.

So yeah, it was very difficult for me.

And that's really what came to the surface for you, which

triggered this diagnosis, isn't it?

Yeah.

Which is, I mean, when the therapist sort of.

Delve deep and started asking me, you know, about my past and stuff like that.

That's definitely the first thing I said, because like I mentioned

previously, I'd been to therapy before.

Um, when I had disclosed all of this information to my parents and my mom

said, oh, you need to go to therapy.

Like, you know, this is, we can't deal with this as a family, you need

to see someone or if I went, um, and when I think about it, like, I

think I've been to six therapists.

Um, and a psychotherapist as well.

I've been to a lot of people.

Um, and I think it's important to recognize that sometimes it's not

going to be the first time you go to their second or third or fourth.

And maybe something, something else in your life that is going to be that

trigger for you to actually propel you to the next step and the next

stage of healing, because for me, the therapy was really just the first step.

Um, and.

Even now I still see a therapist, um, because it's important for me to maintain

that healing and continue to seek help when I feel like I'm not coping.

Um, but when I went to see my GP, that even for me, I was still in denial.

I was still like, I can do this on my own.

It's fine.

You know, the therapist will give me a few tools and I'll do that.

And that's okay.

She'll be happy.

I'm doing her work for know.

However many days I need to that's okay.

We'll do this.

And you know, I'll show everyone I'm coping and I'm doing okay.

And I would have these mental conversations with myself to just

make sure that everyone okay.

Is my husband.

Does my husband think I'm fine.

Okay, good.

Does mom think I'm fine.

Good.

Do the kids see happy mom yet?

But on the inside I was still struggling.

Like I was nowhere near where I needed to be mentally.

And didn't realize that I think until 2019, so it took about, yeah, it

took about two years to me to sort of really dive into my healing and my.

Um, and so

that, that inner work, and this is something, so whether women have

been through PTSD or a similar experience to you or not, we

all have to do our work, right.

It's just, it's so important.

And it's really important for our kids if we're raising children or in the workplace

for our marriages, because those wounds are those things that happen to us in.

Whatever they are, they do come out and there's that saying, you know, that what's

not healed or transformed is transferred.

And so if we choose, and it is a choice, it's a choice not to deal with.

It might not feel like a bit.

It actually is a choice and it is a difficult journey.

But when you push through that, Jonathan often says to our kids,

there's magic on the other side of fear, you know, like when you actually

push through and you do get that resistance, like, because our brains

are actually hardwired to keep us safe.

Our brains do not want to go to any difficult, painful part.

And so it's much easier to bloke and numb and keep going.

But when we do push through that resistance, I think that's one thing

I really want to encourage women in their lives is just to push through the.

However that shows up because if you persevere through that and you do

that soul work, and that is actually where transformation in Christ and

the healing, the healing does happen.

And you've experienced that in your life.

And you were saying, you know, yes, therapists play an important part, but

you've got a beautiful parish priest.

You've got a support network.

So, I guess, could you share with us a little bit about, I guess, the role

of your faith and how your faith has really helped you in terms of that?

Yeah.

Um, I would say that's the number one reason why I am healing and because I,

I feel like the journey is always going to be a healing one it's never going

to be, I'm never going to be completely healed as they say it is a continuous.

I suppose the only thing that basically saved me, um, is

that I've shared the story.

I think a few times on my Instagram page, just because it's such a powerful one

for me, I was literally, um, leaving my marriage, leaving my kids 2019 was a tough

year for my husband to deal with the me that I was, I was struggling a lot and.

Very confused as to which direction I'm supposed to be going in.

You know?

Um, I felt like I needed to be selfish and I needed to, you know, I say

selfish at that point, I was thinking I needed to take care of myself.

I need to put myself first.

Those are the types of, um, you know, the type of language I was using to sort

of cover up what was really going on.

And I thought, oh my gosh, this is.

Like, I don't want to be married to this man anymore.

Like he doesn't, he doesn't get me.

He doesn't see me, blah, blah, blah.

And my kids are too much.

And you know, this is all too much.

Um, and I had to go through the worst of it before you get, like,

before I had to get to the good bits.

And I remember when I.

When I came back from an overseas trip, I took an overseas trip by myself.

Cause I thought, well, I'm gonna, you know, take care of myself and I'm

doing all these things I love, um, including be unfaithful to my husband

and be unfaithful to my kids and do all of that stuff that you know,

these, these young women get to do.

And I thought that would fix me.

I thought if I could, if I could just live my life the way I want to do it.

I'll be happy.

Yeah.

Um, and I remember being on my trip overseas, and this was the moment that,

um, I think changed everything for me was I was in the shower and, you

know, I had already been unfaithful.

I'd already betrayed my husband and it was already over basically, but I,

something came over me in the shower.

And uncontrollable feeling of release.

I just cried and solved.

Went on the floor.

Like my legs couldn't hold me anymore.

Just cried and cried.

And I remember feeling such relief.

And such, um, just a release of all of the baggage that I'd been

carrying for the past, you know, 28 years old, just in that moment in the

shower, just flowing down the drain.

It was all leaving my body.

And I literally felt like Jesus's arms were around me hugging me in that shower.

And.

It was in that moment where I realized this whole time, I thought I was doing

this on my own, but I was never alone.

I was never by myself.

I was, I was just pushing everyone away, including my faith.

I didn't want to have anything to do with church.

I didn't want to have anything to do with prayer or my Bible or

anything like that until that moment.

And my eyes opened, my heart opened again, and it was a real discovery of what.

God's love and unconditional love looked like.

And I think from that moment, it, yeah, it changed everything.

I could've made a decision to, to say, okay, you know, while the damage is done,

now my husband won't ever take me back.

I might as well just let it go start a new life somewhere, you know?

I said, I'm going to own up to everything that I've done.

I'm going to talk to him and tell him everything and be honest.

Um, when I get home and, and God will take care of the

rest, you can, how did that go?

That's very big.

It was probably the hardest conversation you have to have.

And God really did take care of everything else because my.

Held my hands.

He looked at me, he was hurt and disappointed and probably extremely angry.

Um, but he decided that he wasn't going to walk away and I decided

I wasn't going to walk away.

And we've been working on our marriage ever since then.

Um, and quite frankly, it's my marriage now is the best, the

best it's ever been because of.

All of that stuff.

And, you know, as you mentioned before, with, with the past, I

feel like that's what happened.

I had to go through the worst pain, put him through the worst pain

ever to have all of that stuff, come up to this stuff as for us.

And then we could finally put our lives.

Back together.

And now the F at the forefront of our relationship and the

forefront of our family is Christ.

No matter what, where we're faithful, where true to our faith number line.

And I never had that before.

I never had that.

I was baptized Catholic, grew up in a Catholic church, very

strict Catholic family, but never had the faith like I do now.

Because of that moment.

And that moment, you know, from, from my, my childhood sexual trauma

had to be, it was like a slow band all the way up until that moment.

And you know, it's funny because I never really connected the two.

Um, things, I always thought it was my mistake.

It was on me.

It was all this until I had to do the work that, you know, work and really

understand the childhood trauma.

Um, affects your brain, affects your entire makeup of your body.

It affects so many parts of your life that you really think that all of these

decisions that you're making are ones that are rational and ones that are, you know,

I'm thinking straight I'm, I'm clear.

I know what I'm doing, but in actual fact, it's a rewiring of

your brain that you had no idea.

And so it was really an eye-opener for me.

And it was something that I had to, um, really accept and, and work through,

uh, by no means was it easy, but I feel like that's what gives me the

understanding to sort of say, there's a reason why before, you know, before

I make an action or a decision, there's a reason why I'm going to go that way.

Consciously.

Yes.

Myself.

No, actually we're going to go this way and we're going to make

this decision because that one wasn't going to be a good one.

That's right.

Whereas before I wasn't able to do that because I hadn't pinpointed.

But my PTSD was driving a lot,

every decision I made.

And I think that you pick up on something really important there,

unique in that is that so often we are just reacting in life.

Now, whether that's just in the day-to-day grind of motherhood or whether

it's on a bigger level where there is trauma and everything in between.

So often we just react and we're, we're often driven by

our emotions and our feelings.

So we don't feel this way.

So then we, we react and we.

Act out in certain ways, but I think, you know, one of the things that we

do at the genius project is really looking at that mindset training.

One of the things we do in the master classes, looking at how we can rewire, I

guess, our thoughts in the light of Christ and under the gaze of the holy spirit,

because there are so many lies and things that we believe, and they're not even.

Uh, you know, in our consciousness, so much of our self worth and

images formed at a very young age.

And so we're acting out of that place.

So whether or not any woman has been through trauma or not, all of us are

invited to do that work on ourselves.

And I think to become, and the word we use is intentional and

that's what you're picking up.

Yeah, to be really intentional, to slow life down, to go notice the thought and to

capture the thought as it's going through, then looking at the emotion and the

feeling driving, and then the behaviors.

And like you said, like we're not the animals God's given us an intellect

of free will, so we can impose our will and our reason over our emotions.

You know, we often say, you know, love is a decision that you make,

not a feeling you feel, and it's actually a decision you make in spite

of how you feel a lot of the time.

And that's what you're picking up on.

But your story is amazing and there's just such redemption and restoration

there and the power of Christ.

And I think when women, I mean, I know different areas.

I haven't been through trauma myself, but people very close to me.

My family has, and yeah.

You know, when you reach that point, you really, it there's.

Yeah.

It's just, it's a, quite a challenging place to be.

Isn't it?

Because there's a lack of hope.

And I think when we feel hopeless or like you used the words.

Things have gotten out of control.

I may as well give up, like, it's gone too far.

There's no hope from here.

Yeah.

But we have to remember as Christians that we always have hope in Jesus

Christ and then he can make the most beautiful beauty from ashes.

He can restore anything that is broken.

Right.

I think there's, I'd love you to just speak into that for a moment about

your experience of, I guess, the power of Jesus Christ and that restoration,

because we can do all the therapy, we can do all the self-help and I believe

that that is absolutely crucial when you're going through your journey, but

it can take you to a certain point.

Yeah.

That final point, which is what you picked up and is the grace of Christ.

Can you speak into that for a moment, I guess, about your experience

of faith in your restoration and

recovery?

Yeah, sure.

Um, I think it's beautiful.

What you said, like, you know, um, he restores the broken.

I did feel like I was broken and there was no coming back.

From anything from my trauma, like I felt like I was completely shattered

into pieces as it from a child from, you know, the age of seven, I felt.

Okay, well, there's no hope for me.

Um, no one's gonna love me.

No, one's going to appreciate me.

Or, um, I won't be able to have a whole family, like so many others

because of what happened to me.

Cause I'm so broken, but God.

Doesn't care about our past.

He doesn't care about, um, our mistakes.

It's important that I had to sort of understand, um, that it

was with him that I'm able to.

Heal.

It was with him that I'm able to be restored and healed, um, through

his grace and mercy, not my own, um, you know, not my own, um, I guess.

Uh, workings, I wasn't going to go out there and fix myself.

It wasn't going to be just me.

I had to work with him and alongside him and really take guidance from,

from what he was saying to me and what he was putting him in my life.

And he might in places.

That, um, or taking things away.

But once I was listening, I was actually, I was aware and I was surrendering

and I was saying, okay, you know, I know that your plans are bigger.

I know that your plans are for me and not against me.

I know that your plans are going to see me through and prosper

me and prosper my family.

And I know that I'm praying for the things that are for me and not.

Against me, I'm going to help.

You know, I felt like I was praying for all the wrong things.

Like I was praying for this life it's freeing and you know, this

life that, um, was easy, but he said, that's not what is for you.

That's not your purpose.

You went through this trauma at seven years old to help others.

That's your purpose?

I didn't put you through the fire.

For you to burn.

I could finally accept that my trauma was the reason for a lot

of my decisions that I was making.

So I had to accept first.

I have to say, okay.

Yes, I see, I see the era.

I see the mistakes and I see why.

So I had to accept that and really take accountability for the mistakes

that I've made in my past as well.

Four to them onto someone else and say, well, it was because this

person hurt me when I was seven.

Um, it's all that person's fault.

Yes.

They're at fault for what they did to me, but everything else I can now

change and I wasn't going to hold on.

I needed to forgive.

I needed to let go and then move forward with my healing process.

And I think once I realized I needed to forgive, not for them,

but for me, so that I could heal.

Yeah, it was a process of, of just constant prayer.

My husband prays over me.

I hate it's something that we do together to make sure that we're constantly, um,

on the same page and just allowing the healing and the grace and the mercy of

God to con to come to me and to hold on to that and to see that that's.

The most important thing.

I don't think that the outside elements are, or the external, you know, a lot

of people give me, um, self-help books really appreciate them for, I love that

they do that, but I think I've probably read one, um, from front to back.

Yes.

I feel like those are really great resources for a lot of people.

They really do help.

Um, but for me, I felt like.

To stay true to myself.

And to stay true to like my self help book is my Bible.

Beautiful.

There's more in there that I could, that I could probably get in 3000

lifetimes of self-help books.

Jesus

is the ultimate like self helper.

Isn't exactly

like the ultimate motivational speaker he knows.

And he, and the great thing.

About that is that he knows me better than I know myself.

So before I even make the wrong move, or even before I make the

right one, he's there, he knows he's already gone before me and he's

already fall to that path for me.

So I don't have any fears when it comes to where is, where am I

going to be in the next five years?

Or, you know, there was a lot of that doubt thinking,

oh no, I'm not going to be.

Healthy.

I'm not going to be healed.

I'm not going to be okay, but I am because I place all of my trust in him.

Absolutely.

And I think that's a big part of it.

There's two things I want to pick up on there.

The first one is that all that self-help personal development stuff,

which we acknowledge is very good.

There's a lot of goodness in it.

In fact, I think a lot of that actually comes from faith, but

it's just, you know, but it's.

You know, it doesn't give the full picture and the full revelation of

total transformation and happiness.

And I know one thing you pick up on is, you know, you were looking for

fun and freedom and happiness because you were just looking for those

things that in all the wrong places.

And even though they seemed.

Yeah, it was actually the narrow path, the harder path that

actually made you to happiness, joy and you know, transformation.

So, yeah.

And the other thing there is just, you're talking about faith and faith

is just so important when people are going through, I guess what you've been

through or they've got those difficulties that therapy does compliment the faith.

Doesn't it like we, you also like, yes, we can have.

And we need to pray for transformation and revelation, but we also need to

take the practical steps ourselves to help ourselves, you know, that beautiful

quote, often quote, Saint Augustan.

He had created you without your cooperation.

He won't save you without your corporation, that we need to be

active participants with the Lord in our own life and our own healing.

So we actually, we can't just sit back and say, oh Lord heal me and

then go, why hasn't he healed me?

And I think you picked up on a really important thing.

This experience that you had is a part of your story.

And we have, I have them, everybody has experiences, um, good, bad, the

ugly, the traumatic, and it's not about overcoming them as it is about living

through them and allowing Christ to heal us and walk with us and transform

us so that we can grow more fully into who he has created us to be.

And I think so often he actually uses.

To then lead us to our mission.

And if we don't do that work and it's hard work, it's bloody hard work.

Like I've done it on myself.

My husband's done.

He's had work.

Lots of people I know have, and it's not fun.

It's ugly.

It's you feel like giving up?

It's not like one day you wake up and you're like, I'm all good now.

And you would say that too, wouldn't you?

It's constant working.

Yeah.

But yes, there is this element here of just keep moving forward

and keep taking those steps.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I feel like you and I, I love, you know, the saying that

anything worth doing isn't easy.

Hm.

Because then it wouldn't be worth it.

The reward at the end wouldn't be worth it.

If the whole process was easy and a breeze, we get to the end and

we're like, oh, well, that's nice.

The whole reason why it's difficult and why God says follow me is

because it's going to be hard.

It's not going to be easy.

And we can, you know, I had a lot of people, like a lot of friends that

I've had from for a very long time.

Just disappear and say, well, you know, you're not the

person that I thought you were.

And I say, no, I'm not.

I'm not because this is the person that I'm meant to be.

I was called to be this person, not the person that I was pretending to be.

Most of my life, that person is dead.

Now the person that I am today and the person that I'm working on every single

day is the person that God created.

That's the person I ran away from this person for a long time and was in denial.

But, um, and that's why a lot of people, you know, I've got a lot of

friendships that have disappeared.

Um, and I think we sort of feel.

Sometimes, if that happens, it's our fault or, you know, oh now what am I

going to do without those friendships that I've had for over 20 years?

Well, you're going to live.

That's what you're going to do.

Um, and you're going to forge new, stronger, and more healthy relationships

that are going to serve you.

And.

Walk with you through this journey of healing and not to tell you or

distract you from your purpose.

Absolutely.

And I think w one thing I was trying to pick up on was just this

idea that, um, like the missing our lives becomes our mission.

And that's one thing I'd love to wrap up.

Just talking about how the Lord has done that.

I mean, you, in 2017 and 2019, when it had had no inclination or understanding.

A few years later, you would actually be public about your story

and your experience in the hope of offering hope to other women.

And that mission.

They often say we turn the test into a testimony and the mess into a message

and God wastes absolutely nothing in our lives, in Romans, all things work

for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

So.

If we are seeking after him as imperfectly as we do that,

we're trying to be faithful.

He will honor that.

And he is a faithful God is a God of restoration.

And so that's what he has done, I guess, in your life.

Hasn't he, but he's really moved your heart towards this sense of mission

of boldness and vulnerability, sharing your story, which is not always easy.

But I think when we keep things in the dark and when there's shame

around them, that's when they become like a cancer to our souls.

Vulnerability is not a weakness.

It's actually an incredible gift.

And, and when you're vulnerable, like, you know, like you are today, like

that is a gift for other women, like giving women permission to either look

at those areas in their own life or share their own story so that they

realize that actually not alone.

Exactly.

That's exactly what we're doing.

I'm a confident woman who it is.

We're trying to encourage women to really share their stories and to be

encouraged by other women's stories and realize that, you know, all our, our

vulnerabilities and all of our weaknesses that we thought were weaknesses are

actually our strengths and that we can, we can actually speak life into others.

We can run those

broken places that have been the

store openness, um, that we thought that we thought made us, um, hopefully.

Uh, you know, made us unnecessary in society.

It actually is our strength and we have so much purpose.

Um, and I th I mean, I didn't think that I would be sitting here

talking to you on your podcast and sharing my story, but I know.

You know, every step of the way God has guided me, um, and said, you know, we're

going to put this in front of you today.

We're going to try and challenge you with this today.

And I always say, I can't do it.

I'm not worthy of doing that.

What do you mean?

I don't have the strength.

Um, and he says, yeah, you do.

This is your purpose.

This is what you're here for.

Um, and I feel like every woman's story is worthy of hearing and some.

We'll get something out of it.

Even if you think it's a small thing that you've been through,

it's going to change someone's life.

If you just share it.

Um, and that's what we're doing.

Um, and I feel like, you know, that's yeah, that's my, my mission.

And my purpose is just to continue to tell women, to share, share

their joys, share their struggles.

Um, no, one's perfect.

Um, and, and I think that's important for us to, to realize that.

You know, God was the one that saved me so that I can, I can in turn, be around

so I can share and hopefully save someone else just by, by them hearing my story.

And, and just having that moment of clarity and saying, oh my

gosh, I need, I need help.

Hmm.

I mean, that's beautiful many, thank you so much.

Your story is just, it's very powerful and it's such a gift to so many women,

and I hope that the women listening to this today really got a lot out of it.

I don't know how you couldn't, but it gives me hope.

You know, it just, it encouragement, I think as well.

And also does elevating our gaze to heaven that realizing

that Christ is our guiding star.

And that he will come to us.

Like you said, that moment in the shower often when we're completely at

the end of our capacity and ourself and our own resources and our striving and

all of those things, that is where he will come and he will begin to rebuild.

As he's done with you.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that interview with Monique may ladies, do you know

what he's just around the corner.

It's advent.

Advent is coming and this is a season of preparation where we

really create a space in our hearts to receive the Lord at Christmas.

Now this year has been crazy.

It's been like no other year.

Coming out of lockdown, which kind of feels like the start of the year,

but really it's the end of the year.

And so I have an invitation for you to join us in our genius project,

advent retreat that will be coming up.

We'll be releasing details on our social media platforms over the next few days.

For you to be able to carve out some time and space, this advent

to really hear from the Lord.

And we've got a whole lot of fantastic stuff coming your way to prepare

you and walk you through this advent season until next week, ladies have