00:00:00 Sana: Have you ever caught yourself performing your life instead of living it like you're doing all the right things? You are saying the right things. You're holding it together, but inside something feels flat or tight or far away. And sometimes the problem isn't that we don't know what to do. It's that we have been living from the neck up, thinking, managing, coping while the body quietly carries the truth we keep overriding. Today, on this episode of The Mindful Living, we are talking about feminine embodiment. Not as a trend, not as a vibe or hashtag, not as something to perfect, but as a coaching modality that helps women come back into themselves, more present in their bodies, more aligned with their values, clearer with the boundaries, and less attached to the roles that shrink them. You know, the good girl, good wife, good mother. The version of you that keeps the peace but loses herself. And we are also exploring the real life stakes of this work through my guest story. Two marriages, two divorces by the age of forty, and unexpectedly reconciling with her second ex-husband, the father of her son. Not a fairy tale, a human story of responsibility, repair, and embodiment.

00:01:48 Sana: So welcome back, dear listeners, to the mindful Living. I am Sana and, um, yeah, this conversation is for you. If you have ever felt this disconnect the disconnection from your the disconnect from your body, your desire, your truth, your own. No, this episode, this conversation is for you. Our listeners, please welcome my incredible guest, Bella critique. So Bella, welcome to the show and I'm really honored to have you here with us.

00:02:19 Bella Krutik: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be joining you today. I'm very excited for our conversation. Absolutely, absolutely.

00:02:28 Sana: before we begin, um, dive deeper into the conversation. Um, I, I mean, you know, a few people would think, okay, so maybe Sana is talking about just, you know, something which is related to only feminism and all that, but, uh, what, what I feel Bella is, um, whatever we see online, um, or on social media, it's just the surface level in there. Um, the people who may think about it. Um, that, you know, uh, talking about these labels, the expectations, the, the unreal expectations of, you know, always like performing the duties, being a good wife, good mother, good daughter. Um, this is just a good, good woman.

00:03:22 Bella Krutik: Yeah.

00:03:22 Sana: You have to always be loyal, subservient, and people pleaser. Um, it's still there. It's still there, and it's still kind of normalized. So, um, I'm really happy. I'm. I'm really thankful that you're bringing up this, uh, for, for us to talk about. So yeah. Let's begin.

00:03:42 Bella Krutik: Yeah, I totally agree with you. And, you know, I was raised in, um, by immigrant parents who moved to Australia and there was a real Expectation to for me to be a particular way. Not too loud, not too sad, not too emotional. Definitely the good girl in that my emotions, my needs always came second or third or fourth. And if I expressed any kind of issue with that, or if something happened and I was just upset about what happened, there was no permission to express or feel those things. Now, this wasn't out of a lack of love. It was out of a lack of survival. You know, my parents came, moved to Australia with nothing and they worked so hard. And for that, I'll always be grateful. You know, they gave me a better life because of it. But without them realizing it, they were molding me into somebody who actually didn't trust her body anymore. The messages of my body. You know, I would feel this anger or this injustice or just sadness, and I would be told that, you know, I'm too much or I'm overreacting, or that what I'm feeling isn't justified. You know, why are you angry about that? Nothing bad has happened. And so as a result of that, you become someone who A doesn't trust their the messages that you're receiving from your body, you shut those down and you also become somewhat of a people pleaser because anything else leaves you feeling out of place, perhaps not really belonging. Maybe you feel a little bit less loved. And so you perform the things you do and say the things that bring about approval. So even if they're not the things that you really want to be doing or saying. You do them because you want that validation, that approval and that love, and that sees its way into our adult relationships as well. Yeah, it is, it is.

00:06:06 Sana: And I think it also kind of, uh, uh, becomes a very intrinsic part because of the conditioning, uh, that, you know, we, we, we don't want to, um, create any unnecessary, you know, the quote unquote are necessary, uh, ruckus just because we want something for ourselves, we'll think that, oh, why am I being so selfish? Let's, let's, let's agree with, you know, whatever everyone else is saying. Why should I do it? Mhm. Like, um, I personally like, uh, observed this, experienced this, uh, but yes, um, times are changing very gradually. Yeah. It is still still, um, this the, the basic, uh, foundational, you know, what we're going to discuss today? I think it's still prevalent out there. And, um, it may take a lot of time, but then if even one woman, even one man, uh, and that's, you know, that's, that's what I also, um, sometimes hope that it's not just about gender, but then all, you know, always acknowledging that he has, uh, you know, e every, every gender, every human have their own power struggles.

00:07:25 Bella Krutik: So absolutely. Yes. Men and women. But I do agree with you that these things become intrinsic and that as a result, we tend to shut ourselves down. And that's really just a pathway to misery. And, you know, I, I always say we have this one beautiful life to live. I guess it depends on your views around that. But in the here and now, we have this one beautiful life to live, and I want every one to look back at the end of their journey and say, I lived my life as well as I could. I squeezed the juice out of it. And if we're making ourselves, ourselves small to keep the peace, we're not going to look back and feel that way. We may have regrets. And so a lot of this work is really about releasing those expectations that others have of you, the shoulds and feeling like you can really live an aligned life. Yeah, absolutely.

00:08:34 Sana: And Bella, uh, let's try to understand female embodiment because, you know, many people would hear this and it may sound, um, vague or maybe, you know, even little exclusive, like it's only for a certain type of, of, of women. Um, so what do you mean by feminine embodiment without the buzzwords? Like, how do you know, um, someone is not embodied even if they look like they have it together.

00:09:05 Bella Krutik: Um, I think everyone is, um, on a spectrum of, from embodied to not embodied. And most people sit somewhere along that spectrum. You're most people are not one or the other. And so I'll tell you what I mean by that. Someone who is embodied does not have to prove that they're embodied. They would walk into a room and you feel their grounded presence. You know that they have done the work. It is an energy that they carry about them. And feminine embodiment work is about working through the layers of protection that our bodies have put in place over the years. So if we have experienced any kind of pain or trauma or disappointment or sadness, anger, anything like that, and we have not addressed it or resolved it, they say the body remembers that it's in our body as frozen tension. Oh, and this work is about melting that frozen tension, not healing, not getting rid of, but melting out so that we can live in flow and in alignment. And often when someone dives into this work, which is from the neck down, you know, and you said before, how do we know this work is for, you know, for everybody or not, not just some particular people. This work is for everybody because we are all so busy living in our heads. We are completely unaware of what is going on in the body. And the body is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge that we do not tap into because it's not it's not productive to do so. But this is a thing that lives in the feminine realms. So this work is very much about becoming more sensitive to what is called your inner felt senses. And this can be something you physically feel in the body. So it's about learning to become more sensitive to what you feel in the body, where things sit in the body when you feel them. And as you become more sensitive, we dive into those layers, we dive into that frozen tension, and we give ourselves the opportunity To sit with and acknowledge those frozen tensions. And by doing this, we actually start to learn to love those parts of ourselves. So we might have certain anxieties around things. We might have resentment around things we might have regrets or disappointments. And so this is not about going, okay, I feel really upset about this thing that happened. I'm going to let it go. No, it's about having a safe space to dive into that via the body, to sit with it really made it in your body and start to love it. That is where things start to melt. And it's really interesting work because your brain tries so hard to protect you from those layers, because it can be very tender and very vulnerable. And so a lot of this work is about learning to sit with that. It can be uncomfortable, but we build your capacity for that. So that's what this work is really about is about releasing, sorry, melting frozen tension so that your body and you can live in alignment, so that you can go after the life you really want in a boundaried way. You can release limiting beliefs, things like that. That's what this beautiful work is all about. MM.

00:13:13 Sana: And I actually, um, especially connect with something that you mentioned is building your capacity because that kind of, you know, it, it, um, it, uh, it doesn't make it sound fluff because often, you know, conversations around, around this can be, um, Considered or, or, um, molded as you know, all this, uh, fluff, you know? Yeah. It would be life changing. This will be done. This will be done. Do this, do that, and everything will be done. No, it's going to be, you know, like messy. It's going to be a bit chaotic because because you are trying to kind of you're not trying to be someone completely different. I mean, yeah, it's totally up to you. But then it's kind of, you know, you are, uh, yes, as you mentioned, the frozen tensions in there. So it's, it's kind of, you know, that that discomfort of, uh, cracking their eyes and then, you know, uh, yes, coming out of those old layers of yourself.

00:14:26 Bella Krutik: Absolutely, absolutely. It's, it isn't easy work. As I said, it's very tender. It's very vulnerable. But this is in service of living to your greatest potential. And I having experienced this myself, I can safely say this work is transformational because it lasts. And. And the reason I can say that is because you're bringing your body online. You are bringing your body into the equation. You know, I did therapy in the past and it absolutely had its merits. It really helped me in certain ways. But I found that the patterns that I had repeated in the past tended to come up again. Hence my story of, you know, two marriages and two divorces. When the mind and the body are aligned, when you feel the truth in your body, and this is what this work can do for you, you can literally feel that truth in your body. That is what makes it transformational. So if you imagine being told, do not touch a hot stove because you will burn your hand and you've never done it before, you know in your mind not to do it. It's not until you've actually accidentally touched that hot stove and you have felt that heat and that burn and you know, the pulling away from the heat. It's not until you do that that you really know never to touch the hot stove. And that is what I equate this work to. You know, you go from knowing something logically, which is a lot of what therapy is to feeling it in your body. That's when you really know. That's when you can make the real changes because it's something that you feel inside. And that's what I love about this work. And we'll talk all day about it. If someone gave me the opportunity.

00:16:34 Sana: No, I really love that. And, um, um, the more and more, uh, we have these conversations. I think, um, that's kind of the first step to, to begin with, um, you know, to begin the journey towards female embodiment, a feminine embodiment.

00:16:56 Bella Krutik: Yeah.

00:16:57 Sana: Um, and, uh, bella boundaries. I mean, this is something I've also struggled with. I just say no, but then in real relationships, um, long term ones, you know, you especially if I, if I say from a perspective of, uh, a woman, um, you, you kind of want to avoid saying no because you have this, you know, uh, you feeling that? You know, if I say no, it will trigger. It will kind of please my partner. Uh, it will create arguments, conflict, guilt, fear, or even some sometimes, you know, violent reactions. Oh, you do not trust me? Something like, you know, uh, very triggering questions thrown back at you that you do not trust me. That's why you're saying no. How can you say no? That really hurts me. And, um, so I want to ask this, uh, Bella, what does a boundary look like when it is embodied, not performative.

00:18:07 Bella Krutik: Yeah. Um, so an embodied boundary is a grounded boundary and it is not necessarily saying no, it is expressing from a grounded, deep and knowing place. So from the body, what you are available for and what you are not available for. To me, that is the definition of a boundary as opposed to just putting a wall up and saying no. Now, I completely understand that women do not necessarily want to stand for what they're not available for, because of all the reasons you said. But if you think back to what I was saying before about learning or building your capacity to sit with discomfort, okay. When you learn to do this within your own body, you become much better practiced at doing this with your partner. So you, you are able to express your grounded and embodied boundary, which you feel so deeply inside your body, which gives you strength and courage, but also you have the ability to sit with the reaction, with the response. You are able to you know that you've got your own back, so to speak, and you. Know that whatever the response is, you are honoring yourself, which is. That is something that women need to do a lot more of. Whereas I think a. Lot of women have been trained to honor their partner first. But we really need to honor ourselves. But also, you can sit with what is happening. That disc, that possibly very deep discomfort. Maybe he walks away. Maybe he raises his voice. Maybe he says, you know why? Why are you. Saying no? Don't you trust me? You can sit in that very uncomfortable place because you already know, having done this work with yourself, that you can get through that, come out the other side and you're going to be okay. You're going to get to the end of the discomfort. Turn around and realize, okay, that was uncomfortable, but I am okay and I have stood in my boundary, I have expressed my boundary and I have honored my own needs. And when we honor our own needs, think about what happens with resentment. It doesn't come up okay. If we're constantly dishonoring our own needs, that is how we build resentment. And, you know, resentment builds walls and disconnection, and it is a downward spiral. That's the other reason why this work is so important, because we become better practiced. We build capacity to honor ourselves, and that's in service of the relationship to not just ourselves. If you know that by honoring your needs, you are avoiding more resentment, you are avoiding, you are avoiding more disconnection. That is such a powerful thing for your relationship.

00:21:42 Sana: MM mm. And yeah, and something that you mentioned, you know, that feeling of safety. Mhm. It's, um, we tend to, um, we tend to think or predict the entire reaction in there once we have said no and we feel that kind of, you know, our nervous system feels that kind of threatening that. Yeah. Well, if everything goes, um, all right, then, uh, it's not safe. Uh, everything will be like, you know, this, this will be destroyed. So that's why we tend to. Okay, let us just stay away from saying no. Just just go with whatever you know, everyone else is saying. Um, and, um, talking about Bella, your story, um, I want to go into your story, but because it's real, but then it's not the meat that I left and lived happily ever after narrative. I mean, you have been through two marriages, two divorces by forty, and then you later reconciled with your second ex-husband, um, the the father of your son. So what was your part compassionately, but honestly in how the second relationship, you know, fell apart, you know, something, um, that you have learned?

00:23:10 Bella Krutik: Um.

00:23:11 Sana: Yeah.

00:23:12 Bella Krutik: Yeah. Thank you for asking that. Um, there was a lot and to be honest, I took zero responsibility initially. I was the person who, after I made the decision, would tell anyone who would listen, hear the myriad of reasons why this was the right thing to do. And you know, we do that because we want to convince ourselves that even though it was such an incredibly hard thing to do, it was absolutely the right thing to do. So I thought that I was quote unquote, the perfect partner. I had done nothing wrong. And it was all it was all his fault. Now, looking back, I realized that was a very naive way to look at things and what I learned. Well, there are many things I have to say, but the main things I learned were that I had kept him at arm's length as a way of protecting myself. I wouldn't let him in. I wouldn't let him in emotionally. I really struggled to show affection, and this was all because I'd been hurt in the past. And so I thought, if I don't let him too close to me, he can't hurt me. And, you know, in a relationship, affection and intimacy is vital. And so I, you know, looking back, I realized I was just trying to push him away all the time. The other thing that I learned that is so key and that I think is something so many people in long term relationships can build again, build capacity for, excuse me, is presence. I was very much in my head going over things that had happened in the past that I was still hanging on to, or I was rehearsing for the future, I was very rarely in the room with him when he was there with me, and that was creating so much distance and so much disconnection. And again, that was just another protection mechanism. And, you know, it's such a common, it's such a common thing that we all do again, because we're so busy, we're so in our heads, we're trying to be productive, we're trying to get through the day and do everything. But being present with your partner is a conscious choice that you can make. And as much as it can be very tempting to, at the end of the evening, sit on the couch, watch Netflix, or scroll through your phone. We just push ourselves further and further away. And actually, my. second ex-husband, my partner now. He was actually the one who taught me about presence. You know, apart from learning it as a as part of my studies to become a feminine embodiment coach. Looking back, I can see that he would ask for quality time. You know more of me. And he still reminds me of that sometimes. You know, I'm not a perfectly healed person or partner, but I have realized that, you know, once again, I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I was trying to keep him at a distance. And so I just wasn't I wasn't there, I wasn't present. And presence is such a gift and it's one that I, yeah, that we need to choose all the time. And again, this is something that I help women to build capacity for through this, through this work that I do.

00:27:14 Sana: And I truly, truly appreciate you, uh, being, you know, so, uh, I wouldn't say honest, but, you know, open, open about it because it's kind of, you know, it's, it's rarity, uh, that, and it's not just the man or the woman, but anyone, uh, who has been, um, through relationships and the turmoil of it mostly it looks always like, you know, you kind of get to, um, pin the blame or, or maybe nitpick just your partner's fault that it was because of this, because of that. That's why I left or, you know, it was done to me. Um, it's, it's kind of natural because that's, that's how your, uh, your, your nervous system, your mind is trying to think about it just to keep itself, like, safe. Yes. Then, uh, to learn from it and to realize that no, let's look at this from a nuanced perspective. Um, maybe I was the problem or, um, I, uh, I was kind of disconnected from, from myself. So then how could I connect with my partner in there? And this is actually, you know, sometimes, uh, I feel a lot of us women, women we struggle with because we have been hurt in those relationships. Yeah. We feel that, you know, uh, okay. Maybe they, they are like that. Only the relationships are like that. And, uh, maybe this is not something for me. Uh, so let us let's just completely numb myself and stay this either in being super ambitious or maybe just, you know, kind of, um, living my life alone, whatever I can because I don't want to even look at relationships.

00:29:21 Bella Krutik: Yeah. Yeah. I think it takes two. Right? I mean, like you say, it's very understandable why when we step away from a relationship, we make a list of all the reasons why it didn't work. And we typically point the finger at our ex, but we absolutely contribute. You know, we are living day to day with another person subconsciously, in most cases, bringing these patterns and these unhealed traumas into our relationships that silently sabotage what's happening. And if you are disconnected from yourself. If you are so in your head, you're not going to realize that that is what you're doing. You are only going to see faults with the other person, and particularly if you've been raised to be the good girl. And that is how you're showing up in your relationship. As far as you're aware, you're doing everything right. You know, you're doing all the things that you were shown and modeled are good wife and partner and mother looks like, but then you're feeling really dissatisfied and really resentful and you can't understand why because you're doing everything right. So it must be my partner. You see how there's this real disconnect and it's not necessarily anybody's fault. And I suppose what I would love for people to hear off the back of my story is that There can be rupture, but there can also be repair. And the work isn't. You know, a lot of people say, oh, you've got to work at a relationship every day. You do. Absolutely. But that does not mean buying her flowers or cooking him dinner or making his lunch for work. It's doing the work on yourself and really understanding how you're showing up and that, you know, I'm not saying they're blameless or they can just, you know, carry on not looking at themselves. We all have to do that. But that is what the work is that that self reflection, that inner work, that tender, vulnerable, honest work. And when you do it is just, it is so rewarding. And I think everyone, you know, everyone that wants to be in a relationship wants it to feel alive, wants it to feel connected and passionate. We don't just want to get through the years together and just get by. You know, we want that aliveness and that connectedness. But we have to contribute to that. That doesn't just happen on its own. Absolutely.

00:32:18 Sana: Absolutely. That is so, so right, Bella. So awesome. Okay. Amazing. Uh, so before we wrap up, uh, Bella, I'm very sure, um, our listeners would be so eager to connect with you further. Maybe they would have their own thoughts, experiences, or opinions to share. So how do we connect with you?

00:32:41 Bella Krutik: Yeah, I would love to hear from your listeners. You can connect with me either through Instagram and my handle is at Bella K coaching, or you can also reach me through my website, which has a lot more information around what I offer. And that is bella K coaching dot com.

00:33:07 Sana: So listeners, what I'll do is I'll, I'll have all the links mentioned in the show notes. So yeah, find them attached along with this episode on whichever platform you're tuning into your mindful living podcast right now. And, um, what I've learned today, listeners here is embodiment. It isn't being soft all the time, but it's about being real, real about your needs, your boundaries, your grief, your desire, your know, your yes. And when women stop performing roles that make them smaller, the relationship doesn't change. The life changes. And Bella, um, thank you. Thank you so much. Uh, because, uh, really, really appreciate that you brought Honesty apart from from the tools and, and, uh, the meaning in here, uh, you know, especially the parts of your story that don't fit the tidy narrative. So thank you so much.

00:34:10 Bella Krutik: Thank you so much for having me and for the wonderful questions that really insightful questions and the conversation. I appreciate it so much.

00:34:19 Sana: Thank you. Thank you so much, Bella. And, uh, thank you to all the listeners for tuning in. If this episode gave you maybe a language for something that you have been feeling, or if it helped you sit a little closer to your own truth, follow the mindful living and, uh, share this episode with one person who has been carrying too much alone. And as always, take one breath today that belongs only to you. Until next time, this is Hosanna and I will be catching you in the next episode. Thank you.