[00:00:00] Brian: Lisa says she's a block away.

[00:00:05] Angela: Henry's late too. Why isn't anyone ever on time in this friend group?

[00:00:09] Sanjay: Henry's blown me off seven times this week. I think the comedy set is really getting to him. I haven't been back to the office slash Kaasni's addicts and she threw him out and I left my MacBook there.

[00:00:20] Brian: Kevin, are you. Are those toe shoes?

[00:00:24] Kevin: They're Monicas. I lost a whole box of clothes in the move.

[00:00:27] Angela: Let's go your first solo apartment. How's it feeling?

[00:00:32] Kevin: Yeah, thanks. It's a bit tight. I can only afford a studio. My bed folds out into the kitchen and my feet touch the rice cooker.

[00:00:39] Brian: How are your parents taking all of this?

[00:00:41] Kevin: They miss me.

[00:00:42] Kevin: Monica's forgiven them, but things feel very touchy right now. I'm hoping in time they'll come around. Yeah, true love doesn't discriminate.

[00:00:50] Angela: Whoa. Is anyone seeing Lisa and Henry walk in together? Are they f***ing ?Since when do they like each other?

[00:00:58] Kevin: Hey, we should respect their privacy. Okay. Don't say anything.

[00:01:03] Sanjay: There's our superstar. How was the week?

[00:01:06] Henry: Oh, it was interesting. Ah, okay. Okay. Okay. Yes ma'am.

[00:01:12] Lisa: Hey gang. What did we miss?

[00:01:15] Brian: Oh us. Nothing. Nothing. You know, just, uh, talking about how all of Kevin's relationships are very precarious at the moment. But, uh, yeah. Lisa, I, uh, noticed that you and he-- Ow!

[00:01:27] Kevin: Apropos of irreconcilable differences. Um, Angela, how are the canto lessons going?

[00:01:33] Angela: Uh, goodish. I, I've been texting my aunt over WeChat.

[00:01:38] Kevin: Where is the nearest taxi station?

[00:01:40] Angela: I've only made it to basic travel phrases, so,

[00:01:43] Lisa: oh, oh, how, how is she, you know, health wise?

[00:01:46] Angela: Yeah. I, she looks happy. Okay. Is this enough small talk and bullsh**? Because, can we please just address this?

[00:01:52] Angela: Are, are you with Henry and item or what, because I can't bear to sit through this whole dinner wondering if you two are a thing.

[00:01:59] Henry: Well, are we?

[00:02:02] Lisa: We are not !

[00:02:03] Brian: No, no. The weird defensiveness you had last time. The way you rushed in to protect him, you're totally f***ing.

[00:02:08] Henry: Well. That would be a lot more fun than what we're actually doing. I, jeez! What's with all the elbows today?

[00:02:15] Sanjay: What are you doing? Because you've been blowing me off all week while I've been busy trying to make you a star. Are you quitting comedy?

[00:02:22] Henry: Oh, bro. Chill. Okay. I'm not quitting.

[00:02:25] Sanjay: My mom taught me that success and pussy go hand in hand in Uncle Sam's backyard. Okay? You need to stay available for our star to rise!

[00:02:33] Lisa: Okay, we are not together.

[00:02:37] Brian: In the name of radical honesty, I have to come clean. I saw your two online together.

[00:02:45] Henry: Nice.

[00:02:45] Kevin: What? Nice. God.

[00:02:47] Lisa: No, everyone.

[00:02:48] Henry: It's nice.

[00:02:48] Kevin: You made a sex tape.

[00:02:50] Lisa: No. Jesus Christ. No, I got fired. Okay. I got fired. Fired.

[00:02:57] Angela: Oh sh**.

[00:03:00] Brian: Was it because of the pills? Because I feel kind of responsible, even though I know it totally wasn't my fault.

[00:03:05] Lisa: Oh no. It was your fault.

[00:03:06] Brian: Lisa, look, I know you're a little upset right now, but really you can't blame me for losing your job.

[00:03:12] Lisa: Oh, no, no, no. I don't blame just you. I blame everyone for the week that I've had. It's been a long time coming. I was up to my extensions in debt between crowd funding Kevin's relationship, Brian's broken d*** fund, henry's two drink minimum comedy shows, and bankrolling my mom's Phi Phi photo shoot. And then there's you.

[00:03:32] Angela: What the f*** did I do? Are you looking at me?

[00:03:35] Lisa: Oh, no. You don't remember? Lisa, you are always posting curated sh** online. You have so many followers you should monetize. Asian women make bank, then you are plugging this camming thing for weeks.

[00:03:47] Lisa: While everyone plied me for pills and favors.

[00:03:49] Angela: I anecdotally mentioned that Asian content creators make bank online, especially the snatched ones. So you're a cam girl now?

[00:03:59] Lisa: I dabbled for the week to make a chip in the massive mountain of emotional and monetary debt that y'all put me into, and now I'm henceforth retired.

[00:04:10] Angela: Okay. That's just so fricking cool actually.

[00:04:12] Brian: Yeah, you can't quit now. I mean, aren't you happy you cracked the top 10 on the amateur boards? I mean, that's basically unheard of.

[00:04:18] Kevin: Isn't it just weird to watch your friend do sex stuff?

[00:04:21] Angela: I believe that's kink shaming.

[00:04:23] Lisa: Honestly, it doesn't matter because. I've left the industry!

[00:04:26] Brian: But you were doing so well. Why'd you give up?

[00:04:29] Lisa: Well, ironically, for the same reasons I started that fateful day at the pharmacy.

[00:04:41] Lisa: Hey, what--?

[00:04:42] Candace: Shut up.

[00:04:43] Lisa: Sorry, Candace, uh, didn't expect you to call me. Huh?

[00:04:46] Candace: Shut up. Mommy's on the phone with a coworker. She's working. Sorry about that.

[00:04:53] Lisa: All good, boss. I was just, uh, I was just concentrating. Yeah. Can I help you with something?

[00:04:57] Candace: Boss, more like sister or Candace? Listen, can we talk human to human?

[00:05:05] Lisa: Sure.

[00:05:06] Candace: Do you know why I asked you to speak to me, Lisa?

[00:05:08] Lisa: Is that a rhetorical question or one I should answer?

[00:05:11] Candace: What do you think ?

[00:05:12] Lisa: Now? I'm really not sure, but, um, uh, no, I, I don't know what this is about.

[00:05:17] Candace: Well. There's been a real inventory problem here and it's becoming an issue where people might have to get involved to audit us. You've heard of an audit, right? Can a mom and pop pharmacy like us even survive an audit?

[00:05:30] Lisa: Again, I can't really tell if you want me to answer, but if I had to guess, the problem is really bad and the answer is no.

[00:05:39] Candace: And look, if I wanted to get down to the bottom of things I could. Someone's been copping pills and Pat says, you've been treating yourself a lot lately.

[00:05:49] Candace: He says, you're a Louis girl.

[00:05:51] Lisa: My sugar daddy got that for me.

[00:05:53] Candace: That was rhetorical. By law, I'm not allowed to ask about your sex life or online shopping habits, but good for you.

[00:06:01] Lisa: Thanks, sisters, sister, Candace, I mean Candace!

[00:06:06] Candace: Even if you didn't have a sugar daddy and you pocketed a few pills here and there.

[00:06:10] Candace: That's okay. Some just fall on the floor, you know? And the way things are these days, the economy, the political circus; my lady parts resemble a plate of carpaccio more than their former self. Do you know how badly I love to trade the diaper Genie and iPad for a vaginoplasty and some Valium? Everyone does it.

[00:06:30] Lisa: I thought I was the only one. But, oh my God, it feels so relieving to hear you say that. I don't make enough to live alone as a single girl with a weekly nail appointment. And my mom's recently retired, so now her only joy in life is traveling with me and having people ask, are you guys sisters? So, yeah, I don't know what you mean, but I know what you mean.

[00:06:55] Candace: And totally sister. But since you copped selling our pills for an extra buck, I'm gonna have to ask you to clean out your locker.

[00:07:03] Lisa: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, was that also rhetorical? Because I was just totally trying to relate. I, I, I take that back. I take everything. I said, okay, I need this shop. I promise I won't ever lose another pill again!

[00:07:12] Candace: Lisa. You wouldn't be pocketing enough Viagra to get the whole DEA task force hard if you weren't trying to fill some hole in your life by putting everyone first. You fell right into my rhetorical line of questioning because you're desperate to be liked and connect with people.

[00:07:26] Lisa: Sister. Sister. That's so not true. We were just having a moment. Right? You know, we're a family. You say that we are a family.

[00:07:35] Lisa: Please don't fire me !

[00:07:37] Candace: As your cooler queer work Mom, I feel it's my responsibility to fire you. You're not happy here, Lisa. And I'm sorry it took a kilo of missing pills to clue me in. Look, Lisa, you're young, you're gorgeous.

[00:07:50] Lisa: What does that have to do with it?

[00:07:51] Candace: I follow you on the gram as they say. Those cute TikTok dances, restaurant reviews, rubbing oil on that beautiful gold, hued skin of yours. I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunities that aren't in this pharmacy. Go out and find what you really want for yourself now, what others want from you. Okay. Hey, hey, wait, shut up. Don't have kids. That's my advice. Well, anyway.

[00:08:17] Lisa: $2,300. I need to make $2,300 in the next three weeks to cover my ass.

[00:08:28] Pat: Hey, I hope I didn't interrupt you screaming into your Fendi baguette. I just heard how you took the fall in there for me, and I wanted to give you this. It's a sourdough starter discard lemon cake. I saw you had liked a few of the recipes on their channel.

[00:08:45] Lisa: Yeah. Thanks, Pat. That's scarily astute of you to notice.

[00:08:49] Pat: You're always putting yourself above others. And I, I find that deeply, um, honorable.

[00:08:57] Lisa: Honorable, interesting choice of words, Pat.

[00:09:01] Pat: I wish we had gotten to know each other better while we worked together, but you were always so pretty.

[00:09:08] Lisa: Again, with the pretty.

[00:09:10] Pat: I mean not just pretty, but gorgeous, those beautiful almond eyes and the skin color of a king's hawaiian roll.

[00:09:16] Lisa: Thanks for the sour cake, Pat, but can you please go away though before you start to word vomit another microaggression and I step on your balls?

[00:09:23] Pat: You would?

[00:09:24] Lisa: You wish, apparently.

[00:09:28] Pat: Maybe I do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[00:09:30] Lisa: Okay. I would have to argue that everyone feeling entitled to piece of me is wrong.

[00:09:35] Pat: Okay. Sorry. You're right. I'm not entitled to your time. But please accept the cake I humbly made you. The sprinkles are Valiums.

[00:09:46] Lisa: Pat, wait. How much would you pay for me to step on your balls?

[00:09:53] Pat: Oh!!!!

[00:09:59] Lisa: Enough?

[00:10:00] Pat: I've seen how you dish it out to those sh**ty customers. You can go harder than that.

[00:10:06] Lisa: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. How's, how's that?

[00:10:09] Pat: Whoa. I'm sorry for underestimating you, Lisa. That's right. I'm sorry. I felt entitled to your affection. Thank you for...

[00:10:20] Lisa: ...did you say entitled?

[00:10:29] Lisa: Holy f***ing sh**. This is lucrative.

[00:10:33] Kevin: How much does that cost exactly?

[00:10:36] Henry: You trying to get in on that?

[00:10:38] Lisa: Hey, money aside, I felt amazing. I started to think about how as a hot yet loyal and caring Asian woman, I've always been projected as this fragile submissive object. Now, when Angela and Brian went off about how Asian sex workers are so in demand, something clicked.

[00:10:56] Lisa: Then my boss and Pat went off on how pretty, how in demand I was, and I thought, okay, why not hack the system that seeks to exploit me and get them to pay me back? Now, if I was gonna do this, I need some guidance. Every art form has this pantheon of gods, it's leaders, it's innovators, but the range was almost overwhelming.

[00:11:19] Lisa: From submissive. Submissive. To exotic,

[00:11:21] Sex Shop Clerk: exotic, furry, furry, and beyond.

[00:11:24] Lisa: I was looking for someone that was knowledgeable and compassionate, but could kick some a** if need be. I wasn't just content to get people to pay for my time. I wanted to dominate. I needed a mentor who was fully and unapologetically themselves.

[00:11:39] Lisa: Someone proud and loud. And then:

[00:11:43] Kim Pham: hi. My name is Kim Pham and I'm a B-D-S-M educator and Mommy Domme.

[00:11:47] Lisa: Kim was someone whose path and career stemmed from one motivation alone that she wanted to live her truth totality and getting in touch with her sexual identity was just a huge part of that.

[00:11:58] Henry: And she's a freaking G.

[00:11:59] Kevin: Doesn't she have a huge food company?

[00:12:01] Angela: Omsom.

[00:12:02] Lisa: I scoured her social media for resources. I had access to the knowledge, but I needed to dress for the part. So I turned to some retail therapy for the, uh, tools to succeed.

Marker

---

[00:12:17] Lisa: Hey, uh, excuse me.

[00:12:19] Sex Shop Clerk: Hi. Sorry, too eager. You're the first person to come in here today who's not a clueless man shopping for their sexually frustrated girlfriend.

[00:12:25] Lisa: Oh, yeah. Um, I'm looking for some, um, torture implements.

[00:12:33] Sex Shop Clerk: Okay. Do you mean bondage or restraints? You wanna whack, poke, or prod? Are you looking to tie it down?

[00:12:39] Lisa: Oh, uh oh. Well, honestly, I'm, I'm not sure I'm gearing up for my first online show.

[00:12:46] Sex Shop Clerk: Well, torture and bondage sections are over here also. We have a great special going on by two nipple clamps and get a stick anywhere crystal jelly dildo for free.

[00:12:54] Lisa: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm, I'm good.

[00:12:55] Sex Shop Clerk: Are you sure? They're super flexible and they really do stick literally anywhere.

[00:12:59] Sex Shop Clerk: Like here or here.

[00:13:01] Lisa: Oh.

[00:13:02] Sex Shop Clerk: Or here. I've even got it here.

[00:13:04] Lisa: Yeah. Um, yeah, I'm super impressed, but I was thinking more in the realm of like something that'll put someone in their place.

[00:13:11] Sex Shop Clerk: Oh yeah. Over here we got ticklers, flos, furry paddlers, feather and leather crops, cuffs, collars, and leashes.

[00:13:18] Sex Shop Clerk: Hmm. That's a lot

[00:13:20] Lisa: of options.

[00:13:22] Kim Pham: Lisa. You're a woman who knows what she wants. Word of advice, quality is key. Hmm. Maybe fancy that red leather crop or maybe something flashy like that studded paddle.

[00:13:33] Lisa: Yeah, I do love shiny things. Let's go with a stud paddle.

[00:13:38] Sex Shop Clerk: Good choice. That'll be $214 and 59 cents. Oh, trời ơi.

[00:13:43] Kim Pham: My darling. It takes money to make money.

[00:13:47] Lisa: I rummaged through all the things that I bought from the store. I picked up a fun blue wig and a bikini. I set my camera and my lights cleaned up my room, and I was just about to log into the session when--

[00:13:58] Henry: Lisa, Lisa, you in there?

[00:14:03] Lisa: What the f*** ah is is Henry here?

[00:14:06] Henry: Lisa? Open the door. Open the door. I know you are in there. It's an emergency. Oh, come on bro. I got kicked outta my place. Open the--

[00:14:18] Lisa: --okay. Hold on.

[00:14:22] Henry: Okay. Okay. Thank God. Well, hello? What kind of freaky a** sh** is going on here?

[00:14:32] Angela: You let him in. I don't know. Lisa, you may have a people pleasing problem.

[00:14:36] Lisa: All right. Look, Henry needed a place to stay. I mean, how would you feel if your entire world fell apart after doing that set on tv?

[00:14:43] Henry: Okay. My entire world did not fall apart. My mom said between the death threats into the house, someone sent a new MacBook Pro. So maybe someone enjoyed the show.

[00:14:52] Sanjay: Hey, that's my laptop!

[00:14:54] Brian: Lisa. That's super generous, but I hope for your sake, you set some boundaries.

[00:14:58] Lisa: Oh, I did. I'm letting Henry stay with me under the condition that he helps me with my videos. He's been super helpful. Actually. He helped save my show.

[00:15:08] Lisa: Stop. Don't look at me. Turn around.

[00:15:11] Henry: Sorry. Go together.

[00:15:13] Lisa: Just, just hold it up then.

[00:15:15] Henry: It's mad heavy.

[00:15:16] Lisa: Okay. The session's only an hour, right? Is it? Is it ready yet? Welcome to here.com. Wait, did you put the studded paddle out?

[00:15:24] Henry: Yeah, I left it next to the towels.

[00:15:26] Lisa: All right. All right, thanks. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh my God, Henry, there's 70 people in this room. Hi. Hi everyone. Hi. Yeah. It's, uh, me, li Lily, tiger, tiger. Lily, I'm, I'm, I'm ready for some tips.

[00:15:45] Henry: Lisa, I can't hold this.

[00:15:49] Lisa: Just shut up. I'm, I'm, I'm new here. New, but don't any of you. Sick puppies get any ideas? You better tip well, if you want me to, uh. Do some stuff. Stuff!

[00:16:03] Henry: Ugh, ahhhh!

[00:16:05] Lisa: What the actual f*** Henry, prop it up or something if you can't hold it. Jesus.

[00:16:13] Henry: Thanks. Hot 4 AZN baby. But, uh, I am a little mad. Yeah. 'cause my chore boy over here just is so inexperienced. Yeah. He, he wishes I'd use my, my sexiest studded pedal on his lowly little a**

[00:16:34] Kim Pham: Seems your subs are really enjoying you taking charge, Lisa?

[00:16:38] Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Tiger. Lily, will you please insult my tiny c*** thousand tokens?

[00:16:48] Lisa: Yeah, that's a lot of coin, but I know.

[00:16:51] Lisa: Holy sh** it is like a baby carrot.

[00:17:00] Lisa: Everyone's going insane in the chat. Henry, what do. No, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to start with p****. Refuse. I need to warm up or something.

[00:17:09] Henry: Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Also, do you have a menu? Tell them it's not on the menu.

[00:17:16] Lisa: What's a menu?

[00:17:17] Kim Pham: Babe. You set the rules of engagement here to worship and grovel at your feet is a f***ing privilege.

[00:17:24] Lisa: f*** yeah. Kim's right. This is my show. I can do whatever I want.

[00:17:31] Lisa: Okay. So exciting stuff. Mm-hmm. I just, uh, I just put up a very sexy menu of things I'll do for you if you prove yourself worthy, but like maybe no more small p**** humiliation for a bit, you know? So, who's ready?

[00:17:49] Henry: Ouch. We're down to 40.

[00:17:51] Lisa: Okay.

[00:17:51] Lisa: Well, let's see if any of you little worms are even worthy of my presence, because I'm the baddest b**** on this site. Yeah. Am I right? Oh, well, well, well, 'proud daddy of a daughter.' Aren't you a pathetic little creep. You're gonna have to do better than that.

[00:18:14] Angela: I mean, 40 people is not bad for a first show.

[00:18:17] Brian: It started off strong, but things dramatically took a dive after that.

[00:18:20] Kevin: Ew. You watched the whole thing?

[00:18:22] Brian: Yeah, it got pretty exciting.

[00:18:23] Lisa: Yeah. Brian's right, it was like 45 minutes in and I was still far from my goal.

[00:18:28] Henry: But then I--

[00:18:28] Lisa: --but then Henry suggested something at a pinch.

[00:18:32] Henry: Lisa, getting kinda hungry over here.

[00:18:34] Lisa: You're interrupting my session chore boy.

[00:18:37] Henry: What is that? Can I have a piece? What are these like pill shaped sprinkles?

[00:18:41] Lisa: It's a sourdough starter cake I saw online. My coworker made it for me. Ugh. But be careful. The sprinkles are--

[00:18:46] Henry: --oh, nevermind. Smells like sh**.

[00:18:49] Lisa: Ah, okay. You know what's dodo? Your assisting work.

[00:18:54] Henry: Dodo. I. Oh, okay.

[00:18:58] Lisa: You know what? Chore, boy, you dare interrupt my session.

[00:19:02] Henry: I'm starving.

[00:19:03] Lisa: You wish you could have a piece of this cake, but you're so pathetic. It's such a waste of my energy that I wouldn't dream of giving you any of this cake. No 'Joe X-0tic'. I didn't make it myself. A guy who wants to f*** me made it for me.

[00:19:20] Kim Pham: Look inside yourself, Lisa. Show them what Pat's simpy little gesture means to you by dominating it with your ass.

[00:19:27] Lisa: Yeah, I. I like it. You know what? The little pathetic cretin that gave me this cake. Yeah. He wanted to earn my affection so bad, but he's so inconsequential and he begged me so hard to ride him like a pony. But you know what? Yeah, I'm gonna sit on this cake, this gorgeous ass, and this, just sit on it. Okay?

[00:19:54] Lisa: You know what? I'm gonna eat it.

[00:19:59] Lisa: It's actually not that bad. You pour sick puppies. You like this, huh? It's all creamy up in here. You know what that feels like? It's great. Hey, chore. Boy. You're hungry, right? You say you're hungry.

[00:20:12] Henry: Yeah. Yeah. What the hell?

[00:20:16] Lisa: Here more? Yeah. Sorry.

[00:20:22] Henry: Jesus. Why?

[00:20:23] Lisa: Yeah. You eat this, this.

[00:20:27] Henry: It's, oh,

[00:20:32] Lisa: Eat it!

[00:20:37] Henry: I have to say that cake tasted way better than I thought. Okay.

[00:20:40] Lisa: Let's see. Um, lemme just cash out. Oh my god. 2,893 tokens. That's insane. Wait, this is only $145 and 65 cents. Wow.

[00:20:55] Lisa: This is a lot of work.

[00:20:57] Henry: Yeah, no kidding.

[00:21:00] Kim Pham: Look, sex work is work. It's not an easy gig. But I'm so proud to see you living your truth on your own terms and making men pay for it.

[00:21:08] Kim Pham: How do you feel?

[00:21:09] Lisa: Babe? Poor still, but I feel like I've taken back a piece of myself that other people tried to claim.

[00:21:16] Kim Pham: That's my good girl.

[00:21:17] Kim Pham: I believe my work here is done now. Go and have fun out there.

[00:21:21] Lisa: Okay, Henry, I'm gonna go wash off all this icing before I get a UTI. You can sleep on the couch and um, thanks. For supporting me.

[00:21:30] Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No worries. Anytime. I feel so good right now. Huh? I think I might fall asleep right here.

[00:21:41] Lisa: No, no, no. This is my room and I've still got to clean up and change the sheets and Henry.

[00:21:51] Lisa: Oh sh**. The Valium.

[00:21:55] Brian: It was pretty hot. I'm not gonna lie.

[00:21:57] Lisa: Yeah. People seem to like it. I started social media accounts for Tiger Lily and posted pictures of my butt on the cake, and people who saw me on the cam site started following me. I made 250 the next night, but the cake was a solid 70 or 80 bucks. I was forced to do the unthinkable.

[00:22:15] Lisa: I had to learn to bake.

[00:22:17] Kevin: Wait, you made this. Wow. That looks delicious.

[00:22:22] Lisa: Thanks. By the end of the week, I had raked in a little more each evening, and I was building an audience. I had earned close to $1,500 in tips, so I did what any sensible independent woman should.

[00:22:35] Lisa: Hi. Hi there. I'm, uh, looking to open a business account.

[00:22:41] Darius: Uh, yeah. Welcome to Pristine Credit Bank. What can I help you with today?

[00:22:44] Lisa: An S corp. I already filed and I've got my paperwork right here. Here's a deposit for 5,000. Now, will that qualify me for the $200 promotion?

[00:22:56] Darius: Oh yeah. It sure will. I love an organized bb. Love one.

[00:23:00] Lisa: Bb.

[00:23:01] Darius: Oh yeah, boss babe. Yeah. We've gotten a whole bunch of corporate catch raises for new young business owners. I'm technically required to use it, but I'm personally not a fan. Hey, take it up with HR Darius, right?

[00:23:12] Darius: Okay. Okay, so let's start you off with a regular small business account. Now tell me a little bit about your line of work.

[00:23:20] Lisa: I'm in entertainment. Mm-hmm. But I was originally in medicine.

[00:23:24] Darius: Ooh. Career pivot. Sounds like it's going well, huh?

[00:23:28] Lisa: Yep.

[00:23:29] Darius: Cool, cool. So, uh, follow up. Are you part of the adult entertainment industry?

[00:23:33] Lisa: Oh, why do you ask?

[00:23:34] Darius: Well, because we don't open accounts for people associated with that industry.

[00:23:39] Lisa: Oh, really? I thought anyone can open an account.

[00:23:42] Darius: No, no, no, no. We have a moral turpitude clause 'cause it's our bank and we can turn away business we don't wanna be associated with.

[00:23:50] Lisa: No, no, I'm not associated with that. I just make like cakes online.

[00:23:57] Darius: Wow. Yeah. That is so cool. You know, it's like every day I come to this office and I increasingly ask myself, why am I in crippling debt? It's like I had dreams too, right?

[00:24:08] Lisa: Oh yeah. I'm sorry. It's never too late though, to pursue your passions.

[00:24:12] Darius: Can I be honest with you? I've always wanted to open a Bikram yoga studio. Like the hot, kind, the steamy room, right?

[00:24:18] Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. That's a great dream.

[00:24:20] Darius: Well, you're all set. Your card should arrive in five to seven business days.

[00:24:24] Lisa: Thanks.

[00:24:24] Darius: Choo Choo! Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, boss babe.

[00:24:27] Lisa: My show and the cakes were a huge success and I was just a few hundred dollars away from my goal. I was a boss, babe, with the new company card.

[00:24:36] Grocery Store Clerk: That'll be 42. 57 cash or card?

[00:24:39] Lisa: Card. Obviously I'm gonna expense the sh** out of this.

[00:24:44] Grocery Store Clerk: Hmm. I'm sorry. It seems your card's declined.

[00:24:47] Lisa: That's, that's weird. Let me try again. What? I don't get it. I mean, this was just set up. I have money in the account!

[00:24:54] Grocery Store Clerk: Ma'am. There's a line for me behind you.

[00:24:55] Grocery Store Clerk: So if you can't pay for this right now, can you, can you step to the side? I've uploaded three videos from work to worldstar this weekend. I don't wanna make a career out of it.

[00:25:04] Lisa: I logged into my bank account, it was frozen. We've been informed that the account you opened has been flagged for activity in violation with our moral turpitude clause.

[00:25:14] Lisa: The email address associated with this account has been linked to several adult entertainment sites and has been frozen as a result. What?! I had been locked out of all my social media accounts, too, because they thought I was a bot. Everything was shutting down around me.

[00:25:30] Angela: Isn't it crazy how far the stigma extends?

[00:25:33] Brian: I didn't know they could just do that.

[00:25:35] Lisa: Yep. And my account didn't have anything explicit on it. Just pictures of a butt on cake.

[00:25:40] Kevin: Well, look, that's a very suggestive concept.

[00:25:43] Lisa: I can put up whatever I want, Kevin. If a man was sitting on a cake, it would be fine.

[00:25:47] Henry: Uh, it would kill. Like, uh, jacka** meats. Is it cake?

[00:25:50] Lisa: Anyway, I looked into the whole moral turpitude thing and apparently lots of contracts include them, including some state guidelines for hiring pharmacists.

[00:25:59] Kevin: So, your whole career could be in jeopardy.

[00:26:01] Lisa: Yeah, honestly, it reinforced my deep respect for Kim.

[00:26:06] Brian: And you got the money back, right?

[00:26:09] Lisa: Darius? Hi !

[00:26:10] Darius: Cake boss. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? You look great.

[00:26:13] Lisa: Hi, um, I opened an account about a week ago. You know, for my business, but it's been suspended and, uh, now I can't get the money out. So.

[00:26:24] Darius: What, well, let's, let's take a look at that right here, right now. Huh? Let's fix that for you.

[00:26:28] Lisa: Great. And--

[00:26:28] Darius: oh, oh, no way. No way. Look at this.

[00:26:32] Darius: Oh my.

[00:26:33] Lisa: As a token of my appreciation for when you get my money out of the account and shut it down.

[00:26:38] Darius: Are you kidding me with this? Is this a cake in the shape of Warrior Pose?

[00:26:41] Lisa: Oh yeah. I worked really hard.

[00:26:46] Darius: Hmm. Is this lychee meringue buttercream?

[00:26:50] Lisa: Yeah. And you've got good taste.

[00:26:52] Darius: Yeah. Well, you know, bikram requires intense focus and it heightens the senses.

[00:26:56] Lisa: Oh my God. Of course. Spider-Man. So, uh mm-hmm. About reinstating my accounts.

[00:27:04] Darius: Well, let's just see here. Ooh. Yeah. If you actually read the fine print, it says, we have a right to retain the funds in the account as a part of the damages incurred to our brand image. 'cause our brand is now damaged. Right. As a result of our relationship with legally, you're called the offending account.

[00:27:24] Lisa: Offending account?

[00:27:26] Darius: Mm-hmm. Yes. You're offending.

[00:27:28] Lisa: Darius. I'm not leaving this bank until I get the $5,000 I put into that account out.

[00:27:34] Darius: Okay. Well I'm sorry ma'am, but I cannot do that for you. And I am keeping this cake.

[00:27:40] Kim Pham: Kick. His. Ass.

[00:27:43] Lisa: Oh hell no.

[00:27:45] Darius: uh, security!

[00:27:49] Lisa: Yeah, it was fun while it lasted. I don't think I'm cut out for sex work. And camming quickly ended up having way more consequences and I was ready for. I don't regret any of it though. I learned a lot about myself and I created a lot of content that I felt was really empowering.

[00:28:05] Brian: It was, um. Definitely satisfying as a viewer.

[00:28:10] Lisa: I'm never gonna make my payments this month.

[00:28:12] Brian: Lisa. Let me pay for it.

[00:28:14] Lisa: B, no, no. I appreciate you trying to help, but I don't need your charity.

[00:28:18] Brian: Well consider it a tip for all of the amazing content you created this week.

[00:28:24] Angela: Ah, thanks. So, I don't know, what are you gonna do now? Are you gonna go back to pharmacology?

[00:28:30] Lisa: I don't know. I mean, after everything, I hate to say this. But it was really nice to just bake. I might just, uh, try this whole small business thing again, but with cakes.

[00:28:45] Henry: Listen, as someone who sampled every cake that Lisa sat on, personally, I can attest to the fact that she can make a fire cake.

[00:28:52] Lisa: Henny, thank you.

[00:28:54] Angela: Okay. But are they f***ing, like this is, it's obvious, right?

[00:29:00] Kevin: Oh, boy. Well, that's one way to build intrigue.

[00:29:04] Angela: Okay. Who did this? This is, this is not what the group chat is for you guys.

[00:29:09] Lisa: Oh, wow. I've seen a lot of dicks in the past week, you know, for my research. But this is, um.

[00:29:15] Angela: Yeah, yeah, it's, it's quite a nice photo, very thoughtful placement of SK II bottles and fresh flowers. But, um.

[00:29:22] Lisa: Wait.

[00:29:24] Henry: Yo, Brian, that's your d***! Brian.

[00:29:26] Kevin: Man, I told you this would happen.

[00:29:27] Lisa: Wait, how do you know that?

[00:29:28] Kevin: I told you it was too vulnerable?

[00:29:30] Sanjay: Dude is, is this the girl that alluded to having intercourse on a 4.4 G rollercoaster ride?

[00:29:36] Angela: Oh my God, yes it is. It's the Aland girl.

[00:29:39] Lisa: Brian. Oh my God. I think you've been revenge porn.

[00:29:42] Brian: There's a voice note.

[00:29:43] Claire: Brian is a liar, a con, and a threat to all women everywhere. If I don't get justice for what he did, then I'll release all the d**** pics he ever sent to me across the whole internet. And to his Umma!

[00:29:58] Angela: Oh, Jesus, the chaotic sex positive girl you met shopping in Aland?

[00:30:03] Brian: I don't know. I sent the pick to a few people.

[00:30:06] Henry: Never repeat an eggplant pick, dude. Never.

[00:30:08] Kevin: Your, your dick looks good if that helps, ey?

[00:30:12] Angela: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a very impressive photo. A vibrant color.

[00:30:17] Henry: Yeah, I would suck it.

[00:30:18] Lisa: Henny! ...out to me right away.

[00:30:20] Brian: Okay. Enough. Enough. Enough stop. Enough? Enough. Enough enough. Please. Can we please stop looking at it?

[00:30:28] Brian: Hello? Who is this?

[00:30:32] Claire: Well, well, well.