Hello, human collective.

Welcome to the Upside to Grief.

My name is Story and I am your host.

And my name is Erica and I am your co host.

Welcome back.

We are doing one of our segments this week.

Yeah, we're pretty excited.

It is the grief deck pull.

So we're going to be pulling some cards, talking about them and having fun with it.

Who knows what's going to happen?

That's like kind of the beauty of pulling cards is like you don't know what you're going to get and it will spark conversation or ideas.

So yeah, I'm like, I feel excited because I love pulling cards just in general, but then I'm like, oh, excited.

And then I'm like, it could go really sideways really fast.

But I'm here for it.

Yeah.

So just staying open to like whatever the cards may bring.

Yes, yes, we'll see.

We'll see what happens.

But yeah.

Okay, so we have two main little decks here.

I'm gonna do the little and drop some.

A little shuffle, stick them in there, shuffle.

We also have a deck that has three main topics.

Healing, grace and grief.

I was thinking that we could like start with those and then talk about the rituals because.

Yeah, yeah, no limit.

And if you've been following along, you'll have seen that Erica was the first person to do grief deck pulls after chapter two.

I believe you pulled the grief card.

Yes, yes.

You just did one.

Yeah, I just did one.

And I had like a vendetta against the grace cards.

Oh, do you remember that?

I was like, I don't know how I feel about pulling from the grace pile.

We're not there yet.

We just do what feels right.

Yeah, we're not there yet either.

Still and yet.

Thank you.

Maybe you'll pull the grace card.

Maybe that's what softness will look like.

It's a reoccurring theme in my life that Erica brought up to me.

Yeah, yeah.

What would softness look like?

Maybe the grace card.

Okay, well, I want you to pull first.

That was like my little plan.

So I shuffled these already and I was thinking you could put hands on them or shuffle them yourself if you want.

Or just pull like, just do what you want.

Cuz we'll do those first.

And then I was going to spread these out so we can like pull them at random.

Cuz I feel like if we shuffle like we did last time.

These ones or.

No, you're going to shuffle these ones.

These ones I already shuffled before we started.

Got it.

So then like just pull them however you want to.

I don't think there should be any rules.

Cuz.

Yeah, it's just for fun.

For fun.

We have fun.

There's fun in grief.

This is it.

This is the fun.

Buy yourself some cards.

Buy yourself some cards.

Yes, yes.

Reach out to us if you need suggestions.

Yeah, a couple people did reach out to me about what decks these are.

So if you do want to know, then just comment or DM and we will send you the links.

So yeah.

Yeah, let's go.

Story.

Okay.

However you want.

You can pick up a pile, shuffle through it.

I feel like they wouldn't even be cheating if you like turned them around and looked at him like.

I. I really don't think there should be any rules.

Okay.

Sorry.

I'm just thinking.

I don't know.

I like, I feel like I should pull the grace card, but I kind of want to pull the healing card.

Let's do both.

No rules, remember?

Okay.

Let's do both.

Okay.

Cuz I feel like they could be part of the same thing.

That's probably what you're gonna end up with.

Something that goes together very well.

Okay, here, I'll move these guys.

This one, she's just taking her time and pulling one.

Yes.

I like to just like take some breaths and like put my energy in into the cards.

Good.

She just did the cutest little nod in case you weren't watching.

All right, now she's going into the healing pile of this grief deck and she's going to choose a card.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

I'm going to move the big piles out of the way so we can just like see the two.

We got them.

They're really pretty.

For those who are just listening, they have some really cool like geometric shapes on it with like a butterfly, half butterfly, half flower design.

Then the other one's purple.

Just like our logo.

The grace card is the color of our logo.

I like that.

Okay.

Okay.

Which one is she gonna choose?

Grace.

Okay.

Take the high road.

Maintain strong boundaries while being gracious.

A difficult person or situation in your life requires your dispassionate detachment.

Taking the high road might be the kindest option for yourself.

Avoid unnecessary drama.

Don't tolerate disrespect or mean spirited behavior.

Yet show others grace you'd expect.

Connect with your higher values.

Speaking and acting from that higher wisdom.

Did anything pop out at you right away?

Oh, 100%, absolutely.

Okay, now do you want to pull the healing card first or do you want to process that one first?

I'm going to pull the healing card instead of processing it Just to make sure I'm going in the right direction.

I know 100% what stuck out to me on this, but we're going to.

Pull the healing card.

Let's just see.

I feel like they're connected somehow.

So let's see the healing card.

Rebuild and restructure.

Create and solidify new foundations.

No need to rush or overthink, as some of this healing will happen organically.

Whether it's your health, finances, career, or relationships, or several areas of your life affected, this card indicates a positive realignment phase.

Spin a new web for strategic evolution.

Break new ground.

Interesting.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I think it's very on brand for today.

I did pull a card this morning just out of, like, my regular, regular tarot deck, and I got the ace of swords.

So I feel like it's pretty on brand for today with, like, new beginnings and rebuilding and.

And stuff like that and being excited.

I think that when I.

When I read the first card about boundaries and.

And this part, taking the high road might be the kindest option for yourself.

For yourself, for myself, not even the other person.

For yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That just brings up some stuff at one of my jobs that there's just, like, a struggle that's going on there.

So I don't, I guess, necessarily want to talk about it because it's just like.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't.

I don't know, but I don't know.

I think it makes sense.

It's positive, so that's good.

I was worried.

Well, I liked the way that the first card take the high road was phrased.

The one about boundaries is because it's all about you.

Like, it's not about the other person.

It is.

Yeah.

Let me see.

So it's dealing with difficult, difficult people.

Well, a difficult person or situation in your life requires your dis.

It's all like, yes, it's about an outside situation, but it's you.

Your reaction to it.

Yeah.

So your dispassionate detachment, taking the high road is the kindest option for yourself.

You don't have to, like, tolerate any shittiness, but show others the grace that you would expect for yourself and connect with your higher values and act with your highest wisdom.

Like, it's not based on anybody else.

It's all you.

Same thing with this one, like, rebuild and restructure.

That is just giving yourself the space to actually kind of think about what that means for you.

And if you pulled the ace of swords this morning, that's actually kind of cool.

Because it's all about thoughts and communication and the opportunities to do that.

So it kind of goes with this guy where you don't have to tolerate or like disrespectful or mean spirited behavior, but you can speak and act from your higher wisdom.

And the ace of swords is literally like divine intervention, like handing you that opportunity.

That's why I was like, wow, this is, this is happening.

The cards never lie and they give.

You opportunity to just focus on a couple things.

Like if you just remember those when you're dealing with the situation.

Because you know, we really don't need to know what's going on.

We literally only need to.

I want to hear what.

How do you get into the solution?

How do you get into the solution?

Because I know it's something that is causing me imbalance in my own self and I don't like that.

And it's getting better.

Like I always like assessing it, you know, and seeing where I'm at with it.

And like, as opposed to two weeks ago, how my week went at work and then how my week went this past week, it was like better.

Like I wasn't so angry.

I don't like being angry or feeling angry.

And two weeks ago I for sure was like feeling that and I was like, I don't like my energy right now.

And last week, just this past week was a little bit better.

So I think that this is kind of like great really, because it's just more of like a reaffirming, like I am on the right road there and that this need to look inward for that.

You know, the solution is in here.

Yeah.

We can't expect other people to behave any kind of way.

We have no control over that.

Don't live your life based on the expectations of other people.

Yeah.

And I feel like with how this ties into grief, like when we are grieving, we can get activated so much easier.

So it's always good to kind of just let ourselves feel those emotions but not taking them out on people.

Yes.

The grace card where it says the maintain the strong boundaries while being gracious.

When I was like applying that to like a grief journey, it reminds me of platitudes.

That's what it reminds me of being like.

Okay.

Because I mean there's some days where like you're just, if you're having a bad day or you are like imbalanced and you're off and then somebody just says some outlandish, but they're just trying to help, you know, I feel like this is a Great reminder to be like, you know, like, it's.

Yeah.

Do I really need to tell them off and tell them that they're.

What they just said was totally unhelpful?

Probably not.

And afterwards, you.

You're probably not gonna feel it.

Like, the next day when you're reflecting on it, you're gonna be like, yeah, I should have responded differently.

Yeah.

But we're all human and, you know, it happens.

Yeah.

That's why I love that there are so many different types of decks.

And just to help you, like, re center and refocus and help guide that and help you process, it can be very, very helpful.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yay.

Okay, I'm gonna put these away over here.

Ish.

And then here is the.

What is the deck's name?

Rituals, meditations, and techniques for healing during grief.

So are we spreading them?

Yeah, spread them.

Sorry, I don't think you guys can actually see what we're doing.

We just look like we're doing.

I don't know what we're looking.

I don't know what it looks like.

But we're spreading cards on the space in front of us so that they can all be, like, splayed out and we can see all the pictures.

This deck has a lot of really cool pictures on the back of artists.

They don't necessarily coordinate with anything that's on the card, but the little guidebook inside the deck has, like, the information about the artist and, yeah, just maybe a little bit of a story about the artwork piece.

But like I mentioned, the artwork doesn't necessarily have to do with the ritual.

So they're just pretty very, very interesting and very.

I don't know, some of them are pretty deep.

Some of them are provoking.

Some of them are just bright and happy.

Okay.

Yeah.

Are you gonna pick one?

Am I gonna do it?

Yeah, you're okay.

Him.

This one right here.

Addressing anxiety.

Anxiety is a natural part of the grief experience.

For some, however, it may be prob.

It may become problematic interfering with daily life.

What helps you decrease your anxiety?

Activities such as deep breathing, exercise, thought, stopping and limiting sugar and caffeine are all helpful.

What thoughts or situations your anxiety.

Being aware of anxiety producing thoughts is important.

If your anxiety is a significant problem, you may just.

You may need to see your physician.

I always like that last part, that little suggestion, because, like, there's.

There are things that you can do to help yourself, like things like this.

But like, if you ever think that you are feeling a little overwhelmed, like, it is always my suggestion to seek professional help.

Whether that's a therapist, counselor, or a medical doctor, like always.

But anxiety.

Anxiety is a really good one.

I. I don't really deal with high levels of anxiety anymore, but I do deal with, like, mild anxiety.

Like, it usually comes in the form of only being able to concentrate on one thing at a time.

So, like, if I'm distracted by something, or like, if my husband is trying to talk to me while I'm, like, really busy and the anxiety is up because of, like, you know, all the things that I'm doing, then I'm like, I cannot talk to you right now.

I literally don't have the capacity to get snappy.

So the activities that help me decrease my anxiety are all of those things.

Deep breathing, exercising, meditation.

Except limiting sugar and caffeine.

Except because I am definitely a caffeine fiend.

And sugar.

I do try to limit sugar, but it's hard.

Yeah, I tried to limit sugar, too, but I fuck with sugar.

Yeah, for sure.

I hardly have anything with sugar in my house.

I have all, like, the sugar alternatives.

But activities such as deep breathing, there's a lot of really good exercises just to, you know, be mindful of your breath.

There's box breathing.

There is holding your breath.

I do box breathing all the time.

Frequently.

There's deep breathing, just conscious deep breathing.

There is holotropic breathing.

There's circle breathing.

There's so many different kinds.

You can breathe while doing pressure points.

You can breathe with intentions.

Breathing things in, breathing things out.

Out.

Yes.

That's a big one for combining with meditation or thought stopping as they put it on the card.

Yeah.

A couple others that decrease my anxiety, too, is journaling.

I'm not an avid journaler, but it's suggested all the time.

Like, on any wellness page or person who's suggesting, like, you should do this.

It's always, you should journal, which is.

It's.

It's kind of like a hard thing to practice if you're not used to it.

But I feel like every time I get into a flow of journaling, like, it's super helpful.

So if I'm ever anxious, I literally will, like, write it out.

Stream of conscious style.

Stream of consciousness style.

And there's even writing tactics where, like, you will set a timer for five minutes, write whatever's on your mind or on a certain topic.

And if you can't think of anything, don't stop moving your hand.

Like, just keep scribbling swirls or, like, just lines, lines, lines, and thoughts will come.

So there's like, a whole bunch of like different little writing techniques like that.

Writing is a whole.

Yeah.

Thing for anxiety on its.

In its own right.

But I also do like.

I go to sound baths.

I like to do wellness activities.

Ocean.

Ocean.

Show.

Nature.

Nature.

Yes.

Music.

So many music.

Yeah.

Should we pull another one?

Do you want to pull one?

This one?

Gathering of stones.

A walking meditation.

Take a quiet walk to an outdoor place you enjoy, such as a park, beach, or woods.

As you walk, pick up any small stones that catch your eye.

Stop long enough to examine each stone and as you find it, and give it a name based on what you are carrying right now.

For example, name each stone after qualities of the individuals whose loss you are grieving.

Name them after feelings or beliefs you hold about yourself right now, good or bad.

If a relationship is ending, assign each stone a memory or quality of that relationship.

Carry these stones with you.

When you arrive at your destination, arrange the stones into a design.

Spend time sketching what you made, or write a poem or a kind note to yourself on a scrap of paper.

Leave it behind with your stones with the intention that some other person who needs them might also read your words.

That's really cute and nice, but what I thought of when it was like, take the stones with you.

And when you arrive, and in my head, I was picturing myself, like, arriving at the ocean with all of these stones, and my brain was like, throw them in the water.

I like that a lot better, actually.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I. I had a friend one time tell me, trying to say this in a very vague way, but basically she would give people exercises where she would tell people to write the things that they don't like about themselves onto stones and then carry those stones in a backpack everywhere that you go and see how heavy it becomes after a while.

And I feel like you could do something similar with grief, like if you're thinking about all the things that you're grieving, or like that one said, can I see it really quick?

It says, where is it?

Name each stone after qualities of the individuals whose loss you are grieving.

So, like, if you were writing down something about, you know, your person, like, all their qualities, whether they're good or bad, and just everything that reminds you of them, you'd literally have a whole backpack full.

That's a lot of weight to carry around and actually kind of like your way.

This is beautiful too.

Like, you know, you're doing something with those words later on, but then.

You'Re.

Like, leaving the stones in an aspect.

Of like a pay it forward for somebody else, which I like that part.

I do.

Yeah.

I do like that.

But I actually really like what you said, too, because, like, it's almost like you can imagine it as sharing grief with the world.

And let's say, like, you did that exercise where you have, like, all these aspects of your grief or just things that you miss about your person, and you're carrying it around in a backpack and it's really fucking heavy, and you go to the ocean and you're like, you know what?

I think I'm going to throw a couple of these in the ocean today just for fun.

And then that backpack gets a little bit lighter, and it almost makes you smile because you're like, yeah, these are going in the ocean.

There's a lot of other rocks in there.

And I'm sure I'll find some other ones, but these ones I'll get rid of today.

Yeah.

And I feel like that's pretty cool.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah.

Nice exercise.

Okay.

Yeah.

I love these.

I really want to just look at this one really quick, just because.

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

It looks like it's a short one.

So it says, living with loneliness.

Loneliness.

Loneliness is an integral part of grief.

It is hard to accept and feel the loneliness of loss.

Consider filling some of the emptiness you feel with other people in activities such as volunteering or joining a support group.

Who would you consider part of your support network?

Is there a support group you might find and join?

What other activities could you engage in to combat loneliness?

I feel like this is perfect for the chapter that we just spoke about, because, yeah, we're entering the holidays, and the holidays can feel super duper lonely.

So being able to, I don't know, live with loneliness, like, it's.

Yeah, it's one of those things where.

Two things can exist at once.

So I think.

I think can be like, I. Yeah, I mean, I think this is a great suggestion.

And having the support network and support group and all of that stuff, like, yes, absolutely.

Like, that's, like, key.

But as far as, like, you know, like, with the holidays and stuff like that, I know that something that was, I guess, triggering for me in the sense where I was, like, at least in my, like, year one with my first round of holidays, like, I didn't want to be around a bunch of people doing holidays because everybody was, like, happy and, like, yay and gifts and that, and I just wasn't there.

And so I was angry, and I was like, no, I want to go home.

Like, I wanted to be alone because it's too.

Some Sometimes it's too much, like, too early, too much overwhelming, you know, I'm much better about it now.

I still have those feelings.

But I mean, like, year one, I was like, I gotta go.

Like, I don't.

Like, it's.

Yeah, it's overwhelming.

And so, you know, and I think that you need.

You need to take the time to live with loneliness because at the end of the day, like, we all die alone, you know, like, it is you yourself living life.

You go to bed with you in your head, like, you know what I mean?

And having that acceptance of all of you.

And I think loneliness is just a part of life.

And I think the more we learn to love all of ourselves, all the.

Aspects of ourselves, and that includes loneliness.

Then, like, it starts to feel not as uncomfortable as it might in the beginning.

Like, where I used to always feel like when I was alone or I was like, I. I feel like I have to be doing something, like, you know what I mean?

It's wrong that you're alone or whatever it is.

And now I'm like, I know what I need.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm like, no, I'm good.

I'm going.

Stay here by myself.

That was a choice, you know?

Yeah.

So, yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, I knew we needed to read that one.

Awesome.

Yeah.

So, yeah, if you guys have any questions about any of this kind of stuff or you want suggestions, like we said before, let us know.

Comment below.

We can send you links or guide you in the right direction if this is new to you.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you so much for watching and listening and whatever platform you're on, don't forget to, like, comment on it or like, or subscribe on YouTube and follow all our social medias.

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We love you so much.

Goodbye.

Okay, bye.