Hey, I'm Paige Killian, founder and CEO of everything

with style. I've built a business helping busy moms of

littles get organized in three simple steps. Like many of my

clients, I love being a mom. And I also desire more. If ever, you

felt that stirring in your heart, that whisper or really

loud voice that keeps you up at night. And I don't mean teething

toddlers and noisy teenagers, then you are in the right place.

Because this is not a solo mission. Whether you're a little

curious or totally ready to be a mom, boss, and use your God

given gifts to serve others, step into your calling, turn

your passions into purpose, and still make it to the carpool

line on time, then girlfriend, it's time to pivot. I've got

you. Now let's get started. Hey, hey, welcome back to the time to

pivot podcast, I am talking about something that might be a

little heavy today. But the good news is that when we talk about

the heavy stuff, we can kind of get through it together, we can

get to the other side of it. And let's just dive right in. So

today I want to talk about mom guilt. And if you are not a mom,

and you're listening, I think you probably might still be able

to apply this to other parts of your life because we're human

and guilt creeps in, it doesn't matter. As hard as you try to

extinguish that voice that makes you feel like, whoa, why would

you be trying something new? Why would you be doing that? Who are

you not grateful for what you already have? Whoa, how could

you put yourself above others? Or how could you put your self

and your needs in your life at

all when you've got these other responsibilities. So I don't

know how that's hitting you today. And if that's resonating

at all, but I'll just say some of us seasoned moms who have

been doing this for a little while I've got a 12 and an eight

year old i We are now approaching the teen years we

are in middle school still have a little in elementary school.

And I also remember those early days. Now listen, there's two

different ways I want to approach this subject today when

I'm talking about mom guilt, I want to approach it from the

standpoint of like, when we talk about doing something for

ourselves. There is a distinction between doing it

selfishly, and putting ourselves over others in a negative way,

prioritizing ourselves in that way. And then there's that

necessary part here that word please loud and clear. There's

that necessary part of doing something for ourselves because

we know it's actually going to benefit everyone. So I'm sure

you've heard that saying Happy wife, happy life. The idea

behind that is that when the wife, the woman also in this

case, the mom is feeling fulfilled. She then can give

more to others because her cup runneth over when she's being

filled. Now insert at the moment, whatever you might need,

that's gonna fill you up. Is it rest? The big joke was this is

my birthday weekend. And my girlfriend's I was at mom life

meeting this morning. My girlfriends were like, What are

you gonna do for your birthday weekend? And I was like, I'm

thinking I might take a nap. And they all laughed, because they

were like, yes, yes. Because sometimes you can feel guilty

for just saying I need to rest because you feel like you need

to go to the volleyball tournament, you need to show up

for the baseball game, you need to make sure you're at the play

and sitting on the front row with your camera running, oh my

gosh, my phone died during the play. And I didn't get the

videos and the photos that I wanted. There are times when you

feel like, Hey, I am working on something in my business. And

it's time to do something for myself that would then

contribute to my business. So it's not just this casual Oh,

Happy wife, happy life, give her what she needs, give her what

she wants, that she'll be nicer to everybody. Now. It's a much

deeper thing. And there are so many scripture references

throughout the Bible that talk about how it is okay to be

working on ourselves, not just for ourselves, but also for all

of the people around us. So if that's the people just sharing a

roof with you, right where you guys are family, you're related

to each other or if it's outside of you, and it makes sense for

you to work on things. things in your life, because you have big

dreams and big hopes of using your gifts to serve others. Why?

Then, when we get hit with that, does guilt step in and start to

steal our joy? Start to take over the excited feelings with

doubt. And you start to question, at least I do, I start

to question, can I do both? Can I show up for my family and also

show up for myself? By serving others by putting time and

effort and energy into my business? And am I going to be

dropping the ball simultaneously with my family? Do you have

those feelings of like looking at your family and being like,

wow, God, thank you, I am so blessed. I am so grateful for

what you've given to me. And are there also those feelings of

like, but is this it? Is this? Is this what I meant to do

forever? As far as I'm concerned, I feel like we're

always evolving. I feel like God's always putting stuff on

our hearts, we can either say yes, and go for it, we can

suppress that we can resist that. Because you know, the the

guilt comes in? Like, are you not going to be showing up the

way that you should? My dear friend and business coach Kelly

Mobic, she says don't should on yourself. It's not a good look.

Don't should on yourself, okay? And what she means by that truly

is, don't be saying like, Oh, I should do this, or I should do

that. Because let's consider this source. Who says you should

do that? Why do they say you should do that? Why are you not

doing that thing? Why are you making the choice to do that

thing? And we're going to talk on upcoming episodes about

gifts, what you've been given what you do with those? How do

you process that? What does that even mean? Is there also like a

spiritual gifting? Like, what, what about that, right? So

that's coming up. But I also feel like it's not just we need

to use our gifts to serve others. But we need to give

ourselves grace in the process. Because sometimes it feels like

that guilt is louder than the voice that saying, you should

step out of your comfort zone and do this thing. You should

get more comfortable with being uncomfortable, because I'm

calling you to great things. And if you're not doing it, because

you feel guilty that you're going to drop the ball in some

other area of your life, or you feel guilty and maybe you feel

like a super crappy mom, because you are desiring more. And you

want to be like, okay, you know, God, thank you for that. Like,

of course, my family is enough, I get fulfilled by them. Or, or

maybe even, it's another thing, maybe it's not so much your

family, I say I pulled the mom card, I pulled the family card.

And I say mom guilt specifically. Because I think

that that is the biggest sense of guilt. And I'm curious, if

when you were raised as a child, if you saw your mom putting her

guilt on you, and maybe it's not just your mom, maybe it's just

like some member of your family, or someone who's close to you,

you know, doesn't necessarily have to be someone who's related

to you, but it's someone who was a big influence in your life

growing up? Did they guilt you into doing things? Did you feel

like they were having their own thoughts and feelings? And then

they would put that on you and make you feel guilty? If you

didn't step up in the way that they thought that you should?

There's the S word again. Oh, so when we're kids, we're so

susceptible to those things that are going on around us because

we're still processing how to take control of our own thoughts

and behaviors and actions, right. So if we saw maybe

another family member, let's just stick with the mom example.

For now. Maybe we saw our moms doing something. And now we

think as adults. And as moms, we either should do that. Or we

should feel super guilty. If we feel like we aren't doing that

well or we aren't doing enough of it. Or we should just move

past that with a blind eye. Do you know what I'm saying? Like

almost like ignorance is bliss. Like we're gonna avoid that like

the plague because it's too heavy. And I'm not ready to

process all that. And I'm literally just surviving not

thriving right now. Like I'm just trying to get some stuff

done. Like I'm not even going to deal with trying to start

something new. Even if I keep thinking about it, keep hearing

about it. I'm not even going to deal with that right now.

Because there's this overwhelming sense of guilt that

I'm not going to be able to handle the stuff on the

homefront or wherever insert wherever this might be for you

that guilt is coming up for you. And you know I'm here to say, my

friend, honestly, my friend, if these feelings of guilt are

taking over, let's look at the source, are you feeling guilt

from a person? Because a person is human, a person is flawed,

which is okay, by the way, I'm flawed. I'm imperfect, so

imperfect, so flawed. Consider the source, if someone is taking

their stuff, their baggage, their beliefs, and they might be

really convicted about it, and almost might be like, like a

wolf in sheep's clothing. It almost might feel like someone

who means well, but they're inserting their thoughts and

beliefs on you. And it's making you feel guilty. So there's that

side of it, where we could be feeling that from an actual

person. And then there's that other side where we might be

feeling it from ourselves, we're putting the guilt on our own

selves. So what do we do with that? Because I think we will

have maybe these moments. I know, for me this, it goes in

waves, like sometimes I feel stronger about it, and more

convicted and be like, no, no, this is the path is what I'm

supposed to be doing. And then I have these lower moments where I

think like, Am I doing something that's self serving? Am I do I

need to feel guilty about wanting more, I believe that if

you want more, and you establish where it coming from, not just

like a person telling you, you should do this, or you should do

that. But if it's coming from a place of I want more, because I

feel like I'm gonna get to the pearly gates. And God's gonna be

like, hey, remember all these gifts that I gave you, and you

felt so guilty for pursuing them that you did it. And there's

this last time, and you could have been doing more, but you

felt so guilty, because you felt like, you shouldn't be pursuing

that because it felt selfish. I'm just here to tell you, it is

not a selfish thing. If you are getting these thoughts and

feelings of wanting more and wanting to pursue that there's a

reason. There's a reason and it's okay. And you don't have to

have it all figured out about like, why am I feeling this way?

Am I feeling it, because it's from a person who like put this

guilt on me as a kid or like, now as a parent, and they're

looking at me, and they're like thinking, I'm not doing a good

enough job as a parent, and that I should be doing something

different, or like, I shouldn't be going in indulging in these

other things that bring me joy, because that makes me a bad mom,

or an absent mom. Or I felt like I needed to get a nanny because

I needed extra help and support because I'm trying to accomplish

these other things. And I was feeling like, I just really need

some support in this. So I'm gonna hire a nanny. And then oh,

my gosh, do you feel the guilt heap upon you like, oh, I should

be doing those. I should be putting them to bed myself, I

should be changing all of their diapers I should be. I should be

cleaning my own house. Did you get a housekeeper? Or do you

feel guilty when you choose to get a housekeeper because you

need someone to come in and scrub some toilets and clean

some showers because you have other things that you need to

do. Or you have other things that bring you joy and bring you

live and get you fired up and you feel like you could show up

in the world as a better person when you don't have to think

about those things. I think about restaurant owners. And I

think there are so many moving parts to a really successful

restaurant is that restaurant owner, once he or she has

established their their restaurant and it is becoming a

success. And all of that is that person feeling guilty because

they have hired someone to come in at the end of the night and

do the deep cleaning because they want that A plus rating so

that people can come in and feel like they are eating in a in a

clean, safe place. There is no room for guilt there. Because

what they're doing is they're saying My gift is to serve in

this way. I'm the visionary. I'm the leader. I'm the head of this

company, this restaurant, this well oiled machine. So like this

could be you as the head of your family. This could be you as the

head of your business. We don't need to feel guilt, when we are

asking people to come in and help serve toward the greater

good of moving this forward. And if you need to hire a

housekeeper or a professional organizer, do you know how many

moms tell me they feel so guilty? Because their husbands

sorry, husbands? I just gotta throw you under the bus for a

second because this is something that I've heard in all of these

years that I've been a professional organizer. They're

like, Oh my gosh, my husband makes me feel so guilty because

I finally just said like, we need to hire somebody. We need

to bring Paige in to do this. And it's just too much and guess

what they do? They make them feel guilty because they're not

doing it themselves because they They, you should be able to do

this yourself, we should be able to do this as a family

ourselves, we should be able to get all this clutter out of here

and take it to where it needs to go. But guess what, you're not

doing it. And it's causing you overwhelm and it's causing you

stress, and it's causing you to fight in your marriage. It's

causing struggles between parents and teenagers, I get

called to work with a lot of teenagers, because hormones are

freaking them out, and they're going all over the place. And

what is the deal with a teenager or any child of any age,

honestly, hearing something, a great idea, word of wisdom from

their parent, and saying, Nope, I'm not gonna listen to that I

refuse. You don't know what you're talking about. And then

an outsider can come in, and they can say the exact same

thing. And then that kid is like, Well, yeah, okay, that

makes a lot of sense. And then they do it. What's the deal

with that? A quick reminder, you can now get my book in four

different ways. Head over to Amazon and search up, I've got

you girlfriend, the subtitle is why getting organized and living

this mom life is not a solo mission. You can find it there

on e reader. That's through the Kindle app, paperback,

hardcover, and the audiobook. So if you're enjoying this podcast,

I have a feeling you may love the audio book. Again, it's

called I've got you girlfriend, why getting organized and living

this mom life is not a solo mission. Thanks so much for

making it a best seller. And back to the show. Sometimes we

are so close to each other. And we love each other so much that

our hearts could literally explode at any moment. Because

we love that person. And we care about that person. And in our

desire for more, whether it's like getting organized and

cleaning something out, or it is a decluttered house, or it is a

better relationship and communication with the husband.

But you know that clutter is getting in the way and again,

just insert whatever is getting in the way for you at this

moment and apply this to your life? What's the deal with

bringing in an insider who is good at that, and that is their

gifting? Why do we feel guilty? Why do we feel guilty for asking

for help, if all that's gonna do is bring us closer to our end

goal. So if you are working through something right now, and

you're feeling like it is your time to pivot, it is your time

to be in transition and to make a change for the greater good,

whether that's for you, for your family, for the community, for

the world, for a company that you're working for, for a like a

hobby, or something that you're working on, that you're loving

and excited about and fired up about. But that guilt keeps

getting in the way for and I'm going to ask that you release

that today, I am going to ask that you release that. And you

remember that if you are being so called to do something,

whatever it is that's going on for you, and guilt is getting in

the way. We need to say goodbye to that. Because it's not

serving you. It's making you feel bad. Why do you think

you're allowing guilt to dictate your next move? Why are we

giving power to guilt? Moms, you're going to be a better mom,

if you say goodbye to the guilt. And you identify where are these

feelings coming from? Why am I feeling like this? And how can I

push past it because it's not serving me? It isn't. It's

getting in the way I'm going to talk about in future episodes.

what the deal is with like, living in that discomfort for a

little while, and just getting comfortable with being

uncomfortable. And guilt have a big hand in that. And I've just

want to just start with this episode. Now just to say, if you

could be bold, and you can say I'm going to take ownership of

these feelings that I'm having no matter where they're coming

from, whether it's the should, whether it's how you were

brought up, whether it's an internal struggle that you have

and you feel less than or you feel like by you wanting more

that you're saying that what you have you're not grateful for and

it's not enough that's not it. And you're going to remember

that those feelings of guilt are not serving you. They aren't

they are not. So stop. Can I just tell you I was literally

driving to meet my girlfriend's for my birthday dinner. And I

kept feeling bombarded I talked about it on the last episode.

And you guys I even wonder too. I was like, a little nervous. I

was like, do I just come right out and say I feel like I'm

under attack? Do I feel like I can share that right now with

this audience? I do. I'm just gonna tell you it's where I'm

coming from and literally feel like Satan is waging a war on me

because I'm about to lean into something that I'm really scared

about. I'm, you know, I'm nervous about. But I'm also

certain that he's putting these things on my heart because

there's a greater mission. And I'm going to stop feeling so

guilty about some of the components that I've got going

on in my own life. Maybe I'll share more with you a little bit

later hoof that's probably a whole other episode of I just

tell you all the stuff that's going on with me, but what I

want you to know, is that I am making the choice to take

ownership of my purpose and, and what it is that I'm supposed to

do. And I don't have to know everything right now. Okay, so

like, if you're just like, oh, girl, I know what my purpose is.

I feel like there's more, but I don't know what it is yet. Well,

then I want to just invite you to please reach out to me,

because you've got a friend in me and like, we can figure that

out together. But I also just want to say, Take responsibility

today for the fact that you have complete control over your

thoughts and your feelings. And if guilt is hanging out with you

everywhere you go, if guilt is sitting next to you, when you're

at dinner, and you're trying to enjoy a dinner with your family

or friends, and you just have all these yucky guilty feelings.

If there were a person in your life that came and sat down next

to you, and was talking negatively, and was making you

feel doubt and shame and discomfort, you're either going

to get up and walk away. Or you're going to ask that person

to stop or you're going to demand that that person stops.

Or you're going to allow that person to hang around and then

start dictating the way that you feel about yourself. What is

your choice today? I say this is what I did. I was driving, I was

driving to a little birthday get together or mom life gets

together. And I said, Satan, you have no place here. Get out of

my business. Get out of here, because he can't hear your

thoughts like God can hear your thoughts. So you actually can

say it out loud. Do you know that I learned that when I was

pretty young. And so sometimes when I get to that place where

the guilt is so loud, I'm just like, oh my gosh, I need to

actually verbally say out loud because he can't hear my

thoughts. I need to out loud say, you have no place here. Go

away. Talk to guilt like that. You have no place here guilt,

not gonna feel badly because I am desiring more. I might not

know what I'm supposed to do right now. But I know, I'm not

going to listen to you anymore. And I'm going to invite people

into my life who want to support me, whether that's someone who

is taking some stress off of me, because they are helping me

clean my home. And I believe that's important. Whether it's

hiring someone to help with your finances, maybe that's a major

struggle, and you feel guilty, because you feel like you should

know how to balance a checkbook, handle your finances, get bills

in on time and paid. I know what that stress is like, I know what

it's like to feel like, oh my gosh, I'm an adult, why don't I

know how to do this, that's embarrassing. And then you don't

want to reach out to somebody because you feel like, I'm gonna

look like I'm an adult that doesn't know what she's doing.

And then I feel guilty that I didn't like learn how to do some

of those things. And now I'm in this weird place. Do you need to

hire a financial advisor? Do it? Do it today. If you don't know

where to find these things, pull up your phone, look on Google

and say, How do I find a financial advisor? You're going

to be bombarded with a list. Ask someone in business who you

think has their act together, who they use? Do you have a good

recommendation for blah, blah, blah, whether that's a

housekeeper a babysitter? Whether that's like I said a

financial planner, whether that if you don't know something

about maybe like insurance, that's a specific thing that

maybe nobody taught you. So why would you not tap into somebody

else where that's their major skill set, and give them an

opportunity to serve you to to give them an opportunity to let

them use their gifts? And can I just tell you this beautiful

thing that happens when you get out of guilt. When you get out

of that yucky mindset that makes you feel like garbage? And then

you ask for help. You are giving that other person who's helping

you a gift, because you're allowing them to use their gifts

to serve you. And you know what happens? Not only do you make

that person feel loved and needed and like they're being

helpful, and like they're using their strong suits to serve,

they're using their giftings to serve you. You start feeling

better. Happy wife. Happy Life. Happy Mom. Happy everyone. Happy

employee. Happy business. Do you see how those things go hand in

hand? Ask for help. Say goodbye guilt. I'm gonna take control of

these feelings. I'm gonna Identify where they're coming

from. And then I am going to straight up say, You have no

business here.

Can I just tell you the freedom, this like crazy sense of peace

that surpasses all understanding that came over me when I

probably looked like a crazy person who cares, driving in my

car and talking out loud, I muted whatever podcast episode I

was listening to. And I said, You have no business here. Get

out of my life, get out of my business, I have work to do. And

you're in my way. So I hope you find your voice and identify it,

verbally process it, and then say it out loud. And then go

find help. Go find the help you need. And that will allow other

people to share their gifts with you. And what a beautiful thing.

Thank them, because it's going to make you feel better. It's

going to take some pressure off of you. But I'm going to end it

right here. And just remind you, that we are going to together

say goodbye to mom guilt, or any sort of guilt that's coming up

for you because it's not serving you, and you have big things to

do. And I am cheering you on. I hope you have a wonderful rest

of the day and come back for the next episode. We're going to

talk about some gifts and what we do with those. All right, I

will talk to you then. Bye bye. Thanks for listening to another

episode of the time to pivot podcast. If it was helpful for

you, I'd love for you to head over to Apple podcast. Hit that

fifth star and write a review. Want to book me to speak at your

next event or work with me one on one to get clarity around

your gifts, how to serve others and go from stuck and stressed

to focused and fulfilled. Reach out on the contact page at

everything was style.com and connect with me on social at

everything with style mom. Thanks again for listening and

sharing the podcast and mom boss. Remember this. Your gifts

are meant to be shared. Don't keep them to yourself and stay

in your comfort zone. This is your time to pivot