If you followed along for any bit of time, um, you know what my thoughts are on the, the high ticket coaching space on coaches in general, on mentorships, on Mastermind. It's the fact that like there are some gems out there, but they're very rare and most of the time people are just in it to make a quick buck, don't actually care about the people who they're serving out of congruence, if you will. And I have the beautiful pleasure to be here in Mexico City with someone who I think embodies the word congruence very, very well. And Mr. Allen Butts the no bullshit. Relationship coach now to, to a lot of people, no bullshit could mean a lot of different things, but to me it means congruent. It means you wake up, you think certain things and you act on them. You say certain things and you make sure that you do them. Your thoughts match your words, match your action. So I am, I'm just, I'm just stoked to be here, man. Alan, welcome to the show. Thanks, man. I'm excited to be here. It's my first guest podcast. So I'm, I'm really stoked about having, having, having on, dude, I'd imagine it's the, I'd imagine it's the first of many, bro, because we've had the privilege to off camera a bunch be, be chopping it up. Both you giving me some coaching, me giving you some coaching on social media. And I think it was about time that we really, really did something proper, not only just for the podcast, but also for the social media as well. Because someone like you, that message just has to get out there, man. Like, just the, the way that you carry yourself with the passion and the energy, it, it's something that I think can infect a lot of people in a good way. 'cause energy is infectious, so. For those of you that that don't know, Alan, for those listeners that don't know Alan, give us a bit of a rundown, man. Like give us some background on who you are and, and what you do and how you help your clients. Um, I mean, really I just bridge the gap from who they are to who they need to be in order to get the goals. You know, whether it's with dating or in the relationship, or avoiding divorce or separation or getting back from somebody they love or, you know, it's, it's doing the things that need to be done. 'cause it's not the thing they can't think of. It's the thing that they didn't know was an option. Mm. They just don't know how to get there and they're throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. They're trying everything they can, but really they're like treading water. So they're either feeling anxious or hopeless. Like there's just so many things they don't know to pick from, or they have nowhere, like nobody can help 'em. Or they think they're too special to be helped, or they have all these false beliefs inside 'em. They just can't get over the hump. They have to change the way they think. They have to change the way they act. They have to, they, they have to be congruent, like, to your point, like they're not living the life they need to live. And I help 'em figure out what is that? Like I ask the hard questions, I pull it out of 'em, you know, it gets emotional, but you know, nobody else is gonna get 'em there or ask them in the way I do. And, and that's what separates me, man. Like what got me to coaching was actually, I was working at a cigar bar, spoiler alert, like the cigars guys. Um, aficionado. Yeah, aficionado. Um, and a guy walked in the bar and I was like, oh, welcome. You know, popped open his beer, like cut a cigar, handed it to him. I was like, what do you do? And he was like, I'm a relationship coach. I was like, what? What's that? And he was like, yeah, I have like a one 800 number that people call and I charge him four or $5 a minute. And like, I keep him on as long as I can. I was like. Oh, you're a bad guy. Like you're, you're not helping people. Mm. And my background is in business with a concentration in marketing and communication. So I remark you, rebrand you to the audience of one, the person you wanna be with, and I teach you how to communicate 'em, talk to 'em how they wanna be spoken to. And then we use leverage from business on how to negotiate, how to persuade, how to do these things, how to set goals, how to hit 'em, like how to even qualify 'em, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and, and putting in the work like, 'cause the work needs doing. But they don't know what work needs done. So I help 'em figure out what is that? And it's different for everybody, but it's a really white glove approach where I help you understand what it is you need to do, how to get there and feel good about it along the way, even when it's tough love sometimes you just like, you've done with me, man, you, you, you gotta tell me. Like, oh, have you posted? And I'm like, nah, you know? And it's like it didn't matter what the excuse was. And that's why I like working with you, man. 'cause like. You didn't allow me to have my excuses, my comfort zone of like not doing the thing. And, and it's between you and, and Laben telling me like, you gotta tell the story. You gotta get out there. And like, one of the things I hate are all these coaches in my niche that are like, go no contact. Mm. But what the fuck was I doing with social media? What was I doing with my content? No contact. Ah, they'll find me. They'll just come to me. Just don't talk to my audience or the people that I know I can help and change their lives. I wasn't congruent. Yeah. This is why I feel good about being on the podcast and helping my clients and getting my message out there and just, you know, I'm not scared. I'll say anything. Yeah. Like, like, I'm not scared, man, because like now I'm living it. And before I was coming up with excuses not to be that, you know, like before I was the guy who had the company that did the coaching, now I'm the relationship bro. Now I'm the fucking brand. And I like it. It, it makes me feel stronger. Like, like not egotistical, but like. I am not just helping people, I'm the man who can help you. Mm-hmm. Like I can show you, one of the biggest things people used to ask is like, how do I be like you? And I was like, you don't wanna be like me. They like, they that will help you. Yeah. I, I excuses. Right? But then I was like, it's just 'cause I, I didn't think people would resonate with me or, mm. They didn't care about my story or it didn't have to be told, or like, it wasn't important. Like it was just negative self-talk and like. Not believing like I believed in me. Like I love me, so me, you know, but like, I, I didn't, I didn't get myself to the point where I needed to be. Um, and now I, I feel really good about being there. Like, I, I feel like I hit the stride, dude. I think, I think anybody who's gone from putting up a facade and trying to be someone they're not, to being somebody. Who's really living their truth will tell you that the more you try to resonate with people, the less you actually resonate with people, and the more you just be yourself and you wake up and live in that congruence. Like people just, it's magnetizing, bro. And it's amazing. And that's, that's what I think is so cool about your coaching is, and especially in the, the relationship each, what I hear a lot is like, just say this line and then they'll come to you and it's like, to me it's like that you, you, you just. You picked good wrapping paper and gave a shit present. You know what I mean? Like you want the present to be good. If the wrapping paper can be good, I mean awesome as well. But like the actual product and the actual person that's doing the thing is what's more important. And I think that you really help build those people into who they need to be as opposed to just giving them a like, Hey bro, go, go neg her. Or go, go do this line and stuff. And it's interesting, bro, because I went through a breakup about almost two years ago and you would've been the exact person I would've wished I knew during, during this, um, and, and. You say, 'cause if, if anybody has looked into like breakup psychology, like you're, you're a dude or you're a girl and you're going through a breakup and you're strolling on YouTube and you look up how to get your ex back or like how to get her to come back, the first thing that they say is like. No contact, like don't talk to her. And to me like it makes sense, like, you know, you don't wanna be needy, you don't want to, you don't want to like be pestering and annoying. But like Alan's the first person that told me, and granted we met a year and a half after I went through the breakup. I wasn't interested in making any piece of contact at this point, but Alan said no contact is bullshit. Can you explain why that is and your philosophy behind that? Yeah, man, I just think you have so much leverage if you know how to use it. Like if you know their behavioral patterns, if you know when they like to talk, if you know what, they like to talk. If you know how to talk to them, if you know how to be interesting, if you know how to use storytelling like they tell you to do no contact 'cause it's easier. They're like, oh, just do this thing. Just pay me 10 grand and don't talk to 'em for 30 days. Literally nothing. Yeah. If you do that, like, because here's the thing, the psychology behind it is like, like if somebody died, people don't talk shit about the dead. And the more time that passes, if you've ever lost somebody, you only think about the good. So when the relationship happens, the more time that goes by, the more they try to remember the good things about the relationship, not the negative things. Mm. Where where the breakup happens, they're only thinking about the negative. So time does work in your favor. And there's definitely times where I'm like, you're not ready to contact them. But there's also like, like I've gotten people back in two hours, two texts, two weeks, two months, two years. The timelines are different depending on the situation and how much leverage you have. Sometimes they're just not ready. Sometimes they're not enough pain. Sometimes they gotta hurt a little bit more to fucking grow. And that's okay. Everybody goes at their own pace, but the ones who are really all in and, and don't fuck around, they get the best results. Man. Like, like I've had clients, like I've had millionaire clients that make me write every text that don't take it serious. It it, it's like what you say, like, like the wrapping paper's. Good. Yeah. But play it out a couple steps. Alright. You got 'em back. Now what? It's an infinite game. Mm. It's not a finite game. But what they do is they put these rules and beliefs and other things that people tell 'em, like what they need to do on their own life and situation instead of being themselves. Mm. They don't really know what they want. So they can't judge it. They hate the outcome. They, they have no, no pacing, like they want everything right now. It's the instant gratification. But once you understand, I can't have it right now, and Deservingness doesn't fucking matter. 'cause there's plenty of people that don't deserve to have a girl. They have. And there's plenty of people that deserve to have somebody great and have, I never had nothing. So it's not about deservingness, it's about understanding. It's about willingness to fail and learning. That's what's gonna get 'em there. A hundred percent bro. So how, how can you tell, 'cause you said some people shouldn't do no con or some people shouldn't contact their ex, other people definitely should. What's that difference? Like, what do you look for in a person to say like, okay, this person should definitely be contacting them, or like, this dude's not ready to, what's that? What's that difference? It's varying degrees of what they've gone through and like where their person's at and like what leverage do they have? So like, let's say like, oh, you and your girl have a kid. Hmm. And I'm not saying leverage children, that's not what I'm here to say, but I'm saying you have a reason to contact. So what you need is justified and a justified communication, a reason to reach out. Hmm. And then it's how you leverage it. Once you open the door of the conversation, how do you become interesting? How do you talk to them about what they wanna talk about? The thing is, when the breakup happens, you're so consumed by your own selfish needs and greed that you want to do the thing and you want it so fast that you're blinded by the thing that you should actually be doing. Like I said, it's not. It's not what you could do or what you think you could do. It's the thing you didn't even know is a fucking option. That's the path. It's not the path to least resistance, it's the path of most leverage. Mm. Like I can go down to the florist, grab a fucking like sunflower, my wife's favorite flower, buy it for $2. Walk back home, give it to her, write two sentences on a little sticky note, give it to her, and I'm probably gonna get laid tonight. Leverage. Really small input, big output. So finding leverage when somebody's going through a breakup or dating or in their marriage or in their relationship, or to avoid their divorce is breaking down. What are your communication patterns? And a lot of my high-end clients, they're successful businessmen. And the thing is, they're writing texts like memos. Mm-hmm. They're, they're, they're, they're treating their relationship like the company. And it's like, they're like, they have this bravado and fucking ego. 'cause they're like, ah, when she sees what she's missing or like, she'll come back to me like, you gotta humble yourself, bro. You can't be that big headed and grow. You gotta understand, like if you don't meet her where she's at and talk to her how she's being, how she wants to be spoken to, you're gonna, all your messaging is gonna fall on deaf ears. You have to learn. And that's hard. Wow. It's a hard pill to swallow. Do you think that? Everybody should try and get back with their ex? Or are there certain people? 'cause I mean, from experience, dude, like I would've, I would've taken your program and I would've like executed it religiously if you would've caught me at the right time and I would've probably been able to succeed based off of your teachings. But fast forward two years, I'm like, happy that that didn't happen. Like, you know, you know what I mean? So is it all really about getting the X back or is it, is it bigger than that? It is way bigger, man. Like. The thing is the, the irony, right? So one of the niches is, is getting back together with your eggs. But out of those clients, about 30% have the opportunity to get them back and decide they no longer want 'em. Mm. The thing is, when you grow, you change. So like when you, when you go, when you're down here, you're at rock bottom and you've done all these things or whatever, you know, we're exactly where we are based off the decisions that we've made in our lives. So when you're here. And then you go through the program, you get built up and then you're up here. Well, they were down there with you. Mm-hmm. And then you have to make a decision. Do you wanna pull them outta the hole or do you wanna find a new person? Mm-hmm. And sometimes they try to pull 'em out. Sometimes they can. It depends how strong their leadership skills are. It depends like, like what's the level of resentment, how much bad has happened? Like what are you fighting for? Are you fighting for your family? Like the more they have to lose, the harder they fight. It's like, let's say you were in a one year relationship with a girlfriend and then you've leveled up so much and you go to get her back. Well, there's not enough meat on the bone. You, you probably don't want that thing anymore, but that's okay. I don't tell my clients what to do in terms of like, like there's no judgment. Like whatever. You're a grown ass man. Whatever you decide is what you decide and I'm gonna help you achieve it. So if, if you want the garbage, I'll help you get the garbage. But if you want the Lambo, I'll help you get the Lambo. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's this, it's the decision. You know, the root word of decision is de arias to kill off. So it's like, what version are you, are we killing off? Is it the version that wants the trash, the version that wants the Lambo? And I go, I can help you get either one. And, and I'm not saying that all Xs are trash, that's not what I'm screaming. Right. But, but it's, it's realizing was it a toxic relationship? Do they have the traits, the skills, do they match? Do they check all the boxes? Mm. Like, is this really who you wanna spend your life with? Or is this the person you're seeking approval from and feel like you need to get 'em back to validate your own fucking feelings? Fuck. It kinda hurts when you hear like that. It's powerful, dude. It's powerful. Speaking of checked boxes, we had the privilege to talk, uh, a few days back over dinner, and you had mentioned that you had an insanely long list of boxes to check Yeah. Uh, before you met your wife. And I don't wanna steal too much of your Thunderbird, but can you tell us the story of like how you created those boxes going through everything and, and how, how, how it led you to where you're at today? So this is Future Allen, and it, it's talking to him and saying, who are you gonna end up with? Who is this person? What do they look like? What do they feel like, what attributes they have, what characteristics, what skills, what traits? Like there was only one woman on in the universe, not even earth, just like aliens. You add anything else in there, you know, like there was only one person that could put up with the person I am. Mm-hmm. I'm fucking tough to love and, well, I'm not tough to, I'm tough to be with like. In a marriage because I'm willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to get to the place I want to get to. So like other people might say, you work too much, you have no work life balance. You need to do other things. You're a bad dad. You don't give your wife enough attention, you don't like, they would judge me and that's fine. They're, they can have whatever opinions they want, but the same negative opinions that they give me are the things that she praises me for daily and positively reinforces my actions to get to where I need to be. Like. It's not negative to her. It's, it's high fives and hugs and ass slapped is when I, when I get to the place I need to be and that she sees the people I'm helping and sees like, like laser focus, you know, people say like, you're obsessed because they mislabel focus. Mm-hmm. Because they're unable to do those things in their daily lives. So to like, to be an apex husband, to be up here to really climb the ladder, you have to do, you have to do the unscalable to scale in business and relationships in whatever it takes. But you have to have a person that supports you. I don't ask her for permission and I don't have to. Mm-hmm. I don't need her for happiness. She doesn't need me. We share our happiness. We make agreements. We hold each other accountable. We push each other. That's love. It's not because she's high. It's not because it's, it's not because of the external, it's the internal. Because if there was any pushback, if you didn't check one of the boxes, it's the willingness to walk away. Just like in business, if you could walk away from the deal, like the whole deal's, great. If it wasn't for that one thing, you know, like thousands of dates I had to go, could have been it disqualified, but it was a willingness for me to disqualify all of 'em until I found her traveling the world. Looking all over, getting out there, like putting in the the reps man. Like the thing is I've seen more people put more time into figuring out what car they wanna buy than who they wanna marry. It's fucking ridiculous. Oh shit, dude. Like, like. You are more worried about what you drive and how people view you and what's on your feet or what you're wearing than the person who's gonna judge you or support you or benefit you the most in your entire lives. And then you're wondering why your shit's not working. It's not a surprise, not to me. Yeah, dude, you, you said something really powerful in there that, that I took with me, where it's like you don't have to change yourself to mold into someone else's viewpoint of who they want you to be. It's finding that person that pats you on the back and slaps your ass for the stuff that the wrong people would've condemned you for. Yeah. It's really finding that person. But I, I agree, dude. I mean, I, you've inspired me, bro. I've been working on my list since I, since I got down here, bro. And I wanna make the big list because you can make a huge list, have massive standards. All you need is one. All you need is one person to check all of those boxes. But it takes time to think about those boxes. 'cause you can't just like wake up one day and you're like, oh, I want this. And then expect it to be perfect. Yeah. And, and I feel like there's two facets to it and feel free to disagree or, or push back on this at all. But I feel like there's, you need to know what you want and then you gotta be worthy of having it. 'cause so people, oh, they'll love me for me, but like wake up at. 10:30 AM every single day. Go to sleep at 2:00 AM and play Fortnite all day. Like, do you really deserve all the boxes that you checked? Like it's twofold. That's the way that I view it. That's a good point. And it's not that I disagree, I just like, it's not really about, I don't think it's deservingness. 'cause there's, there's plenty of people that don't deserve the things they have and they have it. There's plenty of people that deserve more and they don't have it. Like people that get cancer don't deserve to get cancer. People like, we don't always end up with what we deserve to have. But we always end up with what we work for if we don't quit. Hmm. So like it's not really do I deserve the thing? The thing is, if that's how you live your life, then those are the actual boxes. You just lied about your boxes and then you get the garbage you got and then you're really upset with yourself because you settled. It's the reason I found my wife, who is fucking one of one, was because I was willing to never find her. Hmm. I didn't wanna find her. Like, don't tell her that. But like, like I was willing to never have a kid to die alone and build my empire. 'cause that's what I wanted. And if somebody wasn't on board with that, they're not my circle, they're not my team. They gimme pushback. I don't wanna associate with you and I gotta a rough past. You gotta be able to accept it. It's not who I am now, but I definitely was, I wasn't always the best. You know, it's, it is not all rainbows and sunshine, but it's like, it, it, it's. It's the willingness to never have and the relentless pursuit of the thing. It's, it's not knowing and being okay that you don't know. Like that, that's the hard part. Like, and then showing up every day, not knowing if it's gonna work. It's same thing. Entrepreneurship, you know, Hermo talks about it. We talk about it like, like. It's, it's, it's like running a marathon, but you don't know where the finish line is. You don't know if you're gonna get there, and you don't know if there's water, and you don't know if it'll ever end. You don't. It's disassociating yourself with the reward. I didn't find her for the reward of having her, but I wasn't going to rob myself of the opportunity of finding her by looking all over the fucking planet, by going on the dates, by fi, by doing my best. I wasn't gonna do myself a disservice, and I definitely wasn't gonna be dumb enough to turn it down when I found it. Hmm. You said you went on a thousand dates, bro. At least. At least. How did that, how did that shape your viewpoint of women of dating, of relationships? Because I mean, if you do a thousand of anything, especially a thousand different women on dates that you're meeting and having conversations with, I can't imagine that that wouldn't have an impact on you. Like how did that shape your viewpoint? You get really efficient. Like, and I'm not saying I used women to be efficient, like, like I, I wasn't womanizing them. I was very upfront and honest. So basically in, in a business sense, like I would use my dating profiles like ad copy, like a landing page. So I, I picked the, I picked the pictures that describe me. My ad copy is written with a call to action. It has a hook, it has things about me that would disqualify 'em. If they saw that these pictures and they saw this ad copy didn't matter. You had to be able to walk away from the hot ones. You could be like, ah, bro, she's so hot. Like, there, there's no, there's no wiggle room. Like you have to stay consistent in the journey and remember what you're looking for. You know, I'm not looking for the one night stand. I'm not looking for the hookup. I'm looking for the woman who can support me on my journey and hoping like hell, I don't find it. 'cause I wanted my own path. I wanted to fucking burn the boats. I wanted to take over myself. Like I didn't, honestly, I didn't think I needed the support. I got wrong. Like the way that she has help for me into the fucking person, the relationship bro, wouldn't have been real without her. I would've not made it to where I am. I wouldn't be on this podcast. If I didn't have her believing in me, I just didn't think I had this, this false belief, right, where I was like, I don't need anybody. Like I'll do it myself. I always have, you know, but like humbling myself, being vulnerable, asking for help, not seeking approval, sharing the happiness, it builds you into this fucking person like that you didn't even know was in there being a father. Like, accomplish these, these are accomplishments that weren't on my bucket list. And even when we talked about kids, I was like, I don't want 'em. And she was like, well, I don't wanna be robbed of being a mother. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I'll give you a son. She was like, you don't know to be a son. I was like, I don't make girls. Like, dude, I'm so happy I didn't have a girl. Like it would've been so unfair, like it would've been the worst. And, um, but, but it's understanding the frame of reference of like, don't rob yourself of the opportunity when you find it, look for it, even if it's not the thing that you want. Putting in the work every day. So like the a thousand dates is work. Yeah. Like, I, I don't care what anybody says. Like, it's, it's not even, it, it, it's, it's a qualification process. It's like, imagine you had your ideal dream client. What are you willing to do to find them? And what if they didn't wanna work with you when you got there? Could get better. It'd be fucking let down, you know? So like every day, like I have to do the things, I have to put in the reps, I have to go to the places like. Like, like I said, it's funnel, it's ad copy. It's a joke. It's qualifications, it's pictures, it's call to action. Then it's script. The, the conversations were scripted. I'm sorry for anybody out there that wanna date with me. It was, it was scripted because I had to know that they were, they, they were qualified for the coffee date, which is a low interest meetup. They're like, oh, a coffee's not good enough that I don't wanna fucking meet you if you can't sit down and have a fucking coffee or a tea or, or just talk to me, oh, you need me to buy you something? You're, you're already, you're already disqualified. Right. It's a checkbox. So like along the way they had to check the boxes. The irony was when you do a thousand reps of something, I knew on the first date that Jess was the one. Mm. And like, this is no bullshit. Like, I'm not having, it's not, it's not something I make up, it's not something I say for the story. I, I have receipts, so the date supposed to be a coffee meetup, 20, 30 minutes. Like I had restrictions on my own shit. Like I, I, I was efficiently, like this is how it looks. But we got there immediately. Both put our phones away on silent do not disturb. Eye contact, laughter. Like, I remember seeing her walk like past the glass, and I was like, that's not her. Like, like that's, that's, that's not, that's not her. And I was like, fuck, why didn't I wear a better shirt? Like immediately I was like, I was like, damn it. And you know, like I, I got her coffee. It was a, a, a toffee nut at Starbucks. I knew exactly like, I remember it, man. Like these, these moments like stick out in my brain. Like they're, they're stamped in there. And we were there for four or five hours. Way over the time limit. You would hate it. You hate being late. I was late to everything. Everything got pushed. Nothing was important as that moment because I didn't know if I was gonna get another one. Mm-hmm. I was so fucking greedy and selfish like that. I didn't wanna leave, but I knew I had to like, not only 'cause like Starbucks was closing, but like I was like, fuck, I gotta build intrigue for a second date. Like, I need to retain, I need, I need to do the next thing. I need to go to the next step. And I remember I was in the Uber. I'm on the way back home. I was living in Mexico City at the time, um, and I was riding back to my boy Nick. We lived together at the time, and he text me, he was like, how'd the day go? I said, fucking terrible. He said, why? He said, this is the woman I'm gonna marry the game's over. The chase is done. No more dates. Wow. He read it at my wedding, after his speech. I knew from the fucking moment, but if I didn't put in the work for years, the reps on the dates. The checklist. If I didn't like dude, the amount of shit people gave me, you're gonna die alone. You're never gonna have a son. You should settle. That's just them pushing their beliefs on me 'cause they're not willing to do the work. I would rather die by my own sword. I would rather die alone than fucking settle for what's less than my wife kill me. Like that's how important it was. It has to be. If it's not. What are you doing? Nah, that's, that's really inspirational, bro. Like, I can, I, I can, I can feel how you feel about that and I'm sure that the, the people watching on and, and even in the audio can also feel this, like, this is like, that's real. And I think that one of my beliefs that I have is that monetary and financial success as a man is your duty. Like it's a measure of competence and you should have it, but what you just described. It is the true measure of success because I've, I've met so many successful people that don't have that, that you sit down to dinner with 'em and they say, oh, my fucking wife this, or, oh yeah, that whatever. Yeah, yeah. I'm not thinking about going to see another girl and the relationship is crumbled. I think that the only way that you get that, and you keep that is by, you get that by putting in the reps in, but you keep it by keeping that same energy that you did on the first date when she walks by you in that window and you say, fuck that. That ain't her, that. And keeping that energy every single day, which I think a lot of people can't do. But I mean, just the, the way that you speak about her behind, behind their back to me is, is that's all I need to hear, to know that, like, that, that's something real bro. So how do you, how do you keep that energy throughout the entire time instead of just being like, wow. Because a lot of people can wow them on the first date and, you know, try and win 'em over and then once they've won 'em over, it's like the game is over. And that's candidly, bro, what's, what's held me back in the past? How do you, how do you keep that same energy? How do you do in business? You, you, you gotta kill the complacency and fall in love with the process. You, you have to do check-ins. You gotta keep a pulse on your relationship. You, you gotta, you gotta put in more effort, man. Like that. That's the real key. Like, if my wife walks by me, I'm grabbing her ass. I'm pulling her in. I'm giving her a eight second hug. I'm not letting go. She doesn't want me to. It's, it's just, you know, she, she works, she worked remote for a long time and like every morning. I would wake up before her, I would grab my little note, the pad, like a little Marvel sticky note, something like whatever, nerdy shit. And I would write something specific every day, not generic, something that was real, something that maybe I'm struggling with, just being vulnerable. And then I would like hide it like in her lunchbox, in her pocket. I would slip it in her like, like somewhere. And throughout the day, later she would find it. And like I choke it up every day, man. It's like. You are able to give him a piece of you. That's how you fight for it. I'm lucky, man. It's being able to look at the future. It took me so long to meet her that I'll be fucking stupid to let a day go by where I don't fight. That's the reality of it. It's understanding. That's why I fight. So my clients, man, it's like I see them losing the battle that I know how to win. That's what drives me to help him as much as I can. I can solve the problems. It is not about the money. The money is only exchanged to hold them accountable and so that I can give them my all. If there's no transfer, I can't half ass it. I gotta know you're in. I gotta know you won, and I gotta know where the fuck you're after. If I can't pull that outta you, I can't help you. If you're not willing to give it up, then you're not my person. But it's, it's not crying after you lose it. It's crying 'cause you fucking got there. It's the victory behind it and living it every day. It's praising her when she gets home. It's supporting her. It's getting up at fucking 2, 3, 4 am when the baby's crying to make the bottle so she doesn't have to. It's doing the unscalable every day. It's giving up time with my family to help my clients to feed them. It's the things nobody else will do. That I fucking live for. That's who the fuck I am. It's hard and you're never rewarded for it and nobody gives a fuck and it doesn't matter 'cause that's not why you do it. That's what it is. I feel that, man. It's gotta be rewarding, bro. It's gotta be really rewarding. It's something I hope to, I hope to have one day myself. It's rewarding like for how you feel, but nobody praises you for it. But you don't do it for the praise. People that do things for the reward and the praise are doing it for the wrong reasons. That's selfish. If you're selfish in your relationship, are the fuck you in the relationship? Like I gave everything to find her. Why would I not keep giving it once I have her? Like I would die for her. I would kill for her like. You don't. The thing is, most people don't realize what they have until they lost it. They're not able to appreciate it. I can just sit there and look at my wife and be happy. Not because she's beautiful, because I see us on the porch at 90 and I'm smoking my stogie, drinking my tea, and just looking back on the life that I fucking built for us and being proud of it. That's what I look at, man. It's, it, it's seeing and it's being able to look back at the memories and the shit that we've done. And the places we've traveled and like our son like that we raised, like there's so many things, man, but most people are too blinded by these fears and insecurities, the things that aren't even real that don't matter. The things that are really scary, man, when I lost my friend Max, he's 25 years old and died at house fire. That kept me up no nights thinking it would happen. I used to be worried about the dumbest shit that didn't matter until you're hit with some like real shit that like takes you out like. I think that's the only time I didn't coach. 'cause I couldn't even see, I didn't know what way was up. I bought a one way ticket to Thailand and just like, I'm never coming back. I haven't like, I mean I visited, but like I don't live there. Like back home I was, I felt like I was too big for that town. And I'm not trying to be egotistical. It just wasn't my people, it wasn't my tribe, it wasn't my support. I had to go out there and find it. But you find it in the woman that you love. You build your team, you build your circle. But if you fail, it's on you, bro. Like you can't give up. Like what do they say? You know? Success leads to complacency. Complacency leads to failure. Failure leads to learning. Learning leads to success. You have to fucking cut out the complacency as much as you can. That's where keeping the fucking finger on the pulse of the relationship is so important. 'cause complacency fucking kills you, dog. But I'm not any better than anybody else. I don't. It, it's like Hermo says, I just don't have the off button when it comes to my life, wife, when it comes to my business, when it comes to what I'm willing to do, what I'm willing to sacrifice, you sacrifice what you want, or what you want becomes the sacrifice. If you can't fucking give it up, like you don't deserve the thing if, if you, if you can't quit eating the donuts, you don't get the body. Yeah. If you can't, can't quit being a fuck boy, you don't get the girl. If you can't quit playing Fortnite, you're not gonna get the business like, because. We vote with our time and our dollars on the things that are really fucking important to us. And when people ask me like, like say I having a work life balance, like as much as I love my wife and my son and my family, I give up time with them to help other people. It's what I really love more. I've had the coaching longer than I've had them. The business comes first 'cause that's what fucking feeds us. Then we're parents, then we're best friends. I can resonate with that a lot, man. The, um, the, once you find the one that checks all the insane boxes after testing out a thousand others and you're like, oh my God, this is really, really the one, I can resonate with that because I want, like, I want the family, bro. Like I want to, I wanna build what I didn't have growing up, and I know you do too, bro. It's real shit. And I resonate big time with what you're saying, but I'm curious if, if I were somebody. Who didn't respect women, sort of like a womanizer. And I was like, Hey bro, like all I want is just like a bitch who can cook and clean and fuck. What do you say to someone like that? Because I've had a lot of people in my ear saying that that's the way for, for businessmen, for high level men, for alpha males. That, that's the way to go, dude. Like as long as she shuts the fuck up and cleans the house and cooks me dinner and she's hot, like that's all I care about. What do you have to say to someone that that's their ideology around relationships? I mean, that's just not my ideal client man. Like I wouldn't even waste my brother time with him. 'cause like I can't change those beliefs and what they actually think. And I wouldn't even try be a waste of my fucking time. Like that's somebody who's so stuck in their own ways. Like they wouldn't vibe with me also. Like that's exactly what they're gonna end up with. And they won't feel satisfied with that. And at the same time, like most of the things you're talking about, you could buy, you could buy sex, you could buy, you could buy a cleaner. You could buy those things. Like you can't buy what I got. Mm-hmm. You can't rent it, you can't buy it, you can't loan it, you can't lease it, but you can earn it all. Bad man. Rumor on the street is that you got married three times to the same woman. Mm-hmm. Is that true? Okay. If so, how did that happen? Walk us through that. Yeah, so I met my wife. We, we, we, uh, our first date was November 8th, 2019. Um, it was here in Mexico City. We had coffee. I told you that story. And then, um, covid happened, you know, that was the thing. And, uh, I remember thinking like, if I could survive covid with one person, like that really tells me a lot about him. Like, that's my ride or die. Right? Like, like you learn a lot about a person when you are isolated one-on-one with them nonstop for months. Yeah. And uh, I never had a bad day. And then during Covid, like I was, I told you on the first date, I already knew it was the girl I was gonna marry. So there was never a question of it. So during Covid I was like, what are we waiting for? I don't need anything but her. So we had a house not too far from here. We had a nice garden with an orange tree in the backyard and I said, let's get married on the orange tree. You know, if I'm putting roots down, let's put it down here. And uh, we had some of her family there, Nick was there. Uh, uh, Daniel was there. Some of the guys that I traveled to live with across the world, and they were our witnesses. And I married in the garden and it was nice, it was small. And then we said, well, we need to celebrate, like we're fucking awesome. Like we, we, we need, we need the homies, right? Um, and those are the pictures you saw downstairs. And, and I said, okay. Like we rented out a, a beach club in Dale Carmen's, and we. I had people fly in. I had like eight, eight groomsmen, like, like dudes that would die for me, man. Like one of the coolest parts about that is like the bachelor party was just us smoking cigars on the roof. And I love my friends, bro. They all went through the story of me, how they met me, and like they told the story of my evolution. It was nice. It was nice to look back and see how far I came from where I was from. 'cause like you forget, you get so lost in the work in the day to day that you don't even fucking remember like what happened. 'cause like you're not a victim. It just was. And you keep moving forward, you keep pushing through it. But they kept telling me the different iterations of me that they got and just got the best one. But it's the work and the fucking crime that I put in. Being realized by the people that mattered the fucking most that made it so fucking special man. Like when the boys tell you made it, you know, you made it. 'cause they're not gonna fucking lie to you, bro. They're not gonna bullshit you. I can't wait till you have that day. I'm gonna fucking be there. And, uh, it was rewarding, man. And then so we got married in Ply El Carmen and then to, you know, like legally have the paperwork in the US and to do it there. It was just me, her and my other buddy. Yeah. Yeah, Josh. And, uh, we just went to a little chapel in, in Vegas and, and did it again. But I marry her every day, man. Every day. If I could. What do you know? You fucking know, bro. It's the people that settled, bro. That's the difference. I don't settle for anything. The coffee, the tea, like the cigars, the life. And it's not faking until you make it. Man, it, it's working until you earn it. Like you have to earn the life you want, but you have to be realistic with what it is you want. You can't attain it. You can't measure it if you don't know exactly what it is. That's why the list is important. That's why understanding like the thing you want, like even in the coaching, even the clients I work with, like you talk about those guys, like that's just not my people like. They don't want help. They think they're good enough. They think they think they're better than everybody. And maybe in their heads they are. But if you're not able to humble yourself and understand that you need growth, you won't grow, you deserve all the success that's coming your way, my man. You're a real dude. Uh, I appreciate this relationship immensely, bro. And I, I hope to. Help to one day experience. What, what you're talking about, bro. You got this friendship forever, dog. My brother, dude. I'm like, feel some type of way bro. Bro, I told you. I ain't gonna lie. It is. Is there anything else you want to cover on here or like bro, like bro, I'm an open book man. I'll tell you anything dog. Like this is why I'm writing the book. Tell us about that. But we got a book coming out, bro. I, I got a book I'm writing. Um, it's coming out. It, it is gonna come out, man. The, the, the draft will be done by June 6th. Uh, for sure. That's my due date. Um, nah man, it's, it's, it's just my story. Uh, and, and I have a lot of stories. I've lived a lot of life. I've done a lot of things that people would say is crazy or insane or different. And, uh, and I think it'll speak to people who. Who maybe feel stuck or maybe feel like they can't get the thing that they, they deserve or want. Like, it, it's, it's, it's just silencing all the haters, man. Like, there were people that told me like, oh, you can't go to college. Like, you're too dumb. Went to college. Deans will every semester graduate honors study abroad. Like, oh, you, you, you'll never like do this in business. I was chief marketing officer of a major defense company. Uh, nobody's gonna want a relationship coach. That's fucking dumb. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Successful business owner. Like, oh, you're never gonna meet that girl. She's not out there. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I got her. Like, it's believing in yourself in the work more than you're believing in what other people think you can achieve. 'cause the real reality of it is like it is unachievable for them. Hmm. And I don't want anybody to live the life I'm living, man. 'cause like it's not fun until it is, you know? But like it's. It's the willingness to put in the reps, like without the reward. Like, like how long can you go without the treat? Mm-hmm. You know, like, how long can you stick it out for? How long, like, are you willing to suffer? You know, like, but that's what fuels me. That's a Yeah. So it's like that's what gets me going, that I can endure more than you like, and I believe it, and you might not, but it doesn't matter. But it's like, it's like the will. Like, there's so many guys that are strong-minded and weak-willed and just can't get their thing, but they think they're good up here, but they can't fucking live it 'cause they don't really want it. I grew up, poor man. When you grow up hungry, you don't care about food, you stay hungry. No problem. You keep that appetite. That's, that's, my parents did the best they could with the tools they had and they thought they did whatever. I, I don't even know. I don't really associate. But it gave me something inside the motivation, right? It doesn't matter what your starting driver is, ask like, oh, I wanna prove these people wrong. Oh, I fucking hate my family. Whatever it is, good use it. 'cause that motivation changes as you start to be rewarded for the things that you're doing. Yeah. Like prove the doubters wrong. Fuck it. Lean into it 'cause. At some point you just quit caring about them. And you've done so many reps that that's just the fucking minimum bar and minimum requirement of what you do every day. And then it's, how can I get better? And then you start to find the people that support you, the people you didn't even know existed. Like how long did it take from the moment I met you to messaging you, to talking to you, to like, like I was like, do you want me to fucking help you grow your group and be in it or just give you money? Like I don't care, like you, just tell me how it can be a part of your life, Danny. 'cause like, like I saw that hunger in you. And I was like, I gotta be around this fucking guy, whatever it takes. And it wasn't like he'll make me better at content. Yeah, of course. But you could do that for anybody. But like, I'll stay up for 48 hours straight. Like, like the, the call we had, you are like, oh yeah, let's book a 20 minute call. Like, how many hours, how long was I able to relentlessly attack your problem? Until we add solutions, it, it's, it's not about the timeframe, it's about me willing to give up more time to help you hit your goal. Like, I'm not here to like drag the mastermind along. I'm number one in that group on the leaderboard for a reason. 'cause I'm hungrier than them. They might be more successful for now. Watch the Insta Grow, bro. Watch me blow up. I've helped clients for 13 years, bro. I'm not starting zero. I'm starting from experience. You're just showing me how to leverage that. Like I teach my clients how to leverage it. You're just my mentor. It's not if you want it or not, it's how bad you want it. It's not binary, bro. It's a continuum. On a scale of one to 10, where's your pain level? Mine's always a 10. It's like Wolverine like, oh, does it hurt when the claws come out every time? Still pulls 'em out. Still sharpens 'em. Still gotta use 'em. You have to. You have to relentlessly attack for the things you want. But so many people are complacent, like they don't know what it's like to not eat. They don't know what it's like to go through these hard times. Or if they have, that's their emotional home. They stay there. They're complacent in the shit. I could never stand it. And the more I had, the hungrier I got not for more things. I'm not a big, you know, you, you see my shit, like I brought Pokemon collection, but like, I don't need material things. I don't need fancy meals. Like, even though I have the, the treatment of the restaurant. But, um, it, it's, it's not the stuff that feeds me. It's like you, you're like, I don't care about the food. Like, I just want you to have a good time. I eat the same shit every day, bro. Like, I don't care. Like, like it, it, it's about being efficient. It's about getting the stuff done. It's just about not stopping putting the work first. 'cause understanding by doing the work, you're gonna get the thing you really want. So like, that's the same thing. People are like, Alan, you work too hard in your mind. You know, like, like this is fun. Yeah. It's like, like, you know, I work life balance, but my life is my work. It's like you just don't understand it and you never will and that's okay. I don't need you to, 'cause I don't need your fucking approval. I don't want it. It's like the, um, the poor man appreciates a, a good meal and having the lights on more than the, the sun of the oil shack appreciates its Bugatti. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta suffer in or to actually be able to appreciate the things that you achieve. Yeah. There's been people who are like, Alan, you haven't dealt with your traumas. And I was like, well, I just don't label it as trauma. Like Yeah. It's just not, it just was and it's not anymore. So who gets a shit? Like, does it serve me today to label myself in a way that means nothing to me? Like you just think I haven't dealt with my shit. I just don't care. 'cause there's nothing I can do to change it. But what I can do is build a better tomorrow for my family. Hmm. Why would I just work on that instead? You know, it just means more man like. There is zero good in me labeling myself or worrying about where I came from or what happened, or the things that happened, or the family like, like all those false beliefs have been squashed. That's what I help my clients with. You know, I might be the world's greatest belief breaker. We don't know yet. Mm-hmm. But I would welcome the challenges. Somebody who thought they were better. I always welcome the challenge. See, that's it right there. Come at anybody. That's it. That's it. That's why we get along, bro. And, and, and just being yourself. And living in your truth and living in congruence, it attracts the right people. Like, bro, when you said, um, you said something and I, I didn't even, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I caught myself doing it. You were like, bro, no one's better. No one wants it more than me. And I like, like almost out of instinct, like, yeah, fucking want more than me. Yeah. But that's the kind of shit that like iron sharpens iron, bro. Like, like one man sharpens another. Um, exactly, bro. And that's why, dude, it's so important, and I've been realizing this more and more and I used to be gentle. With who I let around me and just to be a good person and be surrounded by a lot of people and be like, oh yeah, you know, your opinion's good. Your opinion's good. I care about that. I'll take all of it in now. Dude, I was saying it on the call last night where I was like, I, I will not take an ounce of shit anymore. Like it's more destructive for me to take one bit of shit from somebody than it is to be like, oh, okay, that's fine. I can have that around me. Like when it comes to content, bro, that's a really big thing. And, and I hate to bring it back to tactics on social media, but like if, if you are around people. That are even going to like friendly poke at you for social media. So I just think social media's a great example, but this, this applies to everything, relationships to people who you're with, your business, your sporting, whatever it may be. If you're surrounding yourself with people that like, maybe they have fine intentions, but there's gonna be like, oh, there's Alan making those fucking videos again. Oh, influencer cut that shit out immediately. Like I can't tell you how, like how much further had I be right now if I had the ability to stick a middle finger to the people who said that to me sooner. Now I know how much pain it is to not stick a middle finger to those people. So immediately one ounce of one ounce of misbelief, one ounce of not believing in me, one ounce of negative energy. You're gone. Yeah. And the second that you're able to like decide that, like you're talking about, the root word is literally to cut. Oh my God. The people that come around you are amazing. I wake up and I'm like, bro, the, the people who are surrounding me are fucking awesome and I love it. Yeah. Like clients, team, family, friends. Haven't hit the relationship piece yet, but I'm confident it will match mine. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying, bro. Like the, the people who were around me after I decided to just be like, bro, I don't give a shit what people think, but I think it stemmed from working on myself so much. I'm like, I now have the ability where I, dude, I don't need anybody. Like I, there's, there's people, I, I need my mom for sure, like at 1000%, but like, I don't need the extra client. I don't need the extra friend. Like I don't need the extra business partner or whatever this is. It's just like being able to walk away from it. He who can walk away from the deal gets the better one. Yeah. So I, dude, I have, I have immense amount of respect for you, bro. I can't wait to read your book. I will give it, um, I, I'll be happy to give it an endorsement. And I want everybody who's listening to this to follow along Alan's journey on social media. It's linked in the description, all the different social platforms, but Instagram is the one that we're blowing up the relationship, bro. Exactly how it sounds. You're gonna see this thing pop off, but Allen, dude, it's. It is been a pleasure, man. You had me feeling some type of way at the, the beginning of the, the, the, the middle of the pot. I was like, bro, so I can't fucking, nah, just chill dude. Not emotionless, you know? But, but I, I really appreciate this man. It's been awesome dude. Thanks for letting me tell my story, bro. I haven't had a platform to do it, my brother. Follow along. See you guys in the next episode. See you on the inside, guys. Thanks.