1 00:00:01,999 --> 00:00:04,552 Welcome to the Thinkydoers podcast. 2 00:00:04,762 --> 00:00:09,499 Thinkydoers are those of us drawn to deep work where thinking is working. 3 00:00:09,729 --> 00:00:11,329 But we don't stop there. 4 00:00:11,809 --> 00:00:15,669 We're compelled to move the work from insight to idea, through the messy 5 00:00:15,669 --> 00:00:19,909 middle, to find courage and confidence to put our thoughts into action. 6 00:00:20,494 --> 00:00:23,404 I'm Sara Lobkovich, and I'm a Thinkydoer. 7 00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:29,024 I'm here to help others find more satisfaction, less frustration, less 8 00:00:29,024 --> 00:00:31,874 friction, and more flow in our work. 9 00:00:32,514 --> 00:00:37,894 My mission is to help changemakers like you transform our workplaces and world. 10 00:00:38,064 --> 00:00:39,327 So, let's get started. 11 00:00:42,123 --> 00:00:43,323 Welcome back, friends. 12 00:00:43,573 --> 00:00:47,193 We're continuing this week on the theme of mental health support, but 13 00:00:47,193 --> 00:00:49,413 today we're going back to basics. 14 00:00:49,813 --> 00:00:53,573 This episode was intended as a bit of a "mindfulness basics" 15 00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:57,188 episode, but don't hit skip when you hear the word mindfulness. 16 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:01,768 My guest is here to share information and practices specifically for 17 00:01:01,768 --> 00:01:07,408 those of us who might have struggled with mindfulness practices, or even 18 00:01:07,428 --> 00:01:09,908 mindfulness instruction in the past. 19 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,898 We don't just talk about meditation here. 20 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:17,598 And I have to say this was intended as a basics episode, but I think there's 21 00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:21,828 something here for everyone, including those of you listening who already 22 00:01:21,838 --> 00:01:23,938 have a solid mindfulness practice. 23 00:01:24,438 --> 00:01:27,478 Before I introduce our guest for today, a quick note. 24 00:01:27,918 --> 00:01:31,888 I'm hosting an eight-week series of free Friday morning 25 00:01:31,888 --> 00:01:34,278 sessions I call "Goal Fridays." 26 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:39,258 This series is at 9am Pacific, noon Eastern, and you can join 27 00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:41,678 live on YouTube or LinkedIn. 28 00:01:41,738 --> 00:01:45,728 Although, to be honest, LinkedIn's a bit more buggy, so YouTube's 29 00:01:45,728 --> 00:01:46,928 a bit more of a sure thing. 30 00:01:46,928 --> 00:01:49,278 Each session is on a specific topic. 31 00:01:49,418 --> 00:01:52,478 We started with a practice for refocusing when you're overthinking. 32 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:56,075 Next up, we're going to tackle overdoing. 33 00:01:56,575 --> 00:02:01,175 And then from there, we dive into some special topics around Objectives 34 00:02:01,175 --> 00:02:06,315 and Key Results, or OKRs, the goal methodology I work with closely. 35 00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:10,505 You'll even get to see some live OKR audits, and I am 36 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,315 looking for volunteers for that. 37 00:02:12,315 --> 00:02:16,685 So, if you work with OKRs today and you want some help improving them, ping me 38 00:02:16,685 --> 00:02:18,505 if you might be interested in joining. 39 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:23,635 Whether you're looking to reduce overthinking, avoid burnout, learn about 40 00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:28,895 different goal-setting frameworks, or see real-world case studies, there's 41 00:02:28,905 --> 00:02:30,815 something for everyone in this series. 42 00:02:31,315 --> 00:02:35,545 To sign up, visit findrc.co/goalfridays. 43 00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:38,435 And yes, replays are available. 44 00:02:38,485 --> 00:02:41,265 Visit that same page for links to the replays. 45 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:45,155 And to join the waitlist for my next cohort if you miss this one. 46 00:02:45,655 --> 00:02:49,565 Now, I am delighted to welcome Dr. 47 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:54,605 Alice Rizzi, a licensed psychologist and mindfulness coach, as our expert today. 48 00:02:55,055 --> 00:02:55,495 Dr. 49 00:02:55,495 --> 00:03:00,685 Rizzi shares practices for high achievers, perfectionists, and overthinkers to create 50 00:03:00,685 --> 00:03:03,865 some calm and balance in our hectic lives. 51 00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:08,695 She'll also debunk a few common misconceptions about mindfulness and 52 00:03:08,715 --> 00:03:13,730 offer strategies that work for real people with real commitments and busy lives. 53 00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:18,790 In this episode, we'll cover why mindfulness isn't just about meditation, 54 00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:23,960 some practical techniques for grounding yourself in stressful moments, how to 55 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,730 start a mindfulness practice when you're short on time, and a few tips especially 56 00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:33,650 for the recovering perfectionists and overthinkers who might be listening. 57 00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:34,540 Dr. 58 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:39,160 Rizzi also shares her personal journey from being an anxious ball to finding 59 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,370 balance through mindfulness practices. 60 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,550 Her insights are especially valuable for those of us who might have 61 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:49,590 struggled with traditional meditation or who might feel too overwhelmed to 62 00:03:49,590 --> 00:03:51,690 try to start a mindfulness practice. 63 00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:53,750 So let's get our conversation started. 64 00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:58,113 I am very excited to have Dr. 65 00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,633 Alice Rizzi here with me today. 66 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:03,926 Alice, go ahead and give us a quick introduction, and 67 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:05,136 then we'll go from there. 68 00:04:05,426 --> 00:04:06,816 Thank you so much for having me. 69 00:04:06,816 --> 00:04:08,396 I'm really excited to be here. 70 00:04:08,686 --> 00:04:09,936 I'm Alice Rizzi. 71 00:04:09,986 --> 00:04:14,186 I'm a licensed psychologist in New York, a telehealth provider in Florida, 72 00:04:14,206 --> 00:04:16,356 and a mindfulness coach everywhere. 73 00:04:16,816 --> 00:04:21,956 I create mindfulness courses, I teach people how to meditate, and I use a 74 00:04:21,956 --> 00:04:25,666 lot of the tools that I learned in my psychology doctorate program to just 75 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:30,126 help people live more easeful, less stressful, less overwhelming, less 76 00:04:30,126 --> 00:04:34,576 burned-out kind of lives, so that you can actually enjoy some of this experience. 77 00:04:35,126 --> 00:04:38,976 this is, I think, the third week in a row where we're starting an 78 00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:42,441 episode by saying don't leave when you hear the word mindfulness. 79 00:04:42,451 --> 00:04:45,451 This is not, we're not going to be talking about sitting still 80 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,061 and being quiet necessarily. 81 00:04:47,071 --> 00:04:49,341 This is accessible mindfulness. 82 00:04:49,341 --> 00:04:53,861 So, we're building those tools for people who might've struggled 83 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,131 with mindfulness in the past. 84 00:04:55,131 --> 00:04:56,191 So don't go anywhere. 85 00:04:56,201 --> 00:04:56,901 Stick around. 86 00:04:57,536 --> 00:05:01,226 I'm so excited to clear up some of the misconceptions that people 87 00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:03,186 might still have about mindfulness, 88 00:05:03,486 --> 00:05:06,116 That's exactly where I wanted to start. 89 00:05:06,176 --> 00:05:08,266 What does mindfulness mean to you? 90 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,906 So, I have my own definition of mindfulness that's come about from 91 00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:16,726 doing a lot of research on it, from practicing it, reading books on it. 92 00:05:17,036 --> 00:05:21,416 And so, basically the way that I define it is that mindfulness is the quality 93 00:05:21,456 --> 00:05:27,521 of being present in this moment with, awareness, acceptance, kindness, 94 00:05:27,571 --> 00:05:30,411 compassion, curiosity, and non-judgment. 95 00:05:30,921 --> 00:05:33,941 So, that's a lot, especially if you are new to this. 96 00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:37,591 So don't feel like you have to remember all of it—you don't. 97 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:41,581 Those are just all the factors that I found to be present 98 00:05:41,651 --> 00:05:43,371 when you are practicing. 99 00:05:43,586 --> 00:05:48,336 So, the more you practice, the more aware you're going to be, the more kind 100 00:05:48,336 --> 00:05:50,006 and compassionate you're going to be. 101 00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:52,836 When you practice, we ask that you practice with 102 00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:54,666 non-judgment, with curiosity. 103 00:05:55,016 --> 00:05:58,016 So these are things that come up naturally, they're not necessarily 104 00:05:58,026 --> 00:06:00,296 things you need to think about doing. 105 00:06:00,796 --> 00:06:06,251 I am now in love with that sequence of words because it also perfectly 106 00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:11,271 describes the mindset that folks benefit from when using the type 107 00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,661 of goal-setting that I work with. 108 00:06:13,681 --> 00:06:16,971 I keep finding new elements of the goal-setting practices I work 109 00:06:16,971 --> 00:06:20,221 with, but I had not thought of it as a mindful goal-setting practice. 110 00:06:20,271 --> 00:06:23,121 And I'm like, wow, that's actually the same sequence of words. 111 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:23,501 That's really cool. 112 00:06:23,686 --> 00:06:25,286 Sounds like that's exactly what it is. 113 00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:29,576 It sounds like you teach folks to set goals in a mindful way, which is 114 00:06:29,576 --> 00:06:31,686 actually a lot of what I do as well. 115 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:35,556 And I talk about values a lot and making sure that people are setting 116 00:06:35,556 --> 00:06:40,796 values-based goals rather than emotion-based or fear-driven ones. 117 00:06:41,296 --> 00:06:42,136 So cool. 118 00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:43,656 That just gave me goosebumps. 119 00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:48,316 I just love to hear you talk a little bit about what was your journey? 120 00:06:48,716 --> 00:06:52,656 Where did you start in mindfulness, and then how have you gotten to where you are? 121 00:06:53,071 --> 00:06:53,981 Yeah, absolutely. 122 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,631 Okay, so I'm going to try to touch on all of those points, and we 123 00:06:56,631 --> 00:06:58,191 can always go back if we need to. 124 00:06:58,771 --> 00:07:02,871 But this idea of mindfulness versus meditation is something that I talk a 125 00:07:02,871 --> 00:07:07,831 lot about because you can do mindfulness practices and you can live a mindful 126 00:07:07,831 --> 00:07:12,191 life without necessarily sitting still and just paying attention to the breath. 127 00:07:12,716 --> 00:07:16,876 That is one type of a meditation practice, and there's hundreds, 128 00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:19,106 if not thousands, of other ones. 129 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:24,266 So mindfulness meditation is also different from other forms of meditation. 130 00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:28,516 Again, one form of it could be sitting still with your eyes closed, 131 00:07:28,546 --> 00:07:30,006 paying attention to the breath. 132 00:07:30,556 --> 00:07:35,746 But that's just one practice—it doesn't encapsulate all mindfulness meditation and 133 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:39,046 definitely not all meditative practices. 134 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:43,526 Right there you're challenging—there's not even aside from there being no 135 00:07:43,526 --> 00:07:45,286 one way to practice mindfulness. 136 00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:47,666 There's not even no one way to practice meditation. 137 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,986 There are a host of practices to experiment with. 138 00:07:50,986 --> 00:07:55,566 So if you're someone who has struggled with finding a mindfulness or even 139 00:07:55,566 --> 00:07:59,836 meditation practice that's worked for you, this is a encouragement to keep trying. 140 00:08:00,261 --> 00:08:00,551 Yeah. 141 00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:04,041 And we'll talk about different types of practices as well, but I guess just 142 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:08,501 to give people an idea now, like you can do like a meditative mindfulness 143 00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:15,171 practice that is around walking, eating, touching an object, smelling something. 144 00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:20,371 There's so many different ways to use your senses, especially in order to be mindful. 145 00:08:20,961 --> 00:08:25,821 That can be like a formal mindfulness practice that can have meditative 146 00:08:25,821 --> 00:08:30,611 qualities, but it's different from how folks typically picture like meditation, 147 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:35,281 like where you're sitting with your legs crossed, closed eyes like this, like it 148 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,371 really doesn't have to look like that. 149 00:08:37,531 --> 00:08:42,151 It can look like doing the dishes in a mindful way, and that could 150 00:08:42,161 --> 00:08:44,551 be your practice for today. 151 00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:47,611 It could be folding your laundry mindfully. 152 00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:51,971 And when I say that, using those factors, like you're doing it with 153 00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:55,921 awareness, with acceptance, in essence, you're being intentional 154 00:08:56,081 --> 00:08:57,731 about whatever it is that you're doing. 155 00:08:57,751 --> 00:09:00,181 That's what helps you be present. 156 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:05,271 That is a mindfulness practice and all a mindfulness meditation 157 00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:10,121 is a designated time that you choose to practice being mindful. 158 00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:14,731 So I can choose to sit on the couch for five minutes, breathing 159 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:19,701 mindfully, or I can choose to take a five minute mindful walk outside 160 00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:22,101 where I pay attention to my senses. 161 00:09:22,511 --> 00:09:24,061 Both are still mindfulness. 162 00:09:24,071 --> 00:09:26,311 Both are still valid practices. 163 00:09:26,506 --> 00:09:31,271 You touched on there are lots of different ways to mindfulness. 164 00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,486 You're familiar with my listeners. 165 00:09:33,486 --> 00:09:38,526 So we tend, we skew introverted, not introverted, but we 166 00:09:38,526 --> 00:09:40,576 definitely skew introverted here. 167 00:09:40,966 --> 00:09:45,696 Lots of folks who are neurodivergent, lots of folks who might feel like they're 168 00:09:45,746 --> 00:09:48,596 just wired differently are my listeners. 169 00:09:48,596 --> 00:09:53,256 So tell me a little bit about mindfulness for folks like 170 00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:54,626 that who might be listening. 171 00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:58,911 Yeah, let me back up just a little bit because I do want to answer 172 00:09:58,911 --> 00:10:02,641 your question about my particular journey with mindfulness meditation, 173 00:10:03,041 --> 00:10:04,611 because I think that will be helpful. 174 00:10:04,841 --> 00:10:09,681 So I was first introduced to mindfulness as a concept in undergrad. 175 00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:11,201 I was about 20 years old. 176 00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:15,181 And it just sounded really interesting because I was introduced to it 177 00:10:15,211 --> 00:10:18,041 through the more like traditional way of describing it, like where 178 00:10:18,041 --> 00:10:19,551 you can achieve inner peace. 179 00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,531 And that sounded really appealing to me. 180 00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,781 In school, I was commuting a lot. 181 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:28,291 There's family drama, relationship drama, all the things that 182 00:10:28,481 --> 00:10:30,001 a 20-year-old goes through. 183 00:10:30,341 --> 00:10:34,771 And so this idea that this one concept or a principle or practice can help me 184 00:10:34,771 --> 00:10:37,321 achieve inner peace, I was like, oh, cool. 185 00:10:37,411 --> 00:10:38,511 Let's see what it's about. 186 00:10:39,011 --> 00:10:41,381 So I started doing more research on it. 187 00:10:41,411 --> 00:10:45,801 And I ended up picking my psychology doctoral program specifically because 188 00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:48,141 they had a mindfulness research team. 189 00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:53,481 So that started my formal journey into mindfulness. 190 00:10:53,651 --> 00:10:58,251 And as part of this research team, we met once a week, and we would 191 00:10:58,251 --> 00:11:03,281 start every meeting with a 5, 10, 15-minute mindfulness practice. 192 00:11:03,581 --> 00:11:06,411 And so that's also one place where I learned different 193 00:11:06,411 --> 00:11:08,121 ways to practice mindfulness. 194 00:11:08,621 --> 00:11:13,091 Now, the person who was facilitating the team, it was the professor. 195 00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:16,611 She also ended up being my dissertation chair, the person that 196 00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:20,301 supervised my dissertation project over the course of four years. 197 00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:25,621 And so I ended up doing my dissertation on mindfulness and on meditation. 198 00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:28,631 So I dove even deeper into the research. 199 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,276 But the reason I mentioned this is because the person that was 200 00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:37,216 supervising me was very insistent that I had to experience like true 201 00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:39,306 mindfulness meditation for myself. 202 00:11:39,686 --> 00:11:43,976 And so what that meant is that not only was I practicing it daily, I 203 00:11:43,976 --> 00:11:48,436 needed to have like my own meditation practice, but I also had to attend a 204 00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:50,716 mindfulness-based stress reduction course. 205 00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:54,646 So that's an eight-week course where it's like a two, two and a half-hour group 206 00:11:54,666 --> 00:11:57,226 that you attend to weekly for two months. 207 00:11:57,456 --> 00:12:02,876 And you do these formal, like 45-minute, 15-minute meditative practices, which I 208 00:12:02,876 --> 00:12:04,836 will say even back then was super boring. 209 00:12:05,036 --> 00:12:08,376 And to be honest, I still find boring now most of the time. 210 00:12:08,426 --> 00:12:14,976 I am not the type of person who would choose to sit still for 45 minutes. 211 00:12:15,356 --> 00:12:20,456 And what helped me get so attached in a healthy, fun way to mindfulness 212 00:12:21,096 --> 00:12:22,736 is that I didn't have to do that. 213 00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:25,006 I didn't have to sit still for 45 minutes. 214 00:12:25,356 --> 00:12:29,956 I started my daily practices like walking to and from class and like 215 00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:31,896 noticing what I could see around me. 216 00:12:32,196 --> 00:12:35,166 There would be a grassy hill, and I would sit on the hill and I would 217 00:12:35,166 --> 00:12:39,176 close my eyes for a few moments and take a few deep breaths or listen to 218 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:44,616 the birds chirping or watch people walk by and just notice what I notice. 219 00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:49,216 And I would literally take 30 seconds, two minutes, five minutes. 220 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:55,376 And then I would go on with the day, and I started feeling more at peace and 221 00:12:55,376 --> 00:12:57,706 things started feeling a little easier. 222 00:12:57,716 --> 00:13:01,666 And I started approaching things with a little bit less 223 00:13:01,736 --> 00:13:04,506 urgency, a little bit more space. 224 00:13:04,856 --> 00:13:10,106 And so that's when I started realizing that even taking just that 30 seconds 225 00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:16,016 or those three deep breaths made me feel a lot better, and made me 226 00:13:16,016 --> 00:13:20,636 start approaching other things in my life with that intentional present 227 00:13:21,246 --> 00:13:23,236 quality that we were talking about. 228 00:13:23,796 --> 00:13:29,431 So I was becoming kinder, less judgmental, more compassionate, and it's 229 00:13:29,431 --> 00:13:34,971 all because I was taking those brief moments of mindfulness any way I could 230 00:13:35,471 --> 00:13:41,161 I'm glad you brought up mindfulness-based stress reduction and partly because a 231 00:13:41,161 --> 00:13:45,881 lot of folks who wrestle with some of the things my listeners do might've 232 00:13:45,881 --> 00:13:51,456 had chronic stress and been told to meditate or, if at worst, might've 233 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:55,266 been told, "Start meditating," and that's the only guidance they get. 234 00:13:55,346 --> 00:13:59,516 Or at best, said, "Do this mindfulness-based stress 235 00:13:59,516 --> 00:14:00,966 reduction sequence." 236 00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:04,796 And I think what's really important for people to hear in what you 237 00:14:04,796 --> 00:14:09,836 just said is, if those are the only two things we're being offered, 238 00:14:10,036 --> 00:14:11,846 there's lots more out there. 239 00:14:11,986 --> 00:14:16,206 If those two concepts don't help you resolve your chronic stress or whatever 240 00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:19,886 else you are seeking help for, then keep trying, find someone who can 241 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:21,996 help or find a resource who can help. 242 00:14:22,346 --> 00:14:22,756 Yeah. 243 00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:26,706 Because I even remember back in the day, going to those eight 244 00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:29,786 classes, like that was stressful. 245 00:14:30,006 --> 00:14:33,386 It was a lot of effort for me to actually just show up to those things. 246 00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:34,626 I had to drive. 247 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:37,826 It was like between the crazy commuting that I was already doing. 248 00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:40,036 So that was a challenge in itself. 249 00:14:40,336 --> 00:14:44,256 But then the homework was to practice these meditations for 250 00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:46,506 45 minutes every single day. 251 00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:50,941 And I was commuting, I was in class, I was working on my dissertation at times. 252 00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:54,781 I was like, I had a job, there was family, and there was so much going on, 253 00:14:55,111 --> 00:15:00,331 and it was difficult to commit to even showing up for that 45 minutes every day. 254 00:15:00,781 --> 00:15:01,561 I'm not perfect. 255 00:15:01,561 --> 00:15:04,841 I don't advocate everybody or anybody can be perfect. 256 00:15:05,156 --> 00:15:06,506 So we do what we can. 257 00:15:06,636 --> 00:15:09,156 And so maybe some days that look like 20 minutes. 258 00:15:09,196 --> 00:15:10,986 Some days that look like five minutes. 259 00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:14,806 Some days I really did show up for the 45 minutes, and a lot of times 260 00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:16,706 I fell asleep during that time. 261 00:15:17,226 --> 00:15:21,136 So again, it's like part of this is giving yourself permission to show up 262 00:15:21,176 --> 00:15:23,686 imperfectly and just to do what you can. 263 00:15:23,716 --> 00:15:28,341 Because again, you are approaching this present moment, however the moment is. 264 00:15:28,671 --> 00:15:30,761 So sometimes the moment is really boring. 265 00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,411 Sometimes you're really tired. 266 00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:35,701 Sometimes you find yourself judging everything that you're doing or 267 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:36,941 everything that's happening to you. 268 00:15:37,111 --> 00:15:40,961 You have those days where you're just super irritable, and nobody 269 00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,751 can say anything the right way. 270 00:15:42,761 --> 00:15:44,361 You can't do anything the right way. 271 00:15:44,371 --> 00:15:46,301 Everything just feels like it's blowing up. 272 00:15:47,051 --> 00:15:49,911 But you can always take three minutes to look out the window 273 00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,621 and take a couple of deep breaths. 274 00:15:52,171 --> 00:15:55,901 And if even three minutes is hard, just take three breaths. 275 00:15:56,171 --> 00:15:57,721 Just start with one breath. 276 00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:03,921 One thing that I always teach my clients is that it's better to do 30 seconds every 277 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:09,726 day than even sit for 10 minutes once a week, because that once a week isn't 278 00:16:09,726 --> 00:16:11,356 going to give you what you're looking for. 279 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:15,466 But actually, those few moments that you take every day will. 280 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:18,216 You just got us to my next question. 281 00:16:18,226 --> 00:16:23,976 I know when we chatted before, you had some specific ideas around overthinkers. 282 00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:24,436 So we'll come 283 00:16:24,436 --> 00:16:24,736 back to 284 00:16:24,736 --> 00:16:25,776 that in just a minute. 285 00:16:26,101 --> 00:16:28,731 But there are two things I want to ask you about. 286 00:16:28,801 --> 00:16:34,164 Since you mentioned perfectionism and that challenging our-all-or-nothing thinking, 287 00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:38,388 when we're thinking about our practices, do you have any special tips for people 288 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:43,568 who might have that all-or-nothing wiring or that perfectionism streak? 289 00:16:43,608 --> 00:16:45,798 Anything you would tell them when they're getting started 290 00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:47,218 with a mindfulness practice? 291 00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:49,173 There's a lot I would tell them. 292 00:16:49,203 --> 00:16:53,893 I have an entire program of things I would tell them. 293 00:16:54,418 --> 00:16:58,393 I think firstly, is have some self-compassion. 294 00:16:58,653 --> 00:17:01,333 Meet yourself where you are at. 295 00:17:01,343 --> 00:17:05,083 Be kind with yourself, be gentle with yourself. 296 00:17:05,593 --> 00:17:08,923 Step one is acknowledge that you're only human. 297 00:17:09,043 --> 00:17:11,383 Every single one of us is only human. 298 00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:16,093 And that's why perfectionism— you can't keep chasing it because that 299 00:17:16,093 --> 00:17:18,003 just is going to lead to unhappiness. 300 00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:22,253 But you can start where you are now, and where you are now actually is perfect. 301 00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:25,283 And I say that because it can't be any other way. 302 00:17:25,283 --> 00:17:29,173 Therefore, it must be perfect the way that it actually is because that's how it is. 303 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,833 So even just like approaching things from that way, hopefully, 304 00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:37,593 can give a little bit more ease, and spaciousness, and grace for you. 305 00:17:38,093 --> 00:17:42,153 But then, remembering to that like awareness is a really big component. 306 00:17:42,193 --> 00:17:46,643 When people start being mindful, you start by just being aware of 307 00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:51,223 your surroundings, aware of your relationships, aware of how you do things. 308 00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,733 And the three questions that I always encourage my clients to 309 00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:58,923 start with, whether they meditate or not, is to ask yourself at least 310 00:17:58,923 --> 00:18:01,068 once a day, what am I thinking? 311 00:18:01,198 --> 00:18:02,298 What am I feeling? 312 00:18:02,488 --> 00:18:03,908 How does my body feel? 313 00:18:04,558 --> 00:18:07,048 Because so many people have no idea. 314 00:18:07,098 --> 00:18:08,738 They're so used to, "Oh, hi, how are you? 315 00:18:08,738 --> 00:18:09,118 I'm fine. 316 00:18:09,128 --> 00:18:09,668 How are you? 317 00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:10,888 Great," moving on. 318 00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:17,718 But in that moment, nobody is actually checking in with how I actually am. 319 00:18:17,978 --> 00:18:21,668 Which is why so many individuals—especially like the 320 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:25,558 high-achievers, ambitious folks, a perfectionist among us —I call 321 00:18:25,558 --> 00:18:29,978 myself a "recovering perfectionist" because I still sometimes get 322 00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:31,578 carried away with that mindset. 323 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,788 And I have to remind myself, "Alice, whoa, slow down. 324 00:18:36,128 --> 00:18:38,348 What do you actually want in this moment? 325 00:18:38,388 --> 00:18:40,548 What do you actually need in this moment?" 326 00:18:41,198 --> 00:18:45,168 And if I can't answer that, "What was I thinking just a second ago? 327 00:18:45,548 --> 00:18:46,738 How is that making me feel? 328 00:18:46,738 --> 00:18:48,128 What can I feel in my body? 329 00:18:48,138 --> 00:18:49,918 Is there like tingling somewhere? 330 00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,218 Is there pressure somewhere? 331 00:18:51,658 --> 00:18:53,598 How is my breathing even right?" 332 00:18:54,028 --> 00:18:56,328 Because I might be like, "Why am I so stressed? 333 00:18:56,328 --> 00:18:57,168 I don't understand." 334 00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:59,185 And it's because I'm breathing like this, and it's like, you're hyperventilating. 335 00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:03,075 And of course, you're feeling stressed and anxious and overwhelmed. 336 00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:08,980 And if even in that moment you can just, one long inhale, one long 337 00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:13,580 exhale, and you can notice, "Oh, wow, I was breathing really heavily. 338 00:19:13,890 --> 00:19:16,020 My shoulders were up to my ears. 339 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,710 My chest felt really tight. 340 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:19,750 Something is making me anxious." 341 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,120 I recognize that's a sign that I might be anxious and overwhelmed. 342 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,764 "What's going on in my day that I might be feeling that way?" 343 00:19:27,485 --> 00:19:30,455 Oh, I just got 15 messages from my boss. 344 00:19:30,575 --> 00:19:34,165 Or my coworker has been bombarding me with questions all day. 345 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:37,465 Or the kids' school called, and they need me to pick them up, but 346 00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:39,545 I can't, and like my partner can't. 347 00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:42,065 I have so many demands and responsibilities. 348 00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:45,025 It makes sense why I'm feeling this way. 349 00:19:45,635 --> 00:19:49,435 What can I do to help you use some of that pressure? 350 00:19:49,935 --> 00:19:55,165 Again, mindfulness can just help you take that pause to even just realize, 351 00:19:55,385 --> 00:19:57,485 "This is how I'm feeling right now. 352 00:19:57,485 --> 00:20:01,095 This is what I'm thinking, and this is everything that's impacting that," 353 00:20:01,505 --> 00:20:03,675 before you ever move on to the next step. 354 00:20:03,675 --> 00:20:07,275 Your question isn't, "Where do I feel this in my body?" 355 00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:09,765 it's a "Check-in with your body." 356 00:20:09,795 --> 00:20:12,670 Because the, "Where do you feel this in your body?" 357 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,890 question isn't accessible to a lot of us. 358 00:20:14,930 --> 00:20:18,180 But when you said, "My shoulders are scrunched up," I was like, 359 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,630 "Oh, I can notice that in my body." 360 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,890 Like I might not notice my feelings in my body, but I can feel if 361 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,460 my shoulders are tense, or my jaw is tense, or my hip hurts. 362 00:20:28,530 --> 00:20:34,230 And it feels to me like that's kind of a baby step having more 363 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,920 somatic awareness or body awareness. 364 00:20:37,115 --> 00:20:37,845 Absolutely. 365 00:20:37,855 --> 00:20:39,905 Again, we start wherever you are. 366 00:20:40,215 --> 00:20:43,405 If it's easier for you to notice, sort of like, even like physically 367 00:20:43,405 --> 00:20:48,355 see where your body is, that can be helpful because so many people don't 368 00:20:48,365 --> 00:20:51,165 realize that they're walking around like this [demonstrates a tense posture]. 369 00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:53,965 Or you might be sitting at your table and you're like this [shows 370 00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:56,505 another tense posture], and you might not even realize that you're doing 371 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,565 that until somebody asked , "Oh, why are your fists all balled up?" 372 00:20:59,605 --> 00:21:00,395 And you're like, "Oh. 373 00:21:00,810 --> 00:21:02,510 I didn't even realize I was doing that." 374 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:05,060 Or you notice, "Oh, my shirt is sweating. 375 00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:07,220 Why am I sweating profusely?" 376 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:10,010 That's where you can start, you notice what you notice. 377 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,830 And then a part of the practice, especially when you're working with 378 00:21:13,830 --> 00:21:19,110 somebody is I ask more of those fine-tuned questions like, "What parts of your 379 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,220 body do you tend to notice first?" 380 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,810 So many people might notice their chest, their stomach, their throat. 381 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:29,050 For some people, the first I noticed like tingling in my fingers, or I 382 00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:33,000 noticed that my feet are scrunched up, or I'm noticing like a headache 383 00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:35,230 coming on, or my ears are burning. 384 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:39,760 And then you can build up to, "Okay, you told me that you're feeling overwhelmed. 385 00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:42,190 Where's overwhelmed located in your body? 386 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,590 Or you feel frustrated? 387 00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:45,790 Where does frustration show up in your body?" 388 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,970 But like you said, sometimes it takes a little bit before you can get there. 389 00:21:50,470 --> 00:21:52,060 Yeah, that's really helpful. 390 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:59,960 So then you also have some tips for overthinkers which we might have a few of. 391 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:00,120 Yes! 392 00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:05,445 Yeah, so the overthinkers are the people who are always like, 393 00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:06,865 "Why am I feeling that way? 394 00:22:06,865 --> 00:22:08,495 I shouldn't be feeling that way. 395 00:22:08,705 --> 00:22:10,055 Do I look like I'm feeling this?" 396 00:22:10,575 --> 00:22:13,595 You almost start being like, you're hyper-aware, but 397 00:22:13,595 --> 00:22:15,275 you're also hyper-critical. 398 00:22:15,485 --> 00:22:18,375 The overthinkers tend to be really hard on themselves. 399 00:22:18,375 --> 00:22:20,045 They tend to judge themselves. 400 00:22:20,345 --> 00:22:23,655 I don't know necessarily if like scientifically it overlaps with 401 00:22:23,655 --> 00:22:27,465 introversion, but I think that introverts among us, which I 402 00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:31,385 definitely am, we tend to spend more time by ourselves recharging. 403 00:22:31,715 --> 00:22:33,705 And what do you do when you're by yourself? 404 00:22:33,715 --> 00:22:34,335 You think. 405 00:22:34,835 --> 00:22:36,345 And that you have time to overthink. 406 00:22:36,915 --> 00:22:40,915 So many of my clients get themselves in trouble in a way when they don't 407 00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:45,415 give themselves enough things to do to actually live and be present in life. 408 00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:49,910 It's like when they're home sick, that's all of the different thoughts 409 00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:51,970 come, and they start like spiraling. 410 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:55,490 Or even when they go on vacation, they can't relax because their brain is 411 00:22:55,490 --> 00:22:58,960 thinking about everything they left behind at work or everything they're going 412 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,530 to have to get to when they come back. 413 00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:03,270 And it's hard for them to even relax in the moment. 414 00:23:03,770 --> 00:23:08,150 So that is actually when it is important to do more of those somatic 415 00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:10,390 practices —the body practices. 416 00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:14,530 To shift some of that energy from everything going on in your mind 417 00:23:14,930 --> 00:23:18,260 to either things that are going on in your body or things that 418 00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:20,220 are going on in the environment. 419 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,540 I'm sure a lot of your listeners are familiar with grounding practices. 420 00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:29,480 So grounding practices are basically those exercises that help you be more present 421 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,800 and grounded in your current reality. 422 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:37,020 One brief definition or I'll give you an example of a concept that 423 00:23:37,070 --> 00:23:39,060 people refer to as time-traveling. 424 00:23:39,390 --> 00:23:43,810 So our minds, especially the overthinkers, we time-travel a lot. 425 00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:47,670 And we either time-travel into the past or we time-travel into the future. 426 00:23:48,090 --> 00:23:51,710 We don't spend as much time in the present as we think we do. 427 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,945 So every time you think, "Oh, I should have done that. 428 00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:56,165 Why did I say that? 429 00:23:56,175 --> 00:23:57,115 What did you say to me? 430 00:23:57,115 --> 00:23:58,575 Why did you think that about me?" 431 00:23:58,765 --> 00:24:00,355 That's happening in the past. 432 00:24:00,875 --> 00:24:03,625 And then when you're thinking about "Oh, what am I going to do? 433 00:24:03,625 --> 00:24:06,555 And I have laundry to do, and then I'm going to have to go on that vacation, 434 00:24:06,555 --> 00:24:07,945 and I have to make sure I pack the kids. 435 00:24:07,945 --> 00:24:09,285 And are we going to have enough to eat? 436 00:24:09,285 --> 00:24:11,035 And did I save up enough money for that? 437 00:24:11,255 --> 00:24:12,745 How am I going to be able to afford that? 438 00:24:12,755 --> 00:24:15,865 I know the debt that I'm going to and then the creditors are going to come after me." 439 00:24:15,915 --> 00:24:17,865 That's all in the future. 440 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:21,615 So your time-traveling; you're not actually here right now. 441 00:24:22,185 --> 00:24:23,745 Is this sparking something in you? 442 00:24:24,860 --> 00:24:25,130 Yeah. 443 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:28,340 Alice is observing my body language the video right now. 444 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,130 Yeah, so you're noticing your body is scrunching up, right? 445 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,170 Because this feeling is so familiar. 446 00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:35,730 It's familiar to me too. 447 00:24:35,730 --> 00:24:38,820 I think most of us have been there, at least at some point 448 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,060 in our lives, if not frequently. 449 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:48,420 And you can bring yourself back into the present by doing some grounding, 450 00:24:48,730 --> 00:24:52,790 by practicing some mindfulness, whether that means meditation or not. 451 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:57,690 The easiest way to do that is to notice the five senses. 452 00:24:57,950 --> 00:25:01,870 A really common grounding practice is the "five, four, three, two, one" which 453 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,390 you might've heard of before, right? 454 00:25:03,390 --> 00:25:08,690 So name five things that you can see in your environment, four things that you 455 00:25:08,690 --> 00:25:12,880 might be able to touch, three things that you can hear, two things that you 456 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,090 can smell, one thing that you can taste. 457 00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:20,400 And because all of those things like your sensory perception is only happening 458 00:25:20,460 --> 00:25:25,380 in the present, so it helps you get grounded and be with this moment. 459 00:25:25,790 --> 00:25:31,420 So even just as an example, the water tastes cold, the glass feels nice on 460 00:25:31,420 --> 00:25:36,780 my hand, if I put my lips against it, I like that sensation and I can close my 461 00:25:36,780 --> 00:25:39,050 eyes and just be with that for a moment. 462 00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:40,000 I can smell it. 463 00:25:40,410 --> 00:25:42,610 I can see what can I hear? 464 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,715 And again, just doing that, taking one minute, two minutes to do that, you'll 465 00:25:47,715 --> 00:25:52,665 feel a lot more present and you will realize that all of that overwhelm, 466 00:25:52,675 --> 00:25:57,885 the anxiety, maybe the excitement, That was all your mind time-traveling 467 00:25:57,905 --> 00:26:01,925 either into the past or into the future, because right now, in this moment, 468 00:26:02,355 --> 00:26:04,905 chances are you're actually okay. 469 00:26:05,035 --> 00:26:08,290 At least when it comes to physical safety, you are fine. 470 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,250 You are safe. 471 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,520 There's no immediate danger right now. 472 00:26:12,180 --> 00:26:16,410 Even though so often it feels that way, when your imagination throws 473 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:19,000 you into what could be or what was. 474 00:26:19,050 --> 00:26:25,400 Even when you say "grounding," I obviously had a little bit of identification with 475 00:26:25,410 --> 00:26:30,330 some of what you just described in terms of the ways that overthinkers time-travel. 476 00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:33,910 And when you said the word grounding, and this is interesting, because I 477 00:26:33,910 --> 00:26:36,260 struggle with somatic and body practices. 478 00:26:36,300 --> 00:26:41,260 I'm a really big brain connected to something that doesn't always register. 479 00:26:41,670 --> 00:26:43,940 But when you said "grounding," I felt my feet. 480 00:26:43,976 --> 00:26:52,636 It can be that simple of just that wasn't me grounding, quote unquote, but it was 481 00:26:52,906 --> 00:26:57,226 my system heard the word and then said, "Yep, my feet are touching the ground." 482 00:26:57,696 --> 00:27:01,926 And even that is a cool for someone like me, who struggles 483 00:27:01,926 --> 00:27:05,076 with body-based practices, you don't have to do it "right." 484 00:27:05,591 --> 00:27:09,441 I would actually argue, Sara, that you did it exactly right, because your 485 00:27:09,451 --> 00:27:12,801 body intuitively knew how to ground. 486 00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:17,911 And the way that felt maybe easier for you to is to pay attention to your feet. 487 00:27:18,411 --> 00:27:20,001 And that is a grounding practice. 488 00:27:20,051 --> 00:27:24,091 You can literally just bring your attention to your feet, your toes, 489 00:27:24,101 --> 00:27:27,681 your heels, your ankles, and just notice what's going on there. 490 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:32,911 You can stand up and take a gentle walk, pacing just back and forth a 491 00:27:32,911 --> 00:27:34,836 couple of times, wherever you are. 492 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:39,876 You can go outside and plant your feet in the dirt or in the grass 493 00:27:39,916 --> 00:27:41,506 and notice what that feels like. 494 00:27:41,986 --> 00:27:45,916 And something that I even like to do is I'll go and I'll touch some leaves— 495 00:27:46,136 --> 00:27:52,096 whether it's weeds or grass or basil, whatever is around—like, touch something 496 00:27:52,106 --> 00:27:56,481 living, that can help immediately ground your body in this moment. 497 00:27:56,671 --> 00:27:59,061 So, it doesn't have to be just through your feet. 498 00:27:59,061 --> 00:28:00,561 It could be through any body part. 499 00:28:00,791 --> 00:28:05,421 And that's why, I think so often we say "stop and smell the roses" because that. 500 00:28:05,711 --> 00:28:07,351 can be a grounding practice. 501 00:28:07,401 --> 00:28:11,061 It connects your sensory perception to something that's happening 502 00:28:11,071 --> 00:28:13,031 here, like the flower in your face. 503 00:28:13,581 --> 00:28:19,521 What this is calling my attention to is, in the mechanism that I was introduced 504 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:26,361 to meditation, of course, non-judgment was one of the principles that I taught. 505 00:28:26,861 --> 00:28:32,341 And I don't think I ever realized that doesn't just mean 506 00:28:32,841 --> 00:28:34,611 a lack of judgment externally. 507 00:28:34,651 --> 00:28:40,321 It's also being non-judgmental of yourself or that to yourself. 508 00:28:40,861 --> 00:28:45,241 So, that's also what I hear when you talk about different approaches to 509 00:28:45,241 --> 00:28:51,432 practice and different ways to practice perfectly imperfectly human, is that 510 00:28:51,512 --> 00:28:57,132 we can the non-judgment that we may be working on cultivating toward others 511 00:28:57,162 --> 00:29:00,042 and also give ourselves that gift too. 512 00:29:00,282 --> 00:29:00,852 Yes. 513 00:29:00,912 --> 00:29:01,632 absolutely. 514 00:29:01,662 --> 00:29:05,652 And that's why I think like the kindness and the compassion tie so closely 515 00:29:05,652 --> 00:29:09,852 with it, because if you can be kind and compassionate towards yourself, 516 00:29:10,062 --> 00:29:12,492 it will help you judge yourself less. 517 00:29:12,792 --> 00:29:16,452 So not only will you likely be less critical and judgey of other 518 00:29:16,452 --> 00:29:20,112 people, but hopefully you'll also do the same for yourself. 519 00:29:20,612 --> 00:29:20,972 Yeah. 520 00:29:21,032 --> 00:29:21,642 Awesome. 521 00:29:22,102 --> 00:29:26,752 Alice, is there anything I haven't asked you that you'd like to share today? 522 00:29:27,252 --> 00:29:30,882 One thing that I wanted to mention, because you said that sometimes you have 523 00:29:30,882 --> 00:29:35,352 a hard time connecting to your body— outside of even just grounding in your 524 00:29:35,352 --> 00:29:39,672 senses or the physical and connected to what we literally just spoke about 525 00:29:39,682 --> 00:29:43,922 with self-compassion—is I often like to teach people like the self-hug. 526 00:29:44,222 --> 00:29:48,752 And so for some people, that might sound really cheesy or corny or silly 527 00:29:48,752 --> 00:29:53,032 or stupid or notice all of those words that even as I said, that might your 528 00:29:53,032 --> 00:29:56,032 brain offers kindly to you, right? 529 00:29:56,422 --> 00:29:59,002 And try it anyway. 530 00:29:59,322 --> 00:30:02,852 And I actually learned this from another therapist on Instagram. 531 00:30:02,962 --> 00:30:06,902 Go figure, sometimes there's useful tips there, but use with caution, right? 532 00:30:07,352 --> 00:30:10,672 But this is what it looks like: You take the palm of one hand and you put 533 00:30:10,672 --> 00:30:14,562 it on under your armpit—so like for women where the bra strap would go. 534 00:30:14,572 --> 00:30:16,052 For men, it's like the rib cage. 535 00:30:16,282 --> 00:30:18,942 And the other hand goes on the outside of your shoulder. 536 00:30:19,442 --> 00:30:23,812 And so take a moment and then if you can even close your eyes, and if you 537 00:30:23,812 --> 00:30:28,772 want, you can even slowly sway back and forth, and you can even move one hand 538 00:30:28,772 --> 00:30:30,992 a little bit up and down your shoulder. 539 00:30:31,492 --> 00:30:36,212 And I don't know about you, but my breathing immediately slowed down, 540 00:30:36,712 --> 00:30:41,992 and my voice immediately slowed down because there's something just so 541 00:30:42,002 --> 00:30:45,492 soothing and comforting about this. 542 00:30:46,022 --> 00:30:47,792 So, Sara, you can open your eyes. 543 00:30:47,872 --> 00:30:53,542 But literally doing this for just 10 seconds has such an immediate grounding 544 00:30:53,542 --> 00:30:56,732 and soothing and compassionate effect. 545 00:30:56,732 --> 00:30:59,502 I immediately feel my own presence with myself. 546 00:30:59,602 --> 00:31:03,812 I am here, and I offer myself this kindness, this gentleness, 547 00:31:03,842 --> 00:31:05,472 this love in this moment. 548 00:31:05,637 --> 00:31:08,722 Yeah It's really cool. 549 00:31:08,782 --> 00:31:14,362 I think when people hear "self-hug," they think, like woo-woo emotion, but 550 00:31:14,362 --> 00:31:18,222 when I just practiced that with you, what I felt was physical compression, 551 00:31:18,242 --> 00:31:19,802 and that felt good to my body. 552 00:31:20,092 --> 00:31:23,482 It regulates your nervous system, literally. 553 00:31:23,522 --> 00:31:25,562 And it's so immediate. 554 00:31:26,012 --> 00:31:28,212 It's mind boggling how quickly it can work. 555 00:31:28,642 --> 00:31:31,592 But it's actually really similar because so many of us can 556 00:31:31,592 --> 00:31:33,522 get dysregulated so quickly. 557 00:31:33,682 --> 00:31:37,152 You might smell something, and we know smell is a really strong 558 00:31:37,162 --> 00:31:40,832 connector to memory, and it might bring up really negative memories, 559 00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:43,192 like sadness or grief or anger. 560 00:31:43,732 --> 00:31:48,412 But actually just as quickly, you can offer yourself a self-hug, and that 561 00:31:48,412 --> 00:31:53,272 will almost just as immediately regulate your nervous system down because You're 562 00:31:53,292 --> 00:31:55,362 offering yourself that sense of safety. 563 00:31:55,612 --> 00:32:00,152 When we are hugged in this way, we feel safe, secure, and connected. 564 00:32:00,712 --> 00:32:04,372 So yes, it feels great if somebody else offers us this kind of hug, 565 00:32:04,592 --> 00:32:08,252 but it's actually something that's always accessible to ourselves to do. 566 00:32:09,582 --> 00:32:10,792 Yeah, that's amazing. 567 00:32:11,182 --> 00:32:14,532 Alice, this has been a phenomenal conversation. 568 00:32:14,552 --> 00:32:19,602 I know we talked about, we might have another one about when to consider 569 00:32:19,602 --> 00:32:23,642 coaching, when to consider therapy, and then what to look for in providers. 570 00:32:23,652 --> 00:32:25,632 So we'll back for that episode. 571 00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:29,152 But in the meantime, where can people find you if they want 572 00:32:29,152 --> 00:32:30,392 to learn more about your work? 573 00:32:31,057 --> 00:32:33,197 Thank you, firstly, so much for having me, Sara. 574 00:32:33,217 --> 00:32:34,127 This was great. 575 00:32:34,167 --> 00:32:35,477 I love talking about this stuff. 576 00:32:36,077 --> 00:32:39,917 So it's something that I do a lot on my Instagram at Dr. 577 00:32:39,917 --> 00:32:40,617 Alice Rizzi. 578 00:32:41,147 --> 00:32:45,297 My website is togethermindful.com, where people can find a free 579 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:48,827 mindfulness toolkit, and especially like the overthinkers, the people 580 00:32:48,827 --> 00:32:50,557 who are too busy to meditate. 581 00:32:50,917 --> 00:32:55,907 And I say that in jest because I've been there, but I have a week's 582 00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:59,767 worth of just three-minute exercises that you can practice every day. 583 00:32:59,937 --> 00:33:03,547 So you can't tell me that you don't have three minutes to help yourself 584 00:33:03,557 --> 00:33:08,207 feel better, especially if you have problems like chronic stress and chronic 585 00:33:08,207 --> 00:33:11,257 overthinking, overdoing, and burnout. 586 00:33:11,587 --> 00:33:15,467 You can find three minutes in your day to do some mindfulness practices, 587 00:33:15,657 --> 00:33:19,107 and I show you seven different ways that you can do it, only one 588 00:33:19,107 --> 00:33:20,687 of which is sitting and breathing. 589 00:33:21,187 --> 00:33:25,077 So that's on togethermindful.com, and if anybody happens to be in New 590 00:33:25,077 --> 00:33:29,207 York or Florida and is interested in therapy, that's dralicerizzi.com. 591 00:33:30,017 --> 00:33:30,857 That's awesome. 592 00:33:31,327 --> 00:33:31,677 Dr. 593 00:33:31,677 --> 00:33:35,917 Rizzi, well, Alice, this has been just a phenomenal conversation. 594 00:33:36,227 --> 00:33:37,357 I just can't thank you enough. 595 00:33:37,427 --> 00:33:40,837 Really, I wish that I had access to information like 596 00:33:40,837 --> 00:33:43,097 this earlier in my practice. 597 00:33:43,097 --> 00:33:46,617 So I'm just really grateful that you're here to share with my listeners today. 598 00:33:47,262 --> 00:33:48,632 Thank you so much, Sara. 599 00:33:48,772 --> 00:33:50,732 And totally me too. 600 00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:54,472 Like, it was such an accident that I stumbled on mindfulness like when I 601 00:33:54,472 --> 00:33:58,697 was 20 years old, and I'm so grateful because I can honestly say that it 602 00:33:58,697 --> 00:34:01,197 has changed the trajectory of my life. 603 00:34:01,497 --> 00:34:04,517 For anybody who doesn't know me, I don't think we mentioned it, 604 00:34:04,517 --> 00:34:06,537 I used to be an anxious ball. 605 00:34:07,037 --> 00:34:09,397 I used to be an extremely anxious individual. 606 00:34:09,397 --> 00:34:11,207 I had a lot of social anxiety. 607 00:34:11,307 --> 00:34:16,317 I used to have a lot of physical symptoms associated with anxiety, and when I got 608 00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:20,927 on the path of mindfulness, as cheesy as that might sound, so much of that changed. 609 00:34:21,317 --> 00:34:25,357 And it's not that I don't experience it anymore, it's that I manage it so much 610 00:34:25,377 --> 00:34:30,097 better now in a healthy way, where I'm still able to enjoy and actually love my 611 00:34:30,097 --> 00:34:32,427 life, whether anxiety is present or not. 612 00:34:32,427 --> 00:34:37,437 That even makes me, because I have chronic pain and other kind of history stuff too. 613 00:34:37,787 --> 00:34:42,037 But it also makes me think if you develop basic mindfulness skills, 614 00:34:42,537 --> 00:34:47,097 then you also catch what you're feeling in your body before it becomes 615 00:34:47,097 --> 00:34:49,407 chronic or before it becomes worse. 616 00:34:49,417 --> 00:34:51,777 So, it just, it makes absolute sense. 617 00:34:51,817 --> 00:34:58,272 All the years that I was coached to reduce or told by medical professionals, "You 618 00:34:58,272 --> 00:35:03,532 need to reduce your stress, you need to start meditating," but that didn't sink 619 00:35:03,532 --> 00:35:08,792 in for me as much as what you just said: that if you can cultivate some basic 620 00:35:08,822 --> 00:35:12,882 mindfulness, you can notice what's going on with your body before it's a crisis. 621 00:35:13,382 --> 00:35:16,192 Yes, I think you summed that up perfectly. 622 00:35:16,712 --> 00:35:20,742 And that literally starts with just like taking one mindful breath, going 623 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:25,392 to the window and just looking outside, sinking your toes into the dirt. 624 00:35:25,882 --> 00:35:30,932 That's literally the start of your mindfulness journey, and it's so 625 00:35:30,932 --> 00:35:32,252 cool to see where it can take you. 626 00:35:33,112 --> 00:35:34,422 I can't thank Dr. 627 00:35:34,422 --> 00:35:39,072 Alice Rizzi enough for joining me for this episode, and I hope you have a few helpful 628 00:35:39,082 --> 00:35:45,582 takeaways to help you de-perfect and not overthink your mindfulness practices. 629 00:35:46,082 --> 00:35:52,132 Alice's contact info is in the show notes at findrc.co/thinkydoers. 630 00:35:52,532 --> 00:35:56,292 And don't forget to join me for Goal Fridays or the replays. 631 00:35:57,142 --> 00:35:59,172 Thank you for joining and listening. 632 00:35:59,432 --> 00:36:03,902 I really can't wait to hear from you about what in this episode resonated, 633 00:36:04,002 --> 00:36:05,932 so I would love to hear your feedback. 634 00:36:05,932 --> 00:36:13,212 Also, don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter at findrc.co/newsletter, so 635 00:36:13,332 --> 00:36:17,642 you can hear about everything happening all at once before the general public. 636 00:36:18,392 --> 00:36:18,952 you can find 637 00:36:19,092 --> 00:36:22,012 me at Sara Lobkovich pretty much everywhere. 638 00:36:22,262 --> 00:36:23,982 I'm pretty sure I'm the only one. 639 00:36:24,552 --> 00:36:27,582 You're always invited to contact me by email. 640 00:36:27,742 --> 00:36:33,872 The easiest one to spell is sara, S A R A at Thinkydoers.com. 641 00:36:34,622 --> 00:36:39,712 If you have other Thinkydoers in your work world, please pass this episode along. 642 00:36:39,832 --> 00:36:44,812 We really appreciate your referrals, your mentions, your shares, and your reviews. 643 00:36:45,562 --> 00:36:46,912 Thank you for tuning in today. 644 00:36:46,932 --> 00:36:50,282 And I look forward to hearing the questions this prompts for you.