andrea (00:00)

If you're listening to this right now, I'm guessing that something just happened. Maybe you got a text, maybe you got an email, maybe your attorney called. Maybe your ex just did that thing that they always do that somehow still gets under your skin. Or maybe you're doing this scheduled parking lot meltdown that we talked about. Or maybe nothing happened at all. Maybe you're just exhausted.

Maybe you've been carrying this feeling inside of you for months. Either way, you're here and you're okay. You're going to be okay. For the next few minutes, you don't have to solve anything. You do not have to respond to that text message or to that email. You don't have to figure out your entire future. You don't have to make any decisions. Just stay here with me.

I want you to push all of the air out of your lungs, okay? You're gonna exhale, push that air out. Ready? One, two, three. Now breathe in. One, two, three. Hold that breath and push the air out again. One, two, three.

Now listen to me carefully. That feeling that you're feeling right now, that panic, that anger, sadness, fear, the urge to text back, the urge to defend yourself, the urge to explain, the urge to fix this immediately. Those feelings are all real, but they are not.

Emergencies. I'm going to say that again. These feelings are real, but they are not emergencies. Your brain is trying to convince you that something has to happen right now. But most divorce decisions do not need to happen in the next five minutes. Right now, your nervous system is activated.

Your heart is racing. Your thoughts are spinning. And when that happens, your brain starts telling you scary stories. Stories like, what if I'm alone forever? What if they win? What if I can't afford this? What if my kids are going to be damaged? What if my very best days are behind me? And if just hearing me

List those stories right now, brings you more tears, then hear me again. Your brain is telling you these stories. These stories are not your reality. Right now, right now, in this moment, there is not an emergency. I want you to push all of that air out of your body again. Ready? One.

Two, three. Now take in a breath. One, two, three. Hold it. And exhale. One, two, three. Right now, none of those questions need answers. Right now, we're giving your brain a break. I want you to look around the room.

Wherever you are, whether you're in a room, whether you're outside, whether you're in your car. I want you to find five specific things that you can see. Don't judge them, don't analyze them, just notice them. Say them out loud. Five tiny little things. A key on your keyboard, one of your fingernails, whatever it is, name them five things. Go.

Now I want you to name four things that you can touch. Maybe it's the chair, maybe it's your shirt. Four things you can that you can currently feel right now. Go.

Good. Now I want you to name three sounds that you can hear. Maybe it's the sound of my voice. Maybe it's another car outside. Maybe it's the air conditioner. I want you just to listen and name three sounds.

Good. You're doing it. You're here. Right now you are safe. You're not in the future. You're not in a courtroom. You're not in next year's custody schedule. You're right here. And you're safe right now. I want you to hear me on something. Your divorce, this is just a chapter.

Your divorce is not your identity. You are not the abandoned spouse.

You are not the high conflict co-parent. You are not the person who's getting a divorce. You are a human being who is navigating a very difficult experience. And that's different. Difficult experiences end. They don't end today. They're not going to end tomorrow. They do end.

For now, we're just gonna focus on the next hour, not the next year, the next hour. What's one thing that you can do for yourself in the next hour? Can you drink some water? Can you take a walk? Call a friend? Put your phone down? Maybe buy something that's made in China from Amazon before you put your phone down? Can you take a shower?

Just do one thing. That's it. Healing does not happen all at once. Healing happens with one regulated moment at a time. One breath. One. The decision that you made to even play this is a moment towards regulation. And before we go, I want you to repeat this to yourself.

I do not need to solve my entire divorce today.

I do not need to respond right now.

My feelings are real, but they are not emergencies. I am safe. I can do hard things. This moment will pass. Now I want you to push all of your air out one more time.

One, two, three, and breathe in. And this time I want you to hold your breath until you pass out. No, I'm just kidding, don't do that.

You are going to be okay. Trust me on this one. You are going to be okay. You have got this, and we have got you.