A few months ago I had an awful lot going on, both

with family stuff at home, business stuff, lots of

delivery to do, lots of prep to do, and there were some

staffing issues and I just felt completely overwhelmed.

Now often when I'm feeling stressed or when I've got a

lot going on, I'll talk to a coach or a friend and just

talking to them helps me get my head straight, I get a

list of actions, things get really clear and I know what

I need to do going forwards.

But this time sitting down, talking to people,

making lists of what I had to do didn't help.

I still just felt overwhelmed and actually looking at

the solutions and the list of things I had to take

action on just added to the feeling of overwhelm.

And I'm sure you can think to times when actually

making lists of things to do and getting the

solutions don't help with that feeling of overwhelm.

I think often we get stress and overwhelm a bit mixed

up and we actually think that having too much to do

and being overwhelmed leads to us feeling stressed.

But I've realised that what I got wrong about

stress and overwhelm is not understanding that there is

a difference between the two.

And yes, they are linked, but stress is caused when

the demands on us outweigh our perceived resources

for being able to cope.

Therefore, we feel stressed, we feel worried,

we're not going to cope.

So stress can happen when things are unpredictable

and uncontrollable and the demands are just too much.

Now, overwhelm is slightly different.

Overwhelm is caused by extreme stress as Brené Brown talks

about in her book, The Atlas of the Heart, she says that

Jon Kabat Zinn describes overwhelm as the all too

common feeling that our lives are somehow unfolding

faster than the human nervous system and psyche

are able to manage well.

And this really resonates with me, because when I'm

feeling overwhelmed, it's not just about too much to do.

It's about the fact that I just can't cope with

too much to do and I can't seem to get into action

and I feel this paralysis.

And the reason it's really important to know the

difference between stress and overwhelmed and what

it is that you're feeling is that the way out is very

different for each of them.

And if we get this wrong, what happens is we keep

trying to hit the nail in with a screwdriver.

It just doesn't work.

And often when we're overwhelmed and we're

misdiagnosing it just to stress, we're trying

to do more and more to solve the problem, which

adds and adds and adds to our sense of overwhelm.

If we get this right, it means we can spot when

we are overwhelmed rather than stressed and take some

appropriate steps that are going to really, really

help us get out of it.

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Jon Kabat Zinn, who is the person that brought

mindfulness really to the Western world, he says

that mindful play, no agenda or non doing time

is the cure for overwhelm.

Not doing more and more, not trying to find solutions,

it's actually stopping and giving your brain a rest.

And actually we know that in overwhelm, your brain can't

process emotions very well.

We make really bad decisions.

So actually stopping is probably the

best thing for us.

That can be stressful in itself because if we've

got too much to do, what are we doing stopping?

That's going to make things worse, but no, it won't.

It will give your system a chance to settle down.

It will give you a chance to get out of the corner,

just to get out of that sympathetic fight, flight

or freeze zone and into your parasympathetic rest and

digest zone where you're able to think much more clearly.

So doing nothing or rest is the way out of overwhelm.

So how do we do this?

Well, first of all, we need to recognize when we're

in overwhelm, that feeling of our nervous system

not being able to cope.

And then we really need to be pretty ruthless about

saying that is it, I am going to put some downtime here.

And it may well be canceling things.

It will also be ruthlessly eliminating hurry from

our lives at that point.

And this is something someone did with me once when I

was really in overwhelm.

They looked at my diary and said, right, Rachel,

let's cancel this, this, this, and this.

They were all things that I thought were incredibly

important, I couldn't cancel.

But actually it was very easy to cancel them.

People weren't at all offended and they totally understood.

So get some help with this.

Ruthlessly eliminate hurry, cancel stuff out

of your diary and take the time that you need.

Taking the mindset of f it can be really helpful here,

just thinking actually, what does it matter?

What do these things matter?

Is the world going to end if I don't do this, or

if this doesn't happen?

Get a little bit of perspective on things.

And that will give us time to start to think

about what some of the stories in our head are.

Now, Nikki Odgers who was on a previous podcast,

always says that we tend to overestimate the severity

of the stuff that's happening and underestimate

our ability to cope.

And that's what causes us anxiety.

And I think this is the same in overwhelm.

We're probably overestimating the importance of all the

things we need to do, and we're underestimating our

ability to cope with them.

So just getting everything out on a piece of paper

can be really helpful.

And that's what Gerrie Hawes talked about in

the episode about how to deal with overwhelm

from a year or so ago.

So we'll put the link to that in the show notes,

do download that and have a think about that.

And try to catch some of those stories of people

pleasing and perfectionism and asking yourself,

is it really important?

Is this thing that I'm feeling overwhelmed about really

mission critical right now?

What if it didn't happen?

What does it matter long term?

So just start to question the importance of the stuff

that you're really attached to in terms of outcome.

And once you've had a break, once you've been able to

rest and look at some of the stories in your head, well

then you can move to some of the strategies you might

have for dealing with stress.

And that's all the things we talk about, about managing

your time, prioritising, looking after yourself,

putting in those wellbeing factors, having the right

conversations, being able to say no, being able

to recognize when you're rescuing too much and getting

out the drama triangle.

So there are definitely actions to do when you're

overwhelmed, but they have to follow a place of rest

and a place of non doing.

So, how do we reduce overwhelm in the future?

I've got a couple of suggestions.

One thing that you can do to help you with this

nothingness is to firstly, ruthlessly eliminate

hurry from your life.

So make sure that you are not crowding everything

into your diary.

Make sure you are leaving buffer zones between

appointments, between things you've got to do just to

sit and be, to allow time for a bit of nothingness.

One question that it might be helpful to ask

yourself is What will the future me thank me for?

So I know when I'm looking at my diary and someone's

saying, Well, can you do this delivery here?

Or can you come and do this training?

And can you come to travel here and here?

And I'm really tempted to fit it all in back to back,

it's fine now looking at my diary in the future, but when

the future me comes to do that, what will the future

me really thank me for?

And I know that there's been times when I've said no to

stuff and I've been coming home thinking thank goodness

I don't need to go home do that other thing now Thank you

past me for sorting that out.

So that's one way you can start to protect yourself

from overwhelm in the future to put buffers in.

Eliminate hurry and ask yourself.

What is the future me gonna thank myself for?

So stress and overwhelm are very closely linked and if

you want to know more about this I would really recommend

Brené Brown's book, The Atlas of the Heart, where

she talks about all of this.

but when you are in overwhelm it's really important to

recognise that the way out of overwhelm is perhaps different

from the way out of stress.

And then take the time that you need for

a bit of non doing.

Let your nervous system settle down so that you

can then return to problem solving with a clear head.

And if you are feeling overwhelmed right now,

here is permission to stop.

Here is permission to admit it to yourself,

take some time out.

Because you need to be in this for the long haul.

You need to bid it for the long run.

And being overwhelmed constantly put so much

stress on your nervous system that eventually

it will lead to burnout So look after yourself,

recognise the overwhelm, give yourself the time so

that you can serve your colleagues, your patients,

your families in the way that you know that you want to.