1 00:00:00,060 --> 00:00:01,970 I'm assuming that you're here for one of two reasons. 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,470 Number one is that you're in a dorsal vagal shutdown. 3 00:00:04,850 --> 00:00:08,390 Or number two is that you are caring for someone who's in a dorsal 4 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:12,600 vagal shutdown like a family member or maybe like a therapy client. 5 00:00:12,790 --> 00:00:16,379 I assume you already know the basics of the polyvagal theory. 6 00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:17,859 If so, then you're good to go. 7 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:20,220 But if not, this is not the place to start. 8 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,520 I highly recommend going to my polyvagal intro page. 9 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,500 It's for free on the website. 10 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:26,939 You don't have to sign up for anything. 11 00:00:26,939 --> 00:00:27,759 No email addresses. 12 00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:27,824 It's free. 13 00:00:28,165 --> 00:00:28,805 It's just all there. 14 00:00:28,814 --> 00:00:30,145 Get a deep dive into Polyvagal Theory. 15 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,984 and then come back when you're ready to learn more about dorsal vagal shutdown. 16 00:00:34,071 --> 00:00:37,401 You'll learn some new language for your experiences, you'll maybe get 17 00:00:37,401 --> 00:00:41,531 some empathy for yourself or for others, and you actually may feel 18 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,841 less alone and more normal as well. 19 00:00:44,041 --> 00:00:45,371 My name is Justin Sunseri. 20 00:00:45,391 --> 00:00:50,051 I'm a therapist, a coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. 21 00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:52,861 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with more 22 00:00:52,891 --> 00:00:54,721 calm, confidence, and connection. 23 00:00:55,026 --> 00:00:57,006 without psychobabble or woo-woo. 24 00:00:57,076 --> 00:01:00,546 This is of course not therapy nor should it replace therapy. 25 00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:03,896 Shutdown might be my most popular topic on YouTube. 26 00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:07,026 It has the most views, the most comments, the most shares. 27 00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:09,016 It's consistently the most popular. 28 00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:12,556 So I thought that creating more content around shutdown would be helpful. 29 00:01:13,101 --> 00:01:17,001 But in particular, I wanted it to be something that spoke to the common 30 00:01:17,491 --> 00:01:19,961 day to day experiences of shutdown. 31 00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:25,821 I wanted people in shutdown to relate to others and to feel more normal. 32 00:01:25,831 --> 00:01:30,251 So what I did was I created this survey and then I sent it out to my email 33 00:01:30,251 --> 00:01:31,681 list of a couple thousand people. 34 00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:36,201 And I got a whole bunch of responses, like way more than I expected that I would. 35 00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:39,001 So this isn't a peer reviewed study. 36 00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:42,901 It's not something that's worth being published in journals, 37 00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:43,961 at least not quite yet. 38 00:01:43,961 --> 00:01:45,551 And there weren't thousands of responses. 39 00:01:45,551 --> 00:01:46,661 But I got a lot. 40 00:01:46,711 --> 00:01:48,201 I got 75 responses. 41 00:01:48,201 --> 00:01:49,381 It went out to a couple thousand people. 42 00:01:49,381 --> 00:01:54,181 But I got 75 responses from people in shutdown sharing their experiences. 43 00:01:54,376 --> 00:01:56,966 Maybe in the future this survey will turn into something. 44 00:01:57,066 --> 00:01:59,366 I would love to do it again and flesh it out and make it better. 45 00:01:59,416 --> 00:02:03,596 This survey covers shutdown experiences, how these experiences 46 00:02:03,606 --> 00:02:05,206 impact daily functioning. 47 00:02:05,576 --> 00:02:09,716 It covers supports, it covers attempts to make change, how to cope. 48 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:14,701 And it even includes messages from the survey respondents to, to 49 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,291 you, to other people in shutdown. 50 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,881 So I have a lot of stuff I'm going to be making content around. 51 00:02:18,891 --> 00:02:22,321 This episode in particular focuses on shutdown experiences. 52 00:02:22,661 --> 00:02:26,761 Things like sensations, impulses, emotions, and cognitions. 53 00:02:26,761 --> 00:02:29,081 I call this S S I E C. 54 00:02:29,311 --> 00:02:33,081 The polyvagal state, that's the first S, leads to sensations, 55 00:02:33,171 --> 00:02:35,721 impulses, emotions, and cognitions. 56 00:02:35,761 --> 00:02:40,731 I'll have a link in the description to download the SSIEC sheet. 57 00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:45,467 Okay, so let's start off with the emotions of shutdown. 58 00:02:45,477 --> 00:02:50,377 I listed a whole bunch of emotion words in the survey and basically 59 00:02:50,377 --> 00:02:55,537 let the respondents identify as many as they could, uh, relate to. 60 00:02:55,657 --> 00:03:01,347 At the top, with almost 70 percent of shutdown respondents relating 61 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:04,577 to it, were alone and unmotivated. 62 00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,157 Why would someone in shutdown not feel motivated? 63 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:10,607 Well, it's because in shutdown, they lack energy. 64 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,607 Motivation requires energy. 65 00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:16,187 The way I understand motivation, it requires flight flight activation, 66 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,937 or mobility, plus the safety state. 67 00:03:19,437 --> 00:03:23,847 So when you're safe and connected, or at least when you're, we'll say, grounded 68 00:03:23,847 --> 00:03:27,537 in the present moment, when you're grounded and have mobility in your 69 00:03:27,537 --> 00:03:32,157 system, you can target, you can funnel that activation in a certain direction. 70 00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:33,337 I call that motivation. 71 00:03:33,437 --> 00:03:36,777 If you're in shutdown and you have no energy, how could you feel motivated? 72 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:37,917 How could you, there's no motivation. 73 00:03:38,057 --> 00:03:39,297 mobility with within you. 74 00:03:39,297 --> 00:03:40,517 There's no activation. 75 00:03:40,647 --> 00:03:42,537 Shutdown is a conservation state. 76 00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:46,217 That means it's conserving resources for coming out of shutdown and 77 00:03:46,217 --> 00:03:48,317 using them in fight and in flight. 78 00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:50,387 But while you're in shutdown, you're conserving. 79 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,737 Everything is shutting down. 80 00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:54,307 All your bodily processes are slowing down. 81 00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:56,057 There's literally like no energy. 82 00:03:56,502 --> 00:04:01,902 And so, how could someone in shutdown be motivated to do things like meet new 83 00:04:01,902 --> 00:04:05,302 goals, get a new job, do better in school? 84 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:09,102 Of course we want them to be, but while you're in shutdown, an active shutdown, 85 00:04:09,102 --> 00:04:11,362 it's very difficult to do those things. 86 00:04:11,562 --> 00:04:12,222 How about alone? 87 00:04:12,222 --> 00:04:13,032 That was another big one. 88 00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:14,102 People feel alone. 89 00:04:14,112 --> 00:04:15,322 Why would they feel alone? 90 00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:19,157 Well, because in shutdown, there's an impulse to reduce 91 00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:21,237 stimulation and to be by yourself. 92 00:04:21,557 --> 00:04:24,417 And so part of reducing stimulation, I think, is being alone. 93 00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:29,047 If you're not around people that are pressuring you, bugging you, or too 94 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,307 positive and social and annoying, then you might be a little bit 95 00:04:32,317 --> 00:04:34,027 better off, at least in that moment. 96 00:04:34,137 --> 00:04:36,527 So yeah, I think part of shutdown is you're isolating yourself 97 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,117 from others because it's just, it feels more comfortable. 98 00:04:39,227 --> 00:04:42,267 At the heart of shutdown is, is disconnection. 99 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:46,577 When we're in shutdown, our body is disconnecting from itself, from 100 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,987 the environment, from other people. 101 00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:49,777 So why would someone feel alone? 102 00:04:49,917 --> 00:04:51,947 Because they're in this state of disconnection. 103 00:04:52,137 --> 00:04:55,727 Numb was the next one as far as emotions go. 104 00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:57,907 It was the next one at 67%. 105 00:04:58,487 --> 00:05:02,937 Part of shutdown is dissociation or a disconnection from yourself, 106 00:05:02,947 --> 00:05:04,727 from the environment, from others. 107 00:05:05,207 --> 00:05:07,627 And that includes from your own emotions. 108 00:05:08,112 --> 00:05:12,712 When you disconnect from yourself, it's like you exist in your head 109 00:05:12,752 --> 00:05:14,232 or neck up, maybe just head. 110 00:05:14,872 --> 00:05:17,782 But all the stuff happening beneath you, you're really not aware of. 111 00:05:17,782 --> 00:05:20,072 You don't feel much at all. 112 00:05:20,082 --> 00:05:21,552 So there's a lot of numbness. 113 00:05:21,792 --> 00:05:26,552 At the lower end of respondents, uh, saying that they identify with it are 114 00:05:26,552 --> 00:05:29,692 rejection, guilt, abandoned, and shame. 115 00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:30,882 Which I was kind of surprised about. 116 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:35,317 So these were still common- each of them had, uh, 25 percent of 117 00:05:35,327 --> 00:05:39,737 surveys, surveyees, saying that they identify with those feelings. 118 00:05:39,737 --> 00:05:42,587 So it's still common, but not as common. 119 00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:51,487 To me, these are very specific aspects or representations of shutdown, likely 120 00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:54,127 as a result of specific life context. 121 00:05:54,297 --> 00:05:58,552 So someone in shutdown likely is going to feel numbness or likely is going to 122 00:05:58,552 --> 00:06:04,252 feel alone because it's prevalent with shutdown, but shame and guilt are more 123 00:06:04,262 --> 00:06:06,902 specific potential aspects of shutdown. 124 00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:10,722 Like grief in particular, that's going to come from the loss of a loved one. 125 00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:12,632 So grief is not always there. 126 00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:16,652 It's going to be there when a specific thing happens that triggers the grief. 127 00:06:17,012 --> 00:06:21,672 Guilt might be something that you got from your parents, like it's misplaced guilt. 128 00:06:21,762 --> 00:06:23,402 It's like they projected it onto you. 129 00:06:23,402 --> 00:06:24,062 Same with shame. 130 00:06:24,492 --> 00:06:27,802 So those aren't with everyone in shutdown, but it might be specific 131 00:06:27,802 --> 00:06:31,012 context that led to that within that individual in shutdown. 132 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:33,532 What I was surprised by is sad. 133 00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:38,682 Sad, I associate with shutdown a lot, but not necessarily, apparently. 134 00:06:38,972 --> 00:06:41,342 The feeling sad, the emotion sad only at 50%. 135 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:45,392 I mean, still, still a lot, but I expected it to be more. 136 00:06:45,392 --> 00:06:49,132 Depression and sadness often come along with shutdown. 137 00:06:49,132 --> 00:06:54,282 Yeah, obviously, but those are both emotions and someone who's in shutdown 138 00:06:54,432 --> 00:06:56,102 might not feel their emotions. 139 00:06:56,112 --> 00:06:57,182 So they may not feel sad. 140 00:06:57,532 --> 00:06:59,102 They might not feel depression. 141 00:06:59,102 --> 00:07:02,512 They might feel numb and numb was where was that? 142 00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:04,462 That was at the 67%. 143 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:09,042 So more people associated with numb than the specific emotions 144 00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:10,142 of sadness and depression. 145 00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:14,672 There was also some more specific words that the respondents put in. 146 00:07:14,692 --> 00:07:15,992 I'll give you a handful here. 147 00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:18,202 May added, wondering what's wrong. 148 00:07:18,342 --> 00:07:21,072 Lauren says, easily agitated or frustrated. 149 00:07:21,072 --> 00:07:24,262 That might be, uh, coming out of shutdown into a fight. 150 00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:28,202 Agitation and frustration or irritation as well are common with 151 00:07:28,372 --> 00:07:29,712 coming out of shutdown into a fight. 152 00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:32,062 Mary says, despair and exiled. 153 00:07:32,142 --> 00:07:33,902 Anne, number one, I had a bunch of Anne's. 154 00:07:34,402 --> 00:07:36,262 Anne number one says misunderstood. 155 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:40,872 Anne number two says utterly lonely, afraid to speak up, afraid to make any 156 00:07:40,872 --> 00:07:44,602 moves, unloved, unnoticed, unwanted, not needed, not important enough 157 00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:46,352 to speak up to do a single thing. 158 00:07:46,462 --> 00:07:50,702 Karen says powerless and blank number two, that was anonymous person. 159 00:07:50,712 --> 00:07:53,762 Blank number two says thwarted, defeated, and stuck. 160 00:07:53,992 --> 00:07:55,602 Anne number three says worthless. 161 00:07:55,702 --> 00:07:58,292 Tila says hopeless and longing. 162 00:07:58,402 --> 00:07:59,852 Lizelle says alien. 163 00:08:00,162 --> 00:08:02,212 D says, I don't give a sh** apathy. 164 00:08:02,292 --> 00:08:04,172 Julia says, desperation. 165 00:08:04,212 --> 00:08:07,182 Thank you, by the way, to the people who responded and shared your own words. 166 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:13,050 okay, so those are the emotions that people told me, uh, of shut down. 167 00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,380 How about thinking and shut down, the cognitions? 168 00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:19,110 The highest, by far, was disconnected. 169 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,590 At, uh, over 77%. 170 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:22,680 So why disconnected? 171 00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:26,065 Defense is disconnection, so flight, fight, shutdown, 172 00:08:26,065 --> 00:08:27,995 freeze, those are disconnection. 173 00:08:28,605 --> 00:08:29,825 The safety state is connection. 174 00:08:30,115 --> 00:08:33,175 If you're not in a safety state, then there's some level of disconnection. 175 00:08:33,285 --> 00:08:37,395 Shutdown might be the most disconnected out of all the states. 176 00:08:37,395 --> 00:08:38,535 Actually, I would argue that it is. 177 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:44,335 And as more dissociation comes from shutdown, the more disconnection 178 00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:45,205 that comes along with it. 179 00:08:45,365 --> 00:08:50,055 So that could be part of why The thoughts are, the experience of thinking is 180 00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:51,595 disconnected for someone in shutdown. 181 00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:56,605 There's also this sense of from shutdown that there's this experience 182 00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:58,305 of watching yourself from above. 183 00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:02,645 Like I'm thinking there's words here, but my existence or my thoughts are 184 00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:04,715 like floating outside of my body. 185 00:09:04,785 --> 00:09:07,635 I've had clients tell me they feel like they're viewing their 186 00:09:07,635 --> 00:09:09,115 life through a movie screen. 187 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:13,370 One person was so disconnected from themselves that they, they were in 188 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:15,120 the projector box, like zoomed out. 189 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,430 They were in the projector box watching their life, not even in the audience. 190 00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:22,880 They were in the projector box watching the movie on the screen. 191 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:27,180 That's how disconnected that they felt in this little dark room watching their life. 192 00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,790 Disconnected is not a super descriptive word. 193 00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:31,450 I wish I'd used something different. 194 00:09:31,590 --> 00:09:33,260 Um, but it did have a high response rate. 195 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,960 And I think there could be a couple avenues as to why people put disconnected. 196 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,750 The words in the middle of the survey actually describe disconnected. 197 00:09:41,025 --> 00:09:41,315 better. 198 00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:42,775 It's like flavors of disconnection. 199 00:09:42,805 --> 00:09:45,895 For example, uh, 57 percent is discouraged. 200 00:09:46,055 --> 00:09:50,665 Clouded at 54%, there's this experience of thoughts just being 201 00:09:50,795 --> 00:09:54,205 muddy or cloudy or foggy and just like trudging along through them. 202 00:09:54,305 --> 00:09:59,645 Slow at 49%, wishing things were different at 49%, and then hopeless at 47%. 203 00:10:00,435 --> 00:10:02,135 All those sound pretty disconnected, right? 204 00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:04,705 On the lower end is minimizing at 16%. 205 00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:06,925 Which I guess is not that big of a deal. 206 00:10:07,665 --> 00:10:08,095 That's a joke. 207 00:10:08,765 --> 00:10:11,545 And then pessimistic is at 28%. 208 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:16,105 And then negative thinking was at 29%, which I was actually pretty surprised at. 209 00:10:16,815 --> 00:10:19,485 I was also surprised that minimizing is so low. 210 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,575 I thought this would be higher. 211 00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:24,175 Um, but maybe minimizing is more of a flight fight thing. 212 00:10:24,175 --> 00:10:26,585 I think that minimizing can sound different from different states. 213 00:10:26,905 --> 00:10:28,095 I was expecting that one to be higher. 214 00:10:28,155 --> 00:10:32,285 Um, I did write about something called Cognitive Adaptations in my book, 215 00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:35,105 Trauma and the Polyvagal Paradigm, or at least in its current version. 216 00:10:35,105 --> 00:10:36,535 I'm rewriting it currently. 217 00:10:37,045 --> 00:10:38,235 Um, you can download it for free. 218 00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:39,775 I'll have a link in the description for you. 219 00:10:39,835 --> 00:10:42,715 But I wrote about this thing called Cognitive Adaptations, which is how 220 00:10:42,715 --> 00:10:48,275 we take our cognitive skills, like minimizing or catastrophizing and then 221 00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:52,135 how those skills can apply and look different in the different states. 222 00:10:52,165 --> 00:10:56,605 Respondents also included I'm broken and a mistake as far as cognitions. 223 00:10:56,605 --> 00:10:57,305 That's from Beth. 224 00:10:57,785 --> 00:11:00,905 Carol says seeking relief but unsure how. 225 00:11:01,445 --> 00:11:05,585 Rosa says constantly going over how I ended up in the states and 226 00:11:05,585 --> 00:11:06,975 what I could have done differently. 227 00:11:07,015 --> 00:11:10,145 Mary says powerless fear that time is running out looping 228 00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:11,725 and she can't escape the loop. 229 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:16,490 Anne number two says, like I'm a failure, unworthy, not meant to 230 00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:18,550 be alive, or a mistake in society. 231 00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:22,750 Anne three says, thinking of my own death, thinking I must deserve bad things. 232 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,560 And Giulia says that I deserve better. 233 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,249 How can other people get done, but I can't. 234 00:11:30,617 --> 00:11:32,957 So that's emotions and cognitions. 235 00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:35,457 How about sensations of shutdown? 236 00:11:35,647 --> 00:11:37,847 This is the stuff that's underneath the emotions. 237 00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:40,927 It's the things like, well, basically how do you know that you have 238 00:11:40,927 --> 00:11:42,807 an emotion when you feel happy? 239 00:11:42,987 --> 00:11:46,067 How can you tell that happiness has a feeling in your body? 240 00:11:46,077 --> 00:11:47,187 I call those sensations. 241 00:11:47,227 --> 00:11:51,817 Heavy and disconnected were at the top with almost 70 percent of 242 00:11:52,177 --> 00:11:54,287 respondents relating to those words. 243 00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:58,187 Again, disconnected, um, as a sensation of, I think that feeds 244 00:11:58,187 --> 00:12:00,217 into the emotion of loneliness. 245 00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:02,257 Shutdown is disconnection. 246 00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:06,917 It probably also feeds into numbness, which we saw in emotions and dissociation. 247 00:12:06,947 --> 00:12:10,667 So disconnection as an underlying sensation of these emotions. 248 00:12:11,307 --> 00:12:12,517 It's, I think it's pretty prevalent. 249 00:12:12,517 --> 00:12:14,347 I think disconnection is a big part of shutdown. 250 00:12:14,447 --> 00:12:15,247 And then why heavy? 251 00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:16,287 Because there's no energy. 252 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:18,237 In shutdown, everything's slowing down. 253 00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:21,837 So it's just a sense of like heaviness of being pulled down or having 254 00:12:21,837 --> 00:12:23,287 something draped on top of you. 255 00:12:23,347 --> 00:12:26,247 In shutdown, the body kind of wants to collapse. 256 00:12:26,247 --> 00:12:27,407 It wants to immobilize. 257 00:12:27,407 --> 00:12:28,602 There's no energy to it. 258 00:12:28,942 --> 00:12:30,742 And it just feels like it's being pulled down. 259 00:12:30,832 --> 00:12:36,722 In the middle of the sensation words are Empty at 54 Numb and Hollow both at 260 00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:41,002 45 Unreal at 37 and Invisible at 35%. 261 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:44,782 On the lower end of sensation words are Faint and Folded at 262 00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:47,852 10 and Floating around 13%. 263 00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:51,152 Floating specifically would describe dissociation. 264 00:12:51,412 --> 00:12:55,132 Or some level of dissociation where you feel disconnected from your body. 265 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:58,342 So dissociation and floating come from shutdown, but not everyone 266 00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,472 in shutdown has that experience. 267 00:13:00,477 --> 00:13:05,102 I would say if you're entering into a dissociative, more disconnected, 268 00:13:05,107 --> 00:13:08,332 floaty kind of feel, you're getting deeper into shutdown. 269 00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:12,162 People can be in shutdown and still function day to day, but the more you get 270 00:13:12,162 --> 00:13:15,867 into shutdown, the more disconnected the more potentially dissociative you become. 271 00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:17,257 So floating would be one of those words. 272 00:13:17,687 --> 00:13:18,447 Same thing with faint. 273 00:13:18,607 --> 00:13:22,437 The extreme of shutdown is actually playing dead and fainting. 274 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:27,017 I was surprised that the word small, the sensation of small, is at 25%. 275 00:13:27,047 --> 00:13:27,947 I thought that'd be higher. 276 00:13:28,327 --> 00:13:33,817 Usually, or oftentimes, with my clients that are in more of a shutdown, depressed 277 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:37,477 kind of state, they feel pretty damn small and they report that frequently. 278 00:13:37,477 --> 00:13:38,197 So I'm surprised. 279 00:13:38,297 --> 00:13:43,592 The respondents also added, like Rosa, she said, Difficulty feeling my body even 280 00:13:43,592 --> 00:13:48,172 when consciously touching different parts of my body very disconnected dissociative 281 00:13:48,512 --> 00:13:51,062 potentially kind of state not a or nade. 282 00:13:51,092 --> 00:13:51,432 I'm not sure. 283 00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:55,857 Sorry said I am not here anymore Anne number two said, like there's 284 00:13:55,857 --> 00:13:59,297 a very heavy blanket, there you go, on my body that I didn't want, 285 00:13:59,857 --> 00:14:01,177 and she feels this on the outside. 286 00:14:01,677 --> 00:14:05,507 On the inside, it feels like my blood is not moving or stagnant, like I 287 00:14:05,507 --> 00:14:09,627 am only a head and torso and all of my limbs are sleeping or just gone. 288 00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:13,397 Like my heart needs warm stimulation before any parts 289 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,127 of my body are able to keep up. 290 00:14:15,307 --> 00:14:18,527 Karen said, I exist in my head, and then my head is only doing what 291 00:14:18,527 --> 00:14:20,302 I can is on your thinking list. 292 00:14:20,312 --> 00:14:23,622 So the stuff, the words I listed on my thinking list, Karen 293 00:14:23,622 --> 00:14:25,042 saying I associate with those. 294 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:26,912 Everything else, I don't know what the heck's going on. 295 00:14:27,082 --> 00:14:27,972 There are no sensations. 296 00:14:28,062 --> 00:14:31,782 And then LAF said that they feel like they are outside of themselves. 297 00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:36,969 Last piece here is the impulses of shutdown. 298 00:14:36,969 --> 00:14:39,559 What is it your body wants to do from shutdown? 299 00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:44,329 Isolate was alone at the top with, which interestingly, 300 00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,349 isolate was alone at the top. 301 00:14:46,759 --> 00:14:49,209 with 84 percent of people identifying. 302 00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,339 That's pretty darn high. 303 00:14:50,429 --> 00:14:54,849 Why would isolation be at the top as far as what you want to do from shutdown? 304 00:14:55,609 --> 00:14:56,529 Everything's a threat. 305 00:14:56,589 --> 00:14:57,379 You want to be alone. 306 00:14:57,389 --> 00:14:58,969 You want lower stimulation. 307 00:14:59,389 --> 00:15:03,059 So that means cutting people out and being by yourself. 308 00:15:03,209 --> 00:15:04,199 Everything's overwhelming. 309 00:15:04,229 --> 00:15:07,689 Even being around other people that otherwise might be safe people that 310 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,119 otherwise might be co regulators. 311 00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,759 It might be too much in a deep enough shutdown state. 312 00:15:11,809 --> 00:15:14,189 Up next were disconnect and being quiet. 313 00:15:14,209 --> 00:15:15,914 Those were 67 and 70%. 314 00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:19,664 Uh, basically again isolating with lower stimulation. 315 00:15:19,754 --> 00:15:20,794 That's what I'm hearing here. 316 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:27,564 So disconnection and being in quiet Probably feed into the isolate but um You 317 00:15:27,564 --> 00:15:31,394 can disconnect And be with someone you care about you can be in quiet and be with 318 00:15:31,394 --> 00:15:34,194 someone you care about so I don't think you necessarily Have to isolate for that 319 00:15:34,304 --> 00:15:41,264 and then be in the dark interestingly was at 34 A lot of times my shutdown clients. 320 00:15:41,264 --> 00:15:45,314 They want to be alone with lower stimulation in the dark. 321 00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:48,344 Maybe a small light on here, you know, in the, in the room or two. 322 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:50,804 A lot of times they want darkness. 323 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,424 So, I was surprised that it was at 34%. 324 00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:57,154 And then the bottom of the impulses section, or what is it you want to do 325 00:15:57,154 --> 00:16:00,054 from shutdown, is I feel like dying. 326 00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:01,294 And that was at 22%. 327 00:16:02,104 --> 00:16:04,694 This is probably more the extreme of shutdown. 328 00:16:05,104 --> 00:16:07,464 The body in shutdown is preparing for death. 329 00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:10,514 And, So if that's the state of the body, then the thoughts follow. 330 00:16:10,514 --> 00:16:12,384 Story follows state according to Deb Dana, right? 331 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,824 So thoughts of death can creep in. 332 00:16:15,004 --> 00:16:19,244 That might be outright thoughts of suicide, but it also could be general 333 00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:23,164 thoughts of like, I wish I wasn't here, or people would be better off without 334 00:16:23,164 --> 00:16:25,884 me, or it'd be easier if I wasn't alive. 335 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:28,714 Those kind of thoughts of death are gonna come from shutdown. 336 00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:32,914 So even though shutdown is this conservation state and kind of preparing 337 00:16:32,914 --> 00:16:36,174 for death, not everyone's gonna be consciously thinking about that. 338 00:16:36,184 --> 00:16:40,374 It might even the body's preparing for it, that person might not be deep 339 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:43,694 enough in a shutdown to where their thoughts are now being colored by, 340 00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:45,744 by that thought or by that state. 341 00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:48,974 Respondents also told me in particular what they want to do. 342 00:16:49,024 --> 00:16:52,694 Daisy says that she wants to sleep, nap, be in bed, lay horizontal 343 00:16:52,694 --> 00:16:54,474 and escape into background noise. 344 00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:55,634 Very, very, very common. 345 00:16:55,694 --> 00:16:59,204 Helene said nothing zone out, sit still sleep forever. 346 00:16:59,334 --> 00:17:03,178 Rosa said not feel or think and be in small spaces, for 347 00:17:03,178 --> 00:17:04,834 example, wrapped up in bed. 348 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:09,249 A said watch YouTube or movies for hours or days. 349 00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:14,069 Something I'll maybe clarify in the future is that what we want to 350 00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:16,239 do from shutdown can be different. 351 00:17:16,249 --> 00:17:19,339 One of them can be what does our state truly want, which might be 352 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:23,919 lower stimulation and being alone and having quiet so that we can feel 353 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,339 shutdown, like feel grief or feel alone. 354 00:17:26,389 --> 00:17:30,629 But from shutdown, we also might want to do other things just to like feel better. 355 00:17:30,629 --> 00:17:34,594 And that might be numbing out watching YouTube and Tick tock 356 00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:35,744 or whatever the heck else. 357 00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:38,604 So there might be things we do to make our feelings go away, 358 00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:39,684 but that's, that's different. 359 00:17:39,814 --> 00:17:41,704 So I might, in the future, I might separate these things. 360 00:17:41,824 --> 00:17:45,834 Anne 2 said, I want to mentally and soulfully speak words into the 361 00:17:45,834 --> 00:17:49,354 universe and connect me to anyone out there in the world for comfort. 362 00:17:49,404 --> 00:17:53,289 Tiia said, I also want to be contacted by my friends who always support me. 363 00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:55,419 Breaks my shutdown in a good way. 364 00:17:55,509 --> 00:18:00,039 Liesel says I want to feel supported in my choice to be lonely like to 365 00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:01,129 be understood Is what I'm hearing. 366 00:18:01,369 --> 00:18:04,509 Janey wants to have a cloak of invisibility. 367 00:18:06,892 --> 00:18:08,792 So what does someone in shutdown look like? 368 00:18:08,792 --> 00:18:14,022 Let's let's combine These answers with the highest response rates We'll put them all 369 00:18:14,022 --> 00:18:18,302 together and see if we can come up with a general shutdown description What I have 370 00:18:18,302 --> 00:18:23,282 so far is that someone in shutdown feels alone and unmotivated Their thinking is 371 00:18:23,292 --> 00:18:25,502 disconnected, discouraged, and clouded. 372 00:18:26,302 --> 00:18:30,692 They experience an underlying heaviness and disconnection, and they want 373 00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,572 to isolate with lower stimulation. 374 00:18:32,942 --> 00:18:34,652 I think that's a pretty good picture of shutdown. 375 00:18:34,892 --> 00:18:38,692 Someone who's in shutdown generally is disconnected, and 376 00:18:38,692 --> 00:18:41,072 they generally want to disconnect. 377 00:18:41,072 --> 00:18:44,982 Or at least on some level their body has this impulse to disconnect, be 378 00:18:44,982 --> 00:18:46,692 alone, and be in lower stimulation. 379 00:18:46,902 --> 00:18:50,482 Their daily existence is cut off in, like, every way. 380 00:18:50,902 --> 00:18:53,882 Emotionally, they feel alone, and then they cut themselves 381 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,732 off from others by isolating. 382 00:18:55,782 --> 00:18:57,652 And of course, not everyone, but it's often. 383 00:18:57,752 --> 00:19:00,332 Someone in shutdown, their thinking is a struggle. 384 00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:03,772 It's like they're disconnected from themselves, from their, their body, 385 00:19:03,812 --> 00:19:05,102 their cognitions from their body. 386 00:19:05,162 --> 00:19:09,292 Their cognitions also reinforce their aloneness with thoughts 387 00:19:09,312 --> 00:19:13,002 like, it's too hard, or I can't handle it, or what's the point? 388 00:19:13,082 --> 00:19:15,592 Or I knew it, I can't do this, I'm worthless. 389 00:19:15,682 --> 00:19:20,432 And their impulses within them are telling them to be alone and to disconnect. 390 00:19:20,532 --> 00:19:23,392 The experience of shutdown again is disconnection. 391 00:19:23,532 --> 00:19:27,347 The reason why someone's in shutdown is also, disconnection. 392 00:19:27,437 --> 00:19:32,907 Things like ongoing severe shutdown, they come from chronic disconnection, from 393 00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:36,437 repeatedly being cut off from safe others. 394 00:19:36,507 --> 00:19:40,897 Like in childhood or in an abusive relationship or in captivity. 395 00:19:40,937 --> 00:19:46,267 Any sort of like prolonged inescapable potential death can lead to being in 396 00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:50,097 a shutdown and even more particular might lead to fawning or appeasing. 397 00:19:50,227 --> 00:19:52,827 And I personally argue that these come from shutdown. 398 00:19:52,827 --> 00:19:57,427 They might be particular potential flavors of shutdown, but I think 399 00:19:57,427 --> 00:20:00,907 they're mostly driven by shutdown. 400 00:20:01,157 --> 00:20:05,277 Shutdown can also come from losing a loved one and through grieving. 401 00:20:05,327 --> 00:20:07,847 Shutdown, the experience of it day to day is disconnection, 402 00:20:07,847 --> 00:20:09,447 but it comes from disconnection. 403 00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:12,247 So if shutdown is disconnection, then what's the solution? 404 00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:15,177 The solution to shutdown is reconnection. 405 00:20:15,267 --> 00:20:18,637 And I know that's scary if you're in shutdown. 406 00:20:18,787 --> 00:20:22,172 Regardless, it is the solution, but don't let that scare you because I 407 00:20:22,172 --> 00:20:25,352 don't expect you to go and reconnect with yourself and the environment and 408 00:20:25,382 --> 00:20:29,262 people now this moment, uh, completely. 409 00:20:29,972 --> 00:20:32,992 Instead, we want to look for tolerable reconnection. 410 00:20:33,262 --> 00:20:38,292 We want to connect to the environment, to others, and to the self in tolerable ways. 411 00:20:38,652 --> 00:20:41,632 That means slowly reorienting to the environment. 412 00:20:41,682 --> 00:20:45,242 That means slowly coming out of your shell and reconnecting with others. 413 00:20:45,272 --> 00:20:49,082 Slowly allowing yourself to feel the full range of who you are. 414 00:20:49,162 --> 00:20:51,932 Don't expect to force your way out of shutdown all at once. 415 00:20:51,962 --> 00:20:56,122 Instead, let yourself come out of it a little bit at a time through reconnection 416 00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:58,382 to the environment, yourself and others. 417 00:20:58,572 --> 00:20:59,812 So how do you connect the environment? 418 00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,082 You use your senses, you use your sight. 419 00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:06,057 hearing, taste, touch, smell, whatever sense you have the most 420 00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:07,727 access to maximize it, use it. 421 00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:11,797 Identify with your senses what helps you to feel connection. 422 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,997 This would be connection to the external environment. 423 00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:15,757 You could also connect with others. 424 00:21:15,832 --> 00:21:19,142 Not everyone, no, and not random people, not strangers, no. 425 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:23,392 Maybe not even people in your life that are obvious red 426 00:21:23,392 --> 00:21:25,202 flags or obvious danger cues. 427 00:21:25,722 --> 00:21:29,587 Instead, find someone that is is a predictable source 428 00:21:29,587 --> 00:21:31,427 of safety or comfort for you. 429 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,197 If you have it, that could be someone, you know, on a personal 430 00:21:34,197 --> 00:21:36,357 level, it could be a therapist. 431 00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:37,177 It could be a coach. 432 00:21:37,407 --> 00:21:39,777 It might just be getting a smile here and there. 433 00:21:39,887 --> 00:21:43,627 Uh, when you're out walking your dog, these little tolerable moments 434 00:21:43,627 --> 00:21:47,537 of connection can help someone come out of shutdown little by little. 435 00:21:47,677 --> 00:21:49,187 You could also connect with yourself. 436 00:21:49,187 --> 00:21:51,417 That means to listen to your needs. 437 00:21:51,987 --> 00:21:55,107 Like, immobilizing and reducing stimulation, if that's 438 00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:56,387 what you need, that's okay. 439 00:21:57,017 --> 00:22:02,337 I don't want you to like, indulge in it, meaning oversleep and be in 440 00:22:02,337 --> 00:22:04,317 the dark and watch TikTok all day. 441 00:22:04,707 --> 00:22:06,267 That's not listening to your needs. 442 00:22:06,407 --> 00:22:07,267 No one needs that. 443 00:22:07,967 --> 00:22:13,417 Instead, it's listening to your need to have lower stimulation and doing that. 444 00:22:13,587 --> 00:22:17,627 Turning lights off, turning on a small dimmer bulb, having quiet, 445 00:22:17,697 --> 00:22:22,512 being alone, and just breathing and noticing your breath, listening to the 446 00:22:22,512 --> 00:22:24,132 sounds around you, using your senses. 447 00:22:24,682 --> 00:22:26,952 If that's what your body needs, listen to it and let it happen. 448 00:22:27,052 --> 00:22:28,592 No, it's not a one time fix. 449 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:32,432 Yes, you have to repeatedly do this and continually practice 450 00:22:32,782 --> 00:22:35,312 allowing shutdown while in safety. 451 00:22:35,552 --> 00:22:39,982 So part of this, this reconnecting with yourself and not actually, not just 452 00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:44,182 part of it, but the most important part of it is to be in your safety state. 453 00:22:44,982 --> 00:22:46,062 You're in shutdown. 454 00:22:46,082 --> 00:22:46,862 It is what it is. 455 00:22:47,012 --> 00:22:47,642 Don't fight it. 456 00:22:48,317 --> 00:22:52,487 Instead, focus on prioritizing being in your safety state. 457 00:22:53,077 --> 00:22:55,207 Identify what brings you to safety, practice it 458 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,687 repeatedly over and over again. 459 00:22:57,237 --> 00:23:01,837 As you get better at that, you'll be much better at this reconnecting with all 460 00:23:01,837 --> 00:23:07,747 of you, including sadness and guilt and grief and shame and all kinds of stuff. 461 00:23:07,977 --> 00:23:12,307 You'll be able to feel those internal sensations of heavy and emptiness and 462 00:23:12,307 --> 00:23:14,677 numbness, but while anchored in safety. 463 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:15,607 That's it for this one. 464 00:23:15,747 --> 00:23:18,407 I hope you got a couple of key things out of this episode. 465 00:23:18,912 --> 00:23:23,622 Number one, I hope you can validate your true experiences instead of ignoring them 466 00:23:23,692 --> 00:23:26,482 or minimizing them or coping them away. 467 00:23:26,652 --> 00:23:27,412 Acknowledge them. 468 00:23:27,642 --> 00:23:28,252 They are there. 469 00:23:28,332 --> 00:23:28,862 They are real. 470 00:23:28,862 --> 00:23:30,572 You do feel alone. 471 00:23:30,622 --> 00:23:32,002 You do feel sad. 472 00:23:32,142 --> 00:23:34,962 You do want to reduce your stimulation. 473 00:23:35,012 --> 00:23:37,052 Whatever it is, just validate it. 474 00:23:37,302 --> 00:23:38,162 Say it out loud if you need to. 475 00:23:38,172 --> 00:23:38,702 Write it down. 476 00:23:39,192 --> 00:23:41,352 That doesn't mean that you Indulge in it. 477 00:23:41,392 --> 00:23:43,222 Like I said, that's not what I'm saying at all. 478 00:23:43,862 --> 00:23:45,542 But what it does mean is just acknowledge it. 479 00:23:46,002 --> 00:23:49,192 So hopefully you got some new language that helps you do that. 480 00:23:49,362 --> 00:23:51,162 Number two is I hope you feel more normal. 481 00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:54,932 I hope that hearing part of the results of this survey help you feel 482 00:23:54,932 --> 00:23:57,282 like, oh, I'm not alone in this state. 483 00:23:57,302 --> 00:23:59,122 I'm not alone in these experiences. 484 00:23:59,502 --> 00:24:03,032 And other people out there can understand what I'm going through 485 00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,222 or are going through the same thing. 486 00:24:04,582 --> 00:24:06,367 So I hope you feel more normal. 487 00:24:06,497 --> 00:24:08,197 You're not alone in your experiences. 488 00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:10,547 There are so many other people out there in shutdown. 489 00:24:10,727 --> 00:24:13,317 Thank you so much for joining me here on Stuck Not Broken. 490 00:24:13,387 --> 00:24:17,627 Shutdown shows up in many different ways like I, like we've already said, right? 491 00:24:17,997 --> 00:24:21,187 Grief and sadness and numbness and on and on. 492 00:24:22,097 --> 00:24:25,217 If you're ready to take the next steps on getting unstuck from 493 00:24:25,217 --> 00:24:28,797 shutdown, I invite you to check out my Total Access Membership. 494 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:31,147 In the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership. 495 00:24:31,507 --> 00:24:34,377 You get access to my courses on trauma recovery. 496 00:24:34,377 --> 00:24:38,827 That's Polyvagal 101, Building Safety Anchors and Unstucking Defensive States. 497 00:24:38,827 --> 00:24:42,277 It teaches you the Polyvagal Theory, teaches you how to identify and build 498 00:24:42,277 --> 00:24:46,797 your safety state, and it teaches you how to actually feel and relieve your 499 00:24:46,797 --> 00:24:48,927 stuck defensive state like shutdown. 500 00:24:49,127 --> 00:24:53,212 On top of the courses, you also get access to my private- my wonderful, 501 00:24:53,642 --> 00:24:55,972 amazing- private community. 502 00:24:56,032 --> 00:24:58,032 We call ourselves the Stucknaut Collective. 503 00:24:58,112 --> 00:24:59,532 You get access to the Stucknaut Collective. 504 00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:04,132 You can ask questions, say hi, or just read comments and, participate when you're 505 00:25:04,132 --> 00:25:07,032 ready, if you're ready, you'll also be able to hang out with me and others a 506 00:25:07,032 --> 00:25:11,672 couple of times a month for open Q and A plus resources and all kinds of stuff. 507 00:25:11,812 --> 00:25:14,712 So if you're ready to take the next steps and go deeper in your unstuck 508 00:25:14,712 --> 00:25:18,287 in journey, Check out the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership. 509 00:25:18,297 --> 00:25:20,517 I'll have a link for you in the description, of course. 510 00:25:20,587 --> 00:25:21,897 Thank you so much for listening to this. 511 00:25:21,947 --> 00:25:25,057 I really look forward to welcoming you into the Stuck Not 512 00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:26,927 Broken Total Access Membership. 513 00:25:26,997 --> 00:25:27,277 Bye. 514 00:25:27,537 --> 00:25:31,297 This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or 515 00:25:31,297 --> 00:25:32,957 be a replacement for therapy. 516 00:25:33,837 --> 00:25:37,187 Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. 517 00:25:38,047 --> 00:25:41,697 Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are 518 00:25:41,697 --> 00:25:43,707 experiencing mental health symptoms. 519 00:25:44,602 --> 00:25:48,202 Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice. 520 00:25:48,352 --> 00:25:51,612 It is for educational and entertainment purposes only. 521 00:25:52,492 --> 00:25:55,772 More resources are available in the description of this episode 522 00:25:55,802 --> 00:25:57,022 and in the footer of justinlmft. 523 00:25:58,522 --> 00:25:58,922 com.