Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time

with you today.

I really hope from the bottom of my heart that you're doing well,

there's so much anxiety, and depression and aggression out

there going on right now.

It's

really, really tough times for all of us. And help you can take

time aside and really take good care of yourself.

Maybe every day, maybe a couple days a week,

to come back to your peaceful state, maybe even joy as core.

And remember how light and easy life can feel

in those tough times.

If you're driving right now,

maybe you should listen to that episode, because it's gonna be a

very relaxing one.

If you are walking, that's fine. But don't be operating machinery

or driving a car.

Today I want to talk about

every relationship advice that I've was never given and that I

was so grateful to, yeah, receive or to learn to observe

when it comes to dating. And yeah, romantic relationships.

We all talk about attractiveness, about

the intellect. So intellectually, it has to be a

match spiritually, it'd be good. If you guys are a match.

Physically, I mentioned already. And then sense of humor is very

important too.

But how about stress, I feel we all go through stressful

situations at times. And it is very interesting to observe how

different people react to stress.

And once we find out how the person is reacting to stress, we

know a lot more about them already. And we know how we can

cope together, how we can function together in a stressful

situation.

So I didn't make it a huge build up. Now I come out with my

number one relationship advice that I've never received, right

out the door.

Because I feel it is so important to see how a person is

relating to you. When there is stress. There's people who

completely shut down and don't want anything to do with anybody

else. They want to focus on that problem. And by themselves

through until they have resolved it.

There's people who

explode. So the first example I would say they implode. Second

examples, they explode, they run around like a chicken with his

head chopped off and panic and don't know what to do and need

other people to rescue them. And yeah, in some situations, we

need help from the outside. But there's people out there who

always search for a solution and the outside and they never

figure out for themselves as if they could find a solution

themselves.

And then there's people who are awesome, add communicating how

they feel, and at communicating

what they need from you as their partner. And then you guys are

in the same boat and you can support each other and be a very

strong team. But to be that very strong team, you first have to

know how that person is functioning. How do they

function on a daily basis? Are they totally OCD do they have to

have everything controlled?

Everything has to go their way. Otherwise they're unhappy or

irritated with you or with themselves, or are they pretty

easy going, and they can allow a little bit of chaos, they have a

good sense of humor. And you can kind of sense that if stress

comes up, they are reliable partners, I find this so, so

important to talk about because most of the time when we start

dating, we only focus on the exterior, on the appearance on

likes and dislikes, hobbies, food preferences, maybe music.

And then sex, of course, is a very important topic too.

But, and that it's tricky. In the beginnings, we always show

our best sides, and maybe on a day where you feel shitty about

yourself, you would cancel and not meet up with your date, not

meet up with your potential partner, because you feel not

good about yourself. Well, here is the news, they have to know

how you behave in your not so good situations, when you don't

feel good. And vice versa, you have to know how they behave

when they feel shitty about themselves or a certain

situation.

So of course, it takes some time until you get to know a person

on that level. But this is the time I beg you to absolutely

take because there's a lot of us out there who enter

relationships, because we don't like to be alone because our

biological clock is ticking.

Because of all sorts of

reasons. And then

we put these reasons, we make those reasons out very main

important priority, and enter the relationship. And the first

crisis comes around and you think Holy shit, who's that

person on dating, I didn't even know that person was capable of

getting so angry or so depressed. And, yeah, I'm trying

to make you guys and girls more aware of things that we have to

look at, when we look at dating, to then enter relationships with

more confidence, and to be more at ease with ourselves and make

better choices when it comes to our partners. So if you are in a

partnership now, and if you see, oh my god, whenever we have a

crisis, it's very crazy difficult for me to relate to my

partner, then I would say, talk about this and be open about

this. Because people can change and you have to believe that

people can adapt. And when you currently dating someone, and

you're totally lovey dovey, and excited, and sex is awesome, and

he probably likes your parents, or your parents like him or her.

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. But try to get to know that

person, on every level, that there is, before you fully

commit. Committing is a wonderful thing. I'm all for it.

But committing to the wrong person. Committing for the wrong

reasons, is a mistake that you will regret for a long, long

time.

And then

another art and this is also not to dissect the relationship

we're into to over analyze, but to live that relationship and to

go from the heart and to feel, hey, is that something I can

deal with? When my partner explodes when there is a

stressful situation? And vice versa for them? Can they handle

your worst you? Are they okay? The way you behave when you are

stressed out? Sometimes we also have to look at ourselves and

see that Yeah, when we were single, we were able to totally

lash out and be mad and sad for as long as we wanted. But now

you are in a relationship and you are responsible for your

well being. And you're responsible to bring goodness

into the relationship and to not poison your relationship. So you

have to deal with your stuff. You cannot use your partner to

have every solution at hand and you have to

Be independent in that way a little bit. I'm all for

interdependency. And depending on each other to some degree,

but when it comes to problematic situations, we have to show

ownership.

So, I think that's the main message I want to send out here

today. It's not about religion, it's not about attractiveness.

It's not about spirituality, or financial health. Those are

very, very interesting topics to talk about. But

bag baggage that the people bring into a relationship should

be analyzed a little bit, see what the person is bringing from

the past, into the present. And if that's something you can deal

with, and it goes so deep, that sexual preferences, for

instance, are deeply rooted in your past, maybe sometimes in

your childhood. So, experiment, explore, see if that person is a

good match for you. And be curious about your partner. Ask

them what makes them sad, ask them what makes them really mad.

And ask them questions about their childhood and hope that

they're open to it, to talk about it, to understand them,

because understanding a person is loving a person, because it

is Zen that we can show empathy. And it is then that they can

open up more and more. And we can see better and better if

that person is good for us. If we are good for that. Thank you

so much from the bottom of my heart to listen to this episode

today. You're listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your

host Aurora. And I really hope you're doing well. I really

asked you to send me requests and to tell me what you would

love me to talk about.

Because I want to serve you the best I can. I'm out here to lift

you up, to shift your attitude and to bring some goodness into

this world. take really good care of yourself. And I will be

out there for you tomorrow again. Bye bye.