Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we're talking about autistic burnout, what it can look like, what can cause it, and how we've supported our children through it. If your child is struggling right now, we really hope this conversation helps you to feel seen, understood, and supported. Everything we share here is based on our own lived experiences.

As parents, we're absolutely not medical professionals. Every child is different, and if you have concerns about your child's welfare, it's always really important to seek advice from a qualified professional.

Natalie Tealdi: Before we start, we thought we might explain, some of you may have noticed that we re-released some episodes for a few weeks,

Victoria Bennion: And anyone who's looking at any clips will be able to see that I'm wearing some very cool pink clip-ons onto my glasses today. Which is all to do with the story. On the 23rd of December, I was just packing up for Christmas and I ran out into the garden to [00:01:00] tell my husband that we were going out to deliver presents.

And we've got a really crazy Labrador, which I think I've referred to before, and from what I can gather, he saw me running, charged into me, and knocked me over. And so i've had concussion which makes it quite hard to look at the screen and, made it quite hard to even speak or think for a few weeks.

So this is our first recording since then where we are, gosh, three months later.

Natalie Tealdi: So we have returned and now she has flashy eyewear. I said they, they would look better with me 'cause they match my pink hair,

Victoria Bennion: They would, , but anyway, I can tolerate the screen with them on.

Natalie Tealdi: So today we're gonna talk about burnout. And this is something that can happen to anyone, but the autistic society states that being autistic can make fatigue and burnout more likely. That's due to the pressures of social situations and sensory overload. So if your child or the [00:02:00] person you care for is experienced fatigue or burnout, helping them to manage their energy levels is really essential.

Victoria Bennion: Have either of your children experience burnout, do you think? Na.

Natalie Tealdi: I was thinking about this and I don't think so. But I'm not a hundred percent sure because my son has a DHD, so I expect he was burned out when he was in mainstream school, but. Cause he's got that hyper element to him. It's not like he's gonna lie down and not be able to leave his room.

'cause he absolutely needs to get out of the house. Do you see what I mean?

Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: But is it something that you've experienced?

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Both my children have had burnout. One of my children twice, I would guess it was something that I didn't recognize with my daughter. It was pointed out by, one of the specialists from the Early Birds Course who I was speaking to suggested when she was at mainstream before she left, that she was in burnout and I wasn't so familiar what with it really [00:03:00] until that point.

Natalie Tealdi: And what does it look like?

Victoria Bennion: From the resources that I was given, it said to look out for increased meltdowns and more sensory sensitivity. This can be physical pain and headaches. So one of my children has migraines, and these were more frequent and interspersed with minor headaches. I'm not an expert on migraines, but. So many headaches.

My other child tends to complain of a lot of aches and pains all over when they've been in burnout. Other things that you can see are physically shutting down? Dunno if either of yours, do they ever shut down

Natalie Tealdi: No.

Victoria Bennion: or lose speech?

Natalie Tealdi: I don't think so.

Victoria Bennion: One of mine shuts down and and also loses speech when their anxiety's really bad and they're in burnout.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So I see a lot more of that,

Natalie Tealdi: And do they hide away as well?

Victoria Bennion: Both of them. When they've been [00:04:00] experiencing burnout, haven't wanted to leave their rooms.

It's a lot of effort. And they're very tired. Very fatigued,

Natalie Tealdi: And in certain situations do they also like cover their face and things like that when they can't cope?

Victoria Bennion: It's difficult for me to pull out what of that would be burnout? One of my children likes to cover their face with the anxiety generally. So, I would say when burnout's there that all those things are heightened, there're a lot more So balaclava are a go-to?

With the shutdowns, it's often in a school setting, so unfortunately it's been at mainstream and a specialist when they've been unable to cope and they've just completely shut down. And what I notice around that is the ability to speak also disappears, what works is me writing things maybe with a yes or a no answer or different options, and giving them the pen to point, just point.

Often it's not [00:05:00] even writing anything and that. Is one way that we can communicate when they're not really able to speak.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh, I see. So is that just. Of in normal situations when you need to know something, that's just how you communicate or that is that more when you're trying to work out what's wrong?

Victoria Bennion: I usually do that when I'm trying to work out what's wrong. They're unable to say what that, I might have had an indicator like that there's something wrong from them, but then they can't go any further with talking about what that is.

Or it can be you know, do you want to do this or do you want to do that? Choices are even harder. I mean, one of my children struggles so much with choices, which is probably another episode, but but again, in burnout. It's, even worse.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. What about social situations? Do you find that those are more difficult

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, the tolerance of a social situation is completely gone. So [00:06:00] I mean, they would both have preferred to stay in their rooms. Before I would've thought that any situation was stressful and exhausting.

And what I've learned over time is that's not true. So going out might be hard, but going into town, for example, where it's busy, there's a lot of things that would cause stress on a normal day when they're not in burnout. But that does not compare to walking. On the beach or doing a special interest.

So one of my children's, very much into metal detecting. So very metal detecting or for a walk in the woods. Not too far because of the aches and pains, but short outings are okay and actually I think can increase energy. 'cause what I've found is whilst they might want to stay in their rooms, it's not helpful after a certain amount of time for building up again.

So I try to make sure that I take my child out. [00:07:00] Once a day. And if that is just to the beach, 'cause we live five minutes from the beach, so it's very handy. But if it's just a walk along the beach with a metal detector, without the metal detector or a quick trip to the park, things that feel like they're not too demanding and they're not draining in any way, that can help.

Natalie Tealdi: That's tend to be what we do with our children. And is getting out in nature seems to refuel them, restore them.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's interesting that, isn't it? I suppose it makes a lot of sense one of mine particularly likes the quiet, doesn't like busy, I think it's just very restorative, isn't it, being out in nature.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and it makes me think of a bit like depression, when you want to shut yourself away and you don't feel like you have that energy, but if you can push past that and just get out and get a bit of sunlight, that actually really helps.

Victoria Bennion: Yes. Sunlight is helpful. Absolutely. , It's helpful for everyone, isn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, So the types of things that can cause autistic fatigue [00:08:00] and burnout. I think it varies. But it can be things like sensory overload, dealing with social situations having to mask in certain situations and hide their autistic traits. Suppressing stimming a sense of not meeting other people's or society's expectations of them changes to routine in day-to-day life. So a change of school can increase anxiety. These can all be additional causes for autistic fatigue and burnout.

Victoria Bennion: I think these are definitely things that have contributed to both my children's experiences of burnout. So one of my children definitely experienced this after changing schools, and I think you can pull into that a sense of not meeting people and society's expectations of them at the time and.

Requiring so much more effort to keep that mask up than what was needed before. Dealing with [00:09:00] new social situations and again, a really busy environment. And I believe that was what led to their burnout a hundred percent.

It took a few months to recover, and then my other child, there were changes to the timetable that they were struggling with. There was. A sense of pressure in a lesson where they couldn't get the hang of it.

There was my accident, which certainly accelerated all these issues. Sometimes I think that we don't realize how much we are holding up everything.

Once I. Hit my head. And then term started. I wasn't able to drive for two and a half months and even now I don't do the level of driving that I would've but my child school is a 30 minute drive.

I couldn't take them . . they're Very routine driven. So not only was it that I wasn't driving them often, they wouldn't be in our car. Wouldn't have the [00:10:00] soundtrack wouldn't have me there going through the timetable and being the go-between with the school,

they Had to put that mask up, which they managed for a couple of weeks. Initially after I had the accident, my husband took time off work and took them in and then. A very kind friend whose child is at the school offered to drive them.

And then sometimes our mom would take them. but all these things were different. And again, none were set. And because I was feeling so terrible, I'm not even there to support in the way that I would have with getting out of bed, eating breakfast, getting dressed, all those steps that lead up to it.

Natalie Tealdi: I think of it is there's always like a baseline of anxiety due to sensory, so every day can be different. Some days cl. Clothes aren't a problem. Some days they're a really big problem, but that can be just, if you've got nothing planned for the day, it can be the clothes that cause the anxiety.

And then if you add in [00:11:00] anything else, it's gonna layer up. And then if you've got big changes like, and especially unexpected things like an accident, that's a big deal. And that can really tip the balance with what they can cope with.

Victoria Bennion: A hundred percent.

One of my children when they're in burnout, cannot tolerate clothes just about underpants and a fluffy blanket on top. But that would be the default. And that's also a really big indicator to me that we're in burnout.

Also, no tolerance for teeth brushing and just materials.

Natalie Tealdi: It is like the things that they find difficult that on a good day they could just about cope with when there's something big going on or changes. Those are the things that are just, yeah, tip them over then, and it becomes exhausting, doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: Absolutely exhausting.

Natalie Tealdi: What can we do if a person that we care for is experiencing fatigue and burnout?

Victoria Bennion: So it was suggested to me that you've got to look at the energy accounting, [00:12:00] so looking at which activities drain you and which activities energize you. So start there and then try to plan and balance these activities over the day or over the week

I've talked in the past, I've been really guilty of overscheduling both my children when they were younger before I realized, and when they're not in burnout, they need a lot more recovery time. Then I would from activities.

So. When they're in burnout, I'm very careful, as we were saying. So look at those activities. So it may be that is a walk to the beach. Maybe it is a trip out into nature or maybe seeing a friend, but. I would start small and then we see how that goes and see what the recovery time is like. And when I say recovery time, so for my children, an indicator that they are wiped out is that they go to their rooms and they close the door.

So it's how long they stay in that state and will they eat. What's the tolerance like around [00:13:00] food? So for mine, food is another indicator. It is always tricky actually for both of them. But. When they're in burnout. Again, the IS sensory, isn't it? As you mentioned, that tolerance for feed is a lot less. For example, I took one of my children up. These are soy desserts that they sometimes have. They're a bit hit and miss at the moment anyway, but I brought the wrong spoon. So again, it's that tolerance level because that isn't always a problem in the spoon,

Natalie Tealdi: And also what about the reactions that you get to the spoon as well? Are they a bit more volatile than they would be?

Victoria Bennion: . A lot more emotional, absolutely.

Natalie Tealdi: So now not gonna eat it at all because you brought the wrong spoon. Not that you could go and get a different

would

Victoria Bennion: that's ruined. That's done.

We've had to just focus on there being a lot of downtime. Still getting dressed and we're still trying to stick to a routine, but it's more fluid, it's more flexible. It's [00:14:00] less.

I would say with my other child we approached it in a similar way. It might be one social engagement and then would need a lot of recovery time.

And then we just gradually built that up with support as well for this child.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and it's important to sort of recognize that these periods do happen, but they can come through them and recover and be happy and be able to cope again.

Victoria Bennion: Absolutely is temporary.

It does pass, if it's the first time your child's experienced burnout and knowing what it is for them, that gives them energy and what it is that takes it away and needs a little bit of experimenting with.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. I think it can be easy to sort of think about what. Helps yourself and try that and expect it to have the same effect on your child,

Victoria Bennion: I totally used to do that.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I'm sure that's very common.

Victoria Bennion: We hope you've taken something from our conversation today, whether that's a small idea to [00:15:00] try, or simply the reassurance that you're not alone in this. Just as a reminder, everything we share is based on our own experiences. We've shared some links to resources in the show notes, but it's important to seek guidance from professionals if you're worried about your child or need more tailored support.