Welcome back to Unfolding. I'm Erica Voell, a confidence and wellbeing coach, and a certified human design guide. And I work with women in midlife so that they can say no to what drains them because then they start to trust their decisions and understand their unique strengths. And together we clear old patterns and they learn how they're designed to make competent decisions and start putting themselves first. I believe your human design is your roadmap and your permission to do things differently and confidently. And today's episode is one part parenting, one part human design wisdom, and a whole lot of "me too." Family dynamics have become one of my favorite parts of human design recently, because family, let's be honest, we all have one or maybe we have two. Or we married into one that's very different than the one we grew up in. And this can be the source of gr our greatest joy, but it can really be part of our, our greatest WTF moments. And in our house, we have an 11-year-old right now, and I keep reminding myself that she's gonna be this amazing leader one day because I really need that reminder, especially when I'm being interrogated over a decision that she doesn't agree with. I'm sure you've had this experience if you're a parent. And many times I just need five minutes of silence after she's debated shower time or bedtime. And I know we're only in the beginning of this since she's 11. But lately, as I've been prepping lessons for my Empowered Confidence Collective and building something really exciting behind the scenes for a special upcoming special in bay, I've noticed how much more drawn I am to this question, like, how do our designs shape our relationships? Because if you're navigating motherhood, a life transition, an identity shift, or just feeling like you're losing yourself in the process of taking care of everyone else, I want you to know this. You are not broken, and neither is your kid and neither is your partner. We're all navigating life differently with these different energies that we're born with, which can be challenging in itself because we were raised to think that we all operate similarly. Especially if you were raised in a household with a certain type of parent and they expect you to just all fall in line. But obviously when you're out on your own, you know that's not the case. And parenting's the same. It's not a one size fits all either because neither are we, we're all different as parents. We're all different as a, as people. And human design actually gives you a language for what you already feel in your body and your heart. And what I love is that it's not about fixing anything. It's about really understanding how you're wired, how we are wired, and how then your partner and your kids are wired, and how you can meet each other in the middle somewhere. So let me give you a couple examples. For my daughter, she has what is called a collaborative definition, which means that she needs someone around a lot of times for her to process information. She needs someone close by when she's like navigating something new, and it's not for us to hover, but it's really to give her an anchor so that she feels safe, to stretch her wings. This little insight alone changed how we approach new situations. My husband and I both have single definitions and we process things fast and we're very independent and we couldn't figure out why she needed us there with her. And once we learned this, that seemed to shift the energy so much. And then another example is my sister, she's a projector. For so many years, I thought she was just giving me advice, always seeing things that I was, I didn't wanna see. And now I know that she's really offering wisdom because she actually sees things and feels things that I don't, and she knows when something can be better. So shifting my understanding is actually softened things. I feel like we have a better relationship and I went from feeling criticized to now I actually feel supported. And it's, it's a really amazing thing. And one of my clients recently told me, and you'll hear her interview in a few weeks that understanding her husband's charts and her son's charts actually helped her better communicate more effectively and meet their needs in a way that truly supports them. She's a generator and she lives with two projectors and they need that invitation, but they also need more rest, and she no longer sees their midday rest as laziness, but it's something that is essential for their energy. And this is why I do this work and why I have dived so deeply into human design. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. And I see so many practical applications, especially with parenting, because we get these little humans and we think that. Oh my gosh. I just need to keep them alive for that first year. And then as they grow and that personality starts to come out, helping them navigate the world can be really challenging, especially if they're so different than you. So learning how to parent without guessing, and then also navigating your relationships and trying to figure out why you feel like you're constantly meeting resistance. You don't have to keep fighting your way through conversations and wondering why everything feels hard. With human design, you can start to see the patterns and you can start to soften them or even break them, and then you can show up as a parent with a lot less doubt and so much more trust in yourself and in your kids and your partner. One of the things I love most about human design is that it gives you permission to be who you truly are and to stop trying to do it the way your friend does or your parents did, and to stop thinking that your kid should be more like someone else's or that one kid if you have two or more. One kid should be one way and one kid should be the other. I don't know how many people say, you know, I was always told I should be more like my brother or I should be more like my sister. But there was never any honoring of how they operated and how their energy worked. And so with human design, I give you tools that will recognize your strengths and theirs, and then you can meet each other with more grace. Navigating those hard days without guilt and a lot more clarity. And if you're like me. I love to share what I've learned and I love to pass along things, and I love those aha moments. And interestingly enough, that actually shows up in my chart and I can't help it. So we'll talk about that more another time and then you'll understand why I'm so excited about what I'm building now. Because I know this isn't just helpful, it's actually life changing, and honestly, I wish I had known this about my family years ago. I wish I'd known this about myself as a teenager, a 20 something. I know I needed to make those mistakes. I know I needed to navigate it my on my own, but I would've understood why I was operating the way I was and that I wasn't broken. I spent so much of my life trying to prove my worth, but I don't have to. And I know that I make decisions in a much different way than most of my family. So if you're feeling like you've been white knuckling your way through parenting, or you just wanna understand yourself better or your kid better, I invite you to stay close because I've got something really exciting coming that I think you're gonna love. And in the meantime, I would love to leave you with this. You're doing better than you think. You have nothing to prove and your kid doesn't need to be fixed. Your partner doesn't need to be fixed, and you don't need to be fixed. You all need to be better understood. And I'll leave you with this. You're doing better than you think. You have absolutely nothing to prove you're worthy just for existing. Your kid doesn't need to be fixed. Your partner doesn't need to be fixed, and you don't need to be fixed. You all just need to be better. Understood. Thanks for spending some time with me today. I'll see you next time on Unfolding. I'm Erica Voell. Thanks.