The Journey of Balancing Work and Family

David

[0:00]To get a business up and running, you have to put in the work. And to rear up children who love, follow, and serve the Lord, you also have to put in the work for that as well. But the question is, how do you do both of them at the same time? And so today I brought on Chris Weidner to talk about his journey as a speaker and what he did to stay connected to and lead his family because he wasn't always at home. Chris has given over 2,500 speeches all over the world. He's been named one of the top 50 speakers in the world, and he's also a member of the Motivational Speakers Hall of Fame. So yeah, he's been busy over the last few years. He's also written 25 books, been translated in over 14 languages. And as a former pastor in Christian Missionary Alliance, Chris has recently started his own nonprofit called the Chris Widener Ministries to promote the work of revival and spiritual formation in America. And his latest book is called The Coming American Revival. And it's endorsed by President Trump, actor Kirk Cameron, and a bunch of other people. So Chris, welcome. And to start off with, what is one way that you have found to honor God in your business?

Chris

[1:01]Well, I think you have to do business by the book, right? You have to, you know, starting with character things like, you know, integrity, honesty, discipline, optimism, service, you know, serving your clients, you know, and all customers, employees, leading, you know, as a servant leader, those kinds of things. But then, you know, the book of Proverbs is filled with all sorts of financial advice and time management advice and relationship advice and all those kinds of things. And so I just, I find that placing your character and your skill sets under the authority of God, you know, tithing from your business, you know, all those kinds of things, letting God own your business and, you know, following his lead is the best way of doing it. And I put it this way, you know, a lot of times we say, hey, God, I'm going to go do this. Will you bless me? And, you know, I've done that a lot over the course of my lifetime. You know, it's trial and error and you learn to follow God. And a lot of times it's like, hey, God, I'm going to go do this. And I just imagine in hindsight, God going, all right, I'll see you in a couple of years when we figure it out that this isn't what I want to do.

David

[2:11]Oh, yeah, I can imagine that. Yep. Very good. Just wait for me. Just hang on. Just wait. We'll get there. Yeah.

Chris

[2:18]Yeah. Yeah.

David

[2:20]Um, my grandpa always used to say, God is never in a hurry, but he's never late. He's right on time.

Chris

[2:26]That's a good one.

[2:27]Chris Weidner's Unique Background

David

[2:28]Very good. Well, Chris, give us a brief background on your journey. What led you to be a speaker and what, what kind of things are you doing today?

Chris

[2:35]Yeah, well, I had a crazy upbringing. My dad died at four, 28 homes, 11 different schools, shipped off to live with relatives twice, once in the fourth grade, once in the ninth grade, made most of my money growing up, betting the horses at Long Acres Horsetrek, started drugs in the sixth grade. It was a crazy upbringing. And then when I was 17 years old, I became a Christian. I got invited to a youth group. I spent the night at my biggest pot smoking buddy's house on a Saturday night, woke up Sunday morning. His mother blew open the door at about 8 a.m. and said, get up, we're going to Sunday school. And I literally had no clue what to do. I didn't even know the term. I was like, that's how far removed from church I was. I didn't even know the term Sunday school. I'm like, well, I go to Monday through Friday school, you know, but whatever, whatever. So I went to this little tiny Lutheran church, Mount Cy Lutheran Church at the corner of 8th and Ogle in North Bend, Washington. And they had a great youth pastor there who took me under his wing and taught me two lessons. Well, first of all, he had two things I needed. Number one, size 11 cowboy boots. That was the first thing I needed because growing up without a dad, I didn't have a lot of discipline. And number two, he told me that God had a plan for my life. So I became a Christian and went to Bible college, became a youth minister and started speaking right out of college because of my crazy upbringing. People wanted to know how that got fixed.

Chris

[3:55]And so colleges, high schools, you know, places like that, summer camps. And then as I got older, I sort of transitioned into speaking to adults. I was a church planter, started my first church at the age of 25 in a little town called Issaquah, Washington. It's about 13 miles east of Seattle on I-90.

Chris

[4:16]And the denomination didn't have any money to give me, so I had to do something else for money. So I just kept doing my speaking business and did that for 11 years, pastored a church and had a sort of a secular speaking business going. And then in 2002, I decided to quit being a pastor after starting three churches there in the greater east side Bellevue area. And then from between 2002 and 2009, I worked seven years with Jim Rohn. I wrote his last book called 12 Pillars. I did two of those years. I was co-host of Zig Ziglar's television show. And then for the early two years, the first two years I was ghostwriting for John Maxwell. So that began to working with those three guys just catapulted my business. You know, people say, how did your business grow so fast? And I always say, well, it's a three-step process. First have John Maxwell call you, second have Jim Rohn call you, and third have Zig Ziglar call you. And that's all you really need to do. Once those three things happen, kind of everything else takes care of itself. So I've been writing and speaking full-time since 2002, as you mentioned in the intro, 25 books in 14 languages. And then about a year ago, I felt like God was calling me back into full-time

[5:35]Parenting Amidst a Busy Schedule

Chris

[5:30]ministry, not pastoral ministry, but speaking and writing and all those kinds of things. So started a 501c3 and building that ministry around the latest book, The Coming American Revival.

David

[5:44]Okay. Very good. So you had a number of kids. How many kids do you have?

Chris

[5:50]Six kids. One boy, five girls.

David

[5:53]All right. That's a bunch. Five girls. Now you have four girls.

Chris

[5:56]Yeah.

David

[5:58]Very good. Well, you've been on the road a lot. So what kinds of things did you do as a dad to help stay connected to your children when you weren't there?

Chris

[6:06]Well, you know, early on when they were little, there weren't really cell phones, the 90s, you know, that kind of thing. So later on in life, obviously they had cell phones and things like that, but I would call home every night, talk to the kids. And, and when I was home, I was home. That's the nice thing about a speaking business is, you know, you can do five speaking engagements a month and you're still got 20 days off, you know, cause you've got some travel time there and back. But so, you know, I coach my kids teams and go to their gymnastics meets and all those things. I made it a sort of my own rule that every single night I tucked each one of the kids in bed separately.

Chris

[6:45]Um, the other thing that I did that a lot of, a lot of times, you know, speaking engagements seem to be either in like a, a dumpy holiday inn room or at some swanky resort. And so, um, I actually have a list of all the great golf courses in the world that I've spoken at, but didn't play golf. And just here in America, we're talking about Sawgrass, the Pebble Beach, Whistling Straits in Kohler, Wisconsin, you know, these world-class golf courses I've spoken at and didn't play them. And so, uh, you know, people will say, do you ever stay a few extra days to enjoy the sites? And I always said, you know, most, most speaking engagements I ever gave, um, um, probably 70, you know, 70 right around that plus or minus a little bit. But I always said, you know, if I took one extra day on each of my speaking engagements, that's 70 days. That's over two months a year I would have lost with my kids. So, you know, when I was living in Seattle, I would do, I would try to do like three o'clock in the afternoon speeches. I'd fly down to San Diego in the morning and fly back that night. Or, you know, fly down the night before late, get in at eight, nine o'clock, give my speech in the morning and be home by the afternoon, that kind of thing. So really trying to manage my schedule and making sure that when I was home, I was really home.

David

[8:04]Sure. No, that's good. That's good. Because sometimes business people are home, but not really home. They're home on their phone or home, continue looking at the computer and things like that.

Chris

[8:13]Yeah, they're physically present, but they're not mentally present.

David

[8:16]Absolutely. So what advice would you have for business owners to help separate that to help get home and stay home versus being distracted?

Chris

[8:25]Well, the first thing I would do is, is, uh, I would buy the book first things first by, by Stephen Covey. It's his time management book. And he has a quad, he has four quadrants and it's all a mixture of the, uh, the important, unimportant and urgent, non-urgent. And the idea is get into the quadrant where you're spending your, your time, uh, on the important, non-urgent things. And when you first buy the book and you first start managing your time, it's a little difficult because most people are doing unimportant things at an urgent time frame. So you want to move your life into the important things in an unurgent manner.

[9:03]Time Management for Business Owners

Chris

[9:03]I think that time management and disciplining yourself to time management is the number one thing because, um, you know.

Chris

[9:12]Turn your computer off at five o'clock and walk out the door, You know, my wife has a very big job for one of the largest telecoms, the largest telecom company in America, and she sells over $600 million a year worth of products and services, and she shuts her computer off at 5 o'clock. Down goes the laptop, and she's out. Because, you know, I was just telling her, you know, it'll all be there tomorrow morning at 9 a.m., you know, you're not going to save the world at six o'clock. And, um, she's always been, you know, she's always been a very strong work ethic, very strong worker. And, um, and really, you know, coached her into shut your computer off at five o'clock and just walk away from it. And now I know different people have different businesses, you know, some, some guys own restaurants, right? Well, you got to be there from noon until 11 o'clock at night. And so that means in the mornings, your kids are at school, you don't get to spend time with them. I would just say, go to work late and do breakfast with your kids. Take them out for breakfast once a week, something like that. I know there's some jobs that have weird schedules, but for the most part, we're working the same time they're going to school. Make sure that you get home. Make sure that you have dinner with your family.

Chris

[10:25]Some of the things we did when the kids were growing up was we did a family dinner every Sunday night. Everybody was required to attend. When the kids were growing up, we had what was called no screen Sunday. So no TV, no computer, no phone. Of course, they didn't have phones growing up, but no screen Sunday. Nobody gets on a screen in our house on Sundays. It's for reading, hanging out, playing games, you know, those kinds of things. So, but I think it requires discipline and the discipline will come when you realize what's really important in life. Nobody from work is going to show up at your deathbed and say, boy, it was really great working in the cubicle next to you for the last 30 years, but your kids are going to be the ones that are there. And so making sure that you understand what's really important in life and then disciplining your time to, to put that important time into your, your relationships, whether it's your spouse, your children, or your, or your close friendships.

David

[11:19]No, those are all very good, very good things.

[11:22]Preparing Children for Independence

Chris

[11:22]Yeah.

David

[11:22]Um, we, we talked a little bit on our pre-call about getting your kids prepared for life. Yeah. Um, what are the metrics or things that you wanted your kids to be able to do before they left the home?

Chris

[11:38]Yeah. So my philosophy growing, when the kids were growing up was that when they turn 18, my job is to have them fully prepared to live their own life by the time they're 18. Do they know how to handle money? Are they disciplined? Do they know how to manage their time? Do they know how to have healthy relationships? Do they know how to communicate? My daughter, she's 33 now, I guess. 33, 34. They're always changing.

Chris

[12:08]She tells me, you know, this is... 16 years after moving out of my house, she still says, dad, I'm so glad you taught me how to give a firm handshake. She said, I get complimented at least once a week from somebody, usually men who, when they shake my hand, go, wow, that's a firm handshake. And she says, I always tell them my dad taught me to give a firm handshake, you know, just understanding how life works and, and all those kinds of things. Um, so that they can take care of themselves. They can provide for themselves. They can have good relationships. I had one daughter. She's 32 now. And we homeschooled our kids until high school. Then we put them into high school. And she came to me when she was 16 at the end of her sophomore year. And she said, Dad, I don't want to do this anymore. School is the most boring thing on earth. She's the one who used to get when we were homeschooling, she'd get up at 5 a.m. She'd do two hours straight of doing her work. And then she had from seven o'clock till the time she went to bed to herself. Now she's stuck in a public school where most of the time is just shuffling around and waiting for things. And she said, dad, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to get a good job. I want to like it. I want to live my life and I don't have big ambitions like you do. And I said, all right, there's three things we need to do first. I'm happy to discuss that with you.

Chris

[13:22]But here's the thing. She worked at a small chain of high-end grocery stores. It's basically just in Seattle. She had a good job. She was working, you know, you have to get your GED and prove to me that you've learned what you need to learn. She did. I said, you have to get the store to give you 40 hours a week that comes with medical insurance. She did. I said, you need to find a place to live that you can afford off of the money you're going to make on 40 hours a week. She did. She found a single mom with a room to let, and she paid $400 a month rent, and out the door she went at 16, and she's been self-sufficient ever since.

David

[14:06]Yeah, it's quite a story.

Chris

[14:07]Our job is to prepare our children to be able to do it themselves. And there's too many people, you know, in fact, my kids, if they move back in, I had a rule. You move back in and you're not going to college. You pay me $400 a month rent. So I have a nephew who passed away at 24, 25, something like that. So we're all at the funeral and the funeral's over and we're all hanging out, you know, the reception or whatever. And one of my nieces comes walking up, my sister's daughter. her. She was like 29 years old. I said, so what are you up to? And she goes, oh, I'm living at mom's house. And I said, oh, what does she charge you for rent? She goes, she didn't charge me rent. And I go, oh, you're lucky you're not my kid. I charge rent. She goes, you do not charge rent. I said, I charge $400 a month. And it's not like I needed it. It's not like it even covers the food and stuff or the electric, but I wanted them to be responsible. She goes, you do not charge rent. And I said, Hannah's living at home right now. And Hannah was clear across the room, so she couldn't hear our conversation. So there was no way for me to set it up. I said, call her over here and ask her. Hannah comes watching her. Hannah, come over. Hannah comes over and she goes, does your dad charge you rent to live at his house? She says, yeah, every month, $400 a month. And she went, I can't believe it. You're living anywhere else you're going to pay rent. So, you know, it's not about me needing the $400 a month. It's about you being disciplined enough and responsible enough to be able to provide for yourself.

David

[15:34]Yes. And it's teaching that responsibility. Absolutely. 100%. I know my kids, when they get a car, they're paying for the insurance. They're paying for the car, paying for the insurance and paying for the gas and all that. I know I didn't have to do that growing up, but I didn't have the work.

Chris

[15:49]Here's what we did. I bought the car. I owned the car and I would make major repairs. You know, if, if, if, if you need a new carburetor, I'll pay for it. You have to pay for your gas. You have to pay for your insurance and you have to pay for the minor things like new tires, oil changes, you know, that kind of stuff. But I owned the car. And, uh, when they got old enough, a couple of them bought the car from me. No, it was greatly reduced. And I always bought them used cars. I didn't buy them brand new cars or anything. In fact, I think I bought a few PT cruisers for the girls. But so, no, they have to understand, you're not going to get a free car from anybody else. I'll provide you the car, but you have to be able to afford it. If you can't afford it, ride the bus. I rode the bus. When I was a kid, I rode the bus. I lived in North Seattle. And I mentioned earlier, I made most of my money betting the horses at Longleaker's horse track when I was growing up. from the time I was in the sixth grade, I made the two hour bus trip because you got to transfer in downtown Seattle. Then you got to go here. Then you got to transfer there. Starting in the sixth grade, I was riding the bus two hours a day on the weekend, Saturdays and Sundays when I was at the track, man, I was living in North Seattle. I had to take a couple of buses to get downtown Seattle. I'd take a couple of buses to get to Long Acres and all the way back. And I remember in high school, I spent the night at a friend's house and we wanted to go into Seattle. And his Dad said, you can't take the car. I said, fine, let's just take the bus. He goes, you're not taking the bus. And I'm like, dude, I've been taking the bus since I was 11 years old. Why not?

David

[17:18]Yeah. Yep. Very good. It's a different time. And yeah, very good.

Chris

[17:23]Here's one other thing. I think I told you this in the pre-conversation, but I heard some advice. It's not my advice, but I took it. And that is, you know, when kids go to college, it's usually the first year where they're totally on their own. And this is why a lot of kids go crazy. They've never had freedom. This guy said, starting in ninth grade, you know, pick a time that's their curfew. And then every, every year, you know, raise it a little bit. And then they're senior year, give them no curfew. You want their first year of total freedom to be while they're living at your house, not when they're living at college. So my deal with my kids when they were seniors was you have no curfew. You can go anywhere you want, anytime you want, but there's only two things. You know, at nighttime, you don't have to do this during the day, but if you're nighttime and you're going to be out late, two things. Number one, always let me know where I'm at, where you're at. I'm at Joe's house or I'm at Susie's house. Now we're going to Tom's house or going to Martha's house. Okay, great. Let me know where you're at. And when I call you, you answer the phone. Those were my only two rules. And you know what? Most of them never stayed out past two o'clock in the morning.

[18:34]Spiritual Foundations for the Next Generation

David

[18:35]That's late. Yeah, very good. So how are they walking with the Lord? Did you have any spiritual goals for them before they left their home?

Chris

[18:45]Yeah. I mean, they obviously, they knew the Bible. We led them to the Lord. They were baptized, you know, all that kind of stuff. And my kids are at varying stages of spirituality and spiritual development. One of the things, you know, I dedicated lots of kids growing up, you know, as you can imagine, as a church pastor. And I always said the same passage that everybody else says in baby dedications, and that is, train up a child in the way they should go, And when they are old, they will not forget it.

Chris

[19:20]Most of the people focus on train up a child in the way they should go. I talked about that. But what I always reminded the parents was, and when they are old, they will not forget it. But they will not turn away from it. And the reality is, is that, you know, when kids are kids, they're kind of borrowing your faith to some degree. They're watching you. They're seeing if it works for you. They're transferring it over. They're learning how it works and all that. And a lot of people take a right turn or a left turn when they get some freedom or when they start, you know, questioning things and all those kinds of things. So I have varying levels from very super strong Christians to, I don't know what I believe, you know, does God really love me? You know, those kinds of things. But I always just remind myself, train up a child in the way they should go. And when they are old, they will not depart from it.

David

[20:17]Very true. I know, I know we read the Bible every night, every night. It was just Bible time. If seven o'clock came around, that's, that's the time. And I think my kids got so used to it because I did it for so long they're just kind of like they didn't question it you know because from you know i had so many kids my time the next one's up we've been doing it for 20 years or more yeah and they knew it they knew the bible and i know my oldest would say you know why do i do this why do i need to do this i read my bible on my own it's like what's because of the other kids that's why you're doing it yeah but yeah um at least they know that that's the big part they know who god is they know the stories.

Chris

[20:58]Well, and it's the fellowship of the family, right? It's doing it with others. It's part of community. The family is the smallest social construct, and yet it's the most powerful social construct. It's where you learn to love. It's where you learn to forgive. It's where you learn to be graceful. It's where you learn to be patient.

[21:21]A Life-Changing Challenge to the Audience

Chris

[21:17]And so doing life and faith together is God's plan for the family.

David

[21:22]Chris, what is one thing that you'd like to challenge my audience today.

Chris

[21:26]I'll give you a piece of advice and I'll tell you the story behind it because it's a very weird story. I was at a ministry conference my first year of ministry. I was 22 years old. And, you know, you go to these conferences, you don't know anybody. So you kind of stand there with your water, your coffee. And so, you know, who are these people? I don't know anybody. You might walk up. Hey, who are you? I'm Chris. Nice to meet you. Well, I was kind of standing in the middle during one of the breaks, you know, 500 people around me.

Chris

[21:52]And I turned around and I just kind of turned around and I came face to face with two women. One was probably 55 and the other was about 30 and i kind of like bam right there like literally two feet away because i was turning and i didn't see them there and bam there they are and the younger woman goes like this and i'm like all right this is weird i look at the older woman i look at the lady and she's still like this and i look at the older woman the older woman looks at it ends up it was her daughter she looks at her daughter and she's like she looks at me looks at her daughter daughter's just wide-eyed mouth agape and she says the mom says is that him, and she goes uh-huh uh-huh and i'm just freaked out by this whole thing and the mom says this is my daughter uh we're staying here we're at the conference in the middle of the night last night two in the morning she woke me up in our hotel room and said god just gave me a vision of this man I'm supposed to give a message to. And, uh, and I said, okay.

Chris

[22:56]And she looks at her daughter. She, she gives the old something. She goes, so tell him, like, like, you know, like Jesus's mother, right. Mothers have a great way of doing this. You know, Jesus's mother's like, make some more wine. You know, they need some, they ran out of wine, do your thing. And Jesus does. Right. So anyway, the woman looks at me, the younger woman and says, I'm supposed to tell you to be a voice, not an echo.

Chris

[23:25]And that was in October of 1988.

Chris

[23:31]And I have lived my life that way since 1988. Be a voice, not an echo.

Chris

[23:37]Don't just regurgitate what the crowd is saying. Don't just regurgitate what the masses are saying. Do your own work with the Lord. Have a close relationship with the Holy Spirit. Listen to what God's telling you. Let God explain the scriptures to you. Let him apply them to your life as you read them and be a voice, not an echo. You know, when you think about a voice, if you and I are talking and I can raise my voice and I can have a strong voice and you hear me, right? You hear me, you get it, you see my, but an echo is, If you're in the Grand Canyon, somebody could be a mile up the river and go, hello, and you don't hear that part. You don't hear the booming hello. You just hear a hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and it doesn't kind of really do you any good. It's like, I think I heard something, but I don't really—that's the difference, right? You want to be a voice. You want to be strong. You want to be bold. You want to declare the goodness of God and what the Bible teaches us about life. Be a voice, not an echo. It's the best advice I ever got. I have thought about that, not every day, but in the last 37 years now, I have thought about it at least once a week. And every podcast where I get that question, that's the answer. Be a voice, not an echo. And in business, you can kind of twist that a little bit. Be creative. Don't be like the guy. If you own an ice cream store, don't be like the ice cream store down the road. If you own a restaurant, don't be like the restaurant down the road. be your own self.

Chris

[25:06]God gave you gifts to run a business, to run a business in a unique way that is designed around your gifts, your talents, your strengths, understanding your weaknesses, and all those kinds of things. So be a voice, not an echo. It's the best advice I ever got.

David

[25:22]Yep. Be a voice. And that also means that what you are teaching has affected you as well.

Chris

[25:28]Absolutely.

David

[25:29]Absolutely. Chris, thank you so much for your time. You encouraged me today. And the next steps is, hey, check the show notes. I'll put the links to his book and to his sites if you want to work more with him or talk to him. And go ahead and subscribe to the podcast, sign up for the newsletter because it's a great way to communicate and not miss out on future episodes. Friends, that's all we have for now. Trust you've been inspired to redeem your business, redeem your time, buy it back, walk worthy of God's great name. Bye for now.