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Speaker: Godly leadership
is, is no accident.

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We started last week with the idea that,
uh, last month rather, the idea that

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being a godly man, being a qualified
man starts with being above reproach.

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And we're gonna expand on that today.

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A lot of little things that make us the
kind of men that God can find useful.

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In fact, that's what Paul says to Timothy.

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He says, uh, in a, in a, in a great house,
there are many different kinds of vessels.

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Some for honorable use.

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Some for dishonorable and he says,
you ought to be Timothy, the kind

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of man that pursues honorable use.

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And he says the part, the way
that you do that is that you're

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set apart as holy, useful to the
master of the house and ready for

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every good work, useful set apart.

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Um, Paul encouraged Timothy to pursue
those ends as part of what it means

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to be a qualified and godly man.

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It got me thinking about a lot of little
things in our lives, and it started me

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on this track of what happened almost,
I don't know, 30, 40, 40 years ago.

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January 28th, 1986, seven astronauts
loaded into the space shuttle challenger,

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and they took off with success, but it
was only after 73 seconds in their flight

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that something catastrophic takes place.

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A small rubber o by small I mean
relative to the size of the spaceship.

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It was actually about 36 feet wide
in diameter, but it was in rubber.

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O-ring.

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Meant to secure the joints, seal
the joints from leaking any fuel

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into the combustion chamber.

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That rubber O joint started to
leak 73 seconds into their launch.

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And of course, the results of
that is exactly as you'd expect.

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All seven astronauts lost their
lives because of the failure

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of its rubber O-ring, which
was meant to seal the engine.

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Didn't work, didn't happen.

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That rubber O-ring was supposed to
seal and keep it safe and secure,

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but it failed because of the weather.

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The weather, it was too cold, and
so the seal didn't work properly.

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Little thing resulting
in massive catastrophe.

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And this was nationally televised.

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And so of course there was a, a great,
uh, there were shock waves and all

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throughout America saying, we can't
believe what we just saw on tv.

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We saw seven people lose
their lives, presumably.

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And of course they were right.

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The lesson for us is easy here.

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There's a, uh, uh, an easy
neglect of small things that

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we might be quick to overlook.

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We might say, well, the
big things are in place.

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The rockets are working,
and the space shuttle is, is

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sound and it's infrastructure.

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It's secure.

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Let's just launch a thing all the
while overlooking the little things

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that really make the big things work.

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We're gonna look at three little
things in First Timothy chapter.

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Three, three little things
that really will make a big.

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Difference in the totality of your life.

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These three little things you might be
quick to overlook, but Paul doesn't.

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He says, if you're gonna be a
godly leader, a qualified man, you

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have to have these three little
comparatively little things in place.

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Otherwise, if you're unintentional
with these things, if you overlook

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them, if you allow them to just be,
uh, glazed over, there's potential

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for catastrophe in your life.

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Three little things I wanna
point out to you today.

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Leadership is no accident.

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And these three little things are
gonna have to be something on your

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part that you take intentional strides
toward to say, I wanna do these things.

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Right.

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Let's read first Timothy three.

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We're gonna read the whole seven verses
here 'cause we haven't done that yet.

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But I wanna give you a gist of what's
happening here and hopefully help

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orient you to our three little things
that we're gonna talk about today.

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One Timothy chapter three,
starting at verse one.

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He says, this saying is trustworthy.

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This is a good saying that the
church should continue to say this

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is something that should be repeated.

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If anyone aspires, they
desire the office of overseer.

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Titus chapter one calls 'em elders.

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He desires a noble task.

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This is a good thing.

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We talked about this last week.

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Paul goes on to describe
the qualities of this man.

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He says, therefore, because he desires a
noble task, because this is God's church.

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God's enterprise and overseer
then must be above reproach.

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He must be the husband of one wife.

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And now let me just orient you here.

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As Paul unpacks these verses, everything
underneath what we're about to say

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here fits under the umbrella of above
reproach, therefore an overseer.

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Verse two must be above
reproach, which looks like this.

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He's the husband of one wife.

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First little thing.

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He is sober minded.

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Second little thing,
he is self-controlled.

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Third little thing.

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And of course there's several
more down the list here, but we're

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only gonna look at those three.

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Let's continue reading.

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He's respectable.

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He's esteemed in his community.

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He's hospitable.

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He welcomes people into his home.

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He loves people he's able to teach.

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This is uniquely, uh, this is
unique for the Office of Overseer.

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This is the unique for
the Office of Elder.

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He has to be able to say something
and to teach it clearly and also

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defend and protect the doctrine.

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That's what he's talking about here.

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He's not a drunkard, he
can't be given too much wine.

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He's not violent, but gentle.

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He is not ignatious, not
quick to fight with people.

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He's, he's gentle in his demeanor.

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Uh, he's not quarrelsome.

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Again, not quick to fight,
not a lover of money.

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He's not greedy.

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He must manage his own household
well with all dignity, keeping

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his children submissive.

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For if someone does not know how
to manage his own household, how

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will he care for God's church?

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Also, verse six, he must not be
a recent convert or he may become

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puffed up with conceit and fall
into the condemnation of the devil.

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The devil will be quick to capitalize
on someone's nascent faith who's

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catapulted into leadership quickly,
and he says, don't be quick to lay some

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lay hands on somebody if he is young.

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Uh, whether spiritually or uh,
age-wise, make sure that you're

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not gonna lay hands quickly.

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He'll, later on, say verse seven.

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Moreover, he must be well
thought of by outsiders.

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This is interesting.

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We'll get to this in a couple
weeks, a couple months.

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Uh, he'll say that your neighbors have
to have a good opinion of this guy.

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Uh, his coworkers have
to think well of him.

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He can't just be thought well of in the
church, as pastor PJ said recently in

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a sermon, anybody can be a Christian
for a couple hours on a Sunday.

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It takes a, a certain kind of man
with special graces to be a Christian

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all the time, such that people on,
on the outside outsiders look at

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him and say, he is well thought of.

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He's, he's not a liar, he is not
a thief, he's not an adulterer.

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Those kinds of things.

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And he says that so that he
may not fall into disgrace.

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A pastor doesn't want to
be disgrace in front of the

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congregation and to snare the devil.

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So there's first Timothy chapter three.

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If you were to look at it, um, if you
were to look at it syntactically, if

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you were to diagram it grammatically,
it might look something like this.

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Paul starts out with the renouncement.

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This is a trustworthy saying.

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Anyone aspires to this office?

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Noble task.

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It's a good thing.

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And then as I mentioned before,
everything underneath the above

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reproach, uh, sits right below that.

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So this is the kind of man he must be.

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Notice that the must is imperative.

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I I, I alluded to this the last
time we talked, but I didn't really

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capitalize on it the way I should
have that must is a divine must.

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It's the same must that Jesus uses
when he says, I must go to the cross.

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Same idea.

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So the weightiness of the
must here is important.

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These are the qualities of a man
and what he must be if he's going

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to be in the office or the, the
position of a pastor, an overseer.

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The characterization above reproach,
uh, I think grammatically fits

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all these things underneath it.

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They control the imperative there,
what an elder overseer must be.

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Okay.

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So now that we have our, our sense
of bearing here, I wanna point your

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attention again to the three things
that we want to pay attention to.

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The three things we wanna look at,
starting with the husband of one wife.

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This can be confusing because some
might think that this means, oh, he

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can't be, uh, he can't be divorced.

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Uh, it maybe means he can't
have a polygamous marriage.

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And certainly some of those things are
true, but I don't think Paul's goal

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here is to say whether he's polygamous
or not polygamous, or whether he's

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divorced or anything like that.

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Literally the word means a one woman man.

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He's a one woman man.

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He's faithful to the woman
God has entrusted to him.

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And this is also what
Titus says in first Titus.

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Chapter one, not first.

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Titus DTUs, chapter one, verse six.

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He's the husband of one wife.

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So both, uh, Timothy and Titus
have the same, the same wording

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about the role of this man.

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Now, remember, the office of overseer,
the pastor, the elder, the overseer, is

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called to be this, so that the men of
the church have an example to follow.

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This is exactly why
we're talking about this.

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This is not about whether all of
you are gonna join the pastorate.

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This is not all about you
guys joining seminary.

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This is about saying.

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This man is to be this way so
that you and I are all this way.

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This is what the church is supposed
to look like, the husband of one wife.

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So this man is to have
a faithful marriage.

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He, he's a one woman man, speaks to his
integrity, his commitments, and this

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is where we are called as Christians,
to live the kind of exemplary life

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that the culture sits up and takes
notice and say, this man treats his

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marriage and his wife differently than
how we see our culture, generally.

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Think about marriage.

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Exemplary.

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Now, this is meant to be
something standing out.

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Marriage is an important qualification
for at least two reasons.

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The first reason is that
marriage reveals the man.

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Marriage reveals us probably
like nothing else does.

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Because you're with
someone every day, all day.

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They see the best of you.

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They see the worst of you.

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They see the, the unguarded
moments of your life.

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And so marriage, uh, rightly
is used as a measurement.

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Notice that this is the first
thing Paul wants to look at.

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He says, Timothy, I want you
to look at, well in, at least

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in first Timothy chapter three.

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Now here too.

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Um, look, I want you to look first,
if you're gonna discuss whether

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or not a man is above approached,
I want you to look first at his

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marriage and look carefully at that.

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How does his marriage operate?

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If his marriage is operating the way
it should, then we would have reason

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to believe, oh, probably the rest of
his life is at least working in order.

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'cause he cares about the first things.

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First things first.

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Marriage reveals the man.

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In Ephesians chapter five,
Paul says to Timothy C or, uh.

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Ephesians chapter five.

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Yeah, this is Timothy actually.

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Ephesians chapter five, he
says, the church like you're

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supposed to men lead your wives.

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In fact, he tells his wife, tells the
wives there, submit to your husbands.

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In other words, men are leading.

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Men are leading, women are to follow.

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And then he says to the husband's,
husbands, love your wives.

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Does Christ love the church?

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He adds a really high bar for all of us.

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And the idea here is that your marriage
is meant to reflect Christ in the church.

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So not only does marriage reveal the
man, marriage reflects the gospel,

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those are two big reasons why marriage
has to be at the top of your list.

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When you think about whether a
man is qualified, whether a man is

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truly a one woman man, the hardest
place to be a Christian, the hardest

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place to be faithful is home.

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This is where your, your faith is
constantly tested, where little

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annoyances can become big stumbling
blocks in your marriage where it's

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evident that you're either walking by
grace or you're walking in the flesh.

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Your home, you're unguarded.

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There's someone, put it this way, there's
no other place where high expectations.

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Love your wife as Christ loved.

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00:10:19,694 --> 00:10:22,484
The church meets a desire to be unplugged.

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Think about it, you're working all day.

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Or if you, if you, if you live
outside the or if you work outside

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00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:29,504
the home, you're working all day and
then you come home and in your mind

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00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,614
you're saying, man, I wanna rest.

242
00:10:30,644 --> 00:10:31,514
I've been working all day.

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00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:34,574
I wanna just kinda let my guard down,
kick my feet up, watch the Mandy Griffith.

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But there's dishes to do and there's
kids to take care of and there's

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00:10:37,844 --> 00:10:40,724
honeydew items to fulfill and all
these things that you have to do.

246
00:10:41,084 --> 00:10:42,584
There's no other place that's like it.

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You can be a Christian in a lot of venues.

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But if you miss it at home, I think
Paul here says that you're missing

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what it means to be above reproach.

250
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Two reasons why he looks at this.

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Again, marriage reveals the man
more than anything else, and also

252
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,140
marriage reflects the gospel.

253
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:57,840
Your marriage is meant to be a
picture of Christ's relationship

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00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,180
with his church, which means
your marriage is bigger than you.

255
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:04,350
Your marriage exists as one way
that God speaks to the world.

256
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:05,370
Your marriage is a sermon.

257
00:11:05,575 --> 00:11:07,735
That's meant to be heard
by a watching world.

258
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,075
Your neighbor should hear the
sermon that your marriage preaches.

259
00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:13,195
Your kids should hear the sermon
that your marriage preaches.

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The world is meant to see a reflection,
however faint it may be of the gospel.

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The question is not whether your
marriage reflects the gospel.

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The question is whether it's a good
reflection or a bad reflection,

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which is again, why Paul's gonna say,
make sure the man is above reproach.

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And by the way, let's first look at
where he, where, where his marriage

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is, how's his marriage going?

266
00:11:33,869 --> 00:11:37,170
Your marriage is a picture of Christ's
relationship with this church, and

267
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every marriage is whether good or bad.

268
00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:42,389
Marriage reflects the man
Marriage, reflects the gospel.

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It reflects the man and, uh, reveals
the man rather and reflects the gospel.

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There's also a, an important text.

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I want you, I want you to turn there.

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This is an important one.

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Hebrews 13, four.

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On the heels of this, the reason this is
such an important feature in the church

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life and a feature of ma male leadership.

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Is because Paul wants the whole
church to have a kind of opinion about

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00:12:02,744 --> 00:12:04,305
the, about the church that is high.

278
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We talk about having a high view of God
and part of having a high view of God.

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It means having a high view of the
things that he has a high view about.

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And we'll notice here in Hebrews
chapter 13 verse four, that one

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of the things that we should have
a high view about is marriage.

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Take a look at Hebrews 13, verse four,
and it says this, let marriage be held

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in honor among everybody in the church.

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Everybody, all, all people.

285
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:31,740
And let the marriage bed be
undefiled for God will judge the

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00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:34,199
sexually immoral and adulterous.

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And so even though the reason is
different here, he's saying God's gonna

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00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,819
judge the church, especially those who
are sexually immoral and adulterous.

289
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:45,540
But his goal is that marriage
be esteemed held high.

290
00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:46,890
Let it be held in honor.

291
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:47,849
Let it be exalted.

292
00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:51,989
Let it be something that people
say, this is exceptionally valuable.

293
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,339
Let it be respected.

294
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:56,099
Let it be a cultural institution, both
in the church and outside the church,

295
00:12:56,099 --> 00:12:57,479
that people say this is a good thing.

296
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When it comes to the kind of intentional
leadership that God calls you to, part of

297
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:06,839
your intentional leadership means being
an intentional husband who intentionally

298
00:13:06,839 --> 00:13:08,369
respects and honors his wife.

299
00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:10,829
And the reason why is because
we respect and honor marriage.

300
00:13:11,384 --> 00:13:15,555
Why, again, reveals you and it
reflects the gospel point number one.

301
00:13:15,555 --> 00:13:17,264
I want you to be deliberate about this.

302
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:22,274
I want you to deliberately display
great respect for marriage, to have

303
00:13:22,274 --> 00:13:24,974
the kind of opinion of marriage, the
kind of approach to marriage that

304
00:13:24,974 --> 00:13:27,734
says, man, I am, I esteem marriage.

305
00:13:27,734 --> 00:13:29,474
I value this institution.

306
00:13:30,014 --> 00:13:34,634
It's so valuable that God has decided
to attach the gospel to your marriage

307
00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:39,134
and to marriage as a whole, which is
why it's so esteemed in our culture,

308
00:13:39,134 --> 00:13:40,394
at least within our church culture.

309
00:13:41,355 --> 00:13:41,895
It should be.

310
00:13:43,335 --> 00:13:45,824
What's interesting is that we all
have this way of going about life

311
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:48,645
where we think that our normal
is normative for everybody else.

312
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:52,485
I recently got new glasses, you guys
might see me wear them more often.

313
00:13:52,545 --> 00:13:55,755
These glasses are, are, are a
correction from my astigmatism.

314
00:13:56,025 --> 00:14:00,135
I got used to seeing things a little
blurry and so, you know, you could

315
00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:02,865
look at certain things or people
and, and you could look, I dunno,

316
00:14:02,865 --> 00:14:04,125
I like, I'd like people watching.

317
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:04,814
It's kind of my thing.

318
00:14:04,814 --> 00:14:07,365
I, you know, you go to the, you go
to the mall or you go to the airport.

319
00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:08,295
I just kind of watch people.

320
00:14:08,295 --> 00:14:09,375
I find people fascinating.

321
00:14:10,155 --> 00:14:12,824
I now realize that they could
probably see me very clearly.

322
00:14:13,064 --> 00:14:15,734
I was looking at them and they're
like, why is this guy looking at me?

323
00:14:16,035 --> 00:14:18,525
I think they're far enough away where
like they probably can't even tell

324
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,194
that I'm looking at them 'cause it's,
I, they're kind of blurry to me.

325
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:24,045
But my blurry doesn't
mean that they're blurry.

326
00:14:24,165 --> 00:14:26,624
They could, what if they have perfect
vision and they notice that I'm

327
00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:29,204
staring at them and now we have a
really weird situation happening.

328
00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:30,854
Why is this guy looking at me?

329
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:36,060
Yeah, my normal was not their
normal, at least presumably your

330
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,040
normal is not everyone's normal.

331
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,050
And that's what's interesting
because now we all have to say,

332
00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:41,760
okay, what is supposed to be normal?

333
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,180
I grew up in a pretty, I grew up in
a family that I thought was normal.

334
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,340
I thought it was normal for,
for moms and dads to fight.

335
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:48,660
I thought it was normal
for there to be yelling.

336
00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:52,080
I thought it was normal for a dad to bang
on the wall and for a, a mom to be crying.

337
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,840
There was not domestic violence in
the strictest sense, but there was

338
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,790
a really tumultuous upbringing.

339
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,080
I didn't know it.

340
00:14:58,620 --> 00:14:59,610
I didn't know any better.

341
00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:02,760
I went to, I went to all the things
school and went and did my thing, not

342
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,340
realizing how abnormal my life was.

343
00:15:05,699 --> 00:15:10,170
It really wasn't until I made my way into
the church and began to be surrounded

344
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:14,790
by people like yourselves who taught me
that things are supposed to be different.

345
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,810
And in fact, I, I, I started thinking
about all the people that God used

346
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,750
to draw me away from what I thought
was normal into a new normal.

347
00:15:22,365 --> 00:15:25,605
I remember Jack and Theresa
Angel, a godly man and a God

348
00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:27,045
that woman married for decades.

349
00:15:27,045 --> 00:15:30,015
I talked about Jack before, but him
and his wife, I mean, they were just

350
00:15:30,015 --> 00:15:33,135
faithful, faithful people to attend
the church, faithful to do their thing.

351
00:15:33,135 --> 00:15:37,125
They were always there, always
smiling, always taking care of people.

352
00:15:37,605 --> 00:15:40,755
Calvin and Brenda, Kelly, another
couple that God used these.

353
00:15:40,755 --> 00:15:43,395
In fact, these people adopted my
brother and myself, not in a literal

354
00:15:43,395 --> 00:15:44,355
sense, but they took us over.

355
00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:47,535
They drove us to church, drove us
home for church, took us to lunch

356
00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:50,655
after church, and they began to
teach us a new normal by their life.

357
00:15:50,655 --> 00:15:51,525
And I, I realized.

358
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,870
My life is not the way
things are supposed to be.

359
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,490
Don and Debbie Metcalf, I could
talk about more couples and more men

360
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:00,930
that have showed me a new normal.

361
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,680
Part of what they showed me is
that marriage is something special.

362
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:05,819
Family is something special.

363
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:06,750
Family is something good.

364
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:10,860
Their abnormality in my mind, rev
was abnormal for all the right

365
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:13,319
reasons and so should it be about
your life and your marriage.

366
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:17,910
Your life should be abnormal in our
culture, your marriage, your life.

367
00:16:17,939 --> 00:16:19,800
Even if you're not a married
man, I re recognize that some

368
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:20,520
of you're not married in here.

369
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:21,180
I'll get to you in a second.

370
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:25,200
Your faithfulness to your
wife and to the institution of

371
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,150
marriage ought to look different.

372
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,930
It ought to look like you're doing
something out of the norm on purpose.

373
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:32,850
And that's my goal here on purpose.

374
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,200
A lot of you guys are faithful men.

375
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,510
I get that you guys are faithfully
married to your wives and you're

376
00:16:36,510 --> 00:16:37,440
doing what you should be doing.

377
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,020
You're not going around sleeping
around or doing things like that.

378
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:44,550
But I wanna take it a step further
and say, how does a church, how does a

379
00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:47,310
church properly exalt this institution?

380
00:16:48,239 --> 00:16:51,030
Faithfulness is a good start, but I don't
think it's the finish line by any stretch.

381
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:56,010
We ought to be different in our approach,
which is also gonna have implications

382
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:58,469
for single men, because if you're
a one woman man, if you're faithful

383
00:16:58,469 --> 00:17:00,720
to marriages, that means that you're
protecting and guarding marriage.

384
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:04,138
Even in your singleness, you're thinking
about, I don't want to even get close

385
00:17:04,138 --> 00:17:09,300
to the line of, of soling the gospel
by, so what marriage is, I want to

386
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:12,628
be sure that I'm treating marriage in
a respectful way, and you could just

387
00:17:12,628 --> 00:17:16,409
look at our culture and find lots of
reasons why it wouldn't be that way.

388
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:21,615
We could talk about porn use, we could
talk about the way that men can, can

389
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:24,105
automatically gaze at the female figure.

390
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,685
Those are ways that we could
dishonor marriage easily, right?

391
00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:29,024
We're we're saying that we're not
one woman men, and in fact, that's

392
00:17:29,024 --> 00:17:31,034
probably a disqualifying event.

393
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:35,625
If a man is com if a man is in any
way, uh, addicted to pornography,

394
00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:37,485
probably not fit for ministry.

395
00:17:37,950 --> 00:17:40,740
He's not able to serve in that
capacity 'cause he's living a

396
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:45,300
life of unfaithfulness, violating
the one woman man qualification.

397
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:50,400
Again, he must be this thing, but again,
he leads in that way because this is

398
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,870
what the church is supposed to be.

399
00:17:51,990 --> 00:17:55,800
One woman, men who are not given
to pornography, addiction, or

400
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,210
even looking at the female gaze.

401
00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:00,330
Remember, years ago, one of the first
books I read in high school was, uh.

402
00:18:01,065 --> 00:18:04,095
Every man's battle, and you guys
read that book, they taught me

403
00:18:04,095 --> 00:18:06,645
that one of the things that a man
should do when he sees an attractive

404
00:18:06,645 --> 00:18:07,995
figure is to bounce the eyes.

405
00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:10,635
I remember highlighting that, remembering
that specifically bounce the eyes.

406
00:18:11,145 --> 00:18:14,655
And what you're doing is training
yourself not to allow even a hint

407
00:18:14,685 --> 00:18:17,955
of lust to penetrate the heart,
because we know how quickly that can

408
00:18:17,955 --> 00:18:21,765
erupt deliberately displaying great
respect for marriage means more than

409
00:18:21,770 --> 00:18:22,845
just being faithful to your wife.

410
00:18:22,845 --> 00:18:25,725
It means conducting yourself
in a way inside the home and

411
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,225
outside the home that showcases.

412
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:31,350
I'm not about what you guys are about
the world that is, I'm about my wife.

413
00:18:31,350 --> 00:18:32,670
I'm about Christ Church and his glory.

414
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,260
It starts with your marriage.

415
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,440
Think about the way that
Christ pursues his church.

416
00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:39,900
Is there ever a time where you
could say, oh, Christ has let

417
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:42,750
the gas off, doesn't care about
his church as much as he used to.

418
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,070
And of course it's absurd.

419
00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:46,290
He pursues us day in, day out.

420
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,760
He pursues us in the way that he serves us
through His word serves us in the church.

421
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:51,570
He serves us through worship.

422
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:52,740
Christ pursues us.

423
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:56,160
We know what it's like to pursue
our wives before marriage.

424
00:18:56,685 --> 00:18:58,845
I wonder if you're still
pursuing your wife post-marriage.

425
00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:02,055
This is a way that we display
great respect for marriage.

426
00:19:02,415 --> 00:19:05,325
We show great respect for God and
his gospel, by the way that we say,

427
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:09,495
I'm setting a deliberate example
to pursue my bride, and I can look

428
00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:10,455
like a lot of different areas.

429
00:19:10,455 --> 00:19:13,575
Pastor PJ often talks about dating
your wife and and doing things with

430
00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:15,135
her and for her, and that's great.

431
00:19:15,615 --> 00:19:16,215
That's great.

432
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:20,774
What I wanna encourage you to do is to
be purposeful in the demonstration of

433
00:19:20,774 --> 00:19:24,284
your faithfulness, purposeful in the
demonstration of your faithfulness.

434
00:19:24,284 --> 00:19:24,915
Here's what I mean by that.

435
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,805
O One of the things that I, I think
would be good for you to show your

436
00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:33,975
kids, to show the church is how much
you are committed to your bride.

437
00:19:34,784 --> 00:19:38,475
Show them on purpose, intentionally,
deliberately displaying

438
00:19:38,475 --> 00:19:39,495
great respect for marriage.

439
00:19:39,855 --> 00:19:42,045
That will mean that you, I mean,
I don't wanna put 'em on blast.

440
00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:43,305
You're just gonna be embarrassed
that I bring it up and I'm

441
00:19:43,305 --> 00:19:44,024
gonna bring it up anyway.

442
00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:48,225
One of the things that I often see as I
prepare for leading worship is that David

443
00:19:48,225 --> 00:19:51,435
will take Priscilla and he'll find a
place with her, and he'll, he'll pray with

444
00:19:51,435 --> 00:19:52,845
her before they start leading worship.

445
00:19:53,055 --> 00:19:54,284
Just sit with her and he'll pray.

446
00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,025
That, that's intentional.

447
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:56,715
It's not an accident.

448
00:19:56,745 --> 00:19:58,485
He's not accidentally,
oh, hey, let's pray.

449
00:19:58,605 --> 00:19:59,175
I guess we're here.

450
00:19:59,175 --> 00:19:59,535
You're here.

451
00:19:59,535 --> 00:19:59,745
I'm here.

452
00:19:59,745 --> 00:20:00,225
Let's pray together.

453
00:20:00,705 --> 00:20:03,465
He, he purposefully takes
time to pray with his spouse.

454
00:20:03,465 --> 00:20:06,705
I think what a, what a beautiful display
of what it looks like to lead your bride

455
00:20:07,065 --> 00:20:09,645
and deliberately in a way, and it's
in front of people, not all the time.

456
00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,715
He's not trying to be
ostentatious about it.

457
00:20:11,715 --> 00:20:12,165
You understand?

458
00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:12,915
But he's just doing it.

459
00:20:13,215 --> 00:20:15,285
I think that's the kind of
mentality a godly man has.

460
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:18,195
He's intentional about displaying
his love for his bride.

461
00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:22,455
Something as simple as holding her hand,
pursuing her physically, obviously.

462
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:27,135
Not that physically in public,
but pursuing her physically and,

463
00:20:27,139 --> 00:20:29,550
and telling her what you think
about her and communicating

464
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,139
your verbal affection for her.

465
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:34,649
These are all areas that I, I know
that we struggle with, but it's such

466
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:37,770
a good thing for you to practice such
a good thing for your kids to see.

467
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,670
I I, I wanna set an example for my
kids where they see me pursue their,

468
00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:43,950
their, their, their mother all the time.

469
00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:45,570
I want them to say, Ew.

470
00:20:45,915 --> 00:20:48,945
I want them to recognize that I love
their wife, their mother, rather.

471
00:20:50,505 --> 00:20:51,225
I love their wives.

472
00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:55,395
I love their mother more than
I can, than words can say.

473
00:20:56,115 --> 00:20:58,185
I also want them to see that I love
their mother more than I love them.

474
00:20:58,725 --> 00:20:59,865
My commitment is to her first.

475
00:21:00,015 --> 00:21:02,805
I love them, but I love her first.

476
00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:03,975
She's my first commitment.

477
00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:06,465
I would love for you to demonstrate
your commitment to her, your

478
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,025
wife, in public, and in private.

479
00:21:09,525 --> 00:21:12,615
Think about the way that your, your kids
are gonna see you interact with her.

480
00:21:12,645 --> 00:21:14,025
They're gonna see your life as normative.

481
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,050
Just how we started this conversation.

482
00:21:16,050 --> 00:21:17,670
They're gonna see your
example as normative.

483
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:19,409
This is the way things are supposed to be.

484
00:21:19,409 --> 00:21:23,370
So you're not just loving your wife
for her sake and for the gospel's sake.

485
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:25,860
You're loving your wife for your kid's
sake and your future grandkid's sake.

486
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:28,230
Your grandkids are gonna benefit
from the way that you loved

487
00:21:28,230 --> 00:21:31,800
your wife or adversely suffer,

488
00:21:34,590 --> 00:21:35,550
extends your church.

489
00:21:36,030 --> 00:21:39,600
I want you to imagine a church of
men who are pursuing their women.

490
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,030
Fastidiously.

491
00:21:42,149 --> 00:21:44,219
They do it in a way
that's obvious, evident.

492
00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:48,659
Think about men that are setting a
deliberate example to say, I wanna

493
00:21:48,659 --> 00:21:50,459
display my commitment to my bride.

494
00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:52,770
I mean, we talk about cultural displays.

495
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:55,590
Obviously you wear a wedding ring,
hopefully keep that on all the time.

496
00:21:55,590 --> 00:21:58,379
You're not taking that off, but
you wear a wedding ring to display

497
00:21:58,379 --> 00:21:59,669
your commitment to somebody else.

498
00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:01,500
But I want you to display
your physical affection.

499
00:22:02,129 --> 00:22:04,469
I want you to be deliberate
to say, my wife matters to me.

500
00:22:04,469 --> 00:22:05,219
She's my wife.

501
00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:07,320
I wanna sit next to her
when I have the opportunity.

502
00:22:07,649 --> 00:22:08,459
I wanna hold her hand.

503
00:22:08,459 --> 00:22:09,365
I wanna put my arm around her.

504
00:22:10,215 --> 00:22:12,764
I want to display to my
wife, my kids, my church.

505
00:22:13,334 --> 00:22:14,114
I love this woman.

506
00:22:14,804 --> 00:22:19,245
He who finds a wife finds a good thing
Scripture says, and I want you to let

507
00:22:19,245 --> 00:22:20,745
your wife know that you know that.

508
00:22:21,225 --> 00:22:21,584
Why?

509
00:22:21,794 --> 00:22:24,705
Well, because ultimately, it's
a reflection of your character

510
00:22:24,705 --> 00:22:26,955
and it's a reflection and
representation of the gospel.

511
00:22:27,495 --> 00:22:29,985
I care about my marriage
because I care about the gospel.

512
00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:32,534
And maybe in your mind that
that could go the other way.

513
00:22:32,534 --> 00:22:33,854
I care about the gospel.

514
00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:35,625
Because they care about my marriage.

515
00:22:35,625 --> 00:22:37,425
But I want you to say, man,
the gospel is so important.

516
00:22:37,725 --> 00:22:41,145
Jesus lordship and leadership in my
life is so important that I gotta make

517
00:22:41,145 --> 00:22:42,675
sure that I am protecting my wife.

518
00:22:42,675 --> 00:22:47,115
I'm protecting my marriage, I'm respecting
it, and I'm showing it on purpose.

519
00:22:47,205 --> 00:22:49,425
I want the world to see
that I love my wife.

520
00:22:52,515 --> 00:22:55,125
Extends to the church, starts
in your family, starts with your

521
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:59,295
marriage, um, in your, in your
small groups today, and perhaps even

522
00:22:59,535 --> 00:23:01,155
on as a regular concern of yours.

523
00:23:02,205 --> 00:23:04,754
I think you should start to ask your
brothers, how's your marriage going?

524
00:23:06,285 --> 00:23:08,835
I know it's a, a sensitive
question, but it's something that

525
00:23:08,835 --> 00:23:10,004
you guys should constantly say.

526
00:23:10,004 --> 00:23:11,535
Now, I, I care about my brothers.

527
00:23:11,774 --> 00:23:13,365
I know how quickly things can dissolve.

528
00:23:14,445 --> 00:23:17,295
It doesn't take a lot of thinking
to say, when can I imagine

529
00:23:17,955 --> 00:23:19,155
a marriage not going well?

530
00:23:20,865 --> 00:23:21,045
Sure.

531
00:23:21,045 --> 00:23:23,445
You have examples that you can
readily think about, that you

532
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,465
can count on your hand right now.

533
00:23:24,495 --> 00:23:25,215
This is struggling.

534
00:23:25,215 --> 00:23:25,845
This is struggling.

535
00:23:25,845 --> 00:23:26,385
This is struggling.

536
00:23:27,524 --> 00:23:28,395
Protect marriage.

537
00:23:28,455 --> 00:23:29,475
Hold it in high esteem.

538
00:23:30,195 --> 00:23:31,754
It's what it means to
be a man above reproach.

539
00:23:32,054 --> 00:23:34,905
You're a one woman man, but that means
you're also guarding the institution

540
00:23:34,905 --> 00:23:36,945
of marriage because of what it
represents and what it reflects.

541
00:23:37,215 --> 00:23:40,695
Malachi chapter two, uh, God says
to Israel, look, I, I wanted you to

542
00:23:40,695 --> 00:23:43,365
have faithful marriages so that you
could produce God the offspring.

543
00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:44,504
Be faithful.

544
00:23:44,655 --> 00:23:46,215
Don't cover your garment with violence.

545
00:23:47,895 --> 00:23:51,284
That's the first small thing,
not that small after all is it.

546
00:23:51,465 --> 00:23:54,615
First small thing is to guard
and protect and display great

547
00:23:54,615 --> 00:23:55,784
respect for your marriage.

548
00:23:56,175 --> 00:23:57,105
But Paul carries on.

549
00:23:57,105 --> 00:23:59,084
There's another small thing
that I want you to see.

550
00:23:59,565 --> 00:24:01,095
That's something that
we can easily overlook.

551
00:24:01,095 --> 00:24:05,025
Take a look with me at one Timothy
chapter three, intentional about marriage.

552
00:24:05,115 --> 00:24:06,915
Here's another thing to
be intentional about.

553
00:24:07,215 --> 00:24:08,265
One Timothy chapter three.

554
00:24:08,475 --> 00:24:09,525
Let's start at verse one.

555
00:24:09,525 --> 00:24:10,365
Just to get the gist here.

556
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:11,595
The saying is trustworthy.

557
00:24:11,895 --> 00:24:15,675
If anyone aspires to the office of
overseer, he desires a noble task.

558
00:24:15,915 --> 00:24:18,285
Therefore, an overseer
must be above reproach.

559
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:19,875
He must be the husband of one wife.

560
00:24:20,055 --> 00:24:22,245
He must be sober minded.

561
00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,165
He must be a sober minded man.

562
00:24:24,764 --> 00:24:29,325
This word, uh, this word appears three
times, and two of those times are found

563
00:24:29,325 --> 00:24:30,735
here in one Timothy chapter three.

564
00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:32,685
It's found once in Titus chapter two.

565
00:24:33,165 --> 00:24:33,225
Um.

566
00:24:34,215 --> 00:24:37,364
And here, uh, and, and here
and in, uh, let me show you the

567
00:24:37,364 --> 00:24:38,594
other one, one Timothy three 11.

568
00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:42,495
Uh, here it's applied to the, the
deacon's wives or the deacon nesses.

569
00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:46,634
So, so mindness, as we see again, is
not only a qualification of the elder,

570
00:24:46,634 --> 00:24:49,574
it, the pastorate, but it's also a
qualification for the people of the

571
00:24:49,574 --> 00:24:50,834
church who are serving and leading.

572
00:24:50,834 --> 00:24:53,774
Notice here, the deacons, those
who are serving the church or their

573
00:24:53,774 --> 00:24:55,695
wives are called to be sober minded.

574
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:58,574
This, this, again, tells us these
qualifications are meant to be

575
00:24:58,574 --> 00:25:00,794
normative in the life of the church.

576
00:25:01,364 --> 00:25:02,534
Sober minded here, then.

577
00:25:03,105 --> 00:25:04,425
Oh, lemme show you Titus chapter two.

578
00:25:04,425 --> 00:25:05,775
Here's another one, Titus Chapter two.

579
00:25:05,925 --> 00:25:07,485
Who else is supposed to be sober minded?

580
00:25:07,545 --> 00:25:07,995
Look at this.

581
00:25:07,995 --> 00:25:09,225
The older men.

582
00:25:09,315 --> 00:25:10,485
Older men are to be sober minded.

583
00:25:10,485 --> 00:25:12,915
And also, later on we're
gonna see self controlled.

584
00:25:12,915 --> 00:25:15,855
Those are both the same words that we're
gonna see in one Timothy chapter three.

585
00:25:15,855 --> 00:25:17,925
Sober minded and self controlled.

586
00:25:17,925 --> 00:25:17,985
I.

587
00:25:18,509 --> 00:25:19,889
Focus on sober minded for a second here.

588
00:25:19,889 --> 00:25:23,699
It means to be restrained in conduct,
sober minded, restrained in conduct,

589
00:25:23,699 --> 00:25:25,529
self-controlled, level-headed.

590
00:25:25,709 --> 00:25:27,779
The word balance kind of
comes to the fore here.

591
00:25:27,779 --> 00:25:29,669
Someone who's balanced in
their approach to life.

592
00:25:29,909 --> 00:25:32,009
They're not extreme either
on the left or the right.

593
00:25:32,009 --> 00:25:33,449
I'm not making a political statements.

594
00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:35,550
They're not extreme in
their personalities.

595
00:25:35,550 --> 00:25:38,459
Again, they're not alistic, and
so they're kind of calibrated.

596
00:25:38,729 --> 00:25:41,550
They're able to navigate life
with a sober sense of who they

597
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:42,629
are and what they're about.

598
00:25:42,810 --> 00:25:44,189
They're not easily frustrated.

599
00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:46,379
They act in a restrained manner.

600
00:25:46,695 --> 00:25:47,445
Someone cuts 'em off.

601
00:25:47,445 --> 00:25:48,705
They're not flying off the handle.

602
00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:50,355
Someone says something offensive to them.

603
00:25:50,355 --> 00:25:51,735
They're not quick to take offense.

604
00:25:51,735 --> 00:25:53,745
They're just, they're subdued.

605
00:25:54,285 --> 00:25:55,995
They're not subdued because
they're passive men.

606
00:25:55,995 --> 00:25:56,595
You understand?

607
00:25:56,595 --> 00:25:58,514
They're subdued because
they're deliberate men.

608
00:25:58,785 --> 00:25:59,595
They're intentional.

609
00:25:59,595 --> 00:26:03,315
They're unwilling to lose control
because they know what's at stake.

610
00:26:03,525 --> 00:26:05,595
It's a small thing that
has major implications.

611
00:26:05,625 --> 00:26:07,935
They don't want to have their life
wrecked because of their lack of

612
00:26:07,935 --> 00:26:09,525
self-control or self restraint.

613
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,020
Sober minded speaks to the way
they think about themselves

614
00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:14,040
and the world around them.

615
00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:16,139
They're restrained in their understanding.

616
00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:18,120
They're restrained in
their approach to life.

617
00:26:18,420 --> 00:26:19,920
They're not given to excess.

618
00:26:20,460 --> 00:26:24,540
Um, it also speaks about the way that
they think about their whole life.

619
00:26:24,540 --> 00:26:26,820
In fact, I couldn't help but think
about Ephesians chapter five, when

620
00:26:26,820 --> 00:26:28,290
it comes to a sober minded man.

621
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:31,139
I think Ephesians five
really encapsulates the idea.

622
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,100
Here's what it says.

623
00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:34,200
Ephesians chapter five,
starting at verse 15.

624
00:26:34,470 --> 00:26:37,889
The words look carefully are so important.

625
00:26:38,550 --> 00:26:38,940
Um.

626
00:26:39,855 --> 00:26:43,695
It talks to the, it's a
careful, thoughtful, focused

627
00:26:43,695 --> 00:26:45,915
attention to how I live my life.

628
00:26:45,915 --> 00:26:49,095
The word for walk peo often
used in scripture to talk

629
00:26:49,095 --> 00:26:50,235
about the way that you live.

630
00:26:50,235 --> 00:26:51,975
So the way that you walk,
the way that you live.

631
00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:56,415
Paul says, be very careful about the
way that you allow yourself to live.

632
00:26:56,415 --> 00:26:59,235
Look carefully, pay attention,
be, I like the word the new King

633
00:26:59,235 --> 00:27:01,514
James, puts it as be circumspect.

634
00:27:01,695 --> 00:27:04,574
I'm looking around to make sure
that how I'm living, how I'm walking

635
00:27:04,784 --> 00:27:07,635
is fitting to my station in life
and to my call in the gospel.

636
00:27:07,635 --> 00:27:08,595
So he says, look carefully.

637
00:27:09,075 --> 00:27:11,745
How you walk given your
station, given your position.

638
00:27:11,805 --> 00:27:13,935
Be careful, think carefully
about how you walk.

639
00:27:14,445 --> 00:27:18,015
Not as an unwise man, but an a wise
man making the best use of the time.

640
00:27:18,075 --> 00:27:20,565
Notice he's saying, I want you to
capitalize on the season because

641
00:27:20,565 --> 00:27:22,125
of what's of what's true about you.

642
00:27:22,125 --> 00:27:22,845
You're a Christian.

643
00:27:22,965 --> 00:27:24,285
You've been saved by grace through faith.

644
00:27:24,285 --> 00:27:26,985
Therefore, be careful about how
you walk and make the best use of

645
00:27:26,985 --> 00:27:28,335
this season of life that you have.

646
00:27:29,295 --> 00:27:30,105
'cause the days are evil.

647
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:33,615
The world is against you and therefore,
don't be foolish, but understand

648
00:27:33,615 --> 00:27:34,365
what the will of the Lord is.

649
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,989
In other words, you have a,
you have a choice to make.

650
00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:39,840
Here you can choose to be foolish and
live in blissful ignorance, or you can

651
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:40,919
understand what the will of the Lord is.

652
00:27:40,919 --> 00:27:41,580
It's up to you.

653
00:27:41,639 --> 00:27:42,629
You get to make a decision here.

654
00:27:43,199 --> 00:27:44,370
Don't get drunk with wine.

655
00:27:45,090 --> 00:27:46,050
See how I'm making the connection?

656
00:27:46,050 --> 00:27:48,540
We have a connection about
drunkenness and, and sober mindedness.

657
00:27:48,540 --> 00:27:49,379
Don't get drunk with wine.

658
00:27:49,949 --> 00:27:55,649
For that is debauchery, but instead
of being controlled by the, by the by

659
00:27:55,649 --> 00:27:59,879
the intoxicating effects of alcohol
be filled and controlled by the

660
00:27:59,939 --> 00:28:01,709
intoxicating effects of the spirit.

661
00:28:02,445 --> 00:28:03,885
Of course you're not gonna be staggering.

662
00:28:03,885 --> 00:28:05,084
You're not gonna be slurring your words.

663
00:28:05,324 --> 00:28:10,605
The effect of the spirit is self-control,
sober mindedness be filled with the

664
00:28:10,605 --> 00:28:13,635
spirit such that he controls the way
that you think, the way that you live.

665
00:28:13,979 --> 00:28:14,820
What's that gonna look like?

666
00:28:14,820 --> 00:28:18,209
Well, verse 19, addressing one
another in psalms and hymns and

667
00:28:18,209 --> 00:28:21,270
spiritual songs, or singing and making
melody to the Lord with your heart.

668
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:25,409
They're always giving thanks, not
complaining for uh, and for everything

669
00:28:25,409 --> 00:28:29,159
to God the Father, in the name of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the kind of effect

670
00:28:29,159 --> 00:28:32,790
that the Spirit has on a man, possessed
by him is a man who's controlled.

671
00:28:32,790 --> 00:28:34,979
He's still reminded, he's often thankful.

672
00:28:35,004 --> 00:28:38,455
He's often so filled with joy that
he's singing and making melody.

673
00:28:38,635 --> 00:28:40,764
He can't stop the guy because
he's constantly thankful

674
00:28:40,764 --> 00:28:41,695
about his station in life.

675
00:28:41,725 --> 00:28:44,874
He's thinking about what God has done
and consequently the rest of his life,

676
00:28:44,905 --> 00:28:46,554
he's thinking he's being delivered about.

677
00:28:46,554 --> 00:28:48,084
I'm thanking God for what I'm about.

678
00:28:48,264 --> 00:28:50,304
I thank God I'm gonna go to Men's
Bible, so I'm gonna thank God

679
00:28:50,304 --> 00:28:51,564
that I get to be around these men.

680
00:28:51,774 --> 00:28:53,034
What a great privilege and a blessing.

681
00:28:53,215 --> 00:28:55,975
This man is vigilant about his life.

682
00:28:55,975 --> 00:28:59,094
He's not, he's, again, he's not
accidentally falling into godliness.

683
00:28:59,475 --> 00:29:02,655
A godly man doesn't accidentally
fall into a devoted life.

684
00:29:02,655 --> 00:29:03,975
No, he's vigilant about this.

685
00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,235
He looks carefully.

686
00:29:05,625 --> 00:29:08,415
Point number two, if you're gonna do
the same, I want you to vigilantly.

687
00:29:08,415 --> 00:29:13,035
Think about your life vigilance,
that word I was trying to find the

688
00:29:13,035 --> 00:29:16,485
most aggressive word I could use
to say, men, think about your life.

689
00:29:17,085 --> 00:29:19,185
Think about the moments in
the minutes that you have.

690
00:29:19,185 --> 00:29:21,885
Think, just be, be the kind of
guy that says, I'm gonna take

691
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:24,135
a step back and just reflect.

692
00:29:24,255 --> 00:29:25,185
How am I doing?

693
00:29:25,635 --> 00:29:27,075
How did that conversation go?

694
00:29:27,555 --> 00:29:29,295
How did I do at the table today?

695
00:29:29,295 --> 00:29:30,195
Was I loving my brothers?

696
00:29:30,195 --> 00:29:31,335
Did I give him adequate attention?

697
00:29:31,335 --> 00:29:32,145
Was I being selfish?

698
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:32,955
Was I talking too much?

699
00:29:32,955 --> 00:29:33,915
Was I talking too little?

700
00:29:34,455 --> 00:29:36,585
It, it's kind of like the, the,
I don't know, when you're wearing

701
00:29:36,585 --> 00:29:40,125
a dress shirt and you tuck it in,
sometimes I have these certain

702
00:29:40,125 --> 00:29:41,355
shirts that just keep on coming out.

703
00:29:41,385 --> 00:29:43,125
No matter what I do, I, I
just have to keep an eye on.

704
00:29:43,125 --> 00:29:46,095
I just keep tucking it back in again
and do the, in a private place where no

705
00:29:46,095 --> 00:29:49,395
one's looking to try to quickly tuck it
back in and be, be, uh, subtle about it.

706
00:29:49,905 --> 00:29:53,055
But no matter how much I tuck it,
it keeps on untucking one of those

707
00:29:53,055 --> 00:29:54,885
problems that we have in the, in the.

708
00:29:55,499 --> 00:29:58,739
In the 2025, although there
are solutions to that, uh,

709
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:00,030
I'll tell you about that later.

710
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:01,050
Not important.

711
00:30:01,709 --> 00:30:03,570
Um, tucking in a shirt that keeps
tucking at you, you just have to

712
00:30:03,570 --> 00:30:04,979
pay constant attention to that.

713
00:30:05,879 --> 00:30:06,509
Be vigilant.

714
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:07,379
Can't let your guard down.

715
00:30:07,379 --> 00:30:08,999
Otherwise, the shirt just comes
and tucked and looked like a slot.

716
00:30:10,139 --> 00:30:12,929
Several years ago, I went, I went
horseback riding in Norco in California.

717
00:30:12,929 --> 00:30:15,570
Before I left, I thought what
a romantic gesture for me to

718
00:30:15,570 --> 00:30:17,009
take my wife horseback riding.

719
00:30:17,009 --> 00:30:18,060
And it certainly was great.

720
00:30:18,330 --> 00:30:21,239
We went to this ranch, uh, uh,
next to the Santa Ana River.

721
00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:22,710
So I thought it was perfect.

722
00:30:23,220 --> 00:30:26,639
Uh, we get to the ranch and at that point
I was a little heavier than I was now.

723
00:30:26,895 --> 00:30:31,290
And, and so the, the, the attendant
looks at me and says, oh, that's

724
00:30:31,290 --> 00:30:32,580
not a pleasant starting place.

725
00:30:33,300 --> 00:30:33,540
Oh.

726
00:30:34,590 --> 00:30:37,080
Starts looking at their horses and says,
okay, I better, I'll be right back.

727
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:37,350
I need toll.

728
00:30:37,350 --> 00:30:39,930
Get the big horse, whatever buddy.

729
00:30:40,530 --> 00:30:41,790
I think it was actually a woman.

730
00:30:41,790 --> 00:30:44,639
But anyway, she goes, she comes back
with this horse, and I can't remember

731
00:30:44,639 --> 00:30:47,460
the horse's name, but I do know the
horse was not named like docile.

732
00:30:48,629 --> 00:30:50,310
Uh, he wasn't named Peaceful.

733
00:30:50,610 --> 00:30:53,460
It was named like, I don't know,
something like ferocious or something.

734
00:30:54,300 --> 00:30:54,899
Okay.

735
00:30:54,899 --> 00:30:58,050
So I get this really aggressive
horse who's really strong.

736
00:30:58,050 --> 00:30:58,889
I was, oh great.

737
00:30:58,950 --> 00:30:59,910
I'm not gonna fall off the horse.

738
00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:01,770
Probably he's not gonna drop me.

739
00:31:02,100 --> 00:31:06,090
And Kristen gets his basically
pony looking horse, this

740
00:31:06,090 --> 00:31:07,920
really chill, laid back horse.

741
00:31:08,730 --> 00:31:10,950
I'm on this big horse
'cause I was a bigger guy.

742
00:31:11,550 --> 00:31:13,170
And so the way they do it, they lead you.

743
00:31:13,170 --> 00:31:15,510
She's leading the pack and then
Kristen's right ahead of me

744
00:31:15,510 --> 00:31:16,649
and I'm in, I'm in the caboose.

745
00:31:17,235 --> 00:31:20,715
While sometime near the Santa Ana
river, as we're making our way through,

746
00:31:20,715 --> 00:31:24,135
I'm taking all the pictures I can and
enjoying the scenery, and it was awesome.

747
00:31:24,165 --> 00:31:27,195
It was one of the best times
in my life, but my horse just

748
00:31:27,195 --> 00:31:28,335
started getting kind of cranky.

749
00:31:28,665 --> 00:31:30,885
He just starts kind of bucking here
and bucking there, and it's just

750
00:31:30,885 --> 00:31:36,045
this moving and then he just gets
his wild desire to start sprinting.

751
00:31:36,885 --> 00:31:38,450
So I, I don't know what I'm doing.

752
00:31:38,455 --> 00:31:40,695
I'm gonna, this is the first
time I've ever ridden a horse.

753
00:31:41,385 --> 00:31:43,814
Well, second, the first time it
was one of the pony photos where

754
00:31:43,814 --> 00:31:44,955
you take a picture on the pony.

755
00:31:45,645 --> 00:31:49,335
So the second time I've been on a
horse, this guy just starts bucking

756
00:31:49,335 --> 00:31:51,284
it, and I'm sure he's not full speed.

757
00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:53,534
I, 'cause I don't, I'm sure this
guy could run much faster, but

758
00:31:53,534 --> 00:31:55,814
he was going, I was terrified.

759
00:31:55,905 --> 00:31:57,254
This guy is moving.

760
00:31:57,405 --> 00:31:58,514
He's gotta be 600 pounds.

761
00:31:58,514 --> 00:31:59,685
I don't know how he's a big horse.

762
00:31:59,745 --> 00:32:03,615
He's just moving my, uh, my, my
trainer, my leader, she gallops up to

763
00:32:03,615 --> 00:32:05,085
me and starts talking to the horse.

764
00:32:05,325 --> 00:32:07,725
Like she's trying to reason
with the guy like it's a horse.

765
00:32:08,774 --> 00:32:09,405
Slow down.

766
00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:10,155
Bloody your shoes.

767
00:32:10,155 --> 00:32:13,905
I'm like, one of those things ineffective.

768
00:32:14,235 --> 00:32:15,044
Try harder.

769
00:32:15,735 --> 00:32:18,825
I kid you not, she says just let
him get it out of his system.

770
00:32:19,034 --> 00:32:20,715
What do you mean I'm about to die?

771
00:32:20,715 --> 00:32:23,564
I, I'm ging, I'm trying to
keep on the horse terrified.

772
00:32:23,685 --> 00:32:25,064
I'm running ahead of everybody.

773
00:32:25,395 --> 00:32:27,585
I I'm losing it 'cause I'm
thinking this guy's gonna kill me.

774
00:32:27,675 --> 00:32:28,245
I'm gonna die.

775
00:32:28,245 --> 00:32:30,554
It's gonna be the Christopher
Reeve situation all over again.

776
00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:32,625
I was not looking forward to it.

777
00:32:33,195 --> 00:32:34,395
I was holding on for dear life.

778
00:32:34,754 --> 00:32:36,135
She said, pull back on the reins.

779
00:32:36,135 --> 00:32:37,545
I'm like, what do you think
I've been doing this whole time?

780
00:32:37,575 --> 00:32:40,065
I mean, pulling, he is not responding
even with the bit in his mouth and

781
00:32:40,065 --> 00:32:41,625
the, and the halter on his face.

782
00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:42,645
He was just going for it.

783
00:32:43,215 --> 00:32:45,885
Eventually, for whatever reason,
he decides he wants to slow down.

784
00:32:46,425 --> 00:32:48,014
This guy just slowed down.

785
00:32:48,705 --> 00:32:51,345
My heart stopped racing,
and then I enjoyed the last,

786
00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:52,125
I don't know, 10 minutes.

787
00:32:52,125 --> 00:32:54,435
The guy just sped through
the whole, the whole track.

788
00:32:54,915 --> 00:32:58,514
Uh, she said later on, he was just,
he was, he didn't want to, he didn't

789
00:32:58,514 --> 00:32:59,504
want to go on the trail again.

790
00:32:59,535 --> 00:33:00,345
He was bored of the trail.

791
00:33:00,345 --> 00:33:02,565
He wanted to get it over
with, so he sped it up.

792
00:33:03,135 --> 00:33:03,645
Thanks guy.

793
00:33:03,645 --> 00:33:04,275
Appreciate that.

794
00:33:06,345 --> 00:33:09,135
One of the problems with our
flesh is that like the horse,

795
00:33:09,135 --> 00:33:10,815
it can just get out of control.

796
00:33:10,815 --> 00:33:14,295
Our flesh can just kind of rr start
going, and you might be trying to pull

797
00:33:14,295 --> 00:33:17,295
on the reins and pull on the halter and
do everything you can to bid it, uh,

798
00:33:17,295 --> 00:33:18,795
to, to move the bit in your direction.

799
00:33:18,915 --> 00:33:21,525
But sometimes our flesh is
unwilling to cooperate with us.

800
00:33:22,215 --> 00:33:24,975
Your job is to not let
it get to that point.

801
00:33:24,975 --> 00:33:27,855
My mistake when I rode that horse
is I wasn't even paying attention.

802
00:33:27,855 --> 00:33:29,655
I wasn't thinking that the horse
is gonna go into full gallop.

803
00:33:30,135 --> 00:33:31,274
I'm just trying to enjoy the scenery.

804
00:33:31,274 --> 00:33:32,595
I'm looking at the Santa Ana River.

805
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:33,345
I'm saying this is amazing.

806
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:34,514
I'm with my wife, I'm with the horses.

807
00:33:34,514 --> 00:33:35,295
This is wonderful.

808
00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:36,585
Wasn't paying attention.

809
00:33:36,585 --> 00:33:39,615
And so even though I had my hands on
the reins, I was pretty loose about it.

810
00:33:40,365 --> 00:33:43,425
And so when he started to
gallop, I was caught off guard.

811
00:33:43,425 --> 00:33:46,305
And I, now I'm, I'm
reacting to his acting.

812
00:33:46,305 --> 00:33:47,595
And so now I'm unprepared.

813
00:33:47,595 --> 00:33:50,295
And so I'm trying to get a hold
of the horse after the fact.

814
00:33:50,535 --> 00:33:51,585
That was the problem.

815
00:33:51,585 --> 00:33:52,485
I wasn't ready.

816
00:33:52,770 --> 00:33:55,860
I wasn't ready to slow him down
when he throw any signs of getting

817
00:33:55,860 --> 00:33:57,120
ready to gallop outta my control.

818
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,380
The same thing is true with your flesh.

819
00:33:58,530 --> 00:34:01,980
You need to make sure that you're
always on top of your life, observing

820
00:34:02,070 --> 00:34:04,979
and being suspicious in a healthy
way of your flesh and saying, I don't

821
00:34:04,979 --> 00:34:06,330
wanna let this thing get outta control.

822
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,300
I like the way Paul puts it
in one Corinthians 9 27 in the

823
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:14,909
LSB, he says, I disciplined my
body and I make it my slave.

824
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,850
My body is my slave, not my master.

825
00:34:17,850 --> 00:34:20,010
My appetites might say, Hey, I want food.

826
00:34:20,010 --> 00:34:20,730
I want water.

827
00:34:20,730 --> 00:34:21,389
I want this.

828
00:34:21,389 --> 00:34:21,960
I want sleep.

829
00:34:22,170 --> 00:34:23,550
No, you're not my master.

830
00:34:23,580 --> 00:34:24,389
I'm the master.

831
00:34:24,389 --> 00:34:26,130
I will tell you when you will get rest.

832
00:34:26,429 --> 00:34:27,840
I will give you though, go ahead.

833
00:34:28,020 --> 00:34:29,070
I'm paying attention though.

834
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,139
I'm making my body my slave.

835
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:32,550
One Timothy four 16.

836
00:34:32,550 --> 00:34:33,420
Paul says this to Timothy.

837
00:34:33,420 --> 00:34:36,719
He says, keep a close watch on your life.

838
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:39,389
Pay close attention to your life.

839
00:34:39,870 --> 00:34:42,120
He'll also say, and on the teaching,
but he wants you to pay close

840
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,500
attention to what your life is.

841
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,110
To what you're doing with your time,
to what you're doing, with your words,

842
00:34:46,110 --> 00:34:47,580
to what you're doing, with your energy.

843
00:34:47,639 --> 00:34:49,020
Keep a close watch on yourself.

844
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,889
This means, man, that we have
to be vigilant about the way

845
00:34:52,889 --> 00:34:53,550
that we look at our lives.

846
00:34:53,550 --> 00:34:54,989
This is what it means to be sober minded.

847
00:34:55,350 --> 00:34:56,370
I'm constantly alert.

848
00:34:56,370 --> 00:34:58,830
I'm constantly paying close attention
to what I'm, what I'm doing in my life.

849
00:34:58,830 --> 00:35:00,600
I'm observing and I'm evaluating.

850
00:35:01,230 --> 00:35:05,520
I'm developing a healthy
suspicion about my inclinations.

851
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:07,020
Uh, does that make sense?

852
00:35:07,020 --> 00:35:07,800
Healthy suspicion.

853
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,510
I've, I've talked about this
before when we talked about being

854
00:35:09,510 --> 00:35:11,220
watchful, but it's so important.

855
00:35:11,790 --> 00:35:12,689
Psalm 1 39.

856
00:35:13,245 --> 00:35:13,905
David prays this.

857
00:35:13,905 --> 00:35:16,005
He says, search me oh
God, and know my heart.

858
00:35:16,455 --> 00:35:18,975
This is the posture of a sober minded man.

859
00:35:18,975 --> 00:35:21,045
He's saying, search me
God and know my heart.

860
00:35:21,345 --> 00:35:26,895
Try me and know my thoughts and see if
there be an to be any grievous way in me,

861
00:35:26,895 --> 00:35:28,785
and lead me in the way of everlasting.

862
00:35:29,205 --> 00:35:31,575
He's asking God, expose my heart.

863
00:35:31,875 --> 00:35:34,965
Show me me so that I'm not
self-deceived, so that my horse

864
00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:36,015
doesn't get outta control.

865
00:35:36,315 --> 00:35:38,925
I don't wanna be surprised
when I fall in sin.

866
00:35:38,925 --> 00:35:40,485
I want to know circumspectly.

867
00:35:41,085 --> 00:35:43,515
Oh, if I allow myself to do this,
and this is the, this is the

868
00:35:43,515 --> 00:35:46,275
inevitable end of that, so I'm
not gonna allow myself to do that.

869
00:35:46,455 --> 00:35:48,435
I'm not gonna allow myself
to get outta control.

870
00:35:48,885 --> 00:35:49,695
Search me in Noo.

871
00:35:49,935 --> 00:35:50,115
God.

872
00:35:50,115 --> 00:35:53,865
A sober minded man is constantly
vigilantly looking at his life,

873
00:35:54,015 --> 00:35:57,225
looking at his marriage, looking at
his parenting, looking at his serving,

874
00:35:57,405 --> 00:36:00,255
looking at his Bible, reading his,
his devotional life with the Lord.

875
00:36:00,255 --> 00:36:02,085
He's vigilantly, guarding and searching.

876
00:36:02,085 --> 00:36:02,835
How am I doing?

877
00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:03,675
How's this going?

878
00:36:03,885 --> 00:36:06,855
Is there anything in my life, any
habits that I have that are gonna

879
00:36:06,855 --> 00:36:10,305
lead me in the wrong direction
or be a disservice to my family?

880
00:36:10,650 --> 00:36:13,230
Or a disservice to my church or
a disservice to anyone that I,

881
00:36:13,260 --> 00:36:15,870
I'm called to love vigilantly.

882
00:36:15,870 --> 00:36:18,930
Think about your life vigilance.

883
00:36:19,740 --> 00:36:21,420
Oh, man, there's so much more
to say about this, but let's

884
00:36:21,420 --> 00:36:22,620
just leave it with this here.

885
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,510
It, it's like weeding your, your lawn.

886
00:36:25,170 --> 00:36:26,640
You see one, you see one weed.

887
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,200
Easy to go and pick it up.

888
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:28,770
Pull it out.

889
00:36:29,310 --> 00:36:31,560
It's also easy to leave it alone, right?

890
00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:32,160
It's easy to say.

891
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,180
Well, I'll get to that later.

892
00:36:33,615 --> 00:36:35,685
Next thing you know, day two,
there's three weeds there.

893
00:36:35,715 --> 00:36:37,575
Day five, there's 30 weeds there.

894
00:36:37,575 --> 00:36:38,985
Day six or Hal is weeds.

895
00:36:38,985 --> 00:36:43,245
I've seen some of my neighbors, they have
their whole lawn covered, covered with

896
00:36:43,245 --> 00:36:45,195
weeds and thought, how did it get there?

897
00:36:45,435 --> 00:36:46,215
It started with one.

898
00:36:46,425 --> 00:36:48,885
One weed showed up one day and they just
thought, well, I'll get to it eventually.

899
00:36:49,245 --> 00:36:50,805
Don't allow your life to grow in weeds.

900
00:36:50,805 --> 00:36:54,135
It's better to kill sin in
infancy rather than to wait till

901
00:36:54,135 --> 00:36:55,395
it's strong enough to kill you.

902
00:36:56,205 --> 00:37:00,945
So a reminded reflection allows you
to, to see what's happening and to kill

903
00:37:00,945 --> 00:37:02,145
sin in your life before it kills you.

904
00:37:03,405 --> 00:37:04,875
Qualified leaders are intentional leaders.

905
00:37:04,875 --> 00:37:06,195
Qualified men are intentional men.

906
00:37:06,345 --> 00:37:07,365
That's what we're calling ourselves to.

907
00:37:08,115 --> 00:37:08,385
Okay.

908
00:37:08,385 --> 00:37:09,585
Beyond sober mindedness.

909
00:37:10,035 --> 00:37:12,045
We have one more small thing to look at.

910
00:37:12,765 --> 00:37:17,175
Take a look with me at one Timothy
chapter three, starting at verse two.

911
00:37:19,185 --> 00:37:20,565
Actually, let's do it at verse one again.

912
00:37:20,985 --> 00:37:21,225
No.

913
00:37:21,225 --> 00:37:21,675
Verse two is good.

914
00:37:21,705 --> 00:37:23,955
Therefore, an overseer
must be above reproach.

915
00:37:23,955 --> 00:37:24,945
He's the husband of one wife.

916
00:37:24,945 --> 00:37:26,775
He's still reminded, he's self controlled.

917
00:37:26,985 --> 00:37:29,595
Titus chapter one, verse eight
also says the same thing.

918
00:37:29,595 --> 00:37:30,225
It's self control.

919
00:37:30,225 --> 00:37:32,895
So there's the corresponding
section here, self controlled,

920
00:37:32,895 --> 00:37:34,035
something we've talked about before.

921
00:37:34,215 --> 00:37:37,455
This is to be literally control
over, control over yourself.

922
00:37:37,785 --> 00:37:39,585
Uh, someone who's prudent,
someone who's thoughtful.

923
00:37:40,155 --> 00:37:41,385
Um, this, this word is used.

924
00:37:41,385 --> 00:37:45,585
The ATI form is used four times in Titus
and Timothy, two times in our passage.

925
00:37:45,585 --> 00:37:46,785
And once regarding older men.

926
00:37:46,785 --> 00:37:47,715
We saw this earlier.

927
00:37:48,150 --> 00:37:49,860
And also one time regarding young women.

928
00:37:49,860 --> 00:37:53,460
So this ATI of form of the word for
self-control appears four times we

929
00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:56,700
see it, all of them in the pastoral
epistles, which is interesting.

930
00:37:57,270 --> 00:37:57,870
Self-control.

931
00:37:57,900 --> 00:37:58,890
This is something we've talked about.

932
00:37:58,890 --> 00:38:00,810
It has lots of overlap with
everything that we're saying.

933
00:38:00,810 --> 00:38:03,030
So let's just understand here
that self-control is something

934
00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:05,490
that you should exemplify for your
family's sake, for the sake of the

935
00:38:05,490 --> 00:38:06,630
gospel, for the sake of Christ.

936
00:38:06,990 --> 00:38:09,480
Qualified leaders are intentional
leaders and therefore they

937
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,250
intentionally grow in self-control.

938
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:15,390
No one accidentally becomes more
godly in this category unless you

939
00:38:15,390 --> 00:38:16,770
point number three, induce it.

940
00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:19,065
Induce, that's a very specific word.

941
00:38:19,065 --> 00:38:20,505
I chose that on purpose, induce it.

942
00:38:21,135 --> 00:38:24,705
Maybe you, you maybe your
wife, like mine had a baby.

943
00:38:25,035 --> 00:38:26,625
They had to induce the labor.

944
00:38:27,135 --> 00:38:31,125
We got to the hospital, long Beach
Memorial with Jacob ready to pop out.

945
00:38:31,125 --> 00:38:32,685
She's already, she's ready to go.

946
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:33,915
She's having contractions.

947
00:38:34,125 --> 00:38:36,255
But as we're sitting there, long
Beach Memorial, I, I don't know

948
00:38:36,255 --> 00:38:39,435
if they're renting a hospital or
if they're renting, uh, a farm.

949
00:38:39,435 --> 00:38:40,425
They're trying to get us through quickly.

950
00:38:40,890 --> 00:38:42,480
So they're like, you know,
this is going too slow.

951
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,190
We're gonna induce you with some Pitocin.

952
00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:47,520
They put some Pitocin in the iv,
dripped it into her veins, and

953
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,700
suddenly she is contracting like
she's never contracted before.

954
00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:52,170
Boom, boom, boom.

955
00:38:52,170 --> 00:38:53,400
Just ready to shoot the thing out.

956
00:38:54,450 --> 00:38:58,800
Jacob makes his way out in
record time and it was amazing.

957
00:38:59,550 --> 00:39:02,430
What was interesting is that
even though these, she, she says,

958
00:39:02,460 --> 00:39:05,100
reflecting on the event, this was
some of the most painful experiences

959
00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:06,720
she's ever had having, having a baby.

960
00:39:07,140 --> 00:39:10,020
Uh, but the Pitocin, I took
it to 11 and Pitocin just.

961
00:39:11,055 --> 00:39:11,835
I respect it.

962
00:39:11,895 --> 00:39:12,645
I don't wanna do that.

963
00:39:13,665 --> 00:39:15,375
Maybe your spiritual
life needs some Pitocin.

964
00:39:15,765 --> 00:39:18,795
Maybe you need to induce some
contracting so that you grow in

965
00:39:18,795 --> 00:39:23,175
spiritual and spiritual maturity
and particularly self-control.

966
00:39:23,175 --> 00:39:23,205
I.

967
00:39:23,940 --> 00:39:27,510
Uh, I would love for you to think
about the way that your life is going.

968
00:39:27,510 --> 00:39:30,990
Again, sober minded reflection allows you
to say, okay, now, Lord, now that I see

969
00:39:30,990 --> 00:39:35,550
what my life is doing, how I'm living,
where can I take control by the power of

970
00:39:35,550 --> 00:39:40,620
the spirit to see a better outcome, to
grow in godliness, to grow in maturity.

971
00:39:41,370 --> 00:39:43,080
I alluded this when I got on that horse.

972
00:39:43,140 --> 00:39:45,120
I was in the ballpark at 2 50, 2 60.

973
00:39:46,350 --> 00:39:47,010
That's a lot of weight.

974
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:51,300
It's a big dude, several years
and just between us here.

975
00:39:52,065 --> 00:39:54,255
Several years of my life, I
really wrestled with my weight.

976
00:39:54,885 --> 00:39:55,245
Really.

977
00:39:55,335 --> 00:39:56,505
I still, I still wrestle with it.

978
00:39:56,505 --> 00:39:57,495
I think about it all the time.

979
00:39:57,705 --> 00:40:01,335
Not because I'm vain, but because I know
it's such an evident part of my godliness.

980
00:40:01,935 --> 00:40:04,545
Evident in a positive way,
or evident in a negative way.

981
00:40:05,175 --> 00:40:06,345
The height of my weight.

982
00:40:06,345 --> 00:40:09,285
I was two 60, somewhere in that ballpark
and, and when I was riding the horse, and

983
00:40:09,285 --> 00:40:12,195
then she's like, oh, big boy, big horse.

984
00:40:12,405 --> 00:40:13,905
I was ashamed and I was embarrassed.

985
00:40:14,535 --> 00:40:16,965
Wasn't ashamed and embarrassed
enough to really do a lot yet.

986
00:40:17,445 --> 00:40:21,045
But it got me thinking, okay, why
should I exercise self-control

987
00:40:21,045 --> 00:40:22,185
over this part of my life?

988
00:40:22,635 --> 00:40:24,525
And I wrote some stuff down
in my journal at this point.

989
00:40:24,525 --> 00:40:26,595
Lemme lemme just read a couple
items of things that I wrote down

990
00:40:26,595 --> 00:40:27,855
the why I thought it was important.

991
00:40:28,725 --> 00:40:32,205
Um, I, I, I, if I did this, if I lost
weight, I would have more energy.

992
00:40:32,865 --> 00:40:34,995
Losing weight will allow my
body to regularly have more

993
00:40:34,995 --> 00:40:36,105
energy for the day's tasks.

994
00:40:36,735 --> 00:40:38,805
Second, I put number two,
glorify God on my body.

995
00:40:38,925 --> 00:40:41,895
One Corinthians six, 19 and 20, I quoted
that there and I said, it's important

996
00:40:41,895 --> 00:40:45,525
to know that the context is sexual
morality here, but I am in the same way.

997
00:40:45,810 --> 00:40:46,950
Property of the Lord Jesus.

998
00:40:46,950 --> 00:40:49,950
My body is not to be used for the
sin of gluttony or sexual morality,

999
00:40:50,220 --> 00:40:52,500
but for him, I put live for my boys.

1000
00:40:52,830 --> 00:40:53,730
Um, and I put stuff there.

1001
00:40:53,730 --> 00:40:55,920
I wanna live to, to, to serve
my boys without have any girls.

1002
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,200
At that point, I wanna
honor Kristen with my body.

1003
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:00,900
Um, here's something I
put again between us.

1004
00:41:01,140 --> 00:41:02,190
I put, this is shameful.

1005
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,500
Kristen married me nearly
a hundred pounds ago.

1006
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:05,850
This is unloving of me.

1007
00:41:06,060 --> 00:41:08,640
She married me with a certain physical
appearance and it's almost as if I

1008
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,400
tricked her and now letting her, letting
my true fat and lazy man come out.

1009
00:41:12,090 --> 00:41:12,779
This cannot be.

1010
00:41:13,665 --> 00:41:16,905
Um, that's what I wrote to
me inside, into my head.

1011
00:41:18,015 --> 00:41:20,955
Uh, be physically healthy and
therefore better able to serve others.

1012
00:41:23,325 --> 00:41:26,715
Uh, I I put here, I can assume easily
that my physical health will have an

1013
00:41:26,715 --> 00:41:28,335
impact on my spiritual health as well.

1014
00:41:29,385 --> 00:41:30,645
Fun fact, I found that to be true.

1015
00:41:31,815 --> 00:41:35,685
Be an example to everyone that sin
is to be fought in all areas of life.

1016
00:41:36,765 --> 00:41:37,395
Here's another one.

1017
00:41:37,425 --> 00:41:38,985
Stop being ashamed of myself in public.

1018
00:41:40,020 --> 00:41:41,940
This is particularly special in my heart.

1019
00:41:42,270 --> 00:41:45,360
I'm out of control in my eating
and everyone can see that.

1020
00:41:46,110 --> 00:41:49,620
If I am overweight, I'm
not taking care of myself.

1021
00:41:49,710 --> 00:41:52,710
This brings me a healthy
and gracious dose of shame.

1022
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,460
Lord, help me love the
gift more than the giver.

1023
00:41:57,060 --> 00:41:58,140
I love food so much.

1024
00:41:58,260 --> 00:42:01,080
I often will find happiness
in eating it more than I find

1025
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,490
happiness in joy in Jesus.

1026
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,140
I need to remove this idol.

1027
00:42:05,190 --> 00:42:07,830
I also put having less pain in my
knees 'cause my knees were hurting.

1028
00:42:07,830 --> 00:42:09,960
I was getting so much weight, my
knees were starting to, to struggle

1029
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:10,800
under the weight of my body.

1030
00:42:11,310 --> 00:42:14,640
I, I bring this up to you and I expose
this very vulnerable information

1031
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:19,590
that I wrote about a decade ago, a
little over that actually, because I

1032
00:42:19,590 --> 00:42:22,620
want you to see the way that I think
this, this works in practicality.

1033
00:42:22,980 --> 00:42:26,370
I know it's dangerous to use itself as an
example, but this is what God did for me.

1034
00:42:26,370 --> 00:42:27,840
This is how God showed me myself.

1035
00:42:28,530 --> 00:42:31,890
And this is one evident area where
people can honestly see, okay, is that

1036
00:42:31,890 --> 00:42:35,100
guy, is that man caring for himself
in the way that God wants him to?

1037
00:42:35,370 --> 00:42:36,480
This is not true for all of us.

1038
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,780
Obviously, this is not anyone who's
overweight is not automatically a glutton.

1039
00:42:39,780 --> 00:42:41,520
Anyone who's underweight is
not automatically healthy.

1040
00:42:41,550 --> 00:42:42,510
We all understand that.

1041
00:42:43,020 --> 00:42:45,660
What I'm using this for to say, look, this
is what sober minded reflection can look

1042
00:42:45,660 --> 00:42:47,160
like and how it results in self control.

1043
00:42:47,490 --> 00:42:50,310
Eventually, God got ahold of my heart and
gave me the grace to say, okay, it's time.

1044
00:42:50,340 --> 00:42:51,180
No more messing around.

1045
00:42:52,110 --> 00:42:54,390
But every day I still have to
think, okay, am I loving food or

1046
00:42:54,390 --> 00:42:55,470
am I loving the giver of the food?

1047
00:42:56,010 --> 00:42:58,680
I think to myself, am I allowing
myself to eat in such a way so as

1048
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,860
to give honor to the food or give
honor to the giver of the food?

1049
00:43:02,460 --> 00:43:03,810
And I want you to do
the same with your life.

1050
00:43:04,500 --> 00:43:05,460
Food might be it for you.

1051
00:43:05,730 --> 00:43:06,360
May not be.

1052
00:43:06,810 --> 00:43:08,550
It might be the way that you
spend your free time, the books

1053
00:43:08,550 --> 00:43:11,160
that you read, the shows that you
watch, or even how much you watch.

1054
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,080
It might be a lot of
different things for you.

1055
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,900
Whatever it is, self-control
ought to be the way that people

1056
00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:18,090
characterize every aspect of your life.

1057
00:43:18,585 --> 00:43:21,345
You're being above reproach and being
above reproach, being self-control,

1058
00:43:21,345 --> 00:43:22,785
and it's not gonna accidentally happen.

1059
00:43:22,785 --> 00:43:24,405
You have to take responsibility for it.

1060
00:43:24,615 --> 00:43:26,205
So I want you to think about the why.

1061
00:43:26,775 --> 00:43:29,205
If you're gonna start taking self-control,
if you're gonna induce it in your

1062
00:43:29,205 --> 00:43:33,105
life, let me just encourage you, think
about why it matters that you do it.

1063
00:43:33,645 --> 00:43:37,095
Whatever it is that you think God's
encouraging you to grow in self-control.

1064
00:43:37,425 --> 00:43:38,895
Why does he want me to do this?

1065
00:43:38,925 --> 00:43:40,215
How does it affect my family?

1066
00:43:40,215 --> 00:43:41,175
How does it affect my life?

1067
00:43:41,325 --> 00:43:42,735
How does it affect my witness?

1068
00:43:42,855 --> 00:43:45,135
Ask the why and answer to
the best of your ability.

1069
00:43:45,660 --> 00:43:48,870
Maybe you need to be as vulnerable as
I've been in my journal a decade ago.

1070
00:43:49,140 --> 00:43:51,180
Maybe not, but ask the why.

1071
00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:53,970
If you wanna induce growth in
self-control, you gotta give

1072
00:43:53,970 --> 00:43:57,510
yourself a motivating reason why to
do it, to suffer the penalty or to

1073
00:43:57,510 --> 00:43:59,400
suffer the pain of the discomfort.

1074
00:44:01,020 --> 00:44:04,050
I was listening, listening to a song the
other day, uh, from, from Switchfoot.

1075
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:04,830
I like Switchfoot.

1076
00:44:05,250 --> 00:44:08,820
Uh, they, they have this song called
Live It Well, and the chorus is simple.

1077
00:44:08,850 --> 00:44:10,680
It's kind of, it's kind of hokey,
but here's what the chorus is.

1078
00:44:10,980 --> 00:44:11,700
Life is short.

1079
00:44:11,700 --> 00:44:12,270
I wanna live it.

1080
00:44:12,270 --> 00:44:12,420
Well.

1081
00:44:12,810 --> 00:44:14,640
One life, one story to tell.

1082
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:15,540
Life is short.

1083
00:44:15,540 --> 00:44:16,020
I wanna live it.

1084
00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:17,279
Well, and you're the one I'm living for.

1085
00:44:17,279 --> 00:44:18,270
He's talking about God there.

1086
00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:19,860
Awaken all my soul.

1087
00:44:19,980 --> 00:44:21,660
Every breath that you take is a miracle.

1088
00:44:21,810 --> 00:44:22,560
Life is short.

1089
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:23,130
I wanna live it.

1090
00:44:23,130 --> 00:44:27,360
Well, like if you wanna live your
life well, I can guarantee you're

1091
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,050
not gonna regret saying, man, I
worked really hard to be a godly man.

1092
00:44:31,290 --> 00:44:33,450
You're not gonna look back at your
life and say, man, did I live it?

1093
00:44:33,450 --> 00:44:35,250
Well, well, you, you, you'll
know that you lived it.

1094
00:44:35,250 --> 00:44:38,190
Well, if you're taking steps toward
faithful godliness and obedience,

1095
00:44:38,970 --> 00:44:42,150
you're gonna be able to say, I, I,
I made the best use of the time.

1096
00:44:42,465 --> 00:44:43,245
The days were evil.

1097
00:44:43,305 --> 00:44:47,175
But man, God gave me grace and I got to
impact lots of people because of my life.

1098
00:44:47,625 --> 00:44:48,915
I got to serve my family well.

1099
00:44:48,915 --> 00:44:52,035
I got to love my bride for as
long as God gave me to enjoy her.

1100
00:44:52,035 --> 00:44:54,645
And by the way, you don't
have a guarantee of 70 years.

1101
00:44:54,675 --> 00:44:55,455
You know that, right?

1102
00:44:55,875 --> 00:44:57,975
I don't get to love my bride
with the idea that I'm gonna

1103
00:44:57,975 --> 00:44:58,965
carry her all the way to 80.

1104
00:44:58,965 --> 00:45:03,915
I'd like that, but man, I don't
want to take my bride for granted.

1105
00:45:04,065 --> 00:45:05,384
I don't wanna take my life for granted.

1106
00:45:05,535 --> 00:45:06,435
Take marriage for granted.

1107
00:45:07,665 --> 00:45:08,295
I wanna live life.

1108
00:45:08,295 --> 00:45:10,485
Well, if you wanna be a qualified
leader, it starts today.

1109
00:45:10,665 --> 00:45:11,955
Where do you need to be more intentional?

1110
00:45:12,435 --> 00:45:15,975
Where do you need to say, I'm not
gonna let things accidentally happen.

1111
00:45:16,575 --> 00:45:17,355
Maybe it's your marriage.

1112
00:45:17,355 --> 00:45:19,935
Maybe it's your thought life,
your discipline, whatever it is.

1113
00:45:19,935 --> 00:45:22,875
I encourage you think long and
hard about this because no one

1114
00:45:22,935 --> 00:45:24,585
accidentally drift into godliness.

1115
00:45:24,885 --> 00:45:27,435
We take that bull by the horns, by the
grace of God, for the glory of God.

1116
00:45:27,795 --> 00:45:28,125
Let's pray.

1117
00:45:29,190 --> 00:45:31,200
God, we do thank you for the
opportunity to think carefully

1118
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,250
about these three things.

1119
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,540
We don't want a small O-ring to get
in the way and cause distraction in

1120
00:45:36,540 --> 00:45:37,830
our, or destruction in our lives.

1121
00:45:38,220 --> 00:45:42,960
So help us Lord, to be circumspect, to
think carefully about our lives, to highly

1122
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,770
regard marriage, because it represents
so much for us as a church, as a people.

1123
00:45:47,070 --> 00:45:49,260
It's something that you care about,
is something that you invented?

1124
00:45:50,430 --> 00:45:51,570
Help us therefore to esteem it.

1125
00:45:52,155 --> 00:45:54,945
Help us also, Lord, to be sober minded
about the way that we live our lives.

1126
00:45:54,945 --> 00:45:57,525
To constantly think about what
we're doing, how we're spending

1127
00:45:57,525 --> 00:46:00,255
our money, the foods that we're
eating, the way that we're leading,

1128
00:46:00,555 --> 00:46:03,615
the way that we're interacting
with others, how we're mentoring

1129
00:46:03,645 --> 00:46:05,085
others or being mentored by others.

1130
00:46:05,085 --> 00:46:08,805
The books that we read, the music we
listen to, the, the, the verses that

1131
00:46:08,805 --> 00:46:12,915
we memorize or don't memorize, help us
to be circumspect about the way that we

1132
00:46:12,915 --> 00:46:18,045
live, to be disciplined, intentional, and
thoughtful about our approach to life.

1133
00:46:18,855 --> 00:46:21,465
Finally, Lord, we want
to exercise self-control.

1134
00:46:21,465 --> 00:46:24,405
When we see those things, it's one thing
to notice it as another, to act upon it.

1135
00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:27,375
Help us to act upon these
things with self-control.

1136
00:46:27,495 --> 00:46:30,405
Empowered by your spirit
for the glory of King Jesus.

1137
00:46:30,435 --> 00:46:31,785
He's the one that we live for.

1138
00:46:32,025 --> 00:46:34,245
So help us to recognize life is shortened.

1139
00:46:34,245 --> 00:46:34,875
We wanna live it.

1140
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:37,335
Well, for your sake, we ask
all this in Jesus' name.

1141
00:46:37,665 --> 00:46:38,085
Amen.