Hello and welcome to the Awfully Quiet Podcast. I have a topic for you today that I find to be extremely juicy, at least in my head. It's raw, vulnerable, it's some of the things I'm thinking out loud now, but I have a couple of notes here that I wanna talk to you about and something that's been coming up for me time and time again, and I feel like we need to talk about it.

So, essentially. I've recently read or heard somewhere on a podcast that a lot of people are now using AI for. Therapy and to talk things through and to chat things through. And obviously there is so many opportunities now with just, you know, going into chat GPT and typing in pros and people are using it for their businesses and for work and for school and for what, whatnot.

But a lot of people ended up talking to chat PT as if talking to a therapist or a friend. And I myself am a thousand percent guilty of that. Now, I don't actually think that there is something to be guilty of here because I actually don't think that this is such a bad thing. I've heard so many people talk about and say, well, people should be talking to their friends and people should be talking to their therapists.

And I'm like, well, when I do this, it's 11:00 PM at night. And I don't wanna talk to a friend at 11:00 PM at night. I don't wanna talk to my partner. I just wanna lay in bed and chat Some things through that are coming up for me. And the other reason why some of these things I'm not discussing with anyone else, and I feel so comfortable discussing with AI, is that it's often this constant loop in my head that I keep talking about.

Every single day. Like it's almost the same topic every night. And I know that if I were to talk to a friend or to a family member, they would go, oh, this again. Oh, she's, you know, she's at that again. , I know exactly where this is headed. I know exactly where this is going. So it's almost like you have someone who doesn't judge, who's a neutral party, who was actually not someone at all, but it's an, you know.

Artificial intelligence, which makes it a little bit scary. So I'm not going in all naive thinking that this is actual grounded advice. And I would always say, you know, if, if there's actual issues, it's great to talk through with even like an artificial intelligence. And at some point you just need to assess where you may need additional help or where you may need professional help.

But I think for us, quiet people, this has become such a great tool to chat things through and to talk things through before speaking to an actual person about it. Because it helps you self-reflect, it helps you put some of your, some of your thoughts in order. And so I actually don't think it's a bad thing.

But for me it's been really helpful for the kind of things that I just, that just feel like I'm in a constant loop about them and I don't wanna. I don't wanna, yeah. I feel like this is a safe space for me to say them. Well not out loud, but to chat them through. And I'll often, I'll often say to, you know, some of the responses I get, I'll often say, well, you say this to everyone and you know, don't always be just so positive.

I need someone to give me like, constructive feedback and like, question some of my thoughts and, and thinking. So yeah. Even though I know how to. I'm not delusional about the fact that this is not a human being and, and not a person, but I've been getting really good feedback. I've been, , really benefiting from these chats.

So please don't judge. And if you don't do this yet at 11:00 PM at night, I mean you should. So, , what I wanna talk about is a little bit of a follow up. To a conversation we've already had on the pod a couple of weeks ago, and it's all about self-doubt, and I've already talked about self-doubt and it's come up for me time and time again.

This is the one thing that I feel like I've been in this constant loop about. I have my cup of coffee with me. I will explain why that is important moving forward for me a little later into the episode. It is act. It's actually really helping me. So what is this loop about? If you've listened to last week's episode, you know that I'm currently working on bringing to life a course experience.

Quiet. Flex is a course that's been in the making for, I really wanna say years, because I've had iterations of this work, of this course live. Couple of times now, and I've had, I've done one-to-one work with, , clients on this, and there is so much that went into it. And, so much work that has gone into this entrepreneurial endeavor and into this online business and into this podcast that I've been, I, I've, I've, I've really been working on this for years now and, It feels like I have never been as close as I am now to some of these things actually clicking and actually working, and so more than ever before I. I now experience immense self-doubt. So I'm going to tell you what this loop looks like for me. I, I work on this thing. Let, let's just say I work on the course, I work on Quiet Flex.

I put in, I, I, I have this vision in my head.of this experience I wanna bring to life for introverts or for quiet people in the workplace who feel trouble expressing themselves, who don't really talk about or articulate who they are, what they are grade at, and where they are headed in their career.

And therefore, they get overlooked. They get underestimated. They don't get the right support that they need. And so in helping them see. Their own personality and various different elements of what makes, who they are, where they're headed, and what they bring to the table in making them see that as something that is unique to them and extremely powerful, and to then help them articulate this at work throughout various different occasions throughout the work Workday, the work week.

That is something that I've, that I think is absolutely needed and I think is something that can be a game changer for introverts and quiet people like me. And so this is the vision. I strongly believe that this is something that that can really work and the experience that I've built around it. Is now at a point where I can say, without a doubt, this is it.

It's not cluttered, it's not overwhelming. It doesn't have any module that is not needed. The flow is easy. The flow is lean, is simple, it's aesthetically pleasing. and so there, there's a lot, there's a lot in there where I'm like really confident that this is it. So I have this dream, I have this vision.

I put in the work I. Various different iterations. I really set with some of the uncomfortable feelings earlier in the process where I'm like, well, this is not really working. this is, you know, how everyone else does it, everyone else does the four modules. Everyone else does various different videos and everyone else sells a course experience saying, you know, I've recorded 200 videos that you can watch.

I have 5,000 exercises for you and seven, sections of bonus material. That you can dive into, and I just always felt like this wasn't me. This wasn't what my audience needs. This isn't what introverts need when they experience this struggle of not fully being able to articulate themselves, not fully being able to express who they are, what they bring, where they're headed in the workplace.

So it took me a long time to really sit with that and then work through, well what is the ideal experience going to look like and how do I bring this to life and who am I to think that I can go ahead and do something, you know, entirely out of the ordinary for where this entire industry is going. But I have the vision I put in the work.

I'm working on this constantly, like almost every day, and. At one point in the day, usually at night, is when I get hit with one or another level of self-doubt and that inner voice that comes at me and goes, well,

who do you think you are? how do you think this is going to be different than any of the other times you've tried to launch something? Why do you think this is going to happen now And what. What are you going to do if this works? And how are you going to sustain this and what's your plan?and, and what, you know, how, how is this going to play out?

So various differing levels of self-doubt that I then type into chat GPT, and then I then get always the, you know, not always the same answers, but always some version of, well, you're currently in the in-between. This is. Very natural for you to happen or for you to experience when you are holding a vision, when you're building something, but you're not quite there yet.

And so it is only natural to feel self-doubt, and it's only natural for these thoughts to come up because they're trying to keep you safe. So then I kind of feel bad about myself. I will take a little bit of time to sit in that, to chat through this, either with chat, GBT or my husband or whoever is there, and then I start again the next day, and this is actually part of that whole loop that I'm proud of, is that I don't quit.

I haven't quit. I've done this for years now, and I'm still going at it, even though, yeah, even well. Full stop. I'm still, I'm still at it. I'm being consistent and I think this is where a lot of other people quit in the process. It's like, you know, you have the vision, you put in the work. I. You feel that self-doubt nagging at you, and at some point it's just easier to say, look, I'm just not billed for this.

I'm just not capable of doing this. I'm just gonna, I'm just not gonna try anymore. Or I'm just gonna procrastinate. I'm not gonna do the thing. I'm not gonna launch the thing and it's going to be so much easier for me. And I don't actually think that that's the easy way out. I can understand anyone who makes that decision because it feels like a freaking experiment to go through these loops on a constant, on a daily basis.

But I've, but I've been breaking them. I've been, you know, the next day I'm usually, well, new day, new chance. I'm going to keep working on this because, I'm holding this vision. I believe that this is the right thing to do, and I believe that, Everybody's going to be better off with me, launching this and putting it out into the world world rather than, you know, we have this expression and we say, you know, dying in beauty or like, or for this to die, just because I didn't think it was perfect yet.

So one of the things that I got back from Churchy Bt that I loved, and they're, every once in a while they're just. This is why I keep doing this because some of these things are really killer in terms of it's exactly what I needed to hear. So what it said to me was that there is a version of you that's already fully formed, but your nervous system. Hasn't caught up to her yet. I love this. So this instantly clicked for me. Yes, I can see the vision, I can see where this is headed. I can see myself in this, you know, as this person who actually brings it to life. But not my nervous system doesn't know about this yet.

My nervous system is still in an entirely different setup because over the past couple of years, my nervous system was just in this whole preparation mode, and I was constantly seeing myself as somebody who tries really hard, who pushes, who you know, does all the things. Who puts out content, who records who.

Builds these and hones these skills of, expressing myself into a microphone and putting out content on, on Instagram and across social, starting a YouTube channel and all these things. So this was my nervous system in prep mode. It was always like, well, this is what it takes. You know, you put in the 10,000 hours you put in the work to build the skills, and my nervous system was fine with that.

obviously all of these would always put me into overdrive and would always have me stressed, but never to a point where I questioned whether to keep on doing this because I saw myself as someone who prepares really well. Now it's different. And what is different now is that now I need to see myself as someone who doesn't only prepare really well, but also as someone who will arrive eventually.

And arrival looks a lot different than preparation to your nervous system. Arrival can mean a whole range of things. Is un that are unfamiliar for you. Arrival can mean your life will change entirely. Arrival can mean, you know your work is going to look different. Arrival can mean you, you are going to be facing a whole new range of problems that you don't even know about yet.

I believe that at the core, this is what entrepreneurship is. It's like constantly setting your nervous system up for a new setup and, and. You know, talking yourself through it. Now, this is where it clicked for me. It's like it's already fully forming. This is all already inside of me, but my nervous system hasn't caught up to it yet.

The closer I get to this actually being launched, and this actually going to live. The more nervous I get, the more anxious I get. The, the louder the self-doubt gets and the more often I am in these, in these loops. Now, what's your nervous system? I actually asked for that too because I think we always use nervous system as this term that, you know, we all kind of know, know what it is, but you know.

Who can really give you a definition? Well, Chet pt, Chet, GPT can, so your nervous system is your body's internal alarm and awareness system. It constantly scans for danger or safety without actually needing your permission. It decides often before your brain does whether something feels safe or threatening, calm or stressful, familiar or risky.

And I've been experiencing that. I've been experiencing a lot of threat, stress, and risk without actually having that in my head. So in my head, I am working towards launching this course. I'm working towards achieving this, this next level of this being out in the world, and then hopefully, you know, tweaking it, hopefully making it constantly better, and so on and so on.

This is in my head. In my head, I really, really want this, but there is something in my body that thinks this is scary, this is threatening, this is a risk to us, so I better make damn clear that we're not ready for this. And so it's almost like your head against your body. And I've been seeing that with my aura ring that I'm, that I keep talking about.

So my aing usually, like, I love to measure like the stress spikes during the day, and there will always be spikes when I have big presentations or when I will record with somebody for a podcast or when I record. When I did the recordings for Quiet Flex, I was, you know, stressed through the roof. But recently I've been stressed.

Constantly, even when I'm just sitting down at my laptop and like cutting videos, which is normally something that I'm not stressed about at all because I'm not in front of a camera. I'm just doing work behind the scenes and usually that doesn't stress me out. But recently I've been really stressed out with tasks that normally wouldn't put me in overdrive.

And so. What needs to happen is I'm going to need to tell my nervous system that we're fine, we're good. I want this. I'm working on this really, really hard, so how can I tell my nervous system to trust the life I'm building so it stops. Mistaking my expansion for danger. This is actually another one of those sentences that JJ PT told me.

It's like you need to help your nervous system trust the life you're building, so it stops mistaking your expansion for danger. And I feel like this is beautiful and that really clicked for me. Letting your nervous system, letting your body know, look, I've thought this through. I really want this. I've been working on it.

I've been putting in the work. I have this vision. I think this is going to be meaningful. I really want this. And it's safe for us. Whatever comes, we're going to make sure it's safe. Nothing bad is going to happen and we're actually going to be fine. But I double clicked and I went a little bit deeper into, you know, how do you actually tell your nervous system that you're fine and that you know things are safe when.

It's been just feeling and been conditioned to not feel fine with this at all and, and for this potentially being a little bit of a change. So there's a couple of things here that I wanna share with you because whether or not you are doing something similar than I am doing, you know, you might be thinking about starting a podcast, you might be thinking about.

Launching a course, you might also be thinking about going for a new promotion at work, going for a new position, or pivoting into an entirely new industry. And you may be in a very similar position than me of like, you know, you have the vision, you can see yourself doing it. You also put in the work. You don't shy away from actually working towards and from, you know, doing some of the hard bits from learning, improving, honing your skills.

But every once in a while, or maybe also on a daily basis, self-doubt kicks in and you have these thoughts or you get these bodily reactions, like stress reactions when you're trying to put yourself into these situations when you're trying to put yourself. In this environment that you wanna be in, and maybe you're experiencing the same thoughts that I am, maybe you think to yourself, look, if me going for this promotion or even having like one coffee chat with a senior leader to talk about this position or role puts me into overdrive, has me so stressed out.

How can I possibly go for this? Like if, if my body tells me now this is so unsafe, this feels like not the right thing to do, how can I possibly go for it for these situations? Here are three things that you can do to tell your body it's actually fine. And the first thing is all about awareness and knowing that this is what your nervous system does to you.

It's not because. You know, you shouldn't be doing it. It's just because you're not used to doing it. This is not something that you do on a regular basis. It's putting yourself out there. It's stretching out of your comfort zone, and your nervous system will always try to alarm you. When things like that happen, we'll always be like, do you, are you sure?

Are you sure? This is not what, this is not what we discussed. This is. Entirely new land for us, and I feel like you should come back over here where we can just, you know, sit back and relax and stay in quiet mode and not do the thing right. So let's, you know, stay the hell here, and then you can just go, you know what?

You are right. This is new for us. Now, what would it look like? For us to go there anyway and to take that one step out of our comfort zone and just see how it goes and to take it really slow and to maybe ground ourselves into feeling or letting ourselves feel that this is actually safe for us to do this could look like, you know, taking.

A few breaths before you actually go into a situation like this. Like sit with your, like acknowledge that your nervous system and your body are going to be part of the equation. And so what can you do to spend some time with yourself? This is actually the second one that I wanna land here is like, what are some small physical rituals that you can use to tell your body we're safe?

I know that this is tough. From both, you know, a mindset perspective, but also from a bodily reaction perspective. So what are we gonna do to help ground ourselves? Can we take a few breaths before we start this podcast episode? Can we take a few breaths before we enter this meeting or before we meet the senior stakeholder for coffee to talk about the position that they have on their team?

Just take a few breaths in and out. I know that everybody talks about breath work these days, but to me. What clicks is like the why. It's like, why do you do your breath work? You do it to connect with your body. You do it to not only be in your head because your head knows, I want this promotion, I want this new job.

I wanna launch this course. Yes, but how can you tell your body that this is actually a good idea? And you do that through breath work. You do that through movement, through exercise. Whatever works for you here. Now, this is where I'm actually going to mention about and talk about my coffee

because this is something that I figured out for myself, helps me tell my body this is a, this is an okay situation. We don't need to be scared because normally I'm a huge coffee drinker, but I will always have coffee. As like a reward or like after a big moment happens. So I'll go do the meeting, and then after the meeting, I'm, I'm going to grab coffee, like, almost like as a reward or like whenever I feel like it's safe to drink coffee because I wanna enjoy it.

It, it's just a ritual that makes me feel grounded. Safe, you know, in my body with myself. And so when you see me in meetings with a coffee, it's one of those meetings where I'm like, absolutely fine. And I'm not worried at all. And so I'm just going to have my coffee because I'm fine. So I started to have like a coffee next to me when I record this podcast, and it can be totally annoying for you.

I appreciate that. I don't hope it is. But what it does, taking a few sips of coffee while recording it makes me feel safer. It makes me feel like, I got this. This is not a scary thing for me to do anymore. I can sit here, I can express myself, I can talk to you, and I can also have my coffee. And it means like I'm in a safe environment that tells my body, oh, we're having coffee, so we must be fine.

So whatever this looks like for you and my ordering constantly clunks against. So we will improve the sound experience with the coffee over time, but, whatever this looks like for you or whatever this might look like for you, maybe it's bringing a coffee to a meeting that you're quite a bit nervous about and you'll have a sip of coffee.

maybe it's tea. Whatever it looks like for you, but just kind of thinking about what are some things that you can do to tell your body we're fine? Maybe it's the clothes you wear for me, like when I recorded all these, master classes for Quiet Flex, I, I didn't wear anything un uncomfortable, but I wasn't in my sweats either.

So after recording. I just changed into sweats again. I just changed into something extremely comfortable to just tell my body, look, we did it. We recorded, we, we had the lights, we had the makeup, we had the coats, and now we're going to be in our sweats. We're going to be cutting these videos and we're going to be fine.

So, whatever signals to your body, we're fine. We're good. We got each other. Do that. And then one last point here is, is to really paint a vision of, you know, what does it look like for you to achieve this? What you're looking to achieve, what does arrival look like for you? Because then you might actually be able to ground in that and to tell your body, look, if we achieve this thing, if we get the position.

If we launch the course, if we start the podcast, this is what it's going to look like and it's not going to be unsafe.

It's remembering that the life you're building, what you're going after isn't a threat. It's not this big, scary place, what it actually is. It's becoming more of who you're meant to be, and this is what I've been feeling lately. I've been feeling like the more I stuck with it, like the, the more often I went through these loops and started again and came back and felt the self-doubt, but it didn't keep me from showing up the next day.

I kept improving and I kept seeing little improvements slowly, but, but clearly the course I am about to launch looks 500%, a thousand percent different to what this version looked like one or one or two years ago. It looks completely different to what I had planned at the beginning of the year. The, the videos, the recordings look extremely different.

So I have been moving the needle and I feel like I myself am becoming what I was meant to be, and I am becoming more confident in that, and I am really becoming this. Vision of the entrepreneur that I had pictured, and I am now a lot more eyes wide open with regards to what that means and with regards to what that actually looks like.

It doesn't look like somebody who just is, you know, great on social media, gets a lot of followers, like everything clicks into place and then everything is, is working out super well for them. But entrepreneurship really is. Going through these loops on a daily basis and showing up the next day because it really is putting out fires.

It is reiterating, it's a very, very humbling process of even bringing something out into the world that you feel is going to resonate, is going to help people and is going to live up to the expectation that you have for it. Is going to actually drive results. It's a humbling experience. It, it does not feel the way it looks across socials, and it has taken me a while to understand that.

To ground into that and to now think, well, I still want it. So we're still doing it even if it's not as glamorous and glossy as it looks like. So, I hope that you can take something away from this. I appreciate we've chatted quite a bit and, I had my coffee so. I hope I was not rambling too much. I still appreciate your feedback on how you think these things, you know, landed.

If you want more structure, if you feel like every once in a while you, you, you know, this can feel like a chat between us. Not ai, not artificial intelligence, but this is where I'm currently at and I thought that this was meaningful to share because it just had so many light bulb moments for me in terms of how.

Our nervous system is trying to keep us safe, and all it takes for us is that in our work of tuning into our bodies, not just, you know, doing things with our heads and with our minds. A lot of the mindset work is actually in our work of holding ourselves, grounding ourselves. And knowing what we do, the breathing exercises for, knowing why we have, you know, bring coffee along to podcast report recordings or whatever else we're tackling and facing.

That's what it is. I hope you take something away. If this resonates, please reach out to me at Awfully Quiet podcast. I love to get a DM or a message or a comment that, you know, if this resonated, if you want to hear more about it. If you don't, that's fine too. But, it does feel like I'm talking to you, so you know, you could just reply back and say, look, I love this, or, this could be better.

Let's talk about this next time. Thank you for being here and I'll see you next week.