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Hello and welcome to the Autism Moms podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips, shared strength and expert advice, whether you are celebrating a win.

Surviving a meltdown or just trying to make it through the day. We are right here with you. Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion: Hello and welcome to the podcast. Today we're going to talk about ways you can support your autistic child with day-to-day life.

Natalie Tealdi: What gave us the idea for this episode is I was contacted by a friend that I used to work with a few years ago, and she wanted some advice because her son is now going through the [00:01:00] process of being diagnosed. And she was asking me for tips on. How we handle day-to-day life really, and how we support our son.

And I reeled off a load of stuff and it just got me thinking this would be a good thing to share.

Victoria Bennion: 'cause you've been dealing with this now for a few years,

Natalie Tealdi: I think it's four years probably since we started getting help.

Victoria Bennion: so we pick up tips, that we can certainly share things that work for us that are not obviously gonna work for everybody, but they might give you a starting point some things that you can try.

Natalie Tealdi: Definitely. So one of the big things for us is our son really struggles with transitions particularly when he was younger and he wasn't able to voice his frustrations so well, it all came out inside of behaviors instead of words. One of the things that was suggested to me was visual timetables.

And the use of timers. So when we are moving from one [00:02:00] activity to another, say he's playing with his toys and then we need to go out, we put a timer on and it's like this visual one, it's colored and it counts down so we can show him, in 20 minutes. 'cause you can't really say to a four or 5-year-old.

You've got 20 minutes, that means nothing to them. They dunno what that means. So it is really good to see that visual counting down. And you can when it gets closer, you can say, oh look, we've only got a few minutes left. And we found that really helped reduce an anxiety. When we're trying to move on to something else.

With the visual timetables. They are, it's like a time, it's just like a laminated piece of paper really, that we use. And you can stick lots of pictures on it. So you can say, breakfast, games tv. Then we're gonna go in the car, then they're gonna go to the park, then we're gonna go in the car and go home and you can break down their day.

We don't tend to use that every day now, but we do use it during the holidays because that [00:03:00] is one of the times where our son really struggles. He'd much prefer to go to school all year round, which, I'm not sure as teachers would be very happy about.

Victoria Bennion: No. And we don't have that. My mine is quite glad when it's the holidays. But we also use the timer that you talked about. It's just I think we have the same one, don't we? It's just, it is not expensive off Amazon. I'll see if we can find it and put a link, because I find, so my son, I don't, he doesn't struggle in quite the same way, but.

Sometimes if there's something that he needs to do like shower, it can be helpful to say to him to give him a choice. Like you can either shower now or you can shower. Later you choose and just to make that basic choice so he doesn't feel he has no choice in the matter or something that's hard.

And then if we've agreed the time, I find it really useful to set that time up. I don't know why it works, but [00:04:00] say he says, Nope, I wanna shower at four o'clock or something. So if I set that timer, which goes up to an hour. But if I set that say he's gaming and I put it in front of him and he can see all the time, that time ticking down, , he's going to find that transition much easier.

'cause he knows that's coming up and he knows and he'll go and get in the shower he's slightly older, he's 10. So I dunno if that makes the difference, but we find that a really useful tool for so many things that, little timer counting down.

Natalie Tealdi: I'm only guessing here, but I think it takes away a sort of surprise element to them. If you suddenly announce okay, it's time to go, they're like, whoa, what, where's that come from? 'cause I dunno about you, but my son doesn't always hear what we're saying all the time.

So we can say, oh, we're going out. Later, and it might go completely over his head, but if you put a timer in front of him, it, it concentrates his mind. Which makes it easier for him,

Victoria Bennion: I think that's a good tip.

Natalie Tealdi: So those are the [00:05:00] two things with transitions. Other things that we struggle with can be clothing or layers of clothing.

We've realized this has taken quite a long time to understand that it is actually layers upon layers. I think it's the different materials rubbing together. He does not like that. Like he won't wear pajamas in bed because he doesn't like the feel of pajamas or the duvet on top. So he's will usually only wear one layer.

Doesn't like to wear jumpers. So wintertime can be tricky. 'cause I think also there's a temperature element there as well. I don't think he necessarily realizes when it's cold he has to be reminded to wear a coat and things like that. So we deal with that by looking for really soft fabrics, looking for things that don't have too many seams or labels, that kind of thing.

Victoria Bennion: It's slightly different, but I was talking to a lady from CAMHS recently and she sent me a link to a website where they produce [00:06:00] seamless clothing. I. I dunno if you've tried any of those, but we could add that to the show notes as well. 'cause that might be useful.

My son is more sensitive to the cold. He feels the cold. But in the same way, he does go for the soft materials. He's much more comfortable in. He likes a really soft dressing gown, for example. Or he has things like fleece lined, jogging bottoms for the school that he goes to.

'cause it's on a farm. So he is outside quite a lot, but he needs to be warm. If he's not warm, he'd rather be too warm than cold. 'cause if he's cold, he starts to, not want

Natalie Tealdi: get dysregulated

Victoria Bennion: Get dysregulated if he's cold. Yeah. So it's more about bundling him up. And he really liked soft pajamas.

So the fleecier the better with most things. What I notice is if he's particularly anxious, clothes are the first thing that go. If he's at home, for example, says he's had a day that he's found challenging, he's [00:07:00] dysregulated. He wants to take 'em all off and sit

under a fluffy blanket.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we have that too.

we're just taking everything off. Sitting around in his pants. I did negotiate for boxer many years ago. Yeah. I was like the boxer shorts they have to

Victoria Bennion: stay.

Natalie Tealdi: I know it could be a freezing cold day But whatever they need. Another thing is teeth cleaning. And I think you might struggle with this too.

Some find it really difficult to clean his teeth. He just hates it, hates the whole sensation. We have been through so many different toothpastes. You can get ones that aren't flavored at all. You try different ones that aren't supposed to foam We've settled on, he will now use minty toothpaste like us. But he does have two special toothbrushes.

So one of the ones we've got is, this like a U Shape

our son tends to use that in the morning, with nothing on it. , I give it a rinse under water, but no toothpaste. And he just does it a quick scrub and that's it. [00:08:00] And they're like, okay, that'll do for today, in the evening, he has a three, angled brush, So you basically just have to go over the teeth just once to hit all the sides And that he uses with toothpaste. And we found that brilliant because it just is and it is effective at brushing 'cause it is a proper brush. He usually likes us to brush his teeth for him.

He doesn't like to do it himself. He occasionally will that's something we'll work on. But yeah, those things have helped

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we have real struggles around toothbrushing It's that. I think it's the brush, the bristles, the brush it going in your mouth. I have to allow half an hour, I would say usually. Not that it always takes that long, but it can do to work up to being able to brush the teeth.

And we did use the You Bend toothbrush but in the summer. My son needed a filling on his adult tooth, of which he doesn't have that many, and that in [00:09:00] itself was quite traumatic for him. And the dentist suggested to him that if he could tolerate an electric toothbrush. That would be so much better as he was getting quite worried, at 10 if was quite a deep filling. We do that in the evening. He doesn't brush his teeth in the morning, to be honest. He has it in his head that it's a once a day thing and that's quite hard to work around and also a lot of anxiety in the morning about going into school.

Natalie Tealdi: It's all about picking your

Victoria Bennion: So we brush before bed. But actually as I say, it can take a long time to work up to with those anxieties and everything has to be perfect. He has to. Be in the right position. Everything needs to be as he needs it to do it. And I do it for him. He can't contemplate doing it himself at the moment, so I brush around them.

They are looking so much better though than they were

Natalie Tealdi: It's just [00:10:00] finding ways to support them and working with them, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion: Even if it's gone the day before, it doesn't mean. That it will the next day. He doesn't think okay it, it doesn't seem to be like, oh, that's getting easier.

It's still, it depends on how he's feeling on that day, at that time. If the rest of the day is going well, then it's gonna be easier. If it's been a trickier day, then the toothbrushing is gonna be that thing that is too much.

Natalie Tealdi: Hopefully that helps. Visiting places is another thing. If we're going for a day out. We try to plan as much as we can ahead. So that's researching. If we can, jump cues. If it's like a theme park type thing.

Sometimes you can get past this, So you can, skip cues or go in at a shorter queue. What other things do we plan? Take lots of food with us that we know that he likes because he can be quite picky about what food he eats. [00:11:00] Noise. If it's gonna be a noisy place, take ear defenders or earbuds.

Victoria Bennion: my son, started off wearing them at school, and I do wonder if he got self-conscious about it So he would bring a phone with music and headphones because he didn't want to wear ear defenders. He hasn't used that too much? In recent months, but for a while that was absolutely key.

Music gives another focus as well. And it was something that the autism specialist that he worked with at first School suggested to try music and music of his choice. 'cause actually there was some debate 'cause that at the time was gonna be used to help him access the classroom.

And that's how they, we moved outta that. And the school actually questioned, did it need to be calming music and. The autism specialist said, no, it needs to be whatever he wants it to be. If that's. Heavy metal, whatever he is interested in, whatever's gonna make him feel better. And so we did use that for a while. We tend to take a [00:12:00] kit around with us, with the all different options of headphones and earbuds so that we are prepared, but likely we always need food. He has a limited number of safe foods anyway, so always have those with us. Because if he's gonna get hungry, that's gonna make any anxiety around going out even worse.

And last year when we went on holiday, it was the autism specialist who said. Make sure he's well prepared. So we actually had an itinerary for every day we were there. So no, no room for spontaneity at all.

We booked the trips in advance. We took photographs of the website of what we booked. And we put the timings. He really needs to know the timings. So if the trip is nine till three, and then you're gonna be back at this, there was one day when he woke up in the morning and he just wasn't able to get out of bed. He was like, I can't today. I can't today. And the anxiety was really high. And so I got the book this is what today looks [00:13:00] like. Turned to the right page, saw the picture.

We went through it. This is what we're doing, this is what when we're eating, this is all that. And then he went, okay, I can eat my breakfast now. And then he was able to move forward. So I think is, you shouldn't underestimate

how useful those tools are, even though they take time.

Natalie Tealdi: They seem so simple, don't they? Just A few pictures. But I really do think they make such a big difference when they can see it all mapped out like that. It, I dunno. It helps calm

Victoria Bennion: Definitely.

Natalie Tealdi: The other thing is sunflower lanyards so either your child wears some or you do just to, you're visiting places.

'cause it is something they look for. And they can give

you assistance

if you need it.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we found that really helpful Again, when we were traveling

at the airports.

Both ends actually, it got recognized and we didn't have to queue so long 'cause it's a very challenging environment in an airport for a lot of children. We were taken to a quieter space and moved through quicker,

I Keep it in

the [00:14:00] kit that I mentioned.

Keep it in the bag,

We both have a bag, for our children with fidget toys and snacks and the lanyards

If my son, if he's feeling really anxious, he almost wants to disappear. So if things are really bad, we have one of those in there. We also keep, those Covid masks. He's got very sensitive smell and. We've arrived at our restaurant before pizza.

Victoria Bennion: Hut. It was someone's birthday, so he'd managed that and then they were gonna have pizzas, which to my son is just appalling. He hates. pieces, but he really wanted to go. As we walked through the doors, I remember him like recoiling going, oh, it smells so bad.

I can't go in. I can't go in. So in the bag, we have a balaclava, just with eye holes, but it , covered the nose. I also keep in things that smell so that he can sniff something different. So I've got an orange oil also a tiger balm in there. So they're [00:15:00] different things

that he can use to

mask other

smells. So they're very key in our bag. But I think again, it was, we only, the Early Birds course that's run by the autistic society, that was one of the things the trainer recommended, just having a bag ready to go. And I find that he also has this sense of security and having his red bag with

him. , and I know that most. Things that we could need

are gonna be in that bag.

Along with rescue

Remedy,

The gummies, he finds them helpful in in stressful situations or if he's getting

overwhelmed,

Natalie Tealdi: We have the

Stretchy bands

because our son really likes that feedback he likes to hit and these can be quite good. If he's just sitting in a car or something getting frustrated,

Victoria Bennion: Hope these tips have been useful. We will add links to the show notes to some of the items in case they're useful

Thanks for joining us today on the Autism Mums Podcast. We hope you have [00:16:00] found a little support, a little solidarity, and a reminder that you are not in this alone. If you enjoyed the episode, we'd love it if you'd follow the show and share it with another parent or carer who might need to hear it. And if you've got a story or a moment you'd like to share, we'd love to hear from you at www.theautismmums.com

until next time. Take care.