Before we begin today, I need to let you know that this episode discusses suicidal ideation and mental health struggles.

If you're not in the right headspace for this conversation today, that's completely okay.

Come back when you're ready.

Your well being matters more than any episode.

Hello and welcome to the Choosing Happy Podcast.

I'm Pazza Masters.

Have you ever felt so completely stuck that giving up seemed like the only sensible option left when your own mind became your worst enemy, telling you that nobody would even notice if you just disappeared?

I'm not talking about having a bad day or feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I'm talking about those moments when the darkness feels so complete that you can't see.

Anyway, forward.

Today's Friday Fail.

Forward isn't easy, but it might just be the lifeline someone needs to hear.

Because your story isn't over yet, beautiful soul.

Not even close.

We're going deep in today's Choosing Happy Podcast.

Right, Deep breaths, everyone.

This one's personal and it's not pretty, but it's real.

There I was, months into what felt like the longest, darkest winter of my life.

Remote village, endless grey skies, and a mind that had turned proper vicious.

The thoughts were relentless.

I can't do this anymore.

No one would miss me anyway.

I could collapse right here and nobody would notice.

Except the dogs.

People have died in villages like this and not been found for weeks.

Maybe that would be a blessing.

Maybe I'm just taking up space.

Lovely stuff, right?

But that's where my head was, living for weeks on end.

If it wasn't for my dogs needing me.

I honestly don't know if I'd it through.

If I hadn't had to get up and go for walks, I'm not sure what would have happened.

Then my dog broke his leg.

Potentially needed amputation.

Suddenly I'm sleeping on a mattress on my living room floor for seven weeks straight because I won't let this energetic, bouncy boy out of my sight every time he moves.

My heart was in my throat.

I was living in constant pain, panic, terrified he'd damage it further.

I was still trying to show up for the podcast, still had clients depending on me.

But something had properly broken inside me when he broke his leg.

My spark, my connection to life, all buried under this crushing weight of fear and despair.

I felt completely disconnected from everything that usually kept me going.

But here's the thing, and this is crucial.

Even in my darkest moments, I had this tiny process.

Sometimes it looks like I'm doing absolutely nothing, just lying there, being lazy.

But really?

I'm setting my unconscious mind to work, finding the way through.

And I had my non negotiables, my morning routine, the choosing happy practice, journaling, envisioning, and crucially, my personal anthems.

These weren't just feel good additions to my day, they became my survival toolkit.

Here's an important note.

If you're in a dark place right now, please know you're not alone.

It's absolutely okay to reach out for professional support, your gp, mental health organization, the Mental health Coach Helplines.

Taking that step isn't weakness.

It's the bravest thing you can do, right?

Here's what kept me Heathered to this world when everything else felt impossible.

Personal anthems.

Now I know some of you are thinking music saved your life.

Really, Heather.

So let me tell you why this actually works.

And more importantly, how it can work for you too.

Last year I had one song on repeat so much that my son noticed it had hit number one on his music account.

We shared the same one back then.

That song literally became my survival track.

I've got morning anthems that anchor me for the day, reset anthems that snap me back into focus after I've been working for hours, and breakthrough anthems for when I need to climb out of whatever hole I've fallen into.

And we all have those days.

Music is powerful enough on its own, but add movement and that's a game changer.

Back to me and my injured dog.

My anthem's got me through my morning one to start the day and my special state changing anthem that helped me show up and record these episodes even when I felt like I had nothing left to give.

I remember one morning I could barely drag myself off the mattress on the floor.

I put on Don't Stop Me now by Queen, my go to breakthrough song, and just started swaying at first, then properly dancing like nobody was watching because nobody was.

Three minutes later, I felt human again.

Not fixed, not cured, but human enough to keep going.

That song reminded me of my own strength, of everything I'd already survived, everything I'd already lived through.

It energised me when I had no energy left.

And here's why this actually works.

Research shows that music can reduce cortisol throughout your stress hormone by up to 61% and increase dopamine, your happiness chemical, by 9%.

Your brain literally changes its chemistry when you combine music with movement.

Remember Ali McBeal and her personal theme songs?

The whole law firm had personal theme songs.

It was proper science behind that madness.

So try this with me right now, and only if it's safe to do so.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and think of that one song that always shifts something in you.

Maybe it makes you want to dance.

Maybe it makes you feel invincible.

Think of it.

Hear it playing.

Can you feel it?

Can you feel that subtle shift happening just from imagining it?

That's the power we're working with here.

Come back to the room.

Here are three ways to use personal anthems when you're failing forward instead of just failing.

First is your emergency anthem.

Pick one song that makes you feel unstoppable.

This is your musical 999 or 111 call for the absolute darkest moments.

Mine changes, but right now it's Love My Life by Robbie Williams.

Because even when loving my life feels impossible, that song reminds me.

I get to choose.

I get to remember how powerful I am.

Second, build your daily soundtrack.

Morning anthem to launch your day.

Focus.

Anthem for work Reset.

Anthem for when everything goes sideways.

Create a real arsenal for different emotional states.

Something that really gets you and moves you.

And that leads me to the third movement.

Changes everything.

Don't just listen.

Move your body.

Dance badly.

Wave your arms about.

I don't care how daft you look.

Movement with music creates a neurological reset that can literally change your brain chemistry in minutes.

Even if you can only manage a gentle sway, that counts.

Even if it's wriggling your toes or tapping your feet or even tapping your fingers, that counts.

The beautiful thing about anthems is you can always choose a new one for wherever you are right now.

Feeling stuck.

There's an anthem for that.

Feeling angry.

There's an anthem for that, too.

Your soundtrack gets to evolve with you.

My dog still has four legs, by the way.

My vigilance worked.

I'm still here, still showing up for these chats with you.

And a massive part of that is down to the power of personal anthems.

When everything else felt impossible or feels impossible, those thoughts that told me nobody would notice if I disappeared, well, here I am, noticing you through this strange little audio connection we have, and you're here listening, which means we're both still in this together.

Right?

Here's your tiny but potentially life changing experiment.

Think of one song, just the one that makes you feel unstoppable.

Maybe it's from your teenage years when you felt invincible.

Maybe it's something you discovered last week.

That's your emergency anthem.

The next time you feel stuck, defeated, just in despair, or ready to throw in the towel completely play that song and move your body for just three minutes.

That's it.

Three minutes of music and movement.

Even if it's tapping your feet, swaying in your chair, or tapping your fingers, it all counts.

I'd love to hear your anthem and how it helps you share it in the Choosing Happy community.

Or tag me on social media at Choosing Happy podcast.

Let's create a real fab playlist of survival songs together.

Imagine the power in that collective soundtrack.

And if you're in that dark place right now, if those thoughts are loud and mean, please hear this.

You're not a burden.

You're not taking up space.

You belong here, and it's a gift that you exist.

Your story isn't over yet.

Sometimes the gap between giving up and breakthrough is just one song, one moment of movement, one tiny shift in energy.

Sometimes it's choosing to listen to this podcast when you could have chosen something darker.

Let's keep failing.

Forward together.

One heartbeat, one anthem at a time.

Until Monday, keep Choosing Happy, you magnificent, resilient selves.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.

If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.

And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.

It really helps the podcast.

All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy podcast.

Sam.