You're listening to the Queer Money podcast, and this is the very first episode in which we're covering your questions.

This question comes to us from Mark, who's a member of the Queer Money Facebook group.

Mark said, this sense of overwhelm comes over me whenever I think about money, and then I ignore what I know I should do.

How do I overcome financial anxiety?

Today we're talking about financial anxiety and the five steps to overcome it.

I think this is a great question and maybe a timely time of year to talk about this, because we all set these lofty goals to become this new year kind of person, and one of those goals often relates to money.

But then I would imagine that a lot of people sort of kind of go into this anxious mode.

The fear and anxiety comes over them, and then they feel stuck, and they can't figure out how do they get beyond that stuck phase and actually achieve the goal they set out year after year.

So I think this is timely, but I think it's important, too, to start off by differentiating what we're talking about.

We're not talking about money problems.

We're talking about financial or money anxiety.

A money problem is that you do struggle with income insecurity or that you do have excessive amounts of debt, maybe medical debt, that you have lost a job.

That's an actual money problem.

We're not talking about that.

We're talking about money anxiety.

And very often the anxiety doesn't necessarily tie to our reality, though sometimes it does, or it relates to our past, but it doesn't necessarily tie into your current reality.

The Journal of Neuroscience, Psychology and Economics defined financial anxiety as an uneasy and unhealthy attitude toward engaging with and administering personal finance in an effective way.

And this makes me think of a recent movie I watched about John Paul Getty, when I believe it was his attorney who was getting mad at him because Getty couldn't stop acquiring things and trying to increase his bank account.

And his accountant or his attorney eventually said to him, john, when is it going to be enough?

And this look of fear came over Getty, and his response was, it's never going to be enough.

Now, this is a man that had billions and billions of dollars, and he always felt this.

There was sort of this sense of financial anxiety with him that he would never have enough money.

He would lack some sort of safety.

But clearly most of us can understand that if you have billions of dollars, probably have more security than most people.

That kind of, I think, ties into what we're talking about today.

So we're talking about your relationship with money and how money triggers you.

And that's not a money problem.

It's more around your emotions, around money.

Right.

I think that probably one of the easier ways to understand this is actually to look at some examples of how we can be triggered or that we can think a certain way that isn't really in line with our reality or in line with what is the best path to take when it comes to our finances or when it comes to our personal finances.

So an example here might be the way that someone thinks or believes based on their past.

So maybe you had a parent or maybe multiple.

You know, both your parents spent frivolously when it came to things that were not necessarily that important.

But then it was hard to pay for things that were important.

Things like food, clothing and shelter that maybe your family was spending money on dining out, or maybe they were spending money on clothes frivolously or on vacations or other things that were not as important.

But then when it came to having the things that were essential, it was difficult.

And that creates in you this mindset of we're never going to have enough money to take care of ourselves.

When it comes to the important things, you end up having this false sense of never being able to really take care of yourself because of the way that you learned money habits or the way that your parents spent growing up.

This is a very, very common thing.

Many of us get our money mindsets from our parents or from the way that we were raised.

I know for John and I, we both have talked about this, that some of our money mindset been tied up in our self worth.

Back when we were both growing up, we lived in a time and places where our families, society, our churches, they told us that we were not good enough, that we weren't valuable because of who we were.

Or maybe they said things that made us think that about ourselves.

And in turn that made both John and I want to cover up those feelings.

And one of the easiest ways for us to do that was to spend money and spend money that we didn't have.

And that's how we acquired so much of our debt.

For me personally, I have a scarcity mindset when it comes to money.

And this one is very difficult for me because this started very early on in my life.

When I was about six years old, my father changed jobs because our family had become quite religious and he was working for a company that built nuclear bombs and he was making really, really good money.

But when he quit that job and Got a different job.

He took a 50% cut in pay, but our expenses didn't immediately drop by 50%.

So all of a sudden, we kept on hearing over and over again from our parents that we didn't have enough money for this or for that.

My sister and I at school went on food assistance for school lunches.

That was the state that our family was in.

And it was at that early age that I learned that there just wasn't enough money and there was never going to be enough money for things.

And I have latched onto that, and I am trying very hard to break that scarcity mindset.

And it's those kinds of things that can trigger us into our false sense of uneasiness or unhealthy attitude towards our money.

That's where many of us get this anxiety.

So what is it that you think?

We asked in the Queer Money Facebook group?

We had a poll, as we have been doing lately, and the question was, have you ever even temporarily ignored any part of your finances because you were anxious about what you find?

And this one shocked US because nearly 70% of respondents, 20 out of 29, said they often feel like they get deer in the headlights with their money.

So people are finding themselves in a state of paralysis when it comes to their financial situation or doing the things they know they should be doing or following the steps that they're being told to follow.

So that's 70% of us.

And then 24%, 7 out of 29, claim that they slip up once in a while, which I think I would have thought that would have been the majority of people, quite honestly, but I was surprised that came in second.

And then we have 7% who are unicorns and say that they stay on track consistently.

So we're gonna have to have a special Queer Money episode with those people specifically.

Exactly.

But I think one of the interesting things that this points out is that although I don't think this is necessarily just the queer community, but these numbers are specific to queer individuals who are part of the Queer money Facebook group.

93% said that either from time to time or on a regular basis, they have a difficult time making the right kinds of decisions that help them improve themselves financially.

Which makes you understand part of the reason why so many in our community seem to be struggling with money.

It's interesting also the comments that came with this poll.

Alison said that when she was in her 20s and 30s, she had a cash in, cash out mentality worth her money, that she thought that that would be a good plan.

And I think from time to time, that actually is a good plan for certain individuals, but not regularly.

She continues, unfortunately, I didn't factor in enough savings because that's not fun.

Right?

I think many of us have felt that way.

But she did say, by the time I got to my early 40s, I finally pulled my head out of the sand and worked really hard to turn around and make up for lost ground.

I'm so glad that I did.

And I think that's the case with so many of us.

Joe kind of echoes these sentiments where he said that he doesn't necessarily feel this deer in the headlights anymore, but definitely through his late 20s and early 30s.

So many of us kind of have maybe some difficult times understanding how to use our money or manage our money properly when we're in our 20s and 30s.

And that's part of the reason why John and I are doing this, is try to help individuals who are in those early ages to get on track financially.

It's interesting, though, we got another comment here from Rio, and they said that definitely they felt this way in the past, but they are noticing that they are currently procrastinating around organizing for Tax season.

Right.

They say because partly because they are nervous about taxable events that have happened this year with multiple jobs in multiple states.

So we can see that this isn't just around our personal finances.

Sometimes it's around our business finances, that we can have a difficult time with these kinds of decisions.

So we don't want to just give a bunch of anecdotes or numbers here you come to these podcasts so you can learn something.

Right?

So we want to provide you with five steps to help you overcome financial anxiety.

Five steps that we're encouraging Mark to take because he asked this question.

So the first step we want to encourage you to do, and this is something that I have been trying to do regularly, when you start to feel anxious, you start to have these negative feelings about your finances.

Stop and express some gratitude for what you have.

The important thing here is that when we feel anxious and we start to get nervous, oftentimes we can go down a very negative path.

We start to get upset, or we start to feel sorry for ourselves, or we start to get jealous about what others have.

And all of that can lead us to a very dark place.

That's where this can start to have an effect on our mental health.

But if we stop and express gratitude, thank ourselves, thank the universe, thank God, whoever it is that you want to show that appreciation for, express that gratitude, it helps you understand what you do have and be thankful for that.

It gives energy out to the universe and basically says, I like this, I want more of it.

And that is a way of you opening up to receive more.

Our second recommendation is something that I've talked about a lot and love is, and that's journaling.

Journaling for me is a lot more than just documenting what I.

What I did that day or the day before, or what I hope to achieve in the future.

But.

But what it allows me to do is really think through what it is I'm going through or dealing with at the time.

And it's not always negative.

Maybe I'm trying to be strategic or solve a problem or find a solution for something that's not necessarily causing anxiety.

But I think particular to this topic, there's two great exercises that I think we can follow.

One, I think if there's a particular trend that you see a point that's causing you a lot of anxiety, say it's that you're always fearing that you're never going to have enough money, even though there's no indication whatsoever that that's going to be the case for you.

Because remember, we're talking about financial anxiety, not actual financial problems.

If there's something that keeps popping up for you, maybe it would help to sit down and write out what are your thoughts all around and in and around that particular topic?

What's inspiring that to come up in your life?

When does that pop up?

How do you feel about it?

How truthful is it?

Just really.

Right.

And if I would argue, if you write two or three pages about that particular point, you might start to be able to come to a solution to realize that's actually not based in reality.

Another exercise that I think would be helpful is to draw a line down the center of a page in your journal and on one side list all of the anxiety points that you have about money, whether that fear of not being able to put food on the table, fear of losing your job, fear of not being able to pay your taxes, whatever those fears are.

And again, there's not necessarily any indication that those will be problems.

Right?

That list down, and then on the right hand side of the column, start to write down what the truth is.

And then if you have to write down the truth of the matter several times until you start to feel that you're able to suffocate the anxiety points that keep creeping up in your life.

Those are just two exercises I think you can do with a journal.

Our third point here is One that I think is very important.

When you get that deer in the headlights, when you get that feeling of, I don't know what to do, take some sort of action.

However small it is, take some sort of action when it comes to your money.

The reason I say this is I think many of us, I would say every single person has been in a situation where at first they felt very anxious, very nervous, very uncomfortable.

But over a period of time, whether a few minutes or an hour, things changed and you became more comfortable.

Maybe that was speaking up or being in a room full of people you didn't know.

Eventually you get to a point where you get comfortable.

You know, I think about this idea of when we watch the Summer Olympics and these young women who are up on the balance beam and they are doing all of these cartwheels and back flips and jumps and moves, and they make it look so graceful.

Right, but is that where they started?

Did they start on a balance beam that was four or five feet in the air?

Absolutely not.

Many of them, when they are little girls, they start these exercises when they are on the floor.

Sometimes the balance beam is on the floor and they are doing these exercises or trying out, just maintaining some sort of balance.

They take these small steps and they do that so that they gain some confidence.

And soon they gain enough confidence that they can start to do some of these moves even while the balance beam is on the floor.

And then eventually it's raised up a foot and then 2ft and then 4ft, and soon they're doing all of these things that we think are so graceful.

They make it look very easy.

But at one point in time, they had as much anxiety and nervousness about doing them as many of us have about doing something with our money.

So take some sort of small action.

And that's a great segue into start using tools and systems to reduce your financial anxiety.

This is continuing on with the third recommendation.

Those gymnasts are using coaches and systems to be able to get to the point where they can do those moves on that balance beam.

So do that with your financial life.

And then as Mark's experiencing with the Budget Buster bundle, set up systems.

We talk a lot about automating our finances.

So if one of the things that causes you a lot of anxiety in your life is having to pay your bills from month to month, well, great news is you don't actually have to to do that physically month after month.

And you can take yourself away from that anxiety point.

You can set up bill pay and automate your finances so that all of your bills are paid systematically for you.

And all you then have to do is sort of do a cursory overview of your finances from month to month to make sure every bill got paid on time and in full.

But you don't have to be fully engaged in writing checks or sending the checks physically yourself.

Our fourth point here is similar to point number three, but that's to take more action.

More action specifically around your point of anxiety.

I know that for many individuals they often worry about where to start, what should they do?

They don't understand anything about why they're in the current financial condition that they're in.

So start taking some steps around that specific point.

If you're worried about not having enough money and you just don't understand why your finances are the way they are, go back to last week's episode.

Listen to that episode around the spending analysis.

That is an amazing place to start to really understand what is going on with your money.

So many of us don't do this and just by doing a spending analysis we start to realize what is going on with our money and we can start to make changes pretty quickly to help improve things.

And number five, Find a support system.

There is likely someone in your life that you can reach out to to act as an accountability partner for you.

Whether they're in your work or family or friends group.

Let them know that you've got this anxiety that you're trying to overcome and you would just like to have an ear that you can rely on every couple of weeks or once a month and have someone check in on you to make sure you're doing okay.

Likewise, if you want to start a support group yourself, I mean there if you're having this problem, no doubt there are several people that are within your circle of influence who are having similar problems and maybe meeting for coffee once a month with three or four other people who are dealing with similar issues might be a great way for you to start overcoming your anxiety.

And then Queer Money Facebook Group if you're not already a member or you're not using the group in this way, start to utilize it as a support system.

There have been people who have shared confessions or mistakes they made financially and they just want wanted to get it off their chest.

The group got together and acts as a great support system for that person.

Or if you're having a particular problem or challenge or you want to test out a new fintech app, that group has been a great resource to throw questions and ideas out to and get some valuable responses.

And if you're looking for one particular individual to act as an accountability partner and you can't find one in your work, friend or family group, solicit them in the queermoney Facebook group.

Just put a post and say, hey, I'm looking for someone to help me with my financial anxiety.

I'd love to hop on a call two or three times a month or whatever works for you and that person.

And I would guarantee you that someone would step up because they would want the same kind of support.

So those are our five suggestions for overcoming financial anxiety.

Let us know which ones work best for you.

Thank you for listening to another episode of Queer Money.

Here's your Queer Money takeaway from this episode.

Pick one of the five tips that we provided to overcome financial anxiety.

Master it, then take on another tip.

Our five tips 1.

When you feel anxious, stop and express gratitude.

2.

Journal 3.

Take action with your money, no matter how small.

4.

Make an action plan for specific anxiety points and 5.

Find a support system.