1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,440
Hello listeners, it's March 20th, 2024, and you're tuned in to Social Skills Coaching

2
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,720
where you become more likeable, more charismatic, and more productive.

3
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:24,120
In this episode, we're diving into the world of improv comedy and how it can improve your

4
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:25,840
conversations.

5
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:31,560
As a book, aptly titled, Improve Your Conversations by Patrick King, highlights a rule that can

6
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:36,200
completely transform how you engage with others.

7
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,360
Always say, yes, and.

8
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,960
So let's get right into it.

9
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,920
We're going to tackle some common conversation roadblocks and show you how to overcome them.

10
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,600
Rule of improv comedy.

11
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:05,040
In response to someone else's suggestion, thought, or topic, always say yes and, which

12
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:10,600
means that you drop your train of thought, adopt theirs, and add something to keep the

13
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,360
conversation flowing.

14
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:18,400
This is likely the one improv comedy method you may have heard of, and there's good reason

15
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,720
because it's so effective.

16
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:25,320
It's one of the first rules taught to beginners and was taught to me on the first day of my

17
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,680
workshop.

18
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,840
Here's how this works in an improv comedy performance.

19
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,160
Wait, look to your left.

20
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,320
What is that?

21
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,320
Is that?

22
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,800
Is that a Godzilla monster?

23
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:41,520
Oh my gosh, you're right, and it seems to have titanium armor and a laser mounted to

24
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,600
its head.

25
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,800
The first person asserted something, and the second person followed their lead, agreed,

26
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,340
and even added an element for good measure.

27
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:57,340
This rule is about how to keep an open mind and seize the power of possibility in your

28
00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:59,480
conversations.

29
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,840
There are a few specific elements to this rule.

30
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:07,700
The first element is that you are, some might say blindly, dropping whatever thought you

31
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,860
had or story you wanted to tell.

32
00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:13,380
Don't get too comfortable with any grand plans.

33
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:16,380
Remember, the conversation has to flow.

34
00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,980
It's as though you've been thrown a ball.

35
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:23,260
Put down whatever you're holding so you can catch that ball and run with it.

36
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:26,160
This is the most difficult part for most people.

37
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:31,980
We enjoy sharing our thoughts with others, and sometimes we just want to talk about ourselves.

38
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:37,300
That compulsion usually lacks balance, and people that aren't consciously aware of this

39
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:42,540
rule typically lack the self-awareness to realize that others aren't enjoying hearing

40
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:46,060
about every detail of their lives.

41
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:51,380
This first part takes discipline and practice, because even if we're not conversationally

42
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:56,820
well-centered, sometimes we just want to finish or articulate our thoughts.

43
00:02:56,820 --> 00:03:01,900
We can, but we should realize that it might be detrimental to the flow of the conversation,

44
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:05,300
which is the overarching goal.

45
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:09,260
The second element is to agree with the other person's assertion.

46
00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:11,820
You take it as true and accept it.

47
00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,740
You don't deny or argue with it.

48
00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:17,460
It's now a fact that you are operating from.

49
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,780
You don't have to outright agree with it.

50
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:24,380
Your goal is to let the other person know that you have accepted it as the new topic.

51
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:31,060
Remember, there are no arguments or debates in improv comedy, only collaboration and teamwork.

52
00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:36,380
Therefore, you are collaborating with your teammate on this new topic.

53
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:41,140
But the great thing is that the moment you accept this new turn in the play, you're

54
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:45,900
back in the game again, and you can add your own piece once more.

55
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:50,820
It can be a wonderful thing to relinquish control and your position in the center of

56
00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:58,660
the storytelling and yet somehow feeling more intimately bound up in the flow of the story.

57
00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:03,060
The third element is the part that truly signals to people that you are fully on board with

58
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:04,060
them.

59
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:09,060
You agree with them and then add another comment to build upon what they said.

60
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:14,260
It shows that you've found something interesting and noteworthy about the topic as well, which

61
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:20,020
further encourages them to speak about it.

62
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,580
Going with the flow.

63
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,260
There are many overall effects to the rule.

64
00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:29,340
The first is that you are the opposite of a filter.

65
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:34,620
Nothing is taboo, inappropriate, or too unimportant for you to speak about.

66
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:40,100
You're happy to discuss anything and you can add something to any topic.

67
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:46,780
Where others might balk and shy away, you'll be the first to say yes and engage further.

68
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:51,980
People who feel like they can open up to you and be vulnerable with you, which is no small

69
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,620
feat.

70
00:04:53,620 --> 00:04:57,860
Conversations will feel fresh, genuine, and even creative.

71
00:04:57,860 --> 00:05:04,020
Second, it keeps an immaculate conversational flow because you are seamlessly entering

72
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:09,180
a new and foreign topic, despite what was discussed just prior.

73
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:13,740
This rule keeps things smooth, whereas people who fight to jump back to the prior topic

74
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:19,220
of discussion can seem selfish, stilted, or just plain awkward.

75
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:23,780
And of course, adopting the mindset of this rule means that you are collaborating with

76
00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:25,740
the person you're speaking to.

77
00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:30,740
No matter what they bring to the table, you'll work with them to make a good discussion from

78
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:31,740
it.

79
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:38,180
At its root, this is a chapter about recognizing where people may want to go in a conversation

80
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:42,740
and meeting them there instead of steering it back toward a topic that you want to focus

81
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:44,300
on.

82
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:49,100
We let go of the idea of the conversation we want to have and embrace the one that is

83
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:52,460
actually happening right in front of us.

84
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:57,420
Suppose someone says to you, health insurance is so expensive these days.

85
00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:00,060
You can handle this assertion in many ways.

86
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,980
You can simply refuse it.

87
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:06,540
No, I get it super cheap, I don't know what you're talking about.

88
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,780
How do you even feel to read that?

89
00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:14,740
It's a statement that obliterates conversational flow and can sound borderline confrontational.

90
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:19,300
At the very least, it's argumentative because you've completely contradicted someone else's

91
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:23,380
experience, putting them on the defensive.

92
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:25,180
You can agree with it?

93
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,140
Yeah, it sucks.

94
00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:30,420
Well, where does the conversation go from here?

95
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:35,420
An acknowledgement by itself is conversational dead space because you've bounced the ball

96
00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:38,820
back to the other person with nothing behind it.

97
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,820
Finally, you can use yes and.

98
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,460
Yeah, it sucks.

99
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:48,700
Seems like it's been going up forever, right?

100
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:53,140
Note that you don't need an explicit fact about health insurance, just an additional

101
00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:55,780
comment on the general topic.

102
00:06:55,780 --> 00:07:00,020
This means you don't actually need to know much about the topics presented.

103
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:03,940
You just have to be able to give a general statement, which is far easier.

104
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:08,980
This version of the response is by far the superior one because it actually spurs on

105
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:14,940
the conversation and doesn't stop it dead in its tracks like the others do.

106
00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:20,660
Notice that this response isn't necessarily clever or witty or capable of completely blowing

107
00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:25,940
the mind of the other person, but it keeps things going.

108
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:26,940
Another example.

109
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:30,940
I love pepperoni pizza so much.

110
00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:33,540
Here's the disagreeing reply.

111
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:37,460
Pepperoni tastes like the cardboard box that the pizza is served in.

112
00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:40,460
That's not going to do much for rapport.

113
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,780
Here's the agreeing only reply.

114
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,340
Yeah, totally.

115
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,820
It's the best.

116
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:49,100
Again, a simple acknowledgement is just a nod of the head.

117
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,940
It doesn't add anything and doesn't give people anything to comment further on.

118
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:57,660
In fact, it's one of the leading causes for awkward silences.

119
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:59,860
Here's the yes and reply.

120
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,100
Yeah, it's pretty great.

121
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:06,420
I love mushrooms too, but never sardines.

122
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:10,180
See how the sentiment is agreed with and expanded upon?

123
00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:15,980
The expansion wasn't directly about pepperonis, but added to the conversation nonetheless.

124
00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:20,200
This shows your conversation partner that you're on the same page as them by taking

125
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:25,540
them deeper into the topic, no matter how shallow that they brought up.

126
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:29,660
You display a willingness to engage on anything.

127
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:34,460
Instead of walling off a conversation, highlight your emotional engagement in the other person

128
00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:37,980
by adding to it.

129
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:40,980
It's not about agreement or disagreement.

130
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:43,780
It's about flow.

131
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:47,740
It's just as important to realize how not to respond here.

132
00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:52,660
If you respond in the first two ways as shown in the examples, you'll repel people far

133
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:54,740
more than you realize.

134
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:58,900
You want to send a signal to others that their words are important to you.

135
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:03,740
Remember that the overall goal is to create a pleasurable experience and nothing can be

136
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:07,780
more pleasurable than feeling valued and validated.

137
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:12,380
This makes them seek out your company even more.

138
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:15,420
One more example for good measure.

139
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,540
These shoes are pretty old.

140
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:18,500
I want new ones.

141
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,420
The argumentative answer.

142
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,260
You don't need them.

143
00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:23,860
The agreeing only answer.

144
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:26,020
Yeah, I guess.

145
00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:28,300
The yes and answer.

146
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,100
Yeah, I guess.

147
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,500
Seems like you've had them for a decade.

148
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:37,100
Now, let's try something slightly different.

149
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:43,340
I just read that the sky is blue because the sky is the eyeball of a giant bird.

150
00:09:43,340 --> 00:09:45,980
This is obviously something that's difficult to agree with.

151
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:50,420
You can't really respond positively here without lying through your teeth.

152
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:55,380
In instances where you find it difficult to agree with the sentiment of people's words,

153
00:09:55,380 --> 00:10:00,500
substitute yes and with yes, really?

154
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:05,260
You may not necessarily agree, but the beauty of the phrasing is that you're not opposing

155
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:12,100
the other person explicitly, which keeps their guard down and keeps confrontation from rising.

156
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:17,020
It essentially creates an agreeable context for discussion and mutual understanding.

157
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:21,960
The really statement also isn't an explicit refusal.

158
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:26,740
How might you answer the assertion from earlier about the sky and the giant eyeball?

159
00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:29,060
Oh, interesting.

160
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,660
That sounds like something I may have heard before.

161
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,140
Where did you hear about that?

162
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:38,620
You've not accepted their assertion, but you haven't denied it in a way that will raise

163
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,260
their defenses.

164
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:45,580
All you've done is raise innocent curiosity and interest in the topic, which is sometimes

165
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:48,900
as good as it gets for wild assertions.

166
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:54,220
Where yes and allows you to respond in instances where you can agree and discuss freely.

167
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:59,940
Yes, really, is for situations where you want to disagree mightily.

168
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:03,980
It's more effective because it softens the negative impact and also attempts to find

169
00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:07,580
common ground in the understanding.

170
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:12,540
Here we see that often in conversation, it's not really about the content, but about the

171
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:19,100
emotion, the intention behind the words, the vibe, the flow.

172
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:23,740
You can approach what your conversation partner says in a closed off hostile way, or you can

173
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:29,820
be open and receptive to it, but that's not the same as disagreeing or agreeing.

174
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:34,500
You can hold any opinion at all about another player's next step while still valuing an

175
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,540
ongoing dynamic with them.

176
00:11:37,540 --> 00:11:43,660
Let's contrast both of those versions of this improv comedy rule with yes, but a more

177
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,180
negative spin.

178
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:47,780
You immediately come off as combative.

179
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:52,300
You come off as arguing or trying to correct the other person.

180
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,180
This turns the conversation into a power struggle.

181
00:11:55,180 --> 00:12:02,220
Instead of an ally, you come off as an adversary obviously trying to take control of the agenda.

182
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:06,220
Recall that improv is about accomplishing a shared goal.

183
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:12,420
This requires flow, working together, and accepting what other people bring to the table

184
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:14,940
regardless of what it is.

185
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:20,460
That's the essence of yes and, and the opposite of yes but.

186
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:25,620
There are no right or wrong answers, only answers that lead to flow and those that do not.

187
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:32,420
A great conversation has a million different directions and you must be open to all of them.

188
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:37,740
Does this sound like a lot of work with a burden falling solely on you most of the time?

189
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:42,460
The unfortunate truth is most people won't help you out here, so it's up to you to create

190
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:47,780
the kind of connections and interactions you want.

191
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:51,420
Going to the root of no but.

192
00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:56,700
What stops people from just being open-ended and receptive in conversations?

193
00:12:56,700 --> 00:13:02,700
What makes them say no but instead of yes and?

194
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,060
To get into the psychology of conversation for a moment.

195
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:10,820
What are the eternal scripts we all tell ourselves that get in the way of just being there with

196
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:14,260
our conversation partner, going with the flow?

197
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:19,740
If you can get to the root of these assumptions, beliefs, and values, you can stay vigilant

198
00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:23,300
for when they crop up and threaten to derail things.

199
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:30,180
You can start to gently shift your perspective and, in time, become a better conversationalist.

200
00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:35,860
A common script goes like this, I don't know anything about this topic, so I'd better steer

201
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:39,180
things toward familiar territory.

202
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:44,580
You might not like following a new thread or turn in a conversation because, unconsciously,

203
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:48,660
we're worried that it will take us out of our comfort zone and into a place where we're

204
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:52,260
less sure of our ability to talk with authority.

205
00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:56,700
But you can see how this may hurt a budding conversation.

206
00:13:56,700 --> 00:14:02,300
If you notice this tendency in yourself, try to remember that conversation is not about

207
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,300
knowledge.

208
00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:09,500
You're not doing an interview or oral exam, and you don't get points for appearing wise

209
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,500
and all-knowing.

210
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:17,460
Being good to talk to is more about willingness to listen, empathy, and playfulness.

211
00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:22,260
In fact, the fewer knowns there are in the interaction, the better.

212
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:25,660
If you're worried the other person is going to talk about a topic you can't contribute

213
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:32,460
to, relax, give them the floor for a moment, ask questions, give them the opportunity to

214
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:33,820
teach you.

215
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:38,500
I guarantee that in a while you'll realize that you have plenty to weigh in on whatever

216
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,900
the topic.

217
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:47,100
Closely related to this inner script is the fear that jumping in to offer yes and phrasing

218
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,300
will make you look dumb.

219
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:53,180
Have you ever watched interviews with some of the great comics and comedians?

220
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:58,300
Many of them are astoundingly smart, even, and maybe especially those that are known

221
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,700
for the goofiest routines.

222
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:05,140
In other words, what we normally think of as intelligence isn't really necessary for

223
00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:10,180
good conversation, improv, or stand-up.

224
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:14,260
If you're someone who's afraid of adding to conversations or speaking up, keep in

225
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:18,220
mind that it's never as bad as you think it will be.

226
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:24,340
On the one hand, people are often quite focused on themselves and will not be closely analyzing

227
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:28,540
everything you say to decide whether you're an idiot or not.

228
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:34,500
On the other hand, even if something you say does flop completely, so what?

229
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:40,700
The beauty of a fluid, dynamic, and moving conversation is that it keeps going.

230
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:45,060
Just get back up, dust yourself off, and carry on.

231
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:49,220
The truth is that even if you do put your foot in it, most people won't remember the

232
00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:54,660
incident in a day or two anyway, and messing up here and there teaches you a great lesson.

233
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:59,780
How to be humble and use a little humor to get through awkward moments.

234
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:02,780
Laugh at yourself, then move on.

235
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:09,180
Finally, a common script or belief that keeps people out of good improv flow is, I don't

236
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:12,900
have the right to add my own two cents here.

237
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:17,460
Low self-esteem can make you feel like you don't really belong in a conversation or that

238
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,980
you need to let others lead.

239
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:25,980
Some people unconsciously feel that they aren't really entitled to get up and steer the conversation

240
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,180
in a way that they want to.

241
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:32,940
Blame it on culture, upbringing, prejudice, or whatever else.

242
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:37,780
Many people think that actively grabbing hold of a conversation and running with it is a

243
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:44,740
little selfish or rude or for those life and soul type people and not them.

244
00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:48,640
Only consistent practice will help shift this mindset.

245
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:54,600
You have every right to speak up, to be yourself, to change the topic, to have an opinion, to

246
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:59,920
participate, and you don't need to wait for an invitation from anybody.

247
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,320
Think of it from the other side.

248
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,640
Who's more interesting to talk to, the reserved, unconfident person with nothing to say, or

249
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:14,320
the person who confidently brings themselves and their reality to the table?

250
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,760
Takeaways

251
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:21,520
This chapter is about how to steer conversations to different topics without making things

252
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,680
seem restrictive.

253
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:30,600
One critical aspect of talking to people is the ability to transition between topics seamlessly.

254
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:35,240
Many people struggle with this because they often want to discuss specific things and

255
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,240
end up making the conversation rigid.

256
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:44,600
The key rule to be remembered here is the yes and rule.

257
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:50,080
Whenever someone states a proposition, your response should be to agree to it and contribute

258
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,480
a line that will keep the conversation going.

259
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:59,120
Simply agreeing isn't enough since it brings the conversation to a dead end.

260
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:06,920
Disagreeing is even worse because it might make you come across as combative and unsympathetic.

261
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:11,640
Don't be afraid to enter into conversational topics that you don't know much about.

262
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,920
You might just end up learning something new and you'll see that your fears about coming

263
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,160
across as dumb are unfounded.

264
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:24,320
If you keep conversations open-ended, people will naturally want to talk to you because

265
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,560
they will feel like they can share anything with you.

266
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:35,000
A more negative version of the yes and rule is the yes but rule.

267
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,900
It's similar, but the latter immediately makes the other person think of you as argumentative.

268
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:47,140
This is because, unlike the yes and rule, it doesn't help the conversation flow.

269
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:56,820
Alright listeners, that's all we have time for today.

270
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:01,700
We hope you learned a valuable lesson from the improv world and are ready to incorporate

271
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:05,540
yes and into your conversations.

272
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:10,700
For more social skills, tips and tricks, be sure to subscribe to Social Skills Coaching

273
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,820
wherever you get your podcasts in.

274
00:19:12,820 --> 00:19:17,380
Don't forget to check out Patrick King's book, Improve Your Conversations, for a deeper

275
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,260
dive into this concept.

276
00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:25,340
You can learn more at his site, bit.ly slash pkconsulting.

277
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:26,180
We'll see you next Wednesday.