Welcome back to the Wedding Lounge podcast. This week we are talking about
invitations and save the dates. Now, before we dive in to this, I'm an absolute bug bear
and I'm sorry if I've been to your wedding as a guest and you have done this because I know some
of you have done this. Make sure your save the date fits the rest of your stationery theme.
I hate receiving a generic save the date with like, I think, the wildflower pattern on and then
you get the invitations like art deco and you're like, "Where's the continuity between
style?" Like, as I think we've said this about stationery before, it's one of the first things
people see and I'm like, "I look at stationery and I'm like, you're getting idea of someone's
there." It gives me an idea of what colour scheme or what sort of vibe it is. So think before
you send them out or you just go with nothing. Yeah, I'll just buy the picture and go really simple.
To be fair, we just sent a picture of us with the save the date. Like, just the backs of Jamie and I
on the beach in the winter, you know, like in Duffit Coast and stuff. I mean, just sent a save the date
and some key information. Like, it wasn't necessarily themed, but like, if you're going to actually
purchase stationery and have a colour or a pattern, whatever, make your emerges. Yeah.
And I know you have a bug bear. I do. I'm not the biggest fan of save the dates.
Well, I think they are. I mean, if you're going to create it yourself and it's not going to cost you
anything, yeah. I just think they're a huge waste of your budget. Yes, no, I agree. I think the
important people you're going to tell, they're either going to be your family or your very close
friends, they're all going to know when you're getting that read. You don't need to send them a
piece of paper to tell them. And you're going to send out invitations. Yeah. So, you know, you might
have a massive awning out with your best friend between... What are you saying, Jack? What are you saying?
I'm gonna be up to business. Or you might meet someone that you suddenly become really close to,
and you want to invite them to your wedding, but you can't invite them because you end up save the
dates. I just think you leave yourself so little room. There are places to save the dates in my opinion,
if you're having an abroad wedding, and you need guests to know far enough in advance that they
need to save. Yeah. Look, a weekend off work. Those time things. A weekday wedding. Yeah. I think
that or send your invitations far enough in advance. Yeah. I mean, I know I've spoken before about not
sending your invitations far enough in advance, or too far in advance, but I just, I feel like they
are a huge waste of time results. So, it's all about like a digital safe today. Just a, you know,
of what that message, just that picture. Well, that's what most couples do. In which case,
fine. Yeah. But it's that same thing. You're leaving yourself no room to make changes to your guest list.
Yeah. That is very true. And I do think, but if you are sending a save the date, you do need to
include some key information on that save the date because that's when people start thinking
of who's invited in the family. So, have you named Mr. and Mrs. Smith, or have you said, like,
Sarah, Luke, and then Tilly. So do you? Yeah. Yeah. Make sure people are away. Make sure it's obvious.
And I also do think that in my opinion, save the dates are for day guests. Yes.
Like, you don't send, I've had this discussion with a couple who get married next year. And I said,
you know, I said, you don't send a safe, if I received a save the day, I think I was saving the date,
not just coming along in the evening. Their argument was that they had sort of about 50 or 60 coming
along in the evening. But at the end of the day, you can invite evening guests like a few weeks before.
Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, well, it's not like, I think someone over for dinner,
but it's like going evening. It's an evening out. It's not the arrangement someone needs to make
around a whole day is very different to what someone needs to do for an evening event. If you're
inviting them from far away, I mean, there's another controversy there. I don't think you should have
evening guests that have to travel really far to get to your wedding. Right. We went to wedding actually
years ago. And we were day guests, but it was up in just that's our knowledge and we're in Kent. So
it's about three hour drive. And we were day guests that then some of the groom's work colleagues
were evening guests. And they had dropped out last minutes. They got upgraded to day guests because
they traveled far. Yeah. But I thought, oh, that's a lot more. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be. In essence,
I'm really close in which case I've received your day guests. We had a few people that we invited
to the evening who were partners of day guests. So they basically had to twid all their thumbs for
the day until they had come along to the evening. And a couple of those and we had last minute drop
outs came to the day. Yeah. And they'd come from far away, they'd come from your point. Yeah.
I think there's a fine line with Save the Days. But you're right. You need to include some key
information. Yeah. The date. Yeah. Very key. Right. Location as well. If you don't know where you're
getting married, don't send a save the days. You might fall in love with a venue and they don't have
Saturday 11 or 7 hours. Yeah. If you're set on a date, then stick to the date. Yeah. But don't
don't send it out until you know where you're getting married. Yeah. It might be worth sending some
hotel options. If you're doing it far away or information on the accommodation. If you are planning
to accommodate everyone, it's by including that within your save the date. Yeah. Or if it's not
and you're just having a set of few, then send them the same message. I also think so. I've got a wedding
next year. Yes. I had to think about that. Yeah. The bride and groom are from very different
families. Right. And their attire would be very different. So we've kind of spoken about
how to address this situation because we've got one side of them. Turn up, you know,
dress to the nines and one side that sees it as more of a casual affair. Yeah. And the one who
dress to the nines feels like they want it to be quite a formal. Anyone else to it? Occasionally.
So I've suggested that what they do is that they include within their save the date,
dress code to follow. Yes. So then people know there's a dress code, but the bride and groom
are still discussing, yeah, the dress code is, but at least then the dress will know that there
will be a dress code. There's a heads up that's not these coming. Exactly. Or you could include
your dress code if you know for sure. I think you want everyone to buy kills. Yeah. But it's just
worth putting those things in. So you'll guess you're aware of what's coming. Yeah. And I think
you said about children. It's important to make it really clear in the save the date. Children,
because people need to sort out child care. They need to get, you know, you need to manage
expectations that someone's not expecting, like don't put the smiths and you actually just mean
that adults. Yes. There will be an issue. Then people will get upset. And it's just clear
communication, isn't it? Yeah. But I think we say that quite frankly. It's clear. And then
your communication is key. See your invitation. Yes. Once you follow up with your invitation,
what should and what should you not need to include in your invitation? I think keep the
actual invitation relatively clear and concise, you know, location, date, time. Now we've had
this debate off of cameras. And it is not maybe agreed about, and we've seen a lot this summer
where people are putting like a rival times for guests. And that's led to some confusion
because I've seen it where people have been given an arrival time. And the guests thought
that that was the start of the ceremony. So they have then turned up earlier, which are
then too early. So you've got to make it clear, either like ceremony, two o'clock. So your
guests can use their common sense and work out when they need to get there. Or say like ceremony
to guests arrival from half one. So that isn't, no, that's not for them. Yeah. You're not
ideal. But you know, is there one 30 arrival for a two o'clock ceremony? Yeah. You just need
to make it clear for people. But I think state the time that you actually are getting married.
And trust your guests. Yeah. When you are getting married, you tend to be getting married around
the same time as quite a few of your other friends. So most people know wedding etiquette and they're
not going to arrive for a two o'clock ceremony. Just two o'clock. No. And there seems to be quite a
lot of panic around. Yes. It's, it's, it's, had so many couples say to me, oh, but what if people don't
arrive at two? If they can't get to somewhere on time, I don't know how they're holding a jot down.
But I think you need to trust that your guests know how important or webbing is and a two o'clock
ceremony means you need to be there ready to go four two o'clock. Yeah. Because that is when
the last member of the wedding party is going to be rocking us. Yes. That's bridal green. Exactly.
If you are doing something beforehand, make it clear. I've seen weddings as well. So they have
like drinks reception before. They've got people traveling from far. But make it clear. They drinks
from one ceremony to people know. They need, you know, they've got a bit of a window. They can
either one, but they've got time to get their park, have a drink and make their way through. Choose
they want to join for the drink. Some people might decide they're going to go and have lunch somewhere
before having a ride for the ceremony. It's not necessarily, I mean, the groom will be there. Yeah.
The bride or, I mean, you know, two grooms, two brides, you never know, might not be there for that
moment. Leave your guests to their own devices a little bit. Yeah. I think sometimes we're two
micromanaging. Yes. And then people are then adding on their extra time and it's just kind of.
And I think there's a couple that just gives you anxiety over me. I'm sure that everyone's there.
I think you just need to trust these are your closest friends of family. You're advice them to
your wedding day. It's a big deal for everyone there. Yeah. I was helping another planet this summer.
And the family wanted to move to start on the ceremony. Forward, I mean, like, what happened to
if someone's not here? You can't start the ceremony early. They're like, well, should I move on now if
everyone's here? I was like, well, yeah, but I've never heard that before. They wanted to start the
ceremony early. Yeah, because they've had like a slightly different sort of cultural ceremony
beforehand with a smaller number of guests. Yeah. Then they have like a drinks reception for them.
And then there's an ambush here over the time. So yes, the main ceremony had turned up thinking
it started out half two, but actually it was like turn up a half two three. Everyone was there
longer. Still there's people turning up at like two minutes to three. Yeah. So you can't start early.
No. And they wanted to see people at Hordefast too. And I mean, they go exactly the ages. Yeah.
Just don't have a complicated. My one this summer. They decided they wanted to have beers for everyone
when they arrived. So they were like, we'll ask everyone for one. But I doubt we'll actually start
the ceremony until sort of like half one quarter to two. So is it a one o'clock? Is it, but there was
no sort of yeah, sense to it on the invitation. It just said one o'clock. So I just think that was
the ceremony. Well, he had people turning up from hot past. Yeah. There were a one o'clock ceremony.
And then they were there for an hour and a half. And you haven't got that much. It's really cool.
But you know, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Always tailored people. It was just background music. Yeah. It just,
it made it quite awkward. And it was just a bit too much time. Whereas if they'd said one o'clock
from one thirty ceremony. Yeah. It would have been great. Yeah. No, you just need to be clear.
Or sit to tradition and just say the time that the ceremony starts. Yes.
Leave it to again. I'm not sure too much for all the time. Yeah. If you're telling people to come
early and make sure they realise that that is the earlier time and not the ceremony time. Yes.
What else have we thought about with invitations? That's code. Yes. I actually think that
that if it's very important to you how people arrive or what they do not wear include a dress code.
Yeah. And make it specific as well. Some are suits. Morning dress. Yeah. Black tie.
And then you can link to your wedding website and have more information on that if you want to
break it down some more information card or information card. Yeah. Anything like that that means you've
got that bit of extra explanation. But if it is important to you how your wedding guests arrive
include that. And I think on that information card as well it's a brilliant place to include
parking information because people don't necessarily know where to park and that just says anxiety
for your guests and confusion on the day. You know just say there isn't a bathroom at the church
so you may have to find a park beforehand to use the restroom. Yeah. If you need to or you need to park
here anything like that. So you just need to give much information about accommodation, booking
taxis, all of that. Yeah. Really important to include. Yeah. But do all the information cards so that
it can be, you know, to look pretty on an invite. No, you want it to. It has been trying to do it
actually to go along with your invitation. Yeah. That's a minute of the race. I also
next bug there. I'm a big believer in not including everything else time wise that's going to
follow. Yes. Yeah. It is my worst nightmare when a couple come to me and they say oh we want to have
an order of the day with all the timings on. No, please don't do that because then your guests expect
things to happen at a certain time. And there might be a total disaster going on in the catering
tent that is out of everyone else's control. Or you might just have nice light and see go actually
we're going to have some golden out of shots out. I guess they're going to hold on. This was happening.
And if you'd like to know that they're going to enjoy the day. Yeah. Exactly. They just need to go
with the flow. No one should be looking at their watches other than your supplies. And they shouldn't
need to worry about when they're eating either because if you sort of your guest properly,
you don't normally eat for the ceremony. They'll have the ceremony. Give them some kind of pace,
something like that. Then the meal. Then your guests don't need to know when they're eating because
yeah, it's kind of they know it's coming. Yeah. Exactly. But I do think it's really important to
just be clear and give as much gifts as well as as much information as you can about gifts. Yeah.
Not many people have gifts nowadays though. No. I need wards honeymoon. Honeymoon's things like that.
But also include how you want to receive that. Yes. So I had one fairly recently where I think I had
about 15 emails from guests asking how they would donate to the honeymoon sign because it just said
we'd like you to put towards our honeymoon fund. But we'd kind of spoke about different options
and then they couldn't decide on what option they wanted to do. So they didn't end up putting anything
on their invitation. Oh, okay. We do cash. Yeah. No relation card or checks or, you know,
Prozola do like gift registries you can now put towards the honeymoon fund. Yeah. On there or
give things like that. Like there's so many amazing ways that you can do it. Yeah. But again,
you just need to give your guests the information. And I think it's all much nicer coming together
in one little neat bundle. Yes. Then it is grips with that. Yeah. Yeah. And also,
then everyone can look at it, sort it all out one go and be done. And they're not looking. Oh,
hang on. This was on the website. This was in a WhatsApp. That was in an email. The invitation
has got the information card. Everything you need to know. Yeah. Amazing.
The way to top tip around invitations. My top tip is just be clear about communicating. Don't
you have any room for like misinterpretation because someone will misinterpret it. Yeah.
And one will. And I just thought we had us helping someone else. I'm just, you know,
it wasn't my wedding. But a boyfriend of someone who was an evening guest turned up
ceremony. Who thought the meal as well. And so we have to quickly tell the caterers that
a little bit of it in. If you're a guest and the invitation doesn't ask your dietary
requirements that you have one, hell your friends. Why wait until the day? We had a pregnant lady
turn up at wedding recently. It was always the vegetarian, but we'd not been told, you know.
And she was like, oh, was it us? You probably would have been asked for it on the invitation,
because it wasn't my clients. So you probably would have been asked on the invitation. But it's not,
it was wrong with you people. If you have a dietary requirement, tell them even if you're not asked.
Yeah. And make sure you do ask your guests. But if you forget, just tell people, why would you not
tell me we have a severe not allergy at every given time? Like, sorry, that was a bit off topic. But
when you're asked on an invitation for a dietary requirement, give your dietary requirement. My
policy was 480 guests in the end. I think we had 11 dietary requirements. And the chef was like,
sorry, we normally have like 11 dietary clients, like 150 people. And the answer was basically,
we wouldn't have told you then, go over and she's like, well, this is on the day, they'll be asking me
for like the food for me and stuff like that. Just tell people. You know, sorry. I'm going off my
soap. That's not. It's important, though. It's important. We don't have a diet. No, we don't have a
little wedding. No, no, no, you definitely don't. I don't have a severe allergy. But if you had one,
why would you not tell people, even if you know, make sure in your RSVP, it is clear? Yes. In fact,
I'm going to keep going. I'm going to summer. I was happy. RSVP is coming through to email. And
the bride's mean to say, oh, yeah, sorry, it's good to tell you, but like, you know about my allergies.
And I was like, can you actually just write down what your allergies are? Yeah, because you know,
she has three different allergies. So I find this on, sorry, we've totally gone off of this top tip now.
Digital RSVPs, as well. When a couple RSVPs take this place is quite bad for it. As is the knot.
You get the RSVP back and it says, the diet requirement. I'm a vegetarian. Which one? Which one?
Who's vegetarian? When that happens quite often. So when you are getting your RSVPs back in,
Boston to be specific as to who is a vegetarian, especially if you don't know. Yeah. And if you
are the guest, Bing is specific. Yes. Well, you had someone that are wedding RSVP and add a plus one.
Love it. Love it. I actually had to mess, I'm really sorry, but we are at capacity and there is no
way you can bring a plus one. It wasn't on your invitation. So what happened? She didn't turn that
to the wedding. Did she say she was coming and then do it? Yeah. Water. Yeah. Means. Yes. What a
monkey. I'm so bad. My teeth are there now. Not at all. Not at all. Don't thank me. My top tip,
couples, when it comes to your invitations, is spend your budget wisely. If you don't need to save
the date. No. Don't send one. There's no need in a elaborate envelope with gold foil lining wax
seal. Wax seals. It's an envelope that's going to get thrown away. And I do think sometimes people
really, really, really focus on the envelope. Unless it's like one of those beautiful invitations
that the envelope opens up and it is the invitation. Yeah. I do think that sometimes we put so much
into those added extras. And yes, it can have the budget. If you have the virus. 100% love
donations. Don't waste your money on it if you do not have the budget. Yeah.
Jude wisely. Where you spend it. Yeah. Definitely. Right. Before we rant on and on.
Be anyway. Well, I rant on and on. Next week we will have an exciting guest. I hope we're talking
about how to solve my favorite challenge. Yay! See you next time, friends!