Welcome to Love Notes, Miranda.

And today I want to talk about your communication list.

Now, what do I mean by a communication list?

Well, I'd like you to write down all the people that you have not communicated with, that you have not cleared the air, that you have not been transparent, that when you think of this person, you know there are things that are left unsaid.

Now, well, does this mean you have to say everything to everybody all the time?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

But if you are thinking about them and have any guilt or shame or worry or concern or anger or anxiety or fret or worry or any of those lovely fear responses, then you are not at peace with that person.

Which means there are things that are left unsaid, whether that means you physically say them out loud, whether you write them on a piece of paper and mail them, or whether you write them down and burn them in a big bonfire.

But there are some things that need to be communicated, things that you need to tell yourself the truth about, things that you need to maybe tell them some things about.

So, communication list.

Who is it that you still have in your heart?

Concerns, worries, maybe even gratitude, love.

Things that have been left unsaid.

You know, when you think of this person or these people, you know, you go, oh, I just.

If I could have.

I wish I.

If I could have.

I know I never.

There is always a. Ah, well, it.

It.

Ooh.

That are the people that I want you to write on your communication list.

So you have homework today.

Get out a piece of paper and write down all the people that when you think of them, when they go through your brain, when they go through your heart, you have a moment of, ugh.

Or.

Or, ah, you are not at peace.

You are not at peace.

Now, like I said, doesn't mean that you're going to say these things to people necessarily.

You could, but you may not.

And some you may.

When you write down your communications list, you're actually going to say, okay, Jill, let's write down Jill, let's write down Sally, let's down Frank, whatever, whoever it is.

And you're going to write down, okay, Frank.

Well, I never told him how mad I am at him about A, B, and C. And I still hold resentment and a grudge.

Sally.

Every time I think of her, I get so jealous.

I get so competitive.

Jill.

Oh, I'm just so sad that we had that fight.

So whatever it is, just write down the person's name and then write down what is in your heart, what is grown around in that head of yours, when you think of that person, what is left unsaid?

So you're going to write down what that thing is that's unsaid.

And then your next step is this.

You're going to write down what is your responsibility?

What do you think their responsibility is?

And then the action you're going to take.

So what's your responsibility?

So let's say, Jill, in the fight that you had, what is your responsibility?

Did you say something inappropriate?

Did you look shocked and angry and turn away?

What was your part of it?

And maybe your part isn't even necessarily about the fight itself, but maybe it's about your response to the fight afterwards, that you cut her off, that you spoke poorly about her, that you just wanted to end it all with her, no more relationship.

Or again, whatever it is.

Or maybe you pretended nothing was wrong and you smiled around her all the time, but you knew that it wasn't okay?

So where is it that you're lying?

What is it that you're withholding?

What is it that you're not sharing?

Where is it that you're not taking responsibility for whatever happened between you?

And maybe it happened before the fight happened, maybe it happened months before the fight happened that you haven't been owning your stuff.

So we never approach anybody here at Fearless Living without cleaning up our side of the fence first, right?

So we must start looking at ourselves with clear eyes and a clear head and a clear heart and be willing to be honest and transparent about how we contribute to that communication list that we are not communicating with.

Once we write down everything that we think we have not done, we have not owned, we have not said, we have not A, B or C. Then we go to the other person.

Well, what's the other person's responsibility?

What do you think is their fault?

What do you think their issue is their problem?

And then lastly, it's like, what are you going to do?

So does this have to be communicated or is this just internal work for you to do to get clean and clear?

And even if you want to say something to the other person or you deem that it's necessary to say something to the other person, you still have to get clear as clear as you can before you ever open your mouth.

So look at the relationships on your communication list.

Own what you're not saying and to who, and quote, unquote, why you're not saying it.

Own your stuff, right?

Take responsibility.

Then look at how they're contributing or what they're doing or not doing.

And you're not in charge of changing that, right?

You can't make them do anything.

You can make requests, so you can request things from other people, but you can't make them.

You can't make them change.

So your pain goes away.

You're in charge of releasing your pain and moving into acceptance.

You're the one that's your work to do, but it doesn't mean you may not need to.

Must ask for something from them or say something to them.

And then lastly, Jezebel's got a lot to say.

What do you want to say, Jezebel?

Are you agreeing with me?

She's like, yes, speak up, please.

So clean up your side of the fence first before you even decide what you want to do or say with the other person.

And again, that might be saying something out loud, that might be requesting something, that may be writing a letter and that may be burning something in a bonfire and never saying a word to them.

And remember, I Forgave my parents 20 years after they died.

So I didn't get to say something right?

I had to write it and burn it.

And sure, I could say something to their spirits and souls that are here with me now.

And maybe even I heard something back.

But it's our responsibility to create our communication list and start cleaning up our relationships before it's too late.

Before it metastasizes and we become rigid and cold and bitter and angry and our heart closes up for good.

You're doing this work to save yourself, so do it.

Until next time, be fearless.

I love you.