Hey.

Hey beautiful friends.

And welcome back to the podcast.

This is your host, Kristen.

Today I have a guest interview for you and we are going to talk about walking through hard things.

We're going to talk about letting go and letting God, as easy as that sounds.

But what does that look like in practice?

We're going to be talking about her walking through divorce, narcissistic spouse.

We're going to talk about what a second act in our lives looks like and we're just going to talk about all the things that God's doing and moving in our life and what we've experienced.

Hey friend, are you craving deeper faith renewed purpose and more joy in your everyday life?

Welcome to Faith Fueled Woman podcast that helps Christian women grow spiritually pursue God's calling and embrace the abundant life he has for you.

I'm Kristen, an encourager, mentor, entrepreneur, wife and mom, here to uplift, equip and inspire you with faith filled conversations and biblical wisdom.

Subscribe now so you never miss an episode and join our faith fueled community for more encouragement.

Hi.

Today on the podcast I want to welcome our guest, Stephanie Carmody.

She has worked in brand and celebrity PR work for over two decades.

She's worked with top names in entertainment media and in 2013 she started her boutique event planning company, Trey Chic Events.

And this year she has launched a lifestyle podcast dedicated to exploring life's full of reinventions called Second Act Sessions.

And I'm really excited to talk to her today because we're going to talk about what life looks like as we step into midlife, what life looks like when our seasons change, when God is calling us into something new.

We're going to talk about having to go through hurt and healing and what that looks like.

And we're going to talk about what we might be being called to now or in our next season.

And so I know it's going to be powerful.

I know you're going to get a lot out of it and I can't wait for you to hear this episode.

So welcome to the show, Stephanie.

Thank you so much for having me.

It's a pleasure to be here.

I'm looking forward to chatting with you.

Absolutely.

Can you just start first of all.

With just sharing a little bit about what your journey's been like, what life looks like now, and what you see on the horizon for yourself as well?

Sure, that's a lot to cover, but as you mentioned, my background is primarily in public relations, consumer entertainment and event planning.

And I did and still have my own event planning Business.

I started that when my ex and I moved from New York into Connecticut.

And so I was like, what am I going to do with my life?

So I started my own event planning company.

And throughout the marriage, I was busy working on that.

And now that we are no longer together, God has me on a different course.

And through the three plus years since I've been divorced and on my healing journey and sort of reconnecting back with forging my relationship closer with God, he put on my heart to share my story.

I had to get out there and share my testimony and all the amazing things he's done in my life.

And that's how my podcast second act sessions came to fruition.

I have been talking about it for several years, but I feel like I wasn't ready.

I wasn't healed enough, I wasn't strong enough.

Because not only was I healing from a divorce, which as we all know, is a death in and of itself, I, through healing, realized I was also married to a narcissist.

So my healing was twofold.

It was really kind of grappling with, oh my goodness, where am I?

Midlife, late 40s, finding myself newly divorced, single, nothing that I had planned on, did not expect that at all.

And then finding myself single now and then realizing that I had to also heal from the emotional abuse, which is really gruesome.

It took a while for me to build up my self confidence because what a narcissist will do is they will isolate you and they will strip you of your identity.

And it's a very slow, gradual process.

And I see myself now, like even a year from now, I'm a different person.

Two years from now, I'm a different person.

It's taken me that long to, like I said, build up.

He broke my spirit, he broke my self confidence, my identity.

Like I just was a shell of a person.

And I really had to go inward this past three years and do the hard work, do the healing, really face the mirror and really rely on God to deliver me truly from evil and help me rebuild myself.

And I'm doing that through my podcast now.

So I'm blessed to be able to speak with people such as yourself and other guests and topics that I'm passionate about that I want to share with the world and really just be a light, be an inspiration to show people that no matter what you're going through, you will survive, you will heal, you will get stronger, and God is always there for you, even when you don't hear him, even when you're in A really challenging season.

He is always right there.

And that's been a journey for me because I lost my connection with God when I was in my marriage.

Everything revolved around my ex, and I can't blame him for everything.

Obviously it takes two to tango, but when you marry someone who says they're agnostic.

I should have listened to the red flag.

And that's another thing, like paying attention to red flags.

But you didn't really know yourself and know your self worth.

It's really hard to do that.

And then you get someone who's just overpowering and kind of strips you of your strength in so many ways.

And so, like I said, it's taken me a while to build that back up.

And every day I'm feeling stronger and stronger.

And I'm just so blessed to share my story and hopefully, like I said, be an inspiration to others.

I love that.

Yeah.

I mean, there's so much there.

But I think the first thing is, is, you know, you had said like you kind of had, and I think a lot of us can relate to this, like, ebb and flow faith.

Right.

So many of us might have always had some faith, but it kind of takes twists and turns in our life.

And I think maybe that's the first thing is just what helped you come back.

Right.

And can start deepening that relationship with God.

Like, what does that look like?

Well, it's interesting.

So as I say, God has always had his hand on me.

I was born again when I was 11 years old.

I've been in the Christian church since I was 6, but I was officially born again when I was 11.

And I feel like this world is just hard.

I feel like this world is really hard to navigate and stay close with God because there's so many distractions.

The enemy is so prevalent in every little thing.

And you really, truly do have to put your full armor of God on.

But this is back when I was in my 20s and 30s and you're not as connected in a way.

I was so busy with my career and then falling in love and you get lost.

But I will say there's two instances when I really feel like he left the 99 and came for me.

And I actually just bought a picture of Jesus holding a lamb because it meant so much to me.

So here I am at the end of my marriage.

It was really bad.

2020 obviously was horrific because of COVID but it also played out in our marriage.

And in 2021, I almost didn't recognize him towards the end.

It was Just the way I was being treated, it was awful.

And I got on my hands and knees one day and I said, I'm done.

I can't do this.

Falling crying to God, saying, lord, I surrender all.

I give it to you.

I said, thy will be done.

You handle this marriage.

You either fix this marriage or you dissolve it.

I said, because I can't do this anymore.

Two weeks later, my ex came to me.

He's like, I want a divorce.

Okay.

It was so jarring.

But I asked for it, and God answered me wholeheartedly.

The funny thing is that.

So you would think that I would just get closer to Jesus.

And I did, in a way, accept the enemy didn't want me getting close to Jesus.

And what he did was he distracted me with New age spirituality.

So then I went down that path for a while, and although I was still toeing the line, thinking, I can be a Christian, but I can still believe in this and I can go to read my Bible.

But it was just so confusing, though, because I was being torn.

And then last year, it was during the time it was threefold again.

A number three always speaks to me.

It's my favorite number.

The three represents Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

So anything happens in threes, I know it's from God.

So I was watching all of those hurricanes, remember the North Carolina and Florida.

And I was just devastated.

I was praying.

I was checking on TikTok, all the people we were following, all the farms.

Like, you would hear people from other countries praying.

Do you remember that?

It was just absolutely.

I felt like God's presence that week.

I don't know what it was.

And that also coincided with.

I was watching the chosen.

A person, a third person told me I had to watch the chosen.

So I'm watching the chosen bawling every day because it was just so touching.

And.

And I really feel like that show really does bring Jesus to life in a way I hadn't experienced.

And then the third thing was I came across this pastor, and I swear I mention him every time in almost every podcast, because this is a God moment for me.

I came across him on Instagram, and I remember, like, going back and forth with, like, oh, is this New age spirituality real?

I don't know if this is the truth.

And he was speaking about in the Bible.

I forget which verse.

It's something I hadn't heard before.

And I went to a Christian school for four years.

Like, no one preached this.

But he's going on saying, you know, everyone, you're all out there going to your tarot readers, go into mediums, going to psychics.

And he's yelling.

He goes, it's demonic.

It was like God slapped me in the face with that message.

And as soon as I heard that, I heard, I am the way, the truth, and the life.

And I knew right then and there, I was like, that's it.

I'm done.

I'm done with New age spirituality.

I have not seen a psychic or tarot reader or anything since that day.

And it was so jarring and so beautiful.

And I feel like God can reach you in any way that works for you.

He knows you.

So for me, he knows how to reach me through social media because I do a lot of scrolling and researching.

I get memes that come across.

I get pastors that come across with messages, and I really believe he will meet you where you are.

And for me, that's where I happened to be.

I was on social quite a bit, scrolling through Instagram and TikTok and.

Oh, my goodness.

So that was like, two instances right there where God truly delivered me.

And then I was like, that's it.

And then I just.

Something in me changed.

I ended up becoming a member of my church that I had been going to for years, off and on.

So much so that our pastor looked at me.

He's like, you're not a member already?

I'm like, no, I guess I'm not.

I didn't even realize that I wasn't.

So I became a member.

I try to go to church every Sunday.

I put on my full armor of God, which is trying to read the Bible every day.

It's hard for me because I have adhd, so it's hard for me to, like, sit and read.

My brain's going a mile a minute.

I put on my Christian worship music all day.

I just.

I like to keep that on because it really just helps me.

And I pray daily.

I talk to God all day long.

And so I feel like my whole journey has not only gotten me closer to God ultimately, but it's also healed me.

He's delivered me.

I've seen blessings within my family as well.

It's just, he's so good, and I'd be so, like, selfish for me not to share that and just share what he's done in my life.

And listen, I know people have been through probably way worse things than I've been through.

But, you know, know what?

I have a voice.

I have a platform.

And if I can impart any wisdom or lessons learned or knowledge, I'm happy to Share it.

Because I just would not wish anyone to go through what I went through dealing with a narcissist, whether you're dating or whether you're in a romantic marriage or relationship or even friendships.

Because I saw God pull and rip out friends out of my life who were no good for me.

And I realize now through healing, that they also were narcissistic exists.

So I think the enemy just has a really strong or had a strong hold on me for a while to keep me from what God has for me and what his plan is for me.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Oh, my gosh, you shared so much good stuff.

And yes, forever.

No, no, it was great.

This is only one tidbit of it.

I think there's several things I'll kind of grab.

But I'm with you on not so much Facebook, but for me, Instagram, I mean, I go to TikTok stuff, but not so much.

But for me, I have such a curated Instagram feed that almost all of it, I'd say 95% of it is either faith based, health based.

It's all the gardening, whatever, all the things I'm interested in.

So all day long.

Well, I mean, not that I'm sitting there all day long, but like, when I go on there, I actually am encouraged and inspired and I must save.

I probably have 30,000 things in my God folder.

Right?

I have.

But like, a lot of them.

I was working on a solo podcast earlier, or I started it yesterday and I just couldn't quite.

I don't know, it wasn't one I had fleshed out fully, you know, because sometimes it's kind of like I have an idea or two and I just kind of riff.

And other times I have hard to articulate sometimes.

And so.

And then today, one of the things I saw by a pastor was literally like, oh, my gosh, this is.

This really goes so well with the first thing that I was going to talk about.

But I have that happen all the time where something hits me, the words.

I'm like, you have certain pastors, whether I listen to their sermon or I read their books, they speak in such a way that they bring a Christian faith to life.

For me, which, don't get me wrong, I know we want that from the Bible, but sometimes even if you have study Bibles, it doesn't hit the same way.

Right.

For me, I need both.

I need to.

I need it to be told to me in a way that makes sense.

Sense and stories of today and biblical stories.

Because then I can kind of connect it to my life, right?

And so, yes.

And I feel like I've gotten so much healing from memes or from videos that I've seen.

And like, like I said, I think God was using it all along because when I initially was healing, what popped up, all the narcissist experts and memes and quotes that literally I felt like I had healing.

Like, it was almost like going to a therapist with some of these memes and experts that were so instrumental.

And I know that was all God's doing.

And then as I.

Through the years, I've seen other things come up and I now know I need to hear or God has a message for me.

So as I mentioned earlier, I do think God will meet you where you are and he will talk to you in ways that he knows you will be able to hear.

And it resonates with me, feel whatever that may be.

Tik Tok, Instagram, you name it, Right?

That's right.

The grocery store, your friend, anything, anything, anything.

I think sometimes, though, we are so busy with our lives that we aren't open.

Like, we're not paying attention.

Right?

And so you and I both said that we tend to notice, right?

We kind of maybe are aware that, yes.

You know, like, what's going on.

And you know what I think that's really meant for me, right?

Or whatever was going on or that spoke to me.

But I do talk to people all the time that I feel like they're.

They're kind of oblivious, like they're.

They're so stuck in their to do list and their yes.

Obligations that they're not paying attention.

Right?

To, like, God speaking to us in the world, the way he speaks.

And that's the other thing I think this world, as we mentioned, is so hard to navigate because I feel like the enemy is in charge of this world nine times out of ten.

And we have to navigate and be the light.

But what I will say is that of course I lost my train of thought.

I just think that he'll reach you wherever you are.

But I think we also have to steal our minds because this world has us so busy that he, like, for the past three years, I haven't done much.

I kind of gone like almost like.

A hermit, like a healing hermit.

And he just kept saying, be still.

Just be still.

Because he knew how my brain worked.

With an ADHD brain, undiagnosed self diagnosed, he knows that my brain can go a mile a minute.

And for me to hear him, I really had to slow everything down to hear his voice, however, and whenever he's speaking with me.

And actually, it's ironic you mentioned that because just the other night he was showing me, you know, as I was kind of grappling with being single and praying, like, please bring me my person this year, but again, your will be done.

But he's also showing me that he wants me to just be in relationship with him right now and show me his love if I pay attention to it.

And I was outside the other day, and he's like, see, remember what I showed you?

You were outside.

And remember you had that beautiful butterfly come into your garden.

And like, little things like that.

Maybe most people aren't paying attention to that, but I do.

And I see those are little, like God weights, like, or little ways that God is showing me he loves me.

And it may not be with a physical man or someone who can hold me and hug me, but he can love me in other ways.

And I thought that was so touching when he kind of shared that with.

Me the other night.

Because I think we all struggle with loneliness from time to time.

Or we're so busy, we're like, is God even there?

Does he even hear me?

I can't hear him.

And I think to your point, we just need to quiet our brains sometimes and just take a deep breath and go inward and just listen.

You know, we don't always have to talk.

Just listen.

That's right.

Yeah.

I'd say most of us, I think somewhere I've read it might have been an old Pastor Bishop type person, but he said, like, one of the biggest problems of the world is that we don't know how to be quiet with ourselves.

Yes.

Which means we can't hear God or our own, you know, thought so.

I'm with you on that.

And I'm with you.

I much believe that every night God is creating an artistic, you know, masterpiece with sunsets and that, you know, all of nature, the beautiful flowers and, you know, so I'm with you.

I have a micro gratitude practice, which I do all day long.

And it's literally a conversation with God and it's.

Yeah, just thanking him for every little thing.

Like, how did you come up with that many colors of red?

How many?

You know, like, the flowers behind you, like, you know, and I'm like, if anybody doesn't understand there's a Creator.

I'm like, look at everything a human creates artistically.

It's already in nature.

Like, we didn't make those colors up.

They came from nature.

But yet we somehow, you know, some of us don't want to.

Want to see it.

Well, in my daily devotional that I read, I was just actually yesterday saying the closest way to connect with Jesus and be close with God is just gratitude and being thankful.

Once you do that, he will come back in and like, he's there.

Like, he just, you know, it's little things.

Be thankful you have a roof over your head.

Be thankful, you know, you have a loving family or I have my nieces, even though I don't have my own children.

God blesses you in so many other ways.

So just focus on what you're grateful for.

It could be big or little, and I think that's a great place to start on a daily basis.

Yeah.

So one thing that you.

You talk about, I know is, and you just mentioned it, is loneliness.

So let's talk about that for a minute.

Because like you said, it doesn't matter if you're single, you're married, you're dating someone.

It doesn't matter what stage you're in.

We can all feel lonely no matter if we're in a room with 500 people or in a relationship with one person.

Because it's not about the person or the room.

No.

Right.

It's about something more.

So what would you just share with us?

Because I think, especially since COVID I think.

Right.

There's even a bigger struggle with people still feeling lonely.

We.

We feel empty in some way, like there's something missing.

And what would you just say, state of that?

Well, I would say looking back on my marriage in particular, I was married, and just because I'm married did not mean I wasn't lonely.

I always say I was the loneliest married person you had ever met.

And I'm sure there's some of your viewers and listeners are feeling the same way.

It's because I think we put so much effort and responsibility on the other person to make us happy, to keep us company, and we can't do that.

We have to go inward, do the work, do the healing.

Whatever childhood trauma you have that you're ignoring and not willing to look in the mirror, we have to do the work first and love ourselves.

I'm not saying love ourselves thinking we're the greatest thing in the world.

Not that there's anything even wrong with that, because God made us in his image and we are perfect in his eye.

Instead of realizing that and doing the work to get back to who we really are as children of God, we get so busy and distracted with work, with everything, and we don't want to go inward and, and the problem is that if you don't know yourself and know you know what you like, what you don't like, what are your, your boundaries with people, whether it's a friendship or romantic partner, it's never going to work.

And you're always going to feel alone because you aren't in touch with yourself.

And it sounds like you also probably aren't in relationship with a higher power.

For us, it's God.

But you know, whoever it is, you just need to do the work and do the healing and then, then you can feel so confident in yourself that you could be in a room with 5,000 people and still not feel alone because you know your self worth.

Do you know what I'm saying?

So there's a lot of internal work that I didn't even know about.

Like, I just went through life and then I took the time for three years, I'm not even joking.

It's been three years of healing and just being alone and enjoying the little things and building my relationship with God and seeing the friendships that are coming and going and just applying all that healing.

And that really helps me because so right now I am single, 49 and single.

Never thought I'd be here, but I'm not lonely.

I have moments where I'm like, oh, I want to have a partner because I want companionship.

I'm sick of, you know, I love to go on a trip with someone.

Not just my girlfriends who all snore so hard to go on vacations with them, but I love them.

But I'm also like, but that's okay.

God has me right where I need to be right now.

I know he's going to bring my person when the time is right, when I'm right and when he's right and I have no control.

So I have to let it go and enjoy the now.

Don't worry about the past.

You can't worry about the future.

All we have is now.

And I think once you live in the moment and celebrate being present, all the other stuff just kind of fades away.

It doesn't matter, you know, if that makes sense.

Like that's sort of just what I've experienced in my, in my journey.

No, I absolutely agree with you.

I, I think any of the times where I felt lonely, you know, I've been married for 26 years.

I've been with my husband for 31, so I mean, I was young, I was 20.

Right?

That's a long time.

So.

We are very different people from.

20 to I'm 51, so absolutely.

It's a long time.

So my point is, we've obviously changed over the years and you know, we have a good relationship.

He's a good, very good husband, good dad.

But the point though is, is I've still felt lonely before.

But it, but it was the same thing.

It was that I was all of a sudden in those moments, like wanting something for my husband that wasn't his, if he wasn't doing anything wrong.

It was that I needed to do more work where I needed to re.

Shift my perspective.

Right.

Like, in other words, it was because I started focusing on ego, like my ego instead of like love and serving and being a good wife.

And not that that means I should not want the same from him, but what I meant is, of course, but so I've found that too is whenever I felt lonely, it was because it was something in me that I needed to work on or that I needed to reflect on.

And it was also maybe times where I wasn't as focused on my relationship with God.

Because as we know, yes.

If you're a Christian, they say, like, God has designed us to have a hole in our heart, like a space for God.

And so when we don't, we can fill it with nothing but God.

And we can try, right?

That's how we try to fill lots of things in there.

But it will never fulfill us in the same way is that relationship.

And so I absolutely agree with you on the loneliness is.

Loneliness has nothing to do with companionship or if people around us.

It has to do with something that we have to do.

The work and then our relationship and our faith.

And I think what happens is if you don't, if you or whoever doesn't understand that, we end up just projecting all of our anger, stress, sadness onto that person, whether it's a friend or a husband.

And it has nothing to do with them.

It's us.

And we need to do the inward work, you know, and that's taken me a while to find, figure out and realize, like, oh, okay, like, and I see it, I'm like, that person's just projecting.

It has nothing to do with you.

They're projecting their trauma, unhealed trauma onto you.

So ignore, ignore, set a boundary, wish them well, send them a prayer.

But that is not your responsibility to fix.

We have to do the work and we can only.

I feel we can't do anything without that.

Like, I've tried it.

Trust me, you can't.

Right.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

Well, and the other thing too is I, I don't recall who said this.

It might have been some sort of therapist or somebody.

But is that we try to make, when we're in a, you know, a companionship, romantic relationship, relationship with someone, we try to make them be our everything.

Like you said.

Like we want them to be like our best buddy and do fun activities, but we want them to be responsible and clean the house.

We want them to be intimate.

We.

So we want them to be everything.

And then it's like.

But then, but it's like that's not ever what a relationship or marriage was.

It doesn't mean we don't, we don't hope.

There are a lot of those things, but most people aren't every part of that.

Right.

Like we can be bits of some of that, but it's.

And so we're.

Our expectation of a relationship or.

Right.

A long term relationship or marriage.

We're putting these expectations that are not realistic really on them.

Right.

You know, and so I think what happens is sometimes we put our husband, our spouse first too, before God.

And then that's just a recipe for disaster, you know, unfortunately, because that's so much pressure on them as well.

We almost, in a way they become like a false idol.

Right.

It could be anything, could be a false God or false idol.

Right.

And so I feel like for me, I was always in a relationship.

I went from boyfriend to boyfriend to marriage and it was like they consumed me.

I was.

Everything was about them.

And it's like hardly ever about me, certainly not about God.

So I feel like the balance needs to shift in relationships, at least for me.

And you know, as far as, yes, I want my person, but I don't think God wants that for me until I always make God the priority and don't get sidetracked with new fancy guy in my life.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

Right, right.

It's because we can.

Right.

There are definitely people and patterns that, that, that happens with.

Right.

Like you said, like, well, I need a, I need a person.

I need my person.

And like you said, and you just, if you don't have that one, then you're looking for the next one.

Because we're looking for them to fill something.

Right.

And I'm not saying you don't want the person, but to your point, they can't fill everything.

They can't fill the space that God.

God is meant for.

Right?

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, I agree.

So I feel like a lot of women struggle with something that we've sort of alluded to, which is we don't want to upset people or we always put people's feelings and their needs ahead of ours.

I mean, that's very typical for women, right?

I mean, because women typically are the caregivers in some way, whether it's for a spouse or a, you know, a parent, like a, you know, maybe a sick parent, could be kids.

But what have you learned going through this, this process, right, of being in a narcissistic marriage to divorced and then doing all this healing work and kind of reconnecting on a deeper faith level?

Like, what would you say about that?

Have you learned anything or kind of seen your spouse yourself becoming healthier in that area?

I have, actually.

So for someone who I think similar to you, and even as a good Christian, it was always, I'm always a good Christian.

I'm always going to be nice, I'm going to give.

I'm selfless.

And my mother was the same way.

And it's admirable.

And I just gave and gave and gave.

I gave to my ex, I gave to my friends.

The problem I realized is that I wasn't setting boundaries for myself.

It's not for them, it's for myself.

And setting boundaries isn't a mean thing.

It isn't an anti Christian thing.

It means you respect yourself enough to know that, okay, yes, I want to help them.

But you know what?

Now is not a good time for me.

And it's okay to say no.

It's okay to say no.

And it doesn't make you a bad person.

And if you're realizing you're giving to the wrong people, which I didn't realize because I wasn't healed, I literally call them like vampires.

They will suck the energy out of you and they will take and take and take until you have nothing left.

And that happened with my ex, that happened with so many friends.

And I realized, okay, if I'm going to give, I just need to make sure I'm giving to the right people.

The people that are are good to me, that do respect me, that do respect my boundaries and that I'm not saying they have to reciprocate, but at least I know they appreciate it.

And learning that it was hard for me because I'm such a giver that I then had to learn how to be the receiver, which is foreign to me.

So that's what I've been been doing.

And I have so many amazing friends, like I said, that God took out of my life, thankfully.

But then he's blessed me with so more amazing Christian faith based women and I see how just healthy that relationship is, where I'll give but then it's always reciprocated and it's like I don't have to ask that I don't think I'm taking advantage of.

It's so lovely to see that.

And so for me moving forward, I also have learned what not to do when God brings me my next person and hopefully my next husband.

Because now I know my self worth.

I love myself and I love God first and foremost that I don't want anything that God doesn't want for me.

And so I'm going to be going into it knowing that I'm not alone, that God goes ahead of me, that he's prepared the way and that I don't have to worry.

But now I have all these tools that I've learned that I can observe and watch and see how they treat me.

And now I can say, okay, you know what, you're not for me or you know what, I want to pull back my energy.

I'm not going to reach out as much.

Let me just take a step back.

Because I was always the one for call the friend.

I was the one who'd rush over and bring food if you needed help if your parents were in the hospital.

But then when I went through my divorce, I saw really quick who was really there for me.

00 of my friends that I was there for were there for me.

And hey, everyone's on their own journey.

I thank God for showing me, giving me clear eyes to see who really are my friends.

And that's been a blessing and like I said, it's opened up so, so many new friendships for me.

But I will say that everyone, do the inner work, know your boundaries, know your self worth.

Because that can apply to so many relationships.

Not just romantic and that's been a game changer for me and still being a good Christian, but also not getting walked all over.

God doesn't want that either.

You know, like, come on, people take advantage of us because we're so nice.

Or you're an empath.

I'm definitely an empath.

But it's like, all right, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give to everybody, you know, like I can't.

Well, yeah, I mean, obviously even Jesus gives us that example.

I mean it's that yes, we want to serve, we want to be kind, we want to show up in love, we want to do all these things, but you can't do it 24 7.

Right.

Every single day we have to have time to rest.

We have to have time to God.

I mean, that's what Jesus did, right?

He separated from all the stuff during the day and he went into the wilderness or he went by himself or whatever it was.

So that's the example we're given.

And I think you're right.

Too many of us don't set boundaries or we continue to say yes to too many things and wonder why we're exhausted and depleted.

But it's because we have to not just set boundaries, but we have to also say, like, this might be a good thing, a good endeavor or a good opportunity, you know, but it's like at some point, it's like, is this still the season to keep doing the thing?

Right.

Even volunteering?

It's like, I have had friends who, they volunteered for so long in a certain position, but they were exhausted and worn out, worn out and frustrated by the environment.

And at some point I'm like, well, maybe it's time to pause that for now.

Or.

Yeah, right.

And so in other words, I think sometimes out of obligation or guilt or whatever.

Yeah.

Doing things when really it's not for us to keep doing.

I love.

Oh, go ahead.

That's a good point.

Because I know a couple of my friends, they have so much guilt, like the teacher, Italian Catholic guilt.

And I'm just like, let it go.

God died on Jesus died on the cross for you not to have that guilt.

Why are you still harboring that and carrying it around?

And also, I think a lot of people are so worried what the other person's gonna say.

Oh, whatever their feelings, if I say no, who cares?

I'm sorry, you come first.

There's no looking out for you.

Except for you and God.

You gotta take care of yourself.

And I'm not saying be mean or cold hearted.

I'm just saying don't have to say yes all the time.

And you don't need to worry what anyone else thinks.

Who cares?

Do you?

That's just how I want to do you.

I love that.

Yeah, no, it's true.

And before we started recording, I even told you that is I'm.

I can.

Don't get me wrong, like, I'm pretty easygoing, but I can be feisty.

But when it comes to certain topics, I'm.

I'm still working on fully speaking my truth.

And the reason is because of the environment we currently live in.

So since COVID Right.

Whether it's medical opinions or freedom political, I have.

I know exactly where I stand on everything.

But because I have some people around me, right.

Family or, or because of the environment, right.

Online or whatever, I am very careful not to talk about it a lot.

And it's not because I'm something that isn't true, it's that I just hold back whether right or wrong.

The point is, is it's because it didn't feel safe, right.

It wasn't in some cases.

And so, so whether it's somebody that's relate or friends or it's other things, for me it was these other topics.

Right.

And it, but it didn't really happen until the last couple years.

And so that's still something like I have another podcast.

I've only done, I don't know, five or eight episodes for it, but it's a, you know, a health related, more health related podcasts.

But you know, my hope is to talk about some of the things that for a long time I didn't feel like I could talk about.

Right.

With experts.

But it's because I just, I would dig in to all the information.

But it's the same thing where we do have to be able to not have guilt, not feel afraid or shame and just be okay with what we know to be what we believe, whether that's our faith or something else.

And that can be hard for us even as Christians.

Right.

How many times are people attacked for your faith, whatever your faith is.

And so once again, it's not that we have to shout from the mountaintops constantly, but we should also not feel like we can't speak openly.

No, I agree and I think we do.

As Christians, we need to be bold in Jesus and be bold in our faith, whatever that pertains to politics, health.

I mean, I'm very outspoken.

I mean not so much on my podcast you yet, but there's a lot of people that I want to have on.

Personally, I love everything that RFK Jr. Is doing.

I'm very much into the health field with them.

We have a lot of issues in my family with health and I, I know so much that I'm like, although I'm not a health expert, I'm an expert in the sense that I've been so ingrained in it and I'm like, you know what, I need to speak my truth now because I think a lot of people in this world don't have God and they need people like us to speak up and be bold and not only with our faith but with our beliefs that we also know are aligned with God as Well, so we're not straying that far from our beliefs as Christians.

I think we just need to be bolder and speak our truth, because if we don't, who's going to, like.

Do you know what I'm saying?

I agree with you.

Yeah, I agree.

And I think part of it is just the.

Is being careful in the environment.

Like, I have to.

I have to stay off.

Like, I just.

Even this week, I went on Facebook a couple of times.

I wasn't even on for a minute.

I had to get the heck out of there because I'm like, it's awful.

It's just.

I don't.

I'm never on it anymore because it's awful.

I'm only on TikTok and Instagram.

Facebook is the worst between you and me, but.

Well, no, it is.

And that's why, I don't know, I barely.

I go on there for a minute to kind of check some things or one.

One or two groups I'm still in, and that's it.

I don't even post on there.

If I post on there, it's because it comes from Instagram most of the time.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

But my point is, is partly.

I just know that it means I need to get around more people in these spaces.

Like, my girlfriends realign.

Like, that's not.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

It's.

It's more that I'm.

It's the people that I'm afraid I don't want to, you know, like family member, you know, people like that, where I'm just trying to be respectful and cautious, I guess you could say.

But that's not saying that's the right thing.

I'm still working on.

Yeah.

Speaking my voice in a bolder way as well, is what I'm saying.

Right.

And you will.

You'll get there.

I mean, it took me a while, but right now I'm like, I'm done being silenced and censored.

And on my personal page, I post what I want, when I want, and that's why I'm shadow banned all the time.

But I.

At the end of the day, what I care most about is the truth.

I just want the truth to come out.

And so, like, when God gave me that verse, you know, I'm the way, the truth and the life that resonated with me.

And that applies to so many things in this world as well, especially truth.

The truth is what I care most about.

Absolutely.

So why don't you share with us if you could say one or two things to the listeners Just about what you've been through, what you're now experiencing, you know, what you see, how you see God moving in your life and you know he's going to, you know, like, do in your future.

I mean, not exactly, but what would you just want to share?

Well, one thing I will share is that I know it sounds easy to say, oh, let go and let God and surrender all and just God will take care of it.

Easier said than done.

That is something that I feel like over the past year he's really been working with me on to really surrender and let go of the control and the fear and anxiety because I worry about the future.

Like, I mean, my brain can go to some really dark places and it's nonsensical because it hasn't happened yet.

But because the way my neurodivergent brain is wired, I had to do a lot of extra work with some actual therapist and whatnot to almost like rewire my brain.

Because my brain, while I do feel like I'm very smart and God gave me a very sharp brain, my brain also can get me into a lot of trouble because I can go down the dark path of worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, and it's exhausting.

And so one thing I feel like he's really kind of teaching me and reminding me is to let go and let God and know that everything's going to work out in three years.

You know, you're going to have enough money, you know, you're going to meet your person.

And I, even though I don't know how I'm going to get there sometimes because I'm like, I'm doing this podcast, doesn't make any money yet, but I know God's going to bless it.

Like, I know it, but it's hard to believe it on the day to day.

So that for me is something.

I'm on a daily basis really trying to apply and work and see God's hand in my life.

So that's something.

And again, I do that daily by reading my Bible, putting on my full armor and just changing the way I think in the morning.

And like today I was like, kind of bummed.

Today I'm like, why are you even upset today?

What is going on?

I don't know.

The enemy's trying to attack me and I even just had to say a prayer.

God, renew my mind.

I don't want to feel this depression.

Devil be gone.

And like, I felt better within five minutes.

Like, so I think, go.

We're all going to be grappling with what have you?

Do I divorce this person?

Do I stay married?

I would just say, at the end of the day, get right with God.

Speak to him.

He wants to hear from you.

I talk to him all day.

I'm not like an overly Christian person sometimes I don't speak biblically the way certain podcasters do, but I think that's how I am, and maybe that's the way God wants to use me to reach people.

So I'm not off putting.

I'm not talking like I'm reading the Bible, because some people can be intimidated by that.

And I'm not perfect.

I'm just forgiven.

So that's something I feel like I actively work on and really trying to surrender and trust in God that He has me and he will take care of me.

He always provides.

And the ironic thing is, I know he does.

I see it in my family, I see my parents.

But yet why can't I believe that he'll do that for me?

Like, do you know what I'm saying?

There's a weird disconnect there.

Absolutely.

Trying so hard to overcome it.

And I'm doing pretty good.

I'm much better over the past few months, but I still have moments where I'm like, oh, my God, what am I doing?

How am I going to make money?

You know, all of that.

All of that.

I know your brain, it's.

It's exhausting.

It is, yeah.

I absolutely connect and relate to all of that.

And it's true.

And when you're saying the surrender thing, I think I don't remember the exact quote, but basically it's that.

That we have to start realizing that God's not asking us to do more, to work harder.

That doesn't work.

He's asking us to surrender more and then he can show up.

Right.

And I'm the same.

I have to.

I mean, some days, you know, it feels like, oh, I don't.

You know, I'm not crazy hustling like that.

But what I'm saying is I have to remind myself, like you said, because sometimes comments will be made like, oh, well, are you gonna get a corporate job again and pay.

You know, like.

Like, they'll.

Because I'm doing the, like, my own stuff and because I'm not, to your point, like, up here doing certain at this point yet.

Right.

Because I'm still finding my way.

I'm still figuring it out.

Yeah.

But, you know, but then I.

Then I'll doubt myself.

Right.

Or I'll doubt.

Yes.

Oh, you know, and.

But it is it's partly the enemy, and it's partly because people don't understand what we're being called to do.

Right.

And so, absolutely, you know, it can be a.

A struggle, and we just have to keep knowing that we're.

We're showing up and doing the work we're asked to do.

But it's on his timeline, not ours.

And, you know.

Exactly.

It doesn't mean we don't have to.

Still pay bills, but.

I mean.

No, exactly.

But I also think that's part of what this world is like, because you see everyone doing this, this and that.

Oh, I should go do that.

I have to do this now.

It's not a race.

We don't need to compare ourselves to anybody else out there.

What we're doing is different.

What you're doing is different than what I'm doing.

We all have a different purpose.

And I'm all about God.

Just use me.

Whatever you need me to do.

Open the doors, bring the right people in.

I will walk through them.

But, you know, it is.

You're right.

It's a daily battle.

It's a struggle.

We're human.

We're also human.

And he knows that, you know, so.

Yeah.

And one thing I want to touch on, then I'll ask you the last question.

But when you said, look, I've been there too, you know, where over the years, the last couple of years, like, plenty of heaviness has been on so many of us in the world, in our own country.

And, you know, I was the same.

Like, I could go down the rabbit holes.

Good or bad, it didn't matter.

But I could, like you said, have worry or concern.

I could, you know, or, like, go on it 20 times, you know, and.

But I had to finally be like, this is not this right pattern is not healthy.

And I had to really go to God and be like, I need you to take this from me.

Like, I can still do it, learn information.

I can still.

But I can't let it weigh on me, right?

Like, I can't.

I can educate myself, but I can't let you hold this, all right?

I can't hold all this.

And then one of my sons, early 20s, but when he was in college, he struck.

He came home because of depression and suicidal thoughts.

And to be honest with you, for over two years, every day, I would.

I would wake up and be like, thank God I heard all the kids.

Like, seriously, like, I was worried, you know, like, would.

Would something happen, right, to one of my kids?

Because since Coven, you know, just.

It really hit a lot of adults and kids really different.

And.

Oh, all the other stuff.

Right.

Like, they weren't very.

All the things.

And to my point, though, is I've been there where it's like, every day.

Not all day long, but every day I was consumed with thoughts that were helpful.

Yeah.

And I had to really just keep taking that to God and be like, I can't change it.

Like, I can do things.

I can pray, which I did a lot of.

And there was a lot of God's movement in there, in grace.

I'm certain of that.

Right.

Like, but the point is, is I. I had to keep.

Like you said, I had to keep doing the work.

I had to keep praying and being like, I need you to take that from me because I can't fix this.

And it just is crushing me.

Right.

Like, absolutely.

Because I can't.

I can't know the outcomes of any of anyone's life.

And I can pray for, you know, healing and all the things, but I can't really.

I can't change.

I can't.

I don't know what the future is.

Right.

And none of us.

So I only say that for anyone that, you know, like you said, is walking through anything.

We all are walking through something, you know, and.

But by talking about it, we help.

Like, I actually talked about it a lot.

Not specifics when I meet people or on the podcast.

But it's because it's not my story.

But it is.

Right.

The reason is, is because other parents or other people need to know that if we talk about it, that's how we learn things or get help or know that we're not alone.

Right.

And so just like you talking about walking through divorce and a narcissistic partner.

And so when we talk about these things, we bring the light in.

Right.

And when we do that, God has a way to work.

Right.

Or a better way to work.

So, yeah.

And I also think what we talk about, because I think at the bottom of the crosswell as this really fear.

Like, fear that's absolutely the world and all this dark energy.

And you realize that literally the word is like, fear not or do not fear is in the Bible 365 times.

That's one for every day.

So every day God is telling you, do not fear.

And so, like, sometimes you just need that message to, like, snap you out and be like, all right, I'm gonna let it go.

I'm not gonna fear.

God's got it.

I have to let go.

I pray over my niece who has some Behavioral issues.

And I'm like, I can't help her.

I can love her and be there for her, and I pray for her every day.

And I know God's gone, so I just.

I let go and let God.

I mean, but it's so funny.

I can do that with other people, but somehow I can't do that for myself.

It's harder when it's, you know yourself absolutely well.

That's always true with everything, right?

It's like you can.

Exactly.

You can probably plan any of it.

For everyone else, but when it's your own, I'm sure you could still do it, and it would be amazing.

So stressful.

It's different, right?

It's kind of like if you're a doctor, it's harder to deal with your own self as the patient than it is dealing with everyone else.

Okay, so last thing.

What would you say?

What's just fueling you up now?

Whether it's something you're doing in your life, whether it's a quote, scripture, some fun activity, anything.

Well, actually, I leave this Saturday for my annual vacation to Block Island.

We go with my family, my sisters, my nieces, and it's.

There's something about Black island that's very magical for us.

We've been going for almost 20 years, so I really look forward to that every year.

And I've been going now for three years single, so I feel like for me, it's.

I'm always, like, a little sad, but I'm also very excited because you never know who I'm going to be.

I'm always trying to put myself out there, so I'm excited for that.

But I'm also really excited for sort of, like, my future with my podcast and what I'm doing.

I'm looking forward to kind of putting myself out there more, doing some speaking opportunities, doing more podcasts, such as yours being the guest, and just sharing my story and then seeing where God takes me with that.

So that's kind of like, things I'm really immediately looking forward to vacation and really just, you know, after vacation, just doing more work with my podcast to grow it and build it.

And I've only been doing this for three months, so I launched in April.

It's been three months.

I already have, like, 16 interviews booked, so it's, like, going really well, and I love it.

I'm just now excited for, like, what's next, you know?

Okay, I figured this out, but what else.

What else do you have in store for me?

So I love it.

All right, can you share with people how they can find your podcast and all that good stuff.

Sure.

So my website is second actsessions.com everything is on there, all my social links and all my actual podcasts.

But I'm on Instagram, Tick tock, Facebook.

Everything's just second accessions.

So you can find me, look me up.

My podcast is on Apple, Spotify video form is on YouTube as well.

I think I'm on iheart everywhere else that Buzzsprout sends it out.

I'm everywhere.

So please, you know, I appreciate if you could come to any of the podcasts like subscribe, follow.

I'd really appreciate that as well.

I love it.

Well, thank you for coming on and joining us today, sharing your heart, sharing your story, your testimony, and just encouraging the listeners.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my pleasure.

Thank you all so much.

Thank you for having me.

I appreciate it.

Hey, and as we wrap up, I just wanted to share with you, if you haven't already, head on over to my website, KristinFitch.com to grab either the reignite your passion workbook so that you can really step into your second act, feeling purpose and passion and just reigniting that spark within you.

Or if you've already grabbed that, I also have a rewire your mind free download.

That's awesome.

It helps you switch from negative thoughts to more useful positive thoughts.

And I think it's five steps for how you can shift your mindset and shift your thoughts.

Because what we think impacts not only our life, it impacts our health and it impacts our relationships.

So go over to KristenFitch.com and go to the freebies page and you can grab either of those.

Also, did you know I work directly with with women that reach out to me or listen to my podcasts?

But if you're looking to be inspired and encouraged, you need someone to come alongside of you to guide you, to mentor you.

You just need a listener.

You need somebody that can help you get clear on something in your life or help you step up what's important to you and make those things a priority in your life.

Then head over to my website and I have a page all about the services and how you can work with me directly.

Thanks again for listening to the show and if you enjoyed today's episode, we would love it if you could take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple podcast because it helps our show get discovered by more people.