Guy Shahar: And you have a short exchange with someone, you know, maybe it's eye gazing or breathing or or you hold hands and just, you know, eye gaze a sort of gentle exchange where we can be with each other and be with each other from place of reverence, where men and women are coming together to honor each other, right? You know, I honor you as a woman, and the gifts that you bring, and you honor me as a man and the gifts that I bring. In the tantric tradition, it is the weaving of the masculine and feminine. That's what the that is, what that is the key to Bliss, right? The uniting of the masculine and feminine. And everything I saw in the world was just masculine and feminine, like this. Men suck, women suck, you know, like, and I was just like, This is so much better. This feels better for everyone. So I would attend these pujas, and I would have a beautiful connection with a woman. And then afterwards, I wanted to continue that connection. I'm like, what an amazing relationship we could have. If that first two minutes that we just had, just holding hands and looking into each other's eyes, like, Wouldn't that be amazing? Like, I could see the whole relationship. Hello,
Kate Harlow: my loves. Kate Harlow here for season three of the new truth podcast with Kate Harlow and friends. So excited to bring this episode to you. Just wanted to tell you a little bit about our guest today, as this is a very special, very potent episode, the first interview of season three. And really, it feels like it's setting the tone for where we're going. So season three, episode two, I have guy Shahar on the podcast, who is the founder and the head trainer of the tantra Institute. He's a coach, he's a speaker, he's a teacher. He developed a coaching certification, training through the tantra Institute, he's created something called Tantra speed dating, which is all over the world. I think Tantra speed date is the formal term, and it's in 70 cities around the world. There's, he's trained, I don't know, at this point, hundreds of coaches who are certified in the tantra method of how to build real intimacy and create pleasure and real connection amongst your conversations. Now, learning how to do how to create intimacy in this way is going to benefit all your relationships, not just romantic. So I highly encourage you to go seek out a Tantra speed dating place if you have one near you, and he helps couples have more intimacy, more connection, more pleasure. And this whole episode is how to create dating and relationships like their one big experiment. It is so such an epic, really powerful conversation. I'll have be having guy on again to go deeper into a conversation about men and the inside workings of men, which we've never done on the podcast. And my favorite part of the whole episode is that one of the heroin sisters from the reclamation community, which is my community that I've developed over the last many years, probably heard me talk about it many times. Her name is Danielle Jennings, and she is one of the heroin sisters who did the reclamation and had the most ginormous life transformation, and she'd already been on the path, but this was like a massive catalyst for her. And then she went and joined guys 90 day relationship experiment as a woman who went from hating being single and really being at war with herself to a woman who is deeply in love with herself, deeply in love with her life, and joined his 90 day relationship experiment program to practice dating and being in relationships. So she shares her whole story. She talks about working with both of us and what that was like, and it's just a really action packed, really important, powerful, long conversation. So I am so excited for you to hear this episode, as always, spread the word to all your gal pals. Also season three of the new truth podcast. Send a review. Put give me a five star review. Tell, tell us what you love about the podcast. Course, Catherine too. This is our podcast. All the episodes are always going to live there. Catherine's going to come back and visit every once in a while. But we would love to hear how much the podcast has changed your life, how it has impacted you, please share in a review. It means the world to us. It makes such a difference for how many women can find us who need to hear this message. And that's it. All right, enjoy the episode and let me know how it goes. Let me know how it lands. But so excited for you to dive into this one. Lots of love. Hello Guy and Danielle, welcome to the new truth podcast. Thank
Guy Shahar: you. Thank you. Hi guys. Hi Danielle.
Kate Harlow: I'm so excited about this episode in a way that I haven't been before, because, well, one we have a man here that's very rare. We don't have men here very often. Do we? Danielle,
Guy Shahar: I promise to behave well, maybe a little bit. I don't
Kate Harlow: even know. I can count. I think there's maybe two Mark groves. We've had a few times. We've only had maybe two or three men on the podcast before. So welcome to the woman sphere here on the new truth podcast. And. And also excited, because this is a hybrid situation. We have Danielle, who is a part of the new truth community. She's worked with Catherine before. She's worked with me in the reclamation, and she also is a super fan of guy in his current program, the relationship experiment, the 90 day relationship experiment. So having you here to sprinkle in your experience of guy's work and this topic in this conversation we're going to have today is just beyond epic. I this is I'm so excited, and already we've been talking, and guy and I are meeting for the first time today, and in our conversation already, everything that has come out of your mouth, I'm like, we should be recording. We should be recording. So it's going to be good. But welcome to the new truth, guy, I'm excited to have you here, and let's start with you wherever you want to start. Actually,
Guy Shahar: well, I was thinking about what you were saying when you were introduced, introducing me, I was feeling into the fact that that I'm one of the few guys that has been allowed on this program. So I feel, I feel very honored. And it's kind of ironic, because my whole journey started because I was just awful at relating to women. I just had no clue whatsoever how to relate to women at all other guys would make fun of me when I was younger and in my teen years and in my college years, and I kind of went on this journey to try to become like a ladies man, like, how do I? How do I become someone who's actually popular with women. How do I flip the script on my life and and there wasn't, you know, there wasn't really a lot of resource. I mean, you you have how people act in movies and stuff like that, but there wasn't a lot of resource for me to learn how so I devoted a lot of time to dating and getting really good at dating, because I said, Okay, if I want to learn to be good in my interactions with women, I need to interact with a lot of women in the same way that if I wanted to become a great tennis player, I would need to play tennis with many other tennis players and hopefully good tennis players, and kind of learn. But, you know, there wasn't an instructor. So I was like, okay, if I'm going to play tennis, I guess I'm going to need a racket. I don't know what that is or how to make one. And so I kind of went about this journey in a very trial and error way, mostly error, actually, it's mostly error, lots of trial, lots of error, not a lot of success. And so it's kind of ironic to me listening to you describe that, you know, I'm one of the few men that has been allowed into the girls room here, because it's the most ironic thing in the world, like, how did I end up here? You
Kate Harlow: know how I have the answer? I'm reading your coat. So if you can't see guy on video right now, he's wearing his relationship experiment coat, and under his name, Guy Shahar, the founder of the tantra Institute, says, relationship Alchemist. That's it, because you alchemized your relational skills. And here you are in a very important room of women here to share your alchemy journey. So what a perfect place to start.
Guy Shahar: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, the lab coat, I've definitely earned this lab coat,
Kate Harlow: and it's a lab coat. I didn't say that. It's epic. It's amazing because
Guy Shahar: the relationship it's an if the relationship experiment is an experiment, then then we need lab coats, right? Because stuff is going to blow up in your face.
Kate Harlow: Exactly, so true. So where? Okay, so you, I mean, I just love this. I even love the mindset, because today is all about mindset and relating. And you know, so many people are afraid to be in relationships, and people that are in relationships suck at being in relationships, people that are dating second dating, or they're sabotaging the relationship, and it's not your fault. We're all expected to be in relationship, and nobody gave us a manual. So when you were in that journey, like my favorite thing that you just shared is that you sucked at something. You were bad at something. And instead of just holding on to that story, which so many people do, I'm just bad at that thing. I'm not going to play tennis because I'm bad at it. You went out on a mission to get become a master at that thing.
Guy Shahar: Yes, which is amazing. It's funny because, because, again, you're like, Well, you went on this mission and, and that's what you decided to do. And it's like, well, I didn't really have much of a choice. You know, I was, I was made fun of by other men. And, you know, men can be very cruel to each other. You know, in very ways, I felt like, you know, like I was ostracized or made fun of. I was that guy. You. And that was really painful. And I just, I wanted to get out of that pain. So I was like, well, I'll show them. I'm going to become, like, the the best at women and, you know, like, and I started doing all the things that that I thought a man was supposed to do. Like, I started working out at the gym. I started doing martial arts. I was taking Tango classes. So I would kind of like get more experience in moving my body with a woman. I did a lot of things because, because I felt like I had to get away from how people were labeling me and telling me who I was and I wanted, and I wanted something different. I was also very lonely. It was very lonely to not attract women and not have them look at you and not have their attention. So I wanted, I was like, I was like, Well, you know what? I'm going to give this everything I have, and either it's going to work or I'm going to die trying. But, and it was very, a very painful experience. I did this for most of my 20s. And you know, I think I'm lucky because, you know, I think I was smart enough to figure out how to navigate the dating websites at the time, and we didn't have apps back then, so that I could have lots of dates, right? So that, okay, have lots of practice, right? And it's kind of like, you know, in in the 90 day, I show this video clip from, from the movie Groundhog Day, uh, where, boom, Bill Murray is going out with the Andy McDowell character, and all he wants in the world is to be with Andy McDowell with her character. And, you know, on Groundhog Day, he wakes up every day and it's the same day again, even if, like, he dies, he just wakes up the next day again. So it's the same day. And like, every time he goes out with the Andy McDowell character, like he gets slapped in the face at the end of the day, over and over and over and over again. And so I kind of felt like that was, that was my life. I would go out with one woman and have some sort of an experience, and then, okay, well, the next night, I'm going to go out with somebody else and try that and and, you know, and every experience was very different. And this also happened in New York City. So, so the women that I went out with were very diverse in terms of their backgrounds and their belief systems and things like that, and and I started to collect data about what worked and what didn't work for me, right? And I started to have experiences as these dates went on, where I was giving women pleasure and making them laugh, and they were starting to enjoy themselves. And in, in those moments, I'm like, Oh, that was interesting. I did this thing, and that really worked. That was really fun and and creative, and I enjoyed it, and she seemed to enjoy it, and and I started kind of learning these little lessons. And so, so then, what? What, what happened eventually, on my journey is, somewhere along the line, I discovered Tantra, and in the and I started studying Tantra and studying to become a Tantra teacher. Again, not because I wanted to be a teacher. I had a full time job, but I wanted to learn it for myself, you know. And I wanted to work on my own personal traumas, and really kind of like, get those out of my system, so that I can have more freedom in my life. And one of the things that that I did in the tantra training that I've done is is this thing called a puja, which is a in the way I did it. It was a circle of men, and then on the inside, a circle of women, and everybody faces a partner, and you have a short exchange with someone, you know, maybe it's eye gazing or breathing or or you hold hands and just, you know, eye gaze a sort of gentle exchange where we can be with each other and be with each other from a place of reverence, where men and women are coming together to honor each other, right? You know, I honor you as a woman and the gifts that you bring and you honor me as a man and the gifts that I bring. In the tantric tradition, it is the weaving of the masculine and feminine that's what that is, what that is the key to Bliss, right? The uniting of the masculine and feminine. And everything I saw in the world was just masculine and feminine, like this, men suck. Women suck, you know, like, and I was just like, This is so much better. This feels better for everyone. So, so I would attend these pujas, and I would have a beautiful connection with a woman. And then afterwards, I wanted to continue that connection. I'm like, what an amazing relationship we could have, if that first two minutes that we just had, just holding hands and looking into each other's eyes, like, Wouldn't that be amazing? Like I could see the whole relationship in in this woman's eyes that we would have. And I was like, and I wanted to ask her for her phone number, but then it kind of felt weird, like we just had this, you know, namaste. Thank you and and now I'm going to come and ask for a phone number. It didn't feel appropriate, so, so I'm
Kate Harlow: glad you didn't ask for her phone number. So
Guy Shahar: I decided, well, I want to create an event where men and women meet that way for the purpose of dating, like we're coming here explicitly because. We are single, we are interested in meeting, and then we can meet in this way and decide if we want to continue this beautiful connection and take it further. And that's how Tantra speed date was born. And then when I created Tantra speed date and I ran it as a beta test in New York, it was like I knew immediately, like I had touched on something because I saw how people looked in the room afterwards, like everybody's face was glowing. You know, people were happy, they felt relaxed, they felt peaceful and and one of the things that, one of the things that they said to me is that, is that their hope in dating was restored, and being able to meet in this way, particularly a woman said that to me and and before I knew it, people would hear about this event, and I would get phone calls, and somebody would say, hey, you know, I'm in San Francisco. Would you bring this event here? Like, where our people need this event here? And that's kind of how the event grew. So I was kind of going from city to city running this event. And again, just like the dates, I had the the good fortune of kind of organizing my travel in such a way that I was doing the event in a different city every night. That was the only way I could afford to do it. I can't go live somewhere for a week, and so I had to schedule things meticulously. And the benefit of that is that I would run an event in one city. I get feedback forms at the end of every event. I would read the feedback forms and see how people felt about it. I would make changes to the script for the event, go to the next city, try it again and see okay. Now I made these changes. Am I still getting the same feedback from before, or did I resolve whatever that person's issue was, right? Just like you did with dating. Yes, exactly, exactly every time I ran the event, was a little experiment for me, and how can I make it so that so much more people can have access to this event by addressing everybody's concern and trying to find a way to make it more universal, which is kind of not, not unsimilar to my work as a screenwriter. When I was creating films, I was
Kate Harlow: going to ask you, is that what you were doing before? That's what your other job was? Yeah. So
Guy Shahar: you would write a script, and then, you know, actors would come in, and they would audition, and every actor would say the words in a different way, and you'd be like, Oh, I didn't even know that this character could be so compassionate, or I didn't know that this character had this or had that, and you would kind of see how other people are reading into your script, and then you would use that to make adjustments and in some ways, to even learn more about the character that you were creating. And so that process of being able to do an event every night and continually iterate and refine was something that helped help the event grow and become a better event. And then, and then more and more people wanted me to bring it to their cities and and I was like, Okay, well, there's one of me and, and somebody gave me the idea, you know, guy, you should train other people to run this event. And I thought, Okay, well, that's, that's a good idea. And so I started training people, and then that become, became our facilitator training program. And all of that started in 2017 with the first event. And today, in the beginning of 2025 we are we've run the event, I believe, over 1300 times. There are over 50 trained facilitators running it in, I think, up to 70 cities right now, all over the world, in different countries and and that wasn't my intention, that just kind of like grew. And then, of course, people, when they attended this, they said, Okay, well, we I had a really lovely first date with this person, and we're going to have a second date. But now, how do I how do I build on this, this way of meeting and honor and reverence? How do I keep that going? And somewhere along the line in 2022 I had this wild idea that maybe instead of a two to three minute interaction, we could give people a seven day relationship and hold the space for them to have a seven day relationship with a conscious beginning activities that they do with dating coaching in the middle, and then a breaking upwards, which is a conscious way to uncouple the relationship so that, so that you can have sort of like a iterative experience of, okay, we set intentions, we did things, we broke up new relationships. Set intentions, do things break up, right? And evaluating those relationships, so that that same model of iterate to get better at something was something that people had access to. And when I came to the team, and I said, Listen, guys, i Because, you know, I have some of the best dating coaches in the world. I'm very lucky some of my facilitators that have run this event, like we have witnessed so many people try to mate and and so I have very skilled dating coaches. I came to them, I said, Guys, look, I have this wild idea. And they already know by now that when I start something by saying I have this crazy idea, they're like, Uh oh, we might have to tell guy this. You've gone too far or so. So I told them. I said, Look, this is either going to be the dumbest thing anyone has ever attempted you. Uh, or it's going to be brilliant, and it's going to bring people a lot of transformation. And I said, I'm willing to roll the dice. Are you with me? And they said, Absolutely, and, and now eight cohorts later, we are still running strong, and people are having such powerful experiences in this program. So that's a little bit of my journey. That's, that's how I earned the lab coat
Kate Harlow: this. I mean, it's funny that you just said brilliant, because that as you were describing it, I was like, This is so fucking brilliant. Every human on planet Earth needs to take this program, and it needs to be in the school systems, like kids need to learn. Teenagers need to learn how to relate. Nobody. I mean, even the skills that you learn inside of this relationship container that's designed for romantic relationships translates into all relationships. Everyone's out there trying to relate to each other. Relationships is really all we have. Like life is just relationships, and most people have no idea how to relate. So like, I mean, I obviously have heard Danielle. That's why Danielle's here. Heard Danielle rave about this program since she met you. And I mean, just hearing you describe it, it just took it to the next level. I I've already felt the frequency of it, but the This is fucking brilliant, and everybody needs this. You need to learn how to be in relationship. And so many people are in so much pain, and we're fed. I mean, this entire podcast started with a devotion to waking women up out of the fairy tale fantasy of love of it you're it's really high in the beginning and then, and which is usually just a projection of a fantasy onto someone, not real connection, and then they crash into blaming the person for their pain and not getting the thing they want. And and we've really reframed relationships and empowered women to learn how to be in relationship with themselves, so that they're loving from a different place within themselves. That's what this whole podcast started as and stands for, and that's this, is it like learning how to actually be in relationship? Oh my god. Wow. Thank you for sharing. And one thing that I love and Danielle, we're going to bring you in in a sec. One thing that I love is just also talking about purpose and the divinity of our life's purpose and our soul's work in the world. How the interconnectedness of all of it, even your screenplay writing, I was so curious when you said, you know, I had another job, but I was just doing this for fun on the side and following this truth over here. And I love how interconnected your other job was to this, and it was all a part of the web of what you were creating. Wow, are you gonna do a docu series or, like, a TV series or something based on this?
Guy Shahar: We've talked about it. Yeah, there have been companies that have approached us. Yeah, I don't know if we're quite ready to do that yet, but maybe now that we've reached season eight, like it took a while to kind of set the program and understand what it is, because it was an experiment. But now that we've gotten to season eight, we pretty much have it dialed in, and we know how to create this journey. It's really, it really is like a like a movie, like there's an arc to it, and people have highs and lows, and it's kind of a roller coaster. And we've gotten really good at how we've designed it so that people have the right amount of support, the right amount of surprise, the the right amount of sharp, sharp corners and tools to navigate those. Yeah,
Kate Harlow: this is like a conscious reality TV show, for sure. I mean, I see it that for sure, that feels like a download. So, but so before, before I go to you, Danielle, I just want to explain, or like, sum this up. So this is a program where you practice so Catherine and I on every episode, when we talk about relationships, it's all about when you're dating, stop looking at as dating, and look at it as connecting, and use it as an opportunity to practice getting to know yourself, getting to know like everything you described on your dating journey of awakening to what worked for you. That's what dating is. Is an opportunity, and relationships are an always an opportunity to grow and learn and evolve more and more, every challenge, every every person, every relationship we have, even if it's a really short one or a long one, or anything in between. So Miss Danielle. Danielle Jennings is a legend, and she's she's the super fan of all the mentors that have support, and probably all the people you love in your life, but all the mentors who've supported her in her life, and I've been hearing so much about guy from you, Danielle, came with me on the reclamation journey in 2021
Danielle Jennings: 2022 2022
Kate Harlow: 2022 so yeah, love to hear your story. About, yeah, where you started, and how you were feeling about yourself. Like, just imagine all the women listening who are maybe in a lot of pain around dating and relationships, and just take us there, first to who you were then and your journey, and then who you who you are now, and where you're at in your life now. And then we'll come back to you, guy.
Danielle Jennings: Well, hopefully you can hear me with this microphone. Okay, I am having, I'm almost having an out of body experience watching the two of you interact with each other. I have to say that first, because this is my these are my worlds colliding like these, these incredible bodies of work that I've done around self love, dating relationships, improving my life. And it's, it's like, all coming to this is very full circle for me, the fact that we're even doing this, and that the two of you have met, I'm like, my heart is bursting that we're having this conversation. And then I get to that, I get to share how both of you have impacted my life in a way that I almost can't put into words, but I'm gonna try. It's funny. So if you were to look around my desk right now, I have journals, I needed to prop up this microphone on something, and I actually propped it up on journals that I've used an unintentional but it's perfect, because this is like my story, literally propping up this mic to have this conversation. And one of the journals that I'm looking at in front of me is from working with Katherine one on one in 2020 starting to learn about what self love really meant, and how to actually start loving and caring for myself. And I was in deep, deep pain in 2020 and before that, and working with Katherine led me to working with you, Kate in 2022 and I was deeply devastated around being single. I had so much shame and so much pain around being a single woman and this idea that I wasn't doing life right if I didn't have a man that I wasn't going to be successful or happy if I didn't have a partner, and why is everyone pairing off except for me? Why am I the only single one at this table? Why am I the one that's still not married and still don't doesn't have a family? Because my worth and my value is dependent on whether or not I have a partner in my life is what I believed, and working with Katherine, that started to unravel some of that story, and then joining the reclamation, I didn't know. I didn't know what it meant to actually fall in love with myself, and I didn't believe that I was worthy of healthy relationship, and I also didn't believe that I could have a happy life with or without relationship, and I joined the reclamation in 2022 and I've said this before, that that program was like an exorcism for me. It it liberated me from this idea that I was nothing unless I was partnered and completely shifted my my life, and I actually started to love living my life for me, and I never thought I could have that it was, I need to find the right man, and then I will love my life. And this was, Oh, I've actually found all of these beautiful ways to bring myself, all of this love, joy, excitement, pleasure, adventure that I'm actually looking for out there. It's already in here, and started living from that place. And I know Kate, I know you've told this story before, guy, I might have shared it with you, but when I was in the reclamation that year, I had three weddings to go to in three consecutive back to back weddings, I was a bridesmaid in all of them, and I had this story, always the bridesmaid, never the bride, story, and because of working with Kate, and because of the reclamation, I actually fully came home to myself and started to feel really at home and at peace with my life and where I was, and I was standing up at the altar watching my friend get married and feeling so much love and joy because I had done all of this work around loving my life without a partner, and the officiant was saying the wedding vows to the couple, and I had this experience. Where I actually could see myself standing in front of myself and repeating the wedding vows to me and I married myself basically at my friend's wedding, and tears started streaming down my face. I was having like a complete spiritual experience. People that were looking at me probably thought I was crying because of everyone cries at weddings, the couple, it's, you know, the happily ever after story. And I was living my own, oh, my God, I am actually the person that I've been looking for my whole life and devoted myself to myself through these wedding vows that have now become the foundation for every single day of my life is, Oh, am I devoting myself to me today? How am I doing that? And it's changed everything. It's changed every I think everyone should marry themselves,
Kate Harlow: agreed, and we'll create a program
Danielle Jennings: and and that, yes, yes, you know, I want to do that. And so having this, this liberation from the idea that I had to have a partner in order to be happy, I was just happy. And I remember getting on the phone with a friend, and I was gushing, and I was giddy. And he's like, Who's the guy? And I'm like, What are you talking about? And he was like, you've met someone. You sound like a giddy little teenager. And I was like, No, I'm just happy. Like, there is no guy. I'm just happy in my life. And I never had that before. I never had that before the reclamation, and that Reclamation and the reclaiming of my life for me, took the focus off of needing to find a partnership to be whole. And I still wanted a partnership. I still wanted to learn how to relate to men in a new way. And I remember Katherine talking about, what does a healthy man look like? What is a conscious man. What is it like to interact and to date and to be seen and loved and known by a conscious, healthy man who's working on himself and wants the best for himself and you, and also has a foundation of healthy love within himself? And I thought that was a complete fantasy. I'm like, There's no way that that exists. And when I found the 90 day relationship experiment, I had done this foundational work of really coming home to myself and loving my life in a way that I never had, and I thought I wonder how I can take this work that I've done on me, and see now from this lens, how do I relate to men, and how do I relate to dating? And how can I rewrite this story that there are no good men, or the story that, oh, that exists for other people and not for me? And that's what led me to this experiment, which I've now done three times. I love it so much,
Kate Harlow: I want to know how you felt, like the part of your story. Back up a little bit. How did you find it? Or how did it find you?
Danielle Jennings: So I had actually discovered guy's co founder, Lauren Harkness, on Facebook, she was offering a an erotic sovereignty program for women, and I ended up joining a preview of that program because I felt like it complemented the work around self love. And it was through meeting her that I started getting emails from the tantra Institute, and I was getting emails about this 90 day relationship experiment, and I had no idea what it was, and I remember talking to some of my reclamation sisters and saying, there's this program. I don't really know what it is. And I just had this feeling that it was something that that I wanted to try, that sounded incredible and different. I'm pretty sure, I joined an informational call to learn more about it, and I signed up for the program four hours before they started in in 2023 in the spring of 2023 I had so much fear. I had I had a million questions for guy. I wanted, you know. I wanted to control the outcome. I wanted to know every little piece of logistical information. And I had all of these excuses coming in about why I shouldn't do it. It wasn't the right time. And then something just came through me, and I said, I have to try this. I don't know what's going to come of it, but I have to try this. I signed up, and I've now done this three times. And guy knows I'm in love with this program. I'm in love with you, I'm in love with this work. And it's changed. It changed everything. It took what I had done in their. Acclamation to a whole other level,
Kate Harlow: and then tell the whole story. And
Danielle Jennings: then the whole story, maybe
Kate Harlow: just like take us through each round, what you got from each round, and then to where you are now.
Danielle Jennings: So the first round of the program, one of the first things that I learned with this experimental relationship was that healthy men want to show up for me, I actually didn't believe that before and guy can talk more about the structure of the program, but I was in a practice seven day relationship with a man who was traveling in another country at the time of our seven days, and he got up at five o'clock in the morning to have a zoom call with me. And I remember noticing some of my patterns, because that's the whole point of this program was to notice, oh, how do I show up in relationship, and what are my patterns? And I noticed my co dependency in trying to tell this man, you don't have to get up early to talk to me. We can schedule it for a time that works for you. And I remember this man saying to me, I want to get up early. You're worth getting up for. I want to have this conversation with you. This is my choice, and I remember sharing that with Catherine at the beginning of the program and saying, This man actually wants to show up for me, and if I let go of trying to manage and control the situation, I can actually just allow him to be a grown man and decide that he wants to connect with me, and that was one of the first major lessons of the program, was healthy men want to show up and and I get to have this experience With a healthy man who wants to learn relationship skills. So that was the first, the first big revelation. There's so many. I mean, there's so many I'm trying to pull out, like the biggest lessons. But breaking upwards, what guy calls breaking upwards in the program, completely shifted my my idea of what it means to end a relationship, and that was a big takeaway of this relationship can end, and it can end in a loving way where we honor each other, which completely shifted my Fear of dating, of what if it doesn't work out, and then actually learning if it doesn't work out, it can be for my highest good, and we can actually take away the beautiful things that we learned about ourselves and each other through this experience, and then, like guy said, take it into the next relationship or the Next dating experience with a different mindset, instead of pain and shame and anger and resentment like those things just didn't exist in this experiment. For me,
Kate Harlow: Wow, amazing. I think let's save the end of your story till after guy has told us more about the actual program, the structure and the tools. But but keep going with this part, like go through each one, but we'll save the very end of your story for later. Not that it's the end of your story, but the end of your current story.
Danielle Jennings: Yeah, no, I know what you mean, yeah. I i learned a lot about myself by going through these experimental relationships with other people, and they're not all romantic. You get to practice different types of relationships. You get to practice friendships. You get to practice brotherhood and sisterhood. There are incredibly skilled, amazing relationship coaches that are guiding you through the 90 days that you're in this program and when tough things come up, because they definitely do, because all of our shit comes up in relationships, there's a safe place to practice. So I was able to learn, okay, I got triggered with this person when they said this thing. What does that? What does that mean for me, can we talk about it? Can I actually share with this person? Because it's, there's no risk. There's no risk. It was like, here's a safe place to practice and there's no risk involved. Like, this is a this is a place where we get to play. It's almost like put people in the sandbox and and practice relationships without feeling like, if it doesn't work out, it's going to be the end of everything, or, you know what I'm saying, like there was, it was a zero risk safe place to practice these skills. And so through each practice relationship, virtual and in person. In I learned so much about myself. I learned so much about what it means to be in a healthy relationship and to and to take the work from the reclamation and notice, oh, my saboteur is showing up as I relate to this person. What does that mean for me? Or how do I step more into my true self so that I can have a healthy relationship with the person in front of me. So it really it just got better every time. And I I repeated this program because it was so good every time, and I just wanted to go deeper in the relationship with myself and and one other quick story that I'll share. That guy shares now is that my very first seven day relationship, when I went into the Zoom Room to find out who that person was going to be in the first seven days, I ended up in a Zoom Room by myself because my partner wasn't there on the call at the time. And it was so perfect. It was like the reclamation, showing up and being in a Zoom Room with me and saying, Oh, I'm actually here to be in a deeper relationship with myself and then see what grows from that with another person. So it was, it was, it was perfect, amazing,
Kate Harlow: oh my gosh, amazing thing I've ever done. And it's so cool hearing you talk about it and then now, but we'll bring it back to you. Guy, I want to hear you talk if you can share some of the like techniques and tools side of like the design of the program, Guy and any other other people's stories that you want to weave in, but it just feels like, I mean, I can feel the, obviously, I've already said it, but the the importance of this work for people of being able to just practice and even like, sometimes you're attracted, sometimes you're not, but there's still a gift and a Lesson in all of it. So guy bringing it back to you, tell us about the relationship experiment.
Guy Shahar: Yeah, that's a very beautiful and touching moment that Danielle is talking about. And I remember that because, you know, she, she came out of the breakout room, and everybody comes back into the main room and and and to hear her talk about what meaning having been in a in a room by herself, she did have a partner, he just wasn't on the call in that moment, and the meaning that she made out of it, about learning to love herself like myself and the dating coach team, we're just kind of looked at each other like, whoa, whoa. This is, this is powerful stuff, powerful, really powerful opportunities that we are creating for people to make new meaning in their lives about what dating is. So to answer your question about the structure of the program, we divide the 90 days into like three parts, the first 30, the second 30, in the last 30 days. So in the first 30 days, you go on a lot of two to three minute dates with various people. So you can start to get to know for you, you'd start to get to know the men in the program, right? You'd have little experiences with them. The dates are very much like the dates that you would have a Tantra speed date, where there is a skill that we teach you, we demonstrate how to use this skill, how to practice it. Then you go into a room with somebody you haven't met before, and you practice together. And so you're having this date, you're learning about each other, and you're practicing a skill that's going to serve you in relationship. It's really efficient experience and and so you do that in the first 30 days, because you're learning the tools and the skills that we're going to build on so that we can use our relationship. You're learning about things like attraction, you're learning about things like polarity. You're learning about things like desire, right, which has been tamped down on in our culture, and especially for women. Women's desire has been so tamped down. So really important to learn how to engage and connect with some of these concepts that are really, really going to serve you and are necessary to create a healthy relationship. So there's a learning and there's a dating, and people get to know each other a little bit better. That's the first 30 days. Second 30 days. This is where we get into the relationships. This is where we are going to teach you our relationship iteration process. And that is the three step process of here's how you create a container for your relationship and share your intentions and all these other things that you're going to do, and you actually create an agreement together. It's called a relationship container agreement, or RCA. You create that together to define your relationship. Then you have seven Can
Kate Harlow: I pause you for a sec if you're in a relationship, write that down. You should do that inside of your like, how beautiful is that? A relationship? Agreement. Oh my gosh. Every couple should have that. And I imagine that you keep renewing, and you keep, like, refining as you go, yes, that's epic.
Guy Shahar: So the idea is that this process of, we create it, we do activities, and then at the end we have a breaking upwards, which, which Daniel talked about, which is, how do we bring this relationship to a healthy close, and not in a way where it's like, you suck. This sucks. I'm so glad I'm getting away from you, but but instead a hey, here's what I learned in this experience about myself, right here is a positive quality about the other person that I am celebrating in front of everyone, in front of the we do this together in front of everyone. I'm celebrating this person for this positive quality and what it elicited in me and what I learned about myself and what I learned about my needs. Because let me tell you, one of the things that we have committed to as the dating coaches of this program is that whatever we make you do we do so in the beginning, I told my partner, Maya, who's also one of our coaches, and I said to her, Look, we're we're going to do this program. I said, I want you and I to create an RCA. When the students create an RCA. And I wanted to do that, because I wanted to improve that tool by using the laboratory of our relationship of eight years as an experiment, right? And and the tools. So I was able to improve the tool by using the tool, and it also improved our relationship. So I was like, Oh, this is I did not. I thought we were, you know, we're coaches. We are already pretty good at this stuff, but using the tools actually improved our relationship. And can
Kate Harlow: you give us a side tangent I want to hear. I want to know how, like, what, what, what shifted from the so? So,
Guy Shahar: yeah. So a great example is you'll create a RCA with someone, and you'll say, Here's my intention for this relationship, or here's what I want to work on. Like I have a self confidence issue, my intention is I really want to work on that. I'd like you to support me in that so you can have a specific intention, right? Or you could say, Hey, I'm I'm a people pleaser, and I don't want to do that anymore. My intention is to learn how to let go of that and and really stand for my own desire and what I want. And your partner will say, great, I love that intention. Let me know how I can support you. And then you'll design activities and so that you can serve that intention. So one example is, I remember, when we did our first RCA, I listed certain things that that were my intention. I said, I want this. And then throughout the course of the relationship, as we were relating with each other, I realized that, okay, I said I wanted this, but that's not actually what I want. Now that we're in the relationship, I actually needed something different. And so that process coming to the end of the relationship and doing the breaking upwards and discovering, you know, because one of the things you do in the breaking upwards is you say, Okay, let me go back to my intention in the beginning, and now that we're at the end of our relationship, how did this relationship serve my intention? And I realized, well, the interesting thing for me is that the relationship didn't really serve my intention. Because once I set that intention, the way that it served that intention is it made me realize that that's not actually what I want you know. So it's such a very nuanced and individual experience that people go through. And the act of creating that and saying and making an agreement, this is why we're both here together and then reevaluating that at the end can be very powerful, and I'll tell you very vulnerably that, you know, after seven years of relationship, my partner and I were actually on the verge of breaking up. We couldn't tell anyone, because we're running this program, and we're supposed to be models of great relationship, but both of us wanted out of the relationship, and I was like, Oh man, how is this going to look, if we're running a program, and now we're going to break up and and look, if that happens, then we'll handle it, and we'll handle it in the authentic way, which is the only way I know how to do things so but what happened was we used one of the tools we have, another tool called the State of the Union, which is a way to evaluate how your relationship is working and discuss with your partner. Hey, here's what's working for me. Here's what's not working. Let's collaborate and figure out how to, how to, you know, like and you rate your your happiness in the relationship. Are you a three out of 10, a seven out of 10? Are you an eight out of 10? Oh, great. You're an eight out of 10. What would make it a 10? Right? So we use the State of the Union tool, and something shifted in our relationship. And when I say we were ready to break up, like she was planning, where is she going to live when she moves out, and like she was making all the real world arrangements on how she was going to leave this relationship, and I didn't want to be with her either. And we did this tool and something. Clicked and something shifted. And I will tell you I have never loved this woman more before in my life. Wow, Something opened in our relationship because we use the tools, because we stuck to that commitment of whatever the students do, we do, and it saved our relationship like I am 100% committed to this woman before, in a way I never was before, ever.
Kate Harlow: Wow. That is incredible. And I was even thinking when you were saying you when you're the fear of the like, what if we break up? It's like, then you're modeling what you're teaching, which is, it's not about the result, it's about the honesty of the relationship. And if that is where it goes, you break up words. So even if the story went that direction, it's still very much in my perspective, in alignment with what you teach and stand for. But how? What a testament to having really effective tools in relationship and how essential that is. Most people have no effing clue what they're doing and they're just doing they're just out there, floundering, sweeping things under the rug, miserable, you know, fantasizing about another life numbing out, or projecting all over their partner or leaving and everything in between, and how so much more is possible when you have the right support, the right community and the right tools. Wow, that is really, really cool. Thank you for sharing that story. Carry on. It's
Danielle Jennings: so good, isn't it? It's so good like this. So what I've been talking about
Kate Harlow: it's so good, like brilliant, is the word. It's just absolutely brilliant. Okay, so carry on. So that was the set, the offshoot of that one tool. And then we heard another tool you were describing the program. So let's go back to, oh
Guy Shahar: yes. So yeah. So we were in the second 30 days where you learned this relationship process, the three step process. And now I've described sort of like the creation, the State of the Union and the breaking upwards. So you have an idea of what that iterative relationship process is like. And and in that 30 days, you get three seven day relationships back to back in iteration. So you will set intention with someone, do activities, have a breaking upwards. Then the next week you have a new person. You set intentions, do activities break upwards, and then the week after that, another person set intentions, have activities and do your breaking upwards. So you can start to become more comfortable with this process of how to create a relationship. That's the middle 30 days, and that's also the time that we introduce our brotherhood and sisterhood groups. So what happens is also during the calls, in order to support people, during their relationships, we myself and the male facilitators will take the men into the men's group, and the female facilitators take the women into the women's group, and we do brotherhood and sisterhood groups, and we coach each other, because there are certain things that we have to say to the men that we can only say in private, and vice versa, right? And and so we do the brotherhood and sisterhood groups to support the the each gender and how to connect with the other gender. And that utilizes some of the principles on masculine and feminine polarity that come from Tantra and and other aspects. So they get, they get some real world help. And, and a man can say, you know, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm really having trouble in my relationship, you know, and she wants this, and I can't do that. And what do I this lovely man wants? She wants this, but I can't do it, and I don't know what to do. How do I do that? She, wants it, and I can't do it. And I was like, Okay, take a breath. We're gonna figure this out. So and then what we did is we started doing, I don't know if you were around for this one, Danielle, we started doing a flip where we asked. So all of it is desire based. So when we decide we want to do a new kind of thing, like an experiment with it. We asked them, Do you want this, right? So we told them, okay, look, we had a wild idea that when we do the brotherhood and sisterhood groups, we're going to have the men coach the women's group and the women coach the men's group. We're going to flip. And we were like, you know, do you guys want to do that? Or, do you or do you know, like, like, do the women want to go just with the women and like, do you want to do that? Do you want that? Do you want to do the flip, or do you want to do it the normal way? And everybody, we did a poll, and the majority of people are like, no, we want to do this flip thing. So we did the flip, and they loved it. They loved it. They absolutely loved it. So, so all of these things that we do, when we come up with a different way to do it, it's, it's, they decide, like, here's the idea, do you want to do it? Yes or no. And it really is a lot about discovering your sovereignty. So yeah, so that's the middle 30 days. And then the last 30 days is now you've been in the program for two months. You know pretty much everybody, because you've either been in a relationship. With them, or you've heard them talk about their relationship with somebody else, and vice versa. You've gotten to know all the dating coaches, and you've gotten to trust us and learn from us. And so the last 30 days, there is an in person gathering in New York City, and sometimes in other cities as well. Again, if people have a desire and they want to organize one where we get together and do a puja with the the men in one circle and the women in another circle, so we can and connect in person, which is really very lovely, because people, if they're not here, they fly in, and often they'll make a whole weekend out of it, and they'll go to dinner and together and you know, they'll gather together and have dinner or go to a show, or they'll get an Airbnb together. It's a really exciting thing to do. And the main aspect of the of that is that after the in person gathering, we have a 21 day relationship. So, and what happens is this relationship can be random, like you either get paired up with someone, or you can mutually choose each other because you've gotten to know people you might already know. Hey, I want to do my 21 day with you, or with you or whatever. And so the 21 day relationship basically is done as a series of seven day relationships, and at every seven day mark, we do a evaluation process our state of the union to determine how the relationship is going and decide, do we want to continue another seven days? And if we do, what are the changes we need to make to our relationship container, so that it supports us in these next seven days, so that you start to develop the tool. So now you know how to create have an end, but now you're from the second 30 days, but now you have the tools for how to continually go step by step in your relationship and continue to amend and improve it over and over again.
Kate Harlow: Wow. As you're talking, I'm just this is absolutely a conscious reality TV show, like there's so much to it. It's juicy. Wow. This is unbelievable, and so and so, that's the whole process. So they go 21 days, and they, they get to check in at every set. You know, we did a podcast episode in the very beginning. It was myself, and I think Catherine was there too. Maybe it was my friend Kelsey grant, who's a relationship teacher, and it was called fuck the rules, make your own. I'm not sure if that that was the title of the episode of that was just what we said in the episode. But the whole thing was about how our belief on marriage was like, it should be like a car lease where you're checking it, but not every four years, much more frequently than that, but like every year it's like, Hey, how's it going? Are you still enjoying this? So essentially, that State of the Union. So union is the term for the relationship, yes. And what is our current state? What are we looking at? What's working for you, what's working for me, what's not working. How do you feel? What do you want more of and it's just a like an assessment of your relationship to decide, do we want to keep deepening through this, or do we want to go our separate ways. This is so brilliant I can't even short circuiting over here. Wow. So I would love to hear more stories from you that you want to share before we wrap up. And Danielle, of course, we're going to come to your finale story over there for now, where you're at in your journey, guy, but any other like, really interesting stories. I imagine, through this, this work, the intention is not for people to attract a partner. It's to learn how to be really great at relationships and feel really confident at being in relationship. And I imagine, because of the context of what's happening that lots of partnerships have been created. Do you have statistics on that, or what any stories you want to share?
Guy Shahar: So, so yes, you're right. The goal of the program is not to meet someone in the program, right? The goal is to have these practice relationships to really get good at, like, how do I dance with the opposite gender? Right? Like, like, this is like, a safe place to practice your relationship tango, so you can then go out there in the real world, on the dance floor and, like, do amazing dance moves, right? And which, which, just having skill in that dance of relationship alone, like, you know, puts you, like heads and shoulders above anybody else in terms of your attractiveness as a partner, right? And then things like the State of the Union teach you how to express yourself and have flexibility to receive what the other person wants, which, again, heads and shoulders puts you above anybody else as an attractive. Partner who can respond to the other person. So, so that hasn't been our goal, but I believe in every cohort, there has been, like, a couple that has come out of every cohort. And I always say that with a caveat, because when I tell people like, oh my god, people, couples have come out of this, I'm going to come here to meet my partner, I'm like, No, don't come here with that expectation. Yes, because we can't control outcomes. It's an that's why it's an experiment that could happen. But your goal should be, you know, one of the things that I tell people is we're not here to find the one. We're here to be the one. Yeah, right. And the way you solve the find problem, the how do I find the 337 million people online dating? How do I find the one? The way that you find the one is you become the one, and you attract that one person to you, rather than trying to search through 337 million people to try to find them, which is just like mathematically, not the way to approach that, that equation. So so we so couples have come out of it. Don't that's not the goal. Don't come to the program trying to find someone. In fact, if you don't come to the program, trying to find someone, that might be the best way to actually find someone, to have the openness, not attached, and totally attached to it, and see what happens? But the the to answer your question about, like, like, some of the stories, like, what has really impacted us as coaches is myself and Maya, also one of our other coaches, Deborah and her partner, they use the tools, and that saved their relationship, took their relationship to a whole other level. So, so really, we hold each other as coaches accountable to do the same practices that we teach you, to practice them in our own relationships. And it's been to our benefit. And it has, it has it has improved our ability to really create a powerful container for transformation, because, you know, you can't, you can't hold a space for someone to have a deep transformation if they don't trust you. Right? So we decided early on, we're going to walk the talk we've had. We've had one of our facilitators do a breaking upwards with their real life partner who was not in the program, in the program, in front of everybody. And that was a real relationship of two years coming to an end, and there was a lot of tears and and we, and that was our because we demonstrate everything that we teach you, so you see how it works. And the demonstration we did in that season was their real life relationship coming to an end. So we really try to hold a powerful container for people to transform. We create, we have such a beautiful way of being reflections for each other and and and being able to support the students, because we know you, and we know the person you're dating, and we know what your issues are, because we are coaching you. So when something happens like we have a view on it that you can't get when you're out there in the dating world by yourself. You don't know the other person, what they're, who they are really, and what their struggles are and and there's nobody there to to help you, right? Like, like in a tango class, you have willing partners, you have an instructor, you have different types of steps. The instructor picks the music, tells you exactly what to do. And it's like if you wanted to learn the tango, you can't learn that by reading with a book. I can't become a great dance tango man and lead a woman across a dance floor by reading a book. I have to lean my body into her. I have to feel her body weight against my body weight so that my body can learn how to glide her across the floor effortlessly and create the beauty that is the tango that doesn't come from a book. And in real life, there's no dance floor, there's no instructor, there's no class, there's no willing partners. There's somebody that you text, and you're like, oh, let's have a dance. And they vanish from your life forever, would know. And you're like, what happened? Did Did I step on your toes? Did I lean too far? Did I lean not enough? Did I lead too much? Did I lead not enough? Like, and you don't get that feedback. So how can you improve?
Kate Harlow: You don't get the reflecting when you're ghosted. Yeah, you
Guy Shahar: don't, you don't know what happened. Like, maybe I did something wrong. Maybe they met somebody else. I mean, maybe they weren't 100% maybe they weren't 100% on this relationship to begin with, and met somebody they liked a little bit like, like, and you don't know, and you're in this space of worry. So how is it that we can have this space for powerful interactions and and I'll tell you, the story that just came to my mind is we had a woman a lot of what, what this program is that people learn. Which is really interesting about our culture is that in order to have a good relationship, the 80% is showing up for it. That's the 80% is showing up because out there, it's so much easier to ghost and not respond to someone. So we actually have a no ghosting rule. If you ghost, you're out of the program we don't need. We are go. We are creating a new. World that doesn't have ghosting in this program, and that's one of our agreements so that we all make. So I remember, there was a woman and a man that were in a relationship. I don't remember if it was a seven or a 21 day or how it panned out, but, you know, they had a date and he couldn't show up because he something happened at work. They needed him. He wasn't like, trying to avoid the there was a work emergency. And he says, Look, I'm not going to be able to meet. I'm sorry. And, and I think it may have happened, it may have happened twice that they couldn't meet, and she felt rejected, and she came to us, and she says, You know, I don't want to wait until the end of the seven days, or whatever it is like I want to break up now. I don't want to this man has not shown up twice for me. She was angry, which is understandable, and I said, Okay, so you know, I support you in asking him to do a early breaking upwards, and you can just, you know, invite him onto a call and tell him that that's what you want, you know, or text him or whatever, however you want to do it. So. And she's like, ready to break up with him. Man's not showing up for me, so they get on a call together, and this is a call between them. So I wasn't there. I heard the story from her, and and he, he, he held a space for her. One of the things that we teach people to do for each other, and especially the men, is, how do you hold space for a woman, right, without trying to fix her whatever? Just allow her to discharge what's going on in her system without commenting or trying to fix it, right? Which is one of the things that masculine provides for the feminine and women need for men. And then you tell us stuff, and we just try to fix it. And you're like, that's not what I need. I need. So we teach that, right? Like with these are some of the polarity things and and in how to show up in relationship that we teach. So so she calls him up, and he doesn't know that she's going to break up with her with him, but they get on a call, and he's holding a space for her, and she starts telling him, so this is why I want the call. And first we did this, and then you didn't show up, and then this other thing happened, and you texted me and and Tara, and he's sitting there, and he's holding space, and he's present with her and giving her his attention, and she's continuing to share how she felt when, when this thing happened, and how that made her feel rejected, and what that brought up another experience for her that that was not related to the program and how it impacted her. And he's sitting there and holding a space for her, and she's continuing to talk, and she probably talked for about five or 10 minutes, and as she's talking, she starts to relax a little bit, and he's listening and just holding space and not reacting. And and then she actually got to a point where she said to him, you know, I just want you to know that I asked for this phone call because I wanted to break up with you, but now that you're here with me and you're listening to me, I feel so much more connected with you that now I don't want to break up anymore. And we heard this story, and we were like, Whoa. What a reversal, right? What an amazing reversal that they got to experience. And you think about all the people that had that kind of an interaction, that that in that situation, would have bounced from the relationship, rather than engaged and met and said, Hey, this thing happened that made me feel rejected, and I want to, I want to confront you about it, and then the other person to be able to say, I'm so sorry you felt that way, and to hold the space and to listen to them,
Kate Harlow: we were so, I mean, so beautiful, because what she needed For him to show up. And what he did was show up. And she had an agenda, but the agenda went out the window, because she, what she really needed is to be able to be vulnerable and have and have him show up. And so then it became a healing moment, relationship alchemy. And you know, unfortunately out there in the dating world, outside of the 90 day relationship experiment, there are men who have these skills yet, you know, there's lots that don't know how to hold space, don't know how to be present and just listen to what's happening in your world and and so learning the skills is absolutely Essential. I'm just thinking of all you know by learning relation, the nuances of relationship skills that you teach inside of this program, and even all the so many nuggets that you've taught in this conversation so far, how these relationship skills are transferable to everything, like your job, your your your ending at leaving a job, leaving, you know, a friendship, leaving like anything, it's it's transferable, because we're constantly relating, and how most of us, just most, most people out there, don't even know what they're doing, and don't know how to be honest, don't know how to be vulnerable, and don't know how to be truthful, but loving at the same time and compassionate, don't know how to hold space. I don't know how to share openly and vulnerably. So, wow. Okay, so Danielle, let's bring you in for a little bit. I want to hear so you went through three rounds of the program, and you've had some Actually, I'd love to hear a little bit, because before the story where it's at now, there was, like, some really beautiful experiences you were having. So share a little bit about how your life started to change when you were in this program, and learning how to relate in a deeper way.
Danielle Jennings: What this program did, in addition to just teaching me skills for relating in general, to anybody in my life, was it completely changed my story about what kind of men are available to me in This world, and what guys describing I felt like, so, so guy has this metaphor of dating being like a bowl of Count Chocula cereal and, you know, or Lucky Charms, or some kind of cereal where there's cereal and there's marshmallows, and then in the dating pool, we we spend our time searching for the marshmallows, and it's hard to find them. And there's this metaphor around coming to a community where there are more like minded people who show up because they actually want to work on these things for themselves. And I said something to guy about 2023 when I joined the program, becoming the year that my life became a bowl of marshmallows, like I actually started to tell my friends I don't ever want to hear a woman say that there are no good men in this world because I am so surrounded by loving, honest, conscious, devoted men who are showing up because they want the same thing. And it softened. I mean, I'm, you know me, I'm a pretty big hearted person, so I didn't have a lot of walls up. But it did soften some of my story around these types of men don't exist, or they're not available to me, or I can't have that type of experience, or I'm always going to be ghosted, or whatever the story was, because I started to have these practice relationships with men who were showing up for me in a different way and allowing me to show up in a different way. One of the most incredible experiences I had was during a 21 day relationship, when my partner decided to fly across the country from the East Coast to San Francisco and spend some of our relationship container with me in person. And the only way that that happened was because I got vulnerable enough to drop my stories and my fears and actually tell him what I wanted, and I shared what I want. I was afraid, I shared what I wanted, and then he got on an airplane. So it started to rewrite this story that I had, that that these types of things don't happen for me, or I can't have XYZ. And then, of course, like guy said, even in the difficult moments, because there were relationships in the program that were hard, whether they were friendships or romantic practice relationships, you know you and Katherine say it all the time relationships bring up all your shit. And there were, there were times that I was, I was faced with a mirror of of maybe a behavior that was unhealthy, a pattern that I had, and able to look at that and say to my partner, hey, I really struggle with CO dependency, or, Hey, I noticed in that last conversation we had that I lashed out and I reflected, and here's why, and then we get to have a conversation about it. So yeah, it really started to change my experience and and I actually met the most incredible men through this community who have, some of whom have become some of my closest friends. The community itself, I could speak to just the friendships that I've made and the people that I've met that live all over the country and even out of this country, because you get really close to people in this program, you have an ally who's supporting you. You have like a buddy in the program. And some of these people have become my dearest friends, and some of these practice relationships have become I have the most beautiful people in my life as a result of this program. So those are just some of the things that I that I learned and that I worked on. And. And having the foundation of of the reclamation and of self love. Guy was calling me the Self Love Guru in the in the program, because, um, instead of feeding a story that at the end of every relationship, it's an ending, I can't have this I'm it's not never gonna happen for me and all of that, I just kept coming back home to everything I learned in the reclamation and before of oh, I actually love my life, whether this person's in it or not. I loved my life before. I love my life still. And then it just kept getting better and more incredible. And, yeah, so it really became living from a place of joy, and then like got, you just attract more joy and more love into your life when you live from that place. And that was my experience. This whole program has just been more joy, more love, more friendship, more expansion, more learning and more deepening in in self, in my relationship with myself,
Kate Harlow: and tell us about the latest attraction.
Danielle Jennings: I i will share that without this being an outcome, like guy said, you know, you don't join this program to meet somebody you you're not here to find the one. You're here to be the one which I love. And unexpectedly, as a result of this program, I am in a relationship with the most incredibly aligned person I could ever have imagined for myself, someone who had joined this program. And universally we talk about things get being orchestrated that are out of my control. This is somebody that I've known since I was seven years old. Technically, because we were in second grade together. I hadn't seen him in 25 years. He just happened to join this program. And even through the program, we weren't trying to date each other, we were both going through the program and learned, doing our own learnings, and then connected saying, Hey, I haven't seen you in 25 years. What are you up to in life? Let's just have a call and catch up on on our lives, and we weren't trying to date. And over the last, I would say, five months or so, this organic unfolding of this beautiful relationship with somebody that I believe is the most aligned person I've ever dated, and I'm having the most incredible, beautiful experience with this man, using the tools from this program, actually using exercises and practices and things that we learned. I remember him saying, as I was getting to know his story, he said, I joined this program because I wanted to become somebody that I would want to date. And that's kind of what guy said about being the one, like, how do I become somebody that I would want to date? And one of the exercises that we did in this program was to to not a list, the way that people create like a checklist, but more of a what is it called guy? A roadmap to what kind of relationship do I want to have with someone, and what are the qualities in someone that I'm looking for and how and this, so the first exercise is to write down the qualities of the kind of person that you would like to have in your life. But the next part which is so good is, well, who do I have to become to attract those qualities? What do I have to do in my life to actually show up and be the person who that partner is going to even want to date. So through all of that, I am now having this beautiful experience with somebody that I did not expect to show up in my life. And I could say a million things about this, but he gave me one of the best compliments I've ever had from any man I've ever dated, which was you are the most secure woman I've ever been with. And he's attracted to my sovereignty. He's attracted to my security, to my he's attracted to my self love. And he has a sense of self love from doing his own work prior to this program, even that it really for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing what it feels like when two whole people come together, rather than I need something from you, I'm feeling incomplete, and I've never had this type of relationship in my life. Life, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm gonna be okay no matter what happens. I love this. I want this. I'm choosing this. We're choosing this together. And I am deeply satisfied with my life no matter what. And I've never had that before, and it just creates more magic and more juiciness and more excitement and more desire of we are choosing this, and we know that we're both going to be completely okay no matter what the outcome is. So I could not have imagined this in my wildest my I've said to guy probably a million times throughout the last year and a half of doing this program, in my wildest dreams I never could in my wildest in my it's true, and not from a place of fantasy, but from a place of deep desire, like, what do I want for my life? And is it actually possible? And then it was like, Yes, actually it's more possible than you could ever imagine so,
Kate Harlow: and that is the co creation, right? You're co creating. You're taking responsibility, you're and you've actually said that to me so many points in your journey with guy, and I think even in the reclamation, where you were feeling so good you never could have imagined feeling this way, and then all of a sudden you're meeting people. Never could have imagined meeting men like this. I never could have imagined my life feeling so good. It's just like the build where it just keeps getting better and better, and then love comes in, and it was all divinely orchestrated. So it's like the co creation of you wouldn't have you wouldn't have met this man again, if it were for this program, and then he came fully equipped with all these tools. You came fully equipped with all these tools. So it's just, it's such a beautiful illustration of when we have the courage to follow our hearts and our truths, as you did that like 20 minutes before the program started, even though all the fears are there and and I believe so firmly, like when all those fears are there, open that door, because that's where you're meant to go. It's like the protective mechanisms will come up when there's a direction that you're meant to go in, and so you walked through that door, and life orchestrated this experience for you. And it's not about the it's not about the relationship we've as women have been taught our whole entire lives, that our only point of existence is to be beautiful and to have part, to have epic one partner, forever and ever, happily ever after. And it's like you built a life that is filled with love, and so now this man comes in, it's overflow, but that's why you'll be okay no matter what it is, this is just, I mean, beyond epic. So thank you for sharing. I'm so happy you came on, Danielle, this like and you've shared so beautifully from your heart and so eloquently. And you will have a podcast one day teaching women how to marry themselves and whatever like, it's just been so amazing to hear you share your stories and weave in the teachings that you learned along the way. Guy, I would love to I have one final question for you, but before that, I want you to tell us a little bit about how people can sign up for the relationship 90 day relationship experiment. When the next one is, how the heck do we get involved? And let's get everyone on planet Earth in this program, because it sounds epic. How many is there a limit also? Or do you just take and listen? Well,
Guy Shahar: originally we were limiting it to 40, and then we limited it to 50, and then we limited it to 60, and the cohort we just launched has 80 people in it. Whoa. How's that going? So we hired additional coaches. We brought on coaches and, and it's looking very likely that we will turn the program into a year long program at some point down the line. Wow, because people want more time to really delve into these tools and have more longer relationships and and the 90 days it's there's so much packed into the 90 days that they want to be able to explore that at a at a more at a with a little bit more time to explore things. So, so the 90 days kind of like a boot camp, and we tell people, it's over before you know it, like we we just launched it. It's going to end before you know it, because there's so much that happens. So, um, so we've been thinking about that and and people have been wanting that the next 90 day relationship experiment is launching in April. And you can learn more about that on our website at the tantra Institute, that's Tantra ny.com uh, you'll find a lot of information about the relationship experiment there, as well as our all of our Tantra speed date events around the world. You can search by city to find something near you and and that's also a really great entry point to prepare yourself for something like this, because, because you'll you'll learn sort of the way that we like to bring men and women together. Other from a place of reverence so
Kate Harlow: beautiful, yeah, that I can see the tantra speed dating being a great gateway. I've been to workshops where we did the eye gazing, those different exercises and connecting in a deeper way. And it is absolutely so healing and so transformative, amazing so, and we'll link it below this episode. We'll link, you know, all your socials, and the link to sign up for the next one. So it starts at the beginning of April, at the end of April, end of April. Okay, so perfect. Do you have a date? I
Guy Shahar: think it's April 20. I'm not sure if that date is going to change, but, but but you can, you can find that on the website, and we usually will do an informational call so people can learn about the program and and if you can't make the call, that's okay, you can just kind of drop a chat with us, and we can chat with you and ask you a few questions, see if this could be a right fit for you,
Kate Harlow: perfect. And just know your saboteur is going to try and take you out. Don't let her follow your follow your heart. So my final question for you is, so this episode is all I mean. Everything we talked about is shifting mindset around relationships and dating. But what would you say is the most important mindset shift when mindset shift to transform for women, right? We're talking to mostly women. What's the number one mindset shift to transform how they relate and date?
Guy Shahar: Well, I would say, think of everything as an experiment, right? Think of everything as like. I'm just going to try this and see what happens, because there's something magical that happens when you think of things as an experiment. And Danielle alluded to this earlier in the call, it really takes away this idea of risk, right? It's like, well, I'm going to try this thing, and if I fail, it's a small failure. It's okay. I can try again the next day, but, but I would say, you know, be in the present moment. Don't sort of future pace. Just be in the present moment and think of everything as an experiment, and that you continually iterate and renew and think about, Okay, do I do I still want to do this? And do I need any kind of changes? How do I communicate that? Because, you know, like, like, you know, pretty much most men, they want to win with you, and they want to make you happy. Because if you're happy, they can relax. So they want you to be happy that all we talk about in the men's group is, how do I how do I show up better for my partner? How do I show what do I need to do? What skills do I need to learn? What tell me guy, what to practice. She says I need to be more grounded. How do I do that? That that's all the men want to do in the men's group, we just talk about you and the things that you want and how we can give it to you. So, so, so I think a lot of that is, is to really show up with an open mind. And, you know, I tell this to women all the time, because, because, because women are always like, well, I want, I want that perfect partner. How do I meet that perfect partner, and I'm like, you don't meet that perfect partner. You create the perfect partner. If you meet a man and you're like, Oh my God, this man is perfect. He's married. He's married because, because the the A man can do 80% of his own work, but that last 20% you need to be able to dance with a woman and understand what it is that she needs from you as a man and from your body as a man to make her body feel safe, to make her nervous system fucking relax so she doesn't have to hold herself anymore and she can relax in your arms. And that is something that men have to learn, to have a felt sense for, and it's something that women need to show up with an open mind and collaborate on, right? So if you're showing up and you're like, I'm just going to wait for how this man is going to fail. You're you're like, already, you've already failed. You need to show up with an open mind and empower this man to show up for you and and see what happens and experiment and hopefully, that person has good coaching so they can, you know, because, let me tell you, it's, it's really hard to be a man. It's really, it's really, it's tougher in 2025 in this post, me too, world to be a man than ever before, and men have no guidance and no coaching, so um, cut them a little bit of slack. Um, expect, uh, expect and inspire the expect the best from them. Put your trust in them. Um, you know, I had this woman once that asked me, she goes there, I don't meet any men that I can trust. And I was like, Well, are you meeting men that are not trustworthy, or are you unable to trust? And so the the beautiful thing about men is that we are very mission oriented. If we feel you trust us, that ennoble that's like, that's like the general saying we need to go in there and fight to protect our village, and we will do anything for you if we feel that. You trust us to lead you, and I think that is the hurdle that most women find very, very challenging. How do I trust men when all the cultural programming has told me that they're evil, they can't be trusted. They can't do anything, you know, do yourself the favor of not bringing that baggage to a relationship and and lean in and open and trust a little bit, just a little bit, and see what what happens.
Kate Harlow: It's so beautiful when you take responsibility for your own side of the street and you bring your wholeness like Danielle was talking about, you learn how to do so and learn the relational skills that are needed to learn you. You call forth, even on even dating like for me, day I dated on Tinder in when I got to Greece, I just left a seven year relationship. Dated on Bumble and and I called forth, like I met amazing men, and they and they were like, something feels different about you. I feel like I know, like there was just something different because I was sovereign, because I wasn't in that extractive energy. I need to get something from you. I love that you shared that so much, because that is it's it's so sad to see how divided men and women are still, and how many stories women carry, and then they feed each other's stories about there's no good men. You can't trust men, and we look to blame the other person, but it's always a reflection of what we're bringing to the table. So yeah, amazing, isn't that? Doesn't
Danielle Jennings: it feel so good like the way that he it just feels good to hear from a man like it just feels so good to feel held and to feel like you can drop some of that, like the guard and the fear and the that I don't trust, just the way that it that I imagine, it feels so good for men to be met with a woman who there's a softening and there's like it feels great on both sides to to to soften and to look at the other person like you and Catherine talk about this being on a date, and there's just a human being across the table that just wants to be loved and seen and heard and respected just as much as you do. So I exactly everything. Sorry. I just wanted to interject because everything that you just said feels so good, like I want women to know that there are men in the world who show up this way, yeah,
Kate Harlow: and that, and that men are hurting too, and that men like they don't feel safe either, right? You're showing up on a date with guards. Well, they have guards too. Their guards might look worse on paper. The guy that goes so the guy that you know is aloof for the guy, whatever, however they're showing up, it's like they're they're protecting their pain too. And we can de armor each other by doing our own work and showing up differently. So yeah, that totally I felt like tingles all over my whole body when you said that, and something that every woman needs to hear. So, guy, you are a legend. If you have any final words, please speak now. But like everything you said is has been absolute gold. Thank you so much. I feel a little bit high right now from this conversation. Yeah, it's just been really powerful to be in your world and to get a glimpse into what Danielle has been raving about for since she met you. Actually, I get text messages quite frequently about you and about the 90 day relationship experiment and how much it's changed her life. So if you are a woman who it do, you have any final words? And no,
Guy Shahar: I'm just very grateful to be on the girls show. Be allowed in the room. Hang with the girls. With all of you. I brought my slumber party, fuzzy pajamas and stuff, and
Kate Harlow: we are in his bedroom. Also, ladies, you might
Guy Shahar: I'm in a hotel. I'm at the hotel. There's a bed behind me. I'm traveling at the moment, but no, I'm very thrilled to be here, and have really enjoyed this, discussing this and connecting with both of you. So thank you, Kate for having me on the show. Thank you for Danielle for recommending that we do this, and for just being the overall awesome person that you are, because you've taught us a lot. You know when, when we run the 90 day, like, of course, the students get, like, a ton out of it, but we learn and we grow, too as dating coaches, and we see some of the amazing things that happen in the program, and it really inspires us and and helps our own relationships. And you know, you were one of those people that had an experience where we're like, wow, that is that is so powerful. So so thank you for just being you
Kate Harlow: and the courage it takes to walk the path. Danielle right, a lot of people take courses and read books and listen to podcasts, and it takes another kind of person to actually show up fully and say yes over and over and over again. And you have and you do, and now you have this incredibly beautiful life that you've co created. Excited. So thank you for sharing it on the new truth podcast that you listen to and I are are a fan of like, it's so cool to have you here, sitting here talking to you on the new truth I'm so excited to share this episode. Thank you, guy for your brilliance and for sharing everything. If you are a woman who has, like even an inkling. Get on a call, have a text chat with somebody from the tantra Institute about the 90 day relationship experiment. This program will change your life and every relationship in it. So I highly encourage you to join, to inquire. You are worth it. We all need to learn how to have relationships better. I think this is what's going to heal the planet, and it needs it. You know, maybe now more than ever, things are pretty crazy out there, so learning how to relate and how to live with your heart open is, I think, the most important thing on earth. So go check it out. We'll link everything below this episode, and of course, as always, spread the word to all your gal pals, so that we have a man on the podcast and we're talking about juicy things today, spread the word. We love you. Thank you for your support, and we'll see you next week. You.