Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm so excited that

Kaeleem Sikander took the time to be with me today on this episode.

He is a dear friend of mine a strong inspiration. And he also

does incredible work.

He is a spiritual leader. He organizes men's circles, he's

very active member in his community. And he not only helps

men to heal,

he also supports women and facilitates,

like, the communication between men and women like to make it

easier to make the gap that he sees the tension between men and

women, like smaller, lower. I'm so happy to have you here. I'm

so excited to learn

from you. And I would love you to share, like the one or two

things that you have learned when it comes to healing the

masculine. Ever since we last spoke, I think it was back in, I

don't know June or July that we last met. And I'm sure that

there's many things that you could share with my audience,

when it comes to healing the masculine bettering the

relationship between men and women. Welcome, Ken Lindsey

candor.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you for that

beautiful introduction. I am so happy to be here. And as you

said, you know, we're, we're such great friends. And this has

been such a lovely experience to be on this journey with you. We

have grown together. And I just want to foreshore share

everything that I have learned. And I'm hoping that this

conversation actually is two friends coming together that

really care about our communities will allow other

people to open up with their stories and have conversations

with us. And we truly in my conversations and communication.

That is what this episode is about. And we really care, I

love to a halt. But I It's okay to love. And that's and that's

where I'm gonna go ahead and start with that allowing giving

space for the masculine to feel that love their brother to get

those emotions flowing, let them know it is okay to feel and be

vulnerable.

That is it right there. Most men do not have the opportunity to

do so.

They are told to hold their emotions back to be big boys to

be men. And that is a disservice to the masculine. It truly is.

So by organizing these divine masculine circles, where you get

to talk about your feelings where you get to be in the

presence of other men who want to heal, you're creating magic.

You're creating the opening for issues that have been locked

inside to come forward in a space where you're not being

judged in a space where we know that words and actions matter.

And we have come to a point where simply how we speak has

changed. And I'm constantly teaching people about neuro

linguistic programming and hypnotherapy about magic and

shamanism, right? Because words are magic spelling is magic.

That's why we say we're casting a spell. So my last circle was

this combination point of everything that I've learned the

last three years holding these circles of let's go ahead and

break the spells that have been cast against Us, By Us by other

people that start using words and power and not destroy this.

Also start using words to

create better relationships with people who have hurt you. You

know, and let's go even further than words. Let's put intentions

of love or even neutrality towards anybody that has done

harm to you. Because there is no more

Reason to carry hate in your heart anger, fair, or start

gossiping about somebody else? Let's take care of ourselves.

Have we given you one or two things over there? Or is that

many?

That was so good. That was so beautiful. And I know like

you're not done, you're just giving me a little bit of space

to, to add to it.

When you say I love when you say that

suppressing emotions, is doing us a disservice to, to the

masculine, I feel it's also doing a disservice to the

feminine.

Because what a man is basically doing is that he's not allowing

the woman to show him that she can support him as well, that

she can make this space to listen to him and not judge him.

And to still see him as a strong rock in her life. So once a man

can be vulnerable, he can also see in his woman, Is she ready

to hold space for me? Or is she severely triggered and going to,

like, judge the shit out of me and make me feel even worse, you

know, like, reinforced the Hey, you gotta be strong, you gotta

be Boys Don't Cry kind of thing. And it's, it gives the

relationships so much depth, and the man can see, not only that

he is growing, but the relationship is growing.

And the woman is growing. Once he learns to be totally

authentic and transparent how he feels. Do you? Do you feel like

I got? I got it a little bit. Right Path? Oh, no, no, not a

little 100%. And your response to what I said, was amazing.

Because that's a you just brought it together the role of

the masculine and the feminine, and how the feminine can hold

space for her masculine and, and if she is triggered, now, the

feminine then needs to look within herself. What part of her

is hurting and needs help, that she is projecting her feelings

onto another man? Yeah.

That's destroying the relationship. Yeah, this is it.

This is this is the work that all of us are doing. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to know, something. Thank you. I want to ask, because

I can see a man opening up, and a woman not being ready. And

then kind of punishing him for it. And if he's not 100%

in tune with how he feels, or owns how he feels, he can start

believing her. And, and, you know, making himself small

again, do you know what I'm trying to say? Like so often is

being put in a place where she is right, all of a sudden, and

then the man feels even worse than before, when he's still

suppressed?

What? And now my question to you, is it what is it that men

would wish that women would learn?

Or, you know, add or understand to, to make that happen or

possible?

So make it happen for somebody to open up? Yeah, communicate?

Yeah. What is it that women can still learn, in order for a man

to feel safe?

I think

what women can learn,

for one thing is that this understanding that men need to

feel safe to I, you know, you asked me a question, but I don't

think people understand men, oh, women that a man needs almost

the same kind of things as a woman does. A a container

safety, understanding, no judgment. You know, when these

things are happening when we're communicating certain

vulnerabilities, many times it's coming from a place from

childhood from trauma

suffer from the many, many of the same traumas as women do,

right? It does not

matter.

So there is a park inside of them, it's that child less

hurting. And I believe you may have discussed it to where we

have an inner child that has all these experiences, and that is

calling out to be seen and heard, and they're being

triggered. And when you are speaking from that inner child,

you want to be seen and heard, it is, it is so necessary to

provide that child with safety.

So just recognizing, just recognizing that everybody is

hurting, everybody is already, I think there's gonna be more

compassion and empathy. Once we start seeing that all of us are

trying to be better men and women, just beings, what are

however you refer to yourself, we're all of us are trying to do

good, and have empathy and compassion for each other.

So beautiful, you said, I have to let that sink in for a

moment.

Thank you so much.

And I would like to add specially from the work that I'm

doing and that this is going to who I don't know who is going to

hear this podcast, I hope many people will do.

The men are doing the work. They really are, especially the last

three years when I started these, these circles

a while was it was to heal internally, because we know we

have to do the internal work. First, forget about what's going

on outside, stop projecting your problems outside, see what the

internal landscape is like. And start working on that. Make

yourself come to a place where there's harmony and peace within

you. And once that happens, right, then you can go outwards

and start dealing with circumstances as setting and you

know, starting to starting to help your friends out, help your

family out starting to help your community out. We're at the

level now where we are helping. It's not just about internal

work anymore. What can we do when we meet as brothers? And

what can we do as we when we meet as brothers to take this

outwards into our communities to take it to our spouses or

partners have the habit? How do we help our children now? How do

we help our neighbors out? How do we help our communities out?

How do we go ahead and create more circles? And now that we're

creating more circles? How do we do co gender circles? Right?

Where men and women are coming together. All of this is in

play. Everything is coming together. And it's amazing. And

you hinted at this, the goal was and this is this isn't applause

This is a congratulations towards the woman. Because they

have been doing the spiritual, emotional, emotional mental work

for a while now, you know if they had been more aware,

and a little bit more on the forefront and progressive

regarding this. So the circles for women were created much

earlier than these men circles.

Kind of time for the men to do the work to

it's not for punish or anything like that. It's actually with

honor and pride that, hey, we see you. We know how hard has

been, it has been hard for us to. So we're the ones who are

going to go ahead and build a bridge to the feminine. Were the

ones who are going to take the actions to bring the sacred

union of the masculine and feminine into this role. It is

happening. And whenever I speak I only want to bring glad

tidings. There is nothing negative that I want to share.

We are moving in the right direction.

Yes, yes, I can feel it as well. And I'm, I'm so glad that you

yes see it the same way and that more and more people are like

feeling hopeful. Again, you know that that has been a very long,

dark age of the feminine and the masculine.

And now we can see that they're slowly approaching each other

and they're still they're still not 100% Trust, but there is the

willingness. There is more compassion, more understanding,

and it's I feel it's the most exciting time to be alive.

I'm very excited for the next five or 10 years.

So when it comes to you, personally, what was the the

most interesting thing that you've learned about yourself?

As a man in, we can say recent years, recent months, if anybody

has listened to the last episodes with Kilim, he went

through a lot,

to say the least. And you've done a lot of healing

ever since and what would you say was the most? Yeah,

empowering, interesting thing that you've learned about

yourself while doing the work.

So, my work has been with the masculine we talk a lot about

the masculine let me write, the interesting thing, and I'm gonna

go ahead and let's talk about this year was my, my outlook of

the feminine. How when I, when I see the feminine, I see

older aspects, the mother maiden Crone, but let's translate that

to her being a lover, a sister, you know, all aspects a,

you know, a friend, how to see her in all her lights, not

putting her on on a pedestal, not, you know, making her look

evil for being a sexual being. And just seeing, seeing that

she's a woman.

And as I started doing that, as I started developing these

strong connections with feminine leaders, in my community and

beyond, including you, it's just been amazing. You know, just to

have that trust and love and friendship and partnership, and

to show up as men and let them see me as a man as a protector.

It has empowered me. Hmm. Right? It's empowering, because they

see me. And I want to add to this, and for the women, what

the feminine leaders have done, they started seeing men, they

started acknowledging them. And just because they started seeing

the men and acknowledging them, I started seeing these young men

and older men who have been doing the work all of a sudden

feel so strong and empowered, because somebody gave them

attention. positive attention, saw them for being a man. And as

soon as somebody saw them as being a man, this started

becoming the men they wanted to meet. It was that was the

bridge. And you know, I went on retreats and, you know, held

space as a spiritual counselor for three, four days at a time.

And I was like, Oh, my God, I'm seeing the switch, I'm seeing

how the women are recognizing that they need to trust more.

And because of that trust, the men are doing better. And then

the men are showing up even more. It's been excellent. It's

been absolutely excellent. And I've been so happy.

So the other part to that is, as I started seeing the feminine

the way I do, I started having this empathy, and started seeing

the feminine side of me, really been working with them, the

feminine side of me, and all of a sudden this empathy being

like, if I was a woman, this is how I would want to be treated.

Right? It's not, it's not this other anymore. I see her in me.

And this is what I want for myself too. And there is such

empathy there and such compassion because I can't be in

in your shoes. And it goes further. How would I want to

raise the door? How do I want to raise the next generation, I now

know. And I can feel it, I can be it.

I love it. I love being in touch with my feminine. And the only

way I was able to do so was because I was working on my

masculine. And the masculine has given space for that feminine to

come forward.

And, ah, what a shame my listeners can't see your face

while you're speaking these words, but I can I can feel that

energy I can not only hear but I feel the authenticity of your

growth. And this is incredible. Like this is so precious and

beautiful and just sharing that will serve so many people it's

going to bring so much value to people's life because you healed

inside of yourself. And now when a woman was showing up

authentically and you know, bright and loud and expressive,

you didn't feel threatened anymore. You didn't feel the

need to judge her or to suppress her and control her anymore.

Because you were like grounded in your own masculinity and

This is when you can allow all this you are not in fear

anymore, you are in pure love. And that is such such an

accomplishment if we want to talk about accomplishments,

that's that's incredible. Such such powerful work because it's

going to connect you to even more people now because yeah,

you inspire men and you are so trustworthy and and strongly

connected to more women than ever. That is. Yeah, magical.

Oh, that is good. Yeah.

I was going to say, many things that I'm saying are about me

holding space internally and externally at the same time. So

when I said, when the masculine hold space, in a loving

protective way, I meant that that my feminine was able to

come out.

Right, because I was working with the pure divine masculine

energy, allowing my feminine to come out the divine feminine,

balancing both masculine and feminine coming into unions, as

you could almost imagine it's a dance, all the qualities,

they're not the masculine and feminine, that we think about

these are qualities of, of divine of God of universe, in

all of its chat being challenged, channeled within us.

And this rising is coming together in partnership.

And then what has happened and working with men and women,

especially women, I don't teach about the divine feminine, or

how somebody should be more feminine, right? All I do is

hold space as the masculine to allow the feminine to emerge.

She'll teach first of all, she just needs space. Yes, that's

all she needs, protective, space, loving space to be her.

And that is it.

And

this is this is what we know. Now

I have all over, I have goosebumps all over because this

is so this is what the feminine is longing for, you know, being

suppressed, or oppressed, raped, manipulated for so many decades,

and misunderstood. And now there's men, like rising up, who

actually allow us to express ourselves and who hold space and

protect us. It's, it's such a liberating feeling. It's

incredible. Like this is some this is so

I also want to acknowledge the especially the feminine leaders

who have been doing this work, and I know you, you have

encountered men, including in yourself, where you had to

happen to your masculine of holding space for yourself,

knowing that you are safe, that you're allowed to express

yourself. It didn't necessarily come from an outside force.

Again, no other man told you how to be feminine. You know that it

was the feminine, the who who were like, well, I need to know

about masculinity so that my feminine can do the work. Always

giving back credit where we're belongs, all of us are doing the

work equally, you know, but it's very true, though, now that men

are learning how to hold that space.

And when it comes to

relationships and things, this is where the polarity comes in.

And when we start learning how to hold space as as masculine

and how to express ourselves as feminine, we can change the

polarity, then somebody can hold the feminine space when they

normally hold the masculine space, and vice versa and go

back and forth and we learn. We understand. We don't have to

take the same role at all times. Yeah, yeah, no, that's totally

makes sense. And then to put it like into very simple words,

we're not born with a manual we're not born

like you know, with a script where we know our this is who I

am.

I feel we all unlearn for a little bit who we are, we're

trying to be somebody else who tried to fit in, and then the

work that you are doing, and that you help people with is

reminding them of who they are. And going back to that and

incorporating like the feminine and the masculine being both and

knowing that if a woman

like totally emerges into the feminine and is now only

In the feminine, it is not going to be easy for the men because

now he has to be all masculine. And he can be feminine like to

know that every individual has to hold space for both energies.

Because you can't use your partner to do the work for you.

I feel that's, that's yeah, so important, what you just

mentioned,

I'm just thinking of the very, you know, the men who grew up in

a very harsh environment, the men who

maybe had role models that were very stoic, and you know, very

closed up, and I gotta be the provider. And I'm just going to

do my work and the woman is going to take care of raising

the children. If a guy, let's say, the son of this very stoic

man, now wakes up and realizes, okay, well, this was my role

model. I'm kind of tapping into the same direction. But I'm

feeling that there is more out there, I feel I want to embrace

my feminine, more, I want to see that masculine is not about

being harsh and aggressive.

Like if he starts to see that, what would you recommend? Could

be the first steps into the new direction?

Do you know what I'm trying to ask? I am. Yeah, absolutely.

And,

you know,

the obvious answer seems to be go ahead and meet with men who

are like minded.

Write cases, this is where the this community work comes in why

we do a lot of this work in a group, because it is meant to be

done in a group this is this is how the healing occurs.

So for sure that that is step one. But how do you do that?

Because there are so many places out there that do not have these

circles that don't have communities like this. It's very

hard right now, you know, you it's very, very hard to find a

circle like mine. I am so lucky that I know many men who are

doing the work like me, so I can recommend them out in New York

City. There's somebody in Nicaragua I know of other bigger

groups. First thing is I would go back to what I did. I took a

journal

and started writing down. What does it mean to be a man?

Right, started looking at qualities of I saw, Oh, he's a

protector, you know, and that energy is not us to violate

anybody is use for care for kindness for the betterment of

this community. Right? Yes, there is a destructive quality

also. But destructive is only used so that good things can

come in.

A man is not constantly in competition and competition is

not necessarily a bad thing.

But um, but when he encounters another man or woman, as you had

just pointed out there, there is no, no trigger there and there's

a threat. It's cooperation. So I started writing it out in a

journal, what does it mean to be a man, right? And then when you

have these qualities out and you live in integrity, where you

said, this is what it means to be a man, you start living like

a man, trust me, everything that you need will come to you. Your

Vibration, your being changes, I promise you just go ahead and

start it. The people that you need the friends, the family,

the help services, whatever it is, it will come to you

it really truly well.

Yeah, you truly got to trust it and then just go ahead.

Yeah,

there's a lot of a lot of surrender to what I just said.

Right? There's gonna be a lot of resistance with people are is I

know how I was like, No, believe it. There's there is something

out there. The collective consciousness we call it that is

the blueprint out in the world that is already established for

us. You can reach it through meditation, through chanting to

just being a piece go in nature and bring it down into your

body. It is ready to happen.

We are very magical beings and

And you know what we do? We're doing a lot of shamanic work in

these circles. And I'm referring to my fellow healers and leaders

of feminine and masculine, we're tapping into the land we're

tapping into our ancestors are tapping into processes that we

have forgotten. We're at that point where you have rightfully

put out there of forgetting, rewriting things that were

taught to us in this timeline, so that we can remember the

things that we have forgotten.

Searching for important work, such important work, and this is

how, yeah, evolution is possible. Right to do. What our

ancestors, yeah, maybe didn't have the tools to do the time to

do the energy to do and now we're here and we take

everything that was good, and we're able to let go what was

not serving us anymore? And, and move on together? This is, yeah,

like I said earlier, it's it's going to be very juicy

interesting times here coming up.

And I have said this, unless something some thoughts coming

to your head right now. No, no, no, like, keep going. Okay. I

have said this. You're, we're so tapped in right now. So you're

talking about the things that I've been talking about, and

we're on the same wavelength,

this technology, all these tools that we haven't been given, all

of it is helping us it actually is giving us more time, so that

we could spend in meditation in nature, just connecting with

ourselves. We live in a relatively at least in the

United States and Canada, a safe environment, we are not at war,

such as you know, in in the Middle East, we have safety of

our homes for most people. And we're very, very blessed that we

have the look that I know things need to change and the

environment is very heated right now. But there is space to have

any religion have any spiritual practice, have time for

ourselves and not be in constant fear.

going in the right direction. Yeah. Yeah. And that, hopefully

is gonna work as a, you know, ripple effect to effect the

areas on this planet that are disrupted right now that are at

war. In a positive way.

Yes, hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And I love that you said that

take care of you first. Take care of your family, whatever

that looks like. It could just be your animals.

You know, yeah, take it from there. ripple out take care of

that small community that you want to your neighborhood. It

really is going to affect everything at a global level.

Yeah. No, I totally believe that. And, and I see it the

exact same way. I have. I have one last question for you.

Yes. What is it that you are working on right now? What is it

that you still want to get better at? Learn? Understand?

Yeah, you seem pretty evolved. You seem pretty centered.

But I'm, I'm always curious to know what what people are. Like,

where do you put your energy into right now, when it comes to

your, your work on yourself?

Okay, work on myself, or with community or with yourself.

So my, my work on myself

really has to do with understanding that I'm a human

being, right, and that I'm going to continue to have triggers and

trauma will be coming up.

And lately that has been happening. So

if something happens, and it puts me in the spiral,

I have recognized that I've developed all these tools. So

even if I was in it for two weeks, I'm being very sincere

about this. Something of that nature would have put me in the

hospital would have made me suicidal, or I would have done

something to harm myself.

So I have to recognize my humanity in this that I'm still

a

Teacher A healer that I can do this work and and be gentle that

I get triggered or I fall into trauma. And then I have to

recognize that because I am helping other people do this,

and I'm continuing to do the work myself. It's it's layers

upon layers of healing, I'm going deeper than before. I'm

not a failure. I'm getting to the core, this is what Shadow

Work is. And I have I am so open to it. And there, there have

been times where I was like, No, I don't want to do this. I don't

want to I don't want to do transmutation. I don't want to

do shadow work. I thought I was over it. I want it to be more

gentle. It's, you know, it's not gentle. It's very rough. But I

can be gentle with myself as I experienced these things. Hmm.

That was the cherry on the whipped cream on egg.

Nice. Because

first of all, you You brought it to light right away, it was not

hard for you to think about it. And, and second of all, I feel

it is so important for people to see that we are all constantly

evolving. We're all constantly

going through, yeah, motions and struggles. No matter where we're

at, you know, you seem very evolved and centered and

grounded and

glowing. But you still have stuff that makes you feel, yeah,

that scares you at times that make you feel insecure at times.

And for people to know that this is normal, that this will always

be part of life, you will only have different tools available

to get through them. And you will believe in yourself more

and you will be more gentle with yourself.

Like he said it because I think as human beings, we think, Oh,

we got to do all these things. And then we will never ever

experience pain. Again, there will never be discomfort and

this should be the goal. Any discomfort is a proof that I'm

not doing it right. And then you punish yourself again, and

especially like as a spiritual leader, like you are someone

who's a strong role model. It is so tough to go through a rough

phase because you feel like no, I gotta be out there and inspire

people empower people, I can't be

you know, in pain and, and take time to just make sense of

what's going on. I have to be spot on all the time. And

I find it so beautiful that you were able to share this with us

because it's it's important to know that suffering is part of

human nature. And it's it's all about. Yeah, being humble. And

surrendering and

expressing it and trusting that it will just be temporarily.

Yeah, thank you so much for for sharing that.

I

I'm going to the words that have been coming up and that my my

brother is the people that I hold space for the I let them

hold space for me. i They taught me to surrender. They have

taught me to accept, accept everything that has happened to

me. And even my the youngest one that I have in my circle. 18

years old, he's such a teacher. He goes in and said stop

controlling.

You know, leaves stop controlling, everything is fine.

Let go that control because we like to control so that we don't

get triggered or traumatize because we've been triggered and

traumatized so much we we control the situation and you

know how that's gonna play. That's a whole other podcast

right there. Yeah, so surrender, accept, stop controlling. And

he's 18 years old. And he's looking at me and he's like, I'm

being serious. Not not talking about circle talking about life.

I was like, Look, I was like, You're so wise.

You are so wise and you are absolutely correct. I'm, I'm

learning these things with everybody. I teach them and

it's beautiful. That is so beautiful. Yes, please. I want

to I want to record an episode with you about control about so.

Yes, that's gonna be something. Yes, please.

Thank you so much. That was

incredible. And I'm excited that we

We'll record that next one together. Is there anything you

would like to share with my listeners, and then please let

us know where we can connect with you follow you let it all

out.

It just I am so grateful to be here with you, everybody

listening, it really does matter, to have a voice to have

a platform to be able to express yourself. These are things that

all of us are looking for. These are my viewpoints. I know many

people agree but if you do not agree, I asked you to listen

with an open heart, take what resonates and do not take on

anything that doesn't resonate with you. You know, you all of

us are, are have freewill. We are sovereign beings. And you

don't you have a you have an intellect you have a mind. Use

it, use your heart use all of you. And I encourage that and I

absolutely want to send my love out to anybody who's listening.

Everybody does not matter. I am here, have great intentions and

is amazing to have my voice out there.

If anybody wants to reach out to me, I am very active on

Instagram at the path of surrender. I will be at a

contrast shamanic festival in Homestead, Florida, January

27 230 it myself, my partner Colleen, we're going to be

serving as Earth shamans. During that process. There will be many

contra shaman teachers over there. I get to see people from

all over the world. It's very inexpensive for what it is. And

I'm ready to invite my tribe in and to meet people in person.

Hmm, that is so exciting. I will not be able to attend. But I'm

so excited to maybe see pictures or little videos for one year

there.

Yeah, it's called the solar Lunar Festival. Hmm, beautiful.

Yeah. One day soon, one day soon. I get down there. Down

south. Yes. Well, we're waiting for you to come and visit.

Well, thank you so much. And who is this gorgeous little.

This is a Leo the little lion.

I just completed Well, I haven't fully completed a yoga teacher

training. One day, he was only seven weeks old. He just showed

up at the yoga studio.

He was not good at all. He was he almost died. He had ticks and

fleas and he had this rat poison on him. So I had fed him to get

his strength back. And now he is so healthy. He's a little terror

my house. But I love him so much. You know so much that you

can learn from animals. And even though he's very vicious

sometimes but you can see him he just wanted to be in the

spotlight and jumped on my lap and is wanting all this

attention now.

Man See, I didn't even recognize him. I saw the pictures of the

little one. So healthy and beautiful. No

crazy kids. Thank you so much for for being here. During

everything you you shared with us and yeah, we'll keep in

touch.

Thank you.

Much love