Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times. Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Mad Dog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us. The Electronic Walkabout. Well, good afternoon, Maddog. Here we are in the studio again, and I'm hoping your expectations are not too high for this episode. I would hate to let you down. Today we are. We're going to wander around the reality of expectations and how we can manage them better in our everyday lives. But first, as always, a thought for the day. Once you figure out who you are, never, ever change. There's only one person you need to please. Your friend. You.

I like that. I like that. I've advised my children of that many times. Like, you know, as long as you're happy with what you're doing, you're good. You're not hurting anybody else. It's all be who you are.

Well, you know, it's, it's funny. And often I've told my. My kids as well. I mean, your best friend's got. Got to be you. It really has to be. And when you're comfortable in your own skin, you can pretty well do whatever you want, wherever you want. And, and you, I think as far as relationships, you just. You're just stronger when it comes to, you know, with your friends, your loved ones or whatever. Right.

So it shows the genuine new you and not somebody you're trying to be.

Yes, absolutely. On topic, expectations, positive or negative? What's. What's your take on that?

Which are. Which part?

Like, well, you can start wherever you want. You know, we can. Right.

So expectations are individualistic, right? It's mine. Expectations are different than anybody else's. You got to mix in some realism with that and some circumstance. But, yeah, that's. Yeah, I don't know.

Let me, let me give you some more context here. Okay? So let's first of all talk about expectations of ourselves. So we, we have an expectation that we're going to do A, B and C. Okay, sure. And sometimes we fall short of that expectation, and because of that, we're very critical of ourselves. So when I, when I'm looking at expectations, but looking at that personal expectation, and then the other side of the coin, if you will, is having those expectations of others.

See, that's where the slope gets slippery.

And that's where we want to go a little bit. Because I'm like, personally speaking, I want to set that bar high for myself. And if I fall short of that, then I'm either going to go, wow, I need to do better next time, or I might even just walk away, depending on what, what the, the end goal with that expectation was.

And that's fair. And you assume that your expectations are the same level or the same standard as others.

Oh, that's a, that's a tricky question because I know where you're going with this. And you're, you're absolutely right because that's the go to. I expect the same, let's say, of you as I would of me, which is, which is not fair to start with. So what. What's happened over time I realize, okay, I know what my expectations are. And if I say I expect nothing out of you, guess what? We don't have to use the D word. I won't be disappointed in you.

That's a powerful dad word.

I know it's a powerful dad word, but it's, but it. Like when you fall short of your expectations, there's a, there's an element of this disappointment and whether it' uh, you're disappointed in yourself or someone else. And I agree with you that, that that word's a killer word. So if we come up with a different word, then.

No, I think that that is the word. But yeah, I think that, you know, if you don't have realistic, realistic view of your. What's expected of yourself versus of others, it is not the same because you live your reality, I live mine. I think a lot of people set themselves up for disappointment, if that's how they choose to live, is that everybody needs to eat their expectation. That's it.

And I totally agree with you because, I mean, and you don't learn that right away. You just expect that everybody can, let's say, work at the same level as you think the same way that you do. You just expect that because we're all, we're all equal, but we're equal in different ways.

Correct.

So, yeah, so it took me a little while to figure out. Well, and I know what my limitations are and I'm continuing to learn them as I, as I get older in this world, as we get seasoned, as we get seasons. But until you actually work with someone and you know where their, let's say their, their bars are, then, then it's hard. It really is. And, and I'm going to throw it out to you when we talk about expectations, let's say expectations of our, of our kids, what we want from That's, That's a hard one. It really is. Right.

So. Yeah, and I think that word expectations comes easier in certain contexts. Like for instance, your, you know, back before you were retired in your line of work, there was expectations, but I think that they were clearly outlined and needed to be met in your line of work with.

With no options.

Exactly.

No self.

So that is a different versus looking at your kid and you expect him to score three touchdowns in a game and you know, maybe the other team just had a better defense, but so some are pretty black and white and need to be attained due to whatever reason, call it safety or protocol. But then there's just other personal expectations where it's like, well, I expected you to win that race. Why didn't you? You weren't as fast as the other kids. So, yeah, it's varying degrees of varying degrees.

And I always like. And I, I've mentioned it before. 4. But when, let's say someone falls short of an expectation, there's an opportunity for develop. And that's the way I look at it, if you will, a coaching moment. But when I, when I was thinking about the expectations and, and let's say their personal expectations and I'll just throw it out there. Connor McDavid, arguably the number one hockey player in Canada right now, and you think about just for a second what his expectations of himself had to be to actually get to the point where people could say, hey, he's the number one player in the world.

Yeah. And I think that might be a quote of mindset, but I think in every realm of, of anything called sports, finance, fitness, those that are at the top of those, those said categories, I think all probably have a similar either work ethic or view on things. And their expectations are extremely high and not the same as the rest in their category. Right. Different varying de. And I'm sure each one of them is maybe working to their expected best, but it's not the best guy's best. If that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense because and especially if the best guy's expectation, at least in his mind, is that everybody has to be at that same level again getting back to that coaching moment or coaching point, then what has to happen? First of all, he has to be able to communicate. Here's what the expectations are.

Yeah. And I think that helps define true leadership because a true leader will show by example what is expected and set that bar. And then everybody else works towards that. So they set the expectation by their work ethic, by their leadership qualities and that sort of stuff and hope that everybody on their team works towards that same standard.

And that's the way it should be. And when the expectations fall short, the first place I would go to is the communication element to see whether in fact the message or the expectation was, was properly framed, it was properly understood and there was no question about it. And then if, if it wasn't, then of course you have to wear that a bit. But if, if, if it was clear, let's say to, I'll say seven out of 10 people, then the other three people, there's, there's some coaching moments perhaps. Right, so agreed. Yeah. So, and, and getting back to that like world class athlete, I mean that's, that's a switch on, switch off. When I say switch on, your focus is there and you realize that if you don't do A, B and C, you're going to fall short.

So is that a byproduct of them having great parents and great coaches or that they entered a program where the expectations were high and they met it? Because I would like to think that if you got to that level and you're that good, that that did not happen overnight. It has been something that you've had obviously in you for your existence, whether that be just naturally you're born with it, I guess, or if your parents were really vested and invested all the time and effort into you. So yeah, it's just, it's a, it's an interesting analysis. When you look at the whole life cycle of somebody like that, was that the expectation right out of the gate when they were born, did dad put a pair of skates on him, say, look at my boy, he's going to be the best.

Or you know, okay, we're going to have just a little bit of fun with that aspect.

Okay.

But first I'm going to answer, answer your question. See, the thing is, I think it's all the above. You have that, you have those vested parents that want to see their, their kids successful in one way or another. But we all, we also know that and, and you've seen these parents that my kids going to be the next star hockey players, star football players, star soccer player. And it's, it's not a reality that their expectations are way too high.

Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say is that to that point they could spout all that and expect it kids, but probably without the support and you know, encouragement. Obviously I'm sure the encouragement is there, but yeah, you can, you can talk that talk all day long but there's a lot that goes into that.

And, and then of course, the, the important element is that. That I'll say actually a couple things. One, I'll say the je ne sais quoi, because you don't know. And there's a luck factor there.

Yeah.

And the luck factor, I think for the most part is a small factor in this case, because getting back to the second point, it's that individual. What are their. What their intestinal fortitude is their, their ability to turn on that focus or just their, their natural ability and build on it? Because I, I often said to my son Josh, when he was learning how to play football, I said, you know what? I said, you've got some talent, but you're going to have to work hard. And that's exactly what he did. And he know that.

But so imagine if you didn't advise him, then just said, oh, you are that good. You're going forever and this is going to be great. That's an unrealistic communication between you and he. And it just makes him think, oh, I don't gotta try, I gotta walk on water, because it's good. So, yeah, I think that it's that balance of support with communicating expectation, but also being there to support it and foster it for them.

Okay, when you fall short of your expectation, how do you feel about that?

Disappointed, for sure.

You're disappointed in yourself. Would you try and rationalize it?

Me personally, it's more of a. Yeah, you go into like a tactical review mode. Okay, what did I do that didn't work? And why did I miss that goal? What can I. Like that. That's just, you know, through business and stuff and work, you. You fall into these patterns of thought like that. But yeah, there's a, there's a certain. Okay, well, why didn't I get that? What happened? Did I. Was I being too confident? Was I. Did I not have enough process in there? But yeah, you absolutely reflect on it because the next time it happens, your expectation is still going to be. To be that good. So you got to learn from not meeting your previous expectation, I think.

Or like the rationalized, those guys don't know what they're talking about.

That's way easier to say.

It's way easier, isn't it? But I'm with you there. Like, take it as a learning point and, and move on. If. And I should. What. What I want to do right now is kind of. Because what I want to call the episode is the reality of expectations. And they're actually the furthest from each other. Reality and expectations. That's true. So. So think about that for. For a sec. Because we. We have to be in the here and now and pay attention to the reality around us and somehow manage those expectations in there and somehow keep raising the bar to get to the point where we want to. But reality is the one that really kind of sets the stage and. And directs us where we're going, regardless of how high that bar is.

Yeah, it's. You know, when we start talking about things like this, you realize how deep you can go in different directions. Right. Like, it just seems like a very. When you hear the topic first, like, oh, yeah. And then you pick at. It's like, oh, man, this is a lot of factors that play in.

Okay, a little foreshadowing here, But I got to promise you something, that, that in the next episodes coming ahead, it's not going to be deep. It's just going to be pure. I won't. I won't call it entertainment, but it'll. I'll just say it'll massage your brain a little bit. You know, we'll have a little bit of fun. All right. And I'm. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Okay. I'm just going to tease you and the listeners a bit. Right. So. So why do we have expectations if, first of all, they're not even anything close to reality and we end up falling short on occasion? That. That brings the life that d. Work, disappointments.

Do you think is it possible to go through life with low expectations?

Well, you know, you. It's funny you should say that because some people and I. I don't know whether they're serious when they say this or not, but I just set my expectations low. So I'm never disappointed.

I'm always achieving my expectations because they're so low. Yeah, interesting.

But there's gotta be happy Medium. That's the point.

You're like, think for sure.

Yeah.

So where does that come from? Does that come from, like, when. Cause you don't just automatically learn how to expect, like, how to set expectations. So does that come from parents? Does it come from school? Like, because, you know, there. There are standards that are expected. You know, do your homework. You gotta have your homework done by this time. Okay, great. Go to your job. The expected time to start where your work is this time. Well, if I don't do that, I'm gonna get fired. So just wondering where the most influence comes from you as a person, developing what your level of expectation is.

So if If I put it this way, because they always say it starts with a vision.

Right.

So if you call that the vision and expectation and then go from there, I think that's fair to say so. But you have to have something that, that's, that's going to motivate you. So there might be a few different expectations along the way to get to that bigger expectation. That's fair. And, and it doesn't matter whether, let's say it's a career, education or climbing some mountain. Right. So it, it doesn't, doesn't really matter. But as long as you have that vision to start with, we'll call that the expectation. Because it almost sounds like we're giving expectations a hard time, at least from my perspective. But, but if you put it in the context of a vision that seems more realistic.

I agree. Yeah, yeah. It, it's a little more palatable when it's attached to a vision.

And, and again, you realize along the way that, that you need to, you need to fall short in order to get to the next level because it's the, the falling short part has so much value in your development that it's, I think a lot of times undermined. Right, so.

Well, absolutely. And just the one thing that comes to mind with that is that my previous business partner was friends with a guy who was a professional fighter and he won his first 15 fights handedly, so that became his expectation. And when he lost his first fight, it ruined him because he expected to win. So, you know, it can kind of either make or break you or reinforce what your expectations are or make you work harder for it. But just expecting an outcome or something to happen is not necessarily a good thing either.

I'm just going to have a little fun with the last Super Bowl. There was certainly an expectation.

Absolutely there was.

And those expectations fell short. Right. And you talk about it, it's the same story, but in the context of, let's say, Kansas City. They were just ready to walk on that field.

They expected to win.

They expected to win. But there was another team on the field that had a difference of opinion.

They're a little hungrier.

Little hungrier. And not to mention, I think their defense played St. Wal. It was just crazy.

Yeah, the, the highlights of. What's the young gentleman there that did that pick six and ran it back in.

Oh, I can't, I can't remember what it. Like there was two birthdays.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that, that's it. Yeah. Because it was funny. It's for the, the white excited excitable whites or whatever they're called. That's what they, they, they n. Because that position, there aren't any white players, so. And there's two of them on the Eagles, so they call them the exciting whites.

Oh, my God.

That's just, It's a thing. But yeah, that they came in hungry and then they went for it and they got it and that was. Their expectation was to beat the Chiefs and they succeeded with that.

Well, and you got to start there, too, if you can imagine. Well, these were never going to win.

This game and it will never happen.

They will never happen. Right. So. And I, I, I do have a question here, but I think I pretty well covered it during, during the last little bit here. But do expectations lead to an individual's motivation? And I think we've kind of nailed that one down a little bit, but are there any other thoughts on that?

About. No, no. I think that your motivation sets the expectation. So if you really wanted something to happen or really wanted to win something or whatever, I think you're, you're the, the expectations of yourself is going to be a lot greater and you'll probably work harder towards it.

Okay, here's something that's a little different here. We always want to set people up for success, and you often hear fake it until you make it. How do expectations fit in that scenario?

I don't, I don't know how many.

People you work with that actually say, well, don't worry about it.

I'll just fake it until, oh, yeah, no, that's. Yeah. Especially if it's somebody working for you. That's probably the worst thing they could ever see.

Some people, that's their world.

Right.

And you're going, okay, well, your expectation is what? That there's all of a sudden going to be an epiphany and you're going to know how to, how to do this. Yeah, that's. I'd only got to realistic. Not at all.

Not at all.

It's not even a go to.

No, that's just setting yourself up for failure.

Just switching gears just a little bit. How do we move forward personally when we fall short of the expectations? What's, what's your tact on that?

I guess it's for everybody. It would be different based on their adaptability or their ability to overcome something that's diverse to them.

You know what the buzzword these days are, is the ability to pivot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's just, it's a, and it's just a fancy way of saying it if you didn't do something, you check to see how or what caused you to not do it, and you quote, unquote, pivot and do it differently next time. So, yeah, I'm all about the pivot, but.

But, you know, it's reality. And, and that. That pivot's got to come to life at any given time, right?

Absolutely.

Now, when an individual falls short of your expectation, what's your tact with that?

In a work environment, I pride myself on having successful teams, so I want to see everybody succeed. So the expectation is set. But if you don't follow it with either training and support or guidance, that person is most likely not going to achieve that expectation. So, you know, it's. It. I guess it all depends what you take out of it. If it's somebody else that's trying to live up to your expectation, if that makes sense.

It makes sense. And then the question I have for you, how personal do you take that when you, when you want to see them succeed? And it doesn't.

Very personal. That's my failure. That's how I look at it.

Okay.

It's not theirs, it's mine. And, you know, it's. Back when I was working in kitchens and I was working my way up and I thought, you know, at a certain point, you're. Everyone's looking at you as the star. And I remember a boss told me, he's like, you know, once you take that next level, it's. It's not about you being the star anymore. It's about you being the star developer. And I was like, huh? You know, because it, it went from being the limelight, saying, look at all these achievements, then you get to a certain level, and then it's like, well, no, it's not all about me anymore. It's about how you can make everybody else perform. So personally, I take a lot of. I hold a lot of stake in. I was just telling you that I was doing reviews with both my teams, and if, If I have to tell somebody something horrible in their review, I look at that as my issue because it should never. It should have been dealt with. And, and, yeah, you know, yeah, I.

Should never come to life in a review.

Exactly.

And believe me, I've experienced that where you're hearing something for the first time during a review and you're all like.

Yeah, that should never be the case.

That should never be the case. Right.

And it's just like, when you let people go. Like, I, I've told people that if I ever let somebody go, it's it's because I have done everything in my power to try and make it work so that if that time comes that I do have to let them go, I'm comfortable with it.

So is it safe to say that I hate to even say it like this, but is it safe? It's realistic to have expectations, but those expectations have to exist in reality.

Yes, that sums it up perfectly. I think.

Unfortunately, realistically speaking, and I knew and I had an expectation that music is playing again. Maddog My expectations were crushed.

I thought the episode was longer.

Safe to say expectations will always be play a part in our lives knowing how to manage them. Rest with making reasonable expectations, not setting the bar too high. More importantly, when people fall short, this should be an opportunity to reset the bar and set them up for success. That will encourage higher expectations for the future.

Deep thoughts by TC.

Remember to take advantage of the moment to before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about E Walkabout, please visit us at ewalkabout.ca.