Welcome to the Peak Revival Podcast.

My name is Vener.

Today I'm gonna talk about the unspoken burnout of bread winner

women and what to do about it.

So I see a lot more women today who are the female breadwinner.

I wanna share some solutions, some really quick action that you can

take to Create a lot more ease in your life and reduce some of that

pressure so you don't go into burnout.

So the research has shown that in the US with a PEW research study found

that 40% of mothers at home are the sole or primary financial provider 40%.

And in Australia, 23% of women, earn more than their male partners.

So that number is quite high.

And I don't think that people realize, because quite often when I speak to

women, most of my clients, most of my friends in business, They are the

female breadwinner or they do earn more than their male partners and

they feel a lot of pressure from that.

And I wanna speak to that because there are some solutions, even

though it feels like you can't put another thing on your plate.

There are definitely things that you can do and some really great tips

here on how to get your time back.

So the first thing that women describe to me is the pressure.

It's kind of The silent load that nobody sees.

So it's the financial responsibility that You can't afford to slow down because

everything is on your back financially so you're still carrying that financial

load, but you're also still carrying a lot of the load for the house and the home

and the duties and the responsibilities.

there's this sense of that there is no room for burnout.

There's no room to slow down.

There's no room to be tired.

And so Often exhaustion is hidden.

And so often women are pushing through that because they don't

have that luxury to be tired.

There's a guilt for wanting more and.

There's a guilt of outearning their partners and feeling the pressure to

justify their ambition and their success, and so therefore, Women are going through

this alone and trying to deal with burnout symptoms while still pushing through.

And then it's the stuff that she perceives that, you know, if she

slows down, things will collapse.

I can't be the one to be stressed.

I should be able to handle this.

I shouldn't need help.

"I should be the one that provides help for everybody else." as this woman

is performance driven, she is still high performing, but she's running

on stress, caffeine, and adrenaline.

Now, I did a podcast, podcast episode number 50 where I talked

about identifying your drivers.

So if you haven't listened to that, listen to that after this.

So I really talked about what's driving you, because it's really

important that you identify that.

So it doesn't, you know, you're not fighting against yourself

and you don't feel the guilt for wanting to keep striving.

so for this woman, she's always pushing and striving and she's juggling all

the balls, but she is winning on paper, but her body is very depleted and in

the back of her mind that she knows she can't keep up this pace, but she

doesn't know what else to do, right?

And so creates even more pressure and more stress hormones and more

anxiety and poor sleep, and weight gain, low mood anxiety, all of that.

So what can you do?

Right?

There are things that you can do, and number one, this is a really

big one, and women hit up against this wall all the time, and this

is about sharing responsibility.

So it's going from your hubby or your partner is helping you

to taking shared ownership of.

The household duties, the children's activities, what needs to be done, right?

So taking some of that mental load, that invisible load off you.

And so that means that It's okay if your partner doesn't do

it the way that you would do it.

This way of micromanaging.

So I hear a lot of women, like he doesn't do a good job, so I

have to go back and do it again.

And so that is not going to help him to step up and take ownership of that role.

Right?

He's just gonna know that you're gonna come in there, you are going to redo it.

So what's the point of even doing it to begin with doesn't make sense.

Right?

And so There has to be an ability to let go and let them do it their way

not to be there to kind of micromanage.

So women are really still running this old programming, which is, you know,

women do all the household duties.

But women today, as you can tell, 40% or 23% uh, the sole breadwinner

or the female breadwinner, and therefore you cannot do both roles.

Okay?

And so this old programming that has been with us since the Industrial

Revolution, so I actually looked this up on chat bt the other day.

Where did this all begin?

cause actually

Before the industrial revolution,

it was all shared.

All the responsibilities of the home and family were shared between the.

The husband and the wife.

Okay.

There wasn't these roles that we have today.

And that all changed with the Industrial Revolution.

So it is a social construct and it's really interesting because

while it's just something that was manmade, it's so embedded in our

psyche that it feels that, you know, if we are not doing these things.

In the house that we are not a good mom or we're not doing the

good duties inside the house.

That's my job to do.

Right?

So a lot of that you have to look at, you really have to identify what

some of this old programming that you're carrying around that maybe you

watched your mother do everything.

But we are really living in a different time now and really have to look at that

programming and rewrite some rules there.

There's one thing that I'll mention here is that you may get some

pushback from your partner or as you change your behaviors and as you

start to delegate things and trust.

Others to do things for you, you may get some pushback, right?

And that's something you're just going to feel a little bit uncomfortable with,

and then you're going to ride it out.

Okay?

And so it's normally women get to this point and they think, oh, it's

just easier if I just do it right?

But you have to avoid that way of thinking because it means

you get stuck in that role.

when you start your business and you bring your first team member on, or if you're.

In a corporate career and you bring a new team member on and they need

to be trained in the way that you like things done You do that right?

Because you know that it pays off.

You know that if I put this time in, I don't have to do that role anymore.

And so this is kind of the same, right?

We have to be willing to put that time in to feel uncomfortable, to let things go,

to let them do it their way to delegate and all of that because we know that

down the track, it's actually going to ease up a lot of our pressure and take a

lot of responsibility off our shoulders.

Secondly, rewrite internal rules.

This thing that, you know, "Good mothers should stay at home" and do all the

cooking, and do all the housework, like these old beliefs that we carry around

and that are really end up running us.

And so it's important to Review what rules you have in your head that are dictating

to you through the day, making you feel guilty, making you take on so much more.

And write new ones.

You know, there's nothing, like I said, so before, this was all normal for men

and women to share responsibilities.

It can be normal again.

Okay?

And those are the rules that you set and you rewrite.

Number three, set clear boundaries.

So when you working, you work, but don't work all the time.

Don't have these boundaries really blurred where you're working on the weekends,

you're working after hours and there's no boundary of, personal life and work life

and I, granted, I know that sometimes there is a lot of work to catch up on

and you need the evenings or you need the weekends, but on the majority, if you're

working through all of those hours, then you really need to look at what is your.

Quality of work, like are you doing deep work or shallow work?

Like where could you improve your deep work time?

So you're doing the things that really move the needle for in your company or

in your business, but you're not doing all the kind of admin shallow work that

is busy work takes a lot of time, but it's not really necessary for you to do.

Another SU suggestion is to do a front door reset, and what that means is that

when you come home from work, this kind of corporate or businesswoman mindset,

so if you're working from home, it's kind of shutting down for the day.

It's to really reset from that kind of leadership mindset of, you know, project

managing everything and being in charge, making the decisions and all of that stuff

pausing when you end your day or when you walk through the front door, to really

pause and shift your energy out of that.

Okay.

Because it creates more tension in a relationship when you come home.

You start bossing everyone around like they're your team.

Okay?

And so Making a conscious shift to transition from that kind of

leader to a partner role or to a mother role, or to a friend role,

and finally let go of the superwoman identity.

This idea that women have to do it all.

I think that, you know, we know that we can't do it all.

We can get it all done with help, but we can't do it all ourselves.

And Something's going to give, and it's going to be you.

It's going to be your physical health, it's gonna be your mental health.

It could be your relationship, it could be a relationship with your children.

And so something ends up, being sacrificed in that process.

So this idea that you have to do it all, all is well, it's not true.

And it's kind of like this really outdated idea.

So I would look at.

Your.

Role in your relationships and your work is kind of

embracing interdependence, okay?

And kind of working all together as a team, I guess, to get the

things that you need done and sharing those responsibilities.

So don't look like everything has to be on your shoulders,

even if it has been so far, okay?

So it doesn't matter at what point you're at, you can always change

the way that you do things, okay?

Just because you've done it this way for 20 years or 30 years, it doesn't mean.

That this is the way that you have to continue.

You can always shift gears.

So being the breadwinner isn't the problem.

It's when we feel like we have to do everything ourselves.

We don't delegate.

We don't ask for help.

We don't allow people to help.

It's kind of this being in this one system, you are doing it all right.

That's where the problem lies, not so much in being the female breadwinner.

And I think when you look at the positive sides of it, you know,

there's a lot of independence.

Being a female breadwinner, you get to go to work and you get to socialize and have

great connections and great relationships.

You get to build something or be really engaged in your work

and really develop your career.

So there is definitely positive sides to it and I think just that

extra pressure and burden that women carry can definitely be eased

through taking some of these steps.