are you trying to prove your worth through your work, through your

income, through your mothering.

Okay.

This is a really hot topic and I would say for mo, 99% of the women that I

speak to in my community and in my work, this is something that is a core belief.

I recognize it well.

I would say it's still.

, A part of me as well, that core belief that if I do more and I achieve and I am

successful, then I'm more valuable and we can get caught up in this busyness, right?

So if you find yourself, you know, even in this time of the

year, if you're really busy or.

You find that you're doing so much for everybody else, and you know, like I

said, maybe you are talking about how much your business makes or how big your

launch was, or how much your income is.

Or it could be even things like maybe you work hard to prove

your worth through achievements.

You have a nice house, you have a nice car, your business has

this many people working for you.

You know your children do this or you look like this.

Or your weight is this number.

Do you know?

So really looking for that external validation to prove our worth.

And traditionally this was something for men, okay?

Men would feel more worthwhile if they, uh, were the provider

and they earned a certain income.

They earned more than women.

And obviously today this dynamic is changing.

There were a lot of female breadwinners.

You know, I think about 40% of women are the female breadwinner

or the sole breadwinner.

And so that dynamic has shifted and that creates all of its other

complexities, which I did a podcast on called The Female Bread Winner.

So you can look, listen to that afterwards.

But I really wanna speak to, are you trying to prove your worth through

busyness and trying to be so important and valuable for everyone or your

place in, your career or in your profession or in the business world

in order to feel like you know what?

I'm valuable.

I'm good enough.

You know, I, I'm lovable and I think it's a really important thing

because there's often a core driver for women to lead them into burnout

or exhaustion or resentment and just feeling really unhappy with their life.

So the underlying core belief here, actually before I get into that,

I wanna share that, you know, I think I've shared this before, that

in the beginning of my business.

When I opened up my first clinical practice, I didn't have any patients

yet, and yet I was working all day, um, until the, you know, into the evening

until about 6:00 PM And, um, my then partner would be like, let's go home.

And I'd be like, no, I'm not finished.

He was like, you don't even have any patients yet.

What are you doing?

I'd be like, I'm working on programs and treatment plans and putting all these

programs together, and I just felt like.

If I wasn't busy, I wasn't valuable.

I wasn't adding value.

What am I doing?

Do you know?

And so that was still that underlining belief that If I work harder than

everybody else I'll prove that I matter.

And that's the core belief under trying to prove your value in what you do.

you know, I'd love to hear your comments below if you can see the comments if you

are watching this on YouTube, because I think this is such an underlining

core belief in so many women and it drives us to do more and achieve more.

And we get never get to that place where we feel like we are really valuable.

You know, we never stop and can be like, you know what, I'm just gonna give myself.

A week break or a month break, or I'm gonna say, no now I'm

not gonna help anyone right now.

I'm just gonna take care of me without feeling guilty.

Right?

Without feeling like, oh, I'm lazy.

Oh, what am I doing?

I just feel like I'm not doing enough.

So it's such a hidden driver or belief that's false.

It's a false core belief that a lot of us carry.

so, like I said, for women in business, I see that.

You know, that core belief is if everything runs smoothly,

then I can finally relax.

Or when I hit 7, 8, 9 figures, then I'll be successful and and secure.

Right?

And if you stop, you'll lose everything that you built.

And so there's a real dependency on your level of doing and busyness in order for

things in your life to be successful, and therefore that's tied to your value.

Like I remember having a client.

He was a very successful CEO and she said to me one day she came to me for burnout.

She had a whole bunch of other health issues and she said,

do you think I'm a workaholic?

Do you think I'm just trying to prove I'm.

Worth it through my work.

I was like, well, what do you think?

Because even she was starting to see her patterns, like she was

driving herself into the ground.

She was not having any boundaries around her time, and she was placing

more stress on her team, and she was like, but why am I doing all of this?

Right.

It doesn't even make sense when you stop and have time to reflect.

You know, I think if you are working so hard, I heard this, um, health

Coach say the other day on Instagram and it was a really powerful comment.

He said, you know, he was referring to some very successful online

business people who make a lot of money and you know, are very open

about how much they make, and they would never be able to spend that

amount of money in their lifetime.

Right.

There's no way.

Maybe they need 10 lifetimes to spend that amount of money, yet there's still.

Driving very hard as if they are poor.

Right.

And I, you hear successful people talk about this, right?

You've gotta work every day.

Like as if, you know, you can't pay the rent even if they're billionaires.

But the thing is, when you are driving yourself that hard,

you're neglecting your wellbeing.

you don't have a relationship with your family, you don't have

a relationship with your friends.

'cause these people, they were like saying.

You shouldn't have a weekend.

You shouldn't catch up with friends.

You should say no to going to a friend's wedding because you've gotta work.

It was all work, work, work, work all for material gain.

And that was what they said it was for material wealth.

And you know, you've gotta look at that and think, well, what's driving that?

'cause that's actually not natural and natural response.

Our human response is to take care of ourselves.

We have an innate will to live and an innate will to take and self care.

And when we ignore that, that goes against our human nature.

So it doesn't make sense.

So there's a driver there, right?

I'm not saying you can't drive to be successful and whatever,

but I would look at where That's overriding everything else.

You know, it's overriding how if you are exhausted and depressed and you're

not loving your life, or you're crawling into bed at 7:00 PM 'cause you're

so tired, then I would look at that.

There's some kind of core belief that is not serving you anymore

and that needs a bit of, awareness.

the most important thing that I want you to take away from this podcast

is if you've noticed you've reached a level of success, and I've noticed

this, you get there and you're like.

Great.

That's the new level of success now, right?

And then you get there and you're like, okay, it's going up here now,

and there's, it doesn't end right?

And so if your self-worth is tied to that or your value,

you're never gonna feel valuable.

You're never gonna feel like you are.

You're good where you're at, right?

You're good enough or more than good enough.

You're, you're very valuable.

You're very amazing.

And that is because.

When you feel that you know your worth, you'll only chase

your worth through your work.

It's when you are temporarily disconnected from your innate wisdom

or your innate wellbeing, okay?

Because your innate wellbeing is never in question.

Your innate wellbeing.

Is giving you security, gives you self love, gives you self worth.

So we don't get that from the outside.

It's a feeling, right?

And so when we feel like we're chasing it through our work,

because we feel insecure, right?

And quite often we carry this, right?

We feel insecure about ourselves, the way we look, the way we show up, the

way we speak, how much money we make, whatever it is, And so that insecure

feeling comes from our thinking.

And the thinking that insecure thinking is a temporary disconnection

from our innate wellbeing.

'cause our innate wellbeing is always flooding us with

security, with love, with value.

Okay.

I hope that makes sense.

So it's not something that we can get from the outside.

We never can.

We can only ever experience it from an internal feeling because feeling valuable.

Is a feeling.

Okay?

And our feelings come from our thinking.

So therefore they don't come from the outside, okay?

Which is why we can achieve so much and never feel like we've arrived.

And so if you are feeling like that, there is nothing that you need to do.

You don't need to reframe, you don't need to put out more boundaries,

you don't need to do any of that.

What you need to be able to see is that there'll be moments

where you are not chasing.

Where you feel like you're in a really good place where

you feel like, you know what?

I'm awesome.

I'm amazing.

I'm really good at what I do.

and that is the truth, and everything else isn't.

So there will be times when you are slowed down or you've got mental

clarity and you're not disconnected from your wellbeing that you will.

Feel those things naturally because that's naturally what you're made of, right?

That's naturally inside of you.

It's all the busyness, it's all the trying to do everything outside that

actually quietens that inner voice.

Okay?

So self-worth is never, or your value is never in question, right?

You are valuable.

As you are, no matter what you do or don't do in your life, okay?

You decide if you're valuable or not valuable through insecure thinking.

And that is just something that when we disconnect from

ourselves, that's what we feel.

And that passes, which is why you can feel secure.

Insecure.

Secure, insecure, or valuable.

Not valuable.

Valuable, not valuable.

Like I had a client who was saying the other day, she gets triggered by speaking

to a certain family member and she feels very insecure, like she's not good enough.

And so for her to see that.

When she, before she gets on that call, she's already triggering

so much insecure thinking.

She's already feeling insecure.

Then she gets on that call and that button gets pressed, right?

Because it's been pressed so many times through her constant thinking.

And so it's easy to go, well, that person needs to stop saying those

things or changing and maybe, but really the power is in within us.

Okay?

The power is in with her, within her to not feel insecure anymore.

When she recognizes and when I recognize and when you would've seen at times,

I'm creating my own insecurity.

I'm making this stuff up.

so I hope that was helpful because I know that this is something that

comes up in our work all the time.

Women feel like they're really trying to prove themselves, and I

think now more than ever, um, like I said, I'm no stranger to this.

Right.

I'm definitely someone who's seen much about this for myself, that.

The more you do, the more valuable you feel.

The more you achieve, the more income you have, the more You know,

materialistic things that you have makes you feel like you're more valuable.

And it's trap, right?

Because those things can't bring you value.

Okay.

And I think, like I said, it's something that comes up in our work all the

time and I wanted to chat about it and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Leave me a comment below.