Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.

I'm Kate Moore Youssef and I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT practitioner, mum to four kids and passionate about helping more women to understand and accept their amazing ADHD brains.

After speaking to many women just like me and probably you, I know there is a need for more health and lifestyle support for women newly diagnosed with adhd.

In these conversations, you'll learn from insightful guests, hear new findings and discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm and purposeful life wherever you are on your ADHD journey.

Here's today's episode.

Today I'm absolutely delighted to welcome Susie Redding.

Now I've had Susie on my other podcast before and she is an absolute delight.

Suzy is a wellbeing advocate.

She is a self care advocate as well as a chartered psychologist specializing in wellbeing and stress management and the facilitation of a healthy lifestyle change.

I am so happy to welcome Susie because she has written a fantastic new book called Self Care for Winter which couldn't be more appropriate for right now.

As I record it is November, it's cold, it's dark and we know that, you know, we've got quite a few months of darkness approaching in the north Northern hemisphere where I am here in the uk.

So I'm really excited to delve into what Susie, Susie's got to say about leaning into self care practices for the winter.

Now I know that with a lot of people with ADHD we experience seasonal affective disorder.

That's sad and something that I definitely can relate to as I'm getting older that for me I need more sun, more light, it impacts my mood, it impacts my sleep, impacts my energy.

And so when we can have more understanding about self care in the winter months without feeling depressed and that it's going to be a long hard slog through these dark months.

It can feel like we don't have to dread, dread this time we can embrace it, we can change and reframe our thoughts towards it.

So I'm really excited about this conversation.

Welcome to the podcast, Susie.

Oh, thank you for such a lovely warm welcome back, Kate.

Looking forward to it.

So Susie, tell me a little bit about why you decided to write a book about the seasons about winter.

I'd love to hear a little bit more.

First and foremost, I want to recognize that winter for very good reasons is a tough time.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's hard on us.

And when you look at how the plants and animal worlds respond to those environmental cues.

Why do we expect ourselves to be any different?

Expecting that we should just be able to power on unaffected.

So I wanted to recognize and validate and from a scientific point of view, help people understand why it's so challenging.

But beyond that, I wanted to take a broader look because I think that winter dread just trains our eyes to see even more of the things that we find hard.

And if we can make a little bit of space for gentle anticipation, it can change how we feel about winter and it can open our eyes to the plethora of joys that are unique to this season.

So that's what this book is about.

It's recognizing what's tricky, it's opening our eyes to potential joys.

But then it's very much practical toolkit.

What can we do to sustain ourselves through this chapter of colder temperatures and less daylight?

Yeah, and there's lots of research and evidence coming out now that seasonal affective disorder, SAD or SAD is a lot more common in neurodiversity and neurodivergence.

And so we're recognizing that a lot of people who are now getting diagnoses of ADHD and or autism together have always had this sort of winter dread that they know that this sort of like smaller gaps of daylight or this sort of maybe less vitamin D really impacts them from a mood perspective, from a cognitive perspective, sleep, I mean, and all of this just impacts our day to day life.

I know that it's something I relate to, I've seen it in family members as well that I kind of thrive.

I'm a bit like a sunflower.

I thrive in the sun.

I'm a happier kind of more energetic version of me.

Probably from, I would say from March, I'm starting to feel like, okay until about the end of October.

So I have between March and October feeling really full of life and vibrant.

Obviously there's like ebbs and flows and hormonal cycles and all of that.

But for me that, that sunshine just gives me life and I struggle.

I really have to push myself through those darker months, you know, further people are relating, how do we wake up?

Bearing in mind we are in the northern hemisphere.

I know that people in Australia and South America and all that, there's slightly different seasonal timings right now.

But if we are in this time where we wake up and daylight is not there until, you know, 8:30 in the morning, we're working all day, we're in artificial lighting, by the time we come out at 5pm it's dark again.

How do we boost ourselves for these months?

Yes.

I want to take a two pronged approach.

And in one sense, we need to take a look at this sort of how we view winter and how we carve our pace.

So there's that part to it, and then there are concrete practices.

So if we take a look at this approach to winter, what I would encourage people to do is to honor this beautiful impulse to hibernate, because that is what the natural cues are telling us to do.

They're telling us that it's okay to need a little bit more sleep, it's okay to rest more, it's okay to want to take it more slowly, it's okay to want to retreat.

But the issue is how do we do that in a way that modern life will allow us to?

Because, you know, you might want to have a nap at 3pm but maybe that's when you're on the school run.

Right.

So it's about how can we keep it grounded in reality?

Okay.

So in terms of that approach, I encourage people hibernate, but don't stagnate because I think quite a lot of the problem comes from we just, we just want to hunker down and we don't move as much.

Yeah.

Now the fact is it's not just that movement has its own antidepressant effects.

It's the fact that being too sedentary has its own health consequences.

Okay.

So I'm encouraging people find, you know, snuggle in, but do keep moving.

And that also will mean get your layers on, get your boots on, get out and get some fresh air and get some daylight when you can, because that's just so important for the healthy functioning of our body clock.

Helping us feel more alert when it's time to be awake, but also helping us feel drowsy when it's time to sleep.

So there's, there's that aspect to it and then there's this whole sense of we naturally crave comfort.

So how can we comfort ourselves in a way that meets our need in this moment, but then doesn't make tomorrow harder, doesn't sabotage our future self.

So it's looking for sources of comfort that are life giving.

So instead of it just being Netflix booze, coffee, chocolate, and I'm not saying don't enjoy those things, I am saying we need color, we need scent, we need touch, we need gentle stretches, you know, light.

These are the things that can provide us with comfort without sabotaging us.

So I'm hoping that Will sort of give us an idea of what we're attempting to do.

But then, of course, we need the tangible practices, don't we, that will help us in the moment of my alarm clock's gone off, it's pitch dark outside, even the birds aren't awake yet.

This is aversive, right?

Yeah.

You know, as you're describing that there are ways that we can lean into it and you know, if you've got a dog, we know that having a dog is a great way because it gets us outside and we have to kind of just embrace the weather, whatever that is.

And you know, you know that there's sort of this Scandinavian mentality of the.

It's not the weather, it's just your clothing and it's just, you know, what you wear that prevents you from going outside.

So there are different mindset shifts, aren't there, that we just have to say, right, it's going to be dark and cold and wet probably for the foreseeable three months.

We can either.

I love that.

Hibernate, don't stagnate.

So we can have those moments, you know, in the winter where we've made a big pan of soup and we can make, make, you know, have bread and butter and we can wear the thick layers and all those lovely things that winter brings.

But as long as we're getting outside, getting that fresh air so the hibernation doesn't stagnate us and make us, you know, I think that's very much part of it that we can feel depressed and low because we're not moving our body, we're not getting outside.

I guess if people are listening and king, but don't have a dog, how can I force myself to get outside and do that thing that is just so unwelcoming, you know, that weather is just not, it's not playing ball for me.

Well, how do we, how do we move?

Move past that.

Okay, so again, it's, it's not going to be a hard and fast.

This is what everyone should do.

But there are some things that you can try.

The fact is, if you say to yourself, you know what?

I'm going to get a five minute walk around the block, get out there, get your layers on, do it, notice how you feel after it.

You might not feel like doing it, but once you're out there, there will be something.

And this is why I wrote the book, because I want to open your eyes to the incredible things that are available to us.

You know, whether it's the stark branches against the blue sky, or perhaps on a sunny day, you might get the, the apricot, the feeling of warmth on the back of your neck when the sun comes out between clouds, right?

Or it could be hammering it down.

And the fact is, you.

There was one occasion when I, when I went out and I'm looking for my moment of awe, it was absolutely tipping it down.

And I was about to get home and I'm like, you know, I haven't found it yet.

I felt really grinchy.

There was nothing that sort of pepped me up and gave me that spark.

And in that moment, this old woman who was seeking shelter, she had an umbrella, but she was still underneath the bus shelter as well.

That's.

The rain was sideways, right?

And she sung out, she said, careful, sweetie, you might get wet.

And there's me absolutely dripping drenched.

And it was just, it was that moment of, oh my God, that levity that I needed.

You know, look for it, you will find it.

It will find you.

And do you know what?

If you cannot face going out, that is also okay.

Look out the window, get your nature therapy that way.

Look at some beautiful nature scenes, watch a documentary, listen to some birdsong, but still move your body.

This is where get down on the carpet, get down on a rug, roll out your yoga mat and do some lying down stretches.

That also counts.

So that's what I feel very passionately about communicating in the book, is that there's not a one size fits all approach.

There are loads of different things that we can do, and it's a matter of having lots of different options, high energy options, zero energy options, but still some kind of movement ritual that will feed your soul and help you feel better about just being alive.

I mean, what would you speak about with regards to the energy of autumn going into winter and then the depths of winter?

And, you know, if you're kind of into that, like flowing with the season, seeing the seasons as different times in our life, to shed, to go inwards, to be retrospective.

What would you say to someone who's kind of feeling a bit shaky, a bit fragile, and wanting to utilize the energy that we have right now?

I'm so glad you mentioned that because that's another part of the approach to winter.

So seasonally you look at summer, there's this feeling of, oh my God, it's sunny.

I want to get out in it, I want to bask in it, I want to share it.

It's outward facing, as opposed to autumn and winter, which tend to be more inward facing.

There is a call to Retreat, there is an invitation to take stock, to reflect, to plan, to digest, to heal whatever it is that speaks to you.

And I think just as we want to hibernate without stagnating, and just as we want to comfort without self sabotage, how can we turn inwards without overwhelming ourselves?

And how can we retreat without disconnecting ourselves?

And I think that is why sometimes winter can feel quite challenging because we don't have the same social appetite.

There isn't the same mojo for, you know, what if people want to make evening plans?

I'm feeling like, yes, but get back in touch in April.

I just don't fancy it.

But that doesn't mean that we don't socialize.

It might mean that we change how we socialize.

So rather than an evening out, it might be, do you know what?

If evenings suit you better, let's have a phone call.

Yeah.

Or can we meet for brunch?

Can we meet for a walk?

Or is this an opportunity for me to turn inwards and to connect with self?

It doesn't always have to be, you know, loneliness is not always a sign of only disconnection from others.

It might also be a cue that we need to check in and reconnect with ourselves.

Yeah.

But that in itself can be challenging.

Sometimes we need a little bit of shape there.

It's like, where do I start?

Oh, my God, I'm faced with myself.

This is huge.

It could be as simple as just putting your hands on your heart, saying, okay, here I am.

What's unfolding for me at the moment?

What feels important to me right now?

What's required of me?

What do I need?

What little tenderness can I offer myself?

And there are lots of other prompts in the book that will help people manage that process of looking inwards of their year in review, their, you know, understanding where they're at and where they want to move to next.

We just need a little bit of shape to that.

Yeah, absolutely.

I started it last October or November.

I did a program that took women who had just been diagnosed with ADHD through a bit of a process.

And I called it the Energy and Mindset Reprogram.

And we started, I think it was the beginning of November, and I wasn't meant to be this way, but I kind of followed the moon cycles as we went through winter, and we came out in April, and I think we met every three weeks.

And it just so happened that every time we met, something quite big was happening in the lunar cycle.

Something I.

I love and I do a bit of Research.

It was either a full moon or it was a new moon.

And each moon cycle offered something for us to be reflective on, for us to want to maybe heal or process.

And I loved being able to have that through the winter.

That, yes, we don't have the sun, we don't have these, you know, these bright days, but actually we still had the moon, and we still had that opportunity to go inwards and kind of shed.

And then we were also using the opportunity of outside in the starkness and the leaves and, like you say, the branches and the garden just being a mess and seeing the wind and the rain and kind of just accepting the mess of winter, but actually knowing that all the things that were going on, you know, the acorns falling on the floor, knowing that seeds were being planted, that we know that from the rubble there was going to be beautiful seeds that were going to fruit come April, May, time.

And that is what kept us going, that knowing that there will always be a cycle, there'll always be seasons, and we will always get through these tougher times.

And I think recognizing that even if it's stark and bleak outside, there's something going on underneath, the foundations are changing and shifting and things we're recognizing, we're able to let go of things.

And that was the process of getting this sort of understanding about ourselves, this diagnosis, processing it, seeing it for all the things that we'd seen it in the past and saying, right, what are we going to let go?

Seeing the leaves kind of shedding, it's like, what are we ready to shed as well?

What are we ready to plant?

You know, new seeds for the future.

But I wonder for you, when you're navigating clients or people or groups or anything like that, can we find this gold in winter?

Yes, we see the external brightness of this, of the sun in the summer, but it's very much external.

Like you say, we're out, it's all outward.

But actually, I think the big stuff, we're nurturing in the winter, aren't we?

Do you know what?

There are so many metaphors for us in winter to really find deep sustenance from.

And I want to challenge this notion that, yes, it looks like it's fallow time, and it looks like it's pretty stark and barren, and it would be easy to sort of look at winter and think that it's death and it's decay.

But actually, I'll never forget, as a kid, I grew up in Australia, and there was one Christmas that we came over here to the uk.

And it was the first white Christmas I ever had.

And on this occasion, I can remember going out of the morning and seeing this blanket of snow.

And on the blanket of snow, there were a myriad of footprints.

And it was fascinating.

You know, it was like trying to work out who belonged, what belonged to who.

But it reminded me that nature's not dead.

You know, it appears that she is sleeping, but winter is absolutely teeming with life.

It really is.

And it's about opening our eyes to seeing it.

And I think one of my most recent peak life moments was witnessing the starling murmurations.

You know, if that's not an evidence of life, I don't know what is.

Just a phenomenal experience.

But, yes, there is this shedding, there is this turning inwards.

And I think probably one of the metaphors that I love most about this season is that it reminds us.

So for the trees that shed their leaves, there's this sense of nature is modeling for us that how we show up doesn't have to look the same day in, day out.

And she can be perfect in full bloom.

And she can be perfect in her most stripped back, bare form, just as we can be perfect in, you know, with our full face or in our Jamies with a bare face.

I love that.

And she also shows us that how we give of ourselves can be tweaked according to our capacity.

So those trees that give nuts and fruit in summer, she can't do that all year round.

And that's fine, but she's still providing protection.

She's still providing safety.

The deer are still going to eat her bark, but that's.

That's okay.

She can sustain that.

So it says to us that what we give of ourselves can be responsive to what we have available to us to offer.

It doesn't always have to be.

You give to your depletion, regardless of where you're at.

We can honor our needs, too, while still being loving, generous, caring, nurturing human beings.

Yeah, and we definitely reflect nature as women for sure, with our cyclical nature.

And I know that you work a lot with perimenopause as well.

And a lot of my community are, you know, going through difficult perimenopause, and it's often the perimenopausal, you know, more challenging symptoms that they're uncovering.

Their ADHD or the ADHD is coming to the forefront, and the sort of the collision of the two is very difficult.

And we know sleep is a big part of managing our ADHD symptoms, helps us feel better but when we're going through perimenopause, often our sleep is challenged.

And this is my experience last night I had literally, I think I woke up, you know, half past two, my eyes were pinged open, I was dripping in sweat, and for two and a half hours I was lying there worrying, catastrophizing, overthinking and all of this.

And I just lay there.

And it was only when I just kind of went, you just need to just lean into this.

It's is just, you know, I kind of know where I am in my cycle and for about a week I have a really, really disturbed pattern of sleep.

And then I kind of just accepted where I was and thankfully I fell back asleep.

But I know today I'm probably operating on about 60% fuel.

I mean, it's a, it's a miracle I'm managing to actually get my words out today.

And so it's just a reflection of, as women, we've got our own internal cycles.

Whether we're going through perimenopause or we're just navigating our menstrual cycle.

We are caring for so many people.

And often that caregiving doesn't, is relentless.

We don't have those moments where we can just go, sorry, guys, I'm off for three months.

Take care of yourselves.

How would you speak to someone who is going through difficult perimenopause or, or just different hormonal cycles?

And the knowledge of winter coming is just another weight that they have to bear.

How do we.

I want to, I want to give women some tools to say this is okay and I can navigate this in my own way.

The first mantra is, it's not you, it's winter.

It's hard because it's hard.

And from a scientific point of view, colder temperatures, less daylight, it changes so many functions.

It means that we need more sleep.

It changes the food that we crave.

We tend to crave more calorie rich foods.

It doesn't just change what we crave.

It actually makes us feel hungrier and it makes us feel less satisfied by our food.

It was not you.

It's winter.

And I think if we can just offer ourselves that dispensation, there's less of a feeling of there's some personal deficit going on.

It's not, it's just the outer variables are different.

So we need to tweak expectations of ourselves and offer ourselves a little more compassion.

So I think that's, that's really the key.

Put your hands on your heart and say Sweetie, of course you feel hard because it's hard.

This will pass.

This is just a season.

It's a chapter of our lives that requires us to do things differently in this chapter.

And then this is when we need to take a look at the kind of supportive practices that we can turn to.

Now, what can we do that will bring a sense of comfort and peace into our lives?

And I love rituals of touch because they're so accessible and because they really do have a tangible impact on the state of our nervous system functioning, they can shift us more into rest and digest mode.

And if people are thinking, what is that?

Well, it could be as simple as cradling your chin and your hands.

Just that gesture.

And if you try it, I find it virtually impossible to trash talk myself when I do this.

You feel that beautiful sense of warmth you're connecting with the feeling of being held.

I love that.

Gorgeous, isn't it?

We can just remind ourselves, you know, there's a real intention.

With this gesture, you're not just slapping your hands on your face, you are consciously cradling yourself.

And with that gesture, you are saying you are deserving of that same kindness that you so generously extend to everyone else.

You can extend it to yourself as well.

And that can be a beautiful little circuit breaker.

Yeah, well, I love the idea of.

It's something helps me.

And not all of us are able to get away in the sun in the winter.

Obviously it would be lovely to go and get some winter sun and just absorb that vitamin D, but I know that's not always possible.

I've got the illumi light, the satellite, which, remember, I remember reading last year that the earlier you bring it in, the better the benefits are.

So I actually bought mine in September and if I'm working in the morning, I just have it on.

I've actually got it on now, which is why I feel very pale.

I thought, let's just, let's just try and boost it while I'm having this conversation with you.

And that, I think has helped me.

I put it.

Yeah, like I said, I put it on in the morning.

And I think, right, if I can just get that light on my face for half an hour, let's see how I feel during the day.

And if I'm more energized, I think it's making a difference.

And a lot of people do, do swear by it.

Something else that I try and do is cook these nutritious, healthy, you know, heartwarming meals.

The meat casseroles and the bee and the Beans and the stews and the soup and get like beautiful sourdough bread and fresh butter and these little treats that feel like micro, micro holidays that I can just be like, this is gorgeous.

Anything that I can do that will just make me look forward to the next week.

So in a couple of weeks on a Saturday, I've booked into a pottery workshop, which I've never done before, and I saw it advertised.

I thought, I don't care what the weather's going to be because I'm going to go and do something creative for a couple of hours.

I know right now there's lots of wreath making workshops going on, but anyone that kind of just needs a little something, anything that just helps you through these darker months for me is kind of.

It just goes right, great, I've got something to look forward to.

I know not all of us are privileged enough to do things like that, but even if it's just buying something like a beautiful piece of cheese and getting some nice crackers and chutneys and making it special, that kind of thing.

And not, it's.

It's not about depriving ourselves.

It's almost like treating ourselves, ourselves and spoiling ourselves.

And having that moment of this is a harder time.

How can we make this easier?

With little moments of enjoyment.

These rituals like nice candles, baths, salts or oils and buying like a beautiful body lotion that we can use, booking a massage, having some reflexology like this is.

I hope that people are kind of taking note because if you have every few, few weeks a little something dotted in the diary, before you know it, with everyone's such busy schedules, we might get ourselves to march and then march, the clocks change and the sun comes out again.

That's right.

That's kind of my strategy this year.

That's what I'm going to try and do.

Yeah, I think that makes the world a difference.

Just having small things that you can anticipate.

Yes.

And I think if we can take a look at our home environment too, and just very, very simple things like make sure you open up your blinds, open up your curtains, open the windows.

Oh, yeah.

Make sure that there's not foliage obscuring your windows.

So you're maximizing the amount of natural light that comes in and then having some kind of layering of light that can really help.

Don't just put fairy lights up at Christmas.

Let them stay up for the next four months, you know, and carefully light whichever room you're in.

Light it, have it, have a layer of light so that it Creates that sort of doesn't have to be just the one central light.

It could be having some lamps that you can turn on.

The candles that you've mentioned that can make so much difference.

Getting more color into your home interiors, choosing a throw in a really vibrant color, dressing yourself in color that you love.

You know, this really does.

Making sure that there's color in your plate.

All of these things do have a tangible impact and none of those things incur much of a financial cost.

I mean, obviously it costs to light your home, but you know, doing it carefully.

You don't leave lights on in rooms that you're not in heat.

The rooms that you're in invest in a really decent weighted blanket and you maybe don't need as much central heating.

Snuggle up together and then you've got that combined feeling of, of togetherness as well as the, the beautiful sensation of warmth from the blanket itself.

Yeah, it's about the rituals, isn't it?

I think looking, you know, our lives where we have these rituals in place and they feel compassionate and they feel nurturing and you know, listen, you're the self care expert here.

I know so many of your books have been based on, on different types of self care, but you're.

Now you are more about self advocacy, not waiting for someone to give us the permission.

It's saying we're claiming this for ourselves.

And from what I just said then is like having these little things booked in.

Whether it's creative, whether it's nurturing, whether it's just getting some food that feels really warming.

We don't need someone to say you're allowed to do that.

It's okay for you to have some red meat and potatoes and gravy and enjoy that.

We are saying we're claiming this.

This is, these are going to be our rituals.

And this is what I feel like today.

You know, whether one morning I'll wake up and feel like going on a cold winter's run and the next morning I might wake up and just want to do a very slow restorative yoga class and then go and have a hot bath afterwards.

We don't need to wait for anyone to give us permission.

Tell me a little bit about how you're kind of moving from the self care space more to the self advocacy space.

I'm really interested to hear.

So it's necessary because nine books in people are saying, yes, I'd love to do this, but I still don't feel like it's okay for me to do it.

So that's why I want to take a look at what, what has led us to believe that it's not okay for us to prioritize ourselves.

It's not okay for us to be direct and make requests and speak up on our behalf.

That, you know, this suggestion that.

Well, I mean, it's really a fear of being seen as selfish and this commitment to selflessness that really means that people are subjugating their needs and are squashing their emotions in trying to prioritize everyone else's needs above their own.

And I think we know the consequences of that.

So that's why I'm turning my attention to empowering people with the skills of self advocacy, helping them come home to themselves.

Because I think so much of it is that we are disconnected.

Yeah.

You know, we're living up here.

We're sort of not even aware of what's going on down here.

And we're saying to ourselves, if we do sense it, push on.

Come on.

Because a good person is someone that's productive and is self reliant and doesn't need others.

Yeah.

And it's, it's a, it's a recipe for, for burnout and it's a recipe for disconnection not just from ourselves, but from each other.

Because how can we connect authentically and meaningfully with any other human being if we are not pitching up with our full selves?

If it's just this, you know, archetype of this, this person who doesn't have needs and feelings, it's.

There's nothing real about that, is there?

Yeah.

And I'm so glad that you mentioned this because burnout is unfortunately very prevalent in women who are now understanding ADHD has been driving them and they're sort of this need for productivity and busyness and not being able to understand why they found it so difficult to slow down and to rest.

Because, you know, from a neurobiological perspective, they've just been constantly, you know, driven by this internal motor that they thought was just because they weren't worthy.

They just always had to keep doing more to feel enough.

And I truly believe that once we get a diagnosis and we're able to understand from a neurobiological perspective of what ADHD is, we're then able to say that it's okay, it's safe to rest.

And we work so much with our nervous system and this recognition that we've just been in this kind of productivity cycle constantly.

Because if I just do a bit more, then I'll be enough.

If I just show up a little bit more or if I just change who, who I am and just work, you know, like we've been masking, we've been holding the fort, we've been, I'll just do that extra, extra degree, I'll just do that extra project or whatever that is.

And actually it's not felt safe to rest.

And this hypervigilance that's been driving us because we've not understood about ourselves has been the force.

And unfortunately burnout then comes and then, then we sort of have to take time off work or we get signed off sick or we have to go on lots of medication and then it's like starts again.

So I would love more women now for to have this self advocacy to say, right, I understand what's been going on from a wiring perspective, from a nervous system perspective.

And a mantra that I have to constantly repeat to myself is, it's safe to rest, it's safe to recharge, it's okay to not be working.

I have this sort of incessant story within me that is you should really be just checking on something that surely there's something you should be doing.

I think you've missed something.

What about that mistake you made?

You need to check that email again.

And that's been my inner narrative.

And that's because I still make these mistakes.

I still make very inattentive mistakes, which comes with my type of adhd, where over the weekend I sent two emails by mistake.

So one was meant to go that day and it was.

One was meant to go next week and two went out at the same time.

And that old story was like, there you go, you didn't check, you should have checked.

You were rushing.

So on my walk I had to actively say, it's safe to rest, it's okay to not be working right now.

It's Sunday, you're allowed to have a break.

And there's a lot of women out there who are desperate for this permission, desperate to say, it's okay, you're doing enough, you don't need to be doing anymore.

And that's what I kind of love about what you're doing here now that maybe winter we can reclaim instead of it being this fear and this anxiety.

It's like, maybe winter is going to be our moment where we can rest more and recharge and have moments of deep reflection and plan.

How do we want spring to look like?

How do we want.

Do we want these burnout cycles anymore?

Maybe I'm just speaking for myself out loud here because I often find these podcasts of my moments of reflection.

And I kind of see where, yeah, where I'm, you know, I need to change.

And I wonder what you think about that.

I love that, you know, that's exactly how I close the book.

You know, having shared what I love about winter, the opportunities that are available to us.

I close the book with three simple prompts.

And they are.

My purpose this winter is you get to fill in the blank.

I give myself permission to.

You get to fill in the blank.

And my priorities are.

Can we just repeat that?

Because I know that someone might be going, where's a pen?

Where's a pen?

So my purpose this winter is I give myself permission to.

And my priorities are love.

And it is all about choice.

It is all about what is it that you need, what matters to you?

How can you nurture yourself in this chapter of your life?

Yeah, it's so empowering.

I love that I've written that down and that I'm going to go and put that on a piece of paper.

I'm going to have that on my desk as a reminder that it's okay to stop, it's okay to slow down, it's safe to rest.

I deserve to recharge and renourish myself.

And nothing bad is going to happen if an email doesn't go out, you know, on the day it's meant to go out.

And that's what I have to, you know, tell myself.

And we have to tell our nervous systems as well.

Our nervous systems are just constantly like, you know, you say this fight or flight.

And when we've been operating like that for many years, decades, to move out of this sort of sympathetic nervous system and start bringing ourselves back into the parasympathetic, it feels very, it doesn't feel like we recognize we have to get to know this, this, this new place.

And it feels unfamiliar.

But it doesn't mean that unfamiliar is bad.

It just means that unfamiliar is maybe something we can get curious about.

Absolutely.

I think it's also, we need to take a look at context because in terms of self advocacy, it's not just in our heads that we've heard, be quiet, pipe down, keep yourself small.

You know, it's, it's littered in so many things that are just held to the true in society.

Like, you know, don't get too big for your boots.

Yeah, yeah, don't be too needy.

You know, a good baby is one that doesn't cry.

You know, a good adult is someone that's self sufficient and can just Carry on.

Relentless.

Was it relentless?

Just resilience kind of thing.

So there is.

There is an element of taking a look at where is it genuinely safe for us to show up as we are?

Where is it genuinely safe for us to give voice?

Who are our safe people?

I think that's an important part of the conversation because sometimes we can't just go from people pleasing to being completely direct and honest and expecting everyone to be okay with that.

You know, there might be some fallout, there's going to be some tweaks to boundaries, there might be some changes in work practices that might mean that we seek an organizational culture where there's greater alignment.

So I think that context piece is really important where people are feeling like, is it safe for me to do that?

It's actually okay for us to question, is it safe for us to do what we need to do and what changes do we need to make in the outer variables of our life that will allow us to do what we need to do to feel safe and healthy in relationship with ourselves?

Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Because change is scary.

And doing things for ourselves and making those claims like self advocacy, asking for the accommodations, whether it's at work, or deciding that our external environment isn't working for us, whether it's friendships, relationships, work, career, so much comes to the forefront, especially I think, during perimenopause.

It's kind of like a big mirror in front of us going, you've ignored this, you've ignored all these feelings, you know, in your 20s and your 30s, because you were told by society and you were told by external kind of conditioning that you just need to keep quiet.

But actually, I mean, this is where I get very excited about perimenopause because even though it's very difficult for us to.

To bear and manage, we get a bit braver and we get less tolerant of all this stuff that hasn't been working for us.

And that mirror comes up and shows us that you have to change, otherwise you're going to get sick or you're going to be very, you know, depressed, or you're going to feel so repressed and stagnant that something's going to happen, you know, you know, in your health.

So, yeah, I think sometimes we have to just lean into the scary, lean into the change and just be super compassionate and keep telling ourselves that it's safe.

It's safe for us to ask for what we want and need and it's okay.

It's okay to be happy, it's okay to want Things in a way that works better for us, that feels more effortless and feels easier because again, we've been conditioned, that life's hard.

You know, you've got to, you've got to work.

There's all, you know, you've got, there's got to be grit there because otherwise you're not going to succeed.

So we have to change.

There's so much and unraveling and unlayering and I think people like you who are giving us that permission, these beautiful books that you're doing that moving away from just this, you know, and I'm not saying that you do this, but have a bath or light a candle and then everything will be fine.

It's like, no, it's this self advocacy of let's, let's start asking for what we really need.

Let's all start asking for what is truly, you know, authentic to us.

And it might shake some foundations, it might ruffle some feathers, but it, it's still okay.

It's still, still okay to do those things.

So whether it's winter or summer, you can still do it.

But I wonder if winter is this, that moment of deep reflection where we can go inwards and we maybe do spend more time on our own and maybe that's okay as well to enjoy our, our own time.

And I mean, I love spending time on my own and having a bit time just to think and maybe, maybe we can all reclaim that a little bit.

The art of enjoying our own company.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, Susie, man, I absolutely love speaking to you.

You're so calm.

I feel that your personality is reflected beautifully in your books as well.

It just feels like a warm hug, a compassionate, empowering warm hug.

And I know that people listen to this right now will be like, I need to read your book.

I need to get more tools and strategies and maybe enjoy winter for the first time.

Tell people a little bit where they can find your book and I guess any projects that you've got coming up.

Well, I'm so lucky.

It really is very widely available.

So it's on Amazon, it's stocked online in Waterstones and W.H.

smith.

But if there's somewhere local to you, if there's a local bookshop that you want to support and they've not got it in, they will order it for you.

So this is how we can support local as well.

And I'm going to be sharing all of my favorite wintry or hunting discoveries.

So if anyone's feeling like, oh, I don't know, I haven't got the bandwidth to read a book then just follow me on on Instagram where I'm going to share all of my my wintry or finds.

Love that and and I hope that can inspire as well.

I'm sure it will.

Suzy, thank you so much for being here and for sharing all your wisdom.

And yeah, I'm off to to write my affirmations now and have them in front of me and hopefully that might be an I feel more energized.

Even after this conversation I feel more positive about winter and actually feel like I am going to try and embrace winter and with a slightly different perspective and mindset shift.

And I know that your book will help lots of people as well.

So thank you so much.

Oh it's such a pleasure.

I look forward to wintering with you and that's what this is about.

It's about sharing the experience.

So I'm looking forward to hearing the fruits of your reflections.

Will you share them on socials?

Let's.

Let's winter together.

Let's do it.

That's what makes the difference.

Love that.

If you've enjoyed today's episode, I invite you to check out my brand new subscription podcast called the Toolkit.

Now this is where I'm going to be opening up my entire library.

My vault of information from over the years, my workshops, webinars and courses, my conversations with experts about hormones, nutrition, lifestyle and bringing brand new up to date content from global experts.

This is going to be an amazing resource for you to support you and guide you even more on more niche topics and conversations so you can really thrive and learn to live your best life with adhd.

I'm so excited about this.

Please just check out it's the Toolkit on Apple Podcast and you get a free trial.

Really hope to see you there.