Correct. Yeah. I mean, were they supportive all the way and then this was just on you? Or was it when you said, Hey, I got a doctor's appointment, I gotta take my kids. Did they all again, and I may, may, may have said that, but the feeling came across right. Nobody ever said it, Tony.

But I just, now that you asked that, I just have memories. Being at the doctor with people from work calling me, asking me for stuff. And where I have, I'm a very good communicator in that I, if I have something to do, I'll tell you where I am and when I'm gonna be there, and I'll put a plan together. Right. I'll call you after or whatever. But no, they were still calling me nonstop. Ask me for stuff. Where's this, where's that? And that, that was hard for me 'cause I don't, I don't innately don't like to disappoint people. Right. We'll

discuss race and how it plays a factor and how we didn't even talk about this topic because we were afraid.

A Black Executive perspective.

Ooh, we're coming to you live from the new BEP studio for another thought provoking episode of A Black Executive Perspective Podcast of safe space where we discuss all matters related to race, culture, and those uncomfortable topics people tend to avoid. I'm your host, Tony Tidbit. So very excited to share this episode with you today. But before we get started, first I wanna remind everyone to make sure you check out our partners at Code M Magazine, whose mission is to save the black family by first saving the black man. So definitely check them out @codemmagazine.com. That is Code M Magazine. Dot com. So today we sit down with Lauren Burke, marketing leader, entrepreneur and modern executive mother to explore the intersections of career growth, major transitions, and the reality of raising a multicultural family while building a thriving business. Lauren will share her unique journey growing up in a white and Latino household as a. First generation college graduate, navigating the corporate world and how motherhood shaped her career aspirations and leadership. Approach. Let me tell you a little bit about my friend Lauren Burke. Lauren Burke has built a dynamic career in the advertising tech and digital media industry holding key leadership roads across both emerging startups and global enterprises. Now the founder, CEO and fractional CMO of LJS Advisory, she leads a strategic marketing agency. Dedicated to driving growth for ambitious businesses through innovative and results driven marketing solutions. In addition to her agency, Lauren has created the Marketing Spice, a Thought Provoking Block platform where she sells its shares, insights on industry trends, leadership, and life. Passionate about celebrating and elevating voices in the industry. Lauren has recently launched the Female Founder series during, during Women's History Month, spotlighting the Journey and lessons of powerful women like herself, uh, entrepreneurs who are redefining success in marketing and business. Lauren Burke, my friend, my sister. Welcome to A Black Executive Perspective Podcast.

Hi Tony, so happy to be here with you,

my girl. We're happy to be here. Especially, you know, obviously you're taking time from your busy family and all the multiple roles that you have going on, so we appreciate you investing the time with us today to talk about this very important topic. But before we get started, tell us a little bit about where you're currently residing and a little bit about your family.

I currently reside in Fairfield, Connecticut, not far from where we're sitting right now. In the studio. I live with my husband John, um, who is from Ireland originally, and my two sons, Liam and James, who are nine and five.

Wow. Wow. So tell me a little bit, how is that in terms of two boys, four years apart and a husband and you're the only female in the house?

Boy mom life is, uh, it's an interesting life, right? Um, they're crazy, they're fun. Um, things are, are always chaos, but in the best of ways at our house, for sure.

Well, when you say chaos, like give us an example. I.

So my boys love each other. They hate each other, they beat on each other, they snuggle each other. It's just like a rollercoaster with these two boys.

No. So that is a little chaos. Yeah. So I can definitely empathize. Yeah. So listen my friend, um, you know, like we, I stated earlier in your bio and all the things you're doing, you're very busy. You have a lot of stuff going on. Why did you want to come on BEP to talk about this topic?

So I share with you this funny story before we dive in is. I think any working mom can relate to is I'm packing my bag, you know, getting ready to go to the studio. I'm excited, I've, you know, prepared. I'm putting my laptop in my bag and I hear this crunch like, oh God, what, what is it this time? So I look at the bottom of my bag and there's probably a thousand Cheerios just crunching at the bottom of the bag, and I'm like. Sorry, Tony, like, I'm gonna be late because this is one of those parenting moments you can't, you can't really plan for. Um, that being said though, so the reason I'm really here is because, you know, as a mother and as a business person, these are two really important roles. Um, on one hand, I. You are building the next generation of people on this planet. On the other hand, as a business person, you're really influencing the economy. You're influencing culture. Um, so these are roles that I don't take lightly. Um, and I, and I really, you know, want to discuss, um, because I think there are challenges that come with both. And just like anything, you know, race, culture, the more you talk about these things, um, the better off everybody will be. And I think it's important, you know, you and I, Tony, like, yes, I'm, I'm a mother. You know, you are a father. It's really about not just motherhood, but parenthood, right? We all have our own unique struggles, um, in this game, being a working parent. So I think the more we can kind of come together as men, women, people, the better.

That's awesome and I totally agree with, well listen, you ready to go at it?

Yeah, let's do it.

All right. Let's talk about it. So one of the things, and you just said a lot there, which we'll definitely dive into, but you know, one of the things, you grew up in a multicultural family. Um, talk a little bit about that and how it shaped your life.

Sure. So my mother was born in Cuba. Uh, she moved to the US as a teenager. Um, my father, um, you know, American, but he had a very kind of heavily Italian and French influence in his house. And my stepfather, um, who was in my life, you know, from a very young age was actually from Argentina. Um, so I had a very like melting pot kind of household. Um, I would spend weeks in Miami with my Cuban family eating Croquetas on the beach. And then on Sundays we'd all sit in my grandma's tiny living room floor, eating lasagna. Like it was really kind of all over the place. Um. But, but yeah. You know, having a mother, uh, that, you know, came to this country at a young age, they lost everything. They were pharmacists in Cuba. They had all that taken away with when communism, um, you know, came to be. So, you know, obviously I wasn't there to witness her teenage years, but, you know, from what I hear, from what I see, she, you know, she learned the language. She got a job at a bank, then at an insurance company. And she had a really successful 40 year career at that one company. Um, so I always, you know, really respected that and admired that about her. That sort of, you know, rags to riches, not riches, but you know, she, she builds something of herself, right? Um, so I think I, you know, really absorbed a lot of her sort of behaviors and tendencies from a young age.

So. You, you have siblings at all? Nope.

I'm an only child. So you're only child. Yep.

So, you know, growing up in that, in, in that type of environment, um, was your mother the breadwinner or,

uh, no, it was pretty 50 50. Her and my stepfather, you know, he also had a long, you know, career at the same company as well. Um, and, you know, my dad was also involved, but. I think with my mother it was, I have to work hard, you know, or else I lose everything. This sort of catastrophic thinking. I think a lot of that because of what she went through at a young age, there's no

question. Right? Yeah. And when you are in an environment where, uh, there's a lot of turbulence, there's a lot of unknown, there's anxiety, um. Even if when you leave that environment, you, that doesn't just shake it away. Right. You still are gonna be affected by that. Yep. So watching your mother grow up, excuse me. As you grew up watching your mother work her butt off, come to a country she had no affiliation with, right. She had to find a job. Um, she got a job and she worked her butt off. Talk a little bit how that shaped you in terms of when you started into the workforce.

Yeah, so my mother really drilled in me from a young age, you know, the importance of hard work and getting a good education and I feel like she set a really sort of high bar for me, which. Um, motivated me at a, at, at in a lot of ways, right? I, I always did well in school. I was in extracurriculars, um, you know, and I really, I enjoyed it a lot as well. But, you know, on the other hand, I saw the stress that she was constantly under. So she put a lot of pressure on herself to deliver. Um, you know, she was stressed out all the time thinking she was gonna get let go. She was hospitalized a couple times because of stress. Um, and in her. I think late fifties, she actually had a stroke, um mm-hmm. Just from, you know, sort of the bad habits and behaviors that built up over the years. So, um, that all, you know, kind of really, really shaped me both in my early age and even now.

So let me ask you this, you know, one of the things in, and thanks for sharing that about your mother. Um, tell me some of the things that you took from her as you went into. You know, the professional world. You said she worked hard. Talk. Talk a little bit about those attributes that you applied to your career.

Yeah, so very early on in my career, I was hungry. I was ambitious. I was a hand raiser. Uh, you and I worked together. When I was quite young, I was always like, Hey, what can I do? What can I take on? How can I help? Um, you know, I'm, I'm a little more, we'll say adventurous than my mother, right. I'm, I was willing to take on, you know, new challenges and new things and I worked hard, but I also had fun while doing it. And, and that was all well and good, right? Like taking on more and more being able to handle it. But then, you know, the other shoe drops when you become a mother. And suddenly that I can do it all. You know, I can, I can make everyone happy. Um. It was just not possible anymore.

Right. So just so I'm clear here what I'm hearing, mother came here, didn't know nobody, she worked hard. She, uh, gave 150% wherever she went.

Yep.

She was focused on being the best that she could be. Right. And then what I'm hearing is that you emulated that a

hundred percent because

you saw her, you worked hard, you raised your hand, what can I do more? Um, so that was your motto of, of a work ethic, right? Yep. In terms of being successful.

Yep.

Now. Let's talk about, 'cause you said a couple things. There's always positives and negatives, right? Right. So you said your mother was stressed out. She was stressed out so much that she had to go to the hospital. She eventually had a stroke. Did you take, outside of the stroke? Yeah. Did you incorporate some of that stress and stuff to that nature as well?

I, I think I did. I mean. But again, it didn't, I didn't think anything of it because it was manageable. Do you know what I mean? Like, I could still go out and have fun, even though, yeah, maybe I was a little bit stressed about work or school or what have you, you know what I mean? Um, but like I. You become a mom and suddenly your responsibilities quadruple if not more. Right? Exactly. So the, I'm gonna do more at work and I'm gonna be an amazing wife and an amazing mother and a provider. 'cause I want my kids to have a beautiful life. Like that all becomes like a very heavy load to carry.

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There's no question. And that's what I wanted to get to. Right. Yeah. Because you know, one of the things, you know, you know my wife Gail.

Yeah.

You know, I didn't even think of that until one day, you know, and look, I worked hard, went out. I looked at myself as the provider and this and that, but she also worked as well, right? Yeah. And then when we had our daughters, I never forget this, is that we, we would go on a trip and you know, I would pack. And, um, she's packing and stuff and I'm like, what's taking so long? Why are you taking so long to pack? And she looked at me and said, all you do is all you gotta do is pack for yourself.

Right.

I gotta pack for me and the girls. Totally. And that was a, I, that was a wake up call for me because I, I all of a sudden, 'cause I didn't even notice it.

Right.

Right. I didn't even notice the burden that, or the, the, the stress or the, the heavy lift that she was carrying.

Yeah.

I was just seeing that. I thought I was, you know, carrying a lot. Right, right. I thought that I was, you know, you know, being the, uh, uh, um, the breadwinner. Yeah. And then, but she's not only going out and, uh, with a career going out and, and, and participating or, you know, striving in a career. Yeah. She's a mother, she's a wife and she's doing all these other things. So it just opened my eyes in terms of what women deal with.

Yeah.

Um, when they're in the workforce. Totally. That a lot of men, unfortunately, I, I hate to say it, I know things are changing, but a lot of men are oblivious to. Why don't you speak to that a little bit. Yeah.

And you know, I, I think. Women are wired a certain way. Mo you know, most of us, right? Like we're, you know, we, we carried this child. We want to see them do well. I want my, my children to have a better life than I did. Right. And I'm sure you do as a dad too, right? But I just feel this like, you know, responsibility to, to do everything for them, be everything for them, which does have a healthy all the time. Probably not either, you know what I mean? But whereas my husband, yes, he's a great dad, great husband, great provider too, but. You know, he's just not thinking about every possible eventuality for our kids. Um, you know, if I go on a business trip. I'm thinking about what, what's the family going to eat while I'm away? Right. So, you know, maybe I'm making a, a couple meals in advance so he doesn't have to worry about it. Um, but that's a decision I made. Right. Um, so I think it, you know, it's good that, that Gail brought that to you and said, Hey, you know, I'm, I'm packing for my, for the girls, I'm packing for three. So I think it's important for us women to, to kind of vocalize the extra burden that we have, right?

There's no question. Right? Yeah. And here's the thing. There's a lot of women that do that. And, and it's an, you know, it's innate, you know? Yeah. They're, you. The, you know, I learned this a long time ago when I first got married. Uh, I think pastor of my church told me this and he said, look, you know, now you're married, you gonna be, you come last I. Okay. Yeah. So now it's gonna be all about the kids for her.

Yeah. Right. And then I

remember I was like, oh no big deal. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, sure. But then there was times I was like, you, you don't care about about me. You forgot about me. Alright. Yeah. And so think about that. Um, the woman, my wife, not only ha had to take care of two kids, but she's taking, she's worried about my feelings too, because sometimes I feel neglected. Okay. Yeah. Um, but I wanna go to one thing though, here too, right. I get it. Most women feel that way. Yeah. Most women are that way. Like I said a minute ago, it's innate. Um, you know, once you, you're carrying a baby in your body. Right? Right. So you are going to be, um, more emotionally connected. That makes total sense.

Right.

Where we need to do a better job at. Which is the next question I want to ask you. Tell me about when you were in corporate America. And you had a pivotal role.

Sure.

And you had your children and a project came up, or travel came up and all these type things. Talk a little bit about that and talk a little bit about how the company saw that supported you or didn't support you.

Yeah. So, you know, first of all, I feel like in my early years of motherhood, I sort of. Overcompensated in a lot of ways and work extra hard to sort of show that, yeah, I can be a great mom and be a great employee. You're, you know, you're not losing any of me because I'm a mom, right? So, you know, that actually caused me like complete burnout. I handed in my notice at a company 'cause I couldn't do it anymore, um, to which they kind of offered me a promotion and a raise. And I was like, okay, you know what? With this extra money, I'll get extra help, you know, with the kids and it'll be better. But I didn't realize at the time you've gotta do the inner work, right? Like you've gotta change some of the behaviors that you've developed over the years, um, to be in the right mindset, to be able to sort of compartmentalize better between work and home. So I feel like that was early days. I definitely lost myself in those early days of motherhood. Um, and that was a theme that continued with me throughout my corporate career. I would change jobs, change companies, hoping it would be different, but it wasn't the company at the end of the day, like it was me. Yes. Maybe it was the company in certain ways. Right. So when you

say it was you, like, what do you mean

in that? You know, I still felt that like extreme need to kind of prove myself and work extra, extra hard. You mean at the company?

At

whatever company I was at. Right? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then still working extra hard as a mom. Right. So. You know, which leads me to one of my, you know, more recent experiences that you mentioned was, uh, we had planned a trip to Disneyland with the boys like nine months in advance. Um, and, you know, finally it came, came time to, to take the trip and I had this kind of unplanned project that was a really big project. Um, and I was so worried about it. I was like. You know, I'm either letting my company down or I'm letting my kids down. And that, I hate to say it was hard, it was a hard decision. 'cause I don't wanna let anybody down, you know? Right, right. Um, but at the end of the, at the end of the day, I was like, you can't tell two small boys that's their first time to Disneyland. You're not going to Disneyland because of work. What example am I setting there? Right. So, luckily I had, you know, a supportive manager. I put together, you know, a plan for coverage. Um, but I was still stressed out of my mind and to me that was a major turning point where I was like, I can't keep going at this pace anymore. Um, I need to make a change. That, that night packing, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. Mm-hmm. And what was sort of flashing in front of my eyes was my mother, I. You know, in the hospital after a stroke.

Wow. Wow. You know, let me ask you this. What was, 'cause you said something and I don't wanna, um, bypass it.

Yeah.

You said, Hey, I was stressed out. I was trying to be the best in both parts. I resigned.

Yeah.

Right. And then they threw more money at me and gave me a promotion. Yeah. And then I said, okay, I'll stay. Okay. So let me ask you this before lemme ask you this first question. Sure, sure. Um, did whoever your manager was, or the company, did they have anything to do with you feeling stressed out in terms of you had to. You know, tried to be the best here, and then at the same time you had tried to be the best at home. So, in other words

Sure. What role did the company play in it? Correct, correct. Yeah. I mean, were

they supportive all the way and then this was just on you? Or was it when you said, Hey, I got a doctor's appointment, I gotta take my kids. Did they all again, and I may, may not have said that, but the feeling came across. Nobody ever said it, Tony,

but I just, now that you ask that, I just have memories being at the doctor with people from work calling me, asking me for stuff, and. I have, I'm a very good communicator in that I, if I have something to do, I'll tell you where I am and when I'm gonna be there, and I'll put a plan together. Right. I'll call you after or whatever. But no, they were still calling me nonstop. Ask me for stuff. Where's this, where's that? And that, that was hard for me 'cause I don't, I don't innately don't like to disappoint people. Right. And I was constantly disappointing them. Um, but did they play a role in this? Absolutely. If, if I've got a doctor's appointment, don't call me.

Well, so let me, let me, okay. Yeah. So that's good to know. Yeah. Now let me ask you the next question. Okay. They gave you more money to stay.

Yeah.

They gave you a promotion, right? Did their behaviors change?

No. No.

Right. Yeah. So when you say, I, when you say, and I get it, it's all on me. Right? Right. And I get to a certain level of that, right? Yeah. But at the end of the day, they were part of the stress. Right? It's true. So even though they gave you more money Yeah. Even though they gave you promotion. Yeah. Their behaviors didn't change. Sure. So why would your behavior of feeling stressed out? That's fair. I think we're all accountable

here in some way. Right?

Well, I, I'm, I'm reason I bring it up. I would've thought the same thing. You know, until, yeah. I had that conversation with Gail. Yeah. I was oblivious to Sure. Yeah. Right. Not that I, maybe, you know, but I was about to say, not that I'm a mean guy, but she might been thinking about You're not a mean guy. She might be like, yeah, he was mean then. 'cause he didn't see my point of view. Right. Right. But I, I think that a lot of times when we're at work, um, even if people do have spouses

Yeah.

Or they do have kids.

Yeah.

They don't think about what their spouses, especially if they work, what they go through. Right. And then they don't bring that same thought process Sure. To the people that they work with.

Yeah. Right? Yep. And then

till now, their employees, the women feel this extra burden. Sure. That they gotta carry, they gotta. Be, uh, uh, on call and, and be engaged and right. And all these things as their male counterparts. But at the end of the day, they have these extra things. I don't say extra, but they got other responsibilities. Right. With their family. Sure. Right. Where they're trying to be the best in that area. Yeah. As well, right? Yeah. Yep. So let me ask you this. What, what, um. You know, you eventually, and then you got to a point where you said, Hey, I felt that I was stressed out. Yeah. You know about the Disneyland trip? Sure. Right. So what, what, and you said that was, if I heard you right. Yeah. That was the last straw. So what did you do from there?

So I knew I needed to figure out something. Right? And I realized at that point, my aha moment was, yeah, you can find a new company in a new role, but you know, this is gonna be a lot of the same, right. Different color, different flavor, but it's the same. Um, so I was like. Always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Even as a, a child, I was always creating things. I would, um, you know, create wedding dress designs or fashion designs. Um, I, I would invent things. I invented this hat with like a built-in makeup compartment, super girly, by the way. And now I'm a boy mom, of course. Um, but hold

on. No, they probably, somebody probably, uh, made that right. Somebody probably already, it probably exists somewhere and exists. Is somebody making billions? Right? I mean, look,

mine was taped together, but it was pretty cool at the time, in 1994. Um, but yeah, so I was always sort of had this kind of creative energy, um, that, you know, I feel like maybe I lost a little bit as a, as a working mom 'cause that was such a constant grind, you know what I mean? Um, but before I had kids, I was always coming up with new business ideas. So that all of this being said, my husband, you know, being the great partner that he is, um, was like, maybe now is the time that you go off on your own. And I told him and myself all the reasons why that was a terrible idea. And it took me months to kind of build myself up to the point where I was like, you know what? I'm doing this. There's no great time to start to go on your own. Right. There's, it's always going to be a risk, but it's a risk. I feel right now I have to take

So now and, and, and I'm glad you did, right? Yeah. Because I think that's something that most people, especially a day, they're starting to look at in terms of, you know, having their own business and, and working for themselves. However, let me ask you this question. Did the pressure go away?

Um, it didn't, it didn't. So now, you know, being, uh, an entrepreneur, working for myself, I certainly feel like I have more control, which is, is very helpful. So, um, you know, I'm, I plan my days, you know, pretty well, right? So I'm able to be, you know, the best at my job servicing clients and a more present mother. 'cause I, I. I know I held myself to unreasonable standards, but I do think my kids deserve better outta me in a lot of ways. Um, and now I'm able to do that for them.

So dive into that a little bit further. Yeah. How do you integrate? Because before you had a hard time doing it. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Working in corporate America. Yep. Right. Now you, and you said a little bit, I can plan a little bit, but talk about how do you integrate. You know, being a motherhood as well as now being an entrepreneur. Sure. Right out. And I know you said, Hey look, I can plan a little bit more. Yeah. But talk a little bit more about that.

Yeah. So, I mean, planning is huge. Um, you know, you can't just fly by the seat of your pants, like in a corporate job, especially not as an entrepreneur. Um, now I don't have an assistant yet, but I do have, I do have, you know, help. Right. Um, so I would say. Get a wall sized calendar. That's what I have. Three month calendar has all the kids, various kids activities. It has my and my husband's work obligations. So, you know, I plan my days down to the minute essentially. Um, another thing is like, you gotta prioritize what matters to you. And that's gonna change on a daily basis, right? So, you know, if you like to cook, you know, build time in so you can cook a nice dinner for yourself and your family. Now, if you don't like to cook. You know, you already know you're gonna outsource that you're gonna get takeout or you're gonna get some kind of meal service. Right? So prioritize what matters, delegate the rest, whether it's laundry, you know, picking your kids up from school if, if needed. Um, you know, I think all of us can be better at delegating, but first you have to realize you can't do it all. Right? Right. Mm-hmm. Right.

I, and I think one of the things you said earlier, when you're at work. As much as, no matter what your title is. Yeah. Right. No matter what your role is. And, and you do have a calendar. Yeah. And you do plan your calendar, but when you get to work, it can totally change a hundred percent. Right. Because you are at the beck and call of somebody else. Yeah. Right? Absolutely. When you have your own business, right? Yeah. You still gotta be streamlined. You still gotta be, uh, buttoned up. But to, I love the word that you said, prioritize. Yeah. Right. You can prioritize. Do you priorit, do you, so let me ask you this question. In terms of planning, do you prioritize, um, the family first and do your business around all the things that you have to do with the family, or do you prioritize the business first and then do everything around, uh, with the family around your business?

So it really depends, Tony, again, on the day, like, you know, I, on the days where I have to pick up my son from school. I have, I'm very straight up with my son. He's five. I'm like, look, when we get home I've gotta work a little bit. Right? And you know, he may not love it 'cause he is five, but I'm still sitting there, right there with him, right? He sees me working hard and he sees me, you know, there providing for him whether it's attention or food or you know, what have you, right? But then I do try to kind of turn off, close the laptop and then give him undivided attention. Um, whereas before I'd be, you know, on the laptop, a little bit of attention back on the laptop, a little bit of attention. Right. I do try to sort of segment that off more, um, than I did in the past.

I mean, but to be fair though, too, when, when everybody was going in the office, yeah, you wouldn't be able to spend time with him at all. Yeah, you would have to a hundred percent focus on exactly what you're doing. Right? Yeah. So now you do a little bit of both.

Right, right. Yep. So just

so I'm clear here. Yeah. Do you, 'cause you talked about having that big calendar, 90 day, 60 day, whatever it was. Right. Do you put all the kids stuff up?

Yeah.

Right. I gotta drop 'em here. They have activities at this time. I gotta do this and that. And then do you set your meetings and stuff around that? Right.

I try. Yes. I absolutely try to. Got it. Got it. You know, my husband and I just, it's really a tag team, you know what I mean? If I've got a big meeting that has to happen at X time, you know, husband's like, I got you. Or, or if he's not like, I got you. I'm like. No, no, no. You got me. Got it. Right. Got it. Got got it. So, yeah. Got it. That's important too.

Now, let's be fair now too. Yeah. Right. There's a lot of women. Um, Gail was that way, and to a certain level, she wa she wanted the kids to get to a certain age before she went back to work. But there's a lot of women that's like, I. I can never be at home. I need to work. Right. I'm not gonna stop working. Yeah. Right. However, they still deal with some of the same issues, right. That you deal with. So how sure. And sometimes they may, may feel guilty about that. Yeah, totally. So speak to them, talk to them how, you know, they can still do that and balance their life as well.

Yeah. I mean, I think you have to try to take the guilt factor out of it, right? Like. We're all born a certain way. You know, we grew up a certain way. We have certain beliefs, right? For me, you know, getting a good education, getting a, you know, a good job or, you know, making a a a worthwhile career was always a priority for me, and I knew it always would be. Um, and when, you know, I had, I got married and had kids. I knew that I was gonna keep working. It was never an option that I'd be a stay-at-home mom. Right? Which, and I felt guilt about that at times. Like, oh God, what, what kind of mom am I like that I never even thought about staying home with my beautiful babies, you know, for, for more than whatever maternity leave policies are. Right? Um, but now I have learned to not, not feel guilty about it. You, you do what's best for you and your family, right? You know, if you're a stay at home mom, your, your kid is. Is learning. You know what a, what a great person you are and all the value that that can be. Being a stay at home mom, you're a working mom, they're learning from you the importance of work, right? So your kids are always learning something from you. Give yourself grace.

Yeah. So thanks for that. And I think the other thing I. You know, you know, we now live in a world where two parents have to work.

Yeah,

right. For to, to create a stable fam lifestyle for a family.

Yeah. That's so true.

Right? I mean, it would be great if everybody or one person can stay home and the other one. But things are expensive. It costs money now. Yeah. For kids to do any, you know, when I was a kid, you go outside and play. That was free right now. Free. It costs money, nothing is free. Yeah. You sign 'em up for this, you sign 'em up, you're talking hundreds and thousands of dollars. Right? Yeah. Um, and then even, you know, uh, daycare, you know, I remember me and Gail got into it, um, when, um, she wanted the girls first it was Mikayla, but then they both ended up. Going, there was this, uh, uh, daycare that was, I mean, it was insane. The amount of money, right? Yeah. And she was like, oh, I want them to go. We got into a big fight and I'm like, wait a minute. Stop. Because I was like, I didn't grow up with that type of daycare. Sure. Right. And, and, and I remember telling her, I was like, look, I just wanna be clear. I think it was like. It was $30,000.

Yeah. Okay.

Right. Think about that. That's, that's wild. Yeah. To go to a daycare, right? Yeah. So I'm sitting here and I look, I, I'm being practical, right, right. As a husband. Yeah. I'm like, wait a minute, just so I'm clear here. Yeah. Right. I don't, reme I have not met anyone. Right. Nobody and friends or colleagues, whatever said, you know what, man? I would've really made it in life had I gone to a better daycare. Yeah,

that's so true. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Daycare, who remembers that, right? Right. Zero. Do you remember kindergarten? No. No, no. Right. So, but

I lost the battle. Sure.

Sometimes we play the mom card and we play it. Well, I

lost the battle and so two kids, 'cause they're a year apart, right? Yeah. They both went and I remember, yeah. The first time I was there was meeting some of my, who are now our best friends. Yeah. Because that's how we met a lot of our friends. Right. And I remember I was looking at them and I was like. Can they afford this? I was just like, how is everyone affording this? How can you afford? And then it was funny, we finally came together and we had a little party, and it was funny. They were like, we were doing the same thing. Yeah. We're looking at everybody, like, everyone must be rich except me. They must be rich. Yeah. How can they afford this? Right? Yep. So, so back to that point though, right. You know, some people are wired differently. Yeah. I totally get it. But it's just, it costs a lot of money to bring your, to have a family. Sure. Right. Yeah. So you're gonna have to work. All right. Yeah. Now. Yep. And, and everybody's wired differently, so I totally get it. Sure.

Yeah.

Talk a little bit about how the companies Yeah. Can support Yep. You know, working moms, because I, and again, just being honest here, you know, and I had, I have a wife that was working and bringing up our kids, but I had women on my team. Sure. I never said nothing to 'em. Right, right. Yeah. But you know, they like, oh, I gotta do this. Or part of me was like, what? Right. Yeah. And because I wasn't cognizant of the fact Sure. Uh, all the things that women have to do, right. With their kids, their husband Yeah. And work. Right. Totally. Yeah. So I had to, I woke up, I told you after I had that conversation with Gil, it was just, yeah. It made me so more empathetic. Yeah. And so more understanding. Right. Okay. However, a lot of companies aren't. Yeah. That's supportive, right? Yeah, totally. It is changing, but talk about how they can make people like you

Yeah.

Not feel stressed out. Totally feel supported. Yeah. And still be able to thrive at that organization.

Totally. And you know, the first thing I would say is that, you know, you hire somebody, right? Get to know them personally. Like maybe don't ask them in the interview process. Right. But when someone's on board, hey, you know, what kind of personal obligations do you have? Because everybody has a personal obligation, whether it's a kid, a pet, you know, an aging parent, right? We all have other, for most, most of us have other things going on that we need to tend to, right? So that way, if you understand, someone's got a kid and they've gotta be dropped off at school at eight 30 in the morning. You're not scheduling a call during that window, because I can think of dozens of times where I took a call from the road, the service is bad. I'm trying to get my kid out of the car. I'm trying to participate in the call. That is so unbelievably stressful. Right? Right. So ask people what their obligations are. Be flexible and trust them. Trust them. You hired them for a reason. You know, they're. Until proven guilty. Right. If somebody breaks your trust, fair enough. Right. But until then, give them the trust that they will get the job done and they will be available to get it done right. Um, I would say resources as well. So whether it's, um, an employee resource group, uh, a parent Slack channel, like make it known that it's okay to be a working parent here, right? It's okay to have obligations outside of work. We know that. Work is only one part of you. And it's okay to say that without fear of repercussions. Um, which I don't know that that's, that's the case. I feel like for a lot of people it's like, oh, I better not talk about my kid or not talk about my husband or my aging mom or else they're gonna think I'm not committed. Mm-hmm. A hundred percent not the case. Mm-hmm. Um. And I would say policies is a huge one. Um, in the US I think we all know we are behind most, you know, established nations in terms of maternity leave policies. Mm-hmm. Just look at our friends in Europe, you know, my sisters-in-law from Ireland, they, they both took over a year off each with their kids, right? Mm-hmm. So, um. Companies, if you're not providing paid, you know, maternal leave, you are, you're behind, right? Mm-hmm. You need to, you need to get with it. Luckily in tech, um, I feel like companies are a little bit ahead of the game with that and provide nice paternity policies as well. Mm-hmm. You know, we have definitely made progress, but there's still so much that can be done to help working parents on that front.

Yeah. There's no question. And, and thanks for the, the, the, uh, last part too in terms of some of the, um, support mechanisms Yeah. That, that companies have instituted. Yeah. However, I will say the one that's the most important is really recognizing. Uh, really educating the managers. Yeah, totally. Because you can have, you know, paternity Yeah. But if the manager is making you feel stressed out. Totally. All right. Yeah. All that other stuff doesn't matter 'cause you'll feel guilty even talking about that. Right. Yeah. So, you know, one of the things that I incorporated. Once, you know, I really realize is that family comes first. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just because we hire you doesn't mean that, you know, family's supposed to take a back burner, right? Yeah. You have kids, you have a wife, you have health. That comes first. Right? Yeah. And then going back to what you said earlier, I think is really the key is that if I'm hiring somebody to do a role, I I'm trusting them. Yeah. So I don't need to be a micromanager. Totally. I don't need to know if somebody says, Hey, I can't make it tomorrow because I gotta do this, or I gotta leave early 'cause I gotta pick up my kid. It shouldn't even be a second thought. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, all I care about, I, more importantly, I care about the individual and their family. Sure. Yeah. But at the end of the day, as long as you do or get your work. Done. Yeah. That's all that matters, right? Totally. Yeah. And so we need to, and, and I'm saying this from a male standpoint, and to be fair, there's even some women that, you know, that are in leadership positions that can be a little, you know, like the queen bee type syndrome. Totally. Yeah. Right. That way you gotta pick up your kid. You kidding me? Yeah. You know, you gotta, you know, you this gotta come first. And that and, and to me. We gotta get outta that mindset. Sure. Right. If you hired the right person. Yeah. If you vetted them, then that means I trust this individual. Yeah. I'm empowering this individual. Yeah. To do what we need them to do. Right. And at the end of the day, they have a family. Yes. I have a family. Yeah. Right. So I want the same courtesy. I would want the same courtesy that they would want. Right. Totally. So I'm gonna give them that courtesy. But

even if you don't have, even if you're single, right. And you don't have kids like. You know, you have, you will have other obligations, right? And let, let them be who they are. Um, and I feel a com, like a common misconception and maybe, hopefully less common, is that, you know, if they're a mother, you know, they, they're not gonna be able to cut the mustard like I.

So I've been around places. That was the mindset, right? Yeah. Well, she, you know, she cares more about a family first than really about this job, right? Yeah. And it's not, again, these are things that they're not said a hundred percent Right. To be fair, implied

maybe to be they're implied. But I I,

I'd be honest with you, back in the nineties, I've been accompanied that the person was said that it was said. Yeah. Right. Totally. And so now. That person, no matter how talented Yeah. No matter how qualified, no matter all the things that she brings, she is, doesn't even know. And she, to your point, working her butt off, stressed out. But she's being held back.

Yeah.

Right. And she don't even know. She, she doesn't even know it. Yeah. Don't even know. Because she's working twice as hard. She boss, the manager is saying. She just care more about her family. So when opportunities come up Yeah. They're gonna like omit her. Yeah. Because they're like, we can't give this to her because a hundred percent, she ain't not gonna be a hundred percent committed to the role. Right. She's gotta take care of it's, even though she probably knock it outta the park. Yeah. So those things matter and we gotta break that cycle and break that mind, mind, that, mind, mind.

I mean, I think if you have a, a woman you know, with a task that she believes in. She will go to town

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Many women love having a career. So let her own it, let her thrive in it. If they're raising their hand and saying, I can do this, you best believe they're gonna do it. You know what I mean? There's the question. There's the question. So, um, I think, you know, trust who you're hiring, you know, you may need to be flexible here or there when curve balls come up as they do, right? So. You know, one came up for me this this week and luckily, you know, I could work my schedule around it, but when your kid gets hit in the eye with the flying shoe during recess and they're bleeding, you have to drop what you're doing and go get your kid. That's happened with, to me, this, this. This week and you can't plan for things like that. So I think give your employees grace. Don't overlook women because we have backup plans for backup plans. If we can't be there, we will find somebody that's gonna fill that gap.

Well, here's the thing, and just trying to be fair. Yeah. And thank you for that. Right. Things are still, can be, um, better. However, going back to when your mother was working, it's night and day.

Totally. Okay. Yep. And so

we gotta give some some credit in terms of, there have been some, you know, things have evolved. There have been some progression in these areas. It's not a hundred percent yet, right? It's not where it needs to be. Yeah. But. I remember when I first came into corporate America, I was afraid to say, I need to go to the doctor. Right. Hundred percent. And I, so it didn't even matter about the gender thing. Sure. Yeah. It was just, they ruled with iron fists. Totally. And if you were a minute late, you know, that could be your job. Yeah. And you couldn't, you know, don't leave, you know you until they said you. I've been in places where you didn't just walk out at five, they had to tell you Yeah, it is time to go. Right.

So you gotta ask

permission to. Do anything. Think about that. Right? Yeah. It's wild. So, so we have come far, let's be fair. We have come far. Totally right. But we have to, you know, and we, we, but we gotta complete the mission. Right. Come with you. And we gotta make everyone feel comfortable. Yeah. We have to trust them. Yeah. Let them know family comes first. Yeah. Right. And let them do their job. Right? Yeah. So final thoughts my friend. What? Do you wanna leave the audience?

Yeah. So final thoughts? Um. I would say, you know, if you're a parent, give yourself grace. You're doing a great job, I'm sure. Um, and even, you know, if you're a mother, if you're a father, right, have these conversations with your partner, with your employer. With yourself, frankly, and even with your kids, right? I keep it very real with my kids and say, Hey, right now I have to do X for work. You know, you got my back. I've got yours, right? And as they've gotten older, they understand it and respect it more and more, and they're actually really excited about what I'm building, right? They're always asking me. Hey mommy, what are you working on? Like, oh, you're using Canva. I use Canva at school. Like, that's cool too. So, um, I feel like the more we, again, the more we talk about these things, the more change we make. And at my company, um, you know, the vision I have, once we, we continue to grow and scale is a safe place where people can be parents, they can be employees, you know, they can be gymnasts, whatever they wanna be. That's cool. And we will be flexible, um, you know, to let you be fully, you. At the end of the day.

Well, you know what? I appreciate you coming on and being fully you. Yes. Today, um, on A Black Executive Perspective Podcast, and really this is a very important topic. It's something that a lot of women across the spectrum deal with

Yeah.

That are probably gonna listen and watch this episode and say, yep, I know exactly how Lauren feels, or. You know, uh, what Tony said about my husband or what the, what his awakening, you know, I, my husband had that awakening, or he hasn't had that awakening. Right. So we appreciate you coming on and really putting I spotlight on this conversation. Yeah. Um, we love you a lot and we're gonna have you come back on as LJS continues to grow and thrive. Thank you. Right. So you can talk about, you know, what you're doing from a marketing standpoint. Absolutely. Yeah. So I think it's now time for Tony's tidbit. So the tidbit today, motherhood career and leadership aren't competing forces. They are catalysts for becoming the strongest version of yourself. You don't have to choose between thriving in your career and being an engaged parent. Both can coexist and together they'll make you unstoppable. And you heard a lot from the unstoppable C-M-O-C-E-O of LJS, Lauren Burke. So real quickly, I want to remind everyone and make sure that you watch this week's Need to know by Dr. Nsenga Burton. Dr. Burton goes over the crucial. Topics, things that you are not aware of, you don't have time to keep up with and these things that you need to know. So check her out on A Black Executive Perspective Podcast every Thursday, and don't forget to be able to watch our next Pull Up, Speak Up round table where our round table gets together and talk about the hot button issues. It's unfiltered. It's un raw. Everyone shares their perspective. This is not just a podcast, it's not a mission. It is a revolution. So you definitely don't wanna miss Pull Up, Speak Up. That's coming out the next episode on A Black Executive Perspective Podcast. So now it's time for our call to action and for those. Who are loyal listeners and watchers of A Black Executive Perspective Podcast, you know exactly what we do here. And matter of fact, you're probably incorporating yourself. But if this is your first time engaging with BEP, our goal is to eliminate all forms of discrimination. And the way we're asking everyone to do that is with the acronym called less LESS. This is something in everyone's control. Every person can do it. No matter how old, how young, no matter what race, no ethnicity, it doesn't matter. Everyone can incorporate less. So L stands for learn. You wanna learn about other racial and cultural nuances that you're not familiar with. The more that you can learn and enlighten yourself, the better that you can understand people. And then you have the letter E, which stands for empathy. Now, once you've learned, now you can be more empathetic to your friends and colleagues 'cause you understand their points of view and you can put yourself in their shoes. And then after your half. Empathy. The first S is share. You share what you've learned to help enlighten other people so they can just become just as enlightened as you did. Right? And then the final S is stop. You wanna stop discrimination as it walks in your path. So what does that mean? That means if you, at the Sunday dinner table and Aunt Jenny or Uncle Joe says something that's inappropriate, you say, aunt Jenny, uncle Joe. We don't believe that. We don't say that, and you stop it right there. So if everyone can incorporate less. LESS will build a fair more understanding world and we all will see the change that we wanna see because less will become more. Don't forget, you can continue to follow A Black Executive Perspective Podcast on YouTube, apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. And you can follow us on our social channels of LinkedIn, X, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook at ablackexec. For our fabulous guests, Lauren Burke, CEO of LJS Advisory. I'm Tony Tidbit. We talked about it. We learned about it. We even laughed about it. Today. We love you. And guess what? Now we're out.

A Black Executive Perspective.