You're gonna wanna hear this. It's a message from one of our listeners, one that I was really touched by and it seems like a great time to share it with you. "I'm sitting in a hotel in San Francisco and visited the city as I've always wanted to, in part because of your show. When you spoke of your health scare and to just get out and do what you've always wanted to, it hit home. There's always a reason why I cannot do so many things." I'm so grateful to that listener for sending that in. When I read it aloud the second time to my fiance, cuz I was really touched by it, I actually choked up. It meant so much that somebody took the recommendations that I make on this show. And inspired them to take steps like that. It's no wonder that that episode on Bucket List was voted to be one of the shows that we replayed for all of you. And you get to hear it again today. So if it's your first time hearing it, I hope you get something out of it as well. And if you heard it before, it might be a good reminder. This time we're framing it as kicking your bucket list so you can have an idea about what you need to get rid of, making a list of things and actually start living them. Here it is. Bucket lists They're something that most people have. Do you have one? What's on yours? Swimming in bioluminescent waters? Watching a glacier, calving? Seeing the brilliant shades of autumn new England? Eating at a Michelin starred restaurant? Feeling the spray from Niagara falls? Learning to speak another language? Backpacking and sleeping under the stars? Painting something worthy of hanging on your wall? Seeing a moose in person? Seeing the cherry blossoms over the basin in DC? Visiting a European castle? Rediscovering a relationship that went dormant for 20 years? Writing a novel? Traveling to all 50 states? What about visiting the country where your great grandparents were born? Swimming under a waterfall? Learning to play soccer? Making homemade bread? There are many things you can put on to your bucket list. None of these items I just listed are actually on mine, but not for the reason you might think. I don't have a bucket list. I actually don't believe in them. S tick around. I'd love to give you some food for thought. On why perhaps you shouldn't have one either. Welcome to The Grit Show growth on purpose I'm grateful you found our community of seekers and Thrivers growing together. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues. Today's episode is a bit of a story. I'm much more comfortable when there's someone else providing active feedback on the other side of the conversation. So it's a little harder when I'm just talking to you one-on-one. I promised to tell you more about some news last summer, that rocked my world a bit and had a surprising lesson about bucket lists. You should feel honored. What we're talking about today is something I haven't talked about with many of my nearest and dearest friends, which is very strange. I'm a fairly open book, but as a story unfolds, I think you'll understand why it's a story rarely shared. For the sake of time. We are skipping right to the punchline. Last July, immediately following an amazing week in Kauai, I was to have an MRI meant to evaluate if I may have multiple sclerosis due to family history, as well as some other questionable symptoms I was experiencing. Fortunately, when I read the results they led with no imaging, suggestive of multiple sclerosis. I was thrilled. However, at the end of the results, there was a bunch of garbled words and confusing comments that had to do with five spots that were indeterminate. They were atypical for some random, big. And more typical of metastatic disease. You would think since my mother died of metastatic melanoma, that I would've instantly known what that meant, but again, there were a lot of big terms being thrown around So I called my doctor. They got me in by 10:00 AM. I called at 8:00 AM. As soon as they opened after reading my results at 7:00 AM. Not long after I got up and having the MRI completed at 6:30 PM the night before all very fast. I'm sure you're not shocked that by 11:00 AM. I was sobbing the parking lot in my SUV and wishing my fiance didn't have a job, which meant he was assisting in a surgical room and not able to be disturbed during the day. I had a referral to a neuro oncologist. And with my history symptoms and the results of my MRI, it was highly suspected that I had metastatic brain cancer, which could only be diagnosed through finding the original cancer elsewhere in my body, or by seeing how drastically these spots had metastasized in three to six months. I know I should have been grateful that they weren't going to biopsy my brain, but I was at a loss that they didn't have a clear and quicker way to give me answers. I mean in today's age waiting three to six months to find out if you had a cancer with a median survival rate of three to six months after diagnosis, didn't really add up for me. I had these highly suspicious spots on my brain and no answer for them. it was strange to have this guillotine hanging over me with no knowledge, if it was a Mirage or not. I, like many of you perhaps had been a little estranged from my friend network through the pandemic, an actual diagnosis would've meant mobilizing them and bringing them together. And having that support, but this Phantom diagnosis, it was a nuisance. It was a confusing complication in the background. I saw very quickly how disorienting and overwhelming it was for the few people closest to me who did know, and that I did tell. Why on earth would I destabilize others when there was no action to be taken no diagnosis, to fight against? No knowledge if we were really looking at the worst case scenario. And all of the stress and worry might be in vain because I didn't actually have it. It was a complicated three to six months. So why am I sharing all of this with you? Why is it important to now talk about my summer of brain cancer? I think the biggest reason is that as overwhelming and as exhausting as it was one thing stood out to me and that was that I didn't have a long list of things that I needed to rush and accomplish. When my mother was battling her cancer. And when she was so sick, we kept planning trips that were getting canceled and we couldn't complete. I remember being in her hospital room when we were supposed to be in Kauai and our friends were there in the house, I'd rented, but we weren't because she had taken a turn that meant her doctors would not approve the trip. She never got to see Niagara falls. She never got to go to Norway. We never got to do all of these things we talked about doing because her illness prevented it. And yet here I was with the health to go wildly, do anything I needed to do. If I really thought I only had three to six months to live and no need to do anything. I had published my novel. I had traveled to Europe, I'd gone to Costa Rica, my fiance, and I had just come back from an amazing trip to Hawaii. I bought the house that I was told was too big for me. That was perfect. That I loved. I took the jobs to do some incredible, fabulous work. Even though they required me to move across the country, I've been to all 50 states. I have loved deeply. I found the love of my life. There was those pieces where I wish I had more time with him, where I wanted to spend every minute with him. And it hurt me to think of him being without me. It hurt me to think of who I was leaving and what I was leaving, but I didn't need anything more. Cuz I had done all of those things. And in the end, they came back in September and things looked good, but they were still being. A little cagey about giving me a clear, clear sign. And then they decided in December that it was actually something they weren't worried about. So I joke that I have freckles on my brain and that's why I have all these symptoms that I have that led them to believe that it was something else. And so in the end it really was for naught. Like all of the appointments, expenses, stress and glad I didn't stress out more of my friends with my story of thinking that was the case. When we went to Hawaii at the end of June, right before the rule out a metastatic brain cancer. One of my friends has said to me how much she loved that I did that, that my life has so many dips and so many things going on and things happening. But every time I come up for air, I come up for air and I'm going to Hawaii, or I'm going to Costa Rica, or I'm going to the beach for the day by myself. And I'm finding the space and finding the way to take care of myself because I realize that there's gonna be another. Another sticky spot. And sometimes you can't even predict them cuz honestly there have been a few things that I haven't been able to predict, but you know, the potential diagnosis of metastatic brain cancer really did not see that coming. And it's even more amusing since I did not have that. So it was just a detour for three to six months of tiptoeing around that potential. That was actually never really a threat. When that happens, all you can do is walk away with the benefits you gained. And fortunately, I realized that benefit within the first week. Although it was overwhelming to conceptualize this uncertain future that I couldn't even try to chart out. 'Cause I like to chart things out, right? The hardest thing for me was the uncertainty of this hanging over me. And I can't imagine adding to that levels of regrets of friends, I had lost touch, with. Places I'd never gone of work and potential that I'd never lived up to. Ways I wanted to impact the world that I'd never been able to do. Do you remember the list of items at the beginning of the show? Each of those is something I've actually done. And I cherish the fact I made them happen. It's not as hard as you might think. Instead of making a list, you decide, is this something I really want to. if so, why aren't I doing it? If not, why am I wasting my time daydreaming about it? If I'm daydreaming about going to New Zealand, but I hate long plane trips. What is it I really want? Time with a friend who went on that trip without me? Time at a beach I can drive to? Time off period? Then whichever of those, plan for that. Take those first steps. if it's time at the beach, you can drive to find time to take off and do that. Make the plans to have the car serviced, whatever steps you need. What's standing in your way. Remove the obstacle, or accept the obstacle. Stop making it a bucket list. Let go of the things that aren't meant for you that you don't really want. Or decide it is what you really want and start moving towards it and get things out of your way so you can get it done. I lived in the moment and made those things happen. And so that's what I keep on doing. And that's what I wanna leave you with is that thought that instead of making the list about the trips you wanna take, decide which one you really wanna take and start making little steps happen. So you can take that trip. If you wanna write the book, then start making the little steps happen to write that book. If you wanna buy the house, then start making the little steps happen towards buying that house. Like figure out what you want and make it happen. Cuz life has lots of curve balls to throw at ya. So anytime you can come up for air, you gotta come up for air. And you gotta move in the direction of what you want. And the first step of that is figuring out what you want and asking yourself. If I found out I had three to six months to live, what is the one thing that I would move mountains to have in my life? If I didn't have it there already. Would you take that trip to Australia? Would you have that conversation with that friend you've missed so dearly and reconnect with them? What are the things that you can do in your life today that make it so that if you got that overwhelming news, this overwhelming in and of itself without the physical toll of your body, dealing with something like that because remember I had mild physical symptoms that were potentially related to this, but by and large, the hardest thing for me was the uncertainty of this hanging over me. And I can't imagine adding to that levels of regrets of friends, I had lost touch with. Places I'd never gone, of work and potential that I'd never lived up to. Ways I wanted to impact the world that I'd never been able to do. So figure those things out and do them. You have today, you have now, and you have to grab that and live that and make that happen, cuz that's all you get. Because life throws some curve balls at you and it'll slow you down. It'll definitely slow you down, but you can't let it stop you. So I hope that as you think about this and think about things that you want and that you are striving for, that you find the oomph that we don't know about tomorrow. All we have is today. So we have to make the most of it and good things will happen. I appreciate you being here. I'm curious if there's a better way. I could have told my story, but I'm here showing up, being authentic, sharing my truth, the best I can. And hopefully encouraging you to do the same. I hope you make time for yourself this weekend. If you haven't already please head on over to our website and join our mailing list so that you can get a copy of our coloring pages. A little something you can do just for yourself because self care is important. And who knows while you're doing your coloring, you might wanna just ruminate a bit. What brings you joy? What you're thankful for, what you want more of in your life. And if there are things that you wanna fit in and prioritize, you don't need a bucket list. You need to just do it list. So go out there and get it done. I hope you enjoy the episode. Whether it was your first time hearing it or a reminder, it's good to be reminded sometimes, right? That you just need to start living to go out and do the things instead of putting them on a list for later. Thank you for being part of this community. If this episode spoke to you, please take a moment, share it with somebody else. Hopefully they'll get something out of it as well. As I've mentioned before, 70% of podcasts are discovered because someone shared it with somebody else. You are the reason this podcast is still around and will thrive. It's in the top 10% because of you. But it can only stay there if you keep sharing and keep getting the word out about it and letting other people hear this message. Don't you wanna be the reason that someone else takes a minute and reflects and ends up in San Francisco because they've always wanted to go? I'd love for you to be part of that. We'll be back again next week, launching our second season. Isn't that exciting? We're actually gonna break it up into seasons. We're going to lead off with a conversation on sleep cause it is more important than you think. We're also gonna have conversations around burnout because we wanna dive deeper into that and around the difference between a therapist and a coach, as well as diving into some different type of therapy modalities. And other great conversations that you've brought up. So keep sending me notes. Let me know what you wanna hear and we'll work it in for you. I'm excited to have another season with all of you, and I'm grateful that you're part of this community. In case no one has told you lately, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that means something.