0:00:01 - Speaker 1

Welcome to Elevate Daily, the podcast for those ready to elevate their life, one intentional day at a time. I'm your host, alexia Usgard, here to give you a permission slip to unapologetically savor the beauty and richness of life. Join me as we explore modern rituals, self-leadership, the gene keys and the art of elevating your health, wealth, love and leadership. It's time to elevate. Let's dive in. Hello, hello, my loves. I'm your host, alexia Usgard, and welcome back to Elevate Daily. Oh, my goodness, this is an episode I know you're going to feel in your body for a long time to come, one you'll likely return to again and again. So, goodness gracious, we are living in a time of rapid change and deep uncertainty, and if you're anything like me, you've probably been feeling how essential it is to tend to your nervous system more than ever, your body and your being, with even greater devotion. As leaders, we're being asked to birth new systems, to speak bold truths, to say the hard thing and to step into next level visibility, and, frankly, none of that happens sustainably, I found. If our bodies are exhausted, our energy is scattered or we're being pulled in a million and one directions, burning ourselves out. So that's why I'm so honored to bring you this conversation with Sarah Tacey, someone I have the utmost respect for. So for over 20 years, sarah has been immersed in the healing arts as a trusted guide in nervous system support, somatic exploration and mind-body transformation, supporting everyone from Olympians and high-level executives to mothers and entrepreneurs in connecting with the wisdom of their bodies. What I love most about Sarah is how deeply she lives, what she teaches and what she shares. Her work is such a powerful embodiment of feminine high performance in that she's so focused on not moving through force but through resourcing ourselves from within. We were so in flow during this conversation that it naturally unfolded into two parts and instead of rushing it, we chose to honor Sarah's medicine and split the episode so you receive the full depth of this experience without overwhelm. So you know we're here for the no rushing kind of life. That's the energy that we absolutely love. So in part one this episode, we explore the foundation of resourcing yourself and cultivating sustainable leadership. So you'll hear us dive into expanding beyond the foundation of resourcing yourself and cultivating sustainable leadership. So you'll hear us dive into expanding beyond the concept of nervous system regulation, into what Sarah calls your range of resonance, how to navigate double binds. So those moments when you feel trapped between I can't and I must, the power of small realworld rituals and daily tools that help you return to self-resonance in the messy and tender moments that are just going to happen. And why honoring your nervous system isn't about chasing perfection, but rather it's about building these simple, doable acts into your life that create a strong foundation for true impact. So you'll also hear me weave in a few of Sarah's gene keys, including gene key 12 and gene key six, adding another layer of soul insight to our conversation. Of course, and as I shared, this is a part one. So in part two coming out as our next episode, we go even deeper into the power of co-regulation, sacred sisterhood and community-based care. So be sure to tune into that episode next Now, without further ado.

I can't wait for you to soak up and savor all that Sarah shares. So let's dive in to this incredible episode with Sarah Tacey. In to this incredible episode with Sarah Tacey. Sarah, I'm so happy to have you here. It genuinely feels like every time I'm in your presence feels like an actual exhale. I just feel like I go, like we just melt together in the best possible way. So I just want to start by first off saying thank you for being here, thank you for sharing your wisdom and I'm just so excited for all that you're going to share with us today, including myself. I'm like, in this time of just so much uncertainty, so much can feel so chaotic. I know I'm on many calls with beloved family members and friends and people who are experiencing a lot of uncertainty, and it's never felt more important at least from what I've experienced on my journey and especially given the current climate for us to all be doing this work. So, thank you, I'm really really happy and excited to explore.

So there was a lot in your story I literally had to basically restrain myself to be like, okay.

So Sarah has lived many lives in the best way and I love that and I can see it in you because you're such a weaver and I really actually, with you, feel called to bring it back a bit to a bit earlier in your story, to when you were 18. Because something that I found very interesting about you was that you were an athlete, like a high level, high performing athlete. I know you've worked with a whole mixture in your work since then with athletes and high performers and many in that space. But, like I want us to go back to a bit of 18 year old Sarah, because you know we can all look at you and your nervous system work now, all of the magic you do now, but, like the beauty of all of us leaders, usually there's a moment that wakes us up to it. So tell me about that time when you had your big wake up call where you learned I think the way you word it is that your body is your no BS GPS. I want to go there to that learning turning point.

0:05:55 - Speaker 2

I loved or wanted to be good at everything I did and I had a lot of tone, which means I was well-resourced enough. And I think part of that comes with youth, when we possibly push harder than what might be good for our bodies, but we have enough tone that we can do that, whereas as we get older our feedback loop gets more precise, like oh, no, no, no, no, 11 o'clock is too late for you. We just have a really quick feedback loop. That's like actually I have a better idea Water instead of alcohol. So back then I really pushed it.

I played on a lot of teams. I wanted the best grades I could get and every time I got an injury which I had many through high school I would play through them and my doctor would say don't play more than five minutes, and so my coach might, instead of having me in center mid might, put me offense or defense so it's a little less running and then play me the entire game and I would just get so much pride out of pushing through I would. In basketball a coach had the most tenacious award that he'd give after every practice and like that was mine right, like I would like to own that plaque and just identify with it. And I loved also being the good girl and I loved being independent and these were all things I got so much praise for. But it also felt like a baseline right. It wasn't like each time I got it that I was like, oh, really, like it was more just like, oh, this is baseline and anything less than this not okay. And eventually the way I perceive it is that if you keep bandaging up a part of your body so start with like ankles to MCLs, like up to the knees and then adductors around the groins that if you keep bandaging, then the next part up is the next part that's going to get all the pressure. So eventually it's my back.

And when my back went out, it was the first time that the pain was so excruciating and so ongoing that I didn't really have a choice to push through. I've worked with so many people with back pain since then and it is a humbling experience for those who thrive on doing well, no matter the conditions. These conditions make it such that it kind of it stripped everything back. It stripped back my ability to be an athlete. It was very hard to sit through an academic class. It was very I could not go out with my friends. It stripped back my ability to be an athlete. It was very hard to sit through an academic class. It was very I could not go out with my friends. It was too painful. I couldn't stay in any bed except for my own with like my very specific pillow, and I had to start taking medication. Or at least that was what I started doing then, and it was my first intro to feeling depressed. At that point I hadn't experienced that before.

I was a very happy, outgoing, hardworking kid, and so when everything I identified with was no longer part of my daily life, I really had that feeling of oh, and my body is not doing well, my brain and my emotions are having a really hard time, and so it was the first time I started connecting outlets for my body being very connected to my mind and emotions as well as what I identify with.

And that was my intro.

And it was like a year of so much testing on my body and so many different types of PT, which eventually landed me in Hawaii like kind of by chance, and I don't know how far we need to go into this, but it was a moment where it was like, keep taking the medication or, you know, change all of my food, start visualizing, experiencing energy work, experiencing body work and beginning my yoga journey.

And so it was like the beginning of recognizing how wise my body is, how important my mindset is, and understanding that there was a relationship going on and that my body when I say my body, is my no BS GPS, it means that, although my mind could push through some things, which yoga, in some places when they talk about tapas and there are some places to understand how strong our minds are and how far our bodies can go beyond what we think they can, some of us live in that as a chronic state and the only place we know, and eventually our bodies and from many people I worked with and talked to, we'll say like no more. And then we really have to come to terms with a lot of shadow energy. That got us the praise.

0:11:00 - Speaker 1

Oh my gosh, I can see now why I specifically knew we had to go to 18 year old Sarah, and that I mean it was probably 18 year old and then still for years, cause I feel like, like most things in life, it's never just a. And then I woke up and I figured it all out. Journey, you know, which is the gift of the life? Journey I cause? I feel like, for anyone listening right, your story was being the athlete and the body speaking through your back and through your back pain and teaching you and speaking to you that way. But for anyone listening, we can all, in our variety of ways, because our bodies will try to communicate somehow usually know some version of that. And I like the way you named it because I think it's such a real truth that, especially with the performance conversation, like I in the intro I was telling you, I shared a bit about this contrast and why I resonate so much with your journey and also how you show up and serve in today's world, because I feel it's so aligned to feminine high performance which is honoring that like, yes, you can get the end results, but what is the process? And for many they've done it or they've experienced.

I know I can say a lot on my journey about times where I got the whatever gold star that I was so on a mission to get to feel good, like you said, to feel like I achieved. Yet at what cost? And oftentimes, similar to you, it was my body, it was my nervous system that if I didn't listen to it would crash in a variety of different ways. Or, I think a lot of women too, I would imagine you've seen it a lot with women in their guts. I feel like stomach stuff is also this whole gut health revolution that's been happening. I feel like so much of what I saw on my own journey was how much of that was linked to my dysregulated nervous system.

So I think, for just anyone listening, it's like, as you're telling us your story of your 18 year old, we can all flash to our version of that, like that moment when you even would probably have little moments where little symptoms or signs we're trying to show up. But it's like, no, my mind, I will override this, I could do it at all costs, you know. And how it can play out in all arenas. It can play out in work, business and parenting and motherhood, from what I've heard from many of my beloved friends who have kids like it can show up in all areas. I did want to take a moment because I think with the nervous system conversation I was curious to know if you could define in your way what nervous system regulation means, because I think it's kind of thrown around a lot. But I'm curious to know from your lens how you would describe it or define it but I'm curious to know from your lens how you would describe it or define it.

0:13:34 - Speaker 2

Yeah, so for me, I have been switching the word regulation to resonance, and I do this first out of influence of Tel Darden, who is a mentor and friend of mine. And when I first asked her why are you switching up? Because everybody, most people, understand what regulation means. I would say more people understand what regulation means than resonance. And she said something along the lines of I think enough of us have had people trying to regulate our bodies long enough, long enough. And so sometimes, although the word regulation has a sense of control, it can also have a sense of needing to control ourselves and needing to be calm.

And the interesting thing, I think, is that when we start to tend to our nervous system and we have bigger capacity, it means we have bigger capacity to pause, to make aligned choices and to feel more. And when we feel more, it doesn't mean it's all going to feel good. So many of us live with layers of functional freeze which can present themselves in our physical body where we just don't notice. You know part of our body we might not even be able to feel it. Usually you don't even know that you have the functional freeze. It could be your spiritual life, it could be relational, where you're like super independent, you don't really need anybody, right, there are all these different places we can have functional freeze that are really wise and helpful.

And as we do nervous system work, we are most likely as we come out of freeze, as we melt, we're going to meet layers of shame and so not to like. A lot of us do want to feel more peace and a lot of us do want to feel more peace and a lot of us do want to feel more calm. And if we're looking to feel more juice in our life, if we're looking to feel more alive in our life, it means awakening and it means feeling the things that we didn't have capacity to feel before. So if you think about having enough safety, that's something that was unsafe to see or feel before is now like okay, she now has enough good friends, enough connection with the earth, enough good food. That thing that she couldn't process before like remnants are going to start coming up. A bit that she couldn't process before, like remnants are going to start coming up a bit, so that might like.

I'm like this doesn't sound too alluring. Who's going to want to do nervous system work? I'm like I did this song, be prepared. I'm like me, I want to do it. I'm so here for it. I'm so here for it. But yeah, and along with that, as we do do that work.

If I were to shine the light on the range of. It is also one of our first reflexes when we're born is awe, awe and curiosity. And so the more we get protective, the more we say like oh, we know the way and I will only do the things I know and I will try to control everything. And the more we can resource ourselves, the more we can say like show me, this is a Bridget Vixen's turn, show me. Or she also says, surprise and delight me. I often say I wonder, or may I understand? And I start to try to open up the reticular activating system, which is part of the brainstem right that allows us to see or not see things that are directly in front of us, like at all times, like there could be financial opportunity in front of you at all times and because of the lens that you have, which generally happens before the age of three, you often just can't even see opportunities or things that are there. So the reticular activating system can either shut that down and just go towards your bias or, when we have enough capacity to be curious, I wonder we actually will begin to see new realities.

Show me examples of women who are reaching their goals and those goals are the same or better than anything they could have imagined. And while they're on their way, show me the layers of healing that they've had. Show me the rich relationships that they have. Show me the layers of support that they are not doing it on their own. Show me the way people can have it all. It's like I am looking for evidence that this is true, and whatever you look for evidence for, you will find this is true. And whatever you look for evidence for, you will find.

So it's the whole gamut. As we start to resource our nervous system, we get that curiosity. We get that oh my God, the green on the trees. My little girl looked out the window mom, you got to look outside and I'm like what's out there? And I go and she's like the tree is just so beautiful, right, there wasn't like a Robin or any of this, or it was just like just look at the trees this morning. So we get to have more of that too. Range of residents I'm like. Do I always answer? I'm like range of residents you have? You have more room for the unknown, which is the time we're living in Curiosity, pause, choice, boundary repair, all of that is available in our range of resonance.

0:19:15 - Speaker 1

You had completely answered my question. I love it Because I was actually going to ask you, because I thought that's exactly what I've resonated with you no surprises in that word was I've heard you more speak about range of resonance and how much more that speaks to me. Cause to your point and I think for also a lot of my community, we were having to let go of the grip of control. Like the idea of regulation almost in a way, immediately goes into, I think sometimes the energy I'm most needing to get out of. You know, it almost feels like this weird, how I can best describe it. I've never tried to explain this out loud. So let's, let's see how this rolls, but it's, you know, when you're already in.

For myself, if I'm already activated and my nervous system and my experience feels dysregulated, then my old dynamic would be very much like let me get hypervigilant, let me try to like fixate even more. So then this idea of oh, let me try to like fixate even more. So then this idea of oh, my gosh, then I'm supposed to do this nervous system regulation stuff and I'm supposed to almost grip tighter. But in truth, if I'm really honest about actually what finally gets me out of the loop is usually something like a nap or cuddling my dog Like, for me, animals, and I'll even say in my gene keys is such a key code, like things like that, right, and I was going to actually ask you and I guess we'll just go with it right now which is how do you know when you're in the experience of a dysregulation moment or how? What would you say, is the in your range of resonance the terminology you would use when you're not feeling resonant? Is that how you would word it?

0:20:47 - Speaker 2

Sure, I mean you can use dysregulated, you could use dissonance. Dissonance is kind of the opposite of resonant.

I think sometimes we can look at dysregulation and think that it's unhealthy, and of course, if we're living in constant state of dysregulation we'd say, oh, I don't really want that. But a normal human experience would be there's a boundary violation, there's an old, familiar pattern that you've replayed, that's now out of date, and then we're going to feel dysregulated because there's friction from old pattern to a new way of being, friction from old pattern to a new way of being, and so it's quite normal to become dysregulated. And once we are in that dissonant place, we have less access to our prefrontal cortex, and so prefrontal cortex for most listeners it's know the front part of your brain where more of our logical decision-making is made. I often think, like when we're in beta forms of thinking, that day to day problem solving, we have just a lot less access. Especially if our amygdala, our emotional center, is really hot, we tend to fall towards old patterns. This is why I think co-regulation is really beautiful.

I come from a background of self-help and I am learning to reach out to friends when I'm dysregulated, instead of like only afterwards, only after I've gleaned the nuggets and have the wisdom, but now it's like oh, can I reach out, while I in the past would have felt silly because, like, I'm having big feelings over something that might not be big. So I just want to say one. It's normal and there are some. There's a map called the three directions map. I don't know the original name. I'm thinking that Peter Levine may have made a like shown direction one and three and that Bridget maybe added the second direction. So, if I can describe it, it's love it. On the left hand side of the map, if you think of it as a rainbow, as you go up, the rainbow that's showing an increase in activation over time and as you come back down, it's the completion of that activation. So, in order, that's the third direction. So, in order to stay with activation and not try to like, do a nervous system thing, make yourself feel better right away, it's thought that we would create conditions over time, and those conditions we create are that we've been working on our boundary repair, that we have been teaching ourselves how to pause, that we have been practicing honest choice, that we have we're able to differentiate, that we're in more right relations, like the more of these things that we build over time. Right relations, like the more of these things that we build over time, the higher our capacity to be with the discomfort of activation and actually be able to move through to completion.

I'm going to now name the first direction. The second direction We'll see how I'm like we might spend a whole podcast on the second direction. So the first direction is really interesting because you start to go up the activation rainbow and before you get to the peak, just as you're going up, the first direction is to come right back down and this is called soothe and distract. And I tend to think that most nervous system tools you can build them into your day-to-day life so that it's not just soothe and distract. And I tend to think that most nervous system tools you can build them into your day-to-day life so that it's not just soothe and distract. But I think of these as oh shoot, I'm feeling activated. I'm going to take three slow breaths, I'm going to put my hand on my heart and say some affirmations. I'm going to lean up against a tree, I'm going to lay on the ground, I'm going to. You know, it's like I'm getting activated and I'm going to do these things to resource myself, to come back down.

These soothing and distracting could also be things that we as society would say are negative.

It could be that you're eating certain foods that you wouldn't generally choose to eat.

You're scrolling on social media more than you would generally want to scroll on social media, you're smoking a cigarette and you generally would not do not do that, but it's like, oh, these things in this moment are life-saving.

To help me come out of direction two, which is where we spiral and loop and get stuck in the land of double binds. The I must, I can't, I can't, I must. And the way out of double binds, I'll just say, is small doable pieces. And so the small doable pieces might be like taking either from the conditions or the soothing and distracting, and like what is the smallest piece when I can see no way out of where I am? What is the smallest piece? I like to say like the smallest piece of support, the smallest piece of pleasure that I can resource my system with. Because only when we're in resonance can we see nuance, and it's a nuance that we can see the sacred third when we're in a double bind. But a lot of times the sacred third is a lot of little steps that we have to live into. We might not know it right in the moment of the looping.

0:26:19 - Speaker 1

Oh, my goodness, I do have to take us a little bit farther into the second direction, because I feel like this for me right now and I just like, with just what I'm feeling into everyone's more nervous system dynamics right now, that I can't, I must. Can you just give a bit more context on what that is, because I feel like many of us can probably relate to whatever this spiral is. When you started talking about it, I was like I feel like I know this spiral intimately.

0:26:43 - Speaker 2

Yeah, on the chart it looks a little bit like a tornado. It's like there's a rainbow and off the left side is like a tornado going up. And the I must, I can't going back to the reticular activating system often comes from, you see, one way that life has and the ways that it have to offer, and you have this challenge that comes up and the ways that it have to offer. And you have this challenge that comes up and the ways that you know cannot meet the challenge. And it feels very true. And if anybody were to tell you otherwise, like if anyone were to say like, oh, just meditate on it, or oh, just get a nanny, or oh, just change your work and you'll be better, like if anybody gave you something you would say to them you don't understand. And in that, in that idea that we get it and we understand the confines, we can feel very stuck. It can be like I have to work, my family needs this money, I can't do this any longer, or I'm going to, like, end up in the hospital, right, and those, both, both things can be very true. And so sometimes, because, like, they're not not true, right, and so the way that we work with double binds is we take our hands from being two fists up against each other to opening up the palms. This is one way I'd love to actually say a up the palms. This is one way I'd love to actually say a few different ways. This is the first way I learned from Bridget is to then open the palms and go, oh, okay, although it is true that my family is depending on me for money, and like is, is there anything else there? Is there any wiggle room? And I say this is a bit like Byron Katie, is this a hundred percent true? And I can say like, oh, okay, although my family is depending on me for money, and over here, if I continue to work this way and I and this idea like I have to work this way and I and this idea like I have to work this way to make the money, is that a hundred percent true? Okay, well, I do have this person who wants to be an associate and like they could and I could let go here and we could cut back on spending here. Oh, yeah, we do have these things and I love having a nanny and I don't want to like, like but like, oh, my parents are here and my parents are. This is not my truth right now, but I'm just my parents are very challenging, and and then it's kind of like, okay, what you know, like you start to see the nuance. Okay, what would I have to do to resource myself, to accept help from this person? What would I? How would I become part of a community? Right, and so it's like there are generally 101 ways through something, but when we're in the double bind, there's only two and neither are going to work.

And on a different nervous system map, you have these places that are outside of the range of resonance. You have fight or flight in the hyper and you have freeze in the hypo, but up in the hyper it's actually kind of like lives in hyper and hypo is global high intensity activation. And this is the place that I call I must, I can, and this is the one where it's like hustle culture and I must and I can, hustle culture and I must and I can, I must and I can, until we collapse. And then above that is syndromal, and that's when it's hot. It's like I can't, I must, like, oh, I can't do this any longer, but I must, and then those people tend to drop during the day or throughout the week down to like I can't, what was I thinking? Is this making sense? Like so it can be a very up and down sensation of like I've got this, I've got this vision down to like what was I thinking? I can't do this, and so it's. You're pendulating, hyper hypo and not living, like not even knowing that there is a range of resonance, like not even knowing that there's a place that could feel better.

And for all of these things that I'm saying, the way towards that range of resonance is small steps of self-care. Over time, and anytime we're moving towards small steps of self-care, those steps could be the hardest steps, like it could be getting to the gym, and so that means, when we talk about high performance, if we are trying to back away from pushing too hard, how do we know to trust our system to do things? And for some people it could be like being more sexually involved with your partner, but maybe there is like resentment that's built up. So, like, how do we self-care? Could, like you said, taking a nap, it could be grabbing water, it could be some things that aren't as hard and, as we're looking up towards familiar to optimal, what are some of those changes from familiar to optimal, even if they're for self-care, aren't going to be easy. So I talk about building an on-ramp, like if you're on a highway and you're trying to get onto a town. You don't just like jump the side of the road and land at a new state.

Our physiological states tend to love themselves, they tend to ruminate on themselves, and so if you're exhausted and then you're like, oh, I might feel better after a workout to actually get from that place, to say, is this exhaustion or is this just a physiological state of feeling down, you get to like what if I start with a walk? What if I throw in some lunges? And then your state starts to change and oh, wow, this feels good and now I want to do this. That's the reason why we have warmups. Like you're still like help, your state change incrementally and when your state changes, what you want becomes easier to access. And it's not a bypass because you could, as your state changes, go like today is not the day A yoga teacher used to yell in my class is this out of self-love or is this to prove something?

This is in college and I was like oh damn, I'm totally trying to prove myself right now and so, as we're doing these acts of self-love, is this out of self-love or are we trying to prove something? And so we take these little incremental steps, that are sometimes hard and uncomfortable, towards self-care, and over time we will find ourselves in the range of resonance more often.

0:33:18 - Speaker 1

I love this so much because something that we speak about a lot in this community is ritual and something I'm. The reason I'm so big on it is it is those contained structures that are so simple but devotional, and so even when I'm tuning into it, this as kind of a way to ground what you just shared is almost I can picture anyone listening creating a list and something that you can put somewhere and so that way, when you're in a moment where you're like I need the on-ramp, I need the on-ramp, even call it like your on-ramp or your reset rituals or whatever you may call it Like. By the end this will have some other really great name, but it's almost something you can visually I'm such an analog girl, so I just need something. As much as I can go and look at these tech devices, I need to write it down and I need to see it, and so I'm just picturing where it's like okay, here's my on-ramp list, because I find for myself if I'm in one of those hyper or hypo states, it's almost like you said.

I think you've named it so beautifully. We know that. We know something would be really good for us, but just the entropy, like just that little bit. To just do it for ourselves can sometimes be so hard, and maybe actually we add another layer, we almost have it visually and then maybe we need to also send it to our sisters and that way we can almost have a code we send on ramp and then they can just be like okay, drink water, or whatever is like a specific thing on your list, because then it's like some support, right, because I think it's for all of us who feel like we're holding up a lot.

I think we have to get to this realization and what I love so much about what you've shared is there's nothing wrong with you. I just like so many of us spend so much time thinking there's something wrong or we haven't figured out some cheat code to life, because our nervous system gets dysregulated or it is out of dissonance and it's out of the range of resonance and it's like, nope, you're growing, you're stepping outside the norms, you're literally. So many people are paving completely new industries, pathways of possibilities. We are all on a journey of creating completely new systems, reforming whole different dynamics in the world. So I think it's almost like we have to get to this place of realizing it's going to happen. So, with the knowing it's going to happen.

What support systems do we need in place? So that's what I was seeing with you is I was like, oh my gosh, because I so relate and it's a regular thing because I think about just any time you're meeting a paradigm shifting idea you're going to meet that must can't, because there's going to be likely some old part of you that's attached to some idea of how things used to be and some new idea and you're kind of having to meet the, the, the natural tension of that. Right, I would imagine Totally.

0:35:59 - Speaker 2

And the way I see it is, our cells have these little receptor sites and they're waiting for these molecules of emotion, these ligands, and they're really used to these patterns and they vibrate in a certain way. And what Candice Pert tells us is that it's not a locking key, it's actually a vibration. Vibration, and so if you're vibrating one way in the cell structure and the molecule of emotion is like and you're like hey baby.

And then they're like oh, I know how good it feels to like see a friend that you've been waiting to see, and our cells literally are way, I mean just like the Pavlov's dog, and um, the way also maybe separate, slightly separate. Is that like a dog at five o'clock is waiting by their bowl. Like their bodies know, their cells are vibrating on a cyclical time of like this is when I get fed, this is my girls. They now watch a show at six o'clock and their bodies like if I were to take that away, and there are some days that we don't cause we're doing. But their bodies, when we're at home doing the same thing, they're like, like they're, they're not wearing watches. They're like is it six o'clock? I'm like, I'm the not.

And so when we change patterns, one part is vibrating and then it's partner and doesn't come to meet it. And so on a cellular level, when we're changing patterns, it can feel like abandonment at our most basic level. And so, as we are building our capacity, if you think of that three-direction map, again like building our capacity, the activation can be that like I just want a quick fix, like I just can't stand this feeling of not getting that fix and so we're building our capacity. It is actual withdrawal. It might be like a dopamine withdrawal if we decide we're going to take social media off for a few months or for the weekend or forever. I do it sometimes on the weekend and I can actually feel this feeling in my body, like I'm one movement away from hitting a normal feeling good and I'm like whoa, holy smokes, and can I be with the discomfort of being one movement away from not meeting that dopamine hit and letting my body re-regulate to a different baseline. And so it is. This is part of building our capacity to have more choice and to be in this tension field between familiar and optimal.

Sometimes it's easy. I have interviewed one person once when they changed everything in their life and started eating only fruit and I'm thinking that he's going to tell me the story of how hard it was and he's like I felt tremendous. It was the best I ever felt. So I was like hooray for changes that just feel so good all the way through. And if you're listening, and changing to a slower pace in life feels really hard. And taking a bath feels hard. You're not wrong, your nervous system is not used to it. And I do have one little tip for that.

0:39:15 - Speaker 1

Yes, please. I was going to say do you have a specific tip for someone who's in that moment where they're, like I'm in the discomfort. I'm consciously choosing the new path, but this is I'm jiggling over here.

0:39:26 - Speaker 2

Okay, well, I was thinking of the bath, but maybe this could be for both. So there is. You know, in yoga we have the five koshas and in the somatic realm they have a phrase called pemzer, and so the koshas would be that we have a physical bodyas and in the somatic realm they have a phrase called PEMSER, and so the koshas would be that we have a physical body, we have an energetic body, a mental body, witness consciousness and bliss, and in the somatic realm they have PEMSER, which is physical, emotional, mental, energetic, relational and spiritual and so on. Any of those places like I could have a hyper relational, where it's like I need to call a friend all the time. It's the only way I can get better is if I, you know, and other people I told you could be right, and then I could have a hyper mental, and then I could have a hypo spiritual frozen. I could have had a hypo energetic right. So we're not always fully in freeze or fully, and we can have a mix, and so, as we're learning how to slow down, in some realms say it's like a hyper mental, which is like I need to get stuff done and this is how I derive my sense of worth. So it's connected to our emotional as we start to slow down if it feels uncomfortable.

I've heard some people say like I can only take a bath if I'm also reading a book or I'm getting my to-do list done on my phone. So instead of shaming it, we can say so great, you're learning how to resource your physical body while having a medium speed at the mental right. So it's like if we can't do it in all realms at once, is there a way that we can play and weave and mix a little bit of slow here, a little bit of activation here, so that we cannot um, yes, we don't like flood the system or have too much of like you're doing good, you're doing bad. It's more like a chemistry experiment, right, it's like how can I do this? I want more slow in my life, I want more presence in my life. How can I do it in a way that isn't distressful the whole time?

0:41:38 - Speaker 1

Or, if it is distressful, how do I bring in layers of support, the whole time, or if it is distressful, how do I bring in layers of support? I love this because I feel the love that's in the process. Like this to me is such an expression of feminine high performance, because it's so much of the energy of not being hard on ourselves, because I can actually see even past versions of myself who got really into, let's say, meditation or something, and then you almost willpower yourself so intensely into doing something that there were moments where I started going. Is this defeating the entire purpose? Why I'm doing this? Because I almost am spending such an intense energy doing this, which is why I think the nap ended up being the thing where I discovered was so powerful. And then it actually is making so much sense to me because, I will say, even for myself, when I take a bath, similarly, I've learned how much the bath is so important for my physical body and how important it is for my energetic body and my emotional body. And even my husband at times has been like but Lex, don't read in the bath Like you should just be able to be in silence. And the truth is, if I was just to sit there, I would go into probably way more mental stuff, whereas what I've gotten which is what I've learned, and I was gonna actually ask you this how do you know the difference between when you're numbing or dissociating versus actually giving yourself love? But it feels like this is an interesting answer, right? Which is what I've learned is if I read fiction, I'll usually read it for not very long, like I actually will only end up reading it usually for about five to 10 minutes and then I put it down and then I ended up actually relaxing. But if I was just to sit in this bath after having an intense day or like holding an intense client session or just doing a lot, I would just spend the whole time, probably in my mind. So I'm going oh, this is a really interesting nuanced conversation you're having on how can we honor that in taking care of ourselves? It doesn't have to be with this obsessive regulatory style, energy, this control style, being hard on ourselves, like sometimes the containment with lots of extra love is actually the most supportive option. I don't think it's talked about nearly as now.

I'll give you another actually really silly example too was even when I first started meditating. If someone tried to tell me just to sit and meditate, it made it again. My old performer achiever just wanted to be good Like she was, so she'll do it. But I look back and I bless that version of me and I have. So I hold her in so much care and love because she would do it. But, man, if anyone knew the level of intensity happening in my body during the process. There was a lot of fighting myself versus when I got into ecstatic dance and somatic dance practices where that became my meditation. Then I discovered, oh my gosh, this is so much more of a true meditation for me in a loving way.

0:44:29 - Speaker 2

Yeah, this is the interesting part. So there's part of me that's like yes, let's do it always in a way that feels good, and that's I'm really into the idea of generative empowerment, physiology and Huberman the other day posted something about the mid cingulate cortex and or and I think it's anterior mid cingulate cortex and how, when people do things that are hard for them to do but they do it anyway, this part of their brain grows and that in older individuals, like individuals who live a long time, who have a fulfilling life, that part of the brain doesn't shrink. And so there is some mix here. Right, there is some dance between learning to be in the tension field and I do think we can resource ourselves there right Of that change. Like how do we resource ourselves while we're making a hard change? Or how do we make that on ramp in order to do that thing that is hard for us, the thing that may feel scary, the main thing that may feel different, because if it's different, our body doesn't know we can survive it. But the only way we evolve and grow often is through also trying on new things. And so there is some balance between like yeah, like do the ecstatic dance and do the things that resource your body and, yes, through alignment, natural intrinsic healing patterns are going to happen, and it doesn't all have to be through pain and suffering and can those things give us a wider base of support? So, when we do the things that don't feel good right away but do lead to more, a greater sense of stepping into who we are and possibly could it be soul-based pride, Could that also exist that we can have both, you know, and being able to tune into that too, Like, at what point does doing the hard meditation actually cause more stress in my life and at what point is it serving?

And I do think it comes back to that really great question. So the one of am I doing this out of love or to prove something? And that question served me so well in college. It served me so well as an athlete as I really had performance anxiety where every season I'd start off like really crushing it and every season I'd have a massive slump because if I made a mistake I would just start ruminating over that mistake and how am I going to explain it to people who came to the game? And I go down and down and down until the end of the season where I'm like, oh my gosh, I only have four more games to go. So, as I started doing yoga, if I made a mistake, I would then be able to put it into the game and go, oh, am I doing this out of love or to prove something? And I would take a breath, I'd look at a blade of grass, I'd feel the breeze, I'd be like I'm here for fun, and it shifted things so fast.

Anyway, I think there's something to mixing both and using the joy and the pleasure to tune into what are we doing out of self-love, even if it's hard, whether it's hard or it's pleasurable. And Glennon Doyle also said something, I think, in her first book, how we all have a God-sized hole in our heart. And after we do the thing to fill that God-sized hole, after we do it, does the hole get bigger or smaller? And to me, I feel like that is a really good litmus test to say is that the soothe and distract technique I want? Is that the resource I want or is it not? And again, sometimes the chemical pull can be so hard and big. But I think that that is a great question. I think those two questions are great questions to reflect on when we are making choices.

0:48:38 - Speaker 1

I love both of them because I love how one gives you almost like the question you can ask before, and the other one can almost be a good reflection after, in a certain way, Like am I doing this for love or to prove something? Like is a good question even before you do something that you can often know. And then is this what was the specifics? Is this leaving a God-sized hole in my heart? How did she word it?

0:49:03 - Speaker 2

So we all have a God-sized hole in my heart. How did she word it? So we all have a God-sized hole in our heart, Okay?

0:49:07 - Speaker 1

we all have it.

0:49:10 - Speaker 2

It's that part of us that's like what's my next quest in life? What is my purpose? What am I here to fulfill? It's probably why a lot of people come to you for gene keys. Help me figure out.

What is the direction that's going to help me fill this God-sized hole, which I do think helps us to grow. But sometimes the God-sized hole feels like loneliness, sometimes it feels like not belonging, and sometimes we fill it with things that temporarily numb it or, like you said, numb or dissociate, and when that wears off, the hole feels bigger, whereas if we possibly are doing things like wow, I feel really lonely and then we get in touch with our spiritual practice or energetic practice, we start being around friends who are cheering us on and want what's good for us, feel like a more bearable space and maybe even a more joy-filled space. Right, the hole isn't getting bigger as you're resourcing yourself. It's getting possibly smaller, right, and so that's the way that I interpret it. Again, I read that book like 10 years ago, but that part just really stuck out. I love it.

0:50:18 - Speaker 1

Yeah, no, I love this because I think it's the potent nuance, which is how can we? I love that you named it that way, cause that was one of my biggest curiosities I wanted to ask you was how do we know that discernment within ourselves where it's okay? What part of me is going towards this soothing technique? Is it the part that's genuinely being loving, or is the part that's dissociating and wanting to numb out? And I think those questions give a really good way for you to start getting curious and start opening up to know within your own experience. And it's so interesting because I'm going to share with you your first gene key, because I'm, like you, just opened up the perfect moment to name one of the ones that when I saw it, I went of course she has this.

So one of the well, first off, your, your blueprint in general says so much about emotional range, says so much, cause I always look at like what are themes that I see that pop up based on? Cause what's so beautiful is we all have 11 different jinkies and some have repetitions, and for you, it just was amazing to see the different range of yours, cause I went wow, you can see how many of them speak to, honoring and coming into a space of wholeness and honoring the range of our emotions. So your mission code, so the gene key that's here to highlight what you're here to do, what people are here to see you do and what you just naturally will be more known for doing in your work, typically your soul service. So yours is gene key 12, which goes into so much of what we literally just spoke of. Like to me one of the best ways you could even give as a question of that gene key is am I doing this from an energy of proving or from an energy of love? That is actually probably one of the core questions I could say is a good contemplation of this key as it moves from the shadow of vanity to the gift frequency of discrimination, to the city of purity.

And in the shadow frequency it genuinely is that persona, personality, ego-oriented performance energy. It's the energy of even the relationship to power. A lot of it's like wanting to be the best, wanting to be special. It was that part of you that was like I want the award for being like the toughest. It's like that part that just naturally is the achiever, that just wants to go and to get it, but usually for more of a mind construct, whereas then, when you get into discrimination, it's for the energy of love, it's for the energy of truth, like that is, your key code is authenticity and what is real. What is real and what are you going for and what are you creating and what art are you making in the world from an energy of just pure love? And that's then your city, which is purity, it's pure love. And that's then your city, which is purity, it's pure presence, it just is.

And I think about, even when I think about you with nervous system and everything you're bringing people back to, and even this conversation already. I'm glad that this we did now because I almost feel like, for anyone listening, we've gotten so much data to experience you in your leadership where, like so many of the conversations we've had, has come back to in my experience of what you've said, bringing us all into what is real. What is real, what is real and where's my ego wanting to run the show, where am I? Naturally, in my divine, cute ego, feeling like I need to prove something, I need to perform in a certain way and could even get accepted on the outside for it. But what is true, what is authentic? And when I just sit in pure presence, who am I? So how does this resonate? Because this is anyone is. This is like literally what you are here to activate any of us who come into your work. That's what we're here to connect with is purity and your pure presence.

0:54:06 - Speaker 2

It is all still alive in me. There is a part of me that feels this calling of like and moving from suppression to expression, and I can see sometimes, like I just completed teaching a course that I call a resource and it's a nervous system program for moms. And on week seven the theme was unstuck, which is around the double binds, but I wanted to give them an embodied experience of it. So the day before I'm sitting on my porch and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so stuck on teaching unstuck I have no idea what I'm going to do. And I realized so I start doing the double bind exercise with myself to like look at what are the stories I'm telling myself. And they were all around ego right, instead of like being in the discrimination and the purity it was like if I don't figure this out, then this program will fail. And if this program fails then I won't, you know, get to do this further and it will never be anything and I'll never have a place to put my gifts and I'll never like. It was this like spiral of like and it was all just realizing like. This is from that lens. It's not about service, it's about like will I survive and will I get to do my gifts? And there is some vanity in that, right, and I kept hearing this like to call Janine, janine Yoder, who does breath work and she's a dear, dear friend of mine and I was getting very clear that the space between the to get into the unknown and I was pulling cards about like rewiring, like this is going to be, was going to be like we have to get out of the mind. So no more, you know the talking through the double binds, yeah, and so I had her. So the next morning I still hadn't talked to her yet, like will you come and my daughter opens up a book and she goes was it surprise presenter? She literally just opens up a book and reads it and I was like, all right, I'll give her a call.

And Janine came on and led this breathwork class which for me, having somebody else come on and help to get the whole group out of mind into a place where new patterns can open, into the subconscious, into a different brainwave, where new possibilities can be seen, it just really helped me move into presence, into service, like just take me out. This was like I remember actually feeling this way, the more that I studied Taoism in college. If I was not in the flow, I could recognize where I was, what I would say like in the way where the wave is met. It's like title right. And I'm like, oh, I'm having a title thing, I don't need to push through this.

Today is not my day. Why won't my coach just take me out, like just take me out, this is not my day. And so the ability to just have, like one of my best friends come on and share her magic and take me out like kind of take me out, coach, put this player in was so beautiful because she was able to present the medicine that day and and I was so grateful for it. But I could see in that moment how tied up my ego was in like the perfectionism of the program or, um, what I needed in order for me to feel good. And so I know it still exists. Um, I know there's still a performer in me and I know that the discrimination and the purity are still there. So they're all still present and I don't think that one of them is a state that I will ever fully live in, but I'm at.

0:58:07 - Speaker 1

I am so grateful for the way you just worded that, because I couldn't have explained it better myself. Why? One of the many reasons I love the gene keys is because I don't see it as a system that puts us into like a type or some idea of some perfection of who we're supposed to be in some foreseeable destination, which I feel like, of course, you as a woman completely guided by the range of resonance, would be the one who would totally understand this on a deep level. That the point isn't, and why I resonated so much with Richard Rudd, the founder of Gene Keys, is I can feel that there's almost this sense of humor he has with it because it's all so deep but it's also all held so lightly in the sense that, exactly like you named, we all have the range. There's no foreseeable idea where you're never going to feel vanity again. It's more like can you just lovingly honor that even in this experience? Just this example. I almost like need to dissect it for a hot second for anyone listening, because I feel like it was just such a divine way you could describe the human experience of going through your own mission code. So, also for anyone listening, if you can think about this in your own version and what you navigate, because I'm like, I relate to you in this so deeply and how I consistently meet the shadow of my mission code.

What I love is you sat there in a moment where you experienced vanity. You knew it, you had the self-awareness to go. This is the part of me that wants to talk. That actually is not of highest service to the whole and that, in and of itself, was the medicine, because many people would just get stuck there. They wouldn't even realize that that's the voice that's loud, that just communicates. People would just get stuck there. They wouldn't even realize that that's the voice that's loud, that just communicates, whereas what I love is you actually knew. Okay, there's this sweet part of me that really cares about the perfection, is really caring about how the performance comes off, could go into that. It's like holding that. And then you used that as contrast to then be like okay, hi, you, I see you, I feel your range, I feel your energy. Okay, what can I sit in? That this is trying to tell me is real.

Then I felt like you allowing the shadow to reveal the gift, which is like okay, what is real about this? Like what is coming through Janine. What is coming true, janine? Like you actually allowed the gift because you weren't afraid of the shadow, like cause, that's the. That's the dynamic I see a lot of people don't want to face, which even goes back to what you and I were talking about earlier about nervous system. There comes a point where you have to be able to just walk through the discomfort, like you had the ability to just walk through the like the egoic vanity dynamic playing out, and go like okay, this is what's real. Call Janine and then get into that completely pure place where it was like Janine, can I ask you to actually come on and to guide this so that way also, you could be held and knowing you didn't have to do it, that there was actually something of highest service that was so pure, and then you got to go into your pure presence of like holding the container from that frequency, but just as the presence, Can I?

I was like great.

1:01:12 - Speaker 2

There was another thing I was working out at the same time. That was the double bind, and so when I went into the breath work, I also got a message of like your power. It was around finances. It was like no, actually your greatest power is presence. That was like your greatest power, and so not to push off how important finances are, but it was showing me not just presence, it was leaning into the divine and power, but it was just this embodied feel of it.

And what was true when I was doing my double bind exercise outside was that I could see how egoic it was, and then I could also remember what vibration of people coming with things that they feel stuck on, and what it might feel like if we could give them an embodied experience of sacred thirds coming without mental effort. And this idea that I just kept pulling, it was like I don't know if it was called Against the Grain, a card like that, something like that, where it was like, oh, this has to be something that our minds can't come up with, oh, this has to be something that our minds can't come up with. And when I could go, when I could go into that other place, what would a double bind look like if I was doing it from from the place of service. Then the sacred third was clear of what the way out was. So, yes, but anyway it's alive and I and I I love that you're calling those three like our, our, like our range of resonance, that all of those could be in them or outside of them. But that is just a dance. And it was the same thing with lacrosse, when it was like, oh, shoot. And I'd find myself spiraling again Like, oh yeah, why are you here? Okay, out of love. Like that reminder of like oh, okay, out of love, have more fun. Right, it literally like that was actually one of my things. Like, oh, actually, have more fun. And side note, lex knows that I was wearing a sweatshirt yesterday that has said have more fun on it. And it's so funny because, as I was wearing it, I was like, oh, my gosh, why do I take life so seriously? Like like I so love my work, but I can take it so seriously. And I was like, but aren't we also here to have? Like it's so funny to wear a sweatshirt that says have more fun? Um, that is also, I will just say, when you said the the list for the on-ramp.

One of my things is having a word, and that has not been a thing in the past, but when you and I were together at council, when the word juice came to me, my on-ramp sometimes for intimacy, because oftentimes I am moving at a hyper place where I won't say that like I'm in hyper stress, but it's just like getting things done and like the getting things done is such the opposite energy of sensual energy for me.

And so when I ask myself in the moment where I can be like doesn't he see I'm trying to get things done Like man man, man man, I get to honor the part that's a no. I do get to honor the part that's a no. But if I pause and say, what would, what would the energy of like juice be? And juice for me as a place between the holding it all together and chaos that weaves in um arrows that we use in that life energy of where we meet outside energy with our inside energy. And so when I ask that what opens for me? I'm sorry I totally went off on a tangent here and I'm like and it's so good.

1:04:50 - Speaker 1

When I ask that and I open to it.

1:04:53 - Speaker 2

I realize that there is so much love and pleasure waiting for me that I have the door closed to that sometimes I go with so much resistance only to later be like, oh, that was so pleasurable, why don't I do that more often?

But when I start now, there's just so much more intimacy and love between my husband and I in the last six months and I think that I didn't realize how much love and pleasure and kindness were coming my way, and so even just asking a question kind of opened the door to realize that there were these like floodgates that were just like waiting to open, that weren't just about like needing something more from me, but an energy beyond you know just Steve or I, but like an energy that is waiting, Um. So one of my on-ramp things was even leaning into a word that wasn't like I don't necessarily consider myself like oh, she's like the juiciest female I've ever seen, Right, Like it's more of an edge. It's like, oh, I know that exists in me somewhere and so when I call on it and I amplify that archetype, what shows up in life? That was a total. That was a total sidestep to where we were talking before, but it feels alive, so I love it.

1:06:26 - Speaker 1

I love it because I also feel like it's an invitation for anyone to go. Is there a word? Is there a frequency? Is there an archetype that you really feel like for yourself? Is an is a reflection of love, but maybe an area you don't necessarily let yourself like?

You might have the story of, like I would love to do that, but what time is available for that? Or I would do it, but I have so many things on my to-do list Like that's a good signal that it's the part of you, cause I'll even say one of my archetypes I've been playing with is my artist, like really prioritizing. My artist has felt so edgy and like prioritizing. Even this weekend I went and did this like full day creative workshop and it was hilarious how many random life things almost wanted to make it. So I could not go to this thing because hashtag, of course, and I just was like no, my artist is my priority. But if I can look at my story like there's a lot where it was like that's just you don't do that, which is hilarious because it's actually a very key code in my gene keys is the artistry side, and it's fascinating with you in the juicy side because when I think about when I first met you, and actually at the Emerge event.

So Sarah and I first met at this incredible event, but I totally thought you were wearing a different color dress. I don't know why. You were just this juicy like. I think it's hilarious because this is where sisterhood and sacred mirrors are so powerful. I have, literally from the moment I met you, seen you in just like the juiciest energy. I would 100% have placed you as like this really juicy, sensual woman who I loved dancing with and just like radiates that energy. And so, and then even at the council, right, I knew you in a different way. Sarah and I were on retreat together. Part of me was like, was I just, was my memory just tapped out on what you were wearing, cause my eye was also like completely out of I didn't have the eye thing while we were on that at that event. But I'm like, was my memory just completely out when I saw you at the council?

1:08:29 - Speaker 2

Well, you should have been picking up on a vibe, because you were like, you had like a black jaguar vibe, which is an animal that comes to me in my dreams a lot. It's the one that sits next to me when I meditate. So when you were like, you know, like when you started showing me a picture of the energy, I was like, oh, one of my spirit animals. Oh, my God, maybe it was just the vibe that you were making up on.

1:08:54 - Speaker 1

Yeah. Okay, for context, I this just explains a lot about me actually. So I tend to see people in energy, it's just true. And so it's funny how I'm telling Sarah the next months later, the next time I see you, I'm like, yeah, and you were wearing this amazing black outfit. Cause I literally, if I tell you all, like what I imagine you were like it was, it was this Jaguar. There was like this really juicy energy to you that I felt, like this sensual energy. And then you look at me and you're like Lex.

1:09:29 - Speaker 2

So I was never forget your dress and I was like should I tell her? I don't know, Maybe we'll let this go. So it was like the fourth time where I was like I should tell her. I should just let her know that it was like a bright, flaming red dress that were like flamenco style, like short in the front, long on the back, but it's so good, look at that.

1:09:48 - Speaker 1

But then it was so good Cause then to your point, because you said that then I was able to explain more of the energy I saw in you and then you were like, oh, you're literally choosing one of my spirit animals. I'm like what? And so any who to bring it all back? It's fascinating. Fascinating because for me you have that juicy energy. But again, I guess in some way this is why we have to be in sacred relationships and like meet others, because we mirror back pieces to each other that maybe we don't see inside of ourselves. So I did want to share and I want to go into co-regulation as another key piece, because when I think about your story and the other piece that really stood out to me and from what you've shared with me about the journey of going into motherhood, just how much that initiation really made it clear to you Cause after your athletics you did a lot of I mean Sarah's trained in yoga teacher training. You were teaching, like yoga teachers and so many executives and top high performers about the body physiology many executives and top high performers about the body physiology, like so many pieces Right, and it was a lot of like doing the healing yourself and for self and for people's individual. And then you go through. From what I understood, you go through motherhood and it really opens up this awareness on a deeper level of how much the healing happens in community and in togetherness.

And I'll just put in as a nice little nugget as we go into that that this was so interesting for me because I'm going to drop your other gene key I really wanted to speak about here, which is your meaning code. So this is what makes you have meaning. This is like the piece that makes so the mission is what you're going to be doing. It's going to bring you the fulfillment in your doing. This is the piece that people will feel in your being. As you really like, tap into what gives you a sense of fulfillment in life.

And yours is gene key six, which goes from the shadow of conflict to the gift of diplomacy, to the city of peace. And what's so fascinating to me about this one is it's such a potent opportunity. Like the shadow of conflict is a lot about releasing ourselves from the inner conflict that we create, but also people with this gene key can get very familiar with relational conflict that they find because relationships are our sacred mirrors to often see the things within ourselves that we need to make peace with. And diplomacy, the gift is so much about coming to this deep range, your range of resonance. It's this deep energy of multiple perspectives can exist at the same time and multiple truths can exist at the same time, and it's this awareness of like, where's the peace that exists in that.

I think, in a lot of ways, what your sacred third, if I understand correctly, what you mean with sacred third? So I went, oh so interesting. Because, one, how does that link? And also I was like, oh, I can so see on your journey, how much of it has been this journey internal and like through your leadership, figuring out the discrimination, your gift of knowing what is real inside of yourself. And then also, though, as you tap more and more into fulfillment and meaning, how all your sacred mirrors of relationships are going to show you what truly creates. I think I've heard you talk about the calm energy and like how sometimes that wasn't like actually your fullest expression, but I'm like peace is a different frequency and I'd be curious to know how that fits for you.

1:13:13 - Speaker 2

Um, I have to say I'm like over here and I can like feel a fire in me. Um, like this, like some a little bit of fight energy and like a little bit of sadness. I am so highly skilled at diplomacy it's I wonder I don't know astrology enough if it's that like Pisces, where my Pisces moon, where they'd say like that's your PhD, the thing that you might actually have to work on. If I have then Scorpio rising like a little bit more boundary, a little bit, um, so like diplomatically, not at the sacrifice of self, would be something I have like pretty good at reflective, say backs. I've been studying communication for at least 20 years, but also, I would just say, growing up, just like really good at seeing from other people's perspectives, and so, while I could see from other people's perspectives, it would explain away behaviors. Well, it wasn't personal. You know, in the four. What is it called? The four? Can you think of what it is?

It's a very famous book Four agreements, the four agreements. One of them is nothing's personal, and so I could really see things and people's behaviors that may not feel good and go. Nothing is personal and I can see why. I can see their childhood pattern, I can see why that would play out here. I know that's not about me or or like how I might play into it.

Another really easy way through is to figure out, like, if I can figure out my part, then now I feel empowered because I can into it. Another really easy way through is to figure out, like, if I can figure out my part, then now I feel empowered because I can change it. And so part of the reason why I am currently playing with like calm and peace which might be a different word is to try to let the parts out of me that very naturally appear calm, which like there are some things that have happened to me in life where I am so calm and steady, but I'm like it. Am I the buddha, something? Not just do we mix this up somewhere, like Should people know?

1:15:46 - Speaker 1

Remix Totally.

1:15:50 - Speaker 2

No, I wouldn't take it that far. But yeah, I mean even from like a really wild car accident scene where I just was so calm and so steady as my car was like spinning and just looking in the direction I want to go and like miracle of miracles that I was not injured, nobody else was injured and my car somehow, after like 80 miles per hour and hitting up against a guardrail, no marks on it. So part of me was like is that natural calm or is that freeze? And so I'm just you know I don't want to label everything because we could psychologize everything Like you're not calm, you are in freeze, you're not this, you're you know like I could look at everything as negative.

But I do now wonder how often am I suppressing things to keep the peace, not in the car scenario, but in relational things. And so my curiosity possibly around the peace, like what is real peace versus calm I do think that's a different word would be what are my fight outlets? So I talk now about like building outlets into daily life. When I was an athlete, that is built into athletics. Right, you're fighting for the ball, you're boxing somebody out in basketball, you're diving for something, you have your flight outlet You're running from somebody. How can I, as a mom, have outlets for those emotions so that, when something does come up, they don't flood me but I can have an appropriate response, which may be verbal or it may be that, like, um, I go for a really hard run, like that day I can move that energy. So I think that moving from diplomacy to peace has to do with moving energies that are often thought to be outside of the range of resonance and moving them from a place of choice when I can and I think that is where my piece is going to come from and where it does come from, where I have more expression.

There was one day I got an email that really triggered me and I was there. Like you know, there's a Vegas nerve release where you put your fingers in your ears and your earlobes and pull down, and my daughter was there and I'm trying that and I'm, you know, doing the sobes and pull down, and my daughter was there and I'm trying that, and I'm doing the soothe and distract things and I'm putting my hands on my heart and I'm trying to do it. And I was like, oh, I'm really freaking angry. And so I turned on a song and I asked my daughter. She's nine, so I don't feel like it was that inappropriate of a song, but it is. Can I swear on this podcast? Yes, okay, it's. This is a song that's called bitch. Like I'm a bitch, I'm a lover.

1:18:35 - Speaker 1

I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, do not feel ashamed.

1:18:42 - Speaker 2

So it's like saying I'm all these parts, right, and then I get to be all these parts and you might be really happy when I show up as just this one part, but I need you to know I'm all these parts. So, anyway, I just like turn it. I was like Sophie, are you okay with it? I know it has this word in it. How do you feel about that? She's like great.

So being able to express the fight outlet like through dance, which was just like jumping up and down and that's a little bit of flight too, and just like shaking and punching my arms back and forth, it's a way that's fun and it's generative.

Like, as I do it on the other side, I'm not exhausted, like I feel better and I feel more alive. And for my daughter I could also discern like this is not a scary anger rage. This is a way where she can see me moving it in a generative, choice-based way, so that I can move some of that energy out of me and then I can still respond in a way to honor my boundaries, but I've moved some of the energy. So I think that moving from diplomacy to peace has to do with honoring the energy of the emotions without getting stuck to the emotions, right, emote motions in motion, right, and so, yeah, thank you for helping me walk through that, because I'm like diplomacy is like a loaded word where I'm like I'm so good at it, I am so good at it and it is different than peace, and I am really in the practice of like that authentic peace.

1:20:12 - Speaker 1

It's so interesting because this is a gene key you and I share, actually, and I have never shared it that way. But when I also this was one of the jinkies that when I first discovered about myself, also made me have a lot of the same exact feelings as you that was actually how I would best describe it I wanted to cry. I felt kind of for me a bit angry about it, I felt kind of a sense of an exhale and I but I honestly wanted to cry. I remember this was one that like really made me kind of cry because I also felt in a way, that the diplomacy is something I've had to almost explain to people too many times. In a way, too Like there's been times where also I think our world can kind of be fed off of you feel more belonging, and I can only say it for myself and I'm really curious if this resonates for you. Like, sometimes I felt like if I would just fall into one of the duality consciousness perspectives, I would fit in more Whoa Because of diplomacy, I find I'm often the one who can always see the sacred third, I think in your language.

Right, I often can always see all the perspectives, which means in most spaces I always feel slightly like the odd one out Because I'm always someone kind of there for the middle ground lens of I can see this and the and I think, those who have the diplomacy gift there's a way we always see the end. But I also find a lot of peace. So I find I can weave best in many ways with those who have this gene key, cause I think we can handle a lot of nuance. But I didn't realize how isolated I had actually felt many times because of this one.

1:21:50 - Speaker 2

Does that resonate In a major way? I have gotten to a place of being part of. You know was assisting and moving towards like a role of teaching in alchemical alignment and in the, and like it came to me, like to me, like 10 minutes away from where I live. It's the only live course they teach online. People are there from all over the world. So if it could be any place all over the world, the only live one happening was at one of my best friend's studios, 10 minutes from my house.

And I get through module one and what I want to feel is I want to feel so grateful that it's here. I want to feel so grateful I have an opportunity to do it in person instead of just like online, and instead my feeling is fitting in, is the opposite of belonging, which is a Brene Brown, and like this, such deep sadness that it's time for me to go and it's time for me to put together my own program and I knew it, but I like also wanted to hold onto that and the sad thing is that when somebody or something, so that program had been such an anchor during some of the darkest years of my life and so to feel like I don't belong in a place. That felt like an anchor and it's nothing that they, you know they didn't do something wrong. And that happened in the yoga school. I, you know, I was, I think, their first student of thousands that they asked to come and teach a hundred hour module and make it from scratch, and um, and then there's a part of like oh, I really need to make this my own. And so often I'm weaving things where opposite schools don't agree with each other and I'm weaving a new truth that I see and it's not going to be for everybody.

And what I love about teaching, then, is actually probably what part of what I love about teaching is that people who resonate get to learn a language that I have been weaving. That's been felt. That has otherwise felt somewhat isolating because I don't belong to any school, and I can feel that in friendship groups and I can feel that in political scenarios and I can feel it like back when COVID was a really big deal, like to not have us in every year, like a lot of people. When they just have a yoga guru, I'm like, wow, what's that? Like just to like totally believe one person's method and be like that must be so great, like you just like believe it all and it just works for you and not in a condescending way. I'm just like, oh, that sounds so great. Because maybe the other side of curiosity is just that I don't know that there's like just one way that you can lean into and say, oh, I just believe that and I'm going to yeah. So that's maybe the shadow side too a little bit.

But when you described that I was like whoa. I really get that, that feeling of like do I belong anywhere? I don't know if those were your words, but that's how I.

1:25:03 - Speaker 1

No, it's so. I so relate to you in this energy of I've had to come to this beautiful peace point. It's interesting that this word is peace, because I realize and this is why one of the many reasons I love the gene keys is like, with a moment, I saw this and I've seen, as you know, I've seen so many. I've seen hundreds of people sharing keys at this point and seeing who has even this code as an example Cause, of course I can. I love all the 64 codes. I see how all of them are super potent and right, any of them that are ones that are in my blueprint. I can also, from a very lived out experience, go like, ooh, I extra feel you and this one in particular. I can see that those who I've met who have this key, I can also see that the way you're living your life and the way your soul is guiding you is to be the bridge. I realized something I've made and I've even had one of our mutual friends that you and I share Kate Scudder has mentioned it like back in the day, she's always called me a bridge and it's like if we can see it in the light.

So what helped me is the moment I saw okay, wait, actually my gift is diplomacy, my gift is peace, like I can bring peace into spaces. It started to be this thing that, instead of always feeling like I didn't belong, I was like, oh, what if I'm the bridge, what if I can be the glue, the invisible glue that just kind of helps to weave people together. And it's so interesting that you and I both relate so much to weaving. And with that we'll pause here for today. I'm hoping that you're feeling as resourced and inspired as I am after this beautiful conversation with Sarah Tacey. Her presence is such a reminder that sustainable leadership isn't about doing more. It's about deepening into your body, into your realness and your capacity to meet life from a nourished place.

If today's conversation resonated with you, we would love to hear what landed to come. Share your reflections with us on Instagram, whether it was a new insight, a ritual you're excited to try, or simply a moment where you felt deeply seen in this conversation. And definitely join us for part two. So the next episode that will be released, where we dive even deeper into the power of co-regulation, sacred sisterhood and the importance of building a wider base of support as you navigate leadership, life and expansion Plus, we share real world rituals you can start weaving into your life right away. It's so potent and so juicy, you don't want to miss it. And if you feel called to explore Sarah's work more deeply, you'll find links to her free offering, 21 days of support, her upcoming programs and her offerings and more on her website, all linked in the show notes. And more than anything, thank you so much for tuning in with us and until next time, I hope you continue to elevate your life, one intentional day at a time.