Tracey Field [00:00:00]:

You're listening to the Driving Confidence podcast for drivers who want to be calm and confident on the road, we will.

Tracey Field [00:00:11]:

Be sharing tips, stories and advice to.

Tracey Field [00:00:14]:

Beat driving nerves and anxiety and build your driving confidence. Whether you are just starting out as.

Tracey Field [00:00:20]:

A learner or have had your driving license for years, if you want to.

Tracey Field [00:00:24]:

Transfer form how you feel about driving.

Tracey Field [00:00:27]:

This podcast is for you. So in this episode we wanted to talk a little bit about stress and.

Kev Field [00:00:39]:

Basically what we want you to know is, well, I want to know, and I know our listeners want to know, is what is stress?

Tracey Field [00:00:47]:

Yeah, so stress is really interesting because stress means different things for different people. So we did in a previous episode we talked about parallel parking. Well, some people get stressed by parallel parking, some people don't. So why is it, what is it that makes different things stressful for different people? So that's what we thought we'd talk about today and this comes back constantly to that message that we have about there is no one size fits all and that isn't just about stress management techniques. That's the same with stress, with nerves, with anxiety, with everything.

Kev Field [00:01:27]:

So stress is different for everybody?

Tracey Field [00:01:30]:

Yes.

Kev Field [00:01:30]:

But what actually causes the stress then?

Tracey Field [00:01:33]:

Okay, well generally stress is when there is a gap between what somebody wants to do or needs to do and then what they believe they're capable of. Okay, so if you need to get something done by a certain time or a certain deadline and you don't believe that there is enough time for you to be able to do that, then you'll feel stressed. So it's all about this gap between what you need to do and your ability to do it.

Kev Field [00:02:08]:

Okay, so going back to the parallel park, then the parallel park causes stress, but what actually causes the stress is not the parking potentially. It might be the lack of knowledge to do it, but it could be the lack of knowledge and others as well.

Tracey Field [00:02:27]:

Yeah, so it could be the fact that, you know, you need to park your car in this space between two cars, but either you don't know how to do it. So a skills gap, a knowledge gap is always going to create stress and anxiety because you don't have that.

Kev Field [00:02:46]:

You haven't got the information to be able to do it, have you?

Tracey Field [00:02:48]:

Exactly. You don't know what to do. And when you don't know what to do, you immediately feel stressed and you don't believe you have the ability. But also there's that sort of like time deadline thing in there as well, isn't there? So if there are other people around, then you may feel that you need to do it first time or that you need to do it quickly. And you might feel that you don't have the ability to do it first time or to do it quickly.

Kev Field [00:03:18]:

So they want to get out of the way of others.

Tracey Field [00:03:21]:

Yeah.

Kev Field [00:03:22]:

So that causes them the stress is there and then they change what they normally do because something's happened. The stress is overtaking them.

Tracey Field [00:03:33]:

If you think about it, their primary objective was different, but suddenly this extra objective, this extra need to get out of somebody's way overtakes.

Kev Field [00:03:47]:

So it's it's the I'm relating it to some of the lessons and the teachings that I've done. The stress comes from a gap.

Tracey Field [00:03:57]:

Yes.

Kev Field [00:03:58]:

The gap is the important thing, and what we need to do is to reduce that gap. And it's not my gap, it's the person's gap.

Tracey Field [00:04:08]:

Exactly, yes. Because you could make an assumption based on what your gaps are.

Kev Field [00:04:14]:

Yeah.

Tracey Field [00:04:15]:

But that might not be the same as the person who's feeling stressed.

Kev Field [00:04:20]:

So it goes back to, again, what they can control and what they can't control. So they can control a car, but they can't control the emotions because they need to do it quicker and then it goes wrong. So there's a gap there. So what do they need to do to fill that gap? And I suppose that's the big question here, isn't it? What can they do that's going to reduce that gap? I potentially say reduce, because sometimes you probably might never get rid of that if the situation develops that way.

Tracey Field [00:04:52]:

Yeah. So that old thing that we say all the time, the old chestnut of do some detective work, what exactly is it? What is the gap and how can you fill that gap? Can you fill that gap? Can you reduce that gap down? Now, the other thing that's important here is that you only get stressed about things that you care about. So if you're somebody parallel parking a car and you don't care how long it takes, how many goes it takes you, how long you hold up traffic, whether you get it in or not, whether it's dodgy parking, whether it looks like you've dumped your car rather than parking your car, if you don't care, you won't feel stressed. You only feel stressed when you care.

Kev Field [00:05:40]:

That is so interesting. So I liked to park my car quite well. Obviously, if people see me park in a car, I'd like them to see that I can park my car.

Tracey Field [00:05:51]:

Yeah. Especially when your rooftop box is on all the time.

Kev Field [00:05:54]:

To tell you the truth, it's just something about me that I like parking. Just don't give me an empty car park, because then it's like making a choice and I can't make choice.

Tracey Field [00:06:04]:

Yeah. I'm going to tell you now that Kev cannot choose a parking space for Toffee.

Kev Field [00:06:08]:

No, if it's one space, I'm fine, but if you give me a choice, it's just like, no, this isn't going to happen.

Tracey Field [00:06:14]:

Yes, it's really funny.

Kev Field [00:06:15]:

This space looks better than the other one. Or that one's closer than that one. Yeah, that one's got a bit of paper in it. Now, I'm not going to choose that one. So, yeah, it is very interesting for me, parking in an empty car park, but going back to that gap, and I just keep thinking about empty car parks now. But what it is for me is the caring. And people want to do a good job, don't they? If they're on their test, they want to do it well, so they pass a test. So how can people build confidence rather than having the stress in certain situations? How can people build confidence?

Tracey Field [00:06:54]:

Yeah. So it's knowing what you need to do. That question that you often say on this podcast, what skills have you already got that will help you? What have you done before that will help you? And it's looking back on your past successful experiences. So that can help bridge that gap. So even if it is something that's a little bit new, if you know, you've got some experiences that you've carried out successfully that might help you in this situation, that will give you more confidence.

Kev Field [00:07:32]:

So it's believing in your ability.

Tracey Field [00:07:35]:

Believing in your ability now, the research shows, which is quite interesting. Well, I find it interesting that there is a delayed reaction.

Kev Field [00:07:47]:

I like what you did there.

Tracey Field [00:07:50]:

There is a delay between your actual ability, your performance ability and your belief in your ability. So in some phobia research that was carried out, people were actually performing at a higher level than they believed they were. And it took a little while for that belief to catch up. So I think you need to be collecting those successful experiences under your belt to have enough of them to have gathered enough evidence almost to then be able to believe in your ability.

Kev Field [00:08:29]:

So having the belief breeds confidence.

Tracey Field [00:08:32]:

Yeah, absolutely, we know that. So if you know you have to do something and you trust or have confidence that you have the ability to do it, you won't feel that much stress.

Kev Field [00:08:43]:

So what we're doing there is managing the stress. Yeah, controlling it to a certain extent. But we're managing it, aren't we? Because we still might feel stressed.

Tracey Field [00:08:51]:

We still might feel stressed. And we talk about different things for that all the time, don't we? So controlling your thoughts, interrupting negative thoughts, either through that quick mindfulness exercise that we often share, or through talking yourself through things, so there isn't room for that. Breathing exercises are good ways of managing your stress and all the other things that we mention regularly. What is stress? It's a gap. How do we fill the gap? We do the detective work, we look at what the gap is, find out what information that we need or past experiences that we might already have to help us fill that gap. Use some stress management techniques if you're still feeling a little bit stressed. And remind yourself that one, thoughts are not facts, but two, you only feel the stress because you care, so reminding yourself of that can be really helpful sometimes, I think it's nice, isn't it?

Kev Field [00:09:53]:

It's nice. I like it when people care. They care about what they're doing, but also they want to do it correctly, potentially.

Tracey Field [00:10:02]:

And that's what we want for people, drivers on the road to be caring about what they're doing. Okay? So hopefully that helps. Hopefully that resonates with you. If it does, let us know. Our contact details are in the show notes. As always, remember to share with anyone else that you think might find it useful, and don't forget to follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast player. And if you can leave us a review, that's great as well, because that really helps other people who might need the podcast to find us. So all that leaves us to say is have a great day. Whatever you're doing,