Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time

with you today. How you doing? Well, it's a beautiful, sunny,

spring day today.

Nevertheless, my grandmother felt the need to treat me with

the silent treatment.

For that, for some of you, it might be novelty, and might be

something that you've never experienced in your life before,

and you don't even know that it exists. And others know exactly

what I mean. And others grew up with that, and give people the

silent treatment at times, without even knowing.

So I didn't look up any definitions now.

To see how I would word it, silent treatment for me. And my

experience is when you upset someone, intentionally or

unintentionally, and that person doesn't react, respond in the

moment, but only after, after you left the room after you left

the house.

After you said goodbye, that person ponders on the

conversation that was had the fight that was had,

and builds up so much anger, so much resentment, that they

poison themselves. And the next time you see them, they will not

make eye contact. It's probably very different for different

people. But in my case, my family doesn't make any eye

contact. They go about the day, maybe a little more aggressively

than usual. And in my case, my family, it is the female

relatives that I have that indulge a little more and

cleaning and cooking.

And

whatever you say, they will answer with one word or two

words, but keep it very short.

And so to say, ignore you.

And it's a very painful experience to go through.

Especially if you don't know what you have done.

Most of the time you ask that person what has happened, and

they say, everything's fine. It's all good. It's just having

a day. But you know exactly that. They're not just having a

day that it's all directed towards you. And sometimes you

ask them, Hey, like, Did I say something wrong? Are you upset,

and they just explode in your face and tell you everything

that you've ever done and how useless needless or whatever

you are. So to give you an example.

And it might be very silly for you. But I love to have a wild

garden. And grandma hates the love trees that are growing in

front of my house here. So yesterday she was with her at

eight years.

like trying to walk through ice and snow to get me to see the

tree that she wants to cut in front of my house. Remember,

it's not in front of her house, it's not blocking her view, is

doing nothing in her life. But she just hates how I have a wild

garden and she doesn't appreciate that. So she came to

a point where she nearly fell. And this is where I completely

lost it. And yeah, I'm not a saint either. I told her this

was stupid. And I'm not going to cut that tree down.

And she's gonna break a leg here or something she has to go back

inside. And I don't want to talk about this with her. So for the

whole day, and the whole morning this morning. She wouldn't look

into my eyes. She wouldn't talk to me. And I know she can go

like this in that mode, self poisoning mode and trying to

punish me for days and days and days.

And I just went about my business I uploaded

An episode and did my usual Facebook

stuff. But then I said, Ah, fuck, I just have to go and talk

to her and hear her out and be patient. But not given like, I'm

still not going to cut that tree down. It's an Aspen tree is a

beautiful tree that grows next to a pine tree, or a spruce

tree, I don't know. But I learned that those trees have a

beautiful symbiosis.

I know you pronounce that differently in English, but I

don't know how to pronounce it right? Those trees give each

other nutrients. The one tree has shallow roots. The other

tree growing right next to him, has deep roots. So that tree

sucks up the nutrients and the water from deep down and

nurtures himself and the neighboring tree. So I love to

see those. Both trees growing next to each other. And

grandma's just like this leafy tree growing next to a needle

tree. And I just hate that view. It looks very an orderly.

And yeah, chaotic. And maybe you guys know me listening to my

podcast here, but maybe you don't don't I love chaos. I love

how Mother Nature has unpredictability and wildness.

And

yeah, beautiful little stories, like I just told you between

those two little trees. And I see absolutely no use in doing

that job. So then she makes me feel as if I'm the laziest brat

there is on earth. And I just resist because it has nothing to

do with how productive I am. If I resist to do that little job.

So there's a whole thing of generational generational

dispute going on and values and beliefs. And she wants strict

order. And I love natural chaos. And so she treats me with the

silent treatment. And really, if you have gone through that you

are being

made feel,

I don't know, if you say that way, like the worst person on

earth. And you really have to grow out, you have to grow up

and out of that system to realize that the whole problem

lies with the other person not being able to express their

anger and resentment in the moment.

It's not that they

are intentionally doing that. But I think that just wired and

they have not the ability to break out and to open up and

gently express themselves. They either have to explode on your

face, or they have to make you feel shitty about yourself. And

it's a very, very uncomfortable situation to be with.

I've only met women being able to do that. So if you are a

woman out there who experienced that, from the other side, your

man was doing that to you. Please reach out to me and share

with me. But so far, I've only seen observed lab behavior, and

my female relatives, and among females, it's a very painful

experience to go through. Because I feel most of us want

to hear was what was upsetting the other person. But I feel

they believe that their opinion maybe is not worth enough or

that they will not be listened to. And this is why they react

like that. And yeah, I mean, I'm not saying as I said, I can get

really loud. And if I find something stupid and useless. I

voice it right away and this might be intimidating the other

person and then they shut down and choose to punish me the

silent way.

It's not the solution though. So that's why I said to myself, I

have to reach out to her I have to like build a bridge again

because there's no point in sitting in that

That misery for all too long she is suffering. I can ignore it,

but I choose not to so awesome.

Again, if you if experienced the silent treatment, reach out to

me on Facebook or Instagram, you can find me under Aurora Eggert

or the Borealis experience on Instagram. I would love to chat

about it in a little more depth. And if you realize now holy

shithead This is me. I'm giving people the silent treatment and

how can I get out of it. also reach out to me and we can have

a chat about it. Because I feel it's a very important thing to

talk about. It's something that we might not be aware about. And

it's so destructive and crippling, to your partner and

to the relationship you're living in.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode today. I feel

it's an important topic to talk about.

No matter on which end you're standing if you are the sender,

the creator of the silent treatment. Please be aware that

you have to learn to express your emotions. And to not be

scared of reactions, you just stand your ground. And if you

are the receiver of the silent treatment, know that you don't

have to put up with it. You can confront that person in a very

gentle and loving way and ask them to speak up. But if they

don't choose to, if they choose to keep treating you like that,

not talking to you, avoiding you, then please take your

things and leave that situation until that person decides to

open up. Don't expose yourself for an extended time to that

poisonous behavior.

Thank you for listening to the Borealis experience and sending

my love out there to you and I will be out there for you