Are you silently battling the crushing weight of financial fear?

Do the numbers in your bank account feel like they're judging you

rather than just informing you?

Well, if that's the case, you are not alone and today's financially confident

Christian, my friend Craig and I are going to go into great questions you've shared

and we're gonna ask the tough question.

When the numbers hurt, can faith truly heal our financial fears?

So stick around because if you've ever felt shame or panic or discouragement

about your money, this episode is for you.

And before we jump into today's show, I'm thrilled to share a quick preview of my

brand new weekly show, grit and Growth Business, which officially launched today.

It didn't start your business to get rich overnight.

You didn't expect it to be easy.

But you also probably didn't expect it to feel this hard either.

The long hours, the late nights, staring at the numbers, the pressure

to keep it all together while wondering if you're doing something wrong.

Yeah, I've been there too.

I'm Ralph Estep Jr. And after 30 years of running businesses, coaching entrepreneurs

and walking through fire with clients, I can tell you this, most of the people

you admire didn't skip the hard parts.

They survived them, they grew them, and that's what this show is all about.

Welcome to Grit and Growth Business, a podcast for small business

owners who build it from scratch.

No trust funds here, no startup hype, just you, your vision and the

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This is grit and growth business strategies that grow businesses,

and we're just getting started.

Hey there and welcome back to Financially Confident Christian.

I'm Ralph and it's great to be with you for a special episode.

This is the show that helps you answer that question, how can I become a

financially confident Christian?

Over the past few days, we've kicked off our new series dealing

with the Stress of Money Worries.

I. We covered some foundational, maybe even challenging topics designed to help

you take those crucial first steps towards that financial piece rooted in your faith.

And today we're gonna discuss some powerful questions sent in by you,

listeners just like you, questions that really illustrate the difficult struggles

we've been talking about this past week.

Well, welcome Craig.

How are you doing today, my friend?

Doing all right.

Can you tell It's summertime.

I'm in a T-shirt, I don't get paid in the summer, but I don't,

it's nice to have the schedule,

So Craig, I'm, I'm eager as we go through these to get

your insights on these as we go.

So question one, let me jump right to that.

And this one comes to us from Paige and it cuts right to the

core of where many of us start.

And this is what Paige wrote.

She said, Ralph, thank you for talking about financial shame in your episode.

Am I the only one losing sleep over money?

She said, I feel so much shame about my debt, my past money mistakes.

It makes it really hard to talk to anyone about it, even my spouse.

How do I actually push past that shame and take the step to talk?

Well, Paige, I wanna thank you for your raw honesty there.

This isn't just a question, it's really a cry for help that

resonates with so many of us.

That shame you feel is exactly the struggle we talked about

in that initial episode.

It's really a heavy burden and it thrives in isolation.

It whispers lies that you're alone and unworthy.

But I wanna start by telling you this page, but remember the biblical principle

from Galatians chapter two verse, or excuse me, chapter six, verse two.

I have a little dyslexia there, Craig.

Um, and it says this.

It says, carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you

will fulfill the law of Christ.

And I love this verse because it says, God designed us for community

to support one another, especially when we're having difficulties.

And see, shame tries to tell you that your struggles are unique and embarrassing.

But here's the truth, and this is anchored in faith.

There's a whole point of this show is that you are loved and valued by God

regardless of your financial situation.

And just remember this page, your worth is not tied to your net worth.

There are other believers who have faced similar challenges and truly

can offer grace, wisdom, and support.

So, Craig, what are your thoughts on Paige's question here today?

Well, I think you raised some good, uh, points for her, but I, I always

find shame to be a fairly pointless emotion unless it leads to action.

It's, it's kind of like guilt, you know, it's past focused

and we can't change the past.

So if you're feeling some shame, try to turn that into, um, some

sort of action that you can take to make the situation better.

And I think you can actually transform that shame into, into a form of pride.

So it's, you know, if you just feel shame it, it doesn't do

anything but weigh on you.

But if you can turn that shame into positive action, then

at least it has some benefit.

I agree with you a hundred percent, Craig.

I think so many people get mired down in that, in that whole shame loop, and, and

it just, it keeps you stuck where you are.

And I, I thought about some other things, Paige, that I thought would

be useful things to talk about.

One of the things that I think you need to start with is acknowledge

and confess, you know, what you've done in the past, because I think

that's, that's the foundation.

If you, if you come to a point where you say, look, yes, I made mistakes.

Listen Craig, I speak for me, but I've made financial mistakes and

this is what I do for a living.

So Paige and other people who are watching or listening right now,

start by acknowledging that, you know, as a Christian, as a Christian

finance show, acknowledge that to God.

Say, God, listen, I, I'm not perfect at this.

God's not asking you for perfection.

That's the first thing you know.

I think as human beings, we get stuck on this expectation that because God

is perfect, we've gotta be perfect too.

But guess what, here, here's a little truth bomb.

We're never gonna be perfect.

So I think if you start off with that foundation and, and one of the

things I talked about in the show, Craig, is that, and, and I think it,

it helps to identify one safe person, one safe person that you can go to.

I call that your sanctuary.

And listen, that might not be your spouse and that's okay, but go find one

safe person because to try to bear this all on your own, it is really not easy.

Craig, did you have some thoughts?

It looked like you had a thought there.

Yeah.

It isn't easy to bear that alone.

Um.

But I, I wanna go take a, maybe a half a step back.

Sure.

Sometimes your financial situation is, is a result of things you've done or didn't

do, but sometimes it's just bad luck.

And so, you know, I know sometimes people feel shame about circumstances

that are beyond their control, so that, that also seems like it's,

it's pretty counterproductive to me.

So just because you're not in a strong financial situation.

That just may be the way the dice rolled for you.

So don't, don't feel like it's always your fault.

Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't.

Yeah, I, I agree with you and, and you know, and like I said, I go

find that safe person to talk about.

So, you know, and you could say to somebody, something like, Hey, I've

been really stressed about finances and I need to talk to someone about it

because like you said, Craig, it, it might have been nothing that you did.

Like, you're just the unlucky winner of the, of the lottery of bad fortune.

You know, it's funny, I I have one client, he always says, well, Ralph, you

know, if something's gonna happen, it's always the black cloud over my business.

And here's the truth, because like, there have been times in, in

time again when he's done nothing.

It's just, it just happened.

Like, you know, it just, he, he would have an accident or somebody would get hurt

and, you know, but, but, but you know, I think what we're alluding to is, is,

is break that silence, take a brave step because you don't need a grand solution.

You know, sometimes you just need someone else to listen and, and, and

just reaffirm your identity in Christ.

So keep reminding yourself this.

Your identity is in crisis, not in your credit score.

It's not in how much is in your bank account and your value is secure with him.

You're not gonna lose that.

You know, it's, that's independent of your financial standing.

And here's the thing, I think shame aims to redefine you by your mistakes.

And I think that's the problem, is that's exactly what shame does.

But faith, if we're, if we're strong in our faith, it reminds

you that that what God says you are, who you, who he says you are.

So, so again, Craig, or excuse me, Paige, I just wanna thank you

for that question because it takes immense courage to even ask it.

But I think that asking that question is the first step to really break

in that breaking that shame and getting to a point of healing.

Well, let's move on to our second question, and this one comes to us from

Courtney, and Courtney writes this, and it speaks to a fundamental fear that

many of us have and that that's the fear of truly looking at our situation.

This is what Courtney said.

She says, I listened to, how can I look at my bank account without

panicking, and how do I get a clear picture of my money situation?

She said, Ralph, I tried to look at my bank account, but I just froze up.

The fear is overwhelming.

How do I get past this panic to actually do that snapshot?

Well, Courtney, I hear you loud and clear because I've been there too.

I can remember times when that, and this is before I, I wanna really date myself.

Now, Craig, this is before you could log into your bank account.

And I remember the fear of getting that monthly statement, you know, or, or

I, was I gonna get that call from the bank that my account was overdrawn?

Because they would give you a call and say, Hey, guess what?

Uh, we gotta check here that we can't, uh, we can't cover right now.

And, and that fear is real and it's a major hurdle.

And, and that's a, that's the, uh, that's really the struggle that I

addressed in that show that I did.

How can I look at my bank account without panicking?

Honestly, it's the fear of the unknown.

It's the fear of what the numbers might confirm, or it's that

same feeling of being condemned.

But I want you to remember this, Courtney from two Timothy

of chapter one, verse seven.

It says, for for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of

power, of love and of self-discipline.

And see, here's the thing, Courtney, you've got access

to God's power to face this.

This isn't just about willpower, it's about spiritual warfare against anxiety.

Craig, what are your thoughts on Courtney's situation here?

I'm gonna sound very cranky.

Old Manish.

Here we go.

But my, my, my first thought was, it didn't take long.

What are we, eight minutes in?

Eight minutes in?

Not bad, not bad.

He, he's the, it's, it's the Craig Curmudgeon moment.

No, I'm just being funny.

There we go.

There we go.

So my first

thought was cowgirl up.

Yeah.

You know, I, I mean, really burying your head in the sand doesn't

do any good, you know, fate.

So I'll tell you a quick story.

Um, have you ever seen the agil, the agility, uh, trials that dogs do?

Oh, sure.

Absolutely.

Sure.

Our, our little border collie, Maggie took agility lessons and she was a

natural, she was awesome at everything.

But the evil teeter totter, oh, that teeter to itch.

Every time.

Every time, every time.

And so she'd be running towards the teeter totter and she'd

kind of stop and get hesitant.

And I'd, I'd look down at her and I'd say, face your fears, Maggie.

Face your fears.

And so that became a meme in our little class.

But, but I think you have to do that.

Face your fears, because what you find out when you face your fears, often those

fears are just built up in your own head.

They're not real danger.

You know, she was not gonna get hurt on the teeter totter.

I mean, it's still evil, but she wasn't gonna get hurt on it.

And looking at your finances, yeah, it's unpleasant, but rip the bandaid off.

Face your fears and you'll find out that, oh, okay, this isn't that bad.

Or you, you at least have taken the first step at doing something about it.

Now my less cra I have a less cranky answer too, if you wanna hear that here.

Thi this is a, a double answer.

I like it.

This is a double answer.

So one of the things that, um, can be really helpful is to try

to take what we could call a disinterested third party view.

So don't make it your bank account.

Pretend, and this is a mental trick.

Pretend like it's somebody else's spending log or bank account, or,

you know, stack of bills or whatever, and, and take that higher level

view where you, it's not about you.

This is other person that's in this situation and, and I think it's a

little mental trick, but it can be very useful to just step back and a bit.

Yeah, that's the benefit I have in my accounting practice.

I get to do that on a daily basis, Craig, because in a lot of ways, when I'm looking

at people's finances, it's not mine.

So I have that third party, you know, ability.

Now the other thing I was gonna bring up though is I remember when I, I took

the Dale Carnegie courses and one of the things that they, stride the narrow

was, you know, here's what we do.

We assume the worst possible outcome.

Right?

Just, just make that assumption.

And, and I, and I think, Courtney, that's what I'm gonna tell you here.

I think this is a good way to handle this too, Craig, and I hope you agree with me,

is assume the worst possible scenario.

And then work the darnedest to improve upon that.

But you just have to face that fear, like you know, what's the

worst possible scenario that you log into your bank account and

it's a zero or it's a negative?

Okay, fine.

It is what it is.

What do you do to change that?

Now let's talk about how you can change that, right?

And, and one of the things I think you can do is you don't

have to do everything at once.

You know, start mi uh, what, what I call microscopically small, just one number.

Just say, I'm gonna face the fear of this.

I'm gonna look at, you know, what's going on.

And I, the other thing I'm gonna tell you is, you know, we talk

about Christian faith on here.

Put on your armor, your spiritual armor.

You know, pray for courage before you look if it takes that.

And listen, this isn't a quick fix, but it's inviting God

into your moments of weakness.

You know, breathe.

Look and take, you know, thank God and say, you know, this is a cycle.

I can get past this.

And you've gotta just go gradually, you know, brick by

brick to build that confidence.

Like your dog, you know, your dog's not gonna jump onto that teeter totter.

The first time that you look down and, and you're the dog whisper and

say the teeter totter is not bad.

Are, are are German Shepherd.

She freaks out when she sees a box come into the house.

So anytime Amazon arrives, her name is Piper.

And she just sees this box come in and she freezes.

But so listen to this one, Craig.

So I walk her on the farm most mornings and we're out for a morning walk today.

And we've got a, a bunch of, um, deer here on the farm, you know, big deer.

And they're, they're what they call swamp deer or marsh deer.

So a little bit bigger and darker.

Well, every time she sees one.

Man, she goes tearing off at em, right?

And I'm thinking, well, if I could just retrain her.

So this, lemme finish my story.

So this morning, and we've got gate, we got fences around

the whole property, right?

Because what happens is this marsh, I dunno if you guys

have ever been around marsh.

It is the nastiest, like black, like tar water.

Well, she doesn't understand that.

She just jumps right in.

So this morning I'm out there walking her, we get, we get to a turn and she sees a

couple of deer on the other side of the fence and I'm thinking, oh, here we go.

So I continue my walk, I'm doing my everything.

Get to the, she's gone.

I'm like, where is this dog?

Well, she had hopped the fence, clear the fence, she's standing there, covered

from head to foot in black stuff.

And I said, now I'm gonna put you in a box.

I'm just being funny.

You see no fear when it comes to the deer jumping the fence, jumping into

the marsh, and we don't have alligators up here in Delaware, but no fear.

But man, if you bring a box in the house from Amazon, she loses it.

So you just have to face, you know, I'm sorry.

Go ahead, Craig.

No, well I was gonna say there, there's actually

a really cool lesson there,

right?

So the thing that might hurt her, you know, she goes after a big buck.

You know, they could turn and do some damage.

Oh, absolutely.

The, the box isn't gonna hurt her.

So she fears what she shouldn't fear.

Right.

And so, and, and we're all like that.

We've all got their, our thing that just kind of freaks us out a little bit.

Um, but don't, you know, you, you just have to sometimes just face your fear.

Yeah.

And I think it'll, and I think the other side of that is focus on facts.

Because so many times we focus on feelings.

Oh, I feel this way.

I mean, feelings are great.

You know, you can feel whatever you want to feel, but there are facts about things.

You know?

The fact is, here's a simple example.

If your account is overdrawn, it didn't magically happen.

You know, it just like if I get to the end of the day and my

blood sugar's high, guess why?

Well, because one or two reasons.

Either I ate two me sweets or I didn't exercise enough.

Right?

Well, your bank account's no different than that.

Either you took more out than you put in.

It's not a, but focus on the facts because you can get stuck

in that quagmire of feelings.

It's, it's really easy to do that.

So, Courtney, I just wanna thank you for sending that in.

Your courage in sharing.

This is really ex it really inspiring to all of us.

Well, let's move on and,

sorry if I got cranky.

No, you didn't get, crank

it all.

It, it's, it's the summer in Louisiana that you're feeling I think

Craig.

There you go.

There you go.

That's.

Well, let's move on to our next question.

This one comes to us from Jessica and Jessica Hits a common frustration

once people get past that initial fear and look at their numbers.

So this is Jessica.

She's gotten past that fear Craig, and now she's actually looking at her

numbers and she said, Ralph, I made a snapshot and now I'm trying to create

a budget like you talked about in Can a budget really reduce my stress?

But it feels so confusing.

Where do I even start putting numbers into categories and

what if it doesn't look right?

That's a great question, Jessica.

You're asking the exact question that can stop people dead in their tracks

once they decide to budget because they hear the word budget and they're

like, oh, I'm not good with the money.

That, and you know, it's funny, I recorded a short the other day

and it's funny 'cause I said, you know, a lot of people say that to

me, Ralph, I'm not good with money.

Okay, well, if you aren't good at something, you have two choices.

Either you can continue to not be good at it, or you can try to figure out

a way to improve your skills, right?

And it can be incredibly confusing initially, I get it.

It's like learning a new language or building a complex puzzle with

no instructions, and that feeling of overwhelmed by the process and the

fear you'll do it wrong is common.

But remember, budgeting is simple.

It's simply telling your money.

You go here, you go there.

It's an act of intentional stewardship.

So I want to tie the Bible into this, Craig, because I found this verse in the

book of Proverbs, chapter 16 verse nine.

It reminds us this in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord

establishes their steps and see, your budget is your plan, but you still have

to trust God to help you guide your steps as you work that plan and remember.

Budget isn't some rigid control.

I think I used it on the, on the show before.

It's not like Moses coming down with the 10 Commandments on stone tablets.

It's about trying to bring order into your, into what may feel like chaos

and start to tell your resources where they, where they need to go.

Craig, what are your thoughts on this one?

Well, my first thought was a lot of people don't pay much attention

to the 10 Commandments either, so.

Well, that's fair.

Yeah.

So I I, I'm, I'm gonna turn Professory on you now.

Let's do it.

Thanks.

Since I've

been Craig, now I'm gonna do Professor Craig.

I

like

it.

So, so plans in general can help reduce uncertainty, and uncertainty

is often a cause of anxiety.

There's a direct relationship between having a plan and reducing anxiety,

and then there's a pretty well established psychological theory

called self-determination theory.

This goes way back, it's really well established, and it says

that our wellbeing is largely made up of three things, autonomy,

competence, and relatedness.

So do we have freedom?

Do we feel like we, we have the ability to do what we need to be doing?

Competence, and then are we connected to others?

Well, having a budget ticks two of those boxes.

If you can establish a budget, it's actually an exercise of autonomy.

I'm deciding where this dollar goes to work and I'm deciding

where this dollar goes to work.

And it also gives you some, you're building towards even greater freedom

as you get your financial house in order, but it also gives you a sense of

control, which increases your competence.

So you, you mentioned, you know, I, well, what I don't, I don't know all this stuff.

If you're not good at something, learn well.

If you're not good at something and you start doing something about

it that's gonna bump up your comp, competence feelings, and, and you're

gonna be better off, you're gonna feel better about yourself in general.

And so that idea of taking control, that exercise of autonomy and then

that increased feeling of competence is just gonna pay huge dividends for your

wellbeing beyond the financial dividends.

Yeah.

And while you're talking about your professor hat, I mean, you see this with

your students all the time, I'm sure.

Right?

You come in, a new student comes in, they don't have any concept of what you're

gonna be teaching them, right, Craig?

And they've gotta, they've gotta accept the fact that, now, correct

me if I'm wrong, but you generally work with, uh, doctoral students and,

and higher level students, correct.

Often,

right?

Yeah.

So, but, but even that, that level, right?

They still don't have all the competency to do it.

But what you're basically saying, and I concur with you a hundred percent, is

that each little piece that they add to it helps to build that momentum and then

it, it, it kind of reinforces itself and we can apply that same thing to a budget.

Start with a simple snapshot.

Here's what's coming in the door.

Here's what's going out.

You don't have to have a degree in rocket science to figure

out what that looks like.

What is your paycheck?

How much is your direct deposit?

Guess what?

You just started a budget.

Here's your income.

Here's what comes in the door.

Then go get your bank account.

Go get your credit card and list out what goes out the door.

Again, this isn't complicated, but see, I don't think that's really

what's going on here, Craig.

I don't think it's the fear of being able to do it.

I think you alluded to the bigger fear, and that is restriction and,

and we've kind of talked about this, so how do you get past that feeling?

Because I think a lot of people make excuses, well, I'm never gonna budget

because I don't know how to do it.

It's complicated.

I'm not an accountant, I'm never been good with numbers.

But really what we're saying is they don't wanna live under restriction,

which, here's the problem with that.

The fact that they're not living under restriction is causing them stress,

it's causing them heartache, it's causing them all kinds of physical, all

kinds of emotional and mental issues.

So, Craig, how do we get past that point?

I, I think I would recast restriction as discipline.

I like that.

So restriction is, you cannot do this.

Discipline is, I'm choosing.

To do this or not do this.

I, I'm using my exercise and self-control to take actions that, that are gonna

make things better for me and my family.

Right.

And so I think, I think if we take away that idea of restrictions

and say, this is self-discipline.

I mean, I, I know you, you, we've talked about weight loss a lot on here.

Mm-hmm.

But, but that's kind of how it is with weight loss.

Right.

You know, I, I'm on a restrictive diet.

No, you're on a disciplined diet.

Right.

And, and that means it's coming.

There's a big, big thing here.

Big piece of this discipline comes from within that kind of self-discipline.

It's right there in the name.

Self-discipline.

It comes from within.

Restrictions come from outside.

And so I think that's another step in this idea of autonomy and

taking control as I'm choosing.

To be disciplined in these matters.

I, I think that reframing makes a huge difference.

Yeah, I agree with you and, and one of the things I noted here to, to

talk about with this question was, you know, prioritize the non-negotiables.

You know, there are things that you have to put in your budget, you

gotta pay for, listen, if you wanna have a place to live, if you wanna

have a, a, a roof over your head.

You know, these are the pillars of your financial house.

Now, you can still allocate some discretionary spending

because you've gotta do that.

If you think you're gonna live under this rigid set.

Now, you may need to do it for a while, but at some point you've gotta

open the doors and say, look, I need to have some discretionary spending.

I think, what's the old adage?

Uh, no, no fun makes JAI remember the whole thing, but you know,

it makes somebody boring.

I can't remember the term.

I lost my mind.

All, all,

all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Exactly, exactly.

So one of the cool things you mentioned there, and I like

that it's it's discipline.

The discipline allows, and that's the thing that people don't get is like start

with a little discipline at the front end and you open the door up to this

huge amount of, you know, uh, ability to allocate discretionary spending.

See if you start to control what you can control and you start to

live under that discipline, then you're gonna open up the door to more

discretionary spending, which is gonna give you more ability down the road.

It's just true.

Well, and there's a huge additional benefit here.

So Aristotle teaches that we are what we repeatedly do.

And if you can start to build discipline in one area of your life, in this case

financial, then you're gonna be more disciplined in other areas of your life.

And then eventually you will be the kind of person who just is disciplined.

And all discipline is, is the ability to control your actions.

That's all it is.

And so you're gonna be a person that has control over what you do and.

But it's not just financial.

It's, and you'll find out, oh, okay, I can do this in, in this area of

my life, and then I can do it in this area of my life, and then I

can do it in this other area of my

life,

and your life will just be much richer.

I agree with you and, and one of the other things that, one of the

things that I, I can encourage you to do is do what I call zero based

budgeting, which basically means that every single dollar has a job.

You know, if you think about it at news terms, the job for this

dollar is to pay my mortgage.

The job for this dollar is to pay our insurance.

The job for this dollar, you get the idea.

And remember, uh, one of the things I like what you said is it's, it's

intentionality, it's not deprivation.

And again, I wanna go back to something I said at the beginning.

It's a practice.

It's not perfection.

You're gonna go through iterations of this.

You know, this is, I remember I had a class in, in, um, I'll

tell you a funny story, Craig.

I had this class in, in my undergraduate work at University of Delaware.

I did accounting work and I had this class I had to take called finite Math, right?

And this class was the most, I I, I don't know how I ever got through it

because honestly, I. The best, the best way I can explain this, the,

this guy was like the mad professor.

He would sit up and he had like 15 of these boards that would go up and down

and he would do these tableaus, right?

And he would go on this like 30 minute tableau.

He would get to the end and he'd sit down and go, ah, I messed that one up again.

And, and, and so like, so I'm saying here, here's the professor, right?

Here's the, I don't know what the right term is, the tenured professor.

He made mistakes right in front of his 400, there'd be 400 people in this class.

Most of us were half asleep.

I'll never forget Craig, funny little aside, first day of class, he says, here's

the thing you all need to understand.

He says, no one will pass any of my tests.

And I'm thinking, wow.

Like that is a gutsy thing.

He says, but with the curve, some of you will get an A. And

I was like, well, okay, great.

So I take the first exam, Craig, I think I got like a 40.

And I'm like, and I'm one of these overachievers and like it said something

like 40 equals, and B, I'm like.

Cool.

I gotta be at a 40.

And I'm thinking, boy, I, I beat the curve on that one.

But my whole point of that was, here's a guy that understands it,

but he was practicing, he was going through these tableaus and, and

maybe he made a mistake somewhere.

I honestly, I passed the class, but I still couldn't tell you

what finite math was all about.

Man, it was a mess.

But then you gotta understand, getting back to the question,

your budget is a draft.

It's not a decree.

And you have to understand that it's a draft, it's a starting point.

It's practice.

So, Craig, any other thoughts before we move on to our next question?

No, just, just, you know, stick with it.

It'll get easier so Jessica, it'll get easier.

Yeah, I agree.

Jessica, thank you for sharing.

Your question reminds us that even with good intentions, and I, and I

think Jessica has good intentions here.

The practical steps can be daunting.

Well, let's move on to our fourth question, and this one comes to us from

David and it brings us a crucial point about sustainability in his journey.

And he says this, he says, I started tracking my spending, like you said,

in why should I track my spending?

Isn't it depressing?

I thought that was a good name for a show, and then I reviewed

it and my spending data is ready.

Now what do I do?

See, I tied 'em together, Craig, and he said, honestly.

Seeing how much I spent on things I didn't even realize was pretty discouraging.

Now I just feel bad about my spending.

How do I keep tracking and reviewing without feeling so discouraged or guilty?

And David, here's the thing, you're doing the right things because that feeling is

exactly the struggle that we anticipated when we talked about doing that tracking.

That's the whole point for doing it.

It can feel incredibly discouraging when the data reveals habits you didn't realize

you had, but that's why we're doing it.

Or maybe when you compare your actual spending to your budget, maybe

you took that step and you did the budget, and then you see this big gap.

You know, it's kinda like hoarding a mirror and seeing

something you weren't ready for.

I see that every time I look in the mirror.

But remember, tracking and reviewing aren't about judgment or shame.

They're about being aware.

They're about awareness.

Those tools that I talked about are for insight and understanding.

So we talked about in my spending, data is ready.

What do I do with it?

Think of it as gathering intelligence for good stewardship, and I brought

this biblical reference in here.

It comes from the book of Luke, chapter 16, verse 10 Reminds us this,

whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.

Whoever's dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

And see, tracking is being faithful in observing where your money is going.

Even the little amounts.

Craig, what are your thoughts here?

Well, it, it goes back to that idea of looking backwards rather than

forwards than, so what he's basically saying is he looks back on the

spending that's happened in the past.

And he has these negative emotions about it and, and regret is kind of

like shame, but a little bit different.

So that's the way I'm hearing it, is he's regretting his past actions.

Regret can be a wasteful emotion.

In fact, it is a wasteful emotion unless it leads to positive action.

That's

the key.

Craig, you just nailed it.

That's the key.

Yep.

In itself is useless.

That.

That's right.

And so if regret is a trigger for you to say, Hmm, that didn't feel so

great, looking back on how I wasted that money, I wanna figure out ways to

keep me from doing that in the future.

And you know, we've talked about a bunch of these, leaving something

in your shopping cart for 24 hours, asking whether or not you're really

gonna get any satisfaction out of this thing you're gonna buy.

You know, we've talked about.

A bunch of those kinds of, of little mental tricks.

But I, I think that's the big thing.

Take that regret and turn it into positive action and then that little

bit of negative emotion isn't wasted.

Plus you're kind of very subtly replacing it with a positive emotion because we

feel a little bit of, uh, you know, pride gets a bad rap, but we feel a little bit

of pride in taking that positive step.

And so we really kind of flipped the, the emotional coin over from

the negative emotion of regret to the positive emotion of, of reasonable pride.

Yeah.

And I think it's okay to have pride in doing things the right way, you know?

And the thing I was gonna say, David, is acknowledge what you've done,

acknowledge the situation, then pivot.

That's the whole point.

Acknowledge it, pivot and, and collect the data, not damnation.

So many people look at that and they go, well, I'm damned I can't get anywhere.

You know, this is what I see.

But see the data points for improvement, not as character

flaws like Craig just said.

If you see this as just character flaws, you're never gonna move forward.

And remember, the big takeaway is the why.

That's the thing you need to focus on right now.

Why are you doing this?

Why?

Because you have David.

Your intention is you want to do things better.

If you understand it, yes, I'm going to find stuff that I wasn't expecting.

That's the whole point.

If you weren't tracking it, guess what?

You would've never figured this out.

You'd have your head buried in the sand.

So remember your why, and then focus on small adjustments.

So many people say, oh, you know, I've had so many people come in

Craig, and they'll say, Ralph, you know, I did that for 30 days and man,

I, I, I'm doing everything wrong.

And I said, okay, good.

Now we can, now we can work with that.

There's something we can do with that.

But I, the next thing I say to him kind of surprises him.

I'm almost like I, let's pick one thing for the next week.

Focus on one thing.

We've talked about these things.

Craig, pack your lunch.

You know, uh, put that pause on before you buy stuff.

But tiny levers, these little things that we can change have a huge impact.

I think it's so easy to get stuck in the date and so, oh well the

budget said I didn't do this and I overspent in this area, Ralph, and

we ordered out takeout every night.

But, but, but then they don't think about, yeah, but then I just found out

my wife was sick or the kids were sick, or, you know, life happens and I think we

get so hung up on this rigid set of like expectations that we don't acknowledge

the fact that we are flawed people.

If you don't hear anything else I say today, acknowledge the fact

that we are all flawed people.

But see that's the beauty of being human is in our flaws.

That's where humanity starts.

And I think I got a little bit, uh, a little deep there, but it's true.

That's where's so focus on small things.

And the other side of this, and so many people don't get

this, celebrate small wins.

Celebrate small things like, and even if it's, oh, I didn't

buy something, that's a win.

You know, go back and look at your cart.

I'm I, I'll get to you.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you, but No, go ahead.

Go ahead.

That's a win.

And if you go back and look at that cart that you paused for 48 hours,

go look at your Am I'm picking on Amazon, but go look at your Amazon

cart and look at all the wins.

Those are the things you didn't buy.

But Craig, you had a, you had a thought.

Well, there, there's a thing called a virtuous cycle.

Where the one good act makes you feel good, and that leads to

another good act, which makes you feel good and so on and so forth.

And I think what, what people will find is if they get over that initial

little bit of guilt or regret or whatever emotion we wanna call it,

and they say, oh, you know what?

I could cut back here.

Then they do that for a week.

That feels good and it almost turns into this kind of a game where, let me

find something else I can cut back on.

Let me find something else I can cut back on.

And it, it really does have this self-reinforcing cycle that

can be really quite positive.

Oh, it's very positive.

You gotta get started.

You gotta get started.

I'm,

I'm going through that right now with my weight loss, Craig.

Like, it's kind of fun.

Like I'm at the point now where I had to go buy belts.

I haven't bought belts in years.

I'm buying clothes and my wife is like.

Yeah, you gotta buy some clothes.

So I, I was on Facebook, right?

And I wear like, old man jeans, I guess is the best way to say it, you know,

with the pleats and all that, because I'm, I've been a big guy my entire life.

Well, so I, I, I said, well, these things are so big now.

Like I, I'm, I'm having to like, tuck the sides of the pants in on the sides

and the belts like, and so I said, well, I'm gonna go buy some jeans, right?

So I went and I went online, found some jeans.

That was a mistake.

First of all, don't shop for clothes online if you don't

know really what your size is.

So I said, well, I'm wearing this size right now and it's too big.

I'll order one size down.

Well, the coolest thing, Craig, the jeans came last night.

My dog didn't freak out because it didn't come in a bag.

They come in a bag instead of a box.

So Piper was fine.

So I'm after dinner, I'm standing there at the, at the kitchen

counter and I said, oh, cool.

My jeans are here.

And I had been making fun.

I said to my wife, I ordered skinny jeans, and she looks over at me.

She goes, she goes, Ralph, you're not skinny.

I said, no, God didn't make me skinny.

But anyway, so I pull these jeans out and I'm all excited these, I open 'em up

and I said, I'm gonna go try these on.

I went to try 'em on Craig, and they're huge on me and I'm

thinking, oh, this is awesome.

I'm liking this.

Yep.

Because that's a return

you wanna do.

Oh

yeah, man.

I was like, and I said to her, I said, are you going to the store?

She goes, yeah.

I said, oh, great.

I want you to return these and I'm gonna order two sizes smaller.

She's like, do you really think it's, I said, yeah, that's what I wanna do.

But what I learned from that, and it's the same thing with your finances.

Don't stop.

Don't stop.

Learn the lessons and go on.

Because listen, it's that pain of awareness.

It's just that first step.

But once you take that step, you get to that point of healing and

you get to that point of freedom.

And listen to us, Craig and I have both been here.

We're speaking from experience.

You will get to a point of freedom.

It's not easy at first.

You're doing something that's hard.

Managing your money is hard.

I, I, I joke and say it's not rocket science, but it's hard.

It's hard to get to, to restrain yourself.

It's hard to restrict yourself.

It's hard to be, you know, disciplined.

Those things are hard.

So don't beat yourself up, but keep moving forward.

So David, I just wanna thank you.

That was a great question.

It gave, gave it Craig and I, a good opportunity to really talk about it.

And so keep pressing forward because you're gaining valuable knowledge.

Well, Craig, let's move on to question number five.

And this one comes to us from Gracie.

Gracie's, uh, question touches on a, on the mountain idea of

you're trying to climb about debt.

So it says this, she says, I've acknowledged my money, stress, and

looked at my snapshot, but my debt is so huge, it feels impossible to even start.

How do I tackle this mountain without getting completely crushed?

And you know, when I got this question, Craig, I started thinking, I can see

Gracie standing at this big mountain.

And we get to the prayer.

I've got a cool, uh, slide here for the mountain, but I get it.

Like, and you're looking at this thing, you've listed out your debts, so you've

taken the hard work, you've said, okay.

'cause one of the things I said in the show, Craig, is I want

you to list all your debts.

You know, be honest, here's what I owe.

Here's the amount, here's how, what the interest rate is.

Here's the monthly payment.

But once you do that, then you're gonna stand back and you go,

wow, there's a mountain here.

I get it.

It's a heavy burden to carry.

It's not easy, and it's easy to look at that mountain of debt

and feel like, you know what?

I can't do it.

It's insurmountable.

I'll never get over it.

But I wanted to go to scripture and Jesus said this in the book of

Matthew, chapter 17, verse 20, it says This, truly, I tell you, if you

have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move

from here to there and it will move.

Nothing will be impossible for you.

So I really thought that that was a good way to start answering your

question, Gracie, because our faith isn't just for spiritual matters.

A lot of people think faith, oh, you know, if I'm sick or something's going on.

You know, it's not just for spiritual matters.

It applies to every area of our lives, including our finances.

God gives us strength for all things.

The book of Philippians, chapter four, th uh, four, chapter four verse 13,

reminds us I can do all things who cr through Christ who strengthens me.

So start with that, Gracie.

Yes.

It's a mountain.

Yes.

It's going to be hard.

Yes.

You've gotten yourself into a position where you've got a mountain

to climb, but you can get past this.

There is, there is a way to get past the mountain.

Craig, what are you thinking here?

Well, um, there's an old saying in the running community,

um, I think I've used this before.

How do you run a marathon?

One step at a time.

Amen.

You

know, it's 26.2 miles of one step after another.

Um, and, and, and that's what you need to focus on, is it's, look, I'm, I'm

gonna take one step, and there's an interesting thing about that one step.

You're closer to your goal than you were before you took that step.

So you just need to think about it.

Go back to that small wins.

What's one thing I can do?

I'm gonna do that thing, and then I'm gonna do the next thing, and

then I'm gonna do the next thing.

And, and that's how you solve these sorts of problems.

And, and one, something that you've said before is focus on

your progress, not perfection.

And so when you have that win, you have a little mental celebration.

You know, every time you reduce that debt a little bit more, or you retire

a debt or you, whatever it is, have a little mental celebration of it

and it'll be a, a reinforcement.

Positive reinforcement to keep that sort of behavior going.

But look, it, it, most, most of us who have been in debt, we

didn't get that way overnight.

You know, it, it took a while and it's gonna take a while to

unwind it, but stop digging.

I'm gonna mix metaphors here.

So, we had the mountain going high.

You've got dug yourself into debt.

First thing to do is stop digging and then start climbing out of it.

Yeah.

And one step at a time.

You're right.

And Gracie, your beginning step might be not adding any more debt.

That's a step.

That is a step.

That's a foothold.

And then pray for wisdom.

Pray for strategy.

Create a mini plan for just one debt.

Maybe you say, look, Ralph, I got this one credit card I owe a thousand dollars on.

I can focus on that.

I can take $10 a week and send it to the credit card company to pay that down.

I'm hoping the interest rate isn't enough to eat that up, but I'm

being, I'm being positive here.

But the fact that you're not digging, the fact that you're not adding

to that, the fact that you're not still, you're not in the dark.

You know what you've got.

That's huge.

You've put together, even if it's a mini plan of, look, I've got an

extra a hundred dollars a month.

Here's my debt extinguishment fund.

That's huge.

And celebrate that progress.

The small victories, because those small victories, you know, one of the things

they talk about with debt reduction, and I talked about this on the show,

the debt avalanche, the debt snowball.

Both of those metaphors are one thing, and that is a step and a step and a step.

You gotta focus on the small victories because you're right.

If you think that you're gonna, Craig said it very eloquently said, you

didn't get into this position overnight.

You're not gonna get out of it overnight.

And so many people have that mentality like they're gonna go play the

lottery and then next thing you know, they're not gonna have any debts.

And guess what?

That doesn't usually happen.

So you're going to have to invest.

You took a lot of time to invest in creating the debt.

You're gonna have to take as much time investing to extinguish it, but there

is light at the end of the tunnel.

And think about what Jesus said.

If you have the faith of a mustard seed now, and I look this up,

a mustard seed is minuscule.

And Jesus used that intentionally, I think.

'cause what he was saying is, faith can move mountains.

I know that's a cliche thing to say.

Just have that little bit of faith because I don't know about you, Craig,

but I have had experiences in my life when I just put faith at, I've tested

faith, basically a better way to say it.

And man, it just happened.

It doesn't mean I didn't have to put work into it.

Like, and I don't wanna, I don't want people to get disillusioned if they

think that, oh, Ralph said today on the show that I list all my debts and I pray

about it, and they go magically away.

Nope, Ralph didn't say that.

What Ralph did say is like Craig said, if you're gonna run that, was it 26.2

for, or whatever that for a marathon.

I remember I ran a 5K and like fat man went up running a 5K and it started with

the first step and yeah, it took me 45 minutes to run a 5K, but guess what?

I finished, dude, it could have taken me three hours.

I didn't care because I was walking, I was, I was struggling

along, but I was going to finish.

You've gotta think about it the same way.

Craig, what are your thoughts?

Anything else you want to add to that?

Yeah, I, I, I would also add that, uh, faith without, without

action usually is not very effective.

And so, you know, faith is a funny thing.

It's a very funny thing, but I think take action.

Don't rely, just, you've heard the joke about the, I think I told it on here about

the guy who fell off the cliff and God sent him a, a rope and, you know, and, and

so, you know, God will give you the tools, but you need to do your part as well.

You gotta take action.

So, Gracie, that's what Craig and I say, thank you for your vulnerability, Gracie.

But taking that first step on the mountain is often the hardest.

Well, Craig, let's get to our final question for today.

And this one comes to us from Daniel.

Daniel perfectly encapsulates a challenge many of us face after that

Iner initial burst of motivation.

That's what he said.

He says, Ralph, I get so motivated after listening to the show, but

then life happens and I fall off the budgeting tracking wagon.

How do I stay consistent and not feel like a failure every time I miss a step?

Well, Daniel, here's my answer for that.

Your question hits home for so many of us, including me.

Listen.

I fall off the wagon, I've I missteps.

That initial motivation is powerful, but that's not the key to the whole thing.

The key to the whole thing is maintaining that consistency when

life throws curve balls and it will.

I play men's, uh, church league softball and there's a few guys

that pitch that throw curve balls.

Now, if you're an old guy like me, you know, if you wait long enough, you can

whack a curve ball a long way, but you gotta have patience and it's not easy.

It is absolutely easy to feel like a failure when you stumble you.

I get it.

Been there, done that.

But remember the Christian life, much like our financial journey

is about perseverance and grace.

And I love what Philippians chapter three, verse 14 says.

It says, I press on towards the goal to win the prize, or which God has

called me heaven word in Christ Jesus.

And James chapter one, verses two and four minus that

perseverance produces character.

One of the things we've talked about a lot on the show today, it's not about

being perfect, it's about getting back up because you are going to stumble.

You are going to make mistakes, and you're going to fail if you don't hear again.

I've said this a couple times today, hear me on this.

It's not about being perfect, it's about getting back up.

Craig, what do you think?

Yeah, when you fall off a horse, you get back on.

If you wanna get anywhere.

So get get back on the horse, get back on the wagon.

It happens.

Forgive yourself, give, give yourself a little self grace.

Um, I think it's a huge part of it.

The other thing that I would highly encourage Daniel to do when he does,

excuse me, fall off the wagon, is to do a little bit of analysis about why.

Did he let down his guard?

Did he ignore his budget?

Did he, you know, was he trying to do some retail therapy?

What was it?

Did, did he make the mistake of going to Harbor Freight on a Saturday

instead of coming straight home?

You know, what, what, what was it that caused that slip?

And then try not to do that again.

Absolutely.

And I think that's a big part of it.

So you're, you're talking about Harbor Freight and the mind.

My vision comes to mind.

Like I didn't realize when I first started going to Harbor Freight

that those five gallon buckets are not intended to be shopping carts.

Because I had this mentality whenever I went to, to Harbor Freight, and

if anybody's never been there, they sell Harbor Freight red buckets.

It's a five gallon bucket, and for me it's always, okay.

Your goal today, if you choose to accept it, is to fill this bucket

by the time you leave the store.

Obviously, not always the best thing to do, but Craig, you nailed it.

Self-compassion, not self-condemnation, and the bigger

one, review why you fell off.

Identify your triggers.

That's the key.

Once you figure out what triggers you, then do less of those things.

Right.

You know, and find an accountability partner, but get

back on the wagon immediately.

Don't wait.

You know, one of the things I think Craig, a lot of people do is they'll say, you

know, starting Monday I'm gonna do it.

I've done this on my diet so many times.

You know, it's Tuesday and I've fallen off, I've eaten something.

Ah, well, it's Tuesday afternoon.

Well, you know, Monday's coming.

Yeah.

But then the problem is I just did crazy stuff for six days straight.

Right.

The key is to get back on it right away.

If you make a mistake, you bought something, first of all, answer yourself.

Can you take it back?

You know, can you take back that impulse purchase?

It might not be comfortable.

Maybe you gotta do that, you know, maybe you gotta take it back.

I remember we were shopping one time, my wife and I, and she'll probably be upset.

I told this story, but I'm gonna tell it anyway.

Um, my wife is really, she really wanted one of those really fancy

purses, and I'm not gonna tell you what it costs, but we went to the

store, she really wanted this purse and I said, well, go buy for yourself.

You know, you work hard, that sort of thing.

She bought this purse, Craig, and we're walking around the mall and

the whole time she's thinking.

Do I really need this purse?

And before we left the mall, she had returned that purse.

Good for her.

And so, yeah, and, and like I said, we had the money to pay for it.

It wasn't like we were not going to be able to eat that day.

But see, that's the thing you can do.

So now if she had just said, you know what, I bought the purse.

I'm just gonna take it home.

And you know, no.

Change the dynamic right then because consistency is built on continuous

recommitment, not unbroken perfection.

Right.

You know, and, and that's really the key to it, is, you know, and don't

wait till the next interval, you know, oh, my next paycheck I'm gonna

save, or my next this or my next step.

Because first of all, you might not get that next opportunity, and

secondarily, you're breaking the momentum.

So if you can change the momentum today, like I, and, and I know it's tough, get,

I get it, I've been there, done that.

You know, I didn't stay fat forever because I didn't make those decisions.

I made those decisions to make bad decisions.

I, I remember one time I, it's not my first time I lost weight.

I remember I was in college that,

that was very meta Ralph.

It was very meta.

The

decision decisions.

Yeah.

Very meta,

very, I liked it.

Well, I remember I was in college and a friend of mine, we were out

doing something and I used to love to stop at the convenience store and

get those little cherry pies, right.

That was like my little go-to thing.

And he said to me, and I used to buy these packs that had two

cherry pies and little square pies.

And there's a guy cared about me and he says, um.

He says, man, he says, you know, I know you're trying.

He says, but I want you to do something.

I'm like, okay.

He says, you wanna get those pies, don't you?

I said, yep.

He says, here's what I want you to do.

I want you to eat one, and I want you to run the other one over with your car.

And I said, well, that's an interesting thought.

So I went in, I got my pie, I got that little fix of pie, but then I already did.

I put the other one under my tire and I ran it over, and it might seem silly,

but I was drawing a line in the sand.

Yeah, I didn't eat both of the pies.

I only ate one.

Well, that's, that's improvement.

Yep.

You know, that's committing to that.

Now I haven't eaten one of those pies again after that night, so like,

but that was my line in the sand.

So again, it might sound like a silly analogy, but start

with what you can control.

Do it now.

Don't wait till the next cycle because you're gonna find that you're

not going to do it if you keep on putting it off and putting it off.

Craig, what do you think?

Oh, you, you're exactly right.

Uh, we're great at rationalizing actions and inactions and so you know that I'll

go back to the idea of self-discipline.

You know, just practice a little self-discipline and every time you

do, it'll get a little bit easier the next time and the next time.

And the next time.

Yeah, that's right.

And you may have to do it midstream like I did with the pie.

You know?

I said, you know what, um, I got one pie in my mouth and the

other one's going under the tire, which seems silly, but mentally.

I remembered that, Hey, whatever works.

Yeah, yeah.

Whatever works.

Well, let's pray together.

How about we do that?

Let's pray together as we wrap up this powerful discussion.

Father God, thank you for the opportunity to reflect on these profound questions.

And Lord, the steps that we've taken this week, and we confess it,

facing our financial reality, the stress, the numbers, the habits,

they truly can bring challenges and sometimes deep discouragement.

And Lord, we just thank you for your grace to face these things without shame,

knowing that you see us, that you'd love us and that you are with us always.

Grant us continue courage to look honestly at our finances.

And Lord, give us wisdom to use tools like snapshots and budgets and tracking

for your glory and help us to learn from our spending patterns and to trust in

your guidance every step of the way.

Lord, I just asked that you would bless the listeners who sent in questions and

bless everyone who is diligently working towards financial confidence, and we

ask this in confidence in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Wow, Craig.

These listener questions really brought to life the journey we're on from

facing stress and isolation to getting a clear picture and, uh, starting with

a budget and track and tracking debt and saving for cons, uh, consistency.

And you know, at the end of the day, these are really foundational steps on the

journey to becoming what I've renamed the show a, a financially confident Christian.

So I just wanna say thank you for your questions and, and,

and, you know, thank you.

We were able to dig in deeper and address the, the heart

of these financial struggles.

And if you're having questions like this, we continue these series.

You join us live every week.

We do a daily, I do a daily show every day.

You can send in your questions to our website that's at.

Financially confident christian.com.

And I do have a little giveaway for everybody.

Right now, if you want a free copy of my book, you can get a copy of

my book by going to financially confident christian.com/master.

It's just 47 pages, but it'll help you get started on that, that journey

to really improve your finances.

I think you'll really find it worthy and you can get that absolutely

free by going to financially confident christian.com/master.

So Craig, I just want to thank you for joining me.

I really do appreciate it.

We missed you last week, but we're happy to have you back this week.

good to see

everybody

and let's all go out there and be what we called ourselves to be

financially confident Christians, I encourage you to stay financially savvy.

God bless you and you have a great day today.