Welcome to this week's episode. This week we're talking all things turning 30. So partying hard and then waking up and parenting even harder. The joys. So stay tuned and enjoy that.

You're old

And well, I mean, you were there before me, so

Yeah, you're as old as me now.

Yeah, no more twenties for us, The decade of coming a real proper grownups done in that. We are grown ups now.

and baby girls being Developing too. She now definitely reaches for things that she wants.

She reaches for things and people. She reaches for people now, which is nice.

Well, especially dogs.

like, she'll reach for me, and she'll reach for you, and she'll reach for Nana.

Yeah.

Um,

she loves, she loves heads.

yeah. She does love pets. And she give them wet, wet kisses.

Work, work, work, kisses.

Yeah. You can tell we're both really energetic today, and that's because we partied hard. Well, I definitely partied hard.

Yeah, I didn't party as hard, but I didn't have much energy because I was trying to stuff out from surprise. It's a problem when you let people stay over at your house, but it's a surprise. You then have to try and do everything.

know, because you were like, oh, do I need to sort the house, out? you were like, no. And I was like, I wish I'd sorted the house out now. It's really dirty for people.

Oh, I just thought to myself, no one's actually going to come during the day. And then, um, Oh, yeah, sorry.

No, don't be sorry. I don't think anyone actually cares. think it's just me being like, I mean, our bathroom was particularly disgusting. Yeah.

Yeah, but that was, like, done at the very end.

by accident. Yeah, and I'm

and I, That was a, that was a story in and of itself. So, uh, I for whatever reason am under dedicated hairdresser's watch just to save money until his hair to cut. And, um, the objective word. However, baby girl wasn't in the mood for having the, the stillness for, for, for silence.

Yeah, and um, so,

Yeah, and um, so I was trying to cut her hair while she was screaming at me, and we couldn't really do anything because I was in the middle of cutting hair,

my hair,

and you couldn't pick her up, she was going to get covered in hair. So, did a pretty shit job. yeah, well, I mean, I'm not happy with it. Also, your hair is dry, usually I do it wet, so it's a lot easier to Yeah, still not the same. But Yeah. Which is how frequently when we've got a baby?

a baby. It's Still about once a week.

Really? Oh, okay, because often you're like, oh, I finally

It's more like, it doesn't happen on the day I plan it. So like, it might be like, Friday I'm gonna wash it for the weekend. Because even though I don't do any, we don't like go partying on the weekends. So I just have fresh hair for the weekend. Um, or on a Sunday for the week. One of those days, and often it just doesn't happen. So I end up washing it is like a silly day to wash your hair. I don't know why, but it just does. Me, like, washing my hair because I do it once a week. It used to happen, like, for a reason. Like, it's the weekend, or the new week. Otherwise I'm like, why would I watch it on a Wednesday?

Fair enough. So, well let's see what's happened this week then. Uh, on Monday, did we do anything? Because I had the day, I had Monday and Tuesday off. With Tuesday being your

birthday. Tuesday

yes. house

do Tuesday then?

Yep, and then Tuesday being your birthday. What do we do on the Tuesday then? Um,

A dog walk, and when we had nice breakfast, you made me a lovely cake.

also recorded the podcast last Monday and we're recording it this Monday as well instead of the usual Sunday.

Because, you know, hanging that arse Not hanging, but Like, just fucking knackered. I can't deal with lack of sleep anymore. Like, people are always like, oh, baby's lack of sleep, but it's not actually that bad. Well, I say we've not been, She's not been that bad for us. I know babies can be really bad. She's generally alright, But, oh my god. going to bed, like, what time did I go to bed? Half three or something in the end? Oh, Bubba, what's up with you? Um, can't hack that anymore, like, I'm still fucking knackered today. Like, all of us are low energy today. You, me, Even the dog. Bubs has been, like, sleeping and feeding loads today, and she slept loads last night. We're all pretty pooped. So after this, I'm gonna make us a toad in the

energised.

Yeah. Um. But no, birthday was lovely, yeah. So we had a birthday, you made me the most, like, heavy cake in the world. Delicious.

that's what I did with most of mine. Oh yeah, and on Monday we went to go see my mum.

Yes. that's what we did.

we also didn't. So it was also Mother's Day. Mother's or the,

we mum's thing on the podcast last week, didn't we? So we're here, we had dinner with your mum, which is nice.

And then on Tuesday going to do a birthday and made you the very heavy cake.

It was lovely though, had my last piece today,

Yep. One week of cake.

yeah,

Uh, and then, else

we went to a Korean BBQ.

we went

did go to Rhyme Time. no it wasn't Rhyme Time, Sensory, Sensory,

St. Patrick's Day, nonetheless.

which was like, Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. There was a lot of potatoes. Yeah. Which seems a little bit stereotypical.

did, a lot of them does. She plays on stereotypes. Like the Mother's Day one that I went to, it was all about cleaning.

what she

She was like spit a tongue in cheek. I'm waiting for, I'm annoyed that I didn't get to go to the Chinese New Year one. That one would have been interesting.

going to be. It was always the same. Um, so that'd be fun. Wouldn't it, baby girl? Yeah. And yeah, we did a Korean barbecue. Went into town, then we did a Korean barbecue. which was nice. We had lots of grilled meats. Tried to give Bubba's a bit of broccoli. She wasn't, wasn't up for that. We kept passing her over a hot grill. We didn't drop her. Congrats

But she did like pineapple a lot. yeah, passing her over the grill wasn't really the safest Gotta learn, age of, age of five months, opportune time to learn that the grill's hot. Yeah,

think It's time to learn. It's been hot. some things can be saying, like,

and also That's a Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying why, like Yeah. The association, if you're trying to build safety in it, don't require the

cold tap I suppose,

Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Um, so yeah, that was nice,

And then Wednesday I was back to work, we didn't really do much. Thursday, did we do anything on Wednesday? I think we did, didn't

Wednesday.

a

No, I think they're just like, house baby stuff, and walks, normal, normal, day.

Thursday, you were at work.

I did actually, this will put up her, uh, little picture frames very neatly.

You did. Yeah, it was very impressive.

proud of

In a, in a, in a, almost Then, Friday, was my night with Baby Girl. then Saturday, Wednesday. was your birthday celebrations.

we did cleaning. During the day time.

and I went out to sort some final things for your birthday during the day as well. And then sunday was hungover and off to your niece's birthday.

Yeah so like, um, Two of my sisters and two of my closest friends stayed over after a night out. Um, so that was lovely. So we got to spend some time with them in the morning and like coffee and bits and pieces. Yeah, and then we went over to our nieces third party. Well not party, sort of a family gathering wasn't it? Yeah. That's obviously me and my two sisters are all a bit jaded, um, and then my sister's two kids, my nieces, are five and three, and they're high energy, and Dan is their playground. It's a climbing frame.

and I wasn't I wasn't like I hadn't been I hadn't gone out with you guys so it wasn't alcohol But it was just kind of tiredness. Um what else? Anything, anything to discuss, I guess? Well, we don't have any

Well, I guess, no, I guess it was, um, my first proper night out that proper my out really, like we went out last weekend for errands, which was. which was lovely, but I didn't actually drink that much. The end to leave early 'cause of my boobs. Whereas this one was like,

I mean, we'll claim it was because of your boobs and not because of me finding it all too overwhelming, but. But sure.

Um, but yeah, So this was first proper, like, go for drinks, dancing. Getting pretty drunk, so that's when my threshold was really low. It was. low anyway, um, because I didn't massively drink, but then having not really drunk properly in probably about, what, 18 months? It was very, very low and everyone was like, yeah, you, you were really drunk really quickly and I was like. what were

Reading was

I had like a few nibbly bits it weren't that nice, so not masses. I don't think a few nachos with a cracker is gonna do much. But, you know, I felt fine the next day. Well, I got a little bit of a headache, but that went off after about 15 minutes. Then I just had a random sore throat was tired. Um, it was good fun. Great night. Reading is a crackin night out, guys. Went to Pot World, if anyone's in the local area, top recommendation, Pot World for a cheese and it out. It's not classy, it's not classy and it out, but no one wants that. I don't want a trendy, like, painfully cool, bar. I want people having a fun. time,

We went to

that's what it was. We went to Spoons as well, and they had no ice, so we had very lukewarm drinks, that was

very odd though, not having

And nothing for tequila. It's like, no like, limes or lemons or

No salt?

There was sachets of salt? on the table we could have ourselves to but You don't? want salt on tequila without the lime. That's just grim. Just salty tequila.

Salted. Salted

you know, cheap tequila. bracing. Yeah, it's funny. Um, lots of doubts in the script. Unbeknownst to me, my siblings and friends seem to have taken lots of pictures and videos of me. Um, where I look great. Absolutely great. Including me and my friend, you know, grinding on a wall. trying to impress someone so they'd buy us free drinks. Um, you know, not seriously. Um, And it made me realise, oh yeah, we are thirsty now.

Yeah,

Yep.

yeah

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. good times around and then today's, yeah, it's a very slow day today, isn't it?

So what I didn't tell

on

the Saturday, you know when I was going out when I went out with baby girl So you could just continue like some of the house out and stuff like that.

Yeah.

Um, I was just kind of walking around the street for She was holding my hands because she was facing forwards. And so it was kind of like doing little dance moves as we walked around, like moving her hands as I stepped. And I got very weirdly heckled. I think it was meaning me. But there's a bloke who just continued walking straight past. It didn't really make any eye contact with me or anything. But, as he went past me, he looked like he'd be a drunkard. But as he went past me, he said, Your missus is shaggin other blokes. Didn't, didn't look at me at all, just kept going.

just kept going. Right, right. How do you assume that?

can only assume that. But it was, it was very odd, because it wasn't even like,

even like Also, it's like very ironic to

But also, it's like very ironic to call somebody a pussy but say it really quietly and not even look at them at the same time because that's what I would assume he means when he says that. Unless maybe he just can't, maybe he's got some form of Tourette's where he just can't hold in what he thinks and that's what he thought and he's like fuck, don't look at it, So yeah, it's quite an Interesting, interesting echo and I just kind of was like, okay, that'll

Hang on. We sleep sleep with someone

it.

Um, I'll actually to shave with someone else. I think it was my birthday, Yeah, it's a birthday. We were waiting for you outside Primark, because me and Bubz went into town for a little bit while you were doing some editing before we went for Korean BBQ.

Oh yeah, yeah,

yeah. Um, we were just sat there, us was just having a look around. And this woman who was just very clearly off her fucking I think was off her tits quite a lot. Had very few teeth. Um, very dishevelled. was talking to me and I sort of had her sort of and was like, sorry, Um, and she's going, oh, that's a really cute, cute baby boy. I was like, I can't look to correct it. I was like, yeah, Um, I'd sort of pulled out this really manky, ugly toy. I was like, oh, this is, This is my kid. And I was like, oh, that's nice. And she's like, I don't see I was like, oh, sorry. And then before I could stop her, she was like, can I kiss him and just let in and kiss Ola? and I was like, Oh,

ahhh. And

would have said no. Um, I don't really mind people touching I'm not, I'm not someone, as you know, I'm not like, germy, like anti germy, but I am germy probably myself, But. I'm not anti germs, but I don't want a stranger kissing her.

it's not just a stranger kissing her, it's somebody that looks like they don't take care of themselves or hasn't washed in a very long period of time,

But, you know. Um,

um, and then the other thing was walking back for her, having all the gear. was an awkward one. Because it's also, it's like, night? Yeah so, if anyone doesn't know, you get kicked out of drinking establishments if you have any children under 18 with you at about 9pm. Now this is just blanket under 18, they don't look at a baby and go, well they're not And so I got kicked out on 9, at 9, but it was also like, the Super Saturday, and St. Patrick's So loads of like drunk guys all sort of bundling around all over the place. So you get lots of sort of aggressive flash looks like people looking at staring at you at the corner of your eye. And usually I don't really care about it. I'm usually quite oblivious to it, and I just walk along in my own world. Um, but I'm obviously a lot more Defensive when I know that I've got her on me,

have her

especially because I had to have her covered up because it was Because her head was just flying all over the place because

that I

no one could tell that I had a baby. I just looked real weird fat was worried that somebody was just

going to

that he was gonna fight me for no reason and then next time over baby Zoe gets instead of myself And so that was an

I'm just fine.

Yeah, usually I'm just like Just obliviously like if, I don't rise to it, no one's just gonna punch me randomly.

of everything when you've got your child with you. Like, I definitely am. When I'm walking down the street, I'm like, oh, that's, that's a

Did I tell you about the um, the little racist altercation

way

So I'm on my way home, and I see another classic Oxford Road Reading drunkard. Coming along. She's one of the, she's like a woman in her sort of late 50s, early 60s Traveling with walking along with this of tall on

are we just done with, are we done

Sorry, so I was saying, on my way back, yeah, there was this, uh, this drunken lady in her late fifties, early sixties or whatever. Um, and one of these kind of, silent types in tow. Very, um, downtrodden looking bloke and a very overly mouthy looking woman. Um, and just as we're passing One of the like, uh, Indian or Turkish international shops. It was the Indian one, just at the, um,

The little fruit and veg?

yeah, all the fruit and veg. For whatever reason, everyone walks really slowly on that one stretch. And they take up loads of the

the pavement.

And, And, They take up loads of the pavement with, like, the fruit and veg as well. Now, I'm not really that bothered. It annoys me slightly, slowly, and I kind of,

So she,

yeah, I just go around. However, she was not in the mood for going around, so she, she just shouted, FUCK! Get the fuck out my way, or something, as she was going through. And then she realized that one of the people standing outside of the shop was this, uh, young family. Um. and then she, and then she Was about to apologize for swearing just as the mum looked around looked really agitated at her for swearing Oh, baby's got the mic. Baby's got the mic. There we go. Baby hijacking the podcast as per usual So she was about to apologize for swearing just as this woman got irate at her for swearing Well, not irate. Gave her a glare. That's daring. And then she, Yep, baby's, baby's wanting her moment again. Oh, she's chewing on the mic she's chewing She's chewing, on the

on the mic. Everything. Is it tipping her off?

yeah, put the tit in your mouth

Okay, I'll just hold on to the mic.

Or if you want you can just take it out of the holder and let she hold it.

Okay.

Um, and so gave her a glare. And then she obviously took massive umbrage at this glare, given that she was drunk.

Mmhmm.

And so they proceeded to have a She just, the other, the family, the lady there just kept taking the piss out of her and didn't really respond to her, just kept like, um, not verbally, but just kept mimicking her and doing all sorts of And so she just kept getting more and more angry. It was hilarious, because it was like watching a mime, versus a A really drunk, angry person, because they would just keep doing things like mimic, this one would just keep mimicking her in ways that were obviously about, And she would just get more and more irate because the woman wouldn't, she'd be like, what's that about? What are you doing? And she wouldn't explain herself. So she'd get more and more irate. And then eventually the woman started like, you know, giving her the middle finger or flipping her off or whatever.

What the mum was doing this or the drunk lady was doing this?

the mum was doing it,

Great example to their children.

so then this was, this was the point then, she was then like, I was going to say sorry for swearing to you, but you're now fucking swearing at me, You're a fucking disgrace, how can you be a mother, you fucking awful person, you shouldn't be allowed to have a child, do you know what, I don't know if you know this, but in England, we don't let mums do that, I'm going to call social service, they're going to take that kid away, I'm going to make sure of it. I'm going to call them now. And I was like, yep, because you got them on a hot, you got them on speed dial and they respond at 9, at 9pm on a Saturday night, social services. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be like, yes, this six year old drunk woman, she makes an ideal point. Yeah, 60.

Oh, I said six year old. The six year old drunk.

This six year old drunk woman, she's got a point. Let's send out fast response team, grab that kid. Um, and so she just burst into this racist tirade of, I don't know if you know this, but in England we don't do that. Don't know where you're from. And all this

God, that's never

And I was just like, yep, this is classic.

Um, so that was

Um, so that was entertaining. That was entertaining. I was considering just kind of walking in and being like, asking for directions or something to distract her. And then have her be, and then have her take me there, pretend that I'm really lost. But I was just like, again, I've got Zoe with me. Yeah, you're happy now. You're happy now. Oh, yeah, you get to look at screens as well. You're forbidden screen. Um, but yeah, so again, I was like, I won't bother because it's not worth

Also, there's something about you, as a personality, that does just like, escalate situations. Not

don't count things when I escalate things, do I? You

You don't often seem to, but you wouldn't, I mean, like, I think in real life, when it's actually, like, stuff, like, with people you know. and things, I think you can. But I think people don't know you. I think you can often escalate things. Because you're quite direct. You're a big person. so people are already on the sort of defensive often. Because they sort of see this big bloke coming at Um, And then because you're very like, forthright and like, straightforward, I think people will be like, people will find that a bit aggressive.

and all that.

what I'll do. the direction.

I've got so um

so baby's teething

Yeah, so baby's teething is is nearly at the first puncture so that's pretty good for we've got a lot of scat chat to discuss don't we So, anything else you want to discuss this week?

No?

No. Okay.

I think other than sort of like, you know, it was her birthday which doesn't really got much to do with her, and going out,

mean, you can discuss things that don't have anything

No, no, but I didn't, didn't do much else

So, on to the highs, lows, funnies, then.

Do you, do you have anything else you want to discuss?

No. No, I mean

Your eyes look very green today.

this light. darling. It's this light.

Hmm.

White light, because my eyes look yeah, highs,

Highs, Lows, Funnies. What do I have this week?

fucking around with the mic, as usual. Um.

Um. Well, I think highs has been like, it's just we've had a lot of like, nice time, together this week because you had that Monday Tuesday off.

an issue.

So it's just been nice having lots of family time together. Um, and because like, your work's starting to wind down, you've got more relaxed days as well, so we're getting a bit more time together just generally. Oh, good. Um, which was nice. Um, and then obviously we had a lovely time seeing everyone. I felt very supported by my friends and family and you.

point it. Good.

Yeah, it was really nice. I really enjoyed it. You know, I don't get to see all my people, other people, together very often, so that was lovely. Um, yeah, and obviously they're people that I, I love a lot.

high was my town excursion on Saturday night, other than, Saturday afternoon, other than being heckled. Yeah? Quite enjoyed just walking around the fair, stepping around, having a nice little stroll through town. It's quite nice and chilled, it's like, you know what, if we can do this throughout shared parental leave, it'll be quite

it's nice. isn't it? Unless she

Yeah, yeah. I was

I walk into town, For not much reason often just because it's quite nice.

pint down the next head quite regularly. Yeah, just half a

My daddy's gonna come in, you know, catch alcoholic

Alky. I was just drinking, I drink half a pint on my way into town, on my way back from town, everyday. And I walk into town, and I'm like, day, just to keep the baby

Just to catch five pints a day, you know, Yeah, no, it's I like walking around with her. It's just nice But she now now she's facing me. Outwards and she's like you can see she's looking and exploring and she looks at people and she's interested And obviously people react well to her because she's just, just cutie. We get people coming up to you.

I just get people going, oh my gosh, cute baby, or you can hear people like nudging other

oh, Yeah.

Or just telling you that your wife's shagging on the blokes.

Yeah? that classic as Well People don't tell me that. People don't go Your husband's clearly shagging another woman. my heart. Do you know your line?

that was my high. Do you know your low? Do you have any? Throat pain.

Yeah,

unreasonable throat

Yeah, I don't know what it was, like one gland was like, Fuck you! You don't get to drink. Um, yeah, I always find out if I've had like a heavy night of drinking, I wake up, I don't necessarily feel like, hangover in the classic sense, but I always feel really hot and stuffy, and my eyes are always a bit sore. Um, so that wasn't fun, but I'm not particularly low, it's just, Payback for drinking, isn't it, really?

Yeah.

Um, well, Um, So, no, no massive lows this week. Do you have any particular lows this week?

Um, I think, I think Saturday night when I got back from, from, having dinner with you and she was overtired, because we'd obviously kept her awake all afternoon, and then while we were in the, uh, the club, Revolucion de Cuba, the club, uh, she also wasn't sleeping. so she slept the walk home, but then when I got home, you know, I had to sort of, you Sort out the, the, the blow up beds, spare, like, all the sort of places for people

And these

out the clothes in our bedroom and all these sorts of things so that it was all kind of ready. And she just wasn't having any of it. So she kept kicking off at me and going like, you know, when she gets proper red eye screaming and then tears,

she

and she gets real exasperated. So eventually I kind of just paused, gave up, went in, went, climbed into bed. And um, had some bottle, but then I fell asleep as well. So we both ended up just asleep for like two hours. And then I woke up at about half eleven, midnight. I was like, oh shit, still got all this stuff to do. I don't know what time they're coming back. Managed to kind of slowly roll her into the next to me. And then um, set off the uh, The airbed going at midnight, so I'm sure our neighbors were rather pissed off as I Blasted the airbed, but she didn't wake up. So hopefully the neighbors didn't hear it either,

I think it's quite like a white noisy noise.

Yeah, but it sounds like a very aggressive vacuum at like midnight

if they're here at the moment.

and then Yeah, so she was just a bit, a bit aggro while I, while I knew I had quite a bit of stuff to do, um, Yeah, but after that she calmed down once she got a, she got a proper during that.

very happy we all got home. Yeah,

had a sleep, she was ready to party again.

Yeah.

Ready to party.

And then mumma passed out in bed next to

Yeah. do you

I mean, probably the whole night out. On Saturday.

Grinding on that, on that wall.

Just dancing, just having a good time, like Me and two of my sisters decided we'd like go to all those classic photo booths that you get. And take pictures, you know. And The first one we obviously didn't know it was going to happen. so We were completely caught off guard. And we were just like, we all look shit. Um, and I mean, the other three aren't much better. But, yeah, no, good, like, fun memories. And, oh, I drank some wine off my ice skates, classic.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what you do.

You're drinking Smirnoff

Forgot how fucking sweet it is.

That's quite a drink, so much of it.

I didn't drink that much of it. I

Whole two bottles, how

think it was max two bottles

do think

It was. And it's just mainly sugar, isn't it? It's not so much alcohol in the smell of things. Which is probably good for me, actually.

I

Yeah. Those WKDs as well, I was like, maybe I should like, I think, probably vomit inducing to me. But it's got a little bit of lemon, yeah, it's got a slight edge to it. Whereas, whereas blue, WKDs, is that? Just blue. Blue flavour.

blue. Okay, my funny was, I think it was Thursday,

Yeah.

I was lying in bed, and I was having a sexy dream,

about me, obviously.

at night. I can't remember what it was about. I think it was one of those weird ones whereby the The topic of the dream is very strange if you think about it objectively, like for some reason I think it had monks involved, but anyway.

classic. He doesn't find a monk sexy,

I don't know why, but I think there was something, something monastic about the dream. Um, and then I, uh, and then I got nudged, and you know like, Done, what, and you rolled her over and just placed her between us and she started doing, you know, her just kicking. thing, where she just kicks her legs. She just kept kicking my boner. She was just running that thing, just kept getting booted in the penis. And I was like, okay, I'm awake, and the dream's definitely over. It's

penis is definitely going down.

And turns out she needed a nappy change as I got kicked in the dick by, by my baby. And I So yeah, mine. I was like, well, there's no more rude awakening and definitely no longer in whatever this sex dream is, in this monastery.

dungeon. It's Monastery. I can't remember,

I can't, I don't, I, some, yeah. how about you?

I told you my pun is, I

Oh yeah, you did.

can tell we're not with it today. I

I mean, I always do that actually. Sometimes I listen back to the episode and I realise that I make you do like three

funny. place. And another one!

And another funny face! You always have to do two for my every one. It's

That's classic our life, guys.

lifeguide. Oh, alrighty. How many times are you meant to take in those casts to be rechecked before I have to just do it? Yeah, how many times did I try and do it? did I successfully do it? many

Okay. You said you were gonna do it and didn't do it

recall any of

that's funny that, that's so funny that, yeah. Very selective memory,

Yeah, yeah, I

really. Sure. Bad. It needs to be, yeah.

mean, I wouldn't say based on need, just general, just so happens that it's

coincidence. Uhhuh, Winky, dinks. All right then, So we do a,

do a a lot. We've

she's been shitting hard. this week.

shitting real hard. But like, not

But like, not that often.

one a day,

like generally, generally it's one a day. That's our standard. She's not a Well, three is one. And then, or like, but then there's been like a couple of times where she's not poofed for like a day or a couple of days and suddenly it's been like, oh no. I think she's not pooed for like a day and a half. It was on Thursday and then like just for mum and pops were coming to look after her that day. I put her in a nice cute outfit. We don't tend to do that often, but I tried. to make it a nice outfit for Nana I sat on the bed while I was getting ready, and I don't know, I just came right down from the shower. looked at her, She gets like, I feel like her eyes get slightly red around, the, before she does the poo, I think maybe she's just straining. she gets really quiet, and I was like, oh no, I'm just gonna do this, but it didn't sound like it was that big. but it, oh my god, it was, wasn't it? I had to call you upstairs.

Yeah. So it

so we had to like, give her a good wipe down, change her outfit, give it to Nana, all good, I came back from work.

it made me late for

maybe also late for work.

It made us both late for work.

Um, and then I came back, I was like, oh, she's done any more. No, she be absolute fine. I was said, okay, thank God she's been fine. Literally as soon as mum left, big shit again.

shitter. There's another one

And then she did another one later on that. day. as well. Like it was just a, that was a heavy shit day. But she just did quite a few over flowy poos, isn't

one of Just pure liquid, wasn't it? seeped out all over. Mummy had just put you in a nice white outfit. Stop nutting the mic. Of course you're not going to enjoy that. I think somebody might need a nappy

Probably gonna feed, Okay, so look at this one. Hotel rooms don't generally have changing tables. So, so I changed my newly mobile baby on a towel on the floor. I thought it was funny when he escaped clean but diaperless and the drapes to,

Okay. This good?

Yeah. okay. Clean but diaperless and Crawl between the couch and the drapes to play an adorable game of pantless peekaboo. Delightful. Until that is, he quietly took a big shit on the carpet. Mid peak. turns out it is possible to clean shit out of a carpet with a washcloth and a barb hotel hand soap. I was still glad we were checking out that morning.

Yeah, I wonder if she got fined.

Oh, she doesn't say. I've

Okay, my turn My first visit to work with my mum's old baby. All I bought was my wallet. Crikey, great

What a fool!

No diaper bag. No diapers. Sure enough as she's making the rounds Everyone cooing over her. She takes a huge shit. Yeah your first visit to work. I wonder what all your colleagues think You're underprepared. That's what they What saved me in my rookie stupidity? I was in the office of a woman's magazine The story ends with me changing her on a meeting table Bubble envelope as a changing pad using makeup remover wipes and a single sample diaper. There

I thought it was going to be like a sanitary towel as well as the midgeting.

Yeah, Okay, I'm waiting at the doctor's office. She's late and my two month old girl is fussy, so I'm bouncing her in a carrier carrier around the waiting room. Like a crazy person. A nice old lady points at me, points at my leg saying, uhoh, uhoh. I look down and that running yellow poo is leaking down my jeans past my knees. A nurse gave me a private room to change, but all of the stuff I lugged with me, no clean outfits. I've never thought to pack our own

Well, no, of course not.

No, I'm I stripped her down, used her sleeper to wipe my jeans, and wrapped her in a blanket. The doctor just laughed when she saw us. After the appointment, I hauled ass to the car with my naked baby, like I'd just stolen something from a corner store. Never forgot outfits again. I assume she means

I think she was a baby Yeah, it's

she now just carries around, like

I was gonna say like she'd maybe got some scrubs or something, but

it smells like Sure, sure. After you choose

Okay. My newborn daughter's shit did not stink. It's smell was reminiscent of popcorn. Ha! After introducing solid foods though, their poops became smelly recaps of the meals we'd shared together. If a hundred blueberries or black beans went in, a hundred would come out. embedded in fecal matter, How But otherwise unchanged. Are

them? Are you giving them whole? It's a hundred blueberries, or

you're not allowed to give them whole, you have to cut them in half. But, yes.

sure you're making a like

No, you get baby solids. I'm giving her solids pretty much straight away. It's far more interesting for the baby. Handheld.

just

Well, because, remember, until they're a year, they're not actually getting nutrition from their food,

Oh,

They're still getting pretty much all the nutrition from formula or breast milk. The only thing they're getting is a bit of iron, because your breast milk doesn't give them enough iron after

into

iron rich foods.

button. Some eye Anyway, A bucks

steak. You don't have salt, really.

Dermatitis,

Anyway, a hundred would come out. Better than faecal matter, but otherwise unchanged. Recently, our daycare provider forgot to put a disposable Liner between Em's bum and the absorbent pad of her cloth diaper. She's just We use liners so that the poo can be dumped. into the toilet instead of being mashed into the cloth. Fair Em took a dump in the linerless diaper, which made it's way back to us in a bag, with the other soiled cloth diapers. Lovely. That night, as my partner breastfed and enjoyed some quiet time with Em, I was in the bathroom scraping at the faeces. Faeces is a horrible, just say poo. In her fouled diaper, with delicate wads of toilet paper, Em had eaten black beans. And, a whole lot else. I can tell you with some of the moisture sucks out of it. poop of a toddler would make a fabulous adhesive. Just a bit of a gross story, really, isn't it?

Yeah, that wasn't funny.

was it? Sorry, Lee. Not funny.

Yeah, you ain't

On that note.

One actual thing, we've also got a, we've got a

last week. It wasn't. Still not, still poison, still poison, still there.

Yeah, so I think that's over a week without a sighting. On that, we'll say goodbye. Yeah, yeah, this is, so next week.

Just cash forgot to mention that

Yeah, so next week, it'll be my first week of being on full shared parental

so we've got one week of sort of togetherness which is nice and then I'm back to work full time Yeah, so we'll discuss that with you guys next week Stay tuned

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