Lisa Marie Rankin:

What if boundaries weren't just about keeping out what you don't want, but about protecting what it is that you truly desire? Imagine for a moment a beautiful castle with strong walls and a deep moat around it. This wasn't to shut the world out, but it was to protect the treasures inside. So today, I wanted to flip the script on boundaries and really look at them from a place of prioritizing what you truly desire. This episode is gonna show you how the most important boundaries are the ones that you create for yourself to safeguard your health, your joy, and your inner peace. Welcome to The Goddess School Podcast. So I am so excited to be here with you today and to talk about a subject that I feel like we hear quite a bit about now, boundaries. You know, boundaries are pretty popular in our culture. Everyone says I need to have stronger boundaries.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I need to enforce my boundaries. But I wanna talk about what that really means and perhaps give you a new way of looking at boundaries. So often when we're thinking about boundaries, we're often thinking about the things that we don't want. Right? Like, he can't say that to me or she can't borrow any more money. It's usually about what somebody else is doing and how we feel that they've crossed our boundary. And I'd like to flip the flip the script on that a bit because the boundaries aren't about anybody else, but they're really about what it is that you truly desire and what you want to protect. So boundaries are about you and what is important to you. So at the beginning, you know, I talked about this beautiful castle surrounded by a moat.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And, again, this moat doesn't just keep the invaders out, but it's there to protect the beauty, the treasures, and the peace inside the castle. And I think when we start to look at boundaries as a way of safeguarding what it is that we really want, whether it's more inner peace, more money, more health, it becomes a lot more empowering. And you're not outsourcing your power to someone else hoping that they may or may not cross your boundaries, but it's really it's all about you and the line that you create. And I'm also pretty confident, and we're gonna be talking about this more, that, again, once when we generally talk about boundaries, often we're thinking about it's what others are doing. But I would also like to say that the boundaries that you keep with yourself are so much more important. And until you can do that, until you can protect what you truly desire and actually show up for yourself in the way that you need, it's gonna be really difficult to hold that line with others. And I always like to say to my students and to my clients, you set the bar for how you want to be treated. Again, we're really gonna be focused on your internal boundaries.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So instead of focusing on what we want to say no to, we're gonna use boundaries to become more about creating space for what it is that we want to say yes to. So first, though, to even create a boundary or to know that you need a boundary, you have to think about what it is that you want. What is it that you are trying to protect? So it could be your health. It could be your wellness, your self care. So you might need to say no to situations where you suspect you're gonna make poor decisions. You might need to say no to situations so you can say yes to getting out for a walk or getting to a yoga class, making time to meditate. So thinking about like, well, what do you want for your health? Or it could be your peace of mind as well. So this is a really big one too, because, you know, often I think for many of us, we have people in our lives that disturb our peace of mind.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And interesting in Ayurveda, this would say, this is like a direct impact to our physical health. So if we want to feel healthy, energized, vitalized, we need to stay away from the energy vampire. So recognizing where you're giving your energy to and that it's okay to say no, you know, I'm not interested in dinner tonight. I have something else that I want to do. It could also be with your money. So think about what you desire for your bank account. Knowing perhaps you declined the girls' night, not because you don't wanna see your friends, but but because you want to protect you wanna protect your savings because you know that you'll spend more than you want and you're gonna be annoyed this next morning. So we really need to start thinking about what it is that we want for our life and what we will need to do to protect that.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And this is really true for any goal that we want because things are always going to come up. But unless we can have that line and remember, oh, this is what I'm trying to protect. So, again, we're flipping the script where boundaries isn't just about what we don't want. Like, I don't want you to say that to me. I don't want you to continue to borrow money, but it's what we really do want. I wanna have a sense of inner peace. I wanna feel happy. I wanna feel respected.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I wanna feel that my money is valued. And when we come at it from that way, it's really a lot more empowering. And, again, the most important boundaries are going to be the ones that we set not with other people, but with ourselves. So, for example, like, how often do we say we wanna focus on our health by taking a walk or meditating every day? But wouldn't you know it? There's a lot to do. There's emails. There's laundry. There's work. We never got it drowned to doing what it is that we said we truly wanted.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

We stay up too late. We over commit. And as a result, we start to lose our self respect. We don't keep the boundaries that we set for ourselves. And sometimes it can be much more easier to look at what others are doing, but not necessarily what we are doing. And I often give this example in my community. Say you had lunch plans today with your friend, Jenny, and you were going to this really cool cafe. You're gonna get this vegan Caesar salad, this, you know, jasmine iced tea.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

We're all dressed up. You put your lipstick on. So excited to meet Jenny. You get there at noon right when you had decided you were both to be there, and she's not there. So you're looking at your watch and she doesn't show up. So you sit down, you have lunch by yourself, but it's not really quite the same. So then you talk to Jenny and she's like, oh my god. I'm so sorry.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I just got busy, you know, life, the kids, the dog, whatever. Let's meet again next week. So you're like, oh, alright. Well, I guess she just missed one time. But then you meet her next Wednesday, and you're all dressed up again excited, you know, to really talk to her. There's a few things you wanna share, that you wanna celebrate, but she's still not there. And, you know, now you're starting to think like, I don't know if Jenny really values me or if Jenny really values my time. So you talk to her later that night and again she apologized as she said she can't believe this actually happened again.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

She said next week, it's definitely not gonna happen. She's gonna be there next week. So you go through the same routine, and she doesn't show. Now at that point, I'm pretty confident you're gonna be like, I don't think Jenny is a good friend of mine. You know? She's she's crossed my boundaries. I'm not making plans with her anymore. Maybe if she wants to see me, she can come to my house, but that's it. Right? But yet we do that to ourselves all the time.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

We tell ourselves we're going to start exercising, start meditating, start to eat more vegetables, go to bed earlier, and yet we don't do it. And yet we wonder why we don't have the confidence or we don't have the self love. There are boundaries that protect what it is that we want in our lives. And, again, that's for you to define whether it's a sense of inner peace or respect, more money, more health. But unless we respect those boundaries, our self love and confidence is gonna start lacking. Because if we can't show up for ourselves, it's gonna be really challenging to expect others to show up for ourselves as well too. So we really have to consider that the most important boundaries are the ones that we need to create with ourselves. So I wanted to give you a few examples of just some of the boundaries that I have put up in my life and how they have helped prioritize what is most important to me and also how they may have shifted and changed over time.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So, for example, like, when my children were really young and I was working full time in the corporate world, I didn't have a lot of time. So if I wanted to exercise, which I did, I would have to get up really early and get to a 6 AM yoga class. That way my kids were still sleeping, so I didn't feel like I was missing time for them and I would still be able to get to work. And this was a time that I fiercely protected. It was my only time. It was important to me. So having this, like, early morning routine when my kids were young were something that I really needed. That was a boundary that I set up.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

It was not something that I was going to deviate from. Another boundary I have, and I have this one right now, I don't keep vodka in the house. Now even though I have never drank excessively, there have been times in my life where I have drank habitually. That means, like, especially when I was in the corporate world, I would come home from work. I'd wanna make myself a vodka and soda. Now I know if we're thinking of, you know, what it is that we're trying to protect, I'm trying to protect consciousness. I'm trying to protect health, peace of mind. I know, peace of mind.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I know having a vodka and soda every single night around 5:36 when I'm making dinner is not going to get me to where I want to be. It's not going to bring me closer to the woman that I want to become. So rather than white knuckling it or trying to resist temptation, I have a boundary there's just not vodka in the house because I wanna set myself up for success. I wanna protect that inner peace, my health that matters so important to me. So those are a few boundaries that I have around self care. Let me give you an example of, like, a boundary that I have had with another. So my father and I have had a somewhat tumultuous relationship. And in the past, you know, I would let him yell at me or maybe endure his some of his accusations, and then I would break out in hives.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I would suffer from anxiety and insomnia. And for a while, I had to put up a hard boundary. I didn't speak to him, and I didn't speak to him for a couple of years. And sometimes that's what boundaries look like because at that time, I was trying to protect my inner peace, and I really didn't feel that I had the tools or maybe even my nervous system wasn't at a point yet where where I really could engage with him at all. Now, over time, I have been able to to make that boundary a little more permeable where I talk to him. However, that boundary has matured. So, now, I simply choose not to speak to him if I don't feel that he is being respectful, and it's not that in a you can't say that to me way or don't talk to me like that. It's simply I'm hanging up because I don't like your tone.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So it's not about what he is is doing, and I'm not telling him how he needs to behave, and I think that's something, especially women, that we think that this person needs to act like this. And, I mean, hey, we all know it. People can act however they want to act. The real question is what are you going to do about it? So in this example with my father, if he starts to talk aggressively or if I don't like his tone, it's simply like, okay. I'm hanging up. I don't like this. You know, I don't like the way the direct the conversation the way the direction. Hey, Kim.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

You can just back that up a little bit. So now in the case of my father, when the conversation starts to go in a direction that I don't like, it's not about me telling him that he can't talk to me. It's simply, I'm not having this conversation anymore. I'm hanging up. And when we look at it that way, it's we're really taking back our power. And then it doesn't matter what others are doing or not doing. It's simply a matter of how we are responding. We are responsible for holding that line.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

You are the gatekeeper to your inner peace and to what it is that you actually want in your life. So I wanted to give you some tips. They're gonna I'm gonna give you 4 tips for creating boundaries to really protect what it is that you want. Now you can start creating alright. Let me start over. So now I wanna give you 4 tips for creating boundaries to protect what it is that you really want. Now, first, you need to identify your treasures and really spend some time thinking about this. You can spend some time journaling about what is important to you, what it is that you want for yourself, your life.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So I would really include, like, what do you want your physical health to be like? What is important to you and what do you need to get there? What about your relationships? How do you wanna engage with the people in your life? What do you want more of, or what do you want less of? What about money? How much money do you want? What are the things that are getting in the way of you having the money that you need? Or what about your business? How would you like to grow your business? What do you need to do that? Your creativity. Are you making time for the things that turn you on, that light you up? What about pleasure? You know, pleasure is a feminine superpower. Are you experiencing pleasure on a daily basis? But take a moment and really just start to think about what is it that I want for myself, for my life, for the woman that I'm involving into every day. And then once you have that, then we go to step 2. Now start thinking about what you need to do to protect those treasures. Is it getting to bed earlier? Is it putting aside some money each week? Is it taking a walk every day? But now that you know what you want, what needs to happen so you can actually protect them, so you can create a space where they can grow, where they can develop? The third one is then communicate from a place of love. Now since we are not out here all alone, but many of us have families, we have coworkers, We have other people that we are engaging with. Even though boundaries are about you and not them, it's important that you can communicate it from a place of love.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So, for example, if you are really committed to keeping your morning times clear for meditation, you might just say something like, I'm committed to keeping my mornings quiet for meditation. I'll be available after 10 AM. And remember, it's about what you do. It's not about what others do. And then the 4th is to hold yourself accountable. And this is the tough part, but this is key. You need to honor your own boundaries if you're going to be expecting to to have others honor your boundaries as well. And if you don't follow through on your commitments to your health, self care, or time management, you're gonna have a really hard time holding that line when it comes to setting boundaries with others.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Now, of course, none of us are perfect. Things are going to slip. So that's actually another part. When they do, there's no shame. Right? We are doing the best we can all the time. We trend in the direction of health and wholeness. We just start again. We recognize maybe how slipping made us fail, and then we recommit.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Again, taking away the shame when we have not held the boundaries that we've wanted to hold. So in summary, boundaries aren't just a defense mechanism against the things that you don't want. They're an active, loving way to protect what it is that you really do want. And, of course, we need to identify what it is that we really want. It's not just about the things that make us feel bad. Like, he can't say that. I don't like that. It's what makes you feel good? What turns you on? What lights you up? And how do you protect that? And that's a much more empowering place, and it's not about what others are doing.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

It's about how you are responding to that. So we're really taking back our power, taking back our control of our life. So we're really kind of flipping that switch so we can actually create and protect what it is that we really want. So as you move throughout your day, continue to, like, ask yourself, like, what am I trying to protect, and what do I need to do to keep the things I value truly safe? Alright, beautiful ones. Before we go, I also wanted to let you know about an upcoming free workshop that I have coming up. It's called 4 rituals to invoke your inner wild woman. Now the wild woman is a primal divine feminine archetype. She is creative, sensual, intuitive, and she naturally sets boundaries to protect what she truly desires, her freedom.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Now if you want to connect with this wild aspect of yourself, I'm gonna invite you to join me, and I'll share 4 potent rituals. Now the link to register is in your show notes, and I hope to see you there. Alright. Well, until next time, my sister. Be well.