Ep27 - Video

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[00:00:00] Dan 1: Hello lovely listeners, in this episode we discuss some new self care, the fallout of the previous week's pet problems, and more weaning stories. But also, a new section, Gottman Cards. This requires us to discuss key parts of our relationship and talk about how we could improve it. Enjoy the episode.

[00:00:16] Dan 1: okay. Episode 27

[00:00:43] Tilly: Twenty seven,

[00:00:44] Tilly: sir. Twenty

[00:00:45] Tilly: seven? my gosh. Twenty seven. Wow, can you please get

[00:00:51] Tilly: the

[00:00:52] Dan 1: my wife's got a gold face.

[00:00:53] Tilly: I have, like, blingy jaundice as I said a minute, ago.

[00:00:56] Tilly: We've got a hair mask in as well. are doing self care Saturday, aren't you?

[00:01:01] Tilly: I thought, you know what?

[00:01:02] Tilly: It's time.

[00:01:03] Tilly: I've even cut my fingernails.

[00:01:05] Dan 1: I've got massive bags.

[00:01:07] Tilly: Yeah, I've

[00:01:08] Tilly: hacked my way through my armpit hair. It's my smooth arms. Not arms, just armpits.

[00:01:12] Tilly: So yeah. I mean, I've not managed to tackle the foof

[00:01:15] Tilly: or the legs yet. Whereas whereas I definitely need a haircut and a shave.

[00:01:20] Tilly: But I'm looking

[00:01:21] Tilly: very Yeah. I need to sort my grooming out.

[00:01:25] Tilly: I

[00:01:25] Tilly: mean, I still need to do my moustache.

[00:01:27] Tilly: But this is a peel

[00:01:28] Tilly: off mask, so you never know.

[00:01:30] Tilly: I'm Hoping it might get some of my moustache out

[00:01:32] Tilly: with it.

[00:01:32] Dan 1: take it. Take it. for you.

[00:01:33] Tilly: Yeah, hopefully.

[00:01:35] Dan 1: be nice, eh?

[00:01:36] Tilly: It's starting to get a little stiffy. is just

[00:01:39] Tilly: distracted by the massive bright light.

[00:01:41] Dan 1: Yeah, how much

[00:01:42] Dan 1: shine do you get off the face with the light on?

[00:01:45] Tilly: I'm looking pretty, I'm pretty shiny.

[00:01:47] Tilly: I'm looking very

[00:01:47] Tilly: metallic.

[00:01:48] Tilly: Stop

[00:01:48] Tilly: doing this. You're not doing this at the moment. No! No!

[00:01:53] Tilly: So the new thing is to like, clamp with the side of her mouth and then pull. But obviously as she pulls it gets smaller and smaller the,

[00:01:59] Tilly: nipple she's got in her mouth. Which makes it more and more sore. And she's like, really pulling it and it's like a really firm, like, clamp down. And my nipple's proper bruised.

[00:02:08] Tilly: now. It's

[00:02:09] Tilly: like fave thing to do. And I'm not a fan.

[00:02:13] Dan 1: fan. She likes spinning and tugging, doesn't

[00:02:15] Tilly: She does, she does, she gets distracted pretty easy now.

[00:02:18] Tilly: Bob's had a nice

[00:02:19] Tilly: little bath

[00:02:20] Tilly: was having a shower.

[00:02:23] Tilly: Kept it super

[00:02:23] Tilly: toasty because she's like a mama, she likes to be a lobster in the bath.

[00:02:26] Tilly: But, let's dive into our week.

[00:02:28] Tilly: It's been a bit of a

[00:02:29] Dan 1: Shit week.

[00:02:30] Dan 1: It's

[00:02:30] Tilly: Yeah, shit

[00:02:32] Dan 1: week.

[00:02:33] Tilly: week.

[00:02:33] Tilly: Yeah.

[00:02:34] Dan 1: So,

[00:02:35] Tilly: well, Sunday,

[00:02:37] Dan 1: well, it's been, so we, we said that there were, there were pet issues in the last episode.

[00:02:42] Tilly: Mm hmm.

[00:02:43] Dan 1: and

[00:02:44] Dan 1: I think that then divulged to be a bit of an understatement.

[00:02:48] Dan 1: Still not heard anything regarding cat, so

[00:02:51] Tilly: Gregor's still

[00:02:52] Tilly: missing, sadly.

[00:02:54] Dan 1: don't know where that's at. Your

[00:02:56] Dan 1: mum's dog?

[00:02:57] Dan 1: It's

[00:02:57] Tilly: it's,

[00:02:58] Tilly: it's starting to get better

[00:02:59] Tilly: now. It's not, they don't think it's cancer, they think it's

[00:03:01] Tilly: probably a really, like,

[00:03:03] Tilly: bad, antibiotic resistant infection.

[00:03:06] Tilly: So he's been in a specialist for a few nights, and he's just started to eat a little bit again. which is the first time in about two weeks He's started eating, so that's a good sign.

[00:03:14] Dan 1: again.

[00:03:14] Tilly: poorly,

[00:03:15] Tilly: but, you know, it's it's It's, going in the right direction now.

[00:03:18] Tilly: But

[00:03:18] Dan 1: he's been here, there and everywhere for the last week, hasn't

[00:03:21] Tilly: he's been like, yeah.

[00:03:23] Tilly: Yeah,

[00:03:24] Tilly: so we had, We had my mum's other dog over when she came over on Thursday, and we had Nancy over.

[00:03:27] Tilly: Yeah. Nancy was being very needy and whiny because she was missing Sid. But her and Fatty got on really well.

[00:03:33] Tilly: I was really happy with that. that.

[00:03:34] Tilly: was a positive for the week.

[00:03:36] Dan 1: to

[00:03:37] Tilly: So sure.

[00:03:38] Dan 1: whereas my mum's dog, or my family dog from when I was like, got when I was about 15,

[00:03:44] Dan 1: He, he unfortunately just deteriorated.

[00:03:50] Dan 1: He's about 14, 15 now.

[00:03:52] Dan 1: And he,

[00:03:55] Dan 1: yeah, so on Sunday he went in to the, or Saturday evening he went in to the ICU, the dog ICU.

[00:04:02] Dan 1: They kept doing tests and different things like that.

[00:04:05] Dan 1: My mom was really trying to have him pulled through and I was just

[00:04:09] Tilly: a very

[00:04:09] Dan 1: a very old dog, I don't think he's gonna

[00:04:12] Dan 1: he's gonna

[00:04:12] Dan 1: make it. Yep, and he, he,

[00:04:17] Dan 1: eventually

[00:04:18] Dan 1: just,

[00:04:18] Dan 1: you know, had a, unfortunately had a few seizures,

[00:04:21] Dan 1: had a few other complications and things like that,

[00:04:25] Dan 1: and just didn't really recover.

[00:04:27] Dan 1: So,

[00:04:28] Dan 1: after a few kind of days of him laying, they're not really getting any better.

[00:04:31] Tilly: better.

[00:04:31] Tilly: The

[00:04:32] Dan 1: The view was that unfortunately he should be put to sleep,

[00:04:34] Dan 1: so. That

[00:04:35] Dan 1: then happened Wednesday afternoon.

[00:04:38] Dan 1: So, it's been a bit of a week of kind of

[00:04:41] Dan 1: you know, going in. Me and Baby

[00:04:43] Dan 1: Girl have been off

[00:04:43] Dan 1: to the dog ICU. We were there, what, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

[00:04:50] Tilly: Yeah, we all went in on Monday, didn't we?

[00:04:52] Dan 1: yeah,

[00:04:53] Dan 1: did we go on Sunday?

[00:04:54] Dan 1: No,

[00:04:54] Tilly: we all went on Monday.

[00:04:56] Dan 1: on Monday, we went to,

[00:04:57] Dan 1: oh yeah, we went to see

[00:04:58] Dan 1: my mum on Sunday.

[00:05:00] Tilly: to dog ICU

[00:05:02] Dan 1: on,

[00:05:02] Dan 1: Monday, then also on Tuesday, and then also on Wednesday.

[00:05:06] Dan 1: us all on Monday, then just me and baby girl on

[00:05:08] Dan 1: Tuesday and Wednesday. so

[00:05:11] Tilly: Mom

[00:05:11] Tilly: stayed with us on Monday night.

[00:05:14] Dan 1: Yeah, so mum stayed with us on Monday night.

[00:05:15] Dan 1: Then my brother flew

[00:05:16] Dan 1: down from

[00:05:16] Tilly: from up say

[00:05:18] Dan 1: to say goodbye.

[00:05:19] Tilly: desk and

[00:05:21] Dan 1: slamming the desk and looking at me.

[00:05:22] Tilly: and Wednesday

[00:05:23] Dan 1: On Tuesday and Wednesday

[00:05:25] Dan 1: night, and then flew back on

[00:05:27] Dan 1: Thursday morning.

[00:05:28] Tilly: Yeah, so we've had a quite a packed house actually, haven't we?

[00:05:31] Dan 1: Yeah, and so it's really interrupted kind of routine, and it's made it quite hard for

[00:05:35] Tilly: quite her. And

[00:05:36] Dan 1: baby girl's

[00:05:37] Dan 1: either in a development

[00:05:38] Dan 1: loop or something. You're not, you're not sleeping normally,

[00:05:42] Dan 1: are

[00:05:43] Tilly: super needy, isn't she? Um, no, she's

[00:05:45] Dan 1: No, night

[00:05:47] Tilly: last night was uh, nights of all the motherly

[00:05:50] Tilly: being pestered.

[00:05:51] Dan 1: With baby girl whereby Tilly goes and sleeps in the spare room to try and recuperate from nights of being, all the nights of the week being pestered. And yeah, you, you would just fall asleep, I'd try and roll her off. And then literally 20 40 minutes later, she'd wake up screaming, she would, and then she'd only fall asleep if she was back on me, like on my chest, or not even like next to me, usually you can get away with kind of spooning her.

[00:06:17] Tilly: screaming her.

[00:06:17] Dan 1: Like you put it,

[00:06:19] Dan 1: yeah, you put it, kind of

[00:06:20] Dan 1: in your armpit with your arm out front. And so her head's sort of resting

[00:06:25] Dan 1: on your

[00:06:25] Tilly: shoulder.

[00:06:26] Dan 1: and that way you can kind of sleep

[00:06:27] Dan 1: without having to have this thing kind of wriggling on your chest the

[00:06:30] Dan 1: whole time.

[00:06:31] Dan 1: but

[00:06:32] Tilly: unfortunately,

[00:06:34] Dan 1: this thing that's slamming the desk and screaming, yeah,

[00:06:37] Dan 1: you.

[00:06:37] Tilly: we realised that she

[00:06:38] Tilly: sounds like she's like dying of like a wheezy chest. She's just got like a lazy larynx and so it just sounds like she can't breathe sometimes. She's fine.

[00:06:44] Dan 1: And so she then just kind of, kicks off every so often and then you have to kind of roll her back onto your chest and have to try and find a way of sleeping pretty much with her on you the whole time.

[00:06:54] Tilly: I was gonna say, do you want me to maybe, do you want to maybe have a night without up here

[00:06:57] Tilly: tonight? Because you've got a massive date tomorrow. So

[00:07:01] Dan 1: uh, Mum's decided that

[00:07:03] Tilly: Mum's

[00:07:04] Dan 1: she wants

[00:07:04] Tilly: wants, pardon me, she buried Coby buried in her garden.

[00:07:08] Tilly: I'm

[00:07:08] Dan 1: So tomorrow I'm

[00:07:10] Dan 1: digging

[00:07:11] Dan 1: the poor dog's grave.

[00:07:12] Dan 1: So that's meant to take a good few hours of hard work.

[00:07:15] Tilly: Alice.

[00:07:16] Dan 1: yes, please.

[00:07:17] Tilly: Yes. Yeah, I can see it. So Yeah, I can see it.

[00:07:25] Tilly: look on

[00:07:26] Dan 1: I've got the metallic look on my face, it's

[00:07:28] Dan 1: probably just bags, whereas the metallic look on Who

[00:07:32] Tilly: Yeah, so today we are having

[00:07:34] Tilly: a chill family day, aren't we? Yeah,

[00:07:36] Dan 1: Yeah. Well for

[00:07:37] Dan 1: you, you start with self care Saturday.

[00:07:40] Tilly: Yeah, I just thought I'd,

[00:07:41] Tilly: it's not, I just made it was alliteration, you liked alliteration.

[00:07:44] Dan 1: Okay.

[00:07:45] Tilly: Um, it probably is,

[00:07:48] Tilly: It probably is,

[00:07:49] Tilly: but

[00:07:49] Tilly: no, I just thought you'd like alliteration.

[00:07:51] Tilly: So yeah,

[00:07:51] Tilly: we're just gonna chill.

[00:07:52] Tilly: together, aren't we?

[00:07:53] Tilly: We're not gonna go

[00:07:54] Tilly: outside today.

[00:07:55] Dan 1: No,

[00:07:56] Tilly: We're gonna hermit and hibernate.

[00:07:57] Dan 1: nicer, I will take fast for a walk,

[00:07:59] Dan 1: but

[00:08:00] Tilly: currently it's pretty

[00:08:00] Tilly: grim. It's pretty easy to stay

[00:08:02] Tilly: inside. I'm gonna make us some We'll probably eat some big old chunky cookies

[00:08:08] Dan 1: Yeah.

[00:08:09] Tilly: and we're just gonna

[00:08:10] Tilly: Chill and watch

[00:08:12] Tilly: crap, probably.

[00:08:14] Dan 1: Looking forward to it.

[00:08:15] Tilly: Sorry,

[00:08:16] Tilly: but let's see what else has happened this week? I mean, it's been pretty dominated, hasn't it, by the dogs really?

[00:08:21] Dan 1: Yeah,

[00:08:22] Tilly: I think you know, it's, it's doubly hard for your

[00:08:24] Tilly: mum because

[00:08:26] Tilly: Cobes

[00:08:26] Tilly: was like her main companion,

[00:08:28] Tilly: wasn't he? Yeah,

[00:08:30] Dan 1: so Kobe, my lab,

[00:08:32] Dan 1: We got him,

[00:08:34] Dan 1: yeah, like 15 years ago,

[00:08:36] Dan 1: and then 10 years ago, my dad died.

[00:08:38] Tilly: 12?

[00:08:39] Dan 1: Oh, yeah, I'm sure far more, yeah, nearly

[00:08:41] Dan 1: 12

[00:08:42] Dan 1: years. then What, six,

[00:08:44] Dan 1: seven years ago?

[00:08:45] Dan 1: No, five years ago Thea obviously left home, went

[00:08:47] Dan 1: to uni.

[00:08:48] Tilly: before that, obviously, you'd, you were gone.

[00:08:51] Dan 1: so, you know this, as in terms of her family unit, Koby was kind of the last one.

[00:08:57] Dan 1: And so now she's very much got an empty house, so it's going to be very hard for her.

[00:09:01] Tilly: Yeah, we're a little bit worried, aren't we? yeah.

[00:09:03] Dan 1: yeah.

[00:09:05] Tilly: I'm trying to get a companion.

[00:09:08] Tilly: Or just come and see us more.

[00:09:09] Dan 1: Frankie and Grace kind of

[00:09:10] Tilly: Maybe if I'm more determined, she's not an old age lesbian.

[00:09:13] Tilly: Who knows? me

[00:09:16] Dan 1: work. Love. Go to sleep,

[00:09:18] Tilly: the

[00:09:20] Dan 1: Just go to sleep.

[00:09:21] Tilly: on the other booby.

[00:09:24] Dan 1: you hardly slept

[00:09:25] Dan 1: last night, you've been all right.

[00:09:26] Tilly: definitely sleepy because you're rubbing your eyes loads in your bath. I'm trying to think what else has happened this week, but I feel like not

[00:09:31] Tilly: much, massively. She's been eating really well.

[00:09:34] Dan 1: poo. Yes, very exciting. solid poo. got very

[00:09:39] Tilly: very exciting. solid poo.

[00:09:41] Tilly: We got way excited. Classic

[00:09:43] Tilly: new first time parents. And we took pictures. Well,

[00:09:45] Tilly: you took a picture of the poo.

[00:09:47] Dan 1: Now, we say solid poo, but it's more like when you've cut the grass, and then it's rained,

[00:09:53] Tilly: No, that was a poo.

[00:09:54] Dan 1: you go, yeah I know, and then you go walking around in it,

[00:09:57] Dan 1: and then when you come back in,

[00:09:58] Dan 1: you get like those

[00:09:59] Dan 1: wet grassy

[00:10:00] Dan 1: clumps.

[00:10:02] Dan 1: Because there's a lot of the fibrous matter of what

[00:10:04] Tilly: Oh yeah, she's

[00:10:05] Tilly: not chewing really

[00:10:05] Tilly: properly

[00:10:06] Dan 1: because she's not chewing, you have big clumpy fibrous bits in

[00:10:09] Tilly: Um, what she bloody enjoyed was a mango.

[00:10:11] Tilly: Yeah. She went to town on the mango, like, just attacking it,

[00:10:16] Tilly: She had a great time.

[00:10:17] Dan 1: So she's been winning a lot

[00:10:18] Dan 1: of things.

[00:10:19] Tilly: Yeah. She, She,

[00:10:20] Tilly: loved yogurt, she made a right message, some yogurt,

[00:10:22] Dan 1: some canned oats and

[00:10:23] Tilly: she has some

[00:10:23] Tilly: pancakes, some raspberries today. Made her some little

[00:10:27] Tilly: oat and tofu pancakes.

[00:10:28] Tilly: She lots of different

[00:10:31] Tilly: kinds of fruits.

[00:10:31] Tilly: Yeah.

[00:10:33] Tilly: She

[00:10:33] Dan 1: loves the little whatsit things.

[00:10:35] Tilly: Yeah.

[00:10:35] Tilly: she loves little rice cakes as well. Um,

[00:10:37] Tilly: a few more of a bits of dried

[00:10:39] Tilly: fruit. loves

[00:10:40] Dan 1: dragon fruit, the bougie bitch.

[00:10:42] Tilly: She does.

[00:10:43] Tilly: We tried a bit freeze

[00:10:44] Tilly: dried

[00:10:44] Tilly: and that

[00:10:44] Tilly: went down quite well, because I think it's a different

[00:10:46] Dan 1: dragon

[00:10:46] Tilly: have a bit freeze dried mango as well.

[00:10:48] Tilly: Oh, She's fancy.

[00:10:49] Tilly: She is fancy.

[00:10:51] Tilly: So yeah, the weaning's been going pretty well.

[00:10:53] Tilly: I'm pretty happy with how it's going.

[00:10:55] Tilly: You know,

[00:10:56] Tilly: can't

[00:10:56] Tilly: complain.

[00:10:57] Dan 1: And gotta get her onto meats next.

[00:11:00] Dan 1: What, What, what, what is it next? Is it, it is meat,

[00:11:03] Tilly: meat? Do you have meat now? Yeah, yeah. I've brought some bits of cheese as well to try and speak to her.

[00:11:07] Tilly: I've got some cottage cheese. and she's also got some, just little cheese

[00:11:11] Tilly: sticks. The vomit's

[00:11:12] Dan 1: vomit's

[00:11:13] Dan 1: already cottage cheese. I don't want to add real cottage cheese

[00:11:16] Tilly: Well, I think it's quite good starter cheese

[00:11:17] Tilly: She's having yogurt.

[00:11:19] Tilly: I've not, I've not given her kefir

[00:11:21] Dan 1: Dairy Lee Dunkers with her Wotsits.

[00:11:23] Tilly: we going to try some kefir maybe today?

[00:11:25] Dan 1: Yeah, sure. I'm not.

[00:11:26] Tilly: are, family kefir time.

[00:11:28] Dan 1: of the room and you're going to be like, Mmm, look,

[00:11:30] Dan 1: mummy and daddy both like kefir, but daddy's just not

[00:11:32] Tilly: you even tried kefir before?

[00:11:35] Dan 1: I just

[00:11:35] Tilly: I don't think you have.

[00:11:37] Tilly: I think you're being a little baby.

[00:11:39] Dan 1: Just milk is good enough. Why fuck with it?

[00:11:42] Tilly: Is fermented stuff really good for you?

[00:11:44] Dan 1: I like fermented other things.

[00:11:46] Dan 1: Don't ferment my milk.

[00:11:48] Tilly: But it's good for her to get to like different strong flavours.

[00:11:50] Dan 1: What else? think that's most of it really, in terms of the week. I mean

[00:11:55] Tilly: it's

[00:11:55] Tilly: just been a bit of

[00:11:56] Tilly: a messy week hasn't it, because we've been sort of out of

[00:11:57] Tilly: routine. You've been travelling around a lot with her, so she's been quite

[00:12:01] Tilly: overtired often

[00:12:02] Tilly: as well.

[00:12:02] Dan 1: a bit.

[00:12:04] Tilly: So I think we're all a bit tired,

[00:12:06] Tilly: At the end of

[00:12:06] Tilly: this week. positive note,

[00:12:10] Tilly: we did get some exercise in.

[00:12:12] Dan 1: yes,

[00:12:14] Tilly: You know,

[00:12:15] Tilly: gotta take the wins.

[00:12:15] Dan 1: yes,

[00:12:16] Dan 1: we did. We did. So, that's good. We've got one session each now.

[00:12:21] Tilly: I've got two

[00:12:22] Dan 1: I'll check you out Fancy Pants.

[00:12:24] Tilly: and I've got a yoga session as well. So kind of like three sessions really. Do you know? I've discovered she really likes though,

[00:12:32] Tilly: she loves Andy

[00:12:33] Tilly: Oliver.

[00:12:34] Tilly: Every time Andy Oliver comes on the TV,

[00:12:36] Tilly: she's like, She smiles and like, gets really

[00:12:38] Tilly: excited.

[00:12:39] Dan 1: Okay, you

[00:12:41] Dan 1: watch a lot of Andy Oliver, so that's probably quite

[00:12:43] Tilly: Oliver? Is it that you

[00:12:45] Tilly: like him?

[00:12:46] Dan 1: like Andy Oliver a lot, if there was

[00:12:48] Dan 1: more of her you would definitely watch a lot of her

[00:12:50] Dan 1: She's not got that many shows

[00:12:51] Tilly: you

[00:12:52] Dan 1: Paging BBC

[00:12:53] Tilly: ten of them. This

[00:12:55] Tilly: is

[00:12:56] Dan 1: of shit,

[00:12:57] Tilly: NHS,

[00:12:58] Dan 1: just think it's such a daft idea to be like, let's feed the NHS.

[00:13:03] Dan 1: What do you do? Feed like ten of them This is for all the NHS. We will feed ten of you. Oh, and

[00:13:11] Dan 1: she's vomited. More in, get more in the cheek, the chin, sorry.

[00:13:18] Dan 1: There we go, yep.

[00:13:19] Tilly: What I will post with this

[00:13:21] Tilly: video,

[00:13:22] Tilly: is my patented technique of how to turn a sanitary towel

[00:13:26] Tilly: into a breast pad.

[00:13:27] Dan 1: Oh

[00:13:27] Dan 1: yeah, you've had to do that

[00:13:28] Dan 1: a few times.

[00:13:29] Tilly: times. I have. I'm really bad at sanitary towels And

[00:13:30] Tilly: I'm going to work. It's quite a long time away from Zoe, so my boobs tend to leak quite a bit.

[00:13:36] Tilly: Sorry. Flashing

[00:13:38] Dan 1: her shoulder, you cheeky minx.

[00:13:40] Tilly: little I know, it's sexy.

[00:13:41] Tilly: And, where have you drawn my breast pad? There we go. And so

[00:13:45] Tilly: I have to sort of make, do something, make

[00:13:46] Tilly: it so I don't end up leaking milk at work. It's not the most professional look with having just wet boobs.

[00:13:51] Tilly: And so, I've, I used to just put the whole sandwich down my bra, but because I've done this quite a few times now, I've now honed my technique. and I'll post a video along with this of how to turn a sandwich tart into a pretty bloody decent breast pad.

[00:14:05] Tilly: Yeah. Lucky people.

[00:14:07] Tilly: Lucky people. I know. Do you

[00:14:11] Dan 1: have anything else you want? Do you want to go through highs lows funnies? Or is there anything else we go on the week?

[00:14:17] Tilly: So, I think my family, weaning,

[00:14:20] Tilly: all

[00:14:20] Tilly: the

[00:14:21] Dan 1: So I think my high was definitely weaning with all the weaning, especially the

[00:14:25] Dan 1: yogurt. We made a real mess. We've got some very funny photos of you covered in yogurt.

[00:14:31] Tilly: You've Got a

[00:14:31] Dan 1: beard, got a yogurt goatee,

[00:14:34] Dan 1: look

[00:14:34] Dan 1: like an old man

[00:14:35] Tilly: you've got those creepy,

[00:14:37] Dan 1: a weird creepy goatee and you even got it in your eyebrows and everything.

[00:14:40] Tilly: Yeah, it was everywhere.

[00:14:42] Dan 1: Because the other thing

[00:14:43] Dan 1: is like, So we're not just letting her feed

[00:14:45] Dan 1: it with her hands,

[00:14:46] Dan 1: I mean she does do that as well, but we're trying to give her the spoon.

[00:14:49] Dan 1: But she grabs

[00:14:50] Dan 1: the spoon with such

[00:14:51] Dan 1: enthusiasm

[00:14:51] Dan 1: and just

[00:14:52] Dan 1: tries to, because she likes being in control, she grabs it with such enthusiasm and tries to pull it towards her face.

[00:14:56] Dan 1: and

[00:14:56] Dan 1: just slams herself like in the cheek or in the eyebrow. You're lucky you haven't slammed yourself in the eye so far.

[00:15:01] Tilly: to get her the little shorter spoons because I think those spoons are made for us to feed her.

[00:15:05] Dan 1: Well I am trying to give her like,

[00:15:06] Dan 1: the hand that's close to

[00:15:07] Tilly: know but once she's got it herself she's

[00:15:09] Tilly: Well the thing,

[00:15:10] Dan 1: she like, tugs before you've released.

[00:15:13] Dan 1: And so

[00:15:14] Dan 1: she just slams herself

[00:15:15] Dan 1: in the face.

[00:15:15] Dan 1: So you covered yourself in

[00:15:17] Dan 1: yogurt because of that, which was good fun.

[00:15:19] Dan 1: That was, That was, so that was my high.

[00:15:21] Dan 1: Then my low was probably definitely poor old Kobe being put down.

[00:15:26] Dan 1: But to, to top that off, you'd been good the whole time in all our doctor's visits.

[00:15:33] Dan 1: And then when the, the actual exact moment came, when they were injecting the,

[00:15:38] Dan 1: the stuff, you decided you'd had enough. And so the, the time when I was most wanting you to be calm and quiet, so that I could be present and say goodbye to my, to my oldest dog, you were kicking off and I had to try and keep you calm, while a room full of people were trying to stay present with the doggie.

[00:15:54] Dan 1: So that was probably my low, because I wanted to obviously just be there to say goodbye,

[00:15:58] Dan 1: in that moment, and instead, I didn't. Crying

[00:16:00] Dan 1: baby.

[00:16:01] Dan 1: So I just shoved a bottle in your face to try and shut you up, but you're already full.

[00:16:07] Dan 1: So,

[00:16:08] Dan 1: crying away, poor Kobe, his last moments probably just hearing you scream.

[00:16:12] Tilly: Well that's the sound of life.

[00:16:14] Dan 1: And then my funny was Oh yeah,

[00:16:19] Tilly: Oh

[00:16:19] Tilly: yeah,

[00:16:20] Dan 1: holding I was, we were part of sleeping.

[00:16:24] Dan 1: This,

[00:16:24] Dan 1: this new problem

[00:16:25] Dan 1: that we have with sleeping.

[00:16:26] Dan 1: So I'm there,

[00:16:27] Dan 1: and,

[00:16:28] Dan 1: we've put her down to

[00:16:29] Dan 1: go to sleep. It's Thursday night, we've put her down to go to

[00:16:32] Dan 1: sleep.

[00:16:33] Dan 1: And, she's in a cot bed, she cries and cries, so I go and grab her.

[00:16:38] Dan 1: I bring her in, and I'm trying to like, settle her, or whatever,

[00:16:43] Dan 1: I've

[00:16:43] Dan 1: got her on

[00:16:44] Dan 1: me, I've

[00:16:44] Dan 1: got her off me, I've got, trying to put her in all sorts of positions,

[00:16:47] Dan 1: she's just screaming and screaming and screaming.

[00:16:50] Dan 1: And then literally, as soon as you pick her up, she just goes silent, and basically falls asleep.

[00:16:57] Tilly: like, alright then.

[00:16:58] Dan 1: then, so, this is how

[00:17:01] Dan 1: it is then, isn't it?

[00:17:02] Tilly: then.

[00:17:05] Dan 1: Mummy's magic touch, as long as Mummy's got you! It's all quiet and sleepy time. If it's daddy, fuck no.

[00:17:11] Tilly: Yeah.

[00:17:12] Tilly: Which is both, like good and bad for both of us, do you know what I mean?

[00:17:15] Tilly: Because, like, it's nice to know that I

[00:17:17] Tilly: can just comfort her quite easily. But also, on the other side of it, it means I have to be the one that comforts her.

[00:17:23] Dan 1: Well, I managed to do it last night, but like you say, she has to be on you.

[00:17:27] Tilly: Yeah.

[00:17:28] Dan 1: And

[00:17:28] Dan 1: you've,

[00:17:29] Dan 1: because of breastfeeding, you've got used to kind of sleeping upright with a baby on you.

[00:17:34] Tilly: I mean, it's not comfortable, I never got

[00:17:35] Dan 1: I know it's, but you've kind of

[00:17:36] Dan 1: got used

[00:17:36] Dan 1: to

[00:17:37] Dan 1: it. Whereas for me, I'm like, no, I'm not I'm not, I'm always, so I let her fall asleep on me and then I roll into being kind of in the nook.

[00:17:46] Tilly: that's often what I do, to be honest, now.

[00:17:47] Dan 1: You're tired, baby, go

[00:17:49] Dan 1: to sleep

[00:17:50] Tilly: in a minute. So what about

[00:17:52] Dan 1: So what about you? What's your

[00:17:53] Dan 1: Haslow's funners?

[00:17:56] Tilly: I think the low has to be like, just the whole Kobe situation and like, with Sid and stuff. Like, just generally like, pets not being great this week. Thanks, Ben. And then I've had a really, really busy work week as well. And so I've not been able to sort of like, be with you as much as possible. I was able to take Monday off, which was really nice. Because we thought that was when we were going to say goodbye to Kobe, but that ended up not being the case.

[00:18:18] Tilly: But then it meant sort of the rest of the week I really had to crack down on my work. I

[00:18:21] Tilly: kind of

[00:18:21] Dan 1: I kind of knew that wouldn't be the case because she wouldn't have done it without Theo there, so I probably should have told

[00:18:29] Tilly: I had to really like, crack on with my work, so I was quite busy all week. But also very tired because like you.

[00:18:35] Tilly: said, she's not been sleeping much. She's been really needy. I think that whole thing has been a bit like, uh, a bit much, but

[00:18:40] Tilly: you know.

[00:18:41] Dan 1: almost like you heard last week when I was like we're having a war on sleep and you're like fuck you first mover advantage

[00:18:47] Dan 1: I will attack before you do I would strike my neediness will take out all your energy levels And then you won't

[00:18:54] Dan 1: be bothered.

[00:18:55] Dan 1: So are you doing baby girl? So what you're doing?

[00:18:57] Tilly: Yeah, but like, Again, I don't think

[00:19:02] Tilly: I suffer with the sleep thing as much as you.

[00:19:06] Dan 1: Yeah, I mean I much prefer being tired and doing

[00:19:09] Dan 1: my work and being tired and

[00:19:11] Dan 1: looking

[00:19:12] Tilly: Because

[00:19:12] Dan 1: I mean for me doesn't require

[00:19:14] Dan 1: much dynamism

[00:19:15] Tilly: dynamism.

[00:19:16] Dan 1: As it were, you can, you can foresee what's coming up, you can plan how to do it,

[00:19:21] Dan 1: and

[00:19:21] Dan 1: you do it.

[00:19:22] Tilly: Less so in my work. Still,

[00:19:24] Dan 1: But Still,

[00:19:24] Dan 1: we're, you

[00:19:25] Dan 1: know, there are, there are,

[00:19:27] Dan 1: there are foreseeable, controlled avenues of what is gonna happen, actions and responses, as it were.

[00:19:33] Dan 1: Whereas looking

[00:19:34] Dan 1: after a baby isn't like that

[00:19:36] Dan 1: at all. You just kind of have to try and go with it. And it's hard, it's a lot harder to have the energy and the mental bandwidth to just be like, fuck it, let's go with this.

[00:19:45] Dan 1: When you're really tired

[00:19:46] Tilly: tired. Mm.

[00:19:48] Tilly: then

[00:19:48] Dan 1: when she's not sleeping when she's also really tired and you're really tired You're just like fuck

[00:19:52] Dan 1: you're not sleeping.

[00:19:53] Dan 1: So you're gonna be more tired So you're gonna ruin another night's sleep.

[00:19:56] Dan 1: And so then there's also the frustration of that as well.

[00:19:59] Dan 1: right, check you out

[00:20:02] Tilly: not being like, ooh,

[00:20:03] Dan 1: check

[00:20:03] Tilly: fancy. I just, I just think that stuff gets you to you a lot more than it does get to me.

[00:20:08] Tilly: I'm very

[00:20:08] Tilly: much someone who's just like, just keep going, go on with

[00:20:09] Tilly: it, go on with it, move through, move through, go on with it.

[00:20:12] Tilly: Which is to, you know, it's good and bad.

[00:20:16] Dan 1: on with it. Um, which is the

[00:20:21] Dan 1: good and bad.

[00:20:23] Tilly: No, And can do it at your own pace, whereas I do it

[00:20:27] Dan 1: negatively a lot slower.

[00:20:28] Tilly: And then positives.

[00:20:32] Dan 1: are so tired. the thing has

[00:20:35] Tilly: been I've really enjoyed it.

[00:20:36] Tilly: Yeah, I'm really, I'm really

[00:20:37] Tilly: enjoying the weaning.

[00:20:38] Dan 1: I exciting. exciting. Because obviously everything she's trying for the first time. and being a chef feed is my

[00:20:43] Tilly: thing. And

[00:20:45] Dan 1: it's kind of one of the ways that you

[00:20:46] Dan 1: show love.

[00:20:47] Tilly: Yeah, absolutely it is. So I'm enjoying being able to sort of share mealtimes with her now, it's quite nice.

[00:20:53] Tilly: Plus it means I don't have to have her on me when I'm eating dinner.

[00:20:55] Tilly: Which means I get to eat dinner a bit more enjoyably.

[00:20:58] Dan 1: Instead of the dinner relay that we used to do. Yeah.

[00:21:02] Tilly: What else has been nice this week?

[00:21:04] Tilly: It was nice having my mum over on Thursday. I enjoyed seeing

[00:21:07] Tilly: her. Because she'd have a bit

[00:21:08] Tilly: of a crappy time as well, but it was nice having her over and

[00:21:10] Tilly: she had a good time with Zoe and Nancy and Siddle together. So that was really nice.

[00:21:14] Tilly: Otherwise, no massive highs this week. All with

[00:21:20] Dan 1: yeah, you just have to go.

[00:21:23] Tilly: funnies,

[00:21:24] Tilly: I do just really enjoy how she attacks

[00:21:26] Tilly: some of the food. She does the same thing with her

[00:21:29] Tilly: cuddly toy dinosaur as well.

[00:21:31] Tilly: where she kind of grabs it with both hands and she kind of

[00:21:32] Tilly: goes, ahhh, and almost like motorboats

[00:21:34] Tilly: it if she's that excited

[00:21:36] Tilly: and sort of shoves it in her face.

[00:21:37] Dan 1: But also how everything that she first tastes, she always pulls such a disgusted face at.

[00:21:43] Tilly: It's almost like it's sour. She

[00:21:44] Tilly: always, always kind of goes I don't know. I don't know.

[00:21:46] Dan 1: And then she goes straight back in for more.

[00:21:48] Tilly: Oh yeah. And

[00:21:48] Dan 1: after the first three or four tastes, she's just loving it. She doesn't pull that face anymore.

[00:21:53] Tilly: Like, I think, like, your mum was like, Oh, she doesn't like it. I was like, Oh, no,

[00:21:55] Tilly: no, no,

[00:21:55] Dan 1: Just wait, just wait. She'll keep going back for more.

[00:22:00] Tilly: Yeah. So

[00:22:01] Tilly: that was really fun. I particularly liked seeing how, like, the mango thing, that was just really funny. And, yeah, I think sadly, we can't show the video because we're not showing Bubba's face. Mmm.

[00:22:11] Tilly: She is now getting touchy and tired.

[00:22:13] Dan 1: Hi guys, thank you very much for listening. We really appreciate it. And if you're enjoying it, please let us know by leaving a review or sending us some feedback. The email is blabberingpod at gmail. com. We'd love to hear your stories, any feedback, any news, any thoughts. Also, you can find us on Instagram.

[00:22:35] Dan 1: The handle is Blabbering pod. We're active on there as well. So you could DM us and Yeah, if you've got five seconds, please leave a rating if you've got a bit more Please leave a review the words are very helpful and give us a follow. Cheers. Enjoy the rest of the episode

[00:22:51]

[00:22:53] Dan 1: Okay

[00:22:53] Gotman card decks

---

[00:22:53] Dan 1: .

[00:22:53] Dan 1: So if

[00:22:54] Dan 1: you remember,

[00:22:55] Tilly: a

[00:22:55] Dan 1: few weeks ago, well I meant to do it last week, but a few

[00:22:58] Dan 1: weeks ago we were talking about the Gottman cards.

[00:23:01] Dan 1: So, I downloaded the app

[00:23:04] Dan 1: for the

[00:23:04] Dan 1: card decks, and they've got a set of card decks for bringing baby home.

[00:23:09] Dan 1: So these are all cards regarding once you've got a baby.

[00:23:13] Tilly: Okay.

[00:23:15] Dan 1: so we have a selection of different, I guess, discussion cards,

[00:23:19] Dan 1: which have been

[00:23:19] Dan 1: categorised. We've got Love Maps, Expressing Needs, Parenting Rules, Parenting Love Maps, Open Ended Questions,

[00:23:27] Dan 1: and Softened Startup.

[00:23:30] Dan 1: What would you like to go with? Parenting roles, sorry, not rules.

[00:23:34] Tilly: Peeler's Choice.

[00:23:35] Dan 1: Okay,

[00:23:35] Dan 1: I think

[00:23:36] Dan 1: Softened Startup is probably a good one to start with.

[00:23:39] Dan 1: Soft Startup teaches participants to complain

[00:23:42] Dan 1: without blame and to ask for what they need, whereas a harsh startup

[00:23:45] Dan 1: occurs when partners raise

[00:23:46] Dan 1: issues using criticism or contempt. Maybe that's not as easy to go for the start point. Maybe expressing needs.

[00:23:54] Dan 1: Expressing needs. Throughout your life, your needs will change. This is one exercise to identify needs you have at any given time, then give one another permission to share needs, because when needs are not expressed, negativity and conflict increase.

[00:24:09] Dan 1: Alternatively, Parenting Love Maps. The purpose of this exercise is for you to learn about your partner's views on various parenting topics.

[00:24:16] Dan 1: Which one of those three do you want to go

[00:24:17] Dan 1: for?

[00:24:19] Dan 1: Okay, so begin.

[00:24:20] Dan 1: Question one. Okay, so how to use the deck. Review the Expressing Needs prompts and select one that describes a need that you currently have. During your turn as the speaker, explain the need to your partner, giving as much information as possible.

[00:24:32] Dan 1: As

[00:24:32] Dan 1: the listener, try to make an action

[00:24:34] Dan 1: plan for how you will help meet your partner's needs.

[00:24:37] Dan 1: Alternate between each prompt.

[00:24:40] Tilly: you some. First one First one is I need you to share doing chores with me.

[00:24:47] Dan 1: I think that's probably the other way around.

[00:24:49] Dan 1: Yeah,

[00:24:50] Dan 1: yeah, I need you to remind me to do chores. And I know that That can be a bit confrontational at times, because you'll remind me, and the only times when I have time to

[00:25:02] Dan 1: do them, I don't really want to do them,

[00:25:04] Dan 1: so I can be a bit like, Oh, go away!

[00:25:08] Dan 1: and so, it's

[00:25:09] Dan 1: not fun for you which I'm sorry about.

[00:25:12] Dan 1: How about you?

[00:25:14] Dan 1: I need you to sh do sh To share doing chores with me, what's

[00:25:18] Tilly: I think I just need us to come up with something that works that is actually realistic because we said like a few weeks ago that you were going to do daily stuff and I would

[00:25:25] Tilly: do big stuff.

[00:25:27] Tilly: And you're doing some of that.

[00:25:28] Dan 1: What's the daily stuff that I'm missing?

[00:25:31] Tilly: the big thing to make the house just feel better is just resetting every day. So you're going around and like, in the bedroom and stuff, you make the bed and that's, that's, that's brilliant. But it's also things like making sure the clothes are put away, nothing, there's not just nappies left on the floor. Things are just put back away and neat and tidy.

[00:25:44] Tilly: Not just because you think, oh, I'm going to be using them again.

[00:25:46] Tilly: I'm just going to leave them

[00:25:46] Tilly: out because it's easier. Just put things back nice and tidy and neat.

[00:25:50] Tilly: But actually there's not masses to do. If you do that every day, the house doesn't

[00:25:54] Dan 1: I do that in the kitchen.

[00:25:55] Tilly: You do it in the kitchen like fairly well. I do

[00:25:58] Dan 1: do it regularly in the kitchen, the problem is

[00:26:01] Dan 1: The last thing we do is I cook dinner,

[00:26:03] Tilly: there's

[00:26:03] Dan 1: and then there's all the, the sleep routine takes over me, then resetting again. And so often all the dinner stuff gets left out or not fully put away. But I do do it regularly

[00:26:14] Dan 1: in the kitchen.

[00:26:15] Dan 1: It just,

[00:26:16] Dan 1: our schedule doesn't allow me to do it.

[00:26:20] Dan 1: Before we go to bed. do it before we to bed. You know, put cushions back on the sofa. If there are things on the floor, pick them up. Put things back, like they're meant to be in the pram, put them back in the pram. Don't just leave things all over

[00:26:38] Tilly: the kitchen table.

[00:26:39] Tilly: That's, the dining room table. Yeah, I dining room table

[00:26:43] Dan 1: I do leave is a bit of a

[00:26:45] Tilly: Yeah, because it's not a

[00:26:45] Tilly: dumping ground.

[00:26:47] Dan 1: It is.

[00:26:47] Tilly: It's not.

[00:26:48] Dan 1: It's a dumping surface.

[00:26:49] Tilly: now that we're having dinner with her, I wouldn't have to know that's the place we eat dinner.

[00:26:53] Dan 1: And we change her arse.

[00:26:54] Tilly: Yeah, I know we changed our ass, but like, that's because

[00:26:56] Dan 1: Exactly where we eat dinner. Exactly where her

[00:26:58] Tilly: we don't have anyone else to do it, so it makes sense for us to do that.

[00:27:00] Tilly: And it's

[00:27:01] Tilly: not a

[00:27:01] Tilly: perfect system, darling. , and so I think that's

[00:27:03] Tilly: important. It's just staying on top of those things. It's literally just as simple as putting things away.

[00:27:09] Tilly: As you go.

[00:27:09] Dan 1: do Parenting love maps. Let's

[00:27:14] Dan 1: Okay, the

[00:27:14] Dan 1: parents love map. The parents love

[00:27:16] Dan 1: maps is an alternative card deck that

[00:27:19] Dan 1: has

[00:27:19] Dan 1: more child specific questions and

[00:27:21] Dan 1: allows you to share knowledge about

[00:27:22] Dan 1: your child. Choose one person to start by selecting a question, reading it aloud, and then trying to answer it.

[00:27:27] Dan 1: After you give your answer, your partner either says yes, that's right, or if needed, gently corrects the answer. Alternate back and forth answering the questions. Okay, Neruno. How does your partner feel about giving your child an allowance? Oh, this is interesting.

[00:27:43] Dan 1: I think you, blanket allowance, no.

[00:27:48] Dan 1: And I think your view is that you, you, you work for effectively pocket money.

[00:27:53] Dan 1: Well, we've come to a somewhat agreement on work for pocket money, but you also believe that your child should Just work, irrespective of

[00:27:59] Tilly: believe that

[00:28:00] Tilly: the child should Just work. irrespective of what

[00:28:05] Tilly: problem is. Whereas,

[00:28:06] Dan 1: Whereas, I'm On the antithesis of that, I think that

[00:28:11] Dan 1: chores should be done for a ward to teach your kids, well, basically to fucking offshore as much shit as you

[00:28:19] Dan 1: can outsource it all to your kids and just basically have like a literal job

[00:28:23] Dan 1: to payment list.

[00:28:25] Dan 1: And if your

[00:28:25] Dan 1: kids want money,

[00:28:27] Dan 1: Blast

[00:28:27] Dan 1: that list and I'll give you your money

[00:28:29] Tilly: is my is my view of

[00:28:30] Dan 1: it

[00:28:31] Tilly: I guess my view is

[00:28:32] Dan 1: and and it teaches them to be resourceful because if they

[00:28:35] Dan 1: Can find quicker ways to do it to the quality they get paid and it takes less time They want to be like really lazy slumly teenage man takes it for four hours Then fine you still only get the same amount of money in

[00:28:48] Dan 1: But yeah,

[00:28:49] Tilly: No, I, and I, I definitely agree with you and I think it's really good to learn the value of money before you can get a proper job.

[00:28:54] Tilly: so I absolutely agree with you. Paying for tasks being done. I just think there's a

[00:28:58] Tilly: certain there should be levels to it There's certain tasks that should just be done blanketly because that's part of being part of a household, you know You don't you, shouldn't need a reward for that

[00:29:07] Dan 1: So what counts as one of those then?

[00:29:09] Tilly: Like cleaning your room.

[00:29:11] Tilly: cleaning and tidying your room.

[00:29:12] Tilly: It's just something you just do

[00:29:14] Tilly: that are your own mess you, 100 percent should do.

[00:29:18] Dan 1: Things that are just generally to keep the family functional. I think it becomes a bit of a question of like, at what point do they need to learn that you, you, you need to have social responsibility irrespective of

[00:29:30] Dan 1: private gain as, as it were.

[00:29:32] Dan 1: So, but you know, you know, it's hard to just force a

[00:29:38] Dan 1: tweenager to do shit

[00:29:39] Tilly: did it. You know, we never got paid for our chores in our household. It was just blanketly expected and we did it.

[00:29:44] Dan 1: Theo I know definitely got paid for jobs.

[00:29:47] Tilly: think it depends how you, like, we, my mum started us on chores, very low level from the get go. As soon as we

[00:29:54] Dan 1: what was missed out

[00:29:55] Tilly: And I think if you don't do that,

[00:29:56] Tilly: then it becomes a bigger deal. Because you're not used to it, so you're like, well, why do I have to do it

[00:29:58] Tilly: now? Mm.

[00:30:01] Dan 1: starting kids helping out early and then it's not seen as chores It's just seen as like helping out

[00:30:06] Tilly: I don't think the word chores is, is great. I think it should just be that,

[00:30:09] Tilly: this is how I

[00:30:10] Tilly: participate in my family, this is how I support my family. We're a unit, we

[00:30:13] Tilly: work together.

[00:30:16] Tilly: so

[00:30:16] Dan 1: think like you're sort of the the general

[00:30:19] Dan 1: the

[00:30:19] Dan 1: general sort of daily stuff, I don't necessarily think reward for as it were, but stuff that's like,

[00:30:26] Dan 1: Stuff that's

[00:30:27] Tilly: more

[00:30:28] Dan 1: of has to be done once a week

[00:30:30] Dan 1: than Yeah,

[00:30:30] Dan 1: like, you know, mopping.

[00:30:32] Tilly: the car.

[00:30:33] Dan 1: Yeah,

[00:30:34] Tilly: absolutely a task that we can

[00:30:35] Tilly: pair like mowing the garden, those sorts of things, cleaning the windows, those sorts of things, I'm

[00:30:41] Tilly: absolutely fine because they're bigger jobs, they're not as frequent, and they do seem more like a job.

[00:30:46] Dan 1: Yeah.

[00:30:47] Tilly: Whereas just generally keeping the house,

[00:30:49] Dan 1: dishwasher.

[00:30:50] Tilly: Yeah. just generally keeping the house in good order,

[00:30:52] Tilly: that's, that's just part of being part of

[00:30:53] Tilly: a family.

[00:30:54] Dan 1: righty. We're, we're agreed. And

[00:30:56] Tilly: Okay. And I love that little like, you know, the little Henry thing you can get,

[00:31:00] Tilly: the little card that teaches them how to manage

[00:31:01] Tilly: money. That's really good.

[00:31:03] Tilly: I

[00:31:04] Dan 1: to do, and I want to know what your view is,

[00:31:06] Tilly: think about how it's going to be fun.

[00:31:07] Dan 1: when she's got an older sibling, sorry when, she's never going to have an older sibling unless we adopt someone older than her, when she's got a younger sibling,

[00:31:17] Dan 1: she manages the younger sibling. And she gets paid a

[00:31:20] Dan 1: certain amount of what the younger sibling

[00:31:23] Tilly: doing their, like, jobs? Because she's already done the Yeah, Because she's already

[00:31:27] Dan 1: done the jobs. She knows

[00:31:28] Dan 1: what quality they should be done to.

[00:31:31] Dan 1: And she knows,

[00:31:31] Dan 1: because I think no one's ever taught delegation

[00:31:34] Dan 1: or how to like manage performance as a team.

[00:31:37] Dan 1: And you get to uni and you have to do stupid shitting group projects. And you've got some cunt who doesn't do anything.

[00:31:44] Dan 1: And you do everything.

[00:31:45] Dan 1: And you don't really know how to manage anyone. And so you just sat there kind of. Going along with it. Yes, seething, but doing it anyway,

[00:31:54] Dan 1: and you don't really know kind of how to influence people to get results

[00:31:58] Dan 1: And And so I think that's a very good way of

[00:32:00] Tilly: doing it.

[00:32:01] Tilly: teaching kids to be a lot more entrepreneurial as well because you you learn how to

[00:32:05] Dan 1: manage

[00:32:05] Dan 1: resources to get To reach I think definitely, again, I think you do it with certain tasks, so things, like it might be that once a week they cook dinner, and so Zoe might manage her younger sibling with cooking dinner, so together they cook dinner,

[00:32:17] Tilly: so maybe her little sibling peels a

[00:32:19] Tilly: carrot, but Zoe does

[00:32:21] Tilly: something else. yeah, yeah,

[00:32:21] Tilly: yeah. That sort of thing.

[00:32:23] Dan 1: but I mean like let's say Zoe's 10 and her younger siblings

[00:32:26] Dan 1: 8. Zoe can instruct how

[00:32:29] Dan 1: to hoover the house or how to, you know, how to mop the floors or you know, start doing Isolated pieces like window cleaning and

[00:32:37] Dan 1: these sorts of things.

[00:32:39] Dan 1: The, the

[00:32:39] Dan 1: isolated jobs, things like a full car clean is probably a lot to just, to work out

[00:32:44] Dan 1: how to chunk it

[00:32:44] Dan 1: down

[00:32:45] Dan 1: to pieces and then delegate it.

[00:32:47] Dan 1: But I think that you never really learn that as a kid.

[00:32:50] Tilly: I think you're right. I think it's a good point. I think my only bit on this is how we do that with the younger sibling. How

[00:32:55] Tilly: would they learn their skills?

[00:32:56] Dan 1: Adopt. Just have

[00:32:57] Tilly: Then how, then how?

[00:32:59] Dan 1: Not my problem, not my

[00:33:00] Dan 1: genetic child.

[00:33:01] Tilly: Oh, oh.

[00:33:02] Tilly: It's to come off.

[00:33:03] Dan 1: Oh. Oh. Fuckin hell, this is sexy.

[00:33:07] Tilly: is it?

[00:33:09] Dan 1: I'm fu Oh my gosh.

[00:33:10] Tilly: Oh, it definitely pulling off my hair.

[00:33:13] Dan 1: You're like some sort of weird golden snake. You

[00:33:15] Tilly: I let Peter

[00:33:16] Dan 1: fuckin red.

[00:33:18] Tilly: Hurts. Hurts. Feeling

[00:33:19] Tilly: off. meant to leave it on this long.

[00:33:21] Dan 1: but

[00:33:22] Dan 1: you knew we were gonna record the podcast. What was your

[00:33:24] Dan 1: plan?

[00:33:24] Tilly: what's the point of this

[00:33:29] Dan 1: your face.

[00:33:29] Tilly: interesting question.

[00:33:31] Dan 1: Yeah.

[00:33:32] Tilly: learn? You

[00:33:33] Dan 1: It's an interesting question. How did they then learn how to do it? They have to teach the dog how to do it.

[00:33:38] Tilly: Teach us how to do it. I know we know how

[00:33:43] Tilly: to do it, but

[00:33:44] Dan 1: Yeah, it's an interesting one. I'll have to

[00:33:46] Dan 1: think about it. I'll have to think about

[00:33:48] Dan 1: it. Do you have any thoughts on it.

[00:33:50] Tilly: I think it's a good idea I think we have to think about

[00:33:52] Tilly: how I did it and what I did it with but I think I

[00:33:54] Tilly: think the premise behind It is really good to teach How to manage and delegate

[00:33:57] Tilly: is important, but that's also

[00:33:58] Tilly: why I think

[00:33:59] Dan 1: Everyone knows the second one's the more useless one. So just lean into it.

[00:34:04] Tilly: But I think, I think what's also helpful is that you can, how it could work with younger sibling and also

[00:34:08] Tilly: how you can further support that with Zo, is like, we were all made to volunteer from a very young age. So we did voluntary stuff, particularly in like youth clubs. So from the age of like 15, I was running a youth club with another group of like committee of people my age.

[00:34:22] Dan 1: yeah.

[00:34:23] Tilly: And

[00:34:23] Tilly: so with that you learn management, delegation.

[00:34:27] Dan 1: Yeah, I

[00:34:27] Dan 1: think that's a

[00:34:27] Dan 1: good idea if you

[00:34:28] Tilly: So, I think that's really important, courage outside of the home as well. Because it's one thing doing it with your family. Yeah.

[00:34:34] Tilly: Doing it with people that either you don't know, or just, like, just aren't your family, I think is

[00:34:39] Tilly: a good thing. It's a great thing to do as well.

[00:34:42] Dan 1: you can't just go i'm gonna tell mom

[00:34:45] Tilly: Yeah, because that was really helpful to

[00:34:45] Tilly: me, for sure.

[00:34:49] Dan 1: Okay,

[00:34:50] Dan 1: that's that one.

[00:34:50] Tilly: How does your partner feel about having your child sleep in your bed or in the same room with you? Hates

[00:35:02] Dan 1: Very much

[00:35:02] Dan 1: over it at the six month

[00:35:03] Dan 1: mark

[00:35:04] Tilly: I think both of us are not

[00:35:06] Tilly: parents who want to have a kid in bed with

[00:35:08] Dan 1: Fuck no when I

[00:35:09] Dan 1: hear about people are like, oh

[00:35:10] Dan 1: like for example, it came up on Shagged, Married, Annoyed,

[00:35:15] Dan 1: and I was like, your kid's like three, why are they still in the same room?

[00:35:19] Dan 1: Obviously, I don't think it was a permanent

[00:35:21] Dan 1: thing, but like,

[00:35:23] Dan 1: unless Zoe's ill, or unless, you know, there is something seriously going

[00:35:29] Dan 1: on, I don't care if it's nightmares, We'll go into your room, we'll turn the light on, we'll explore whatever the issue is,

[00:35:35] Dan 1: we'll turn

[00:35:36] Dan 1: the light back off, I will stay with you, you will go to sleep, and I will go back to my own bed.

[00:35:40] Dan 1: not gonna do this fucking bullshit of like, Oh yeah, come climb into my bed and kick me while I try and

[00:35:45] Tilly: I agree. My parents eat. Tell me I sweet. They'll be better sex like they fucking won't be.

[00:35:49] Dan 1: No.

[00:35:50] Tilly: No. like I think you should absolutely support your child and be there for them, you know, comfort them, but they do need to learn to sleep by themselves.

[00:35:58] Tilly: Also, you end up waking each other up so everyone gets worse. Sleep

[00:36:01] Dan 1: Yeah. I mean, we're currently experiencing that and

[00:36:03] Dan 1: she's six months

[00:36:04] Tilly: Yeah, and you know, we struggled and you don't have that intimate time. When she went down the other night.

[00:36:08] Tilly: and we had like half an hour maybe.

[00:36:10] Tilly: Yeah. We were like, mm. Cuddling and it was so nice.

[00:36:12] Dan 1: and we'd be like, Mmm, spooning, this is what life used to be

[00:36:15] Tilly: Oh, so lovely. Then we're just like.

[00:36:19] Dan 1: off!

[00:36:19] Tilly: Am I dreaming it?

[00:36:22] Dan 1: Is this the first night I've cried out? Now you look like

[00:36:26] Dan 1: you're wearing a really shit Mexican wrestling mask.

[00:36:28] Tilly: don't I? What would my Mexican wrestling name be then?

[00:36:33] Dan 1: Goldador.

[00:36:34] Tilly: Mamagold. No. think that's how you feel about

[00:36:37] Tilly: sleeping in

[00:36:38] Dan 1: yep, you got that right.

[00:36:39] Tilly: don't

[00:36:40] Tilly: think either of us have an issue with co sleeping at the beginning.

[00:36:43] Dan 1: oh yeah, completely. It's very important in the beginning.

[00:36:46] Tilly: By one

[00:36:49] Tilly: year, Elantris

[00:36:53] Dan 1: year, I want her sleeping the vast majority of the time in her own bed. In her own cockpit.

[00:37:00] Tilly: books.

[00:37:01] Dan 1: Well, that's the

[00:37:01] Dan 1: thing. People, People, are like, Oh, yeah, you can maybe choose to start

[00:37:04] Dan 1: sleep training at like the nine

[00:37:05] Dan 1: month mark.

[00:37:06] Dan 1: And then maybe, you know,

[00:37:08] Dan 1: you, you know, it goes on and off and you keep trying.

[00:37:11] Dan 1: I'm like, fuck,

[00:37:11] Tilly: fully aware it's not going to be a linear progression. We're gonna, it's gonna go, we're gonna

[00:37:15] Tilly: do well, then it's gonna go shit, then we're gonna do well,

[00:37:18] Dan 1: But by the time I'm back to work, I don't want to be thinking to

[00:37:21] Dan 1: myself when I'm going to be my tired days, when I'm going to be my, like, awake days, I want generally to be well rested at work. It's fine if there are some days where it's like, yeah, didn't get good night's sleep. Exactly. But not just every night.

[00:37:35] Dan 1: Exactly.

[00:37:36] Dan 1: Do one more card. Choose another,

[00:37:38] Dan 1: choose the other set. Softened startup. Let's go. Okay.

[00:37:42] Dan 1: Each of the following examples lists a want and a harsh startup statement. Go through each

[00:37:46] Dan 1: example and read aloud the harsh startup statement.

[00:37:49] Dan 1: Take turns suggesting soft startup

[00:37:51] Dan 1: alternatives for each example until the card deck is complete. Oh, we won't, we won't

[00:37:55] Tilly: the left. Okay. your attention.

[00:37:57] Dan 1: okay. Topic. Attention.

[00:37:59] Dan 1: Want. Your partner has not been paying enough attention to you lately.

[00:38:03] Dan 1: Harsh sentence you are so emotionally unavailable.

[00:38:07] Dan 1: Yes. What is the

[00:38:08] Tilly: is, what is the more, better they

[00:38:11] Dan 1: what is what is the more? Soft the better way to choose

[00:38:16] Tilly: you, so maybe like, I've been feeling

[00:38:19] Dan 1: Yeah,

[00:38:20] Tilly: You know,

[00:38:20] Dan 1: I

[00:38:21] Tilly: like I need a bit more attention at the

[00:38:22] Tilly: moment, or something like that.

[00:38:24] Tilly: valuable,

[00:38:25] Dan 1: at this not emotionally not not like, you know if it matters I pay attention to

[00:38:29] Tilly: but I'm

[00:38:30] Dan 1: but I'm

[00:38:31] Dan 1: so It's so important to me to just focus, because I don't, you know, I don't like to give things 70 percent of my attention and have 10

[00:38:40] Dan 1: percent elsewhere, 10

[00:38:42] Dan 1: just

[00:38:44] Dan 1: 100 percent of one thing.

[00:38:46] Dan 1: And so sometimes you'll come in and

[00:38:47] Dan 1: you'll be like, are you all right? And I'm like, yes, I'm just trying to fucking

[00:38:51] Dan 1: listen to something,

[00:38:52] Dan 1: whatever. And

[00:38:53] Dan 1: I get very easily agitated

[00:38:55] Tilly: And

[00:38:56] Dan 1: if I

[00:38:56] Dan 1: can't. And, and you, you

[00:38:58] Dan 1: think that I'm, Like upset about something and it's more than I'm trying to work out whether it's worth addressing the fact that I'm trying to focus Whether I just sort of leave it and hope that it goes away Because I'm aware that sometimes I can then just be an arsehole

[00:39:12] Tilly: Yeah, you can, yeah. I'm

[00:39:14] Dan 1: i'm trying to fucking focus on

[00:39:16] Dan 1: this thing um

[00:39:17] Dan 1: So yeah

[00:39:18] Tilly: I think that's true.

[00:39:19] Tilly: I think, definitely, we have to get better. Because both of us quite a lot like to be focused on things, but just not as realistic now, you want to be part of a unit.

[00:39:29] Dan 1: Yeah, I guess are there times when

[00:39:32] Dan 1: how how frequently would you say you don't feel like you're being paid enough attention?

[00:39:37] Tilly: it's that.

[00:39:38] Tilly: I think, As a person, and this sound a bit harsh,

[00:39:44] Tilly: I don't know, a bit strong you always think what you're doing is the most important thing, or what your priority is the most important priority, and you struggle to

[00:39:49] Dan 1: that's fair

[00:39:50] Tilly: think

[00:39:50] Tilly: about someone else's priority could be just as important, or whatever.

[00:39:54] Tilly: let's

[00:39:54] Dan 1: to accept the priorities are

[00:39:56] Dan 1: subjective

[00:39:57] Tilly: Yes. think

[00:39:59] Dan 1: everybody should rank things the way I rank things

[00:40:01] Tilly: I think that's, yeah. So think that's, that can often be, that can often be the issue, so I'm honestly a bit, because you don't think it's important. You won't do it, or you won't give it attention, or you don't want to talk about it, or like, whatever. Because it's not what you

[00:40:14] Tilly: want to be focusing on, it's not, or you don't see the value in I

[00:40:18] Dan 1: I was actually, somehow this came to my mind

[00:40:20] Dan 1: midweek, I was thinking about this and I was thinking about the fact that

[00:40:24] Dan 1: I

[00:40:24] Dan 1: think it's quite important

[00:40:25] Dan 1: when you're

[00:40:27] Dan 1: being, when

[00:40:28] Dan 1: you're managing or being

[00:40:29] Dan 1: managed

[00:40:31] Tilly: your

[00:40:31] Dan 1: priorities are and to

[00:40:33] Dan 1: some degree why obviously don't like, because I

[00:40:36] Dan 1: think there's often always just this

[00:40:38] Dan 1: expectation that whenever you're given a task

[00:40:41] Dan 1: It is the kind of the main thing as it were.

[00:40:45] Dan 1: And also like when you're working with someone, you kind of expect that they're just doing it the

[00:40:50] Dan 1: same amount that you're

[00:40:51] Dan 1: doing it

[00:40:52] Dan 1: when in reality they might have like

[00:40:53] Dan 1: 10 other things going on. That's the least

[00:40:54] Dan 1: important thing. So you're running around being like, I'm fucking

[00:40:57] Dan 1: changing the world.

[00:40:58] Dan 1: And they're going, Oh fuck, this guy keeps begging me for this bullshit.

[00:41:02] Dan 1: And so you're just running at this two different levels.

[00:41:05] Dan 1: And then that creates frustration because your expectations are completely

[00:41:08] Dan 1: off.

[00:41:09] Dan 1: I think that that's something that we definitely.

[00:41:12] Dan 1: Need to do because for example, like podcast stuff for me hitting base metrics is Absolutely paramount

[00:41:19] Dan 1: for you. It's like this is a nice to have

[00:41:22] Tilly: yeah, that's fair You know

[00:41:24] Dan 1: if if we're gonna do it, I don't want it to ruin other areas of my life Whereas for me, a lot of things I'm like if I'm gonna do them I'm gonna do them properly.

[00:41:31] Dan 1: Otherwise, I don't want to do them.

[00:41:33] Dan 1: And so that that's

[00:41:34] Dan 1: you know one case here

[00:41:36] Dan 1: Where I think our priorities are different as well.

[00:41:39] Tilly: that's true. Yeah. Maybe we need to come up with like a a metric for our priorities. So like, if I want to talk about, No, if I want to talk about something, but you're like focused on something else, I might go, this is a priority three. Yeah. And you can go, okay, mine currently is priority five for me.

[00:41:53] Tilly: Can I come back to you

[00:41:54] Tilly: Oh actually, you know.

[00:41:56] Dan 1: Yeah.

[00:41:56] Tilly: But that will mean you'll have to

[00:41:58] Dan 1: Engage.

[00:41:59] Tilly: One, engage. And not be quite so absolute. Not everything you do has to be, is going to be able to be like, your top level.

[00:42:09] Tilly: because obviously you are a drama

[00:42:10] Tilly: queen. Um,

[00:42:11] Dan 1: of a dump. Oh, did you have

[00:42:15] Scatchat

---

[00:42:15]

[00:42:15] Tilly: Hi, my lovelies. Thank you for listening. Can you please like review and subscribe to our podcast?

[00:42:22] Dan 1: a contact with Ursula? No,

[00:42:27] Tilly: Oh. As a part of Skiddy a pa pa! Skatcha! We've also got,

[00:42:33] Tilly: I don't know, Golden Shower's chat,

[00:42:35] Tilly: We, she's been doing some hefty nappies, and finally today we decided we're gonna weigh her big old nappy. Yeah. now, we're trying to keep her one right? Yeah, we're trying to get her used to it.

[00:42:49] Tilly: Now she's on a bigger nappy,

[00:42:49] Tilly: just sleeping through the night with the one nappy. As a sort of way to minimize the wake up times, make them less disruptive.

[00:42:57] Tilly: And obviously, like, when she wanted to sleep through the night, that means she is going to sometimes have a wet nappy when she's sleeping.

[00:43:02] Tilly: So today we took her nappy off, and it was like a champion one, we felt, didn't it?

[00:43:06] Tilly: It felt like some serious heft to it, and so I was like, go on then, guess the weight. It's a fun, it's a way to entertain ourselves now and so you guessed, what, 200?

[00:43:14] Dan 1: I tend to over guess, I'm not very good with weights,

[00:43:17] Tilly: And so I was like, no, that's more than that. So I said 350. Went through and weighed it and

[00:43:23] Tilly: 345. Yeah,

[00:43:25] Dan 1: Yeah, you were pretty much

[00:43:26] Dan 1: bang

[00:43:26] Tilly: I'm generally not great at guessing the mass of things.

[00:43:29] Tilly: It's not a talent of mine. So yeah, that was, that was our champion one of the week, or at least I say that. I think it, from what, we didn't weigh any of the ones, but it felt the heaviest, for sure.

[00:43:41] Tilly: was at max capacity, I'd say.

[00:43:43] Dan 1: It definitely was. It started leaking, in fact, in the morning. Her, her baby girl had a bit of I hope you haven't put the same blue thing off. No, that had a bit of piss in it.

[00:43:55] Dan 1: It

[00:43:55] Dan 1: was one of those where I, as I was trying to seal it by tightening the sides, I was worried that it was going to start

[00:44:00] Dan 1: just squeezing piss out, so I

[00:44:02] Dan 1: couldn't

[00:44:03] Tilly: squeezing piss on

[00:44:04] Tilly: me.

[00:44:05] Dan 1: Okay, skit chat time. Now,

[00:44:07] Tilly: not, again, not

[00:44:09] Dan 1: yes, quite funnily, we, it's not, again, it's more piss chat. Yesterday I was trying to, it's very

[00:44:18] Dan 1: dist, very distracting while I'm trying

[00:44:21] Dan 1: to talk to you if you just keep

[00:44:23] Tilly: I'm not going to, sorry. But this

[00:44:25] Tilly: is funny.

[00:44:26] Dan 1: It's funny as you rip parts of your

[00:44:29] Dan 1: face

[00:44:29] Tilly: I won't rip, go. then you're third

[00:44:32] Tilly: league too.

[00:44:35] Dan 1: on. Yes, was it yesterday?

[00:44:37] Dan 1: Yeah, I think so. We've done some weaning.

[00:44:41] Dan 1: And, so, now, she's having loads of washes and she's now pretty much the perfect size for the sink, the kitchen

[00:44:46] Dan 1: sink, which is

[00:44:47] Dan 1: great because you just kind of feed her her food, she literally throws it all over her body

[00:44:52] Dan 1: and then you just quickly

[00:44:54] Dan 1: run the kitchen sink, put her in, splash her down, change the

[00:44:56] Tilly: diaper.

[00:44:57] Dan 1: And, so I did that, now my mum

[00:45:00] Dan 1: was over, so

[00:45:01] Dan 1: I just washed her,

[00:45:02] Dan 1: put her

[00:45:02] Dan 1: in the kitchen sink,

[00:45:03] Dan 1: cleaned her,

[00:45:04] Dan 1: and then

[00:45:04] Dan 1: I was carrying her back through naked, because I'd left half the chaining stuff back in the, um,

[00:45:09] Dan 1: the

[00:45:09] Dan 1: living room.

[00:45:10] Dan 1: And then my mum started talking to me, so I had put the naked baby down on the floor.

[00:45:16] Tilly: paying much attention,

[00:45:17] Dan 1: I wasn't really paying much attention,

[00:45:18] Dan 1: and she just started peeing I was like, Fuck, I've

[00:45:21] Dan 1: literally

[00:45:21] Dan 1: just washed you!

[00:45:23] Dan 1: And

[00:45:23] Dan 1: so she just started, and she's done that before, but peed just before I got, peed over the, well, over the kitchen counter, and then I had to spray them down because I've been transporting it, it had to be washed in the sink.

[00:45:33] Dan 1: So we've had a few, pisses en route, or,

[00:45:35] Tilly: but You've got to get right in there then

[00:45:37] Dan 1: just dunked her straight back in the water after

[00:45:39] Dan 1: that and then changed her immediately instead of letting my mother distract

[00:45:44] Dan 1: me so these are more

[00:45:45] Dan 1: potty training. At what point do we start potty

[00:45:47] Dan 1: training?

[00:45:49] Tilly: do it whenever you want not

[00:45:52] Tilly: for while generally.

[00:45:53] Dan 1: So,

[00:45:55] Dan 1: boot camp dropout. We did potty

[00:45:58] Dan 1: training

[00:45:58] Dan 1: boot camp 2. And at the end of day 1, after 13 accidents, my son looked at me and said,

[00:46:05] Dan 1: I don't

[00:46:05] Dan 1: think this is working.

[00:46:07] Tilly: way

[00:46:08] Dan 1: okay. we've got to

[00:46:10] Tilly: do is think

[00:46:11] Tilly: about

[00:46:12] Tilly: it. pretty as well. I think that's pretty much everything you do with your kids when you're trying to teach them something.

[00:46:19] Tilly: I mean, we've got Bank

[00:46:19] Dan 1: Times tables! Lock yourself in.

[00:46:21] Tilly: weekend.

[00:46:22] Tilly: I think,

[00:46:23] Tilly: we just go ham.

[00:46:25] Tilly: So am I doing this bag of shame.

[00:46:27] Dan 1: us stuff in.

[00:46:28] Tilly: bag of shame.

[00:46:29] Dan 1: Yeah. To the bag of shame.

[00:46:31] Dan 1: of mine, who shall remain nameless, had a really hard time potty training. Especially, Pooping.

[00:46:38] Dan 1: okay.

[00:46:39] Tilly: Believe it or not, potty training was really easy. and uneventful. He was only about 18 months old, and I got him Ninja Turtle underwear and he would do

[00:46:47] Tilly: anything to avoid messing them up.

[00:46:49] Dan 1: only catch is that

[00:46:50] Tilly: the only catch is that

[00:46:51] Tilly: he would strip down and pop a squat outside if he was busy playing. Hey!

[00:46:56] Dan 1: if he was really that. Obviously. But,

[00:47:03] Dan 1: obnoxious. He's a dick, isn't he?

[00:47:09] Dan 1: But if I'm, if I need a wee, and I've papoosed her in, I'm not going to go to the toilet, I'm just going to go do it in the garden. Because I can find my dick, but I can't see to point. If I'm in the garden, it doesn't really matter where I point. Yeah, so the problem will be when her legs get longer and she just kicks and I'm like fuck just covered a foot in piss

[00:47:28] Tilly: she just kicks pussy feet.

[00:47:30] Dan 1: Then I'll have to undress there and do it all and I'll be like, okay now

[00:47:33] Tilly: This is teachers who be like, legs up!

[00:47:36] Dan 1: Get your core strength otherwise get pissed on

[00:47:38] Dan 1: all righty on that bombshell

[00:47:41] Tilly: Have a nice day!

[00:47:42] Dan 1: Yeah, bye bye