00:00:07 Archita: What if the thing you're calling discipline problem is actually an identity problem like your habits are in failing you. Your nervous system is just trying to stay loyal to an older version of you. Today we are talking about the identity shift that changes everything. Without forcing, faking, or performing.

00:00:31 Archita: Welcome back to Inner Peace, better health where we connect the inner world to the body. Gently and honestly, I am. And today I am joined by Misun. Oh. Misun integrates nearly twenty years as an educator with over fifteen years of spiritual and inner work, inner healing work, supporting thousands of families, especially conscious mothers who are tired of playing small. Our topic is the identity shift that changes everything. So if you have ever felt like you know what to do, but you are not living it consistently, this conversation will give you language, clarity and a softer way forward. So Mason, Welcome to inner peace, better health. It's it's so great to have you today.

00:01:19 Misun Oh: Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. And thank you for the beautiful introduction.

00:01:25 Archita: Yeah. The pleasure is all mine. And I'm really looking forward to have this conversation with you. So without wasting any time, let's dive into it. Um, before we go into the big shift, I am curious, uh, what was that, uh, moment when you realized that, uh, you know, wait, I'm not fully living what I know. And what did it feel like in your body when that truth landed?

00:01:51 Misun Oh: Yeah. Thank you for asking that. I mean, there are so many moments, you know, um, because it's over. Like when I became a mom, I was already over ten years of spirituality, really deep, intense spiritual work. So I thought I was ready and I had probably all the information I need to know as a as an intellectual information. But there are so many moments that, you know, my small step comes out playing like a child, you know, but it's just like always. I used to talk to myself. I'm just a human being. I'm not perfect. That's okay. And then one day, um, you know, I was driving a car with my son. Uh, he was probably three or something. Um, and then he started crying. And in that moment, I just couldn't bear the sound for a second. So I pulled over my car and I looked at him. I yelled at him. I mean, honestly, it wasn't the first time to yell at him. Uh, it happened many times before that. But I think, you know, God, I, I call it God not as a religious way, but, you know, something higher than me. Something greater than me. I think God just showed me what it really means at the moment when I look into his eyes. You know, just his whole body was frozen by that, um, by me yelling. And what I saw was, it's not only his own fear, but I saw my own fear in his eyes as a child, which I carried for most of my life. The fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being left out, fear of being alone. Like that kind of fear. I carried it for most of my life. And you know, I know the pain to live with that fear. And I know how that fear impacted in every area of my life, especially relationships. And you know which one time it really led me to like, really like end my life. So I that just that moment when God showed me. Wow. What I'm doing now. He's gonna carry this fear with him. And I cannot do it. I cannot let him live with that pain. So I don't know what I can do because I'm doing everything I could do at that time. You know, I read tons of parenting books and implemented a lot of tools, like memorize the parenting scripts and like attended workshops, took courses. So I don't know what I could do more, but I made it really genuine inner commitment, whatever it takes. I'm going to end this here with me. I'm not gonna, uh, post, uh, pass this pain into onto my son's life. This ends with me. Yeah, that was the moment.

00:05:13 Archita: Wow. And that's that's powerful. You know, um, that realization is powerful. And, um, I'm really glad that you realized it when you did. And it's so real because, you know, um, the body usually tells the truth before the mind can explain it in subtle ways or signs. And I think it's really important to acknowledge those signs and understand them before it gets too late. So, um, before we go deeper, if due to our listeners, if you're listening right now, just unclench your jaw, drop your shoulders a little and take one slower breath. Okay. Let's go. So, um, listen, a lot of people hear identity shift and think that it's rebranding like a motivational quote or and a new morning routine. So what do you think most people misunderstand about identity work, especially mothers who are already carrying so much.

00:06:14 Misun Oh: Yeah. I mean, I can tell only from my own experiences. Um, the mistake I was making was I was looking for answers outside of me, which we never find. And that identity shift, you know, I believed if I read more books, if I attend more meditation retreat, if I do more like, you know, do more than I will be better. That was the biggest mistake.

00:06:53 Archita: Yeah. That's that's so real because, um, like you just said, I think all the answers lies within ourselves. And we often make the mistake of looking for it outside when what we should really be doing is look within ourselves. But when someone is stuck in that misunderstanding, what tends to happen in their day to day? Uh, like in decisions, boundaries, or self trust.

00:07:21 Misun Oh: You know, when we don't have that like certainty in ourselves. Um, we just react outside our older parent doesn't change. Even though I have all the information in my brain, in my head, the information knowing about something is not the same with the being what it is. So we just repeating all the pattern.

00:07:52 Archita: Um, that, that lands. Um, because if identity becomes performance, uh, the nervous system stays on alert and then even good habits start to feel like pressure. So let's stay with the deeper layer of why this happens. I'm curious about the roots. Uh, Mason, when a woman keeps shrinking, second guessing or waiting for permission, what's the deeper pattern under that? Is it. Is it fear of being seen, fear of being judged, fear of outgrowing the version of a people are are comfortable with?

00:08:29 Misun Oh: Yeah, I mean, all of them. But also, you know, human ego, like a small self really doesn't like a change. Uh, any change, even though that's a good for me, good for us. It doesn't want change. So, um, my spiritual teacher actually said ego would rather die rather than change. So that's a, that's what it is. And we, we know deep down ourselves, we know who we really are, which is one with God. You know, we have all the qualities that God has. So we are one with that. But when we don't experience any knowing that, um, it's just to it's just information, you know? I'm sorry. What was your question? Did I answer?

00:09:28 Archita: Yeah. You have you have put it beautifully. Uh, it it you did answer my question, but my that also brings me to another question. How do you differentiate between intuition and conditioning? That sounds like intuition.

00:09:47 Misun Oh: Um. For me, it's like a hundred percent of certainty. And can I share like, I can share my own experience about intuition. Like, you know, when it's not clear, when it's not real intuition, the second guess is coming and we just keep doubting about it. Um, but it doesn't. You know, for me, like, for example, I live in Sedona here in the USA, Arizona, in the USA right now. I moved here nine years ago. Um, and when I visited before I moved to here, you know, I was attending my spiritual teachers lecture and event and I just, I always felt at home here whenever I come here, even though I couldn't speak English. I just felt at home. Uh, I wish I could live here, but I knew it wasn't possible. It's just my wish for thoughts. And then one year when I came. It's just the inner knowingness. There is no doubt. Inner knowingness. I'm gonna live here. And of course, intuition usually doesn't come with how or when. It just give us an idea. Okay, I'm going to leave it here. And I had no idea how or when. And my logical mind trying to make sense, you know? But of course, nothing can make sense. And and then like, since the knowingness two years later, I moved here. So that kind of came clear, like no doubt. Like, I mean, of course, the doubt can come much later, but when we receive that message in that moment, there is like, there is no argument at all. It's just to it's just telling me, you know, the sky is blue, cloud is white like that.

00:11:48 Archita: HMM. That that distinction is really important because many of us, you know, call it intuition when it's actually an old survival strategy, wearing a calm voice. Now, I want to bring this into real life because listeners will be thinking, okay, but what does how does this show up on a random Tuesday? So let's, let's make it practical. How does an outdated identity show up in everyday moments? Like, what do you notice in the way someone speaks procrastinates people pleasers or even takes care of their body?

00:12:25 Misun Oh: Mhm. Yeah. It's a really, you know, to whoever listening is what age you are at right now. You know, we live our life forever with that old identity, like who we believe, who we are. People told us, I like this analogy. Um, people I go to real like practical, um, example, you know, we, we've been told you are an apple tree, you know, so we, we believed it. We believe that I'm an apple tree for ever in my whole life. And then we start our journey, spiritual journey doing lots of inner work. And we realize, oh, actually, I'm not an apple tree. I'm a I'm an orange tree. So people start to like saying that kind of affirmation. I'm an orange tree. I'm an orange tree. And yeah, I'm not saying it's useless. It helps at some level. But you, you can say I'm an orange tree, but deep down there, the root is still apple tree. So you cannot produce orange even though you're saying it thousand times. You know, that's what like an older identity looks like in daily life. Deep loop in the deep down the really, really loop in the loop. We still believe I'm not good enough. I'm. I'm all alone. There's no one who can support me. Like I'm not lovable. I'm not pretty. I'm too fat. I'm too old. You know, whatever we are telling ourselves, that's still underneath there in the root and we surface level, we're trying to change by automation, but without changing the root, which is, um, going to like a deep healing inner child healing. It heals mother wounds, veterans, even generational wound it. Without that part of healing, we cannot produce orange.

00:14:46 Archita: That is so beautifully put. And I love that you're naming it in small moments because, you know, identity isn't a big announcement. It's the quiet. Yes, and the quiet no. So here's the question people really want, uh, how do I shift without forcing myself?

00:15:05 Misun Oh: Yeah, that's a, you know what I found? I it changed me. Like really poor. That identity shift. It took me since I started my spiritual journey. It took me almost like seventeen years, you know? Um, if I go like recently when I made that commitment, I'm gonna stop this generational wounds with me. I'm not gonna pass it on to my son. That commitment, you know, I, like, make a joke about it. Okay. God said, okay, I, I hear you. Are you sure you're going to do that? You made the commitment now. Here you go. I'm gonna shed off your all of your old version of yourself. And it led me really a lot of, I would say, tragedy or catastrophe in my life for like one two years, I went through like five times of catastrophe, different event. And then finally in the, um, my in my chest. Just, I can share my experience in my darkest moment that I couldn't have any more hope. Even I felt completely powerless. I cannot do anything anymore. And what? I didn't try to kill myself. But you know, suicidal thought came up. Uh, day to day. So, like that darkest moment. I just completely gave up. It's not. I didn't have that really anything. Even one gram of power or hope, like I can be better. So only thing I could do was completely accepting the pain. So I like kind of talk to God, like, okay, I don't know why I have to go through this kind of pain. I think I, my life got much better, but all of a sudden, I'm here right now, and I don't know really why I have to go through that. But whatever the reason is, if I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life, I will. I'm not going to fight with it anymore. I will live with this pain to do my best. That was for me. That was a complete moment of surrender. And just just like that. Just I gave up myself completely. I was lifted up into light and I was held by unconditional love. And like that, I had inner knowingness clear in a knowingness. When I moved to hear that inner voice, that what is holding me at that time that I, I, I don't know what I can call it. I just what I felt was it was like unconditional love. So the boys said, this is who you really are. Whatever you are telling yourself or what other people tell you who you are was a complete lie. You just believed it as true. But that was not true. Look at these bright, warm, just unconditional loving. Really. Like, no matter who you are, no matter what you did. No matter mistake you made. This is who you are. It never changed. And also this is within you. Because this is who you are. You don't need to find it outside anymore. So that was I didn't have the language for that for a while, but after a few months, I was finally able to, um, you know, elaborate what happened and understand what really happened. And I became totally different person. I never see myself. Um, like I used to think. I'm not good enough. I'm, you know, no one. No one loves me. Everyone loves me. I'm all alone. Like, never think that way anymore. Because I have a much bigger than me who's holding me back, holding, you know, my bag, you know? So that's the level of identity shift.

00:19:40 Archita: It's so enlightening to hear about your journey, miss. And truly, it's it's very inspiring. I think we all can learn so much from you and we have through this conversation. So, um, what's one gentle practice that helps someone feel I that I'm not becoming someone else? I'm coming home to who I am. Just like it happened to you.

00:20:06 Misun Oh: Yeah. But for my, you know, my simple practice is really, really simple. I mean, I'm still human being. The human emotions, I mean, I experience every day. So when I feel like I'm dysregulated, I just put my hands on my heart and close my eyes and I'm imagining myself as a little child because who feels that this regulation is really the inner child, not who I am. So I imagine that I imagine myself as a little child, and I'm just telling her as a bigger version of myself, I'm telling her, I got you. You're not alone, and there's nothing I can do for you. You are safe. No matter what you did. You are safe. And that's my very simple practice when I'm dysregulated.

00:21:09 Archita: Mhm. That's that's so calming in the best way because it doesn't demand a new personality. It creates safety for the truth to emerge. But identity shifts aren't linear. So let's talk about, um, the messy parts that is setbacks. So, um, when someone is shifting identities, uh, the old self doesn't just disappear. Sometimes it comes back louder, especially under stress. So, uh, what tends to happen when a person relapses into old patterns during an identity shift?

00:21:46 Misun Oh: Yeah. Um, I like it. Talking about it, like using this analogy. You know, for example, like I have two cups and one cup has dirty water full of dirty water, and the other cup has a pool of clean water. And I want to clean up this dirty water and I started pouring clean water. You know, that's most of what people do, just pouring clean water over and over again. It doesn't get the dirty water cup doesn't get clean. In person to two, three, five times. We have to pour like I don't know how many. I've never tried, but probably, you know, few cups of water to clean that completely over. There is another way that we can clean. We can just pour them out completely and then fill with clean water. And, um, but most of the people we, the way we are choosing or the way we are going is just pouring clean water over and over again. So of course, we see it's still dirty water comes out. Why am I not healed yet? Why am I reacting still the same way? Because I only I see is the dirty water, but it's not really dirty water. It's getting cleaning right now. So when setback happens, um, appears in our daily life. Really? The first thing I wanted people to know is you are not the same as you. You started its progress. And what you see is really, you know, you can be grateful for that because if you are already clean inside, it wouldn't come anymore. But if you see the dirty water still, it means you're still cleaning. So there is a you are, uh, keep cleaning the whatever older version of yourself and there is. And if you keep pouring clean water, it's a pretty sure at some point you will see only clean water.

00:24:06 Archita: That is so helpful and it's such an important reframe. I love that analogy, especially because people need to understand that setbacks are in proof that you're not changing. They're often proved that you're changing and your system is renegotiating safety. So yeah, that's the point.

00:24:27 Misun Oh: Like, you know when that's why we need the support. I said, if I do it alone, you know, when setback happens, it's easy to be discouraged and give it up. But when you have a support, especially, who really can see that your potential, your greatness in you. If you have that kind of just one person in your life. Yeah, it would be much easier and faster.

00:24:58 Archita: Yeah. I mean, definitely if you have that support system in your life, I think you can overcome anything and everything. But first of all, I think it's really important to come back to. Yourself, because at the end of the day, you are the one who's going to save yourself. So that's that's the most important part. So in this conversation has been amazing and I truly have learned so much from you today. I'm sure our listeners have as well. So for listeners who felt seen by this, where can they find you, learn from you or follow your work? And is there one simple way you'd like them to start? Just by staying connected to your space?

00:25:42 Misun Oh: Yeah. I mean, you can go to my website, which is Sedona Coach dot com and you can find also my, you can book free consult. It's fifteen minutes of free consult. And there are so many people like who got huge from only one that pre session. Uh, not everyone going up to that. You know, it's a completely free, no strings attached. But yeah, you can book that session. Also, I have a free gift on my website that is, um, the reparenting yourself. So inner child work you can do by yourself. Uh, also you can follow me on social media, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn. I'm sharing daily insights there so you can, uh, find them. Just my name there.

00:26:40 Archita: Beautiful. Thank you. We'll make sure that's in the show notes too. So as we close, I want to leave you with this. You don't have to force a new identity. You can practice belonging to yourself. If this episode gave you language or even a little exhale, follow inner peace, better health for more conversations that connect healing to real life gently and consistently. And if someone you love is quietly outgrowing their old self, share this episode with them. I marcheta and until next time, take care of your inner world and your body will feel it too.