Hi, beautiful friends, and welcome back to Faith Filled Woman.

This is your host, Kristin.

Hey there.

Today we are going to talk about why our words matter so much.

And we're going to talk about why is that the starting point to change anything in our life that's just not going the way we want?

We're going to talk about how our words have such power not only over ourselves, they have power over how we're feeling, how we look.

They have power over other people in our relationships.

And so this really is central to so many things.

And yes, I've talked about the power of our words, the power of our thoughts before.

I absolutely just recently released a episode about negative thoughts.

But today I want to talk further about our words.

And not so much about negative thoughts, but about those little small words that we don't even realize we're using and how changing them can make a huge difference in our life.

First, I want to start off with a little bit from the book, please.

Sorry, thanks.

By Mark Batterson.

And before I do, though, I will just share this scripture with you.

In John 1:1, it says in the beginning was the word, right?

In the beginning of the Bible, God literally creates the world through the Word.

Okay?

And so anyway, so Mark Patterson in his book so says that abracadabra is the most universally used word that doesn't need translation.

And yes, it's used by magicians, but he says the etymology is more spiritual than magical.

The ancient words abracadabra mean, as I speak, I shall create.

In other words, words create worlds.

Words, said the Jewish theologian Abraham Heischel, are themselves sacred, God's tool for creating the universe and are tools for bringing holiness or evil into the world.

So see, friends, words have always mattered and what we speak matters.

It truly has power in the world.

And so I thought this was really interesting.

He shares a little bit of data and says that the University of Chicago, when they went through thousands of counseling sessions, what they found was that some people had success in their counseling sessions and sustained change and others didn't.

The main factor wasn't the therapist or the technique.

The main difference or factor was in how the people getting counseled, talked and other words.

He says, if you want to change your life, you have to change your words.

And then I'm going to share this little excerpt with you from his book.

Our words don't represent the world objectively.

Rather, our words create the world subjectively.

For better or for worse.

Our words can function as self fulfilling prophecies.

They have the power to bless or to curse, to heal or to hurt, to give life or to cause death.

Scientific studies have found that negative words spoken to plants cause them to languish, while positive words help them flourish.

It's as true of people as it is of plants.

And he says that Solomon said the tongue has the power of life and death.

And one other thing I want to share with what he says.

He says, it says in the Bible, out of the overflow of the heart, Jesus said, the mouth speaks.

Words are like x rays, but they do more than reveal the condition of our hearts.

Our words are both diagnosis and a prognosis.

And then he says, if you want to change your relationships, you have to change your words.

And then he talks a little bit about what I want to talk about today.

He says, it feels like no matter what you say, it's never enough and it's always too much.

Or is that just me?

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Positivity is one of my strengths, but I recently found myself in a funk.

Here's a journal entry from one of those down days when I felt like I was emotionally flatlining.

Here's what he recorded.

I'm so spent, I'm so tired.

It feels like I'm running on empty.

I'm just not bouncing back.

My head is foggy, my heart is irritated.

Lord help me.

How many of us can relate to some of those things?

Maybe on a daily basis, but we need to really consider what it is we're telling ourselves.

Both or not subconsciously that too, but what we're repeating in our head and then what we're actually saying out loud as well.

And he basically explained that he did some self examination during that season.

One revelation was that I was using negative words with a high degree of frequency.

And he said I was speaking negativity into existence and giving it power.

By emphasizing how hard leadership was during that season, I was making it harder than it had to be.

My words became self fulfilling prophecy that reinforced a vicious cycle of negativity.

The same thing happens when you complain about people behind their backs with a second revelation.

Want to change your dynamic?

You have to flip the script by catching people doing things right, then bragging about them behind their backs.

If you want to change your attitude, you have to change your words.

Your words are Occam's razor.

Simple words can solve seemingly impossible problems.

And you know, here's what I want to say about this.

I have been so.

I have caught myself so many times doing just this, using words or Using statements that don't match what's actually going on.

In other words, I have found out that over the years, sometimes in the grocery store when I'm checking out, I start apologizing to the cashier, or if I'm walking by somebody in the grocery store, and I might say, excuse me, but sometimes I'll then say, oh, sorry, and.

As if my taking up space is a problem.

And so that's something I have to be aware of.

And I try to catch myself because I don't have a reason to apologize.

I didn't do anything wrong, but yet that comes.

It just comes out, right?

And so that, obviously is something that I have to pay attention to.

Another thing that happens is for a lot of us, at some point, we heard a message that told us that we are too much, we're too loud, or that we shouldn't take up so much space or say so much, we shouldn't be as loud.

Or maybe as a little girl, we should be polite and respectful and kind and not be loud and boisterous.

You know, whatever messages we might have heard subconsciously or consciously.

But because of that, most of us will carry some of that into adulthood without realizing it.

And then we will do things like make ourselves seem smaller or what we're doing.

I absolutely have done this and still do this to some extent.

Let's say that I'm working on a new project, or when I launched my podcast, you know, I'll say, oh, I'm just doing this podcast, or I'm just trying this thing, or I'm just doing this little event.

In other words, we kind of downplay and downsize the importance of something.

We're trying to almost make it as if we don't say it's anything big or.

Or it's not important to us, then it won't matter if it doesn't have the outcome we want, right?

Or what about if we look at ourselves in the mirror or try on our clothes and think, oh, my gosh, I have so much extra weight.

Or maybe we even say to ourselves, I am so fat, or I look so old, or, you know, maybe look at all this flab right on your arm or your leg.

But we aren't talking very nice to our bodies.

A lot of us, you know, this could be true for men and women, of course, but from a woman's perspective, we absolutely are so critical of ourselves.

I actually saw something recently.

It was a woman travel photographer or travel or adventure photographer, and.

And she photographs women.

And she had shared after she had done this trip with women, right?

She had taken women on these trips.

And.

But something happened.

She had a friend that passed, and so then she wanted to share with her community that, you know, we have to stop being so critical of ourselves as women especially.

And so I'm going to try to pull that up and share with you a little bit of what she said.

She explained that when her friend passed, her significant other, I think her husband said that some of the pictures that this travel photographer took were some of his favorite photos of her.

Oh, my gosh, it's almost going to make me get emotional.

Okay.

So she explained, though, that the photos captured her joy, her true essence.

And she said, I hear it on every group trip.

How should I pose?

What do I do with my hands?

I feel so awkward, you know?

Or people might say, oh, I look heavy.

Or, you know, I don't like how I look.

And she said, we often avoid the camera.

We pick ourselves apart.

We're more comfortable behind the lens and in front of it, especially if we're alone.

And for.

First of all, let me tell you who it is.

It's Max.

Explore is her Instagram handle.

But then she says, and I get it.

I've been there, too.

But now I don't see it the same way anymore, because the photos we take, especially the ones that capture us as we really are, he says, they become treasures for our families, for our children, for ourselves.

So she said, if you hesitate to step in front of the camera, please let this be a reminder.

You are beautiful.

You are worth remembering.

You don't need to be perfect to be cherished.

Let someone take your photo.

Another woman that I follow and know is author Ali Worthington.

She's also a podcaster, she runs a mentoring program, and lots of things.

But she also shared something that really ties back to the words we use, but also us trying to not take up space.

And the post was about why I don't do low maintenance anymore.

And she explains that at one point, she thought low maintenance was the way to be accepted.

She says, easygoing, undemanding, chill.

I thought it made me strong.

Turns out it just made me silent.

Somewhere along the way, she got the sparkly, very toxic memo that having needs equals being too much.

She says.

So I quieted my voice, softened my edges, packed light emotionally, didn't want to be a hassle.

But here's the truth.

Love that only works when you disappear isn't love.

And boundaries aren't extra.

They're healthy.

So now I ask for clarity.

Bring snack and Opinions.

I travel with three serums and lots of boundaries and emotional honesty.

Jesus never asked us to be doormats.

He asked us to live fully.

Heart, soul, mind and spirit.

That includes your needs, that includes your voice.

And oh yeah, both of those things did hit me, right?

Because this is exactly the type of work that I am in the world to help myself and each of you with, which is, let's stop hiding, let's stop, stop trying to not be heard or seen.

Because at some point we were given that message.

And here's the thing, I think the first thing we can do to remember that our words matter.

And is this.

It's that we ask ourselves, how can I change the way I talk about things or I talk about myself?

Because here's the truth.

We may not even know we're doing it.

It was actually a cashier that pointed out to me some years ago that I was apologizing to him.

So what if you start noticing the words you're using, the language you're speaking to other people about other people, about your children, the language you're speaking about your spouse, or the thoughts you're having about them, and then the language and thought you're having about yourself, start writing them down.

Keep a note on your phone and type them in.

Catch yourself when you look in the mirror, when your kid texts you, when you're rushing around, when your spouse makes you slightly feeling irritated, like what, what is the, what are the words that come up for you?

Write them down and then after a couple days or a week, review it.

Notice what the patterns are.

Are you repeating.

Much like Mark Patterson where he was having a lot more down days and then he noticed that his language was quite negative.

And so two practices.

The one is what I just said, which is write down and then notice the words you're using, right?

And then, and you can do some groups for this, right?

Like words you're using to describe or talk about yourself, words you're using to describe and talk about other people or co workers or friends, words you're using to describe your spouse if you're married, words you're using to describe your life, words you're using to describe your children, words you're using to describe maybe your financial situation, words you're using to describe your faith.

And then words you're using to describe how you feel, right?

Your energy or a lack thereof, start paying attention.

So that's the first thing that you can do to start changing your words so that you can change your life.

And here's the Thing is, I get it.

Some people think when we work on ourselves, that's about us.

That's not about God.

That's not about, like, how we're showing up in the world to do, to serve the world.

But I disagree.

Because God did not make us to be to cower or to hide.

He actually made us to partner with him and show up standing tall and with a purpose.

And we cannot do or fulfill that full purpose unless we can really step into who we are, who he made us to be, fully and confidently in faith.

Here's another thing.

I really liked this.

Someone talked about that it's easy to say or name what we aren't.

But what if we practice saying what or who we are?

In other words, it's easy to say I'm not in shape, I'm not skinny enough.

I'm, you know, whatever.

Like, you can fill in the brinks.

Like, it's really easy to say what we aren't today.

But what if we started practicing saying what or who we are and who we're becoming, both in Christ and in our lives?

If your goal is to be healthier and maybe to be a little bit, know, fit in your clothes better, stop telling yourself, I'm so out of shape, I'm so fat, and start telling yourself, I am working on getting healthy, you know, I am making changes to be healthier.

Tell yourself I am strong, you know, Tell yourself I am capable, you know.

So start shifting those words and see how it changes how you feel about yourself or about your spouse or whatever the thing.

Fill in the blank.

And then from there, practice saying what or who you are and who you're becoming.

Because that's actually what we want to do, right?

We also want to see people not for what they're doing at this moment, but for who we see them becoming.

Because Christ wants us to speak into people's lives.

He wants us to speak into who they can become, especially when we partner with Him.

So tell people when you see potential in them, tell them, you know, the good that you see.

And so I think when we start doing this, we'll.

We'll realize everything changes when we change our words, when we change what we're thinking about.

And, you know, as I shared in the last chapter, remember, our words and our thoughts impact our body, right?

It's a holistic thing.

Mind and thoughts change.

What goes on in our bodies changes what goes on in our lives.

It changes what goes on in our checkbooks, in our relationships.

It change.

It impacts everything.

So if I talk about this in different ways or in different areas.

It's because it matters, right?

And so I just wanted to come on and share this because I think it's so important.

And there's many Bible verses about capturing our thoughts, right?

About focusing on the things that are good, you know, and because this work matters to me so much because talking about these things and trying to help us all shift, you know, shift our words, shift our thoughts, shift how we show up in life, how we rest, how we step into our interests, our passions and our purpose.

I have two things to share with you.

The first is I will be releasing for pre sale soon a group program that I am going to walk alongside of you.

I'm going to guide you through the changes, to express yourself, to reignite your passion and your voice, to let go of limiting beliefs, to tap into saying yes to your future and to be to shift your life in a way that lets you show up in the room fully and confidently.

You and you guys.

I'm so excited.

I am going to be offering retreats soon, women's retreats.

And I will have some that are one to two day sessions that'll be on the east coast and I cannot wait to offer those.

They'll happen late summer into the fall and then we next year are going on a women's retreat, a tropical retreat and it is going to be oh my God, so good.

I already have a group of women that are on my email list to learn more about retreats.

If you're not part of that and that's of interest to you because spots will fill up, go over to kristenfitch.com sign up for my email newsletter and when it asks you what you're interested in, make sure you click retreat as one of the topics so that I can get you onto that list to learn more.

And as the details develop.

And if you're somebody that wants to start making changes now in your life, you want to, you want to do something now about the way you're speaking to yourself.

Then I do have a free download for you on my website.

Go to KristenFitch.com and then go to the freebies page and when you go there just scroll down because I have quite a bit.

There is one called rewire your mind from negativity to joy.

You can start with that or there's one other one which is called create a life you love journaling workbook.

That one is great because it gives you list, all sorts of lists, but you can pull out the ones that are related to your thoughts and your thinking and what people say about you.

And then it has pages for reflection, reflections.

It has journaling pages and gratitude pages.

So it really helps us start focusing on what we're thankful for, what we're focusing on and how we can shift maybe the areas in our lives, like what do we say about our body and can we say something good instead?

So those are all available on my website and I would love for you to go download them and let me know what you think.

Next episode we're going to be talking about how can we trust ourselves?

How can we start listening to that small voice within us which can be both ourselves or that little prompting from the Holy Spirit?

And so that's what we're going to get into and I can't wait to share that with you.

Thanks again for listening to the show and if you enjoyed today's episode, we would love it if you could take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcast because it helps our show get discovered by more people.