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Hey, hey, this is Shaun with the GoTennis! Podcast

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- And Shaun will tell me what you're doing

in mental health, I was like, wow,

this is a big subject that's really mixed up

at the moment because we were just talking about

before you came on the camera.

I said, I don't understand these players'

engine because they just bunch of pushy's

as far as on concerns, the way they behave.

Because the mental game was just as big

and just as tough back in your days as it is now.

They were kids that grew up with the hand failed,

the silver spoon, everything that we didn't have.

And now for them to wine and complain,

it's like someone needs to just give them

a wooden spoon over the ass, you know?

- I don't know about that.

We are being recorded.

I thought I would fly up actually

'cause I'm gonna get you in the minute.

- Yeah, well, it's a fine line between

Stupid and Clever.

- Yes.

- And we have more information than we'd ever had back then.

- Totally great.

- And I am a person that gets the call

from a Hall of Fame tennis player

or Hall of Fame whatever and they don't wanna live anymore.

And they worked their butts off

and they got the wooden spoon and they were,

and they don't wanna be here anymore.

Or I am someone that was restless, irritable

from kindergarten to sixth grade.

And I got spanked every single day

by the nuns at the school and I didn't know it.

But I had anxiety.

I had fears, doubts and insecurities.

I didn't know everyone else did too.

But there is a difference I have learned.

I'm pretty damn sure I had what they diagnosed

as ADHD today.

100%.

And so a child at a boy in the school,

a boy if you've got kids,

develops a little slower than the girls.

And if I get overwhelmed in a crowd

and kindergarten or first grade or loud noises,

there's nothing wrong with me.

But you almost, my little guy is,

does better with one-on-one.

- Yep.

And if he isn't sure of the rules of the game,

how, you know, so, you know,

Murphy, you're being disruptive, you know.

You're running three miles.

How about instead of going over to Murphy,

little eight, 10-year-old Murphy and saying,

you know, we don't throw our rackets

at the tennis courts, right?

But I see you're having a hard time.

Is there anything I can do to help you right now?

Do you need a little time?

Do you need a little time?

But I was told to run 30 miles and then I sucked.

And then I was doing it wrong

and I had a lot of shame and a lot of guilt around that.

So, perception is everything.

Now the professional players today,

get on the road 52 weeks a year after you've played tennis

every day of your life since the age of four to 18.

And do you have any tools and life skills to operate?

Now you've won, wimbleed it.

Good luck.

Good luck if you don't have the right.

So, you and I both in the world of tennis has taught me

since the 1800s that tennis is 98 percent mental.

How much mental coaching did I get outside of the wooden spoon

and kicked out a practice and told to run home?

My dad played American professional football

and both parents were great coaches.

And when I had a complete meltdown

and I'm throwing rackets over the fence in a river

after double-faulting three straight games,

trying to be the top five player in the country

going from top 20.

I'm 20 and I'm playing David Wheaton, a double-fault,

12 times in a row, I lost my cookies

and my dad carried me off the court

and they said, "You can't do that.

It's my son, I can do that."

And he didn't beat me, didn't make me run.

And he said, "What do you have to say?

"What's going on?"

And I said, "Thank you for getting me off that court.

"I didn't know what the hell was going on."

I was having a moment that I wouldn't navigate.

I put so much pressure on myself.

I'm a baby, I'm 11, right?

And so, those fears and doubts and insecurities

led to me seeking your approval and affection

at whatever cost.

Hey Murphy, you're ranked this

at the World Championships of 12 and under some kids

and said, "Let's hit the mini bar.

"I don't even know what the hell they're talking about."

Smoke that.

What is that?

I didn't know not to, okay,

'cause I wanted you to prove your affection

because I was real to the fears and doubts

and insecurities, right?

And then I went to the French Open

and I had my first panic attack.

And I was overwhelmed, not in the safest place

I've found always has been on the court,

but it was off the court.

How do I manage life between matches?

How do I manage, I never signed up to be on the cover

and nothing, okay?

The opportunity is for agents and managers

and coaches and teachers is to empower these pros

or these future tennis players or human beings

most importantly to navigate the losses.

You're gonna get knocked down.

Your heart is gonna break at some point.

Yep.

And you're gonna get disappointed.

And what do you do when it ain't going your way?

And you're not getting what you want when you want it.

Do I freak out like a seven year old?

And if I'm freaking out, there's something going on

underneath the hood, you know?

Yep.

Yep.

And I have the ability to accept life on life's terms today

and I have found in my pathway of recovery

the more I surrender, the more I win.

I get this ego out of the way, this fear,

I get knocked out and secured out of the way.

And I am the secret sauce to winning any space in life

is an open mind and open heart.

And I come from a place of service and helping others

until the day I die, you know?

That's where the principal is helping others save my life.

And anyway, back to you, Justin.

The honor and the privilege to be in the room with you,

it's not easy for people to transition out of a sport.

They identify their self-worth.

My self-worth isn't based on my ranking

or my banking account or my SAT score or my school grades.

You know, the most important relationship I've discovered

in life is the one I have with me.

Yep.

If I gotta get the one, I gotta get right with the man in the mirror

or I can't get right with anything.

And that's the stuff that children, you know,

I wake up in the morning, some days I got ahead

that there's vultures in there.

And they wake up and say, "Get up, Murphy.

She's going to leave you.

This business venture you're working on,

they ain't going to work for you, you know?"

And nobody appreciates you, don't you know that?

And I got to say, "Oh, that now."

First of all, the greatest thing I've learned is,

I'm not my mind and I'm not my thoughts.

Something noticed that in that too I am.

I am a human being, having some kind of experience

that, you know, how do you explain the unexplainable?

You have to experience it.

Well, there you have it.

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