Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience podcast. With me today, James Olsen, we had a

wonderful conversation last week, and he shared how the 12

step program helped him to get out of addiction. Today, we want

to talk about how he stays pain and the little life hacks or

habits that he wants to share with us when he feels triggered

when he gets reminded, or when he has the choice, okay, now I

can go into the future, the positive direction, or I fall

back into my habits that I wanted to get rid of, but there

still may be present for some of our listeners hear. So, James,

welcome here on the Borealis experience, podcast, and so

happy that you take the time and share your experience here. And

yeah, feel free to share whatever is of benefit for our

listeners here.

Thanks, Aurora. Yeah, yeah that's a great topic. S

they're, they're definitely, don't think as addicts, we wer

the only ones that experience those things. What, what cause

hardship or causes? I guess i addiction, we kind of coined th

phrase, trigger, you know, um because for for addicts, I am

firm believer, you know, tha life is a trigger, it's not s

much, you know, what will se you off because in when I'm i

my addiction needs just my whol day, it's whether I'm happy

whether I'm sad, whether I' good, bad, it's everything, jus

it, I guess that's part o addiction is is all part al

parts of life, kind of my min tells me that it would be bette

with drugs, or alcohol, whateve that looks like. So, but that's

you know, I think the huma experience allows people, it'

very relatable and say, yo know, that I'm in a hard tim

I'm struggling, I just need som relief, you know, and for, fo

me in a long time, that was tha was turning to drugs or alcohol

Now, what do I do nowadays, t cope with that? There's really

gamut of, of, you know, thing that that I do to kind of get m

through those hard times Because like I talked about las

last last time was life o life's terms and that kind o

idea that that's reall fundamental, I guess it's, it's

it's kind of the essence to t anybody, overcoming substanc

abuse, is accepting that tha life is going to be hard, Mr

Chips gonna happen. You know, think that that's, that's jus

part of the human experience is, what do we do to get throug

day to day occurrences, becaus it's a great, great idea t

think that we can do somethin to make life beautiful. But

don't know about you, but fo me, life can be beautiful, bu

part of it is that there's goin to be hard times, no matter ho

great or how planned out, or ho much you've worked on bein

healthy, or, you know, kind o put things in their place i

their proper place and organize Your life is part of that. Par

of part of life is that life' hard. I read a lot of philosoph

and there's one common statemen is that suffering is part o

life. I think there's, if yo look into religions, that's kin

of the commonality that ever religion holds is, you know

Buddha is enlightenment was tha life is suffering. You know, i

his What we do in tha suffering? Yeah, so so that'

kind of it. What What do we d when things get hard? Or whe

you know, the phrase when shi hits the fan? Because sit

that's that's just that's jus how it is. That's the reality i

that sooner or later, somethin bad's gonna happen? Yeah. And I

I personally have found tha consistency is is is good i

those those? What are your dail habits? What do you what do yo

like to do? For me personally it involves prayer, it involve

meditation and involves thing that I do on the daily to kin

of create positive energy i they you know, and positiv

energy isn't, you know, for m isn't so much

You know, I don't know what you would call it. I've seen I've

seen others words, I'm looking to create positive vibrations

and looking minds not so much that mine is what is going to

make me feel good about me. And part of that is humility. We

really need to work on that. Because on the opposite the

reason, most of the things that I talk about, and the things

that I know, personally, are through failure. So I've gone to

extremes the other way and failed. And so then then I will

Okay, now I have to come back. I have to, you know, really look

at you know what, what I did? What do I think? Why were? How

do I think I went wrong there? What caused that? And then I try

again.

Yeah, and I mean, if you hadn't had these very dark experiences,

you wouldn't appreciate the good times. Now, the way you do.

Like, I feel sometimes people just live a very moderate life

with no real ups and downs and they become depressed because

they they stop feeling at some point. And you've been through

so much trouble and pain and you've lived through so much

misery that I can imagine now, like you've really enjoying your

children, and you really appreciate what you have. And

then you meditate or pray and those little, yeah, it's like an

anchor that you can go home to every time you feel, oh, it's

getting a little too rough, your life is a little bit too painful

right now. You know, you have that place inside of you. Where

you can anchor yourself and feel solid and good again. Because a

lot of the times when we encounter suffering, I think our

self worth is attacked right away. And we feel like life is

unfair. And we fall into kind of a victim mentality. And if you

know you have prayer and meditation in your back pocket,

and you can pull it out whenever you want, and can then you know

you you have that safe place.

Yeah.

I think I understood what you meant there. Yeah, it's, it's

critical for everybody to find out what is best for them to,

like, it looks different for every person. But a lot of times

I feel meditation and prayer is part of a person strive to stay

sane and anchored.

I do I can definitely I definitely agree with that.

What, what I would argue or suggest is that those are

beneficial in a very organized life or conditioned life where

you have routines where you have structure, where you've there's

there's some sort of feeling of safety or stability, meditation

and prayer is like I said, it's a it's a it's consistency that

creates those. So you have to create some sort of structure.

They don't work in chaos is my point.

Mm hmm.

You can you can meditate all you want, but when you don't have

food in your stomach or money for rent, or the vital things,

ain't doing shit. And that's the honest truth of it. Those aren't

going to solve your problems. Like they might have, I don't

know, if they I don't even know if they'll help. There's and so

what what I truly believe, though, you know this for, you

know the people in those those times that are that in the chaos

and in the, in the trenches of life, let's say is that I heard

a saying by Matt and it changed my life and it was no man can no

peace without knowing himself first. And no man can know

themselves without going to war with themselves. And what that

means for me is like I, you know, the, yes, my addiction was

war with myself, but I haven't do well. I have good and bad. I

have my desires for to do good and help the world. And then I

have desires to I want this and I want it now and at any cost,

just give it to. And they are polar opposites. And for me is I

need ballots, I need to control these things. I still have, you

know, wants and desires and they add that aren't great, but I

just I'm I'm still that 14 year old kid that just wants to give

it to me, you know. But what it? What it does is when you when

you go like for me when I go to my ward, am I with myself?

Here's a prime example. snooze in the morning when you're

supposed to getting up, you know, at 530 in the morning, I

think everybody can relate to that is, you know, sometimes I

have a lot it can hit it four times. But the reality of of it

is, can I get out of bed the first time it happens? Well,

everybody can. Will I let myself that's a war that will establish

who you are. Who are you? I am someone that can control the in

sleep deprivation or with every call that morning, where you're

just like, I don't want to start yet. I'm like I'm having a great

game. I feel good and warm, and cozy. give that up because you

there's an advantage to controlling that part of

yourself that says no, this feels good. I just want this.

Nope, you need to get up. You don't need to be stressed, start

your day under stress. You get your lunch going get get

organized, it's going to create time, it's going to times a

buffer, you're not going to feel stressed, you're not going to

you know, create those things that where you're you're late

right off the bat, it kind of ruins your day, it just starts

your day, right? It allows you to get everything you need to do

in your morning routine. And that, in return creates peace.

Because you went to war with that part of yourself. That's

telling me No, just stay in bed, you know. And those little

things create, strengthen the ability that I can go through

hardships, I can go through struggles, I can go through

things that don't feel good in order. And I know that my

ability and it's that's not going to you know, say you know,

just because you go jumped out of bed at first, you know wake

woke up right away and got your day started isn't going to solve

all your problems, but it's going to reaffirm that you have

self control, you know, and that's a hell of a place to

start. You know, and it really makes a statement for the rest

of your day. You know, and things of that nature. Really,

you know, if I can go back to my recovery, you know, I early on

in my recovery. I went through some really bad breakups, I got

involved with so many in a program, a 12 step program and

thought I met my soulmate. And it just didn't work out. And it

crushed it. It really did. And it lasts me you know, like

questioning, you know, really crushing life and male, you

know, referring to to

self value and stuff like that man that really shook my

foundation. You know, I thought I was doing everything right and

then couldn't figure out why this person didn't want to be

with me. And, but I got through it. You know, there's tons of

experiences like that, that I didn't think I could get

through, but I got through, and I didn't drink, and I didn't

use. And last year, my son passed away. He was 22 years old

and ended up passing away. And I had always had that as a

reservation in my brain that that if I ever lost a child,

hell yeah, I'm getting wasted. That is a hell of a reason for

me. Pocket all i'm just going off the deep end. Like, you

know, it's kind of, I didn't say it or any, but I knew it in my

soul. I didn't really play with that idea. But that was, that

was definitely a reservation for me to screw sobriety, like, I'm

getting, like, I, I can't deal with that. But I dealt with it.

He was in the hospital for a month before he passed. And in

Lethbridge, the meeting house that I have my meetings and my

12 step meetings was right across the street from the

hospital, and thank God. So every day at noon, I would go

over there and you know, after sitting with him, and you know,

the ICU, and I would go over there noon, and for an hour to

have a meeting with my fellow alcoholics. And, and I didn't

even talk about what was going on, you know, like, I people

knew, but I do, you know, I didn't even talk, it was just an

hour to myself that I got it kept with these people and laugh

and be positive. And I made it through, I didn't drink and I

and I, I actually that experience, I grew from that

experience as a person. And then in that, you know, I surprised

the shit out of it really did I, I didn't know I had it in me.

And I, I carried myself Well, I made good choices, I made

healthy choices. I I was helpful to people that that were really

struggling through that time, I was supportive, the people that

needed help, and you know, I was there with him. And if I was

drinking, I wouldn't have been would have been, you know, a

friend said to me, she's like, you know, if you were drinking,

you would be in a bar right? Now, looking for sympathy from

others. Exactly. playing the victim, playing the victim

making this of you. And, and I didn't, I didn't do that. And

that was so powerful. And that's so that's what I mean when when

they say no magic, no, no magic, no peace without knowing himself

first, and no man to know himself until he goes to war

with themselves. And that's the such a proof that statement. You

know, I'd had these little wars. And then I didn't know my

ability, but I proved without knowing I proved him, like, just

the results of that situation. Prove to me that that what I was

capable up. And yeah, what it also what it did was establish,

man, if I can go to that I can go to anything. Really, yeah,

really took away a lot of years, and prove to me, you know, what

I'm capable of going through, you know? And that was after,

you know, four and a half years of sobriety, you know, so like,

I wasn't doing anything to call on, you know, that was, that was

me, living my best life. You know, me working really hard. So

bad things don't always happen to bad people. You know, like, I

used to think that all my chaos in my life was caused by my bad

actions. But even when I'm doing good and good things, hard

things happen. That's just part of life. And we really have to

just remember that, that it's not our fault, then that that's

just that's what life looks like sometimes, and we just have to

accept it. You know, and yeah, and, and sometimes out of out of

the chaos or or the, the hardship. There's, there's,

there's good days and there's sunlight and there's rainbows

and lessons and life lessons and gifts, you know, It's not all,

you might not be able to see it at the moment. But, you know,

hindsight will definitely show it to you. You know, there's

that saying, you know, we can't rarely do we see the trees when

we're in the forest, you know? And it's hard, right? There's

too close,

but you give yourself some distance and you can, you can,

you know, find whatever it is you need to learn and grow from.

So, yeah, it sometimes it's it's learning how to what you're

capable, what triggers you're capable of going through. And

when you overcome those triggers, it just establishes

your true inner strength. And then that's more of a energize

energizing power to me nowadays is I know what I'm capable of

going through. I know, my, my inner self. I know my strengths.

I know my weaknesses. And I'm aware of them and I build builds

confidence. And, yeah, it. Yeah, it's it's tricky, though. And it

takes time and it takes effort. And, you know, someone that I

listened to says, Well, you know, why not do some? Why not

try? You're here anyways, what else? What do you have to lose?

You

know, like, and that's the silver, I can't do it. Like, how

many times do we say that to myself, you know, ourselves is I

don't, I just don't think it's possible. Well, not, why not

give it a shot? It's what else you doing? You got something

better? Give it a shot, you know, what's the worst that can

happen? You know, fairly, well get up and dust yourself off and

get back at it, you know, even adjust something to you know,

try to figure out what you what didn't work out and adjust

something and try to get and if you know, if you know, the

definition of a winner is someone that doesn't let losing

stop them. So that that's, you know, do you have the tenacity

to keep getting up? Or are you know, a one and done? I tried it

didn't work out for me. life's gonna that's a sad existence.

You're missing out on everything that didn't work out the first

time. You know, it's there's so much more to life. I didn't

know. I'm, I'm stubborn. But I'll keep kicking at a door

until I can get in, you know, sometimes to a fault, sometimes

to a fault. A, there's times where I definitely should have

just pulled back to that. It definitely isn't for me, I got

to quit beating a dead horse and focus somewhere else being over

the times the greatest, the great teacher, right, you know?

Yeah, it kind of shows you everything. You just have to be

patient to see it. Yeah.

Yeah, it takes a lot of patience and believe and being willing to

cut through limiting beliefs. Like you said, I can't do this,

or, oh, I failed. So I'm a failure. I'm gonna make it about

me now. And I'm a victim, to to cut through those thought

patterns is so so hard. But you're the prime example. To say

that it's possible even in the worst circumstances, I mean, to

lose a child is the worst thing that a person can go through. I

feel on this planet Earth. You had the strength to be there for

yourself to not let yourself down and to be there for your

son, and your family. Wow, like, I had goosebumps all over here

for 10 minutes. I had no idea you had to go through this. And

that's

Yeah, it was it was. It was it was tough. And it's still tough

at times. And it's sometimes it's like I could I've only been

able to start talking about it, you know, the last couple

months, usually, you know, I get choked up and I can't even I

just can't even talk. You know, and I couldn't even say his name

for a while. But you know, it's a careful kind of walking in

bash, that I'm capable of doing this or that, you know, Like I

have a higher power, you know, that was part of my, you know,

what I learned in my recovery is that there's something out there

in the universe that, that loves me and wants good for me. And so

that's where I, I return When, when, when I have struggles, and

that's where I also have to give a lot of credit for my strength.

It's not self generated. I was actually, you know, I was

surprised as everybody else how well I handled that situation.

And I just turned it over to my higher priority not through

that, through my praying through my meditation, he provided the

strength that I needed at that time. And, and what it does is

it creates a safe area, almost an IP of protection. And, you

know, I it's very, psychologically it's, it's, it's

almost, kind of childlike or like or ignorance. You know,

like, I read, like I said, I read a lot of philosophy, and

they they really struggle, like, a lot of the great thinkers

really have a hard time with, with the idea of a god or higher

power or energy that is caring and needed. They a lot of those

things, are they, the intellect tells you? No, it's just not

logically. So it's not it doesn't allow for that. And that

that's a cold, scary thought. For me. It's, it's a hard thing

to wrap around my, you know, for myself, I, I, I don't believe

that personally, but I am what I would believe, you know, have

that, that that idea. And so my dad is my duality is because of

a very logical, rational person, but I also have some

spirituality to me. And they don't they, they they really

don't work together. What is the best way I can explain it is

what is experience? And the other is my brain, my logic, my

rational ideas. And, and I have I use both. And so it's, it's,

like I said, it's, it's a duality of myself, I understand

that I accept that about myself, is that part of me, wants to

rationalize everything. And part of me with CAD and has the

ability to accept things I don't understand, or doesn't make

sense to me. And I can just accept it as is. Leave it alone.

I don't have to break myself on things, ideas, or questions that

I can't figure out or get an answer to. And I don't have to

smash myself on rocks like that. I can just let it go. And just

accept that that's something that I don't understand right

now, or in the future or ever. And I just move on to what I do

and where I do excel in where where what I can and can't do.

So it's it's a it's tricky, but it's it's a growing experience.

You know, and I, I didn't understand that five years ago.

I didn't understand that 10 years ago, but today, I

definitely have that as a self knowledge. It's through that

word that I've fought with myself.

Yeah. No, I feel like this was so critical to talk about it

because I hear we talk about addiction and and how people are

suffering. And then on the other side, we see people who went

through the 12 step program, for instance, and are doing awesome

now. But what is happening in between, as is so important to

talk about because it seems so far away and so hard to get

there. For the people who are still suffering and what you

share today, I mean, what you had to go through, you share

that it is possible and you share that we have to learn to

see that life is suffering, life can be pretty awesome and

rainbows and sunshine, but the whole experience is suffering

and then feeling better again and just walking through the

painful experiences and not make it like paint the picture all

dark darkness as part of it. But it's not all dark and to accept

both sides. And like you said here at the end that The

rational side is very important for us to get things done. But

the spiritual side, the side that is open for for magic and

wonders is just as important and you have to balance it out and

accept both. Yeah, thank you so much for listening to this

interview here with James Olsen. Feel free to reach out to us if

you have any questions on Facebook, take really good care

of yourself. And we will be out there soon again for you.