[Inaudible].

Good morning, afternoon, or evening or wherever you are. I'm Dr. John Demartini.

I have the opportunity to share with you this morning,

my time Houston time this morning.

A topic that I think you'll find inspiring.

It's about loving yourself and you don't need to change. You know,

there was a famous play in New York, 'I love you just the way are,

now change.' And this is a, this topic is almost in reverse of that.

How to love yourself and not have to change.

Of course you can always change if you want, but if you don't want to,

you want to be able to love you for who you are.

One thing that I'm certain about is I've traveled and spoken around the world,

is that people want to be loved for who they are. And what's interesting,

it's easy to say that,

but many people are uncertain and really clear about what they're really about

who they really are, what they're really dedicated to, their mission,

how they want their life.

And so if there's a haze around that and un-clarity about that,

it could be confusing to other people on who you are and how you want to be.

So I'd like to talk about that today and do a little presentation on that

because everybody does deep inside,

want to be appreciated and loved for who they are. Now.

Every individual, including yourself, lives by a set of priorities,

a set of values that are unique, specific to you.

This set of values dictates how you perceive,

how you decide and how you act in life. And you have a hierarchy of values,

things that are more important to least important in your life.

Whatever's highest on the value list,

whatever's most important or highest in priority,

you are spontaneously inspired from within to act

upon it and your identity revolves around it.

So I'll give you an example. If a young boy loves his video games,

nobody has to remind him to do his video games.

He spontaneously does them and he sees himself as if he's a video master.

If you're a woman and you have three children under the age of five,

and you're 35 years old,

and your highest value is raising those beautiful children,

if somebody was to ask you, who are you, you will say,

'I'm a mother', most likely.

If you're an entrepreneur running a business and your highest

value is business entrepreneurship, if somebody asked you who you are,

even though you may be the husband of the three children and the father

you will still say entrepreneur, you probably won't say father,

the hierarchy of your values identifies you. Whatever's highest on your value,

your life and identity revolves around. Ontologically,

the study of being and becoming revolves around what we value

most. Epistemologically, the study of knowing,

what we want to know in life revolves around what we value most. Our purpose,

teleology, revolves around what we have as our highest value,

what we want to master most. , tell me what your highest value is.

And I'll tell you who you are. My highest value you can guess from my,

my track record of teaching for 47 plus years is

teaching. I'm a teacher. My identity revolves around it.

I spontaneously love doing that. I do it every day.

If I'm not doing that on researching to get information,

to want to share and teach. So tell me what your highest value is,

and I'll tell you who you are. Now, the highest value can change.

You could have a gradual shifting in values over time,

or you could have a cataclysmic of change, change your values,

but tell me what your highest value is,

and I'll still tell you who you are and what you want to be loved for.

I want to be loved and appreciated for my, my contribution in teaching.

A woman wants to be loved and appreciate for being a great mother.

The man wants to be appreciated for being an entrepreneur,

a politician a politician, singer, a singer,

whatever is really truly most valuable to you,

is what you want to be loved and appreciate for it.

But what happens if all of a sudden you meet somebody, you walk in a mall,

you meet somebody and you, you think, wow,

there's an individual that's smarter than I am, more intelligent than I am,

or more successful

in business than I am,

or wealthier or possibly has a more stable relationship or a more attractive

spouse,

or possibly have somebody that's more socially savvy and more connected in the

social media.

Or maybe somebody that's more physically fit or just beautiful or attractive or

handsome, or maybe more spiritually aware.

The moment you meet somebody that you look up to

and you compare yourself to them and kind of shrink,

when you exaggerate them and minimize you,

what'll happen instead of you living by your highest value and living by

priority and being clear about who you are, what you're committed to,

you'll meet them, minimize yourself to them, put them on a pedestal,

feel a little intimidated, compare yourself, inject some of their values.

And if it's a variety of people that you're subordinating to,

you'll bring in a whole bunch of values from other people which will cloud the

clarity of what you are and what you're dedicated to.

And you'll live vicariously trying to envy and imitate them,

living in their shadows and confusing who you are.

I teach the Breakthrough Experience,

which is a signature program I've done 1,105 times.

And as I see people every week, people say, 'you know,

I don't know what my purpose is.

I'm not sure.' They don't know who they think they are,

but I I'm absolutely certain, deep inside they know.

But what happens is they get, they get confused by the injected values,

which Freud called the superego from other people and the moment that they

subordinate to other people and get all those injected values from outside

authorities,

you automatically cloud the clarity of who you are and try to be somebody you're

not. And then you're not even loving yourself.

And then you're giving mixed readings, mixed messages to people around you.

And it's difficult for them to know who you are and what you're committed to.

And they don't know what your values are.

And then they don't know what to do except to live by their own and project

their values onto you,

which you feel unfulfilled in because they're expecting you to fulfill their

values. And you're confused and it's very common.

It's not uncommon to have people subordinate.

Now think of a time when you were really infatuated with somebody and you

started to do things that weren't normal for you to fit in with them.

And now imagine that occurring, not just in a relationship, but in all areas.

And you start sacrificing things that are important to you to be with them and

being around them and the social circle that desire to fit in instead of

stand out, makes you subordinate and dilute who you are.

And then you're lost sight of who you are. You're not loving you,

or you're not taking priority actions.

If you're not filling your day with high priority actions that really match your

highest values that are really inspiring to you every day,

you're not going to love yourself.

And if you keep infiltrating all these values from other people and all these

injected expectations from other people, and don't say no to all those,

you'll confuse and cloud and distract yourself and disempower yourself.

And you'll end up with internal negative self talk and internal dialogue of self

depreciation to let you know, you're not being you.

Whenever you're living by your highest value, your self worth goes up.

Whenever you're trying to live by somebody else's values and they're lower on

your values, your self worth goes down and then you're not loving yourself.

You're not appreciating because anybody who's filled a day with very high

priorities and stuck to priorities and got everything done that they set out to

do are more resilient, more adaptable, and more appreciative and love their day,

Go 'Wow, love myself.

I love the day.' But whenever they've been bombarded by external expectations,

distractions, low priority fire, putting fires out,

at the end of the day you go 'Whoa,

what a day.' And you're not gonna appreciate yourself.

And as a result you're going to have more volatilities and more instabilities

and more perturbations from the world around you and not appreciate yourself.

So it's very important. One of the reasons why I have on my website,

the Value Determination process, complimentary free,

please take advantage of it. Go to the dr.demartini.com.

Go and go to the value determination process.

Take the time to go through and answer 13 questions about what you

value most and do it again a week from now a month from now,

a quarter from now and every quarter,

do it again because it can tweak and it can be changed,

but you want to be honest with yourself.

The value of the exercise is to the degree of the honesty and identify what your

life truly revolves around. You know,

tell me what you do spontaneously that nobody has to remind you to do and that

tells you what you value, and whatever that is, that's what inspires you.

That's, what's meaningful to you. That's what's priority to you. That's,

what's purposeful. That's what is the most fulfilling to you.

And that is what your life revolves around.

I've been doing the Breakthrough Experience for many, many years now,

for 31 years.

And I ask people when they go in there and do their value determination,

'How many of you can see that the number one value your life revolves around

and you want that to be fulfilled?' Every hand goes up.

And so what happens is people automatically,

when they lose track of that priority, they dilute themselves,

diffract themselves, distract themselves, and then not appreciate themselves.

And then how you expecting other people to appreciate you when you're not doing

it? Until you love yourself, don't expect others to, until you value yourself,

don't expect others to, until you invest in yourself, don't expect others to,

until you fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you and take

command of your time, don't expect others to respect those priorities.

They're going to impose their priorities, and then you're going to feel like,

well, if you don't have a full day of very high priority things,

you're going to easily fall prey to extractions from others and the

interjections from others. And as a result of it,

you'll end up at the end of the day, doing everything for everybody else,

but not really getting any service accomplished that's fair exchange,

that's actually raising your self-worth or earning an income.

You're just putting fires out. So give yourself permission to be yourself.

Your identity revolves around what you value most.

And if you prioritize your day, you'll get to live it. When you do,

you'll get to love it. And you deserve to love yourself. The real you,

the true you, which is an expression of what you value most is lovable.

And the second you live, according to that, you'll feel it, you'll be inspired.

You, you go into your, your blood,

glucose and oxygen goes into your executive center.

You start to feel love and appreciation.

You start to feel more engaged in your life. You're more productive.

You're more inspired. You see a vision. You tend to strategize.

You tend to accomplish, you see things on the way, you tend to expand yourself.

You tend to emerge as a leader. You're tend to take command and live by design,

not by duty and extractions from others.

And you end up appreciating your life.

Your life appreciates in value when you value yourself,

when you live by top values,

the reason why they're called a hierarchy of values is because if you live by

your highest value, you grow in self worth and love of yourself.

If you live by lower values,

you're designed to self depreciate and not love yourself.

And what's happening is when you're constantly bombarded by the comparison

because of judging other people and putting them on pedestals,

the moment you inject their values into your life and try to be someone you're

not, you'll scatter yourself and you'll think, 'Oh, I need to fix myself.

I need to change myself.' If you look very carefully,

if you're infatuated with somebody,

think back of really high infatuation moment,

you found yourself doing stuff that's normally not a real inspiration for you.

I have a good example when I was around 20 years old,

I met in my microbiology class, this beautiful Spanish model,

and she was stunning. When I met her, I was like, Whoa,

this is amazing. I could smell her perfume. I could see her.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her. And I found myself normally during the day,

my normal routine was to study physics and chemistry and mathematics and pre-med

and histology and things of this nature.

And I met this girl and all of a sudden, I'm doing pom pom dancing.

I'm watching her do pompom dancing.

And I'm hanging out with her friends and doing things that were like really

strange for me. And I thought, wow. And after about two, three weeks of that,

I was like 'boring'. And I was trying to figure out with, come up with excuses,

how to get out of that to go back to my studies cause I was going down in my

grades. So I thought, Hmm.

So I ended up having to say things at first, I was afraid to speak up,

cause I didn't want her to leave.

I didn't want to lose her cause I was infatuated.

And this is the cost of an infatuation.

The highs and dopamine rushes of infatuation can

and make you try to be somebody you're not. And then what you do,

you want to change yourself and you think, Oh, I gotta change. I gotta fix.

I need to be like them. And by the way, most people,

because they're not fulfilled,

they get their blood glucose and oxygen goes into their amygdala.

They go down into their desire center or subcortical area of the brain.

They go into it and they get addicted to infatuations, consumption and pride.

They think they're right. They get narcissistic.

They want immediate gratification.

They'll blow money on unnecessary things to end up paying overpriced

for brands out there instead of building their own brand.

As a result of it,

they'll expect you to live in their values and punish you and judge you if you

don't, and if you're not fulfilled as a result of trying to do it,

you'll do the same thing and a chain reaction will occur.

You'll go around and proudly project your values onto others,

expect them to live in your values, which is futile,

or you expect yourself to live in other people's values, which is futile.

And the reason they're futile,

is because they don't work and you can't sustain it.

Every decision you make is based on your own values,

not somebody else's and you can't live in their values longterm and you can't

have them live in your values longterm and it's futile.

And you're constantly distracting yourself and trying to change yourself and

lose yourself and find yourself,

it's called a lost soul by the ancient theologians.

And it's because they haven't found what's really meaningful to them.

And the highest value is the most meaningful because it's the one that

strengthens your intuition,

that allows you to take any perturbation of infatuation resentment that makes

you want to sacrifice you for others or others for you,

and puts it back into balance where you can have reflective awareness and see

them as reflection and realize that they're not worth on pedestals are worth

putting in pits, they're worth putting in your heart.

And when you put them in your heart and you love them for who they are and you

don't need to change you relative to them or them relative to you,

you get on with your own mission and you exemplify what's possible and you give

them permission to do the same, which is what they want.

So then they're magnetised and want to be around you because they can feel they

can be around you and be themselves and you can be yourself.

And this is a healthy dynamic in relationship that

to. And this is what is wise to do, to find out what it is that you love doing,

that's inspiring to you, that priority and filling your day with it,

where you have the most objectivity, the most resiliency,

most reflective awareness,

and then give people permission to do the same and then communicate what you

value as an individual with your values in terms of other people's values.

So they can get what they want by being around you.

And you can get what you want by being around them.

And now you're able to be yourself without having to change or have to change

them.

Because all the energy trying to get them to change and live in your eyes will

be futile. Be just spended energy. Won't get you anywhere,

almost anybody in a marriage knows that that doesn't work.

But what works is communicating what you value in terms of what they value,

and honouring what they value in terms of what you value.

And that is the linking process that you want to ask,

'How specifically is who they are, who they really want to be,

how's it helping me fulfill what I want to be,

who I am and my highest values?' And if I link those values between

me and them, I get to be me and I don't have to change.

And I get to love myself for who I am.

And I think that's the the mastery of life.

So you want to give yourself permission to be yourself, as again,

you'll never be great being second. You know, as Einstein said,

if you're a cat trying to be a fish, you're going to fail as a fish, swimming.

If you're a fish trying to climb a tree like a cat,

you're going to feel like you're a failure.

But if you honor yourself for who you are, you'll excel. And I'm a teacher.

I just stick to my core competency. I'm I'm good at it. I love doing it.

It's what I do every day. I can't wait to learn. I can't wait to research.

Can't wait to write, can't wait to teach. What is that you love doing?

And when you're doing that, and by the way,

if you're single or married soon to be single,

just know that when you're doing something you really love,

that's when you're more likely to attract somebody that matches that.

Cause you don't have to put on a facade. So many people go out to clubs,

try to pick somebody up, putting on a facade,

then worry about losing that facade and being loved for who they are.

And then when they change, and all of a sudden, the person feels,

well the way you changed on me. And both people are living in facades.

And so that's the densest way to live,

but being enlightened enough to be able to be yourself and love that and live by

priority. Wow. And if you, for some reason, think you've ever made a mistake,

when I've gone in and in the Breakthrough Experience and in all my programs,

I've found that when people think they've made a mistake and when they come to

Breakthrough, when they do the Demartini Method,

which is a science of love for yourself.

If you do the Demartini Method on yourself,

which is a series of questions to help you become conscious of unconscious

information about yourself, to help you appreciate yourself. If you do,

you realize that all the things you thought were mistakes aren't you thought

they were mistakes because you were attempting to live in somebody else's

values, but you're actually living in your own.

And when you finally realize that and love that,

you don't have to sit down and think you made a mistake.

The only time people make mistakes around you are when you expect them to live

in your values or somebody else's values,

they don't make mistakes in their values.

They make mistakes when you compare their actions based on their values,

when somebody else's values. So you don't really make a mistake,

there's nothing wrong with you. If for some reason you thought that there's,

there's something missing in you or something lacking in you,

you're self depreciating or whatever,

it's because you're trying to be somebody you're not, that's all.

And the moment you get to be true to yourself, that subsides.

You get to love yourself. And I think that's what it's about.

All my programs are designed for that.

The Breakthrough Experience is designed for that,

the Value Determination process is designed for that. Everything is,

one of these webinars that I do and live time programs I do.

Everything is designed to help you self actualize your life,

to evolve your consciousness, to appreciate,

to expand your awareness and potential in life.

That's all I've been interested since I was 18 years old was that really,

the focus of that and health.

And so I'm a firm believer that if you just give yourself permission to be you

and who you are is what you value most.

The hierarchy of your values dictates your destiny.

Tell me what you value most I'll tell you where you're headed.

That's where you're going to excel.

That's where you're going to be most fulfilled.

That's where you're gonna have the most broadened experience.

That's where you're going to build momentum and achieve the most.

So give yourself permission to be you. Who you are,

is an expression of your highest values. Find out what those are.

Go on the website, find those out, look at them again and again.

Cause sometimes you'll lie to yourself at first about what you think is

important, but look at what your life demonstrates.

I'm not interested in what you say. I'm interested what you live.

I can make up all kinds of stuff about what's important to me,

but my life demonstrates that I research and teach every day.

So I don't want to sit down and lie to myself about what I'm doing.

Be honest with what it is. If it's raising a family, be honest with yourself.

If it's running a business, be honest with yourself, don't beat yourself up.

Don't don't let your mother who never was focused on business,

dedicated to raising kids,

impose their values on you if you're dedicated to a business,

don't try to fit and sit there and feel guilty, 'I should be doing that.

I ought to be doing that.' Anytime you hear yourself saying, I should.

I ought to, I'm supposed to, I got to, I have to. I must. I need to,

that's an injected value of some outside authority that you subordinated to and

it's clouding the clarity of who you are.

And you're now feeling an internal conflict between who you really are,

which is worthy of love and the persona that you think you're supposed to wear.

The whole idea of a persona,

which is mask and facade in personal development is breaking through the

personas and getting on to ontological being, a human being, authentic,

being who you really are. So it's not about comparing yourself to others.

It's about comparing your daily actions to your own highest values and sticking

to priorities and giving yourself permission to do

You'll appreciate yourself.

You realize that you have major contributions the way you are,

in whatever form it is, whether it be social political,

whether it be spiritual, whether it be business, whether it be raising a family,

whether it be some sort of health and fitness thing,

whether it be intellectual pursuits,

whether it be socializing and social contribution or whatever

it may be, a combination. Just know that the true you,

the magnificence of who you are far exceeds any fantasy you'll impose on

yourself. So love yourself. You don't need to change.

I was jokingly because a lot of people are sitting in a Corona world right now,

sitting maybe at their homes or whatever.

I've been in a hotel room for quite a while till my ship comes available,

but in the process of doing it,

you don't need to be somebody other than you and believe it or not,

people will love you for that. You've may have never tested it out.

You might surprise yourself. And if they do,

it'll be the people that really care about you anyway.

So give yourself permission to be you. The most magnificence is that.

And nobody else is going to be greater at that than you.

You don't need to be somebody else.

Why be second at being somebody else when you can be first at being you?

Now there's a very important thing that I want to share with you also,

is a gift, every time I do these live times, I try to contribute a gift.

And this one is your Astronomical Vision,

Awakening Your Astronomical Vision. Now,

the reason I do that is because that's a live presentation that I did at a

planetarium in front of a YPO group.

And this was a very inspiring evening presentation about expanding

yourself and giving yourself permission to be magnificent, not insignificant.

So if you're interested in being greater than,

,greater in capacity to being even more authentic in your life,

if you want to have a bigger vision, if you want to make a bigger difference,

if you want to prioritize your life and liberate yourself from the bondage and

baggage of low priority things that depreciate yourself,

then please take advantage of this, this beautiful gift. It's simply,

you got a demartini.ink/perfect to claim it, it's a $50 gift.

I'm absolutely certain if you listen to it particularly more than once,

it'll open up a doorway of opportunity for you that you may not have seen.

It'll make you see yourself on a bigger scale.

You'll give yourself permission to make a bigger difference.

I've asked people of all different walks of life,

all different scales and social statuses.

How many of you want to make a difference? Everybody wants to make a difference,

but you won't make a difference fitting in.

You're going to make a different standing out.

So take advantage of the Awaking Your Astronomical Vision,

because the true you is a celestial being,

having a terrestrial experience more so than a terrestrial being having a

celestial view.

So just wanted to share with you that spend some time with your day and please

take advantage of the gift. And thank you for joining me today.

Just know you are worthy of love, no matter what you've done or not done,

you're worthy of love.

[Inaudible].

Thank you for joining me for this presentation today.

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