Aleeta Gardner: [00:00:00] Pay attention to the thoughts.

Right. One of the things we know I did was I would have whole conversations in my head of, this person's gonna say this, and that person's gonna say that. I literally would put out, I'm waiting for the arguments, rebuttal and all that stuff. And I had it all in my head. And I would have these conversations in my head for, if this person says this, then this is gonna be my comeback.

Or this is that, or if that person might say that one. So, you know, so I'm gonna stay away from this one. I had to get control of my thinking, and I was like, you're making this stuff up. You know, I realized half the stuff that I'm battling, it truly was a battlefield of the mind. I was making a lot of stuff up to be true and it wasn't, right?

So the biggest thing I had to learn, and it's an everyday battle, is controlling my thoughts controlling my thoughts and my thought process. Right. And it's one of the things that we say, it is so easy to think negative because [00:01:00] it's easier, right? And people say it's easier. It's our default most of the times because what's the old saying?

You know, don't get your hopes up too high. That way you don't get disappointed. And so we have a tendency to think that because we wanna walk that even if we're like, I don't wanna be negative, you're gonna walk the middle ground, but it takes the same amount of time and energy to think, what if it does work out right?

You know what if it does work? And so that is the thing I've had to shift my mindset to not be, you know, well, if it doesn't work out, then this is what I'm gonna do. Right? To, you know, what, this is how I wanted to work out. Or releasing the control of saying, this is how it's supposed to work out. And just like, you know what? I can only control how I work through this process.

I can't control the process.​

Christy Rutherford: [00:02:00] Welcome everyone to While She's Winning. I am your host, Christy Rutherford, and today we have the phenomenal, brilliant, articulate, dynamic, exceptional Aleeta Gardner. Aleeta is an innovative, why am I yelling?

Aleeta Gardner: I dunno. No idea what you do.

Christy Rutherford: Hold on. Aleeta is an innovative information technology project and operations senior leader and change agent.

With more than 20 years of experience across her career, she has been known for mobilizing teams to solve complex issues and align technology with business and [00:03:00] client needs. A strategic and tactical leader, Aleeta brings a unique portfolio, comprised of experience leading transformational and cultural change across global companies spanning multiple industries.

Prior to her work at Navy Federal Credit Union, she re-architect the company's financial data warehouse program as a senior systems analyst for XO communications, successfully reducing data, transmission and reconciliation errors of accounting and finance by 40%. Okay. She got the longest bio. It's almost longer than mine.

All right.

Aleeta Gardner: I'm gonna cut to the chase, so we can start.

Christy Rutherford: Okay. No, no, nope. I gotta give you, I gotta give it to you. As a company leader and influencer, Aleeta has brought her leadership to the nonprofit organization My brother's House, Inc. Board of directors as the treasurer. She is highly involved in professional organizations, including Aneeta B Org and Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority incorporated.

Her professional experience is complimented by her Bachelor of Arts and Government and [00:04:00] politics and project manager professional and leading S A F E Agile certifications outside of her professional experience. She additionally served as an advocate for the Year UP program. I love Year Up for Navy Federal Credit Union and volunteers her time as a mentor for underprivileged youth with area churches and student leadership programs.

Welcome Aleeta.

Aleeta Gardner: Thank you.

Christy Rutherford: All right, so here we are. Welcome. T D I F. Now tell us, because this is why she's winning, and you winning. So what was going on with you when you were like, you know what, I wanna change, I wanna do something different. What was going on?

Aleeta Gardner: I was stuck, I was stuck. Right? I knew bios are great, but it was true. And so I could not get out of the place where I was like, I couldn't go higher. Right? And in that process, I was constantly checking myself like, is it me? [00:05:00] You know, is it me? Is it me? And so, that's what it was like, am I stopping myself? I'm looking around and I'm like, well, why is this person going and this person going?

So the only common denominator is myself. So I just started kinda looking within myself, and then I had a really good friend of mine say, you know what you need to get with other women so that you could, you know, to coach. And that's where it was like, okay, I'm open. When I came to a space of, hey, I'm open for anything anybody can tell me so that I can get to the next place. Cuz clearly my mind wasn't getting me there.

Christy Rutherford: Hmm. Clearly. So what. I love it, right? Because at a certain point in leadership, we have to be willing to look in the mirror and say, is it me? Because the problem is the world will give you a million reasons to point at other people. Right.

There's an article that will give you a million reasons to justify why it's everybody else.

And then when I [00:06:00] see these memes on LinkedIn, which are hysterical, what it talks about, what a leadership be, and I'm like, but who are you? Right, we're always looking at everybody else.

So what did you learn? You know, I would say what was most shocking to you when you started to look within, and see yourself.

Aleeta Gardner: That, my tagline, a lot of my friends know, my tagline is, you know, I don't bother anybody. You know, I'm a business. I don't bother anybody. And as we started breaking things down and so, I always felt like, you know, people are bullying me. Cuz I just sit there, I just do, you know, I do what I need to do.

And then when we started breaking down, they realized that, you know, sometimes I was starting some of those fight, sometimes I was the one who was instigating things. Right. That was probably the main thing. And then when I, again looked at myself, there were moments when, yeah, something probably could have been said, but it doesn't mean it should have been said.

It doesn't mean that I'm always the one that needs to say it. And [00:07:00] sometimes it just doesn't need to be said at all. Just, you know, let it ride. Stuff will work itself out. So that was, I think, the biggest revelation for me.

Christy Rutherford: So let's talk about you know, did I talk to you on the phone? Did I say something offensive? Because everybody say, I always say something offensive. I don't remember. So, did I call you a name or was I nice to you when we talked?

Aleeta Gardner: You weren't nice. You didn't call me a name either. You weren't nice

Christy Rutherford: So, I wasn't nice?

Aleeta Gardner: Yeah. No. Mm-hmm.

Christy Rutherford: What did I say? Do you remember?

Aleeta Gardner: I remember you saying, I mean, we went through the whole thing and you were like, you said you're bored. Oh. Yeah. You were like, you're bitter. And I'm like, I didn't think I was bitter. Right. I'm like, I am. I was like, I'm bitter. But I mean, I definitely knew I was bored and that was one of the things that, two of the things you said.

Christy Rutherford: Okay, great. Bitter and bored. [00:08:00] So what were you bored? Right? Like, was it true? Go ahead.

Aleeta Gardner: It was true. I was absolutely bored and that's why I said I was hitting my head up against the ceiling. Right. One of the things one of the books that I read, it was saying conformity, right when our biggest things is conforming, and that's what I was doing.

I was trying to conform to what I should be conforming to in the space that I was in. And I was bored and I guess my, I was acting out in a professional way, like a little kid, get any kinda attention or whatever. I was acting out in a professional manner, but I absolutely was bored because I was trying to conform to the space that I was in.

Christy Rutherford: Okay, great. Let's talk about conformity. I'm not gonna agree. I feel like I've asked five questions in seven minutes. You gotta slow down a little bit cause I'm like, bam bam bam. Don't be nervous. This is a professional interview, right? Like you have a brain, you're a professional, you're a leader, you have [00:09:00] a team. If anybody knows me, they know I don't.

Even if I send y'all the questions ahead of time, I'm not gonna hardly ask you what I send you. So that's pointless. So don't be nervous.

Aleeta Gardner: And I didn't get any questions ahead of time. So yeah, we just really winning this one, no one knows so.

Christy Rutherford: And we were all 15 minutes early. We didn't talk about what we was gonna talk about.

So, let's talk about conformity, cuz that seems to be your new lesson that you've learned about yourself, right? And Earl Nightingale talks about it in a Strangest Secret. So what, you know, if you had to now you learned the lesson, then you became the lesson because it's starting to seep in and that's your new thing, like, that's new apple that you're chewing on.

What, you know, what can you teach the listeners or the readers about what you learned about, you know, conforming.

Aleeta Gardner: It's not a good thing. Right? It's not a good thing. I think we conform one of the things in his book that he says, you know, if you ask someone, you know, why do I get [00:10:00] up every morning?

Right? And they'll say well, cuz everyone else does, right? And there are things in life that you have to do in life. It's just what it is. But that conformity will keep you in a space and you'll never be able to spread your wings. You will never be able to do what you are supposed to do, right?

So if I'm looking at the person beside me and I'm doing what they're doing, when do I ever find time to figure out what I'm supposed to do? And it's the cliche of, you know, if both of you are the same, there's only need for one of you. So that's what I learned. And so one of the biggest things that I was getting people were telling me and it's because of conformity.

I ask questions. I challenge questions because if it doesn't make sense to me, then I wanna know why. Right? But what I was being told was, a lot of times, oh, you're being aggressive, right? Oh, you're not a team player. And I was starting to [00:11:00] believe that, right? That's why I was looking in the mirror and I was like, you know, maybe I'm not a team player, even though in the back of my mind I'm like, you just aren't making sense.

We're just doing this because we're doing it. We don't know why we're doing it. And so to hear that says, okay, it's not me. Now I say that in the same vein cuz sometimes again, I was probably the one who was instigating things. Cuz not everything has to change. When you want it to change or not, everything needs to change.

But that was the biggest thing of not letting people tell me, shh, be quiet. Just go with the flow because. Even though I knew my past experience of the reason people call me to be on teams, the reasons people ask me to come contribute is because I ask questions. It's because I will push through.

That's not conforming. So, it's not a good thing. You don't get things accomplished, great things accomplished. How about that?

Christy Rutherford: All [00:12:00] right. All right. So, you know, one of the things he says is that, you know, the majority of people conform Napoleon Hill calls a hypnotic rhythm. And he says, the problem is we're acting like the wrong percentage group, like most people conform.

And so I think about, after going through my coaching program and having my initial awakening mess around with Oprah, and then I went back into my office, and put my uniform back on with the Coast Guard and I was so happy, right? Unicorn rider, butterflies are coming out rainbows. And that made people nervous because based on my rank and my title and my position, I should be stressed out and tight.

Does that make sense? So I'm happy and I'm laughing and they would all be nervous and they would just standing there looking at me and I know it was funny. Leader, you know I'm funny, right? So, and I know what I just said was funny and they would be like this, and right when I walked off, they would laugh or they would be like this, why is she so happy?

So sometimes as adults we get caught in this expectation [00:13:00] of if you're in this position, we can't possibly be happy and effective. Right? Like, and I mean super weirdly happy and effective, and we allow the energy of the office or the culture to bring us back to a box that we're supposed to be in, which eventually, you know, it makes you aggressive.

Aleeta Gardner: Right after that. Yeah. It's time to get out, right?

Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Okay. Let's get this sleeve in order. Okay, so you said, all right, so what about being bitter? Was that true?

Aleeta Gardner: I don't know. I haven't found that out yet. But again, I'm open to it. I I think.

Christy Rutherford: It's not Are you bitter? It is were you bitter based on where you are now? Or you don't know because I'll tell you, but go ahead.

Aleeta Gardner: Yeah, I mean, maybe, I mean, I guess so, because when you look around and you're like, well, wait a minute, you know, why am I still [00:14:00] here? Wait a minute, how did that person get that? Or, and it's not that you're not happy for them, you're just kind of realizing you're thinking, but they may have done less or they may have done the same thing, so why isn't it happening for me.

Right. In so many different aspects in life. So when I look at that, that is probably the definition of bitter. If I cannot say, oh, it's okay, you know, you can, I mean, feel it because I'll say it in a heartbeat. Oh, it's good as everybody. Okay. You know? But yeah. So for that to be the definition of bitter, then yeah, I was.

Christy Rutherford: All right, let's give a definition of bitterness since you know, you, apparently you ain't gonna look in the mirror. It's all right. So.

Aleeta Gardner: Probably, I wasn't bitter. Go ahead.

Christy Rutherford: Okay. Oh, yes you were. Oh, yes you were. And here's the thing, right? Because bitterness to me is gonna mean different than, so I wanna quantify it right?

Because I'm not being like, Aleeta, you know, you was bitter and you're like, I don't know what you're talking about, Willis.[00:15:00] So, when I called you bitter, when I made bitter, I wrote down this seething underlying discontent.

Does that make sense?

Aleeta Gardner: And I was bitter, I'm absolutely was. You got it. Bitter.

Christy Rutherford: Okay, great. Moving on, it's a underlying small current of energy that's running, you know what I'm saying? Like seething. And it is not necessarily a bad thing, you know, if we can discover it, but it's like, what you are being sold the pack of goods that you were being sold and what you were living, wasn't what you wanted. Right. Does that make sense?

And it's not necessarily as personally and professionally, it's like you see your soul knows how you want to feel. Your soul knows the path, the freedom, and you're being fed a pack of stuff on conforming you like this, I don't know if I like that. Does that make sense? But you're still in the [00:16:00] environment and I would unable to change it in the moment because if you are not reacting, or your mind has been hijacked in the game. Does that make sense?

So it's hard to be able to communicate yourself out of it or move people out of conformity that don't wanna be there, so it's not necessarily, you know, professionally related. It's everything, right?

So you say, yeah, you were?

Aleeta Gardner: Yes, absolutely. 100%.

Christy Rutherford: So let's talk about it, right? Like what advice, or I would say, what's one thing that you did to be able to bring yourself out of it? What was most surprising to you? Or what's one action that you took to be able to shift your mindset to where you are right now?

Aleeta Gardner: Pay attention to the thoughts, right? One of the things we know I did was I would have whole conversations in my head of this person's gonna say this, and that person's gonna say that. I [00:17:00] literally would put out, I'm waiting for the arguments, rebuttal and all that stuff. And I had it all in my head. And I would have these conversations in my head for, if this person says this, then this is gonna be my comeback.

Or this is that. Or if that person might say that one. So, you know, so I'm gonna stay away from this one. I had to get control of my thinking, and I was like, you're making this stuff up. You know, I realized half the stuff that I'm battling, it truly was a battlefield of the mind I was making a lot of stuff up to be true and it wasn't, right.

So the biggest thing I had to learn, and it's an everyday battle, is controlling my thoughts, controlling my thoughts and my thought process. Right. And it's one of the things that we say it is so easy to think negative because it's easier, right? And people say it's easier. It's our default most of the times because what's the old saying?

You know, don't get your hopes up too high. That way you don't get disappointed. And [00:18:00] so we have a tendency to think that because we wanna walk that even if we're like, I don't wanna be negative, you're gonna walk the middle ground but it takes the same amount of time and energy to think, what if it does work out right?

You know what if it does work? And so that is the thing I've had to shift my mindset to not be, you know, well, if it doesn't work out, then this is what I'm gonna do. Right? To, you know what, this is how I wanted to work out. Or releasing the control of saying, this is how it's supposed to work out. And just like, you know what, I can only control how I work through this process.

I can't control the process. So it really is a big thing of controlling that mindset. And it's an everyday thing, right? And honestly, I'll say my brother who was quitting smoking, he said, this is not a every day, they tell you one day at a time. He said, it's an hour at a time.

He said, literally, it's an hour at a time. And some days it's like that. It's an hour at a time. You're good. [00:19:00] You're good. You go in something happens and you know, then that old self comes be like, what? Switching that mindset to constantly know where my mind is. What are you thinking?

You know, what are the thoughts? Earl Nightingale, he does say, you know, our brain, it's like the ground, whatever you plant, that's what's gonna grow. it doesn't care. Your mind doesn't care what you're gonna plant. It can plant, you know, good or bad. He said, you know, if you put corn in the ground in nightshade, which is a deadly poison, the ground is gonna return both of them.

And if you water it and you feed it, the ground is gonna return whatever it is that you plant. And that's how your mind is. Whatever you put in your mind, whatever seed you put in your mind, whatever you feed it, that's what's going to grow. So it has been a total change to be like, stop going to the negative side, go to the positive side.

Cuz it could work out mo most likely it is gonna work out. Right. Just like if it's not gonna work out, it is gonna work.

Christy Rutherford: Woo God. All right, [00:20:00] Aleeta teach them that Nightingale. I hear you.

Aleeta Gardner: Really?

Christy Rutherford: Yes, I'm going there. Okay. Teresa say, please stop at the definition too close to home. Don't be mad, Teresa.

These Vision Finder Masterclass women be over here and be like this. Don't be don't be angry. Own it, girl. Well, you ain't mad no more. You remember though. So .

Aleeta Gardner: Hot.

Christy Rutherford: I mean, I'm just saying don't be mad own it because you can't change what you can't see. Righr? Before we even dig, you know, a little deeper into it, if I called you bitter, it was up to you. Cause I talked to a lot of women and you know, I'm bringing it.

Cause you can't change what you're unwilling to admit. Does that make sense? And so you was like, I called you bored, bitter. I think I started yelling. I probably called you like 10 other things. And it is only to get you to see your reality and at that point you have to say,[00:21:00]

I don't really like this lady, which is most, which is the conversation. But maybe what she's saying about me is true, but I also give you what you can be if you choose to do the work. Does that make sense? And you have to make the decision and be like, I don't really know. I don't really like that, but let's see what happens.

Does that make sense? And some women get mad when I tell them that they can make more money legit angry. Like, how dare I? If they've had this inner dialogue and this narrative that, and they're watching the Forbes or the Bloomberg or the McKenzie studies that say that women are gonna suffer.

They go to church and the church is telling them that they should always be going through something and they're reading all these articles that's saying that women are gonna lose. And I come in here talking about, you know, you contribute your salary, and they're like, they actually get angry. And we get off the phone and they choose to stay where they are.

So one, I just wanna applaud you for, you know, [00:22:00] proving me right one. Two is like, you know, choosing Aleeta to do something different because where you were wasn't working.

Aleeta Gardner: Absolutely. It wasn't. And that's a whole thing, and one of the things that we definitely, we say, oh, we're gonna triple, but then we go in and we start itself.

Right. Because as you say, you can make money and still be crazy, right? And so, and it's not a good place. You know, get to a place of peace and calm first, and then it'll start to come. It'll start to work, it'll start to work itself out. But you can just be going for, we can always go for money.

There's money all around us, right? But go for the peace first. Get ahold of yourself first, so that you know, you know how to work through it all that. And say, cuz life is more than just that dollar sign. It works, you know, they say money can't bring happiness. No, but it makes misery a whole lot easier to deal with.

Please believe that. But you've gotta [00:23:00] get a hold of your mind and yourself first before you add anything else to.

Christy Rutherford: Mm mm I'm on mute. All right, I hear you. I hear you over here preaching. Because here's the thing, did you believe that was true before you started doing the work?

Aleeta Gardner: The dollar amount? No. I still am kind of like, okay, but let's do it. You know, I'm not, I wasn't about to be like, oh, no. Okay. Well, if you say it, I mean, I've never seen it, but if you say it, then clearly, you know, it must exist.

So let's go with it. Like I said, one of the biggest things that I had to understand is my mindset can only get me so far. It was causing me to go on a loop, right? So I needed someone else to help me think things through. Help me get there, get to the next place.

Christy Rutherford: So you know the dollar amount cuz I gave you [00:24:00] a astronomical amount, which is true. Right? Whether you believe it, right?

Did you believe that? You know, like what you said was so good, you said get your mindset right first and the money will come. You said money is everywhere. Did you hear yourself say that?

I was like, whooo. Right?

Cause a lot of time women and men, but people think that if I get the money, I'll get the peace.

Aleeta Gardner: Right. No.

Christy Rutherford: If I get the money first, then I'll take care of my mental health. If I get the money first, then I'll take care of my physical health. If I get the money first, then I'll be magically happy and I'll run down the beach butt naked.

You know what I'm saying? Like, and they don't think that joy and freedom and peace can be obtained in the moment if you get that, then the money chases you. So what are your thoughts on that? I just want you to expand on that belief. You know, your before and after. Like, did you believe that was true before you started doing the work?

Aleeta Gardner: I think no. [00:25:00] No, I didn't. I didn't because, yeah, you send this thing of, you know, like, you know, if I had this, then I wouldn't need to deal with, you know, I wouldn't have to deal with that, but no, who said it? I don't know. But more money, more problems. I don't know which rapper said that.

That was a good problem to have.

Christy Rutherford: That was Biggie Smalls.

Aleeta Gardner: Alright. Okay. I'm a Tupac fan anyway, so not like I said, we still have a ways to go, but, no. Because here's the thing, you'll be chasing that dollar and you'll make wrong decisions, right? If your mind is not right, you'll be taking opportunities that are not meant for you to have, and then you're gonna be chasing it and trying to figure out, well, why won't it come to me?

Cuz it wasn't meant for you to have, you were making decisions out of, you know, you were not making the right decision because you were so busy chasing that dollar. We all know well, I'm not, we all know I don't wanna put on everybody, but you know, when you first come outta school and you're not making that much, you [00:26:00] make decisions based on money.

And so you didn't always make the best decisions right on your need and being desperate. And that's what happens a lot of the times when you just chase that dollar, you're not gonna make the right decisions because your mind's not in the right place. So, if you are calm and you're like, you know what? I mean, I know I want this, but it's gonna cost me too much stress.

You can say no to stuff. And when you can say no to stuff, when the right thing comes, you can concentrate just on that one thing, and that can take you to the next place.

Christy Rutherford: All right, Robin, you hear leader over here teaching. Lead over here. The professor. Give you a bar in the back. Be like this, get up and draw some stick figures and let us know what you're thinking.

Aleeta Gardner: Please y'all.

Christy Rutherford: So one of the things that you said, you said you had to shift your mindset from thinking negative because you said it's easier to think negative.

That's now, that's as don'ts. [00:27:00] You can't convince a kid to think negative like all the time. Kids are resilient. Kids forgive easy. Like they can fight somebody on the playground. They be playing 30 minutes later. Does that make sense?

As adults, we've let that stuff go because of what our parents have taught us because of what the environment has said, because of what the media and, you know, we're being influenced by all these outside things.

So you said it's easier to think negative, but the scripture says, if the person can think with the mind of a child, that's how you get into the kingdom of heaven. Something like that, right? Like, you know, it's the mind of the child. The child is easy to forgive, resilient, don't necessarily believe. Like you can't tell my niece when she pick out her own outfit.

I mean, she's pretty good now, but you know how these kids be picking out these tutu and these cowboy boots in like a cow shirt or something like that, and you just be like, my God, you can't tell these kids. They're not the cleanest people in the world. Does that make sense?

And they walk around with it, it's summertime, a hundred degrees outside. They wearing cowboy boots, right? You cannot [00:28:00] tell them that they're not the bomb. And so eventually over time we start to believe the stuff that people say about us, and we start to adopt the limitations of limited thinking people, and we start to wear a cloak of misery that's not even ours.

Right? So you said it's easy to think negative, and then you said you had to start saying, well, what if it does work? And so I think it's Florence Scovel Shinn said, or somebody said, you can't plan for failure and expect success.

Aleeta Gardner: Mm-hmm. That's true.

Christy Rutherford: So a lot of people are planning for failure. Cause you're really planning for failure because you say it's not gonna work because now you're having a whole internal dialogue. If they say this, I'm gonna say this, they say this, I'm gonna say this, and then you're not gonna get it. And then when you don't get it, it's a self-fulfilled prophecy.

So, what has changed for you since you've started to, you know, capture that inner dialogue in your mind? What are some of the things that have happened for you?

Aleeta Gardner: One of the things that [00:29:00] we said was, you know, like, we don't go looking for jobs and interviews and that type of thing, right? And I'm like, really? Right? I'm like, okay.

Christy Rutherford: We gotta tell all your business though. I don't want you to tell them all here.

Aleeta Gardner: I'm not, I'm not, we'll keep people may have run when you sit back. And not just that. There are other things in life that I probably stressed a lot over, that when I stopped stressing, they really started to appear. And it's the craziest thing, right?

It's the craziest thing, cuz I never believed that it would happen, things would happen. But I did notice that once I just stopped thinking, well, it's not gonna happen. Right? And just kind of thought, well, you know what, okay, if it happens, great. If it doesn't, or let's just see. , it just started happening.

Things just started to appear. And people would say that, and I never would believe them. I would be like, okay, you know, but [00:30:00] I'm seeing it, right? I'm seeing opportunities. I'm seeing people pop up that maybe I would on the normal circumstances, because again, I'm like, I'm not dealing with that person.

Did they really do anything to me? No. I just was kind of in my way answering phone calls and just opportunities professional and personal, just opening up, right? So yeah, that's what I started just let it, that control thing is huge, right? Again, you know, you have to go through the process, but trying to control the process is where you have to let go.

And when you let go of that, I forgot, I think it was Florence. What's her name Florence Chavo?

Christy Rutherford: Florence Scovel Shinn.

Aleeta Gardner: That's it. In one of her books, it makes a statement says, you know, God's ways are ingenious and his ways are sure. And just like yesterday, something had happened and literally through a series of [00:31:00] events, this person canceled.

So I did this and I did this, and because I did that, I showed up at the right place and there was this person there. It literally is, right? You gotta truly let go, right? Let go and stop trying to control stuff and trust that God's way is sure. And you can't even put all the pieces together, even if you tried.

Right. If you tried, you couldn't. And so, letting go. Right? And letting go doesn't mean not doing any work. That is not what that means, right? You still have to go through the process, you know? But like I said, don't try to control the process, and then you'll see the things just starting to happen.

And if it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to. And you've gotta accept that and keep it moving too.

Christy Rutherford: Oh, I'm trying to figure out what to title you now. You need a title. I mean, this teacher over here is dropping nuggets. If y'all ain't taking notes, shame on you.

So, but here's the [00:32:00] thing, and this is what we talk about and what I talk about in Inner Circle, and even with the Vision Finder masterclass, I want y'all to start to live the information.

Right? Like you are start, you are the information, you are the quotes that you're quoting. There's a difference between people who, you know, quote stuff or will quote scripture, but you're not the scripture, right? This is complete side and we're gonna come back to this control thing.

But how has this experience, you know, been for you? Because it's still magical and it's still unfolding, right? Like, you just finished, I think a month or two ago, the Vision Finder masterclass, and now you're with the inner Circle. So it's like, how has the shift been for you with regards to now remembering the information and then knowing, learning, knowing, doing, be.

I always say that how we, especially sisters, we got all these degrees. We get stuck in learning, knowing, learning, knowing now you're doing the [00:33:00] information. Now you're being the information. Because now stuff is starting to pop up and you texting me, talking about, I ain't believe it, but it happened.

You'd be like, great. Keep proving me right. So what has that, you know what is that shift been like for you? I would say in your overall quality of life?

Aleeta Gardner: I'm, of course I'm gonna say it's calmer, right. It's calmer, and that piece is huge. I'm not, like I said, I have moments where I might be like, you know, but I have to remind myself, you know what, cut it out.

You know, you getting all this way and that way. It's not gonna help the process. It's not gonna help anything. So life is a lot calmer. It's a lot more enjoyable.

I mean, that's what it is. And I think the biggest thing is that's within myself, right? It's not like an outer thing per se that has changed, [00:34:00] but within myself, and here's the other thing too. This is kind of, sort of, but the company I keep, right? The company I keep.

I realize that, I don't always have to answer that phone call. Right? I don't always have to take on that person's problem. Right? I don't even always have to listen to it. Cuz sometimes we put this cape on, right? This hero, oh, I gotta do this for that person, or, you know, they're gonna be calling me to do this, and they're gonna be calling you that.

And that's an ego, that's a personal ego thing that you're dealing with. So when I step back and stop worrying about everybody else, right, and, oh, you gotta do this, it made life a lot easier. It doesn't mean that I'm not here to help when someone needs some help, right. But it doesn't mean that I have to take it on, right?

That's one. The other side of it, it also it's okay to ask for help too, [00:35:00] right? When you're at peace, you're not worried about what somebody's necessarily thinking about you. If I'm like, you know what? Can you do this? Or can you do that? I don't worry about it. Versus before I'm thinking, well, I have to do this, and everybody expects you to have it together and everybody expects you to do this and that, just it's okay to just be human, right, and that's made life just a lot easier for me.

Christy Rutherford: Okay, plan. I'll see you. I see you, answering these phone calls. Okay, let's get back to control. Right? With 35 minutes to the interview, be like, let's talk about how to release control. But she's talked about it. Your whole experience. You asked, how did I get this topic? You be like, you have no idea.

Right? Because you are like the epitome, you're living the experience of not trying to control everything, which is why you were bitter.

Aleeta Gardner: Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't working. It's like, why it's not working. You're right. This is what?

Christy Rutherford: Let's go back to that.

Aleeta Gardner: [00:36:00] Right.

Christy Rutherford: No, go ahead. What were you gonna say?

Aleeta Gardner: No, I'm like, why isn't this working? This is how it's supposed to be, whether it's textbook or whether it's, this is what's supposed to happen because this is what happened over here and this and that. Yeah. It's exhausting. This exhausting.

Christy Rutherford: So you're looking at everybody else's journey talking about, well, what about me? But that was not your journey.

That's the journey that you thought was good for you based on who they told you that you should have been. But God's plan is right here. So you over here looking at them, right?

And even they may not even be on a path, but you're like, if I have this thing, cuz we're taught, right?

Like your mom is brewing. You're taught if I do this, if I do this, I'm gonna get this. If I do this, I'm gonna get this. And if I do this, I should expect this. And it's not necessarily, I mean, you have the things, you're brilliant, you're professionally accomplished. But you're not as happy as you can be.

Right. You're not as you don't have [00:37:00] the levels of happiness that are accessible to you, but you have not accessed them yet because you're over here. And so what you said was Florence Scovel Shinn, God's weight is Sure. So then you're like, okay, so Christy be talking about this Skittles and Skittles life and this rott his unicorn and, you know,

Aleeta Gardner: And rainbows, this is not real. Right, right.

Christy Rutherford: These rainbows and butterflies life. I think she hot and drink a lot of coffee, but I kind of like it.

And she was like, it's not possible for me. And now you're like, oh my God, I'm living it. Like it's starting to unfold like real fast in front of you, right?

And so now you've shifted into one of the things that you said is not going to help with the process. I was like, whoa. Because now you're over here in the wonderment and the curiosity of what God has in store for you. So it's a little bit more exciting because you're like, if you open yourself up to receive what God has for you, you're not looking over here at people anymore.

You be like let me [00:38:00] get into alignment. Let me keep my thoughts in order. Let me keep my words in order, and I'm going to expect greater, even if I don't know what's gonna happen. It's like Christmas every day.

Aleeta Gardner: Yep.

Christy Rutherford: Go ahead.

Aleeta Gardner: The words are, that's the other piece, right? You know, your thought process and then the words.

It's so funny. It's so funny. My friend Chantel and I used to say greater is coming, but now she always says Greater is here, right? Chantel always, I'm like, oh, even if I get like, ugh, she'll always say, don't worry about it, greater is here. And that's where you have to live. And you have to live in the here, it is here.

It's not coming. It is here. We move from, it's coming to, it is here. Right? And that's the thing. You have to live in that present moment and all that, that present moment brings to you. It doesn't mean you don't plan for the future, right? But you have to live in what's in front of you right now, right?

Because it's good right now, right? If you're always [00:39:00] looking over here or over there, you never get to appreciate what's right in front of you. So yeah, greater is here. Yeah.

Christy Rutherford: Okay. Greater is here living in the moment. I'm so happy for you. Right? I'm so like, and the thing about, you know, the process and the journey is, you know, even though we're still, you know, we're still connected, right? It is like, I remember who you were in the beginning, right?

I remember the promises cuz we make great promises over here. We make astronomical insane promises over here at Vision Finder International. I mean, why go there and go home? Why can't we believe Aleeta, that we can be happy and joyous and it takes work. Cuz this, you know, this door right here, this happened is right here.

You gotta work for this [00:40:00] joy, right? But why can't we believe that we could be happier. Why can't we believe that we can 3Xed you know, the amount of money right now? Like why, like, go ahead. What were you gonna say? Because I got.

Aleeta Gardner: Conformity, conformity, I mean that's just it conformity. We conform to pretty much what's in front of us or what's beside us, right?

And what's beside us is that's conformity. So the greater is not necessarily, or that piece, if you are running that rat race, right? You're running the rat race and I live in the DMV area, right? So it's you know, that DC area, it's traffic, it's everything, you know, running.

But if that's what I'm looking beside me, then I'm conforming. You're supposed to be in an hour of traffic every day, right? You're supposed to be in a building in corporate every day. You're supposed to maybe live in this neighborhood or have this vehicle or have this clothes. You're supposed to, that's what conformity is.[00:41:00]

You know, and that's what gets you and it keeps you from going.

Christy Rutherford: That's good. I got two more questions. So it's interesting because I listen to people compare their misery, right? Like, oh, your commute's only hour. My commute is three hours. So you're justifying.

Aleeta Gardner: Yep, right? That's it.

Christy Rutherford: Oh, okay. You got a flex schedule. You get, you know, one day off every two weeks. You know, I get no days off, or, oh you work from home, I gotta go in the office. So what are your thoughts around people who compare their misery? Cuz you see it, you just reacted to it like, is the conformity and when somebody says something, great.

I'm telling you. I can feel the phone get hot. When I sell them this magical life, and I not sell not in monetary terms, but I still want my money. But when I try to tell them.

Aleeta Gardner: We don't do this for free.

Christy Rutherford: But you know, like, we're [00:42:00] so bought in on the conformity of misery, and at this certain age, we're supposed to just pack it all in.

We're gonna be miserable, just go get 50 cats and da, da, da, da. Right? When there's a whole level of joy and happiness and freedom that's accessible and available to you, if you would just turn the page and be like, you know what? I'm gonna go create my own life and I am going to be, you know who God called me to be, not who man told me I should be.

Aleeta Gardner: Right. Right.

Christy Rutherford: I forgot what the question was.

Aleeta Gardner: I was. Me too. I was, what's the question? I was like, what's a question? What's a question?

Christy Rutherford: I think it's comparing misery, right?

Aleeta Gardner: Like, the conformance. How do I get out of it? Right. Again, and it's funny, it's funny until it's brought to your attention, you don't always. know it. Right?

So now when I'm in that and people start saying, I check out, right? I check out [00:43:00] because I'm like, that's crazy. We're trying to see who's sickest. You know, who, who's, you know, oh, I have this or I have this try to. Yeah. Who does that? You know? And before I was probably part of that. But now I can recognize it and say, oh, you know what, let me exit stage, and left.

And one of the things I do, I know I get, I have to get on my friend. I say Chantel a lot cuz I'll, some days I'll be like, can we just dream today? Can we just dream? You know? And inevitably, sometimes it does go back to complaining, but I definitely try instead of having the conversations of the complaints, cuz we always need to vent not to stay there very long.

And say, can we just dream today? Can we just talk about what we want? And that's where the words come into play. You have to speak, you have to speak it, you know, speak that stuff, discuss it, talk about it. But that's one of the biggest things that I do. I exit stage left.

I recognize it when I [00:44:00] hear it. Right. And then there are days when I'm just like, can we just dream today? Can we just talk about dreams, because that's a happy place. Let's talk about that. We already know what misery looks like. We already lived that. Why are we reliving that? We don't need to relive it. Right?

Let's live in a world, let's live where we want to go. So that's one of the ways.

Christy Rutherford: Hmm. All right. Okay. So it's interesting you said maybe I was a part of that be like this. Oh yeah. You was there.

Aleeta Gardner: Yeah, that's right, yeah, you was there.

Christy Rutherford: But I was there too. That's how I know. And we normalized complaining

Aleeta Gardner: Yes, we do.

Christy Rutherford: We normalize calling to dunk every day. We normalize, like you tell me about your day. I'll tell you about my day. We normalize, let's go out for drinks, let we normalize, let's get together for fried foods and martinis to talk about who's they sucked the worst, who got cussed out the most today, who cussed the most people.

That was me, you know I'm crazy. But you know, like, and so we normalize these conversations of woe is me and now it takes to [00:45:00] shift and it, you know, and the thing about, you know, I love what you're saying about your friend is some friends don't wanna shift. So if you say, hey, let's talk about dreaming, and she's like, no, I wanna keep complaining, then eventually you're gonna have to let that connection go because they're not a part of how you want to live over here.

But she's like this. Okay, so that's a great friend because she's willing to shift, but not trying to change her, right? You're just trying to maintain your peace. And if we're gonna keep this relationship, you have to be a part of the new narrative that I want to create for myself and not support the old narrative and the dysfunction that you know, you were just a part of.

Aleeta Gardner: Yeah. Cause I was definitely a part of the dysfunction. And then you bring people with you. Right? And so it's like, I don't want it for me and I don't want it for you either, and I don't want it for you either, and I don't want it for you either.

Christy Rutherford: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm . So what advice do you have for women who are considering working with Vision Finder International?

And, you know, they're questioning whether or not you know, joy is possible for them [00:46:00] too.

Aleeta Gardner: it is. I would say, I would be one of those people seeing is believing because I'm gonna tell you, I sometimes I'm like, it's snake oil, right? I was recommended by my friend Cassandra, who I respect 100%, and whatever she says, I'm pretty much gonna follow with that.

And then when I got in I was kind of like, yeah, okay, this might be Snake Oil, but you know what? Cuz Sergeant said it was good. So I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna go ahead on, I'm gonna believe it. And it took a minute, but it absolutely, positively is there for the taking. You just have to believe it.

And do the work. Do the work, look in the mirror, do the work. It is absolutely, it is absolutely possible. Don't stay where you are. Don't die in it. You know? I'm like, don't cuz that's what you're gonna do. You're just gonna die in it, if you want life. Christ said, I came to give you life and give it more abundantly.

Right. Want that abundant life for yourself. Want it for yourself and take that jump. [00:47:00] Do it. Just do it cuz it will work if you put toward the work, it's not a genie in a bottle. It's not that. Right. You've gotta be able to look in the mirror. You've gotta be able to say, this is the role that I played in my misery.

Right? This is, and once you can recognize the role that you played in your misery and not blame it on everybody else, that's when the freedom start and you start working on it. That's when the freedom comes. And once the freedom comes, everything else follows.

Christy Rutherford: Okay, talk about Snake Oil. Let me do this commercially.

We're gonna talk about that so you can join me at my event next week at LevelUpWithChristy.com. You can go ahead and register and join us. It's gonna be amazing. It's only three hours this next Saturday. And is at no cost saying free gives me the heebie-jeebies.

So, what's interesting, I like to convert women who don't you, you commit with your actions even if you didn't believe it.

Does that make sense? [00:48:00] So I, you know, anybody who has said yes to themselves, even if you be like, I don't know, this is kind of crazy, but I'm gonna see what happens. Does that make sense? Yes. I like it that you continue to prove me, right? I love it. This ego is whatever. I'm just playing it.

But the right stuff is because we bought this long, I mean, the scroll is a hundred feet long on what the narrative of people tell us that, you know, we should have and we should expect.

And then I'm over here trying to create a whole new scroll. And I love it when, you know, I would say, it's kind of skeptic, like, can I, you know, at 40 something.

Actually be happy. I've been like this for so long. Can I actually make a complete shift in 90 to 120 days and get on the path to a whole new life? And I'll be like, yes. If you're willing to look in the mirror and stop pointing other people. So, you know, I appreciate you [00:49:00] for showing up to do the work and not just do the work.

Prove me right. But they become a part of, you know, the joy is be the change that you wanna see in the world. Right? Like, you know and then, you know, coming here and sharing your insights so women and men can be inspired to say, you know what, I really wanna be different too. So, I appreciate you. Do you have any last words for the viewers, and the listeners?

Aleeta Gardner: I don't. It's just, well, I guess, look in the mirror, you know, and one of the things you said was, you know, happiness, people will say, well, you know, I'm happy. And for the most part I thought I was too, right. I thought I was too, right. I'm like, why not? Yeah. It's just, you know where you are now, you deserve to even go higher, you know?

So, we invest in so many things. Invest in yourself. Since you go higher.

Christy Rutherford: Yeah, that's good. Somebody the other day told me she was happy. I said, if that's what happened, this look like we got some problems on the phone. [00:50:00] So yeah, she got drug in the mud. But anyway. All right y'all, thanks so much for showing up.

Aleeta, don't hang up. I got three minutes with you.

Aleeta Gardner: Okay.

Christy Rutherford: Take care of y'all. Have a great weekend.

Narrator: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review if you love this episode. Follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting "changenow", all one word again, "changenow" to 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.