On another social media blog

post I received from an

individual who was a coach,

which is common today, a

lot of coaches out there;

I'm experiencing a performance

anxiety before my coaching session,

what can I do about it? What can I

do to calm down my anxieties? Well

you have core competence,

an area of expertise and

experience that is where you

feel confident and certain, and when

you go away from that, outside that,

you're going to go and move into

the imposter syndrome I call it.

Anytime you exaggerate yourself

and sell hype or minimize yourself,

you're not being yourself.

And so all the symptoms of

anxieties and emotions are

feedback systems to get you

back to your core competence,

back to your authentic self.

Every symptom in your

business is trying to do that.

If you get cocky and look down on

your client and don't meet their

needs,

they withdraw and you get feedback to

let you know that you're exaggerating

yourself and minimizing them and

being careless instead of caring.

If you minimize yourself and exaggerate

them and then try to please them for

fear of loss of them, you're now going

to say, dang, I deserve better than that,

and then you're going to

sacrifice you for them,

and you'll be careful walking

on eggshells. If you have

a balanced orientation,

caring,

where you're now caring about what your

objectives are and you're also meeting

their needs,

you have the most sustainable fair

exchange in the growth of the coaching

business. So you won't have anxiety

there, because you're now being authentic,

you're now in your core competence.

You also have a hierarchy of values,

and whatever's highest on your

value is where you have the most

epistemological excellence. That's

where your most knowledge is.

Whatever's low on your value,

you have least knowledge.

You love learning what's important to you,

but you don't want to learn

the things that are not.

So anytime you go and try to go and

be somebody you're not in order to get

clients,

instead of being true to yourself and

becoming a specialist in what you love,

and then expanding that and growing

that and expanding your knowledge

methodically, if you try to go

outside that core competence,

you're going to get symptoms out there,

and you're going to have anxiety if you

start with what you know and let what

you know grow, you have less anxiety.

If you are able to say thank you,

I don't know, but I'll find

out, you'll have less anxiety.

If you're not trying to put on the

air of somebody that's you know,

cocky or proud or know it all

or whatever, and just say,

I'm there to serve you and

I'm there to find the answers,

I will look it up if I don't know and

get back to you, you won't have anxiety.

But if you start to think that

they're more important than you,

or less important than you, you're

going to create anxiety, anxiety about,

because now they're withdrawing and

they're not meeting their needs or you're

sitting there and walking on eggshells.

So give yourself permission

to stick to what's priority.

Give yourself permission to be authentic.

Go and stick with your

core competence. You know,

there's many things we can do in our

life, but the area that our expertise is,

is where we want to focus if we

want to have a maximum return.

And then expand it. Study that

and study the periphery around it.

Keep expanding the peripheral

awareness around it,

but link it back to that highest priority.

Anytime you want to learn something,

if you link it by asking,

how specifically is studying this new

topic helping me fulfill what's most

important to me? And

link it to your mission,

link it to your highest level of

competency, you'll expand that,

you'll attract clients that match that,

you won't have anxiety about

it because you know about it,

because what you study

and you really are up on,

you attract clients that match that.

And if you realize if they have a

trait that you admire, look up to, go,

if you're intimidated by them in any

way, so you're not minimizing yourself,

go and ask, where do I display

and demonstrate the same behavior?

Because if you do, you'll find out you

have the same thing you see in them.

You can't admire something and be

intimidated by somebody that you think

has something you don't

without you having it,

but you're too humble to

admit it. So go and find out.

I had a lady that was frightened

about public speaking,

and they asked her to do a speech and

she froze up on stage and I was there.

And I got up and I walked up to her

and I said, I put a little circle,

a piece of paper in a circle, like

a toilet tube, toilet paper tube.

And I had her go and look at who in the

audience are you intimidated by, right?

She goes, this lady. I said, what is it

you think she has that you don't have?

Well,

she seems more academic and

more knowledgeable and I'm

talking on a topic and I

think I'm intimidated by her

because she's here. I said, great.

Now where do you have what you see in her?

And I made her go through and

go and look at what she had.

She had knowledge in her own experiences

about her own life that the lady would

never know. And I said, stick

to the core story that you are,

that you relate to, because she

doesn't know that, you know the story.

And then look at what you do know

and start with what you know. Anyway,

when she got through and she owned

what she saw in the lady and where her

confidence was and stuck to that,

she didn't have the fear of speaking.

So if you're intimidated by somebody,

go and find out what the

trait that you admire in them,

find out where you have it inside you,

because you can't admire

it without it being there.

Whatever you see in others you have,

you just think you don't have it,

you're too humble to admit it,

but it's there. Wake it up.

You won't be intimidated and you'll stick

to your core competence and won't put

on the imposter syndrome trying to fake

it. And you'll be able to be yourself,

and you won't have the anxiety.

That's one of the reasons I teach

that in the Breakthrough Experience,

how to own the traits of the greats.

So you're no longer intimidated and no

longer looking up or down on people.

You're looking across to people

and opening your heart to people.

When you do that, you

don't have these anxieties.

You just have service and

you're in sustainable fair

exchange and you're back to

authenticity.

And all the symptoms in your life

are trying to get you back to that.

And if you know how to interpret the

symptoms in your life and see that that's

what it's doing,

if you just get back to priority and get

back to authenticity and stick to what

your real core competence is, the area

of your epistemological, you know,

excellence and purposeful teleological

purpose and your ontological identity,

stick to that, you're going

to not have anxieties.

Anxieties are a feedback mechanism to

guide you to authenticity and to your

excellence.